Sunday mornings are always a blessing, and that’s not only for religious people since it’s the day of the Lord but also for everyone else since you can still bathe…
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Sending wedding wishes for a friend is a joyful moment because you’re truly excited for them to start this new chapter in their life with their soulmate. When you wish…
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What's it take to succeed at online dating? A simple opener. Concise messages. Movement toward the date. Plus 4 other crucial steps.Hey guys, welcome back!
In this follow-up to my original article, I’ll discuss how to make online game work for you.
If:
You’re practicing cold approach but can’t figure out how to fit online game into meeting women
You’ve tried online but didn’t achieve much success
Cheating is a heartbreaking thing for a partner to deal with. You give your all to someone, to be vulnerable, and trust despite any baggage or heartbreak you might have suffered in the past. You’re in love and hope it will last forever. But then, your partner goes and does something monumentally stupid. They cheat on you with someone they’ve either just met, someone they’ve known a long time, or a co-worker. How do affairs start, you wonder?
It shatters your confidence, trust, and leaves you wondering what comes next. There is a very real difference between a one night stand and an affair. You will have no idea how you will react until you’re in that moment and faced with your partner admitting to cheating… or you’ve found them out yourself.
[Read: The most obvious signs of a cheating spouse that are easy to miss]
Perhaps a one night stand is easier to forgive because it was just one night and nothing more, but an affair? An affair is a longer term deal. It might be a matter of weeks, months, or even years.
It’s heartbreaking, but how do affairs start in the first place?
What is an affair and why do they start?
An affair is basically a relationship of some kind with someone who isn’t your partner. Affairs can happen when a couple are married, not married, or engaged. They can start at any time.
Sometimes they’re super-intense and fizzle out, while other times they’re just about sex. However, the worst kind is undoubtedly when an emotional connection is formed. More on that shortly. [Read: The signs of emotional infidelity that can lead you to a real affair]
Affairs ruin relationships. Many couples manage to overcome an affair, provided the cheating ends and the straying partner learns their lesson and vows never to do it again. However, some couples simply can’t overcome it and go their separate ways.
Sometimes, the cheating partner ends up being with the person they had the affair with, and even go on to marry. That’s a real kick in the teeth for the person they were originally with, don’t you think?
[Read: Why do people in happy relationships still cheat?]
How does it all begin?
But, how do affairs start? They can happen for a multitude of reasons. It’s long been thought that humans are able to love more than one person. In that case, maybe they just met and fell in love.
However, it could be that a partner is feeling unloved. Maybe their sex life has really slowed down and communication has broken down. This could leave a partner to seek comfort elsewhere. It could be enough to begin an affair if they meet the right person.
Of course, none of these potential reasons are good enough. But they’re common answers to the question of how do affairs start in the first place.
[Read: The 13 types of affairs people have and the reasons behind them]
How do affairs start at work?
The work environment is one of the most common places for affairs to start. In this setting, mistakes can happen and affairs can blossom. Why? Because people spend a large amount of time together and bond over a poor working situation, such as bad management.
There is a reason why many workplaces have policies that prohibit working relationships. It tells you a lot about the frequency that these types of affairs can happen. Of course, workplaces don’t really care about whether you’re cheating on your partner or not. But it can affect your focus in the workplace.
However, when two people share a work space, no matter how big or small, it’s common for emotional connections to form. If a person is feeling unloved or unappreciated by their partner at the time, this can be a breeding ground for cheating situations.
[Read: The unwritten work spouse rules to keep things fun and uncomplicated]
The problem is, if you are attracted to someone you work with, it’s very difficult to put space between you. You work together day in and day out. While you can try and be professional and push your feelings or your attraction to one side, it can be extremely hard to do so in the moment.
How do affairs start online?
That leads us to another of the most common places for affairs to begin – online. Social media is a blessing on so many levels, but if you’re wondering how do affairs start, that’s one of the culprits.
You see, if someone is looking for flirtation, they can find it in seconds on any social media site. It might start off innocently. But things can spiral out of control very quickly. Before you know it, online flirting has turned to sexting, and then people are meeting up in person.
[Read: Instagram flirting and how it is secretly ruining your relationship]
You can’t completely blame social media for this, because it always falls at the door of the person and their intentions. It’s definitely a very easy place for those who want to stray to be able to do so with ease. How many relationships have ended because of something that’s been seen or said on social media? Far too many!
At the end of the day, whether you want to point the finger at the internet or workplaces as two of the most common places for affairs starting, neither can force someone to do something they’re not supposed to do.
There must be an underlying reason why the affair took place. Whether someone is not happy in their relationship or a simple attraction that couldn’t be controlled, it all comes down to the person cheating. You always have a choice. [Read: How to get over someone cheating on you and repair the damage]
Emotionally involved or just sex?
Whether or not you forgive a partner who has had an affair is a personal decision to make. You should never feel rushed or pressured into going either way. If you feel like you want to forgive your partner and you’re sure that you can learn to trust them again over time, that’s perfectly fine and your choice. However, for many people, the decision of whether to forgive or end things depends on whether it was just sex or if actual emotions were involved in the affair.
[Read: Do emotional affairs ever stop? Steps to breaking the connection]
In that way, it doesn’t so much come down to how do affairs start, but how do they evolve? If it’s just sex, could that be forgiven more easily than a partner who fell in love with someone else or developed a strong emotional connection?
There is no right or wrong answer. For me however, if it was just sex, I may be able to forgive it in time more easily than if there were actual emotions involved in the betrayal. Because at the end of the day, that is what it is – betrayal.
It’s a total and utter betrayal of your trust and love for that person. It can destroy you, and, if you allow it to do so, stop you from developing relationships in the future. [Read: The 7 stages of emotional affairs and the games it plays on your mind]
So, what should you do?
Take your time. That’s the only thing you can do. Don’t feel rushed into making a decision right now. Give yourself the time and space to really digest what has happened. Then, when you’re ready, find out the answers you need.
If your partner is sorry and they want to work on the relationship, they’ll give you the answers you need in the most honest of ways. However, if they’re not keen to share details, that’s not something which is going to help you overcome the betrayal. [Read: 18 signs of an emotional affair you probably never ever considered]
When emotions are involved, how can you be sure that those emotions have gone and that they won’t rear their head again in the future? How can you be sure that your partner isn’t going to stray again? The answer is that you can’t.
You have to be able to trust once more and put your faith in the relationship that has been rebuilt over time. That’s what is so difficult, because once you’ve been betrayed, it’s easy to assume that every red flag means the same thing is going to happen again.
[Read: The practical steps you need to take to rebuild trust after cheating]
How do affairs start? For a huge number of reason and in a range of different places. But you need to remember that affairs aren’t forced on anyone. They are a decision that a person makes, to betray their partner.
The post How Do Affairs Start? The Ways They Play Out in Real Life is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.
Learning how to overcome codependency starts with understanding the different ways we can be codependent. You can be emotionally codependent and need someone else’s happiness to feel happy. You can be codependent on someone else’s problems. Plus, you can be codependent in a relationship as a whole.
The issue with codependency is that it draws your happiness and feelings from an external source. Sure, our partners and jobs should make us happy, but they should not be the source of our contentment.
We should feel capable of functioning without that link to someone else.
[Read: Do you have codependent traits that make you clingy?]
How did you become codependent?
Most of us are not born with codependency issues. They can arise from our parents, loved ones, and most commonly, our romantic partners.
Codependency is often brought on by low self-esteem and a need for approval. But it can also be brought on by someone else’s influence on you. You can be codependent on your partner’s problems.
It is commonly seen that the partners of addicts are codependent. Their partner’s addiction defines their behaviors and happiness. In this case, codependence does not just plague your life but can cause you to enable your partner’s harmful behavior as well.
[Read: How to spot codependent behavior early and regain yourself]
What led you to your reliance on others? When did this behavior first show itself? Was it one traumatic event or was there a pattern in your life that led to you being codependent?
Codependency can be seen as clinginess, jealousy, controlling behavior, resentment, and more. Codependency takes away your individuality and even your ability to function with emotional stability. That is why it is so important to learn how to overcome codependency.
[Read: 20 signs you’re a people pleaser and don’t even realize it]
How to overcome codependency
Overcoming codependency is a lot like overcoming trust issues. It is something that is deeply ingrained in your mind. You are hooked to this feeling and it is your norm, so fighting it can be difficult.
It can feel vulnerable and scary because taking the power over your emotions back puts more pressure on you, but less on your relationships which helps you heal.
There are a lot of steps you can take to overcome codependency and not all of them will work for everyone. But being able to take these steps and apply these things to your life will give you more strength and awareness of your own feelings leading you to become more self-reliant.
[Read: How to not be a pushover anymore! Learn what makes you one and take a stand]
#1 Realize you’re codependent. Congratulations! You already did this one if you are reading this. Admitting that you are codependent or in a codependent relationship is the first step to overcoming it and is one of the hardest ones.
It is difficult to break the cycle you may have been stuck in for years. Learning how to identify the behavior that correlates to your codependency is vital to change it. Whenever you notice that you are letting your emotions be dictated by your partner, by the success of your relationship, or the like, you can alter that reaction.
#2 Know you cannot fix your partner. Those who are codependent often choose partners that they feel need them. You may be with someone you have to take care of physically or emotionally. You become a rock for your partner and constantly give without receiving what you need.
Once a relationship starts in on this routine, it is hard to break. You are constantly feeling down and drained because you are giving so much hoping for something in return, but are left empty. Accept that you cannot change your partner. Their behavior and treatment of you does not define you. [Read: Martyr complex – How to recognize the signs of the martyr syndrome in you]
#3 Let go of control. The hard part about being codependent is that your feelings are being controlled by others but you desperately want control. You change your behavior by making excuses, keeping your mouth shut, and not speaking your truth to keep the peace. But that only clogs your emotions and leads to resentment and frustration.
#4 Be upfront. Being honest is the best way to overcome codependency. Telling your partner how you feel and how what they do makes you feel is the only way to work through this together. Come clean about how you feel without editing it down.
As someone with codependency, you don’t want to upset your partner because you feel that that reflects on you, but being brutally honest will help you rely on your own emotions. [Read: How to tell your partner you’re unhappy in the relationship]
#5 Release self hatred. Self-esteem issues lead us to crave attention and love from others. We qualify our success and self-worth through how others see us, or worse, how we think others see us.
If you can work on your confidence internally, you can let go of the need for acceptance from others. [Read: We accept the love we deserve – Why do you think you aren’t worthy]
#6 Fill your life with more. Codependency arises when we close ourselves off to the other important relationships in our lives. Since you started dating this person, have you drifted from friends and family? That can cause more of your happiness and self worth to be pulled from the person you are with most of the time.
Make time for the other people in your life. Go home and visit with family. Be sure to make plans with your friends you lost touch with. Find hobbies you enjoy or pick up the hobbies you let go of. Adding more to your life helps you live it more balanced. [Read: Madly in love? How to balance your life when you’ve fallen hard]
#7 Learn to say no. Those who are codependent aren’t just prone to enabling their partners’ poor behavior but are often martyrs. When you are codependent, you go above and beyond the norm. You go out of your way to say yes even when you don’t want to do something. So you please them, and that should please you, but often leaves you feeling empty.
Be bold and say ‘no’ more often. You don’t have to do the things your partner expects all the time just because they want it or are used to it. You are your own person and free to make your own choices. [Read: How to tell if someone is using you – 16 signs a user can’t hide]
#8 Know your worth. This step may be harder to accomplish and comes with time and practice, but it is very important. Once you can do this, you know you are excelling in overcoming your codependency. Demand the respect you deserve. Speak up for yourself. [Read: 14 secrets of self-worth and self-belief]
#9 Enjoy your alone time. One big part of being codependent is having a fear of being alone. A lot can go into that, but practicing self-care when you are alone is vital. Take baby steps to get there.
Go to the movies alone. Go have lunch by yourself. Take a walk. And don’t think of alone time as being lonely. Think of it as sharing your own company. [Read: The signs you’re addicted to a relationship and slowly losing yourself]
#10 Go to therapy. There is no shame in asking for help. Codependency is a hard phenomenon to overcome at all, and even harder when you are going it alone. Find a therapist that will take that journey of self-growth with you. They will dissect what led you here and help you work your way forward as a stronger and more independent person.
[Read: How to be emotionally independent and stop using others for happiness]
Learning how to overcome codependency is not something that happens overnight, but with awareness, practice, and help, you can thrive on your own.
The post How to Overcome Codependency & Thrive on Your Own Two Feet is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.
Friday is a Holy day for all the Muslims around the world. Muslims send Jumma Mubarak quotes and wishes to their friends and family members to spread blessings around the…
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With a nice and loving boyfriend, it is common for girls to search for thank you quotes for boyfriend to appreciate his kind gestures of love. If your boyfriend loves…
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My first serious relationship was full of passion and drama. It was equivalent to a really bad reality TV show you can’t stop watching. And I’m not the only one who’s had a relationship like this. Needless to say, it was a toxic relationship where two people really shouldn’t be together. Were there signs of when to leave a relationship? Of course, there were. In fact, they were so obvious, a blind man could see them.
But when you’re in the relationship, it can be hard to accept those signs. Because let’s face it, deep down, we all know what the signs are, it’s whether or not we accept them and take action that makes all the difference.
How to know when to leave a relationship
We hold on to relationships for various reasons. Back in my early twenties, I was deeply insecure and genuinely thought no one else would want to be with me other than him. It’s a crazy thought now that I look back. But, I’m not the only one who’s had those thoughts. Other people stay in bad relationships because of comfort or because they’re deeply invested, whether it’s emotionally or financially.
[Read: How to deal with breakup anxiety and overcome your biggest fears]
But if a relationship isn’t doing you good, then it may be time to call it quits. Of course, every relationship has its ups and downs, but going through a rough patch is completely different than feeling unfulfilled in your relationship.
Not all relationships are forever. Learn the signs of when to leave a relationship, and do what’s best for you.
#1 You don’t feel like yourself. You’ve been in the relationship for a while, but you don’t feel good about yourself. You haven’t grown into a better person; instead, you’ve become someone you don’t recognize anymore. Maybe you’re more reserved, confrontational, or timid.
The right partner should be making you feel like a better person, helping you to find your light. But, in your relationship, it’s the opposite. [Read: A lack of affection in a relationship: Is it time to walk away?]
#2 They’ve cheated on you. Some couples decide to work through a cheating scandal and make the relationship better. And listen, if you choose to do that, that’s fine. But it’s a two-way street. If your partner is still cheating on you and keeping you in the dark on certain things, then it’s time to leave. What? Are you just going to be in a dishonest relationship for the rest of your life? Just leave your relationship because you’re better off alone.
#3 They dismiss you. Whether you are going out with friends or having an argument, your partner is always dismissing you. They don’t consider your opinion or feelings. Instead, you feel like you’re just someone who’s there. How you feel doesn’t matter to them, and when it comes to feeling connected and loved, that’s not there. [Read: Never ignore these 15 signs of a lack of respect in a relationship]
#4 You don’t love your partner anymore. No one said once you enter a loving relationship, it’ll continue to be a loving relationship until the end. People change; nothing is linear. And if it’s been months since you’ve felt genuine love towards your partner, this is something serious you need to consider. Do you love your partner anymore? If you don’t, this could be when to leave a relationship.
#5 The cons outweigh the pros. Every relationship has its good and bad — some small crappy things you let slide, but only to a point. If you’re feeling there are more cons in your relationship than positive things, you’ve got yourself a problem. If your relationship is slowly dying, put it out of its misery.
#6 You aren’t in the same place anymore. In the beginning, you were on the same page and felt connected. But it’s been a long time since you’ve felt that. And that’s okay; it’s normal for people to grow apart and choose different paths. But if that’s the case, be honest with yourself and understand that the relationship isn’t what it once was.
#7 They lie to you. You just want to have a decent relationship with your partner, so you let their lies and dishonesty slide by. If you’re catching them in lie after lie, then it’s time you started to get real with them. If your partner isn’t honest with you, then you know when to leave the relationship. [Read: What to do when there’s lying in your relationship: Can it survive?]
#8 You don’t feel they love you. Sure, they’re your partner, but you don’t feel that they love you anymore. The connection isn’t there, and neither is physical affection. Things have flatlined without hope in sight of revival. In a healthy relationship, you should feel loved by your partner, and if that’s not happening, it’s time to move on.
#9 It’s all on your shoulders. The entire relationship is on your shoulders. If it wasn’t for you and your hard work, it would have been over months ago. But, you’re single-handedly keeping things alive.
Aren’t you exhausted? Don’t you want to be with someone who wants to carry some responsibility for the relationship on their shoulders as well? [Read: The hidden signs of a one-sided relationship we all choose to ignore]
#10 They abuse you. Listen, whether it’s emotional, physical, or mental abuse, there’s really no excuse. Sure, they may have had a rough childhood, but that doesn’t give them a pass to abuse you.
If, by any means, you’re being abused by your partner, it’s time to leave the relationship. Things will not get better, even though you may think they will. They will not get better. [Read: How to spot an emotional abuser with these emotional abuse signs]
#11 You feel your life is on pause. It’s normal for couples to make personal sacrifices, but they make those sacrifices for the sake of their loving relationship. But, if your partner is making you feel like you’re putting your life on pause for them, and they’re not returning the favor, well, this isn’t fair.
If you’re feeling held back by your partner, no matter how much you love them, you should do what’s right for you.
#12 Prolonged unhappiness. Knowing when to leave a relationship is sometimes very simple: you’re not happy. You haven’t been happy in a while.
Maybe you thought after your partner’s raise or having a child, things would get better, but they won’t. If you’re feeling prolonged unhappiness, this is a sign you need to move on. A relationship shouldn’t make you feel sadness; it’s supposed to inspire you and help you grow. [Read: How to know if you’re settling in an unhappy relationship that’s dragging you down]
#13 Your partner demands too much from you. You feel like you’re a clown juggling all of your partner’s needs and demands. Your partner places high standards on you, but they don’t give you much in return. Instead, the onus is all on you to make this a better relationship. Screw that! Find someone who actually wants a partner, not a servant.
#14 You fear to be alone. Are you sticking it through this relationship because you’re scared to be alone? If that’s the case, then you really need to leave the relationship.
You’re not in it for the right reasons; instead, you’re in it because of fear. Being with someone out of fear will never work, and eventually, you will end up alone. [Read: How to let go of your fear of being alone and find peace]
#15 You’re stuck in the past. In your head, your relationship is heavily based on the past. You reminisce about things you did with your partner two years ago, but that’s the only thing that’s keeping the relationship alive. What happened in the past isn’t happening now, and that’s not a good sign of a happy relationship.
[Read: When is it time to break up? The signs to know for sure it’s time]
Now you know when it’s time to leave a relationship. Knowing these signs can help you figure out your relationship and future steps you need to take.
The post When to Leave a Relationship: 15 Clues That Shouldn’t Be Ignored is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.
What is dating? How do you feel about it? Some people love dating, others shy away from it. Personally, I am not the world’s biggest fan. I am not able to go with the flow. As for seeing what happens? Yeah, I’m not the greatest at that either.
However, we do live in a modern dating culture and it seems that single folk everywhere are putting out the feelers whenever they fancy doing so, and throwing themselves into the dating circle. Good for them! However, what is dating, and what isn’t it?
Dating in 2020 and early 2021 is a very different beast to how it normally is. Socially distanced dating isn’t exactly easy, and for the most part, we’ve had to focus on online dating as a substitute until the world returns to some form of normality. Outside of the pandemic however, what does dating look like to you?
[Read: Date night ideas during Covid to keep you dating safely]
What is dating exactly?
What is the definition of dating exactly? Does it vary from person to person or is there a generally recognized definition of what this strange and rather stressful time actually is?
To define it simply, dating is a period of time when you’re getting to know someone and trying to figure out whether you think you would like to move towards a relationship with them or not.
It’s a time of fun and frivolities, and it’s a time of no pressure. However, it rarely works out that way.
[Read: Do you have the patience for dating or are you frustrated by it?]
Some people date more than one person, others stick to one person at a time. It’s a personal deal and you can’t tell someone that they’re doing it wrong because as long as nobody is hurting anyone and everyone is being safe, there aren’t any set rules.
What age do people start dating?
People start dating earlier and earlier these days. However, for regular dating, anytime around 16 to 17 is considered average. If you didn’t start dating until much later, no worries at all. This isn’t a race, and what is dating if it’s not individual?
[Read: Casual dating vs serious dating: What’s your current dating speed?]
Dating vs relationship – What are the key differences?
It’s important to remember that there are key differences between dating and relationships. Dating isn’t meant to be anything solid and is not any type of guarantee of a future with that person. It’s relaxed and a period of getting to know one another. People who are dating can also date more than one person, as I mentioned, but that’s not usually the case with relationships.
The key differences between dating and a relationship come down to exclusivity, a shared vision of the future, and whether you love that person or not. Most people who are dating don’t love one another; they like each other and there may be an element of infatuation, but there’s no love yet. That’s the key difference. [Read: Is that love in the air? The clearest signs you’re starting to fall in love]
The different types of dating
There are also different types of dating. That’s what makes the question of ‘what is dating’ so hard to really pinpoint down. There’s casual dating, which is exactly what it says on the tin and is likely to be when a person is seeing more than one person.
There’s exclusive dating, when two people see each other exclusively and don’t date others. [Read: What does exclusive mean? 15 signs you’re heading towards this stage of dating]
Then there’s online dating, which is pretty common during the pandemic, and NSA dating, which means ‘no strings attached’. That type of dating is more likely to be about sex, but it can also be a case of ‘no promises’.
We also have long distance dating and sugar dating. Sugar dating is more of a beneficial arrangement between often an older person who is a little wealthy and a younger person who is trying to make ends meet. This is often also a financial agreement in exchange for spending time together. Of course, no judgement. If it works for the two of you, that’s great. [Read: How to be a good sugar baby – 16 secrets to the luxurious life]
How to date without going crazy: 17 steps you should never ignore
What is dating if it’s not enough to send you crazy? Some people can easily throw themselves into the dating lifestyle without feeling like they’re losing their minds with confusion and stress – I am not one of those people!
However, I have figured out a few ways to navigate the dating waters, and I’m going to share those with you now. [Read: How to navigate the dos and don’ts of the early stages of dating]
#1 Keep things in perspective. It’s important to know what is dating versus what it isn’t. Remember, there are no guarantees with dating, and you have to keep it in perspective and realize that. Don’t assume this person is going to be The One, and then become upset when things end. [Read: Dating for a month? Realistic expectations to keep in mind]
#2 Be wary of social media oversharing when dating. You’ll either end up social media stalking the person you’re dating and becoming stressed about every small thing, or you’ll overshare your dating details with friends. Don’t do either. Rein in your social media a little and keep things chilled out.
#3 Focus on yourself. It’s easy to start doing everything for the person you’re dating, but that’s blurring the lines. Keep the focus on you and enjoy the time you spend together. That way, you can get to know them without feeling overly confused about where things are going.
#4 Don’t lose sight of your friends. This is a huge rule! What is dating? It’s not about leaving your friends behind, that’s for sure. However, it’s something which many people start to do once they become infatuated with a new beau. Keep your friends as involved in your life as they were before, and don’t start cancelling meet ups. [Read: The dating code all girls MUST follow no matter what to be happy]
#5 Keep things light and avoid heavy discussions. You might want to know what’s actually going on between the two of you, but you’re dating, that’s it. Avoid conversations which make it the air heavy and charged, and keep things light and fun instead. [Read: The rules of dating and the unspoken guidelines that create the best dates]
#6 You don’t need a label. Dating is about getting to know someone. You don’t need to put more of a label on it than that. Don’t push for the ‘are we more than dating’ conversation, or try and put a relationship label on things too soon. Let things evolve naturally.
#7 Remember that it’s possible to not be exclusive. Some people date more than one person at a time, and you need to think about how you feel about that. You can’t blame them for doing so, but you don’t have to be comfortable with it. If you’re not, move on and date someone else.
#8 Know what you want and find out what they want. In my experience, there’s no point dating someone who wants totally different things to you. Yes, at this point it’s just chilled and fun, but why waste time getting to know someone who doesn’t want the same thing as you in life? [Read: How to open up to someone you’re dating when you’re scared]
#9 Remember that it’s not a job interview. Chill out! You don’t have to be on your best behavior and show your best side constantly. A friend once told me that it’s not a job interview, and she was right indeed!
#10 Stay true to what is important to you. Whatever you enjoy doing, continue doing it. Don’t change because you think someone you’re dating might not like the same thing or might think that it’s boring. It doesn’t matter – if you like it, carry on doing it! Dating is not a reason to change, I know that much! [Read: First date nerves and being yourself even when your heart is pounding]
#11 Look for red flags but don’t pay attention to what everyone says on social media. Social media can be a total dating killer. By all means, look for red flags but don’t believe everything you see on Facebook. Some people just like to cause trouble. Listen to your gut. [Read: 14 first date red flags that reveal a lot more than your date says]
#12 Keep things to yourselves for a while. There’s no need to broadcast the fact that you’re dating someone. If you do and it doesn’t work out, you’re going to feel a little foolish. Just keep things to yourself for a while and save yourself the hassle.
#13 Focus on enjoyment. Many people mistake dating for something which has to be serious and done ‘correctly’. There is no right or wrong method to dating, so just focus on fun and enjoyment and figure out what is dating for the two of you.
#14 Avoid playing games. Mind games aren’t fun and are borderline manipulation. Stick to being honest and transparent, it’s the best way to go about this entire dating game. Playing hard to get never works anyway. [Read: Playing games while dating someone – When it’s okay and when it harms you]
#15 Don’t always be the one to text first. You might be thinking this is a double standard because I’ve just told you not to play games but being the one to text first every single time just means the person you’re dating is lazy. Make them do some of the work!
#16 Focus on your health, don’t let things slip in the excitement and nerves. It’s easy to start with the dating butterflies and as a result, you don’t eat as much, or you don’t sleep. Make sure that you focus on your health first and foremost. Dating is meant to be fun, not a reason to end up unhealthy and lacking in vital vitamins! [Read: How to take care of yourself emotionally and avoid falling apart]
#17 When you start to feel stressed, pull back. When I started thinking about the whole ‘what is dating’ conversation, I realized that most of us think it’s meant to be stressful, but where is the fun in that? My advice is this – when you start to feel stressed out and anxious about it, pull back and focus on your own fun with your friends.
Then, when you feel ready again, try once more. Don’t make it a huge and negative deal in life, it’s not meant to be that way.
[Read: How to take a break from dating and imagine a better future]
What is dating? It’s meant to be fun and a time to get to know someone. It’s not meant to be a time of anxiety and stress. Perhaps we should all reframe the way we think about dating and focus on having fun!
The post What Is Dating? The Full Modern Day Culture Guide to Dating is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.
Men with the drive to truly excel in seduction possess one of several profiles. Each profile with its different traits and motivations pushes a man’s seduction journey in different directions.Did you know that the skills you learn in your seducer’s journey are applicable in other areas of life?
For instance, many car salespeople use the contrast principle to increase their personal wealth. The argumentation a lawyer uses to defend a client in court is laced with verbal intent.
Your goal as a seducer is to wield influence to affect the desires and inhibitions of the girls you meet.
However, any game student without a clear sense of his inhibitions will be vulnerable to the influence of others. Most people are influenced every day without being aware.
If you learn to cross-examine your inhibitions and personal desires, you can improve your instincts and become an uninhibited seducer who won’t be easily led astray.
Today we’re going to look at three types of uninhibited men. We’ll also consider some essential features of human nature to help you illuminate the mystery and darkness surrounding your deepest desires so you can find fulfillment in your seducer’s journey.
There are a lot of articles online about dating during COVID and video chat date ideas. In fact, I’ve even written some. Those are all good and well, but what inspired me to write this specific article was something that recently happened to a friend of mine.
She is single. She just started a new job and went to get a physical for it. And she thought the guy working at the desk was cute and would have liked to ask him out or give him her number. But, there were a lot of unknowns, more than usual.
Without COVID, she may have been rejected because he was taken or not interested. But, with COVID, he was wearing a mask. She thought he was cute from the bridge of the nose up, but maybe she wouldn’t be attracted to him without a mask. How would he know if he were interested without seeing her maskless?
On top of that, how do you ask someone out during COVID? Should you go for a socially distanced walk while wearing masks? Should you text a lot or have a video chat date?
[Read: Easy and fun ways to keep on dating with date night ideas during COVID]
Asking someone out and dating have always been difficult and awkward, but with COVID there is an entirely new level of unknowns.
Should you be dating during COVID?
In the first few weeks of the pandemic, I would have said just hold off. You can take a break, and probably a much-needed one from dating for now. It just wasn’t worth the risk and awkwardness.
But, once we passed the first two months of lockdown, not dating became isolating. You’re already missing out on your normal socializing with friends, coworkers, and strangers.
Dating, whether casually or not, is how we connect with people. With a pandemic, is that safe? Yes and no.
[Read: A guide to dating after COVID and navigate a new normal]
Our health and the health of those around us should be the number one priority. But, that isn’t just true for physical health. Our mental and emotional states have taken a major toll this year.
A break from dating is healthy, but stopping altogether for over a year and with no end in sight can be a big change. Human connection is just as much of a priority as shelter or food.
[Read: How to fight loneliness while self-isolating during a pandemic]
So, whether you just want to interact with new people or want to build a serious connection, dating during COVID can be safe. With that being said, I do not recommend going on dates to restaurants or anywhere that social distancing and mask-wearing aren’t possible. It isn’t smart, safe, or worth it.
But, as I mentioned earlier, there are plenty of ways to date during COVID without risking your health or your date’s.
How to ask someone on a date during COVID
This may be even more nerve-racking and awkward than going on a date. Putting yourself at risk of being rejected when asking someone out is scary enough. But doing so in the middle of a pandemic when you’re craving human connection more than normal is scarier.
And, if you aren’t online dating, which is probably your most convenient method right now, it can be super weird.
[Read: The 14 important dos and don’ts of online dating]
Like my friend, you may have seen someone at the grocery store or out on a hike that you thought was cute from what you could tell. Maybe in 2019, you would have approached them and asked them out, but how do you do it now?
Well, I have a couple of tips to make asking someone out in-person during COVID a little less awkward.
#1 Be honest. Because we should all be keeping our in-person interactions to a minimum, there is no need to beat around the bush. If you’re interested in the office manager at your doctor’s office, your delivery driver, or cashier, just say so.
Making small talk with a mask on isn’t the easiest. Not only are your words often muffled, but without reading each other’s faces things can get awkward. Instead of easing into it, just say something. [Read: How to ask someone out – 16 flirty moves for strangers or friends]
#2 Offer communication. Don’t go right into asking a stranger on a date in person. This is not only dangerous but could make someone very uncomfortable. Instead, offer them your Instagram handle or phone number. This way they can reach out if they want to, but aren’t stuck with rejecting you in the moment if not.
This also makes it easier to reach out. This way you can talk to see if you’d get along before potentially meeting up. [Read: How to ask someone out over text and get that satisfying yes]
#3 Make a joke. Being lighthearted when asking someone out is always the way to go in my book, especially if you’re looking to date during COVID. The pandemic has been piled up with so much seriousness *for good reason*, so some fun will help things feel smoother.
You can say something like, “I’m not sure if you’re missing all your teeth with your mask on, but I’d still like to give you my number if you’d like to text me sometime.”
#4 Discuss what you’re comfortable with. Before actually asking someone out, talk about what you both need to be safe and to feel safe. Will you start with fully virtual dates? Will you meet up outside, weather permitting with masks on or outside, socially distanced without masks? How?
Will you go hang out on their porch or their backyard? Do you know a private park or beach with unlimited space? Figure out all of this before making a plan. [Read: The best virtual dating ideas to really get to know each other]
#5 Get tested. If COVID testing is available in your area, it is best to get tested and quarantine if you really want to see each other in person. Discuss anyone else you and your date are interacting with. Are you working from home? Do you live with family or roommates?
It isn’t just about peace of mind. Is a date or sex really worth getting sick or getting someone else sick? Take the precautions. [Read: Quarantine approved activities to have fun while staying safe]
How to go about dating during COVID
Other than the asking someone out part, dating during COVID is a whole new ball game. Should you try online dating? Can you still ask friends to hook you up? I’ve even seen online speed dating.
More people than ever before have entered the world of online dating since COVID. It is the safest and most practical choice.
[Read: Should you try online dating? The guide decide if it is right for you]
Some apps even offer a filter you can add to your profile about what sort of dating you’re comfortable with: virtual, social distanced, or social distanced with masks.
Along with that, limiting your dating circle is probably the best move when dating during COVID. If you’re someone who dates around or dates casually, that’s all fine and well. But during COVID, especially if you’re meeting people, even with precautions, it is best to take it slow and steady.
If you plan to meet up, keep it to one person. Having a lunch date and then a dinner date with two different people. Even if they know you’re not exclusive, that isn’t the issue, it’s the exposure.
You also should be able to have uncomfortable conversations about mask-wearing and other precautions. Did they go to an outdoor wedding last weekend? You have to be willing to be honest here, even if you made a mistake and took a risk. You’d hope for the same from them.
But, having these chats is beneficial in more ways than one while dating during COVID. Not only is this information keeping you both safe, but it is forcing you to be honest and upfront. This can bring you closer. Working on awkward communication so early on can benefit you in the long run.
And if someone isn’t keeping up with CDC guidelines and isn’t wearing a mask or is going to large indoor gatherings, you may know they aren’t the person for you.
I know mask wearing has become politicized and discussing it can become a political or ethical debate, but that isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Dating during COVID can actually help you dodge red flags a little faster.
[Read: The first date red flags that speak a lot more than your date says]
I would also recommend, whether a friend gave your number to someone they know or you met online, video chat first. Before the pandemic, this was a turn-off for some people, but it is the safest option.
And there are a lot of benefits to it. You can see if you can carry on a conversation. You can see what they look like without filters or a mask. And you can really get to know each other in the next best way to in-person.
It may not be ideal in terms of dating, but in terms of dating during COVID, it kind of is.
Intimacy and dating during COVID
But, what about when it comes to intimacy? With dating, you can only go so long without holding hands, kissing, and sex. How do you handle those aspects of dating during COVID?
Well, just like the rest. If you plan to become intimate in any way, discuss it. That may not be as sexy as ripping each other’s clothes off at the spur of the moment, but dating during a pandemic is no rom-com.
[Read: Sex with a new partner and how to start your adventure with a bang]
Your best bet is to both quarantine for two weeks and get tested before being intimate in any way. You’ll need to be indoors and close together. The only remotely safe way to do that is with quarantining and testing.
From then, if you are planning to be in each other’s circles, that comes with its own set of guidelines. You’ll need to discuss your roommates’ or family members’ jobs, interactions, and where you go. Are you both living alone and working from home and only going out for groceries while wearing masks?
That would lower your risk, but if you live with your family or roommates, they also need to be comfortable with you having someone over.
[Read: Perfect Zoom etiquette for work and dating life and not have mishaps]
There are a lot of things to consider when dating during COVID. No one ever said the pandemic would be easy, but as long as you take all the proper precautions, you could come out of it with a great partner.
The post Dating During COVID: How to Have Fun & Feel Safe at the Same Time is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.
When you hear “pillow princess” you might be thinking that this girl is living a life of luxury. And you’re right. If you’re a pillow princess, it’s a cushy ride. However, it’s also likely that no one wants to have sex with you. So what, exactly, is a pillow princess?
If you think pillow princesses are mythical creatures, think again. You may have been standing behind a pillow princess at the grocery store or even ordering your mocha latte from a pillow princess.
If this is your first time hearing about pillow princesses, then you’ve been lucky. But just because you haven’t heard of the term doesn’t mean that you’ve never met one. I didn’t even know the term pillow princess existed until my best friend admitted to me that she was one.
[Read: How to get a selfish lover to be more giving]
What is a pillow princess?
The term “pillow princess” refers to ladies who lie there during sex and do nothing. Firstly, the term pillow princess, is usually directed towards women who are bisexual or lesbian who enjoy receiving oral sex but don’t want to reciprocate.
They’re women who love sex, but only on their terms and only if they don’t have to do anything. Get the gist? Let’s get it straight, though, we’re not here to simply attack women.
There are also men who simply enjoying having sex without making sure their partner is having an orgasm or even enjoying the sex. Regardless, both are characters everyone wants to avoid in their sex life.
[Read: Awkward signs you’re having bad sex with your lover]
Is a pillow princess a term that’s restricted to the LGBTQIA+ community?
Once upon a time, yes, it was specifically associated only with the lesbian or bisexual women. But these days, the word has evolved, and people aren’t surprised to hear a man proclaiming that a girl he dated was a pillow princess.
Today, the pillow princess is a term that’s just evolved to define a girl who doesn’t put in the effort to reciprocate in bed, especially when it comes to giving oral sex. [Read: The evolution of the word MILF and the surprising truths and thoughts behind it]
In the lesbian community, there’s been a longstanding assumption that a pillow princess doesn’t like going down on a girl because she’s still questioning her sexual orientation and status. She enjoys receiving oral, but doesn’t want to return the favour because she’s not “really gay”.
What sets a pillow princess apart in bed?
Let’s face it, when it comes to sex, most of us are either givers or takers. Some like it on top, some of us like to be on the bottom. And then, we have the pillow princesses who just like to lie down like a starfish in bed with their hands and legs sprawled across the bed, and lying almost motionless and kinda uninterested too.
A pillow princess is the real definition of a taker in a sexual relationship, they just lie back and hope to be pleased by the person they’re having sex with. Okay, to be fair to the pillow princess, maybe she’s just inexperienced *we’ll get to that in a bit* but usually it’s because she’s entitled. [Read: How to get rid of the sense of entitlement that’s ruining your life]
This sounds like some kind of princess bashing here, but usually, a girl is a pillow princess because she believes she’s just so awesome she doesn’t have to put in any work to please her sexual partner. After all, she thinks she’s so hot her mere presence is enough to make anyone weak in their knees and orgasm at the first sight of her nakedness!
But then again, some people just enjoy having sex only in certain ways and positions. And we also have men who enjoy receiving a blowjob but have absolutely no inclination to return the favour and go down on the girl. Pillow princesses are everywhere, in the form of men and women.
How to recognize the selfish pillow princess before you take her to bed
Now there are a few women who are pillow princesses because it’s their preferred way to enjoy sex. But if you’re looking for the selfish pillow princess, the one who feels entitled to receive pleasure in bed without giving it back, here are a few quick signs to help you recognize her.
#1 She seems almost uninterested. From the conversation to the flirty banter, she just seems a bit lazy. She’s talking to you, but not really putting in the effort, you know? [Read: Are you boring her? 20 clear signs she’s just not interested]
#2 She’s shy and prudish. Okay, not all shy and prudish girls end up as pillow princesses. But if she’s just unwilling to open up sexually, and expects you to take the lead all the way from the conversation to bed, there’s a good chance she’s one.
#3 She puts in very little effort. You’re in bed, and the first thing she does is lies back, and looks expectantly at you!
#4 She expects you to put in all the effort. Okay, it’s one thing to just lie back like a starfish. But does she get offended if you’re not mesmerizing her with your sexual moves? If a girl expects you to go all out to please her, but puts no effort in returning any favor, you’ve hit the pillow jackpot!
#5 Sex is boring. Well, what do you expect? Okay, maybe the first five minutes is hot and steamy because you’re “aroused by her mere presence”. But if all you see is her staring at the ceiling or enjoying herself while you put in all the work, it’s only a matter of time before you realize you’re not enjoying sex, but providing some kind of service instead. [Read: How to make someone go down on you without a push]
Why do pillow princesses exist?
Good question. No one wakes up in the morning and decides to become a pillow princess. Honestly, it’s not the trait that you want roaming around the neighborhood.
Personally, I love when a guy goes down on me. I could let me go down on me for days, and I usually leave him down there until he feels the need to come up for air.
Though at some point, when I see his face dripping wet, I feel that I should give back. It’s courteous and shows mutual respect. But let’s not jump to conclusions and assume that pillow princesses are these selfish beings that want to make sex slaves out of their partners. There are various reasons as to why someone is a pillow princess.
#1 Inexperience. If she doesn’t know how to do a specific sexual position, then she probably won’t try it. It’s not because she doesn’t want to, but simply because she doesn’t want to look like she doesn’t know what she’s doing.
Inexperience can lead a girl pulling a pillow princess act simply because she’s insecure. Thus, inexperience can really hinder someone’s sexual drive, causing them to freeze up and seem like a pillow princess, when in reality, she’d really like to try to spice things up. [Read: The virgin’s guide to acting like she has experience]
#2 Fear. In many instances, women are not encouraged to explore their sexuality alone or with a partner. However, exploring sexuality is a crucial part of developing your sexuality and understanding your own body and needs.
Pillow princesses may just be women who are scared to explore themselves sexually. If they’re bi-curious, this hesitation to reciprocate could be simply because they’ve never performed oral sex on another female before.
This just means that her partner will need to engage in effective communication and be patient. It may take some practice before she gets the hang of it, but, I mean, that doesn’t sound like a bad deal. If you’re a pillow princess reading this, there’s nothing to fear. We’re all on the same sexual ride as you, so get down there and start exploring. [Read: Female masturbation: 17 facts about the naughty secret]
#3 Previous partners. If a pillow princess was with a previous boyfriend or girlfriend who was sexually dominant, then they’ll be used to a specific sexual experience. For example, they may have dated someone who only had sex in specific positions, such as missionary. That means this pillow princess did a whole lot of nothing.
When you’ve had sex with one person for a long period of time, you get used to their sexual preference and vice versa – this is only natural. So, you can’t really blame them in this case. All you can do is teach them. [Read: Is missionary sex really boring? How to spice up this underrated move]
#4 Traumatic sexual experience. A guy once told me that he didn’t think I gave good blowjobs. When I think of it now, it’s not a big deal, as people like different styles and methods of oral sex.
However, at the time, I didn’t want to give him another blowjob, ever. For me, this was a hit to my ego and really traumatized me.
When someone’s been sexually traumatized, they usually pull back and refrain from performing that sexual act. If someone tells you that you’re bad at sex, you most likely will become insecure when having sex, even with other people. Dissociation can also occur. This is when the person essentially mentally checks out and thinks about something else to help them remove themselves from the situation.
This leaves the woman basically like a noodle on the bed. The only way to get through this is with effective communication. Instead of insulting her, simply show her or describe to her what you prefer she do. [Read: 14 tips to get your partner to open up about sex]
#5 Sheer laziness. This is the true form of the original pillow princess. Some people are just lazy and only want their partners to perform sex on them. I get it. It feels great and you don’t do any work. I see the appeal. However, at some point, your partner, after working up a solid sweat, would also like to receive some pleasure.
Pillow princesses, this is a direct message to you. Don’t be selfish. If, for example, you’re having sex with a man and he would like you to get on top, there are ways to alleviate the sheer exhaustion of riding him. Put pillows under your knees, use your arms for support, use your partner’s body for support.
If you’re a woman having sex with another woman, you’ll just have to go down on her. You can’t expect everyone to go down on your forever.
That’s a nice dream to have, but it’s time to give it up, girl.
[Read: 18 girl on top tips to make sex a lot sexier!]
Maybe you’ve never heard of a pillow princess before this feature, but now that you’ve read it, you know that you’ve either been with or been one yourself. Remember that everyone brings their own set of baggage to the table, so just be sure not to judge too quickly.
The post Pillow Princess: What Does It Really Mean to Be Labeled as One? is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.
There is probably no sex act more maligned, misunderstood, and feared than anal sex. Especially for a first time anal sex experience, it’s just something most people love fantasizing about but can’t bring themselves up to give it a try. Are you one of those people? Well, read on, because here’s a complete guide on how to have anal sex for the first time, and make sure it’s a great experience too!
The very first question that haunts us – Does anal sex hurt?
If you’re thinking right now, “Yeah, but I heard it hurts and it’s really uncomfortable,” then you obviously heard that from someone who had a traumatizing anal sex experience. In that case, yes, they’re completely correct.
But, in all probability, their partner tried to reenact the latest porno he watched where the couple just decided to have “spontaneous” anal sex. Come on now, you know that isn’t how it works. But even after all the preparation, you still may not like anal sex, and that’s completely fine. However, you shouldn’t knock it before you try it!
[Confession: What anal sex felt like – both mentally and physically]
Firstly, getting back to the question, does anal sex hurt, there are a lot of false assumptions about anal sex, and the worst one is that it’s supposed to hurt.
The very idea strikes fear into the hearts of countless women, and it’s assumed that the only reason to ever do it is because one’s boyfriend or husband really, really wants to.
This could not be further from the truth. When done right, anal sex can be incredibly stimulating to the woman *or man* who is receiving it. Of course, the assumptions don’t come out of thin air. Most people don’t understand the right way to do it, and when done wrong, it will be uncomfortable – or worse! [Read: How to make anal sex pain-free – The happy bum guide]
Anal sex and the pain we associate with it
Women who have tried it most likely did so when they were younger. They had a young boyfriend who had no idea what he was doing, and he just tried shoving it in like he would with vaginal sex. At best, he squirted a bit of lube. The woman, with the scalding memory of her first time anal sex experience in mind, would then swear she’d never try it again, and she’d tell her girlfriends how horrible it was. [Read: The biggest misconceptions about anal sex]
The taboo around having anal sex
Anal sex has always been a huge taboo, and often considered sinful. People assume any woman who would want it is some sort of freak, and others believe that any man wanting to engage in the act, even with a woman, must have some deep-seated homosexual tendencies.
This is all quite stupid really. Don’t let ignorant people stop you from enjoying anything. Just the taboo breaking itself can be a huge turn on for anyone. [Read: 14 ways to get your partner to open up and communicate about sex]
The real pleasure points that arouse men and women
The clitoris is an amazing thing. How amazing? Anal sex can actually stimulate it and bring many women to intense orgasms. You know those iceberg diagrams, where what you see above the water is only 10% of it? That’s kind of like the clitoris. What you see above the skin is a fraction of what’s there.
The G-spot in the roof of the vagina stimulates the clitoris from below. And from where we all know it to be, the clitoris splits like a wishbone and runs down along both sides of a woman’s vaginal lips. It makes it as far as the perineum, next to the anus. When done right, anal sex can stimulate the tips of these extensions by expanding the sphincter. And the penetration, even though not vaginal, can stimulate the G-spot. [Read: How to find and tingle her G-Spot without having to use a flashlight]
First time anal sex – The steps you need to follow when you have anal sex
Anal sex is not something for a random hookup. Don’t have anal sex on a whim, and not if you want to make sure both of you have a great time together. [Read: 13 untold sex secrets you definitely need to know!]
#1 The warm up. Couples should spend at least a month making love in more traditional ways before they even think about trying it.
And then, especially if it will be the woman’s first time having anal sex, they should approach it slowly. A couple that doesn’t trust one another should get over that before attempting anal sex. [Read: How to prepare for anal sex – The beginners’ guidebook]
#2 Start shallow. Before going for the whole shebang, especially if it’s the very first time you’re having anal sex, start in the shallow end with a bit of butt play. Once a woman is already wet, either after oral or vaginal sex, the man should put a lot of lube on one finger. Press the finger against her anus and rub very gently. After a few minutes of this, slowly push the finger in.
#3 Try to relax! The woman should relax her sphincter muscle and remember to breathe. This is very important, because anxiety or shallow breathing will only end up involuntarily tightening the sphincter and that’s definitely going to hurt.
#4 Reciprocate it. Take it extremely slowly, and do this a few times before you try the real thing. And gentlemen, it’s only fair, if she wants to try doing the same to you, let her. There’s a good chance you’ll like it, and that doesn’t make you gay! Bonus here, it’ll also help you understand the sensations so you can work your way your partner’s bum keeping her pleasure and pain tolerance in mind. [Read: What is pegging? All the hidden backdoor facts to get a guy started]
#5 Nice rims. A rim job, or rimming, is where one person uses their tongue and mouth to massage another person’s anus. A lot of people actually enjoy giving rim jobs, and it’s incredible for the one receiving.
After a shower where you wash yourselves thoroughly, try rimming her. You’ll need to work together to get over any discomfort you have with things like this. It will be worth the effort. [Read: The rimming guide to master eating ass and do it like a pro]
#6 Massage and relax. Rimming, or any gentle massaging of the anus with lubrication will help relax the sphincter muscles. This will feel amazing for her, and is a great way to prepare for anal sex.
Try massaging her anus while stimulating her clitoris, or fingering her to drive her wild. To be safe and prevent any infections in her vagina, don’t give her oral sex after rimming, or finger her after touching her anus.
#7 Final preparations. Once you’ve experimented with some butt play and become more comfortable with the idea, you’re ready to take the final step.
A note on protection first: Unless you are in an exclusive relationship and are both disease-free, condoms should always be worn. The risk of HIV transmission skyrockets with unprotected anal sex. Other diseases can be transmitted this way as well. [Read: The risks and dangers of anal sex and what you need to be prepared for]
#8 Your first anal sex experience. Begin your first anal sex session with a hot shower or bath to relax. A glass of wine or two will also help loosen you both up in both a mental and physical sense. Begin with foreplay as you would any other sexual encounter. Stimulate her vagina, and if you can, bring her to orgasm once through oral or vaginal sex.
Start with rimming, or if you haven’t enjoyed that, some finger play. Gently massage her for at least five minutes before even putting any pressure inward. Add more lube to her anus, and a lot more all around one finger, and then gently slide the finger in. Slowly finger her for a few minutes to ensure she’s well lubricated.
#9 The grand entrance. It’s time for the man to lubricate his penis, or the condom covering it. Only water-based lubricants should ever be used with condoms for any type of sex. Don’t be afraid to use a lot, and put another dollop on her anus. You can use whatever position you’re comfortable with. Woman on top, missionary, and doggy-style *regular or sideways* will all work. [Read: 12 anal sex positions that make backdoor sex feel so darn good]
#10 Sliding it in. Gently. Very gently, push the tip of the penis against the anus. The woman must relax her sphincter muscles and continue to breathe. It should slide in fairly easily, but go extremely slowly. Go in about two inches and then stop and wait. Don’t do anything for two minutes, no just the tip to and fro, or frenzied humping.
Let her get used to the feeling of having anal sex for the first time. Communicate, touch each other, and kiss if you’re in a position that allows it. It may help for the man to stay completely still and have the woman do the moving at first. [Read: 22 reasons why women fake an orgasm so often]
#11 Move in and out. Now slowly pull out just a fraction of an inch, and push back in. Repeat this, but with each successive pump, pull out a little more, and push in a little deeper. Do this slowly for a few more minutes, and before you know it you’ll be having amazing, hot, dirty, kinky, mind-blowing anal sex.
#12 Focus on everywhere else too. Once you’ve got it going, and know how to have anal sex gently, kiss, suck on a breast, and rub her clitoris with your finger, or better yet with a vibrator. Don’t start pumping away furiously like they do in bad porn, keep a moderate pace. Finally, don’t forget to enjoy yourselves. [Read: How to experience anal sex orgasms with the right moves]
See? Your first anal sex experience wasn’t so bad!
Okay, we’ll get to more details on how to have anal sex now. But remember this, not every woman will like having anal sex, just like not every woman enjoys any given sex act. If you do it right though, it will not hurt. Don’t confuse discomfort for pain, the first time you have anal sex will probably feel pretty strange. But as long as you follow these instructions, it should not hurt. Obviously, if anyone does feel any pain, you should stop immediately.
Follow these steps on how to have anal sex right, and the chances are that you’ll both enjoy it. Try a few more times later, you’ll find that as you both become more comfortable and confident with it, it will only get better and better. If you don’t like it, hey, at least you tried. We could all use a little more kink in our lives.
[Read: The top 50 kinky ideas you need to try at least once for a really sex relationship]
Now that you know exactly how to have anal sex, be it for the first time or the tenth, there are some things you should always remember. And that’s preparation.
Anal sex can be extremely pleasurable, nonetheless, as there are thousands of nerve endings around the opening of your anus. So as much as it can give you pleasure, it can also cause pain if you rush into it, or get too vigorous.
How to have a good first experience with anal sex
We all want our first time to be a memorable experience, so here are the must-do steps on having anal sex for the first time.
#1 Work your way up in size. If this is your first time having anal sex, you have to understand that your rectum is a small and tight hole. Having a full-sized penis squeezed into your anus will likely place you in the same emotional sphere as a dog who’s getting his anal glands cleaned for the first time – there will be shock, there will be horror.
Before having anal sex, get comfortable with your anus. When masturbating or having vaginal sex, try putting a finger in your rectum to relax it and start to get a sense of what it feels like. Once you do that, you can try using a thin sex toy to slowly work your way up in size. [Read: Female masturbation: 17 facts about the naughty secret]
#2 Clean yourself beforehand. Many people wonder how to have anal sex, but are nervous to actually have anal sex because they think it’s some sort of dirty act. That’s actually not the case, though. Your anus is responsible for removing toxins and cleansing your body. Basically, that ass is pretty squeaky clean. But you can wash before having anal sex if it makes you and your partner more comfortable.
#3 Lay off the spice. If you’ve made a plan to have anal sex, I recommend not eating a bowl of spicy curry or hitting up your favorite Mexican restaurant right beforehand. Foods with a lot of spice will give you loose stool. This may be a small detail, but trust me, follow it. Your ass will thank you.
#4 Relax your muscles. To have an enjoyable anal sex experience, you can’t have a tense rectum. You’ll need those anal sphincter muscles to be nice and calm. That way, you’ll be able to take the object in much more smoothly.
To relax your muscles, you can have your partner perform rimming on you. Rimming is where your partner licks and sucks around your anus, which does a great job at relaxing those muscles. If that doesn’t sound like your cup of tea, another way to achieve the same thing is with butt plugs. [Read: Do women actually like anal sex? The truth guys wanna know]
#5 Communicate. Don’t be shy about telling your partner to slow down or to stop. Your partner doesn’t know if he’s pushing too hard or if you’re feeling that you need it to slow down. You need to voice this. So if their fingers, penis ,or sex toy isn’t doing it for you, say it loud and clear. [Read: Why guys really enjoy having anal sex and how to know if you should give it a try]
#6 Wear a rubber. Don’t think that you can be rubber-free by having anal sex. You can still contract an STI through this act. In addition, if he doesn’t cum in your ass, you’ll also have a chance to become pregnant.
Everyone knows not wearing a condom feels better, but you know what also feels better? Not having to call your partner and tell them that you’re infected with an STI, or even better, not having to support a child for the rest of your life before you’re ready. And if your partner is telling you not to worry, well, then they can find another ass to stick their dick in. [Read: Condom types and how they can improve your sex life]
#7 Lube, lube, lube. We need to say this one more time: lube. Lube it up. Lube it the hell up. Unlike your vagina, your anus does not self-lubricate. Usually, people who complain about the discomfort of having anal sex were not properly lubricated. And this makes total sense.
It’s like forcing a hotdog into a dry bun – you need mustard and ketchup, people. So, don’t be shy with the lube. Make sure that penis is dripping wet before putting it inside you. [Read: How to use lubricants to liven up your sex life instantly]
#8 Get the position right. If this is your first time having anal sex, there are specific positions that will help to ease you into the sensation. There are two positions that seem to be a favorite for anal sex. You can start by lying on your side and having your partner spoon you. This gives you a little more control over the situation.
Or, you can do doggy style. This seems to be the best position for an easy insertion. However, because your partner can’t see your face, they won’t be able to see your reaction, meaning that you’ll need to remember to communicate. [Read: 9 ways to make doggy style your favorite position]
#9 Anal sex shouldn’t hurt. Contrary to popular belief, having a penis inside your rectum isn’t supposed to cause you pain. If it’s hurting, then you’re not doing it right. Remember to use a lot of lube while having anal sex, which should prevent any pain from occurring. If you’re still feeling pain and your partner is heavily lubricated, then try changing the position. It could be the angle that isn’t working for you. Either way, it can be an easy fix. [Read: Is anal sex hurting you? You’re probably making 1 of these 12 mistakes]
#10 Keep hygiene in mind. After having anal sex, your partner’s penis, fingers, or toys cannot go into your vagina. When you’re caught up in the moment, it’s easy to overlook these things.
But seriously, you have to keep this in your mind during sex. The anus has bacteria that can cause vaginal infections, so before having vaginal intercourse, make sure that your partner washes his penis, fingers, or toys with warm water and soap.
#11 Use sex toys. When it comes to learning how to have anal sex, remember that the act isn’t strictly for the penis only. In fact, you can have a great anal sex experience using fingers and sex toys. Have fun with it!
Try anal sex with sex toys such as butt plugs, anal beads, and vibrators. They can stimulate areas of the rectum that the penis simply cannot. Oh, but don’t forget, even with sex toys, you’ll need to lubricate them. And don’t forget to wash them before using them in your vagina. [Read: 15 most common types of sex toys all singles and couples MUST know about]
#12 Do it with someone you trust. Okay, you may be a fan of one-night-stands, but if this is your first time having anal sex, then you shouldn’t be doing this with some random guy who you think is named Todd or… maybe it was Tim.
Have your first time anal sex experience with someone you trust. That way, you won’t be uncomfortable communicating with him, and you won’t be blushing when you see your shit on his dick. Hey, it happens. [Read: Dating a girl who likes anal? 15 secret moves to impress girls who prefer the backdoor]
#13 Don’t do it unless you want to. Listen, if you’re still debating whether or not you want to try out anal sex, then maybe you should take it easy and not rush into it.
You have plenty of time to try it out, and you should never engage in a sexual act because you feel that you have to do it. If you really don’t feel comfortable with the idea of it, then tell your partner. If they aren’t understanding of that, then perhaps you should reconsider being with them as well.
[Read: The surprising but factually true benefits of having anal sex]
Now that you know how to have anal sex, let’s get this straight. It might not be for everyone, but if you’ve always wanted to try it, there’s no time like the present, right? Just remember to enjoy your first time anal sex experience with somebody you trust, and don’t feel the need to rush into everything all at once. Who knows, it may be your new favorite move.
The post First Time Anal Sex: The Curious Bum Lover’s Guide to Have Anal Sex is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.
We all have one person… or two… that we want to erase from our memory. If you’re staying up all night thinking about that one person and wondering how to forget someone for good and pretend they never existed, don’t worry, you’ll soon be able to sleep soundly.
It may seem like you’re the only one who’s spending days, months, even years thinking about how to forget someone who broke your heart – but you’re definitely not alone. I could write a book on it. It took me a year to get over my best friend who I was in love with. Needless to say, the asshole didn’t love me back. He’s not an asshole, I mean, I can’t force him to love me. I’m just joking – he’s an asshole.
In the beginning, I did it all wrong – sitting at home watching 90’s chick flicks with a tub of ice cream. Not only did I become depressed, it made me chunky. Do I still sound bitter? Let’s not dwell on this, it isn’t about me, it’s about you.
Through this heart-wrenching experience of mine, I gathered some wisdom on how to forget someone you love. So, pay attention, because though it will take some time, you’ll get through this phase with your head high. [Read: How to let go of someone you love by hating them first]
How to forget someone and move on for good
Learning how to forget someone isn’t easy, especially when you can’t help but think of them every single moment. It doesn’t matter whether you’re with friends, watching a movie, or staring at a blank wall. They’re always on your mind! But here are some helpful tips to cleanse your mind and forget someone. [Read: 13 essentials that’ll help you move on from someone really fast]
#1 Accept what happened. Don’t be one of those people that cannot accept the fact that what you wanted didn’t work out. What I’m trying to say is, don’t be like me. You’ll be able to get over someone much easier if you just accept what happened.
It’s true, things could change but in the meantime accept the facts of the situation, that way you won’t be hopeful for some classic chick flick outcome where the person who broke your heart shows up at your door with a wedding ring and begs for you to get back together. It’s not going to happen.
#2 Let it go. You should listen to the Disney song, Let It Go. I know the 2013 movie is from almost a decade ago, but these Disney songs can sometimes be very real. Let it go. It’s the only way that you’ll be able to free your mind and heart.
If you accept what happened, then the next step is to understand that, and then make a promise to yourself that you must move forward. [Read: Is it truly time to let go? 14 reasons why good relationships end badly]
#3 Go out. Don’t do what I did and eat ice cream on my couch – I actually enjoyed it, however, after cleaning out two tubs, it was time to reevaluate my life. Get your shoes on, and go for a walk. Go to the market. Go to the cafe. See your friends. Yes, your heart is broken but you’re still breathing – don’t allow someone to take your time away from you.
#4 Don’t dwell on the past. Don’t you even dare, “what if…” me. No. Stop it. Don’t look back. If you did this or you did that, it wouldn’t have changed anything. Thinking, “what if I tried harder?” will do nothing but aggravate your mind. Sure, you could have done this or that, you could have done hundreds of different things, but you didn’t.
And in all honesty, even if you did, would that have changed anything? You’ll never know. So, if you truly want to know how to forget someone who has a strong hold over your heart, let that go. It happened. It’s over. Now, move forward. [Read: How to stop being angry, free your mind and stop hurting]
#5 Work on yourself. If you’re feeling down and out, there’s no point sulking. To forget someone, the best thing is to focus on yourself. This is a great chance to look within and develop yourself. Join a pottery class, take up a sport – do something that makes you feel good about yourself.
It’s really easy to sit on the couch, it’s great until your muscles start to melt. If you’re not motivated to work on yourself, let’s think of it in a different way. What if you run into that person in a couple of months. The best revenge is looking better now than when you were with them. [Read: Play it cool – 14 things to keep in mind when you bump into your ex]
#6 Avoid things that remind you of that person. Just stay away from them. I know, you want to stalk them and see if they’re suffering just like you, but it’s not a good idea if your goal is to forget about someone. You need to cleanse yourself of this person – body, mind, and soul.
If you guys have the same friends, perhaps taking some time away from them as well will help you get over them. Basically, anything that reminds you of them, you need to avoid. Forgetting someone you care for will take strength, but you can do it. At least until your eyes don’t look so red and puffy.
#7 Change your lifestyle. If your life has been evolving around this person, the best way to know how to forget someone is to change your lifestyle. This can be done by working on yourself, however, you can also try for a new job or change cities.
Making these type of changes will focus your attention on something else that is bigger than a relationship that’s crumbled to dust. This won’t guarantee that you will completely forget about him or her, but it will help you and force you to do new things without that person. [Read: 12 easy steps for a dramatic lifestyle change and a new life makeover]
#8 Meet new people. You’ll have to do this. Having the same friends as the person you’re trying to forget is brutal. When I tried to move on, our friends would keep bringing his name up in conversation or asking me how I’m doing. Though your friends are trying to be supportive, you don’t need the constant reminder.
Having friends who doesn’t know the person can be a blessing since they won’t bombard you with questions or nervously tell you that that person is now dating someone new. Dick. [Read: 16 unique and exciting ways to meet new people and form a new crowd in no time]
#9 Don’t talk to the person. Don’t do it, please, don’t do it. This ain’t nothing but trouble. Don’t text them, don’t call them, don’t snapchat them, don’t Instagram “heart” them, don’t facebook message them, don’t Whatsapp them, don’t pigeon mail them. Literally do not contact them. How can you forget someone if you keep on talking to them? Exactly! [Read: 12 reasons why the no contact rule always, always works]
#10 Don’t try to remove this person from your mind. If you’re trying to stop thinking about this person, it won’t work. It’ll actually make you think about them so much more. So, if you want to understand how to forget someone, don’t sit on the couch thinking to yourself, “I need to get over him/her”. You’ll just get yourself thinking about how you don’t want to get over them. The mind is a crazy thing, eh?
#11 Block and delete them. Delete them from everything – facebook, instagram, snapchat. You will cyberstalk the hell out of them – trust me. The only way to avoid this is to completely remove them from your life. It’ll be hard to do it, but after a month or two, you’ll stop going to their facebook page – you probably don’t believe me yet, but you will. [Read: Letting go of someone you love – 15 steps to make it really easy]
#12 Write your feelings down. You need to express your feelings – this is the only way to process what happened and to help gain clarity and internal peace. I wrote four screenplays. Yes. Four. I know. Excessive. But I had a lot of emotions to process and most likely, you do too.
So, grab a journal, a pen and start writing. Even if your first sentence is, “I don’t know what to write”, write that down. Sooner or later, you’ll start gaining momentum and those feelings will start pouring out on the page. [Read: 10 stages of heartbreak and how to get through every one of them]
#13 Set goals. Get yourself orientated with goals. Start with small goals. For example, I made a goal that I would go for a thirty-minute walk every day. Your goal doesn’t have to be grand or super significant. It can be simple, just as long as it helps you get through this phase to learning how to forget someone and distract yourself enough to actually get over them completely.
Remember, this is a phase. You will get through this. So, set up some goals. Every day you will write in your journal for ten minutes or listen to music before you go to bed. [Read: How to focus on yourself – 27 powerful ways to create your own sunshine]
#14 Travel. Get out and see the world. There’s no point moping around your house, waiting for them to change. Get a train ticket, plane ticket or bus ticket – it doesn’t matter how you travel just as long as you take the time to see the world you live in. Trust me, once you see what the world holds, you’ll be wondering why you’re wasting your time on that person. [Read: How to get over a broken heart – Seriously, the only guide you’ll ever need]
#15 Give it time. Yeah, I know it’s cliche but time really does heal all things. It may take days, months, or years, but life goes on and eventually that person will slowly and unconsciously leave your mind. When I see the guy who broke my heart, I actually look at him now only wanting to shave his disgusting beard. See, time really is the best remedy to forget someone.
[Read: 10 signs you’re still lovesick and 10 ways to get out of it ASAP]
It’s never easy to forget someone you once cared for deeply, especially when they gave you so much to remember. But with some effort and these rules, one day not far from today, you’ll look back and see just how easy it really was.
The post 15 Very Effective Rules to Forget Someone You Once Cared For is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.