Stop Repelling People with Your Uncharitable Assumptions

People often make uncharitable assumptions about each other. But when you do this, and tell the other person, you tear your relationship with him or her to shreds.

A few years back I wrote an article about the trouble autistic men have in dating. In it I also talked about my experience as a coach trying to work with autistic men and how fiendishly difficult it is.

(autistic reader trigger warning: I was very blunt in that article, because in my experience dealing with autistic men this is the only way to communicate effectively. Delicacy leads to large and frustrating misunderstandings. Some autistic readers found that blunt article enlightening; others found it depressing. If you’re sensitive, you’ll likely be better off reading my forum thread on practical tips & success stories from autistic men)

One of the things I mentioned in that article was the frequency with which I have found autistic men make ‘uncharitable assumptions’ in conversations with me. I’ve seen it with so many different autistic men that I assume this is probably a normal behavior for them, which they’re likely doing with other people too.

In fact, I think this behavior alone is probably the cause of a large number of autistic men’s falling outs with people. While it’s a small behavior, it’s really, really aggravating.

Autistic men aren’t the only ones who are guilty of this, either. ADHD men do this often too. Any guy who speaks before he empathizes, really, can be guilty of this.

In this article, I’m going to introduce you to this concept, which I am certainly not the first to identify (indeed, there are proverbs around this going back to antiquity), but I’m going to highlight it in ways you probably haven’t thought about before – and hopefully save you from burning some bridges and melting down some relationships with inadvertent rudeness.

Secrets to Getting Girls: Positive Reference Experiences

The man who excels with women is the one who possesses enough very positive reference experiences with them. These SHAPE his mind & behavior toward women!

Want to know an absolutely ENORMOUS secret behind every guy who’s successful with women?

The BIG secret behind guys who are ‘naturals’ who effortlessly clean up with women… and the guys who go on to be über-successful self-taught ladies men?

The single biggest secret, in fact, to rapidly progressing with women, even from the point of being a pure beginner?

Here it is:

The secret is positive reference experiences.

The more positive reference experiences you can build, the faster you build them, the more STRONGLY positive they are, and the higher a proportion of the feedback you’re receiving from women those positive experiences comprise, the faster you’ll progress to doing scarily well with girls.

[WATCH] Chase Amante Interview with Alex from Bro Psychology

New interview up on YouTube where I talk with Bro Psychology’s Alex.

We covered a huge range of topics in this interview, including:

• Female psychology
• Red pill thinking & catchphrases
• Modern women’s partner counts and sexual habits
• The rise & fall of the pickup industry
• How dating apps have affected the sexual landscape
• What I would change in the popular consciousness re: dating if I could

… and much, much more.

We were talking so long the sun went down!

Why You Fall So Hard in Love with Girls Who Delay Sex

There’s this girl you know and you haven’t had sex with her yet but you’re falling more and more in-love with her. Why does this happen & how does it work?

On a recent article of mine, a commenter asks about an all-too common scenario:

This is very weird situation...

When I've met this girl I was a virgin She is foreigner and she is older than me 7 years. I'm in early twenties

We went on two dates, and when I tried to kiss her she said to me that she can't that she is gay.

She said that she feels attraction to guys and she had two guys in younger age... problem to her is that she said how she couldn't connect emotionally with them and that they hurted her. She said that girls are better with that.

I've told her then we can be friends when some time passes. In meantime I've had my first sex with other girl and I was not a virgin...

Later on after 2 months first girl and I made a contact. Now we are hanging out again as a friends once a week, but I still feel attraction to her.

Now she looks a lot more recipient to me and lot more touchy to me. I'm not anxious anymore so vibe is better. Although she is Latin so it is maybe normal for touching .She is a great friend and really nice to me of course, but I'm still losing my mind sometimes and I don't know if she likes me or not. And I'm scared again to try to kiss her or tell her that.

(well, okay, maybe the bit about the girl saying she is gay and whatnot are not that common. But the overall theme of “boy meets girl, girl won’t put out, boy falls more and more in love with girl” is!)

Why does it happen that guys fall hard for these girls who duck them, dodge them, and lead them on – typically much harder than they fell for the girl when they first started going for her?

It is due to the magical phenomenon of investment; a phenomenon you yourself can make use of – or become as hopelessly ensnared and befuddled by as any other man.

Raising Your Odds to Pull Girls & Close via Giving Them "Outs"

Even as you extract a woman home to your place or hers, you can leave her “outs” – which serve to raise her comfort, thus lowering her resistance.

Hey guys and welcome back.

Recently, I have been talking about the importance of giving a girl space and allowing her to opt out of interactions. This approach helps build trust and reduces her perceived risk. Knowing she can opt out at any moment gives her the freedom to leave if the situation becomes uncomfortable. This sense of security increases her comfort, making her more likely to engage, as she knows she can exit if necessary.

It’s especially beneficial to give a girl ease of opting out when she needs to make a decision with an increased risk perception, like isolating or going home with you.

Today, I’ll cover how this technique can help you during extraction as you leave the venue with her and head to your place.

Note that I mention “your place.” She perceives going to her place as safer because it’s familiar. Your place is new and unknown, and that’s always scarier because of the uncertainty. For this reason, this post will generally focus on getting her back to your place.

By all means, go back to her place if you can. Overall, my experience has been that going to her place is ideal. Aside from practical reasons, such as not having to clean your place beforehand, another advantage is that she automatically relaxes in her own environment, which can cause less resistance.

The question is, why not always go to her place? Note that this poses challenges, too. There may be unfamiliar logistics: she could have roommates, share a place with a guy, live far away, or random people might show up. Those wildcards, although unlikely, can still happen.

The main reason I prefer heading to my place instead is that it usually requires lower compliance to accomplish. Getting a girl to go home with you, whether it’s her place or yours, is a challenging task requiring plenty of compliance. So, you want to opt for the solution requiring the least compliance—taking her back to your place.

You usually need to generate more compliance to take you back to her place than getting her to go to yours. She feels more responsible and guilty about what might happen when she brings you home. She has tacitly agreed to have sex or at least actively has a hand in what is about to happen. When she goes to your place, she is acting more passively.

Remember, women usually prefer taking a passive role due to social conditioning. Slut-shaming and other negative sexual conditioning can make her avoid a sense of guilt regarding what is about to happen. By tagging along with you as you head to your place, usually with an excuse like, “Let’s go back to my place and continue our conversation.” This takes away her guilt. Yes, she realizes why you are inviting her back, but this plausible deniability lets her feel less pressure.

Most Guys Who Give Up on Dating Give Up Far Too Soon

Many guys dabble in talking to girls, flirting, and trying various ways to approach – only to soon give up. But if you want success, you must stick with it!

I’ve been thinking about this more lately, this idea that the vast majority of men “give up” on dating way, way too soon.

Right. Compounding effects… a few early good experiences give confidence; confidence is more attractive than anything else; more good experiences —> virtuous cycle.

Meanwhile, a few early bad experiences —> low confidence —> big attraction hit (few girls like the unconfident guy) —> more bad experiences, or the guy just totally withdraw and gets no experiences.

Usually the unconfident guys end up having very few real world experiences, don’t really “go for it” with girls at all, then end up looking for reasons why they’re all alone. They read stuff online from a bunch of women talking about “it just happens!” (because that’s how it happens for women; as a man, you have to go out and make it happen), decide it hasn’t happened to them because of [whatever shortcoming], and just retreat further in.

Hopefully at some point the guy has a rock bottom moment, shakes out of it, and says, “Screw this. I’m going to get what I want!” and starts throwing himself into it and learning as he goes.

Not all guys do though… which is very sad.

(we used to have societies where everyone was constantly encouraging young men to be go-getters. That’s totally broken down now. Human instincts only go so far… without guidance, it is very easy to get lost in the weeds)

— Girls Chase 🏃‍♀️💨 (@GirlsChase) October 21, 2024

Primarily this is due to the encouraging/discouraging effect of early experiences.

When you take a guy out on an approach bootcamp to get him meeting girls in-the-flesh, for instance, you want to engineer the bootcamp so he’s getting wins as fast as possible:

• Take him to venues you know the girls are receptive to meeting men.

• Send him into girls you can tell are likely open to meet someone or even actively shooting approach invitations.

• Give him simple things to do right away that he is not doing on his own that will immediately get him new, exciting progress with girls he is not used to hitting:

  • Smile on approach
  • Tease her right away
  • Move her right away
  • Isolate her after 5-10 minutes of conversation
  • Propose a venue bounce after 20-30 minutes

The reason you do this is to build momentum into his approaching, that way he keeps going out after the bootcamp ends. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to take a guy out and take his money and then he never does it again after that outing. I want to help him to begin building a habit that’s going to change his life.

Most men aren’t going to take bootcamps, which means most men are going to be learning on their own. No problem if a guy is super driven or is a skilled learner who already knows how to set himself up for victory and habit formation.

Men who don’t fall in either camp though all too often end up quitting before they even get going – and that’s just sad.

Tactics Tuesdays: Dumbing Down to Bang Smart Girls

If you’re smart guy, smart girls will love you… as a boyfriend. But what if you want to bed them quick? Well for that, you’ll need to dumb yourself down.

If you’re a smart guy, and you want to hook up with smart girls, here’s a little tip:

Dumb yourself down a bit.

If you’re otherwise cool and sexy, being a bit dumbed down rules you out as a boyfriend candidate.

Smart girls will hook up with you a lot faster when you’re “dumb.”

— Girls Chase 🏃‍♀️💨 (@GirlsChase) November 10, 2024

I had this X post that confused a few guys. One of them asked me to write an article going more in-depth on it. So here that is.

In particular, in this Tactics Tuesdays installment, we are going to look at:

• Why dumbing yourself down with smart girls gets them into bed

• How exactly to dumb yourself down with smart girls to be sexy to them

• What you can do to ‘recover your smartness’ after if you actually want to date them

If you have a penchant for pensive women, read on!

(if smart chicks just ain’t your thing, well, we’ll be back to our regularly scheduled programming tomorrow)