Eliciting Values & Details from Women in Conversation

Connect deeply with women by diving into their values, motivations, and experiences – then, after you’ve elicited these, stimulate on their responses.

This post by Glow originally appeared on our forum here.

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A subtle but powerful key to managing conversations with women.

Game Generation One tended to rest a lot on spitting game; the art of leading and plowing with multiple stimulating techs. This is definitely useful. Using statements instead of techniques followed. Muti-threading conversations and other techniques came next. These are the more famous ones. Other schools of seduction used other means for conversation management and there are many routes for it.

One such more subtle form of driving, managing and leading convos is elicitation:

• to evoke or draw out (a reaction, answer, or fact) from someone.

• to draw forth (something that is latent or potential) into existence.

In a seducer’s view, it becomes the art of drawing out her world, to engage her in talking about her. To draw her out. Doing so is a subtle but powerful way to grab attention by activating her, by showing interest for her. And you are leading what she brings out.

At the same time she feels interest for her world, and if done well, it will take her to interesting things she has not connected with in a while. Perhaps never really thought about. Another dimension is that she becomes reactive to you. And the experience is very nice for her. So many good things.

How to Motivate Yourself to Pick Up Girls

You want women in your life but you can’t get off the couch. Are you lazy? Or are you just not doing what’s needed to MOTIVATE yourself to pick up girls?

We get guys periodically asking for help solving motivation issues around approaching and picking up women. Not the least of these being Sub-Zero, our long-time commenter who has long struggled with drive issues. Here’s a recent comment by him on the subject:

Actually getting some drive back, but still don’t have the drive to deal with everything that comes with the ups and downs of dating. I’m horny all the time and when I’m sleeping with women I’m always pleasing them, so I know that’s not the issue. I just don’t have the drive to keep going if things aren’t working out and quit. It makes me wonder how other guys can have no kind of success and can keep doing it. How do I get the drive to keep practicing and getting better instead of quitting?

All right then. Let’s talk about motivation.

I’ll see if I can come at it from a different angle than our many other articles on the subject.

First off, a couple of points:

1. This article is not a “you should be doing this” moral lecture. If you aren’t driven to approach or pick up girls, and you don’t want to be, that is fine. This guide is a tool, not  an order.

2. This article is also not a mandatory thing you have to follow even if you want to pick up. If you want to pick up girls, but just occasionally, and are happy with how it’s going, stick with it.

This article is for men who want MORE motivation to go out and approach more women but are struggling to find that motivation.

In other words, this is the article for men motivated to find the motivation to go out and pick up girls. Copy that?

Mindsets of a Nightlife Seducer: In the Middle of the Night

How does a skilled seducer think about ‘the game’ as his night out progresses? Take a tour through the inner workings of master seducer Alek Rolstad on an example night on the town.

Hey guys. Welcome back.

I am working on a series that explores my inner thoughts, particularly my mindset while in the field and my strategic decision-making. Using examples from a hypothetical scenario, I can discuss both potential and real-life situations. I deliberately create non-ideal scenarios filled with unfortunate circumstances and challenges. This approach lets me provide more effective examples.

Your night out will likely be more enjoyable than this hypothetical outing. That’s why I didn’t include a real outing or typical field report. The focus here is more on my techniques and what occurred, and the circumstances would probably be more favorable in a real situation. However, these hypothetical scenarios are inspired by actual events.

Last week, I discussed the earlier portions of the night, including opening and finding a lead. In last week’s hypothetical scenario, I decided to change venues as my leads in my first venue had dried out. When entering the new venue, I meet a new girl right away. This post covers the hypothetical scenario of mid- to late-game and my strategic decisions. I will also cover the hoops I may face and how I navigate them.

Why Feigning Disinterest (Usually) Does Not Work

If a girl’s not investing as much, you may be tempted to feign disinterest. But all too often this technique is see-through. Here’s what to do instead.

It’s a pretty common strategy for guys who are learning to do better with girls to try to feign disinterest in them.

After all, you figure out pretty quick that there’s a whole power balance that occurs during the courtship dance. Show too much interest, your attainability goes too high, she feels like she’s “got you already”, then her interest in you drops to zero.

So it’d make sense to try to reduce how much interest you’re showing by feigning actual disinterest – you’d think.

But as you’re about to see, feigning disinterest much of the time is not going to work out the way you hope it will.

Instead, all too often, it backfires.

How to Stop Being an Incel (Yes, Seriously)

When you’re an incel, it’s like being stuck in a deep, dark hole. If you’re ready to climb out of that hole, here is how to stop being an incel – seriously.

There’s not a lot of help for drowning men.

When men struggle, the world leaves them behind.

It’s different for women. We protect and coddle women. Women are precious. They birth the next generation and raise them.

But men are replaceable. One guy ain’t getting the job done? Switch him out and put another one in his place.

Meantime, the men who don’t make the cut slip down through the cracks. They slide down into blackness and despair, perhaps never to rise again.

That’s where I came from, a long ways back. I was a man trapped in benighted helplessness, chained to my own misery, alone, forgotten by the world. For a decade, I drifted by myself in a black sea of anguish, each day a walking nightmare of pointlessly going through purpose-devoid motions in my out-in-public isolation.

Today, of course, I walk a different path. I have been with innumerable women, many of them beautiful, many of them amazing. I’ve bedded models, had relationships with gorgeous architects, economists, and the daughter of a South American politician, and am used to being chased after by women for whatever I want with them. I have awesome friends and more cool social contacts than I know what to do with. I also happen to run the largest men’s dating advice website in history, GirlsChase.com, which over the past 17 years has been honored with 64 million visitors, and served a humbling 14,000 customers. We’ve had thousands of men tell us how meaningful our advice has been and what an impact it’s made on them – more than a few insisting that we’ll never know how much it’s helped them.

This guide on how to stop being an incel is for those men out there who are, like I was all those years ago, trapped in a celibacy they’d tear their eyeballs out to be out of. It is a guide I suspect only I can write – because after having spent so much time on either side of the coin, I know well both how despairing it is to be the man deep in the hole, and how maddeningly futile it can be to be the one trying to reach down and pull him out of it.

Before we begin, to put off the guys who are suspicious – yes, Girls Chase is a commercial site; no, I do not sell anything in this article. As a matter of fact, if you are an incel, I am going to suggest you do NOT do most of what is on this website (cold approach pickup), and that you do not buy any of our products or anyone else’s. At least not yet. Perhaps in a year or two. I’ll tell you why when we get to that.

First though, let me tell you a bit about me.

Lay Report: NJ Sets Up a Threesome

NarrowJ finagles his way into a threesome with a girl he’d been seeing casually and a girl he’d just met. As he puts it, “the vibe after we’d slept off was what you’d expect.

This post by NarrowJ originally appeared on our forum here.

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I've gotten dangerously close to a threesome only twice in my life.

The first time, I was 19 years old and snuck in a girl's house when she had a couple other girls staying the night with her. I fucked one of them, fingered and made out with another, and the third girl was a virgin who did nothing but watch (although she touched my junk a couple times at the request of the other two girls haha).

The second time I got oh-so-close was about a year ago. That field report is here, if anyone's interested in reading.

So, Saturday night, I finally lived the dream. I can now die a happy man.

P.S., if you only want to read the juicy parts just scroll down to where it says in bold "Things Get Interesting"

There's Not Much Competition to Date the Best, Most Beautiful Girls

The highest mate value women – beautiful, sweet, & amazing – often have few good suitors. The trick? Girls who market themselves & girls of high mate value often overlap but little.

“Women have impossible standards,” the conventional wisdom goes.

“The prettier she is, the pickier she’ll be.”

“The hottest girls are drowning in suitors and simps.”

This all seems to make sense when we think about it. Men want the best girls. The best girls should have lots of choice with men. In fact, they should be slammed with offers from the highest value men, making it such that ordinary men shouldn’t even be able to compete.

Yet every day, you can find beautiful, sweet girls paired up with totally average men. Men who are unexceptional in their looks, intellects, wits, charm, physiques, and bank accounts. Most of the time these men don’t even have ‘game’, the stuff we teach on this website. If you ask them how to get girls like this, they’ll offer you vapid platitudes like “just be yourself” and “sooner or later the right girl comes along.”

These pairings have befuddled hopeful daters since men started dishing on dating on the web. How do these ordinary guys meet these girls? How do they keep them? Why do these girls choose THEM?

The raw – and at first counterintuitive – reality is simply this: there’s just not a whole lot of competition to date the most beautiful, most amazing girls.

Mindsets of a Nightlife Seducer: Beginning the Night

Alek Rolstad walks you through the mindsets of a seducer as he prepares for a night out on the town – plus what goes through his mind early on in his night.

Hey guys. Welcome back.

Today’s post has a different focus. While it may seem like a report, it is not. I will present a hypothetical scenario to illustrate my thought process in the field. Instead of analyzing the interactions, I want to discuss the various mental states I experience that guide my decision-making during an outing. My goal is to create an introspective reflection that reveals what occurs when facing different situations and challenges.

I have historically tried to incorporate this aspect in my field reports. However, most reports focus on events, such as the conversations, techniques I use, reasons behind their effectiveness, the girl’s responses, and my reactions to those responses. As a result, there is little room to explore what goes on inside my head.

I initially wanted this to focus on a specific outing. However, upon reflection, I realized that the outing I chose was similar to many others I’ve experienced, and my thought process is the same. Using a hypothetical scenario based on actual events gives me more flexibility. This approach allows me to create more hoops and settings, and I can better describe how I react to them. I am not confining myself to the narrative of what actually happened.

Before I begin, note that I am making these scenarios more negative than usual. This lets you see my mindset and strategic decision-making skills in handling challenging situations. They may seem more difficult than your typical outing. So, do not let this demotivate you. Most outings will be more favorable. The key is that despite unfavorable situations, you can still use your skills to turn the tide.

How to Sleep with Girls When You Paid for the Date

Paying for dates with women can mess the dynamic up. It can feel like you’re chasing – and she feels it too. Yet, there IS a way to pay, AND still seduce.

Skilled Seducer of the Month, February 2025: Atlas IV

February 2025’s Skilled Seducer is Atlas IV, an up-and-coming seducer blasting through sticking points left, right, and center. Read his interview here.

What to Do After Unprotected Sex

Things got a little too frisky and in a moment of passion you left protection aside. What steps should you take after the act to ensure you stay clean?

Hey guys. Welcome back.

Note: This post addresses the aftermath of unprotected sex, which is a scary experience for some individuals. If you are in this situation, please read this post; it is for you. The sooner you read it, the better off you will be.

In my two most recent posts, I covered the important and often uncomfortable subject of sexually transmitted infections (STIs), discussing what they are and how to prevent them. These posts contain valuable information beyond what is typically found on standard sex education websites. I cover methods such as PrEP, a medication that helps prevent HIV, as well as one that helps reduce contracting gonorrhea. Additionally, I highlight some lesser-known facts about various STIs. I encourage you to check out these posts for more insights.

In my opinion, a playboy must educate himself about STIs. It is important to understand them and learn how to prevent their transmission; condoms are just one of many tools at your disposal. Prevention methods not only safeguard your own health but also protect others. As a playboy, you increase your risk of exposure, putting others at risk as well. It is essential to master this knowledge for everyone’s safety.

Please remember that although I have written these posts, I am not a health care professional—just someone who has done considerable research. The purpose of these posts is to provide an overview of available information and help you understand your options. With this knowledge, you can consult your doctor or health care professional to discuss your best choices. Their expertise takes precedence over mine.

In this post, I will discuss the aftermath of unprotected sex. Say an accident happened; perhaps the condom broke, or you were swept up in the moment and forgot to protect yourself. Now, it’s the next day, and paranoia has set in. Regardless of how you’re feeling—anxious or indifferent—this guide will help you understand what steps to take next.

Operant Conditioning: Response Size & Big Picture Focus

Operant conditioning (or behavior shaping) lets you modify how people act through rewards and punishments. But in ‘mixed case’ scenarios things get tricky…

I first wrote about operant conditioning a dozen years ago in my article on using for behavior shaping inside romantic relationships. If you haven’t read that one, or it’s been a while, read it first, because this article builds upon it.

The quick summary is that through rewards and punishment, you can direct another person’s behavior. Reward her, and you’ll get more of that behavior. Punish her, and you’ll get less of it.

Today’s article focuses on some nuance in operant conditioning. Namely: how the size of your response affects reinforcement/discouragement… plus the importance of focusing on the big picture too rather than exclusively the small one.

Tactics Tuesdays: Prefacing

Prefacing lets you approach women or issues in ways that they’d push back on otherwise… yet, with you, thanks to you prefacing, they accept (& even enjoy!).

Tiny little tactic here that lets you get away with lots.

Generally there are some subjects in conversation you cannot touch. Certain sensitivities, criticisms, or, alternately, certain proposals. Things that if you accuse someone of them or suggest them raise so many hackles it can blow the whole conversation up.

Sometimes, too, you’ll meet hot-tempered people quick to jump to conclusions every time you manage to utter more than a few syllables. These individuals can be particularly hard to talk to, as they personalize nearly everything you say.

Finally, there are things you might say – including many of the openers you deliver to women during cold approach – that might be hard to swallow on their own. They seem incongruent or hard to believe. A woman might think you’re just yanking her chain.

The one tactic you can use to route around each and every one of these problems is prefacing; where you use a short prefacing statement to pace your listener’s understanding before diving into the juicy stuff.

Social Circle Escalation Windows Are SHORT; Be Ready to Pounce!

You may think because you know a girl she’ll cut you some slack. But if you’re at a party or a bar with her, the windows she offers you may only be quick!

This post by RDawg originally appears on our forum here.

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Social Circle is something that I have been really trying to “nail down” lately and I’ve noticed a few things about it.

Don't Change Your Approach to Girls Just Because They're Beautiful

When a girl’s beautiful, your instincts will scream to play it safe: go slow! Don’t be risqué! But if you WANT her, you must treat her the SAME as other girls!

Bit of a public service announcement here, but you should not be changing your approach to women simply because they’re beautiful.

Lots of guys do this; in fact, it seems to be hardcoded into men. If you’ve gone through my free 7-day mini course (and if you haven’t, you definitely should – you can take the Girl Q quiz and sign up for the Girls Chase Email Newsletter to begin receiving the mini course here), you’re familiar with the Mating Sociometer.

Sociometer theory states that we adjust our behavior to match our status relative to the status of the person we’re dealing with. The result is men whose hearts beat faster for beautiful girls behaving more reserved and treating those girls as ‘higher status than me’.

Yet any Girls Chase reader who’s been reading even a few weeks should know: doing anything that frames or positions yourself as lower status than the woman you’re courting spells attraction DEATH! Girls go for men they view as higher status than them, not lower!

But that leaves guys with a conundrum: how do you override those instincts to treat her ‘special’ and ‘unique’ when those instincts are so powerful and it’s so hard to get yourself to ‘behave normally’ around her?

Beside this, there’s also what your instinctive brain will be shouting at you: “We HAVE to treat her special! Think there’s any way she’ll go for what all those other girls go for? No way!”

Is that instinct correct?

It’s NOT correct – for reasons we are just about to review.

Note: this article aims at men who are already able to get together consistently with at least somewhat cute girls; i.e., men who have a working process down. If you do not have a working, repeatable process down with girls yet, you may still enjoy this article, but it won’t be as helpful for you – YET!

Getting Tested for STIs: The Active Dater's Guide

If you’re actively taking on new bedfellows, you should be testing for STIs. How should you test these? Where to do it? When? It’s all in this guide.

Hey guys. I hope you are doing well.

Today, I’ll continue my discussion about sexually transmitted infections (STIs). In this article, I will cover STI testing and share the information I have gathered over the years through clinic visits, conversations with specialists, and readings from scientific papers. I encourage you to visit a clinic to learn more from healthcare professionals, and while you’re there, consider getting tested. Please remember that this post is not a substitute for professional advice from certified healthcare providers.

11 Signs You're an AFC (Average Frustrated Chump)

Average Frustrated Chump: an ordinary guy, thwarted with women, falling for silly woman tricks. Here’s how to tell if you’re AFC – and what to do if so.

As I’ve been on social media (here’s our X account), I have come face to face with just how many frustrated, average men there are out there struggling with a lack of dating success.

That’s nothing new, of course. It’s always been this way. But Girls Chase has long served as kind of a bastion due to our large audience of savvy dudes vs. comparatively few very frustrated guys. After wading back onto social media though I’ve been smacked with guys who wouldn’t usually visit Girls Chase – or, if they found us, wouldn’t long stay to participate or read.

In recent years we’ve referred to various strains of frustrated men as ‘red pill’ (not all red pill men are frustrated, but many are), ‘black pill’, ‘incel’, ‘looksmaxx’; many different names.

Yet there’s another name that just as aptly captures all these various average, frustrated men under a single appellation: the Average Frustrated Chump (AFC).

Below I’ll help you realize if you are one – and if so, what to do!

Tactics Tuesdays: Conformity Framing

If you want to get a girl to do what you want, it’s a lot easier if she thinks what you want is ‘what everyone is doing’ or ‘what the cool kids do’. That’s conformity framing.

Women are herd creatures. Women, far more than men, feel driven to conform.

An Opening Style: Hook Dropping

Open girls in a way that avoids rejection and lets girls open to an approach let you know they are. Just drop a hook around her – then see if she bites.

A simple way to open that I like to use is what can be labelled hook dropping. I share it cause it can give a little nuance to how we open that shapes some ease on the opening.

How to Prevent STIs: A Guide for Active Daters

STIs are a scourge to the active dater – but they’re preventable. Follow the steps in this guide, and you’ll keep healthy no matter how active you are.

Hey guys and welcome back.

This post continues my series on STIs. Last week, I covered various STIs with links to medical resources and notes on each.

Today, we get into the real juice: how to prevent STIs. And it is"text" much more than condoms! You have many options, including some you may not have heard of. I am not talking about questionable tricks like washing your penis in coconut oil after sex to dodge STIs. I doubt that works!

You can discuss the medical solutions listed below with your doctor or a specialist. They should be familiar with these options. Sometimes, doctors may not mention STI remedies unless they recognize their patient being in an at-risk group. It’s important to communicate openly with your healthcare provider about your concerns.

Today, I’ll provide this knowledge so you are aware of your options, and in turn, you can bring it up with your doctor. This allows you to be more in control of your health.

Over the years, I have gathered much information about STIs, which inspired me to write this series. Initially, I was motivated by paranoia, leading me to read about STIs and consult with specialists. However, as time passed, my interest in this subject deepened, and I made it a point to stay current on the latest research.

Reading the forums over the years, I realized most guys in this community are rather clueless—shockingly so. I hope that this series remedies that.

Last week, I discussed various STIs. Today, I will cover how to prevent them. I hope readers will see this post before exposing themselves to an STI. This post will help you dodge these issues. Other readers may read this retrospectively and, out of paranoia, read my last post. The details below and last week’s post will benefit you nevertheless. Next week’s post will detail what to do if you have had unprotected sex and you feel that you may be at risk.