How to Stop Self Destructive Behavior & Change Your Life for Good

We all have unhealthy coping mechanisms that we fall on. Learn how to stop self destructive behavior and change your life for the better. You can do this!

Negativity has the power to ruin your life. Did you know that the human brain’s default setting is actually negative before positive? But you can override the default setting and learn how to stop self destructive behavior.

It all dates back to the days when cave people were running around the world, trying to avoid being eaten by scary predators with extremely large teeth. At this time, having a negative mind-set helped keep them alive. Our brains haven’t really caught on to the changes in the world since.

Of course, this negative mind-set is designed to keep us safe, but what if it could actually be endangering us too?

Do you indulge in self destructive behavior occasionally? Perhaps you indulge in it more than occasionally.

It’s normal to have the odd unhealthy coping mechanism, e.g. deciding to go for a drink when you’re feeling stressed, or overeating a little when you’re emotional. BUT, these habits are called ‘unhealthy’ for a reason. Basically they are exactly that. Not only are they unhealthy for your body but also for your mind. In that case, learn how to stop self destructive behavior by replacing these habits with healthier and more positive options.

[Read: Avoidable habits that will only change your life for the worse]

How to stop self destructive behavior: Understand why the habits are dangerous  

You won’t be able to rid your life of these unhealthy habits until you understand exactly what they are and why they’re dangerous to you. Everyone is different; therefore everyone will have a different habit they need to tackle and a reason why.

I mentioned drinking during stressful times or eating when you’re emotional, but these are just two out of a whole myriad of potential problems to address. You might have just one behavior you need to change, or you might have several. If you do have more than one, work on one at a time.

[Read: 6 big telltale excuses that get you nowhere]

These habits take away your control and lead you down a darker path. They bathe you in negativity and stop you learning lessons from life’s difficulties. By indulging in self destructive behavior, you’re making the situation worse. Some of these situations may also be extremely harmful to your health.

So, what is the first step?

Identify it. Recognize what it does to you.

Sit down and think about how you cope with situations that cause you distress, difficulty, or pain. Do you move towards eating, drinking, over-exercising, negative self-talk, drugs, or something else? Identify it. Don’t judge yourself for it. Learning how to stop self destructive behavior won’t be possible if you cast even more negativity on yourself. Be positive right now. You’re making a change.

[Read: 10 ways your negative thinking is ruining your life]

Face the problem with bravery

What it is that causes you to feel this way? Is it a single situation that recurs, or a theme? Whichever option, face that fear. Yes, it’s terrifying, but to overcome and learn how to stop self destructive behavior, you need to stare that fear in the eye.

The reason? Most fears are based on nothing more than overthinking and blowing everything out of proportion. The chances are, when you really face a fear, you’ll see that it’s not as terrifying or worrisome as you thought in the first place. As a result, that fear disappears, and you won’t need to rely upon unhealthy habits to deal with it. [Read: How to find yourself when you feel like you’ve lost your way]

The first few times, you’ll probably be terrified, but use that fear as determination and motivation. Turn it into belief that you can overcome this issue. You don’t need negative behaviors to handle it, you can do it on your own.

Effectively stopping self destructive behavior requires you to commit effort and to believe. Look at past mistakes with openness and honesty, and learn from them. What did you do that you could have done better? How can you avoid it happening again in the future? Every so-called failure can be used as a learning curve.

Don’t listen to the devil on your shoulder

Whenever you’re trying to change behaviors, particularly negative ones, you’ll find a little devil on your shoulder, whispering negative chat into your ear. Ignore it. Tune into the angel on the other side.

Negative self talk isn’t helpful, but it’s something we all seem to do. We build everyone around us up and tell them positive things, but we tear ourselves down with negativity. Turn that around. Give yourself the same kindness that you give everyone else. [Read: Are you self-loathing? How to recognize the signs and change your life]

For every negative remark you tell yourself, reframe it into something positive. The more you do it, the more you’ll notice that positivity comes to you much easier than it ever did before. Negativity seems to be muted in volume.

A good tactic is to use positive affirmations. When you feel like you’re about to fall foul of the negative behavior you normally use, tell yourself that you don’t need it and repeat your affirmation. It doesn’t matter what the affirmation is as long as it means something to you. Perhaps something like “I am strong and I will overcome” or “I move towards the light and step away from the darkness.” Go with whatever resonates with you. [Read: 14 simple mantras and sayings to transform your life forever]

Seek help and support

To stop self destructive behavior for good, you might need some help and support from those around you and even further afield. This depends on you and the behavior that you want to change. [Read: How to master positive self-talk and banish the negative]

If you do feel that you need a little help, ask for it. There is no greater strength and bravery than someone who is able to say “help me, I’m struggling.” It will be the best thing you ever do and will give you the determination and motivation to overcome your negative habits and replace them with something more positive. As a result, your future will automatically be brighter.

Some people find that support from family and friends is enough, while others don’t want to involve their nearest and dearest and prefer to speak to someone totally uninvolved and impartial. There is no right or wrong answer here, it’s simply what works best for you.

However, it’s a good idea to let your nearest and dearest in and not to shut them out. Their support will be invaluable to you, even if it’s just standing beside you and not saying a word but holding your hand when things get tough. [Read: 20 positive traits that can change your life and make you happier]

It’s entirely possible to learn how to stop self destructive behavior for good. But understand the journey ahead of you and that it will require determination. Facing you fears isn’t easy. Of course, the very nature of it is terrifying, but once you stare down into the eyes of your fear, you’ll see that it’s nothing more than a rather meek pussycat, pretending to be a lion.

[Read: How to find your purpose when you’ve lost your way]

If you think that you can’t learn how to stop self destructive behavior and it’s a lost cause, then you will never succeed. If you believe, you will get there through the power of your own strength and determination.

The post How to Stop Self Destructive Behavior & Change Your Life for Good is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

11 Most Important Things in a Relationship that Hold It Together

No one ever said relationships were easy. The most important things in a relationship need attention, care, and nurturing in order to last.

Relationships are not simple. Just liking taking care of anything worthwhile, they require work, effort, and focus. But, what are the most important things in a relationship?

You don’t want to get carried away worrying about things like birthday presents when your communication is failing. Understand what the priorities are.

Knowing the most important things in a relationship

Everyone has their own priorities in life. It makes sense that those would carry over into a relationship. Some people are more concerned about the future while others want to be happy in the moment.

Of course, each person and each relationship will have its own focuses, but as long as you know what the most important things in a relationship are to you and your partner, you can work on them.

Maybe in your last relationship, intimacy was one of the most important things in your relationship. But now it could be communication or even compromise. In order to really know what the most important things in a relationship are, look at your relationship, what is most important to you and your partner, and how to work on it. [Read: These are 12 healthy relationship expectations for a good love life]

What are the most important things in a relationship

In case you’re not the best at analyzing your relationship to find the most important things, here are some ideas of what to focus on.

As I said, each relationship is different, but some things are the most important in almost all relationships. Even if they aren’t the most important things in yours, focusing on them definitely won’t hurt.

In fact, caring for all of the most important things in a relationship will only make your bond even stronger.

#1 Trust. After suffering for years in a relationship without trust, I have unique knowledge of how important trust is in a relationship. Without trust, all the other important things in a relationship will not last.

Trust is what any solid relationship is built on. When you don’t have that foundation, everything built on top will crumble. [Read: How to stop the codependency for a healthy relationship]

#2 Respect. Equality is not just the most important when it comes to equal pay, but in relationships too. Without respect, one person in the relationship will always feel less than the other. See your partner as an equal and appreciate their opinions and insights.

If you can’t do that in a relationship, not only will someone’s self-esteem suffer, but anger and resentment can easily take over.

#3 Compromise. Once you figure out respect, compromise comes with it. When you respect your partner you want to make them happy and compromise is a part of that.

A relationship is about finding happiness with another person. For both people to have that, compromise is one of the most important things in a relationship. You have to be willing to give a little and meet your partner halfway. [Read: 25 must-follow relationship rules for happy love]

#4 Communication. In order to successfully take care of the most important things in a relationship, take the time to communicate. You cannot assume you know what your partner is thinking and vice versa.

Without open and honest communication, you will never be on the same page. If that happens, things can go awry quickly.

#5 Humor. As serious as a lot of the most important things in a relationship are, a major part of maintaining any relationship is a great sense of humor. If you can’t laugh at yourselves you are living in dull and unhappy feelings.

Laughter is not just the best medicine but also the best way to enhance a relationship. [Read: The 12 types of humor and how each of them effect a relationship]

#6 Openness. We all have our own opinions, but when you’re in a relationship you cannot expect your partner to always agree with you. Being able to open your mind to your partner’s views is a major part of making a relationship work.

You do not need to change your mind. But be open enough to accept how you and your partner differ, not just what you have in common. [Read: 15 sweet gestures that express love without words]

#7 Intimacy. Intimacy can mean sex to some, to others it may mean closeness, and to some, it may mean chemistry. Whatever it means to you, it is one of the most important things in a relationship, whether you like it or not.

Without intimacy, a relationship becomes a friendship.

#8 Independence. You may be surprised to be reading this. No healthy relationship can survive without independence. If two people depend solely on each other for happiness, they are doomed. You should able to focus on yourself and your job or interests.

One of the most important things in a relationship is that your partner adds to your already happy life, not that they are your happy life. [Read: Are you codependent? 14 signs you’re clingy and overstepping boundaries]

#9 Safety. Safety and security in a relationship may not be what you need as a teenager. Once you are looking for a lasting bond, you want to know you can depend on them in good times and bad.

You want to know not only that you’re physically safe, but also that your heart is safe.

#10 Goals. When you want a relationship that will make it through the long haul, one of the most important things is that your future goals line up. So many people hope that their partner will change what they want down the line. If you don’t want the same things out of life now, you may never.

#11 Love. I know, I know, I’m a real softy. But love makes you want to focus on the most important things in a relationship. Without love, the rest of it won’t feel how it should and how you want it to. [Read: The 20 feelings that best describe what true love feels like]

How to take care of the most important things in a relationship

None of the most important things in a relationship come easily. You should work on them and nurture them for a relationship to successfully last.

Just because you have trust, love, and intimacy now doesn’t mean it will last if you don’t work on it.

But, how do you work on it? Well, go back to point three. Communication is the only way to ensure you have all the other most important things in a relationship. If you can’t talk about your future, your independence, or security with your partner, you’ll never be able to work on it.

You may hope this all comes naturally to you and your partner, but talking about the most important things in a relationship is vital to know where each other is mentally and physically.

People change and grow over time. If you don’t talk about that, the relationship won’t grow and change with you.

[Read: Long term relationship advice to transform your love life]

As long as you and your partner know the most important things in a relationship, you can work on them. Just make sure you are on the same page.

The post 11 Most Important Things in a Relationship that Hold It Together is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

Coping with a Breakup (Without Breaking Down)

The longer you’ve been together, the harder it is to cope with a breakup. The key is to distract yourself until your emotions settle, and do things that move you forward.

Contents

I. Breaking Up Without Breaking Down

II. Love Is Harder to Cope With

III. Small Is Easy, Passion Is Big

IV. How to Cope with a Breakup

1. Distraction
2. Work
3. Play
4. Learn
5. Improve
6. Let Go

V. Conclusion

Have you ever had to cope with a breakup?

Unless you’re a virgin, or you’ve never had a girlfriend, then you know that no matter which side you’re on, breaking up is never pleasant. At the worst, it’s highly traumatic; at best, it's an uncomfortable chore.

Even if you don’t really like the person that much, you probably liked them enough to have sex at least once. This means there’s a certain degree of trust and a shared experience (sex). If you’ve slept together many times, then emotional bonds exist, like it or not.

Even when a breakup is a good thing for you in the long term, the process still sucks donkey balls. Humans are wired to have empathy. If you see someone bleed, you feel yourself bleed; if you see someone laughing or crying, you laugh or cry with them. We feel what other people feel. These are mirror neurons at work.

Breakups hurt no matter what.

How Stonewalling in a Relationship Will Ruin Something Precious

What ruins a perfectly good relationship? Well, it’s stonewalling in a relationship. What is stonewalling? How can you get it out of your union?

In relationships, effective communication is essential but hard to achieve. Being able to talk is one thing, but really communicating with someone is completely different. And stonewalling in a relationship can kill a relationship faster than a cheating partner.

We all get tired of communicating or arguing at times. But, refusing to communicate *stonewalling* on a regular basis can turn into something much more serious. To be honest, while writing this article, I realized that I even stonewall my partner when we argue sometimes.

And from someone who’s stonewalled their partner, it’s nothing that can sustain the relationship. When you stonewall your partner, you refuse to communicate with them and shut yourself off of the conversation. Not only does it show your partner you feel uncomfortable discussing hard topics, but it also shows you struggle with handling conflict.

[Read: How to fix a lack of communication in your relationship]

It’s a hard situation to be in for you and your partner. Your partner is looking for someone to talk about their issues with, and they chose you as their partner. Which means they expect you to be able to discuss problems and sort through conflict with them.

14 things to do when there’s stonewalling in a relationship

So, if there’s stonewalling in your relationship, here’s what you need to do. Time to break down those walls.

#1 What is stonewalling? Stonewalling in a relationship is exactly what it sounds like. It’s when one person in the relationship withdraws from the conversation, shutting down and becoming unresponsive. Basically, it’s like talking to an actual wall. There’s no reciprocation or resolution to the conflict because one partner isn’t taking the necessary step forward. [Read:  The 12 signs you’re the one being selfish in a relationship]

#2 It will end a relationship. Though stonewalling may not sound like a huge problem, it’s right up there with cheating. No joke. When it comes to predicting whether a couple will last or not, if there’s stonewalling in a relationship, it’s one of the four major signs of a break-up. Stonewalling cannot sustain a relationship because there’s no conflict resolution.

#3 Both women and men are guilty. When it comes to who does the stonewalling, both women and men are guilty of it. Though, sorry fellas, men are more likely to stonewall their partners. This is because women typically have stronger communication skills and are more connected to their emotions, rather than men. But, women stonewall as well!

#4 Why do people stonewall? You may be the one doing the stonewalling, but don’t understand why this is your reaction. Well, when someone stonewalls, they’re avoiding conflict to calm themselves down.

But, it could also be a reaction from not being able to cope with one’s feelings, making them shut down and withdraw. Of course, no one wants to feel uncomfortable, and stonewalling can be a consequence of that. [Read: How to cope when someone you love has an emotional shutdown]

#5 The stonewaller needs to reflect. Whoever is doing the stonewalling in the relationship, needs to do some major reflection. If not, they will destroy their relationship – it’ll only be a matter of time until the other person can’t take it anymore. The first thing that needs to happen is to identify the behavior. Whether it’s you or your partner, the person needs to know that they stonewall.

#6 Talk to your partner about it. Once you *or your partner* reflect, sit down together and discuss it. That’s the only way you can take the steps to change the behavior. Sit down together and discuss how you both feel before, during, and after, the stonewalling happens. It’ll give you and your partner the chance to see things from each other’s point of view. [Read: How to fix a lack of communication in your relationship one step at a time]

#7 Recognize you need a break. If you’re stonewalling, stop. That sounds too easy, right? It is a bit tricky to just stop. So, what the stonewaller needs to do is talk to their partner and explain that if an argument does occur, they’ll take a break before they stonewall.

Sometimes, the person just needs a little time to calm themselves down when they’re overwhelmed with emotion. Choose a word, and when you say that word in the argument, it means you take a break.

#8 The stonewaller needs to work on this issue. This is an internal issue; you don’t stonewall because of your partner. Stonewalling is an internal conflict, and something that can only be worked on by the person who’s doing the stonewalling. While you’re working on your stonewalling behavior, your partner needs to work on self-care because they’re not the “fixer.” [Read: How to learn to communicate with your spouse and end the rollercoaster ride]

#9 Practice empathy. Conflict involves you and another person. The only way to work through the conflict is to look at the situation from their point of view, and vice versa.

If you can’t look at the situation through your partner’s eyes, you won’t be able to solve the conflict. Take a step back and listen to your partner talk about their side of the story. Listen to them and try to understand. [Read: How to fix a lack of empathy in your relationship]

#10 Accept criticism and feedback. Personally, I stonewall when I know I’m the one who’s in the wrong. But this isn’t the time when you need to pullback. Instead, that’s the moment when you need to accept criticism and feedback. Acknowledge your involvement in the problem and your partner’s perspective.

#11 Take time to reply. When you’re arguing with your partner, you don’t need to reply quickly. Take your time to think about how they’re feeling and what you’re going to say back. This may help you refrain from stonewalling them. You don’t need to have a quick comeback; speak from the heart.

#12 How does your partner feel? You should be doing routine check-ups with your partner after a conflict occurred. How did the situation make them feel? Did you stonewall during the conflict? How can you work towards having more constructive conversations? There are two people in a relationship, so check in with your partner and see how they’re feeling. [Read: 25 topics you need to talk about in a relationship to ensure you have a happy one]

#13 Practice self-kindness. Whether you’re the stonewaller or the partner of a stonewaller, you need to practice self-kindness. As a partner of the stonewaller, you’re not responsible for their behavior. As the stonewaller, yes, you need to work on your behavior, but throughout the process, be kind to yourself. This isn’t a race. [Read: Here are 13 ways to grow into a kind human]

#14 Seek help. This isn’t an easy process to go through as the stonewaller or the partner of a stonewaller. I personally sought therapy for my behavior because I struggled to find the right tools to work through it. Going to a therapist can help you make those connections and give you the tools you need to understand your internal conflict and improve yourself as a person.

[Read: How to know if therapy will help your relationship]

If you experience stonewalling in a relationship, this is something that needs to change. If not, it’ll rip apart your relationship.

The post How Stonewalling in a Relationship Will Ruin Something Precious is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

What Makes Someone a Good Kisser? 13 Qualities of a Perfect Kiss

Let’s face it, a good smooch is a fantastic thing. But, do you like it slow and sensual, or fast and frantic? What makes someone a good kisser to you?

A kiss is the first sign that someone is really into you, it’s the confirmation sign that takes away all the confusion of ‘does he/she like me or not’. But what makes someone a good kisser? And how do you tell if the rest of their kisses are going to be great there on?

The first kiss can be a make or break deal, because what do you do if they’re a terrible kisser? Do you stick with it and hope they improve? Think that you can teach them your preferred way with a little instruction? Of course, it’s fun to try, but a good kiss is the benchmark of pleasure, so it’s not something you should be cutting corners on!

It can be a terrible let down when you finally get to that first knee-trembling kiss moment. They’re moving closer, they’re leaning in, they’re going to do it finally! And then, yeah, nothing. A poor kiss can be worse than no kiss at all.

[Read: 10 major first kiss red flags that can lead to a toxic relationship]

The thing is, understanding what makes someone a good kisser is all about preference and opinion. We’re all different, and we all like to kiss and be kissed in different ways.

In addition, certain kisses fit certain situations. So, if you’re in a heat of the moment passionate embrace, the kiss needs to fit the bill. It’s no good being all soft and gentle when you’re about to rip each other’s clothes off! Perhaps what makes someone a good kisser is also about knowing what type of kiss to give at the right time.

Oh, it’s so confusing!

Do you think you’re a good kisser? You’re obviously nodding your head that you are, but you’ve never kissed yourself so how can you be sure? It’s a worrying thought that you might not be as good as you think you are.

[Read: How to know if you’re a good kisser and become a much better one]

What makes someone a good kisser? 13 ways to know for sure

Let’s break it down and talk about the things which make someone a good smoocher.

#1 Choosing the right situation. Kissing isn’t all about the actual mouth to mouth action, and it’s about making the other person feel comfortable too. You’re not going to be super-happy about being tongue tied *quite literally* in the middle of your family home, right? Part of what makes someone a good kisser is to know the best time to actually move in for the moment, and not to do it at a time that isn’t appropriate.

#2 Choosing the right type of kiss. It’s also about choosing the right type of kiss for the situation at hand. Some situations require fast and furious kisses, full of heat and passion. Some kisses need to be more gentle and reassuring. Some kisses need to move up and down the scale.

It’s about knowing which direction to go, and not to choose the completely wrong pace. Let’s face it, if you’re thinking you’re about to get hot and heavy and your partner kisses you all soft and gentle without any change in pace, you’re going to wonder if you’ve got it all wrong! [Read: 19 types of gross kisses that’ll make anyone go ewww!]

#3 Reading the signs. A good kisser knows when to kiss someone. This isn’t like my first point, e.g. choosing the right situation, and it’s more about knowing when the other person wants to be kissed. It’s about reading body language and knowing the right moment in lean in.

It’s about understanding the other person enough to know that they want a smooch, right there and then. This is a huge part of what makes someone a good kisser. Being kissed when you really don’t want to be is nothing but annoying, after all. [Read: When to kiss someone – 15 subtle signs to predict the magic moment]

#4 Building up to the moment. Ah, the knee trembler. The single best type of kiss. A good kisser builds up the moment until it reaches a crescendo. This can be through verbal language, body language, looks, winks, and a general atmosphere of ‘I’m going to kiss you in a minute’.

It creates a sense of anticipation that knocks the breath out of you when it finally happens. A good kisser, an experienced kisser, knows that it’s as much about the anticipation as the actual kiss.

#5 Pressure versus not enough. There is nothing worse than thinking that you’re kissing someone, but not being too sure because they’re barely making contact. A good kisser gets the pressure just right, varying it according to the moment. Perhaps they start off gentle and fleeting, but it builds in pressure as you get more into the moment. [Read: Kissing chemistry 101 – How to kiss someone for the first time]

#6 Too fast or too slow. Speed is important too. You don’t want to go too fast and leave the other person with neck ache from trying to keep up, but you don’t want to go so slow that they get bored either. Just like the pressure point I just mentioned, it’s about choosing the right speed for the moment and varying it accordingly. A good kisser knows to slow down when things might be getting too heavy, or speed up when things start to pick up pace.

#7 The big question – tongue or no tongue. Hands up who has been kissed by someone who thought it was appropriate to simply stuff their tongue directly into your mouth without warning. It’s not pleasant, right? A good kisser knows when to slip the tongue *not all of it*, and when not to. It’s about teasing, it’s not about trying to test their gag reflex. [Read: How to kiss with tongue and avoid a gross sloppy mess]

#8 Avoiding the washing machine. Think back to your first kiss when you were young. Was it a little like a washing machine on spin cycle? Mine was, and it’s something I shudder about to the day. A big part of what makes a good kisser is avoiding the washing machine move and going for something altogether more subtle!

#9 Avoiding too much saliva. Another problem is too much of the wet stuff. A good kisser doesn’t feel the need to flood your mouth with their own saliva, and instead keeps it more about lip and mouth movement and caresses than swapping oral fluids.

#10 Alternating techniques, no predictability. A good kisser doesn’t kiss the same way every time, they know that they need to mix things up a little and keep it exciting. This alternating technique method means that there is a different kiss for every situation, and a sense of exciting anticipation before every kiss. As I mentioned before, part of the fun of kissing is the build up! [Read: The 15 types of kisses and how to decipher the truth behind each kiss]

#11 Is it all about the mouth? A kiss isn’t just two mouths pressed together and moving randomly. A kiss is about a look when you pull apart, only to join back together once more. It’s about stroking the face, it’s about pressing your bodies together closely. It’s not about just what is going on in the mouth area! A good kisser knows this.

#12 What do they do with their hands? I’ve just mentioned that kissing isn’t just about the mouth and lips, it’s about the whole package too. So, if you’ve ever kissed someone who just couldn’t keep their hands in one place, you’ll know how distracting it is!

I’m not suggesting that roaming hands aren’t a good thing, but it depends entirely on the situation. Someone who thinks it’s okay to feel you up every time they kiss you really isn’t that mature, and you should probably think carefully about whether you want to kiss them again! [Read: 15 secrets to make a first kiss really memorable]

#13 Leaving you wanting more. The final step in deciding what makes someone a good kisser is about how they leave it. Do they leave you wanting more? Do they leave you panting in anticipation? That’s the sign of a great kisser!

[Read: The perfect first kiss – 22 details that’ll ensure you have the best smooch]

What makes someone a good kisser is a completely personal preference, but overall, the points above sum it up completely. Finding a partner who kisses the breath from your lungs, in the best possible way, is a truly wonderful thing!

The post What Makes Someone a Good Kisser? 13 Qualities of a Perfect Kiss is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

15 Best Happy Birthday Teacher Wishes With Respect And Love

Happy Birthday Teacher Happy birthday, teacher! I remember celebrating your birthday when I was still in school several years back, and it seems like you never aged a day since!…

The post 15 Best Happy Birthday Teacher Wishes With Respect And Love appeared first on Events Greetings.

Congratulations Messages for PhD or Doctorate Degree

PhD Congratulations Message : Earning a PhD degree is a big stepping stone towards a brighter future. Congratulate them on... More

The post Congratulations Messages for PhD or Doctorate Degree appeared first on WishesMsg.

How to Make Him Regret Taking You For Granted And Change His Ways

Feeling a little unappreciated? Learn how to make him regret taking you for granted, and pave the way for a brighter future in your relationship!

Whether they realize it or not, some guys have a habit of taking their partner for granted. This could be innocent, simply getting a little too used to things they do on a daily basis, and not really noticing the small details which make them quite lucky in life. It could also be that the guy is a bit of a narcissist, basically assuming that everyone should do whatever for him, because that is how life should be. Whichever camp your guy falls into, learning how to make him regret taking you for granted could be a game-changer.

I should point out that if your guy is quite the narcissist, you have your hands full attempting to make him change. Put simply, a narcissist will only change his ways if he wants to.

On the other hand, if your guy simply needs a nudge to remind him how wonderful his partner is, and how you don’t have to do all the things you do for him, these methods could turn out to be very useful indeed!

[Read: What you need to do if your boyfriend takes you for granted]

How to make him regret taking you for granted

Wondering how to make a guy stop taking you for granted, and regret ever doing it, here are eight great ways that will work like a charm.

#1 Stop doing the things you always do for him. Firstly, stop doing those things he is taking for granted. If you always make breakfast whilst he sits there and doesn’t move, stop doing it. If you’re always making dinner, stop making it. If you’re always doing the laundry, let him wonder why his clothes are dirty. If you’re always working whilst he’s only half-assing it, stop contributing as much, and start thinking about yourself.

The single best way to put how to make him regret taking you for granted into action is to stop doing the very things that he’s not appreciating. Once those things aren’t happening, he’s going to sit up and wonder what’s going on. He’ll suddenly realize that you’re doing more than he’s giving you credit for, and the hope is that he’ll start to think about how little he does as a result. [Read: How to treat a boyfriend who takes you for granted and the things you just shouldn’t do]

Of course, it could backfire completely and cause a huge argument, but avoiding doing the things which he’s taking for granted is the only way to start the process towards getting recognition for all those things you do, mostly without a thank you.

#2 Call him out on his behavior. If you’re tired of not getting a ‘thank you’, tired of not being appreciated, tell him! Make it known that you’re not happy, that you’re sick of being taken for granted, and that you’d like a little recognition occasionally, perhaps a few things done for you sometimes too!

Maybe he simply doesn’t realize what he’s doing and needs a nudge, or maybe he simply expects these things to be done and doesn’t think you deserve the recognition. If that’s the case, you need to start explore the idea of whether you really need that type of disrespect in your life!

The best way to approach this conversation is carefully. Don’t jump in all guns blazing, but simply saying “I do x, y, z for you and you don’t ever say thanks” could be all it takes. [Read: 13 small changes that can greatly improve your relationship]

#3 Set yourself some boundaries. Within the things he’s taking for granted, there are bound to be things that you do which you need also. For instance, if you make dinner it’s because you’re hungry too. Of course, you could make your own and let him makes his, but that’s probably going to start a huge argument. If you don’t get what you want out of your how to make him regret taking you for granted mission, that’s certainly a route you could think about however!

You need to set yourself some boundaries, so tell yourself the things you will do, mainly because you want them or need them, and outline the things that you won’t do, because you simply do them for no thanks. Once he sees certain things he took for granted have gone missing, he’ll start to question why. [Read: Where to draw the line when you’re the only one putting all the effort]

#4 Focus on yourself. If you feel like he’s taking you for granted generally, start focusing on yourself rather than on him. Do things that make you feel good, buy some new clothes, change your style a little, perhaps start learning a new skill, take up a new hobby, or join the gym.What you need to do is put an onus back on giving yourself the thanks that he’s not giving you.

Your guy will soon see that twinkle in your eye that only comes from focusing on number one, and when combined with the fact that you’re not doing the things he’s taking for granted anymore, he’s going to get worried.

Worried men start to look at the reasons for the way they’re feeling and perhaps he will begin to realize that he’s been mistreating you for so long. [Read: 23 clues you’re dating a manchild and an immature prick]

#5 Keep your dignity. Don’t continue doing things for someone who doesn’t show you respect or thanks. Hold your head up high and show your dignified side. Don’t be dragged into arguments about it, simply stop doing the things he’s taking for granted, tell him why and then let him change his ways.

If he refuses to do so, if he still takes you for granted and doesn’t show you the respect you deserve, walk away with even more dignity and find someone who does appreciate you for the wonderful person you are, and all the wonderful things you do. [Read: 16 signs you’re settling in an unhappy relationship]

#6 Let him know that you’re fine without him. You might think that talking about a future without him in it is playing with fire. Yes, in some ways it is, because it’s part and parcel of game playing, but when someone is taking you for granted, you need to give them a firm nudge to make them see what their behavior is doing, and what the possible consequences may be if they don’t change their way.

Simply let him see that if you had to leave, you would and that you would be fine without him. You can do that by being independent, focusing on yourself, and letting him see that you’re doing more things for yourself. [Read: 15 little moves that’ll make a guy really worry about losing you]

#7 Reignite your social life. Still wondering how to make him regret taking you for granted? Kickstart your social life and start going out with your friends. If you’re acting a little cold or aloof around him and you suddenly start going out and enjoying your life more, he’s going to start panicking about other people who may treat you better.

That could be enough to make him realize what he’s being doing, regretting his actions and causing him to change for the future. [Read: The negative effects of taking someone for granted that just can’t be undone]

That’s the hope. Even if that doesn’t happen, you’re having fun, you’re increasing your confidence, you’re getting out there, and you’ll know that if you have to leave, you’ll be more than fine on your own, until someone else comes along.

#8 Play a little hard to get and tell him why. I’m not usually a great advocate of playing hard to get; I think it’s necessary game playing, but in this situation I’m all for it.

Be a little colder, don’t pick up the phone whenever he calls, wait a little while until you reply to his text, and don’t always be available when he clicks his fingers.

He’s going to wonder what’s going on, and when he asks, tell him why. Tell him that you feel unappreciated, tell him that he’s taking you for granted, and tell him that you don’t like the way it makes you feel.

[Read: How to recognize the selfish people in your life and stop them from hurting you]

Understanding how to make him regret taking you for granted isn’t actually that difficult. The first step is to stop doing the things he’s not appreciating, and secondly, focus on number one. This quick recipe is sure to make him second guess his actions, and if not, walk away with your head held high!

The post How to Make Him Regret Taking You For Granted And Change His Ways is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

Touch During Seduction: How Much Is Too Much?

Touch is vital to seduction, but too much can trigger resistance. At what point can touching backfire, particularly when you’re talking about sex?

Contents

I. Touch Is Needed

1. Escalate According to Her Compliance

II. Sex Talk and Touch

1. Being Direct
2. When Is More Touching Needed?

III. Recap

Hey guys! Today I will delve into typical issues related to calibration. For example, how much should you escalate while delivering “impactful” verbal game like sex talk or hypnotic patterns meant to sexualize conversation and stimulate her?

I get this question a lot. How much should you touch a girl when you talk about sex? I realize I have not publicly given a good answer to this question, and that’s why I would like to cover it here.

There are no crystal-clear answers. Some prefer to touch more than others. Both strategies have pros and cons. Like many techniques in the field of pickup and seduction, it comes down to which advantages you favor for the price of associated disadvantages.

Let’s begin by stating some universal facts.

Does My Ex Miss Me? 15 Signs Your Ex Is Clearly Not Over You Yet

It looks like your ex has moved on for good. But that doesn’t mean they don’t miss you. If you’re wondering, does my ex miss me, it’s time you found out.

After a breakup, there’s a period where things are tough. We’re heartbroken and feeling like we’ve hit an all-time low. Every now and then, we can’t help but wonder, does my ex miss me, do they still care about me and want to get back together, and many other things along these lines.

That phase is normal after a breakup. But then, once you start to move on, everything feels a bit better. But not everyone moves on at the same pace. Some people can move on quickly; others take more time. During that time, it’s easy to fall back and want to contact your ex because you miss them. I think that’s a normal desire to have when going through a breakup.

[Read: Should you text your ex? The guide to help you make up your mind]

I remember during my big breakup, I was wondering if my ex was even thinking about me. I missed him so much, and I was hoping he was feeling the same way. I wanted him to miss me. Partially because I thought we could get back together and partially because of my ego.

I was trying every trick in the book to figure out how he felt about me. Eventually, I got my answer. If you’re wondering if your ex misses you, then it’s time to look at the signs. [Read: 16 signs your ex wants you back and can’t stop thinking of you]

Does my ex miss me? 15 signs that’ll reveal the truth in no time

Let’s find out if you’re still on their mind.

#1 They tell you. This is a given. If someone gets the courage to tell you they miss you, then they’re most likely honest and truthful. It’s not easy to let your guard down and be vulnerable. But if your ex has told you they miss you, then you know the answer. [Read: When does an ex start to miss you? The bittersweet truth revealed]

#2 They try to contact you. They wouldn’t try to contact you unless they have feelings for you. Come on, most of the time, we’re trying to avoid our exes at all costs. But your ex is trying their best to get in contact with you and see if they can make things work.

#3 They drunk text/call you. We all know what this means. No one and I mean no one, texts, or calls their ex when they’re drunk unless there are feelings involved. The drunk text/call is the ultimate sign your ex has feelings about you. Now, those feelings aren’t necessarily positive, but they’re feelings. [Read: Subtle signs your ex wants you back but won’t admit it]

#4 You constantly run into them. It’s weird, here you are, wondering does my ex miss me, and wherever you are, they seem to pop up! Unless you two work in the same building together, it’s odd you two are always bumping into one another. You don’t do it intentionally, but how do you know if it’s unintentional on their side? [Read: 14 things you MUST keep in mind when you bump into your ex]

#5 They ask to hang out. You would never ask your ex to hang out unless there’s a reason why. Most of the time, it’s because there are unresolved feelings, and they want to see if there’s a chance to get back together. If they want to hang out with you, they’re into you.

#6 They talk about the past. Not the bad times, they talk about the good times you two shared. The happy memories, the things that made them laugh – the memories that make them miss you. We all reminisce about the past, but they’re stuck in it.

#7 They’re all over your social media. We all creep out exes *even though we shouldn’t be!*, but they’re going a step further. They like all your posts, comment on every photo; in other words, they haven’t moved on, and they want you to know they’re still interested. [Read: Why your ex still texts you and tries to stay in touch all the time]

#8 They try to make you jealous. They want a reaction from you. They miss you, but they want to see how you feel about them. They don’t want to ask you how you feel because they fear rejection. So, instead, they do small things to see if you’re jealous. By gauging your reaction, they see how you feel about them.

#9 They act jealous when you talk to other people. Maybe you two are still friends or hang out with the same people. And there are times where you’re in the same room together; these things happen. But when you’re talking or flirting with other people, they’re jealous. And if you’re wondering does my ex miss me, well, this is a clear sign they’re not over you.

#10 They’re still single. Not everyone is interested in rebounding right away. Some people take their breakup hard and want to spend time on their own, healing themselves before going into another relationship. If your ex has been single for a while, they probably still miss you and are trying to move on.

#11 They’re always happy to see you. But, I mean, they light up like a Christmas tree when they see you. What can I say? You make them feel good, and seeing you makes them feel good and positive. They wouldn’t have this reaction unless they still have feelings for you. [Read: 15 signs your ex is subtly trying to win you back]

#12 They ask you about your current relationship. Now, why would they do that? Of course, we’re all curious about our exes and their new relationships, but usually, we leave that to Facebook creeping. But if they directly ask you about your current relationship, they’re interested to see if there’s room for them.

#13 They talk about you with mutual friends. Oh, come on. You know if someone is talking about you, there are some feelings still lingering. If they’re spending their time asking questions about you to mutual friends, they’re trying to fish around and see what’s going on. Maybe they’re just curious, or maybe they really miss you. [Read: How to make someone miss you and regret ever leaving you]

#14 They quickly jumped into a new relationship. Ah yes, the rebound. We’ve all been in those situations where we don’t want to deal with our emotions. So, we try to find someone else to be with us as soon as possible. Have we moved on from our past relationship? No. But a rebound gives people the illusion they’ve moved on. [Read: How to deal with the hurt when your ex moved on way faster than you]

#15 They’re angry at you. Some people don’t handle breakups very well. Let’s be honest; no one really knows how to handle a breakup. But instead of feeling sad while missing their partner, some people choose to show anger. I’m not saying this is behavior you should accept; you shouldn’t take that from anyone. If they miss you, there are other ways to express it.

[Read: When your ex texts you out of the blue, what should you do?]

The next time you wonder, does my ex miss me, recollect these signs and you’ll have your answer instantly. So now that you know, what are you going to do?

The post Does My Ex Miss Me? 15 Signs Your Ex Is Clearly Not Over You Yet is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

How to Tell If a Lesbian is Attracted To You & How to Respond to Her

Generally, lesbians are subtler than men. Want to avoid embarrassing misunderstandings? Learn how to tell if a lesbian is attracted to you.

If you’ve been spending a lot of time chatting with a female friend who happens to be a lesbian, you might be wondering if she’s seeing you through friendship eyes, or whether she has feelings which run a little deeper. It’s not always easy to know why this girl spends time with you, especially if you’re not sure how to tell if a lesbian is attracted to you.

Whatever you do, do not fall into the trap of thinking that just because she’s a lesbian and she is talking to you, it means she is attracted to you.

Do you think that about every man who speaks to you? No, of course not! So do her a favor and pay the same thought process to her motives too! It could very well be that she simply finds you interesting and wants to strike up a friendship.

[Read: What it means to have a lesbian fantasy as a straight woman]

The subtle differences in flirting

However, on the whole, girls tend to approach flirting in a much more subtle way compared to men, and as a result, it can be easy to miss the attraction signs coming your way.

To help you understand how to tell if a lesbian is attracted to you in reality, you need to look past the regular signs you might be used to and think outside the box. Why? Because women don’t tend to go down the route of peacocking like a man usually does, puffing out his chest and strutting his feathers. As a result, it can be much harder to understand the difference between politeness and friendliness, and actual flirtation.

The problem also lies in the stereotypes which surround lesbians. There is a very false assumption that lesbians are butch, and that you can tell their sexuality very easily. The truth is actually very different. Any woman can be a lesbian, and you won’t be able to tell by the way she is dressing, the way she is acting, or the way she is speaking. For that reason, you need to look for the signs on how to tell if a lesbian is attracted to you. [Read: 15 common lesbian stereotypes and cliches we hear about all the time]

How to tell if a lesbian is attracted to you? The signs you need to look out for

#1 She will give you a lot of attention. If a lesbian is attracted to you, she will shower you with attention. Of course, it’s going to feel great! If you notice that you’re getting more attention than she is giving to anyone else, it’s quite likely that she is crushing on you and trying to get to know you a little better. In that case, how do you feel about it?

It’s important to know for sure before you respond in kind. If you’re not interested because you’re not a lesbian yourself, or not interested in experimenting with your sexuality, then you need to make that clear in a gentle way. Going along with it for a laugh is cruel – remember, dabbling in lesbianism isn’t a hobby or something to pass the time, it’s her life and her sexuality. [Read: Am I a lesbian? 20 clues to know the truth without asking around]

#2 She will smile whenever she sees you. Of course, it could very well be that she is just a happy person, so when trying to figure out how to tell if a lesbian is attracted to you, make sure you look for a few other signs to go alongside this one.

If you’re noticing that she smiles whenever you enter the room and whenever she is speaking to you, perhaps she can’t keep the smile off her face, then that’s one sign that she likes you and wants spend more time with you.

#3 She makes excuses to touch you. She is likely to make any excuse to touch you. Perhaps making a comment about how your hair always looks soft, only to reach out and touch it. Perhaps she nudges you jokingly a little more often than normal, or maybe she brushes your arm. Whatever it is, it’s a sign that she’s likely attracted to you and she’s trying to let you know in a subtle way.

As with most of the signs on how to tell if a lesbian is attracted to you, subtlety is key. None of the signs are going to be very ‘in your face’, so you need to read between the lines but be very careful that you’re not letting your thoughts run away with you. [Read: How to tell if a woman is starting to get attracted to another woman]

#4 She mirrors your movements. A classic attraction sign is mirroring movements. So if you’re standing slightly to one side, it’s likely that she will mirror that stance and do the same thing. If you’re crossing your arms, she might do the same. If you’re sat with your legs crossed, she might mirror that position. This is something that people do without really thinking, but it’s a sign of attraction in the most subconscious of ways.

#5 She asks you a lot of questions. Women like to get to know someone via asking questions and striking up a conversation using the answers they receive, so if she is asking you lots of questions, she’s either very inquisitive and simply curious about you as a person, or she is attracted to you and wants to get to know you a little better.

Either way, have a conversation and see where it leads! If nothing else, you might make yourself a wonderful new friend. [Read: The first time lesbian experience – How to have it minus the awkwardness]

#6 She might mention her sexuality a few times. This may or may not be the case, but if the lady in question is quite forward, she might mention her sexuality to you a few times. In this case, she’s proud *rightly so* and she’s testing the waters to see how you feel about it and of course, what your particular leaning is in terms of your sexuality.

If you’re wondering how to tell if a lesbian is attracted to you, this is one of the biggest signs to look out for.

#7 She gives you lots of compliments. Women tend to be quite complimentary of other women when they’re trying to be friendly, so don’t read too much into this particular sign if you aren’t noticing any of the others in combination. However, if you’re seeing a few of the other signs and you’re noticing that she’s constantly sending compliments your way, that could be a firm pointer that she’s attracted to you and trying to find out how you feel about it too. [Read: 15 secret signs of female bisexuality to recognize a bisexual girl]

What should you do about it?

If you’re noticing many of these signs on how to tell if a lesbian is attracted to you and you’re pretty sure that she is, what should you do about it?

Firstly, think how you feel. Never lead someone on when you’re not too sure how you feel about it. Dabbling in your sexuality isn’t something you should do lightly if you’re involving someone else. She has feelings, she might have a very firm handle on her sexuality and if you’re experimenting, make sure she knows that and that she’s fine with it. [Read: Am I lesbian or bisexual? How to understand your true desires]

Of course, if you’re not interested in a relationship and you simply want to be friends, you can tell her that in a gentle way. By doing that, you’re letting her know early on that you’re not interested in anything more than friendship, and that leads the way to allow friendship to grow between you.

However, the key here is to be gentle – when you rebuff anyone’s romantic feelings, whatever their sexuality, it’s important to do so with humility and respect.

[Read: Is she a lesbian? 20 signs your BFF is a bit too close for comfort]

These signs should give you more insight into how to tell if a lesbian is attracted to you. However, it’s important to look for more than one. Don’t just notice one and then assume that she’s crushing on you! You need a combination of around three, or maybe more, to be sure.

The post How to Tell If a Lesbian is Attracted To You & How to Respond to Her is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

26 Sexy, Naughty, Dirty Things to Say During Sex & Make Them Horny

We all want to know what’ll turn someone on in bed. Sometimes, all you need are the right kind of dirty things to say during sex and make anyone horny!

Have you ever seen an awkward sex scene on tv? Usually, it’s either super silent or someone says something completely out of the blue, making the entire scene uncomfortable and embarrassing.We all want to speak dirty in bed and sound naughty, but knowing the right kind of dirty things to say during sex can be tricky, at least at the beginning.

As we continue to learn about ourselves and sex, in general, it’s normal to say something awkward or weird during sex. I mean, we’re not robots. Most people learn sex from either porn, movies, or tv shows. I know, our options are pretty sad, especially since none of these outlets are actually real. Everything is acted out to perfection, and let’s be honest, sex is never perfect in reality.

But that’s also the beauty of sex. It’s supposed to be messy, naughty, and passionate. This is where the power of language works wonders to create a more intense connection and atmosphere.

With the right kind of dirty things to say during sex, you can build a lot sexual tension and guide your partner in bed without bringing any awkwardness into the picture.

[Read: How to talk dirty in bed – Create naughty stories with these dirty talk examples]

26 dirty things to say during sex and turn your partner on

You don’t need to give your partner directions; instead, you can use dirty talk to help them understand what you like and dislike. See? Dirty talk can be pretty useful; you just need to know what to say. So, I’m going to show you the 26 dirty things to say during sex.

Let’s get naughty. [Read: 20+ beginner dirty talk examples to get them in the mood for fun]

#1 Only use dirty talk if you want to. Listen, not everyone feels comfortable saying dirty things during sex. If you’re not comfortable, then you don’t need to go all in. You can start off with relatively vanilla lines and see how you feel. If it doesn’t make you feel good, then stop completely. You can’t force yourself to talk dirty in bed.

#2 Does that feel good? But not in a confused voice. Say it with confidence, let your partner lead you.

#3 I want your dick/pussy in my mouth. Well, there’s no point beating around the bush. You want what they have, and you want it right now.

#4 I’ve been thinking about your cock/pussy all day. I’m surprised you made it through the workday. Once you have cock/pussy on your mind, it’s hard to shake off. [Read: How to talk dirty over text and turn your crush on in no time]

#5 I love the way your dick/pussy tastes. If you love sucking or eating them out, let them know by complimenting them. If they’re sucking or eating you, and you want more, tell them you love what they’re doing to you.

#6 What do you want me to do to you? If you say this in a sensual and dirty voice, you’ll get your answer within seconds. Remember, confidence is key.

#7 I want you to watch me touch myself. Now, this is hot. Though they’ll want to throw themselves on you, torture them a bit by making them watch you masturbate.

#8 I want you to make me cum. Challenge accepted. Now that you said this, they have only one thing on their mind: to make you cum. [Read: 25 dirty talk examples to make anyone explode in bed]

#9 Spank me harder! Whatever they’re doing to you, it’s turning you into a wild animal. You want more, and more. A gentle spank isn’t going to do it, so get them to spank you harder.

#10 Lick every inch of my body. You want your body to be worshiped during sex. Ask them to lick every inch of you, and your wish will come true.

#11 I’ve been thinking about eating you out all day. This isn’t a lie. You’ve been thinking about eating out your partner all day. Let them know what’s been on your mind and how much you think of them.

#12 Fuck my pussy. Very to the point and direct. You can’t get any clearer than this, and yet, if you say it right, it’s extremely naughty and sexy. [Read: 50 sexy, dirty things to say to your boyfriend to warm him up for sex]

#13 Oh yes, right there. They’ve hit the spot, and you’re digging their moves. If you want them to keep going, let them know they’re on the right track.

#14 I love the way you smell. This can be said when you’re covered in sex sweat, or it can be said at the beginning of foreplay. Either way, it’s sweet.

#15 You’re a very dirty boy/girl. If you want them to get a little naughtier, use this line. It always sparks the animal in a person.

#16 Are you ready for round two? Round one was amazing, but you’re not finished yet. You want more; you need more. They better be ready.

#17 You have a beautiful cock/pussy. Who doesn’t like to be complimented? The penis/vagina are intimate places, seen by very few. Don’t be shy to compliment them.

#18 Don’t cum, don’t cum, don’t cum! The sex is amazing, and you don’t want it to end. But do know, if you say this, they won’t be able to stop themselves from cumming. [Read: Sexy words – How to pick the right words to arouse your partner]

#19 Pull my hair harder! Woah! Looks like things are going well. You want your partner to be a little rougher, demand them to pull your hair harder.

#20 I want to devour your dick. You’re hungry, very hungry. And it looks like they have the perfect meal right in front of you.

#21 You make me so wet. Even though they’ll soon figure it out, it’s always nice to let them know how they make you feel.

#22 You make me want to do dirty, dirty things. Let them take control and lead you down a dirty road. [Read: 23 dirty talking tips that’ll make you a much naughtier dirty talker]

#23 I want you to cum all over me. Well, well, aren’t we a little dirty? If this is how you want it to end, tell them.

#24 Go deeper inside me! You can’t handle it; you want more! And more! Let them know they’re driving you crazy.

#25 I beg you to fuck me. Please, please, please. Every now and then, when the moment is right, begging can work wonders.

#26 I want you inside of me. Of course, you want your partner inside of you. So, let them know.

[Read: The complete guide to dirty talk and turn your love on like no one else can]

Now you have all the dirty things to say during sex that’ll make your partner really horny and inspire them to go all out sexually. All you need to do is test them out with your partner and see which ones hit the spot.

The post 26 Sexy, Naughty, Dirty Things to Say During Sex & Make Them Horny is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

Relationship Communication: The Olive Rule

Fights and resentment in a relationship can resolve... but not without the right communication. The Olive Rule gives you the ultimate tool to bust relationship roadblocks.

Jesus of Nazareth taught his followers one Golden Rule by which to live their lives, if they wanted to live harmonious, heavenly lives: do unto others as you'd have others do unto you.

It is a rule that appears in many of the world's great religions.

The dhama of Hinduism and Buddhism instructs not to do to others that which you would not want done to you.

Confucius instructs that what you do not wish for yourself, do not do to others.

Among the Yoruba, a Nigerian tribe, there is a proverb that says, "One who is going to take a pointed stick to pinch a baby bird should first try it on himself to feel how it hurts."

Contents

1. What Arguments Look Like

2. Mutual Misunderstanding

3. The Olive Rule

4. The Olive Rule Goal

5. When a Partner's Unreasonable

6. What If No Compromise?

7. Public Debates

8. Conclusion

While the Golden Rule governs actions toward another individual, there is a Rule like this that governs relationship communication, too.

This rule permits those who follow it to have happier, healthier, less stressful, more productive, closer, better relationships.

It removes the worst obstacles out of the way of relationship happiness between any two people.

And it makes both parties of a relationship view each other with a far more caring, understanding light.

It is a rule I've taken to calling the Olive Rule, and following it will change how you run your relationships.

How to Know a Narcissist is Finished With You: The Harsh Truth

Being with them is a nightmare. But it feels worse when they’re done using you. Here’s how to know a narcissist is finished with you and moved on.

When you fall in love with a narcissist, you don’t really know what’s going on. If you did, you wouldn’t have gone into a relationship with them. But they’ve managed to fool you, and slowly wrap you around their finger, making your life a living hell. Of course, now you have a dilemma; you’re in love with them. Do they still care about you? Or are they looking for a new narcissistic supply? You’re not sure where you stand, nor are you sure how to know a narcissist is finished with you.

[Read: Narcissistic supply – What it is and how to stop giving them what they crave]

What are you going to do? Break up? Probably not. You’ll stick around, and maybe get the courage to move on once your patience runs out. And this isn’t anything to be ashamed of. Listen, we’ve all been in unhealthy situations, and they’re not easy to get out of especially when emotions are involved.

Learn to identify the narcissists around you

If you’ve identified your partner as a narcissist, then you’re one step closer to being ‘woke.’ Yes, you read that correctly. I said woke.

Now, you just need to believe in yourself and cut the cord between you and your partner. However, if they’re displaying the signs they’re finished with you and bored already, it looks like they’re doing the hard work for you.

If they’re a narcissist, they can’t hang around the same partner for too long; they need a change of scenery, a new victim. Lucky for you, it looks like they’ve grown tired of this routine and are ready to move. Shed a tear, but also count your blessings because you avoided the mental and emotional abuse from a narcissist.

[Read: How to tell if someone is a narcissist and identify them in no time]

How to know a narcissist is finished with you

Are they done with you? Are they onto the next victim?

#1 They’re hunting for new meat. Sorry to my vegan readers, but this is spot on. If you’re wondering how to know a narcissist is finished with you, the clearest sign is that they’re already on the hunt for new meat. And they’ve been on the hunt for a while.

A narcissist will never get rid of their partner unless they have someone new in sight. They’re always texting, disappearing for hours on end; that’s them preparing their next victim. [Read: 16 ways a narcissist abuses you and uses you until you break]

#2 You see their true colors. Before, they were trying to put on a show, giving you a fake image of who they are. But now, they don’t give a shit. They’ve dropped the mask, and all you see is their ugly face. They’re showing their true colors because now they don’t need you. Why would they use up their energy on someone they don’t need?

#3 You feel the change. You know something is up. You can feel their behavior change towards you, and them distancing themselves. If your intuition is on high-alert, you’re not going crazy. These are your instincts telling you to wake up.

#4 They don’t answer your texts or calls. People get busy and reply after a couple of hours, that’s understandable. But if you’re wondering how to know a narcissist is finished with you, pay attention to whether or not they’ve started ignoring you.

Has your narcissistic partner or narcissistic friend stopped replying to your texts and calls? They only text or call you back if they need something from you, whether it’s sex, money, or an ego boost. We all know why; you’re not someone they need anymore. [Read: Why do narcissists ignore texts and do the selfish things they do]

#5 They’re cruel towards you without reason. You didn’t do anything wrong, and even if you did, their actions are inflated. They use common strategies to push you down. They’ll gaslight you, withhold information from you, do smear campaigns and spread harmful gossip about you to essentially try to ruin you as a person.

#6 They’re negative towards you. Before, they would flatter you with compliments, but now, you’re a burden to them. So, they let themselves go and point out your character flaws. You were once seen as smart, but now you’re cunning and hawkish. The traits you thought they liked about you are used against you. [Read: The narcissistic victim syndrome and how to find your way out of this mess]

#7 They didn’t formally break-up with you. Okay, so you’re probably having a hard time recognizing whether or not a narcissist is finished with you because they don’t end relationships in a traditional manner. They’re not going to tell you it’s over. They’ll just disappear and pop back up when their other plans didn’t work out.

#8 They don’t try to hoover. Usually, a narcissist will hoover over you, bombarding you with the promise of love and affection until you’re back into their web. But, when a narcissist is over you, they’re not going to hoover. This is a clear sign that you’re no longer of interest to them. [Read: What is hoovering? The games narcissists play to suck you in]

#9 You become a threat to them. Before, you were seen as a useful tool. But now your qualities and achievements are seen as a threat. If anything, you’re reminding them of their lack of success, and that can’t happen. This perceived threat is a sign they need to move on and find someone less than them.

#10 They’re extremely moody. One minute they’re calm and collected, the other minute they’re angry and bitter. And these extreme mood changes are caused by unrest in their souls. They’re deeply damaged individuals and are constantly fighting with themselves. And this moodiness is a sign they need to move on. [Read: Attention seeking behavior and why some people go looking for drama]

#11 They’ve updated themselves. One day they were wearing jeans and a t-shirt, the next day they’re coming in with a new haircut and suit. By revamping their image, they’re preparing themselves for the next person. You can’t look like a bum when trying to find someone new to torture.

#12 They’re not present. Before, you could talk to them and they’d be able to have a conversation with you. I mean, at least pretend to have one. But now they’re no longer present in any interaction with you. And if they are present, they’re speaking in a way to degrade and manipulate you.

[Read: How to make a narcissist regret ever leaving you]

If you’ve been pulling out your hair, getting the courage to end the relationship, well, maybe you don’t have to. If you’ve been wondering how to know a narcissist is finished with you, and you see these signs, they’ve done the hard work for you by moving onto their next victim.

The post How to Know a Narcissist is Finished With You: The Harsh Truth is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

Why Do Girls Play Games & Test Guys in the Early Stages of Dating?

Have you ever wondered why do girls play games when in the early stages of dating? Perhaps it’s down to the fact that we can’t figure guys out either!

Is the woman in your life playing the odd game or two? Do you find it hard to really figure out what she’s thinking or trying to achieve? If you’re wondering why do girls play games or shit test guys, you’re not alone. It’s a very common fact that girls play games in relationships and dating. I can say that with confidence because I am one!

[Read: Shit test 101 – What it is and how to successfully pass all her tests]

Yes, I will admit to playing the odd game every now and again, and whilst I tend to do it less now I’m a little wiser, I wouldn’t rule it out in the future!

Why do we do this?

Because half the time we have no idea what is going through our partner’s mind, or the person we’re attempting to date, and we want to try and get a specific type of reaction.

Now, I will admit one thing. The games we play often backfire. You see, you can’t control the way someone is going to think or react. When asking why do girls play games, you’ll see that the most common game we play is the silent treatment. We assume that by being quiet and ignoring you, you’ll come running and ask us what is wrong.

Most of the time this doesn’t work, but that doesn’t stop us trying!

[Read: What is she trying to tell you when a woman pulls away]

In this case, we’re trying to get attention. We want you to say “baby, what’s wrong today?” and give us a hug to make everything better. However, this often backfires and we get equal amounts of silence coming our way.

Another is the “I’m fine” tactic. It all comes down to how you say it, but saying that you’re fine actually means you’re not. If the girl in your life saying “I’m fine” but with a certain amount of fire on the word “fine”, or with a particular amount of indifference, the chances are they are far from fine and you should drop everything and try and figure out what is wrong immediately. Avoid this at your peril! [Read: When a girl says “I’m fine” and 14 more deadly terms used by women]

So, why do girls play games?

Let’s be honest – Why do girls play games in dating and relationships?

You might not have realized this, but everyone in dating and relationships plays games to some degree, but it might be that you don’t actually notice you’re doing it. In order to try and figure out what is going on, we attempt to get attention via gamesmanship.

I’ll be the first to hold my hands up at how ridiculous it all is. Surely if we really want to know something or say something we should just vocalize it and find out first hand. By playing games, we’re attempting to manipulate the situation and that’s never a good idea.

Despite that, we continue to do it. I continue to do it!

[Read: How to stop playing relationship games and focus on loving instead]

In many ways, it comes down to a lack of communication. From my experience, guys in particular are not fantastic at expressing their feelings vocally. I don’t want to generalize, but that’s what I’ve experienced in the past. If you’re in a relationship with a girl who is great at game playing, ask yourself whether you’re communicating effectively too.

I’m not suggesting that game playing is right, but it does usually come down to the girl not getting what they need or want.

For me, whenever I’ve attempted to try and get my partner to show me attention and used games to do it, I’ve become frustrated when it didn’t work out the way I wanted it to. This usually made me ten times more annoyed and it spilled over into an argument. I expected them to be able to read my mind, I expected them to simply know what was wrong without me having to say it!

You see, poor communication works both ways and it’s at the heart of game playing.

[Read: How to communicate better in a relationship and understand each other]

So, is game playing the right thing to do?

Absolutely not!

By explaining why do girls play games, I’m not attempting to legitimize it in any way. I do it, and I’m not proud to admit it. My friends do it, my sister does it, pretty much everyone I know does it. It’s because it comes so easily to us.

When we’re not getting the reaction we want, sure we try and push things in our direction. Is it just girls? No!

Guys play games too! If you’re a guy, how many times have you ghosted a girl simply to try and get her to come running? Have you tired the “treat ‘em mean, keep ‘em keen” routine? That’s a game in itself, and it’s just as cruel and annoying as the games which girls play.

We’re all guilty of game playing, it’s just that girls get called out on it so much more because we’re considered to be manipulating a situation to our own liking. Surely that’s what a guy does when he tries to make a girl jealous or doesn’t return her calls, only to come running when he hears that she might have met someone new? [Read: Why guys play games and think it’s a great way to get girls]

Nobody is without fault here, because when the heart is involved, we do stupid things to try and get what we want. Our common sense isn’t working so well because it’s eclipsed by the heart. So why do girls play games? Because we care!

You might think that’s some kind of twisted logic, but in my case especially, it’s true! I would bet for most girls it’s the same reason.

When we want attention and you’re not giving it to us, we don’t want to turn around and say “please give me attention”, because it sounds pathetic! We might be pathetic for wanting it, but so what? If you care or like someone, you want their attention in your life because it makes you feel good! That’s exactly what a guy is doing when he’s intentionally ghosting a girl with the agenda to go back to her, but in a different way!

We’re not doing it to be mean or underhanded, we’re doing it because we have the best intentions at heart. Are we right in the way we go about it? Probably not, but if it gets us what we want and need, surely we’re on the right track?

[Read: How to tell if a girl is playing mind games and doesn’t care about you at all]

In guess in a perfect world, there would be no need to play games, no need to try and get what we need in a so-called underhanded way and no need to try and figure out something which is confusing us. However, we don’t live in a perfect world and relationships are hard. Girls have a hard time when it comes to being accused of game playing, but it’s important to understand that everyone does it, simply in different ways.

So, why do girls play games? Because we’re human and because we care. The games can vary, sure, but the bottom line is the same. However, if the game causes hurt or pain, that’s something else entirely. I’m all for games which lead to the right place and bring people closer together, but if you’re playing games which cause conflict and pit people against each other, you need to ask yourself why you’re doing it, and stop it immediately.

[Read: 11 biggest tests a girl puts every guy through in a relationship]

Trying to work out why do girls play games can be confusing, especially if you don’t have a deep insight into the female mind! The best way around it is communication; talk to each other, try and work out what is going on. And if you really can’t find a way through it, well, perhaps you’re really not meant for each other in the first place. Love has a strange way of working itself out.

The post Why Do Girls Play Games & Test Guys in the Early Stages of Dating? is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.