How to Make Your Ex Jealous & Leave Them Begging for Forgiveness

Jealousy is powerful. When it comes to love, it’s normal to want to know how to make your ex jealous. You want them to feel something! Here’s how. 

However your relationship ended, wanting to make your ex jealous is pretty normal. Love stirs up strange emotions sometimes and when things don’t go as smoothly as you’d planned, it’s normal to want to leave them with a reminder of how great you are. If you want to learn how to make your ex jealous, the good news is that it’s pretty easy to figure it out.

Whether you call it the green-eyed monster or something else entirely, jealousy is powerful.

It can lead you to take action when you don’t really want to, and it can cause you to look back and think “why did I do that?”

Of course, you might want your ex back and in that case, making them jealous could be the ideal way to make them realize what a catch you were.

If not, perhaps you just want to leave them with a reminder of how much you rock. Either way, jealousy is a good way to achieve both.

[Read: Jealousy vs envy: How to tell them apart when they feel the same]

What is jealousy and why does it work?

Jealousy is a strong emotion. It’s different to envy, although it can often look the same. When you’re learning how to make your ex jealous, you’ll want to make them to have a strong emotion to seeing you with someone else, or to looking fantastic.

Basically, they wish that they were still with you, even if they don’t want to admit it.

Everyone wants what they can’t have. People also have a tendency to realize what they had when it’s no longer theirs. So if your ex sees that someone else has snagged you or that you’re really amazing and it’s only their loss, they’ll be seeing you in a whole new light.

When they can’t have you anymore, they start to see the best qualities in you. They’ll start to miss those things. Making them realize that someone else now gets to bask in all of those good things will make them want you back.

Of course, it’s up to you whether you want them back too; perhaps you just want to give them a kick up the backside and make them see what they missed out on. [Read: Does my ex miss me? 23 signs your ex clearly isn’t over you yet]

How to make your ex jealous and beg for you to come back

If you really want to get back at your ex or just get them back in general, jealousy will be your friend. Making them jealous will be sure to give you their attention. However, there are very specific things you have to do in order to make them want you back.

Here’s what you need to know about how to make your ex jealous. Don’t just walk in and start making out with someone right in front of them. That will likely have a very negative effect.

Instead, you need to be subtle. Try these things.

1. Let them see you having fun

Something that can really make anyone jealous is when someone else is having more fun than they are. When your ex sees that you’re not hurt or upset by them leaving, it’ll shock them.

They’ll start becoming jealous that they’re not in your happy life. When they see you having a lot of fun, they’ll wish they were still there to be having just as much fun with you. [Read: How to have fun with friends and make your ex envy you]

2. Be with someone else

This is really your standard, go-to for knowing how to make your ex jealous. You get someone new. Find someone better looking than them and show them off. Bring them around your ex and watch them squirm.

They’ll get so annoyed you moved on so quickly and will be really jealous it’s with someone seemingly better than them.

The only thing you have to be careful with is not to do too much with this new person in front of them. Of course, that doesn’t mean you should USE another person to make your ex jealous. If you want to do this, make sure this new person is clued up and on board with the plan – there’s never an excuse for hurting other people. [Read: How to know when a guy is jealous – 25 hints he just can’t hide]

3. Ignore them

If you really want to drive your ex crazy, ignore them completely.

We’re not talking about ignoring them if they’re right in your face. However, if they text or call or reach out at all, ignore them at first. Make sure they’re good and jealous before you reply again.

They’ll wonder what has got you so busy that you aren’t replying immediately and they’ll be green with jealousy! [Read: 12 ways to ignore someone easily]

4. Be kind toward them and their friends

This will really make them crazy. When they left you, they expected you to be heartbroken.

So if you walk back into their life with smiles, warmth, and kindness, it’ll make them see what they missed out on. They’ll see that you’re doing better without them and that will drive them around the bend!

5. Give other people compliments in front of them

Especially someone you know would make them jealous. Basically, go for their friends with the compliments. Not only will they already be jealous of you not talking to them, but it’ll drive them crazy that you’re complimenting someone so close to them. It’s one of the best ways to learn how to make your ex jealous! [Read: 25 compliments a guy will never forget]

6. Ignore everything they post or send you

Basically, don’t engage with them on any social media platform. Chances are, they may be posting pictures with new people or having fun, too. That’s just what people do when they get out of a relationship.

You can’t let that get to you. Hold firm and just ignore the stuff they post.

Better yet, just unfollow them everywhere. That way, you’re not even tempted.

Remember, they’re probably trying to get you jealous at the same time, so if you ignore them, they’ll be crazy that their plan isn’t working. [Read: Social media & relationships: The good, the bad & the ugly]

7. Post on your social media stories often

This is a great way to stir jealousy and make them see what they’re missing. If you’re out having fun or just going to get ice cream by yourself, snap a picture of it and get it live on your story. This can be Snapchat, Instagram, Facebook, whatever.

This is a fantastic way to show them just what they gave up. Remember – only post the good stuff. It’ll make them extra jealous they’re not included in all the good times and they’ll see that you’re doing just fine on your own.

8. Make sure that you’re not jealous yourself

This is a big deal. If you’re acting like a jealous fool, they won’t be jealous themselves. In fact, they’ll just be happier that they’re no longer with you. Remember, you’re trying to learn how to make your ex jealous, not become accidentally jealous yourself in the process.

Even if you do see them out with someone new, keep your cool. If they realize that you can be so tolerant and even kind when something like that happens, it’ll make them jealous they never saw that positive quality before. [Read: Why am I so jealous? How to find the hidden reasons and fix it]

9. Send them the occasional seductive glance

This has to be very subtle. So subtle that they won’t know for sure if that’s even what you’re doing. Make them think about you in an intimate way again.

All it takes to do this is for you to catch their eye for a split second – just long enough for it to register on their face. Then, as you look away, smirk like you have a secret.

It’ll drive them crazy with jealousy. The secret here is to do it in a way that you can deny if you were called up on it, that way, you’ve succeeded! [Read: How to seduce someone: 15 seduction tips to make them yearn for you]

10. Think about their biggest insecurity and prod it a little

Not in a bad way, just in a way that you know will get to them. If they were insecure about their sense of humor, talk about how funny someone else is – and make sure they hear you. This will hit them deep and make them crazy jealous that you think someone else is funnier than them.

It can be anything but don’t be too personal and you’re not trying to hurt them here, you’re just trying to make them green with jealousy. There is a difference!

11. Look incredible

This is pretty self-explanatory, but it must be said. If you want someone to be jealous, you need to give them a reason to be. When you look better than you did when you were together, they’ll definitely take notice.

So pamper yourself. Spend the time to find a great outfit and look your best. Just make sure it doesn’t look like you’re trying too hard.

Keep it casual and make sure that you’re smiling more than ever before. They’ll wonder why you’re so happy now and why you weren’t smiling that way with them. [Read: How to look sexy, feel sexy and be sexy without even trying too hard]

12. Do all the things you talked about doing together, but do them with someone else

If you really want to drive the point home, make sure they know about it and can see it.

Get a dog and name it whatever you two were going to name your dog together *only if you honestly do want a pet!*. Go on a vacation to the places you always talked about visiting as a couple.

Make them regret giving you up and show them that the split isn’t going to stop you living your best life. [Read: How to make a guy jealous: 30 wicked ways to win his attention]

13. Head off on a trip with friends, and document it on social media

We’ve talked about social media, but this one takes it a step further. Head off on a weekend away with your friends and make sure it’s as wild on social media as it can be. It doesn’t have to be in reality, it just needs to look that way!

Make suggestive jokes, have people say things in the background that make your ex think you’ve been having a lot of fun. It’s a great way to learn how to make your ex jealous because they’ll see that you’re moving on just fine.

14. Show that you’re making new friends

When someone makes new friends, that means they’re widening their social circle. That also means they could meet a new love interest through those people.

Showing your ex that you’re making new friends *via social media, of course* will get them jittery and wondering what you’re getting up to. [Read: How to make new friends as an adult: 15 ways to do it right]

15. Casually text and ask if you saw them in a bar

This one is very crafty! Text them and say “hey, was it you that I saw in *name* bar last night?” Of course, you didn’t see them, you’re just playing a game but the point is that you’re telling them you were out in a bar. You’re out having fun, you’re meeting new people who knows what you could have got up to!

16. Show that you’re busy during the evenings

Avoid showing online during the evenings or posting online. Make sure that you only do it in the day or in the morning with catch ups from the night before. Also, don’t reply or look at messages from your ex at night.

The reason? You’re busy during evening hours and they’ll wonder why. It’s a great way to learn how to make your ex jealous! [Read: How to make more friends as an introvert who never leaves home]

17. Hang out with the person they were always jealous of

If your ex was always jealous of a particular person in your life, e.g. someone who is just a friend but they always thought there as more to it, show that you’re hanging out with them more often. That will get their nerves on edge and they’ll wonder whether they were right all along. Hello, green eyed monster!

18. Send an “accidental” text

This one is risky and can appear manipulative, but if you really want to make your ex jealous, it’s probably going to work.

Send a text that is clearly meant for someone else, perhaps confirming a date or a flirty chat. Wait a few minutes and send a “mortified” text to your ex saying that you’re sorry, that wasn’t meant for them. Of course, it was, but they don’t know that. [Read: The accidental text on purpose – When to use it and when you MUST avoid it]

A word of warning – Question your motivation

The above tips will definitely help you to learn how to make your ex jealous, BUT make sure you question why you’re doing this.

Some of the suggestions are a little dodgy and manipulative on the ethics scale. Do you really want to send a text that isn’t supposed to be for them *even though it is*, are you really that bothered? Do you really need to make them so jealous, at the expense of investing so much time and effort into it? [Read: How to recognize the signs of jealousy in someone & guide them out]

Ask yourself whether the reason you split up in the first place can be overcome. If it can’t, why are you trying to get back with them, if indeed you are.

The reason you’re not together hasn’t gone way. If you can overcome the problems in the relationship, then that’s a different thing altogether. But surely, having an actual honest conversation would be better than playing jealousy games?

Remember, jealousy has a habit of backfiring because it’s such a strong emotion. If you simply want to make your ex see what they’re missing and you have no intention of getting back with them, that’s fine. However, again, aren’t there better things you can do with your own time?

 [Read: Are you jealous of your ex and using it as an excuse to make them jealous?]

Knowing how to make your ex jealous can put you in a powerful position. If you want them back, this might just be the best way to do it, as long as it’s done in moderation. But always remember, this isn’t the healthiest way to get revenge, or get back together.

The post How to Make Your Ex Jealous & Leave Them Begging for Forgiveness is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

30 Touching Ways to Make Someone Feel Better & Help a Sad Friend

When someone close to you is going through a hard time, it’s easy to feel helpless. Learn how to make someone feel better and perk them up instantly!

When someone you care about feels down or sad, the first thing you want to do is take their sadness away. Of course, you probably can’t just wipe away their worries like nothing happened, but you can learn how to make someone feel better. By doing that, you can at least make them feel a little better in that very moment. You can even learn how to make someone feel better over text.

It’s true that it’s a helpless feeling when someone seems down. It’s even worse when they won’t tell you what is wrong with them.

You can tell by their body language that something isn’t quite right, but all they say is, “I’m fine.” Of course, you know they’re not fine at all and it’s super-frustrating!

In truth, you don’t always need to know exactly what is wrong with someone to perk them up a little. These thoughtful methods will put a smile on their face, even if they’re having a rough time. Let’s also talk about whether it’s suitable to learn how to make someone feel better over text, or whether it’s truly a face-to-face deal. [Read: How to make someone happy & help them get back their happy spark]

But before we get to a list of ways to cheer someone up and learn to make someone feel better, let’s just spend a moment to understand what’s happening inside their mind when they’re sad so you can genuinely help them.

Why do we feel sad?

You may want to help your friend feel better, and that’s a great start. All of us feel sad now and then, so that would make it easy for you to empathize with someone who’s feeling that way.

After all, sadness is a feeling we are all too familiar with. That empty, hopeless feeling can creep up on us for any number of reasons: a break-up, the loss of a job, or even just a bad day. But why do we feel sad? And more importantly, how can we make it go away? [Read: Feeling unloved? 21 ways we feel less loved and how to feel love again]

Within the brain, sadness is caused by a decrease in the neurotransmitter serotonin. This chemical is responsible for regulating our mood, and when levels are low, we feel down.

Other causes of sadness could also include low levels of vitamin D and omega-3 fatty acids. These nutrients are essential for maintaining mental health, and when levels are low, it can lead to feelings of sadness and anxiety.

One of the best ways to help someone feel better is to get outside and soak up some sun with them. Vitamin D helps to regulate serotonin levels, and getting some natural sunlight may be the last thing on their mind, but if you can coax them out, it’ll slowly help them feel better.

Also, exercise is a really good way to improve someone’s mood. It releases endorphins, which have mood-boosting effects. But, of course, that would be the last thing your friend would feel like doing right now! *try convincing them though!*

And finally, eating a healthy diet rich in Omega-3 fatty acids can help to improve your mood and fight off sadness, so try and get your friend to eat something healthy as you two hang out together.

If someone is feeling down, try getting them outside, exercise with them, or get them to eat healthy meals. And remember, sadness is usually only temporary, and there are plenty of things you can do to help someone feel better. [Read: How to stop feeling sorry for yourself and end the pity party for good]

But here’s the most important thing to remember – Don’t be afraid to reach out for support or seek professional help for your friend, if that’s something they’re willing to consider. With the right tools and strategies, you can help someone overcome their sadness and help them move forward in a more positive direction.

But as all of these guaranteed ways to help someone feel better end up taking a few days to take effect, here are a few other ways to make someone feel better, and give their brain a few hits of happy dopamine, serotonin, and endorphins to help them in their journey.

How to make someone feel better and find their balance again

If you want to make someone feel better and help them out of an emotional rut, take it slow, and don’t try to shake them up *at the risk of them shutting you out*. Instead, use these steps and ways, and help them in a way they’d want to be helped.

1. Talk to them

Of course, the most obvious and important thing to do to help someone who feels sad is to talk to them.

Sit them down and tell them you are here to listen to them and help them talk through whatever is upsetting them. Sometimes just being a good listener is all you really need to do. [Read: 10 ways to be a better listener]

2. Buy them a thoughtful gift

Buying a thoughtful present for someone when they feel down in the dumps is a cute way to let them know you are thinking of them.

It could be something fun and silly or something they always wanted, but getting a gift when they are sad works wonders at making them feel better!

3. Take them on a friend date

Really spoil them by taking them out for a night on the town, to a spa for some pampering, or just out for dinner.

Going on an evening out helps distract them from whatever is troubling them and really gets their mind off things. It reminds them they can still have fun too!

4. Send them a cute text

Reaching out to them via text is a quick and easy way to check if they are okay and cheer them up.

Just knowing people are thinking of them and that they care about them helps someone going through a tough time. [Read: Life’s a bitch? 17 feel-good ways to make yourself feel better]

5. Send them flowers

If you’re wondering how to make someone feel better even if you aren’t around them, flowers are pretty much guaranteed to cheer anyone up.

Subtly find out what their favorites are and send them a bunch. The pretty blooms bring a cheer to any room and keep them feeling positive no matter what has happened.

6. Get drunk with them

Okay, this might be an adults-only one. If you want to make someone feel better, sometimes going out for a good night out and a few drinks is the perfect way to really talk it out and take their mind off their worries! [Read: How to sober up fast: 12 quick ways to go from sloshed to alert]

7. Be okay with silence

It’s important to remember that sometimes people don’t want to talk. They just need someone to sit with them in silence.

If what they are going through is really hard then there might simply be no words to comfort them. In which case, being with them demonstrates you are there, without forcing them to talk when they don’t want to.

8. Go for a walk

Getting out into the fresh air and getting some exercise really helps put things in perspective. Walking somewhere beautiful instantly the spirits.

It’s a good way to talk and the exercise releases endorphins which naturally makes them feel better too! [Read: Best friend bucket list: 15 adventures for you and your BFF]

9. Show them you support them

Sometimes your friends and family just need you to support them. Maybe they feel sad because they feel like a failure, or they don’t know what they are doing with their life. This is where you come in to be their biggest fan. Show them just how much you support them in everything they do!

10. Write them a letter

If you aren’t great with deep and meaningful conversations face to face, then why not write them a letter? Truly show them how much you care and let your feelings be known.

11. Have a sleepover

Why not have some good, old fashioned fun with a sleepover? Get your duvets in the living room, order some pizza, have popcorn at the ready and just watch movies, chat, and relax! [Read: 32 Awesome sleepover ideas for a fun night with friends]

12. Cook for them

Cooking them dinner shows you are making an effort to make them feel better and cheer them up. They are sure to appreciate it!

13. Give them a hug

Sometimes a good hug helps someone feeling sad more than you can possibly imagine. If you know someone is feeling sad, hugging it out is really comforting. Or, just put your arm around them or hold their hand. Physical contact can be very reassuring. [Read: I just want to be loved: Unlikely reasons for feeling this way]

14. Look them in the eye

Make sure that when they talk to you, you look them in the eye. Direct eye contact is important to show you really hear them. The worst thing for a sad person to feel is as though they are being ignored.

15. Forgive them

If the reason your friend feels sad is because you had a fight, maybe it is time to forgive them and make up!

16. Don’t interrupt

If they do choose to open up to you, remember to let them speak until they are done. You might feel the need to interrupt, but try not to. They just need to get their feelings out and to be heard. Make sure you don’t speak until they are done. [Read: 10 Ways to be a better listener in your relationship]

17. Empathize with them

While you might not agree with everything they say, sometimes people just need someone to agree with them. Even if they are being irrational! Just nod and agree. That way you show them the empathy and understanding they’re sure to appreciate.

18. Make them laugh

If you want to make someone feel better, remember that there is no better antidote to sadness then laughter. Tell them lots jokes. Do that silly dance that cracks them up, or do whatever you need to do to get them laughing once more! [Read: How to smile more often: 6 steps to change your life]

19. Do a challenge together

If they feel a bit lost, why not sign up for a challenge together? If this isn’t your cup of tea, set some aims and goals that you can achieve and work towards together. It helps them get back on track.

20. Take up a hobby

Distraction is an excellent way to stop someone from wallowing in their misery. Why not try taking up a hobby together and see if this can get their mind off their problems?

21. Plot a revenge

If the reason they are sad is because someone hurt or upset them, be it a colleague, a friend, or a partner, then why not sit with them and plot their revenge? You don’t have to act on it, of course, but allowing them to get a little angry instead of sad sometimes helps! [Read: How and why to get revenge on someone – 20 very healthy and effed up ways]

22. Be truthful

Honesty is sometimes the best policy. Remember to be truthful with your friend and help them to see things clearly.

Sometimes being honest feels harsh if they feel sad. Yet, doing so helps them get over their troubles much faster. You’ll continue to be the person they turn to for honest advice time and time again!

23. Ask them what they need

Ask them what they need from you to feel better. They’ll probably tell you that they don’t need anything, but persevere and it will come out in the end!

As long as what they ask you to do isn’t against your morals and doesn’t feel wrong to you, do what you need to do.

24. Show up and surprise them

Sometimes a spontaneous surprise is all it takes to put a smile back on someone’s face and help them feel better.

Turn up on their doorstep when you know they’re not doing anything, and tell them you’re taking them out for ice cream. Then, head out and do your best to make them forget their worries. [Read: 18 Ways to become more spontaneous in life]

25. Tell them how great they are

Sometimes a few carefully placed compliments can really do the trick in cheering someone up.

“You’d look great in that dress”, or “your hair looks amazing like that”, could be all it takes to make them feel good about themselves. Then, they might find it easier to kick their worries away.

26. Do a yoga class together

Yoga is fantastic for health and wellbeing. It’s also ideal for boosting positive thinking. Head to a yoga class together and see if it makes a difference.

If nothing else, you’ll laugh at your attempts to try and get into the poses!

27. Play a fun prank

Make sure that the prank isn’t anything that is going to upset them or make them feel embarrassed. Playing a joke on someone who is feeling down can go either way, but if you’re careful with what you choose, it might make them laugh aloud. That’s therapy in itself! [Read: 12 types of humor and how it affects relationships]

28. Burn away some frustration!

Encourage your friend to grab some *not special* plates and smash them. Head into the nearest field and both scream at the top of your lungs. Do something that helps them to burn off some frustration and anger. You’ll probably feel better for it too.

29. Make them a handmade gift

It doesn’t have to be anything too intricate – a friendship bracelet or a collage of your favorite photographs together could do it.

When someone takes the time to make a gift with their hands, it’s incredibly moving and helps you to see beyond your troubles.

30. Create a gratitude diary together

Sit down and both come up with a list of 5 things you’re grateful for. Then, every day you both need to add something new to the list.

At the end of every week, come together and look at your lists. You’ll both soon see how much you have to be grateful for and it could help to lift them out of their funk. [Read: How to be grateful – 20 authentic ways to appreciate and express it]

Should you learn how to make someone feel better over text?

We live in a technological age and we do most of our communicating online. So, should you attempt to make someone feel better over text or save it for face-to-face meetings?

This one is tough. Sending a funny meme or gif will probably make them smile for a few seconds during the day. Will it lift them out of their worries completely? Probably not. Yet, every little bit helps!

If you want to make someone feel better over text, know that you can try, but it’s best to do it in person. You can certainly learn how to make someone feel better over text, but it’s best to keep it to a minimum.

The best ways? Gifs, memes, funny jokes, or pictures you’ve found on your phone that you want to cheer them up with.

The odd cute message will also hit the right spot, but learning how to make someone feel better over text shouldn’t include long paragraphs and drawn-out discussions. They’ll only feel worse and more tired as they sit down and type long paragraphs in return. [Read: Rules of texting – 15 unwritten texting rules you need to remember]

The point is that they pick up their phone, see a text from you and the contents make them smile for a moment. That’s how to make someone feel better over text.

If you send a long message telling them how you’re there for them and you care about them, that’s great, but it could easily be misunderstood or taken in a different way than what you intend. That’s the worry with any text message.

The best advice? Stick to fun and quick messages, and leave the other stuff for times when you’re face-to-face.

Why is it so hard to stop feeling sad?

Now that you know all the ways to help someone and make them feel better, you need to understand why it’s so hard and frustrating to get them out of their funk sometimes!

There are a few different reasons why it can be hard to stop feeling sad. First, as we mentioned before, sadness is caused by a decrease in the neurotransmitter serotonin. This chemical is responsible for regulating our mood, and when levels are low, we feel down. [Read: Dating someone with depression – The signs and truths you must know]

Exercise, sunshine, and the right kind of supplements can help.  But all said and done, it can be difficult to find the motivation or energy to engage in these activities when you are feeling down.

And sometimes, sadness is just a symptom of a larger problem. If your friend or partner is dealing with anxiety, depression, or another mental health issue, it can be difficult to stop feeling sad however much they try to motivate themselves. In these cases, it is important to seek professional help.

And finally, it’s no secret that life can be a struggle, filled with stress and anxiety at every turn. Whether we are navigating the complex social landscape of middle school or trying to keep up with our busy schedules as adults, it seems like there is always something causing us to feel sad and overwhelmed! [Read: Emotional stability and the factors that control life’s highs and lows]

We can point to the powerful influence of peer pressure or the seemingly constant demands of modern life. Or you could also claim that it is simply human nature to feel down sometimes, or that we are simply wired to experience intense emotions like sadness in response to life’s challenges.

In reality, usually, the main culprit behind our inability to shake off feelings of sadness is often stress and anxiety. Whether we realize it or not, chronic stress has a vast impact on our ability to regulate emotion effectively, leaving us unable to escape from feelings like sorrow and grief. [Read: 24 sad signs of emotional neglect in a relationship]

So if you know someone who is struggling with bouts of depression and melancholy, remember that they can come out of it *even if it feels frustrating being around them at times!*, even the strongest and bravest among us have trouble coping with life’s stresses at times.

But by implementing healthy lifestyle habits like exercise and meditation and reaching out for support when they need it, you can help someone start feeling better today!

[Read: How to cheer someone up – 18 ways to help them feel awesome again]

Being there for someone when they go through a hard time is so important! Make sure you support your loved ones. When they feel blue, try these tips on how to make someone feel better and how to make someone feel better over text, and put a smile back on their face!

The post 30 Touching Ways to Make Someone Feel Better & Help a Sad Friend is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

First Time Having Sex with a Girl? Don't Be Too Rough

First time sex that’s too rough or makes a girl feels slutty often backfires. The secret to passionate sex is to escalate to it over a series of encounters with her.

The first time you have sex with girls, you do not want it to be overly rough. Nor do you want to do anything to trigger feelings in a woman that you think she's a slut.

Yet I have noticed over the years that some guys are fairly (or even quite) rough during the first sexual encounter with a girl. They may do other things that imply to her they think she's a slut (such as using dirty talk where they might even tell her she's a slut. On the first night!).

Some possible reasons men do this with women include:

1. They've watched a lot of porn and have conflated 'rough' and 'wild' with 'showing her a good time'

2. They're just really physical, manly guys and think just being rough with a woman the first time is normal

3. They may have had a girlfriend or FWB who liked it rough and gotten into the habit of being really rough during sex, and that's carried over into their hookups with new girls

4. There's also the less-charitable interpretation is that they may not really care about the girl at all and are just using her to pump and dump (who cares if she has a good time or not!)

Regardless the reason for their roughness the first time they have sex with a girl, the fact is you should not be too rough the first time you bed her.

There are a variety of reasons for this. Some of them are quite important.

So, I hope you will read on -- and have better first encounters + avoid a lot of potential heartache for yourself and women.

32 Secrets to Make Yourself Horny & Get Aroused Really Fast By Yourself

Do you know how to make yourself horny? If you’re looking for ways to get in the mood instantly, just remember these secrets on how to get horny fast!

So many of us get stuck into a mindset where we believe we need to find a partner who knows how to turn us on. Now, this isn’t wrong; you want to find someone who will arouse you and make you orgasm. But, you also want to know how to make yourself horny and get there fast too!

How can someone else turn you on when you don’t know what actually turns you on? See how this can become a problem?

Why a little sexy alone time is never a bad idea

Do you regularly masturbate?

We know, personal question, right? The thing is, masturbation is the single best way to figure out how to make yourself horny.

You can learn what you like, what you don’t like, and how you like it. Then, when you’re with your partner, you can show them what gets you off, making your sex life much more fulfilling.

The whole ‘masturbation will make you blind’ thing is so three centuries ago – not literally, but you get the idea. Nowadays we understand that masturbation is healthy and that it’s actually a fantastic way to reduce stress.

Feeling a little overwhelmed at work? Lock the door and get down to business – you won’t care about the deadline you’re facing after a little time on your own! [Read: How to masturbate – 14 self-pleasure and solo orgasm guide for women]

If you’re still to be convinced, here are some of the proven benefits of making yourself horny and masturbating.

1. You’ll get a better night’s sleep

2. Reduces stress

3. Helps you to chill yourself right out

4. Boosts confidence

5. Enhances positive body image

6. Helps to release sexual tension

7. May help to soothe muscle cramps and tension

8. Helps you to understand what feels good to you

It’s quite possible that you already enjoy a little “me” time already, and that’s great. If you don’t, it’s time you made it a priority. Learning how to make yourself horny fast could be the start of a new sexual revolution in your life!

How to make yourself horny and get there fast!

You want to be able to know your body and know how it reacts when your fingers are in a specific position or if you’re more likely to orgasm when the lights are on.

See, these are things that you need to discover on your own. [Read: Sexual arousal – 15 incredibly arousing ways to get and stay horny]

This is why finding out what makes you horny in the fastest way possible is so important. It will not only bring you to a place where you’re comfortable with yourself soon, but it will also help you be comfortable with your partner. Before you think of enjoying sex with someone else, you need to know how to make yourself horny.

Let’s start with a soft and easy warm-up for those of you who just don’t know what makes you horny fast. And then, let’s work our way down the list to the wilder moves that’ll make you instantly horny.

1. Take your time

You’re not trying to rush through this, there’s no point. What you want to do is allow yourself the time to explore freely. For many people, becoming aroused when you have someone in front of you is easy. However, it takes more work when you’re on your own.

If trying to arouse yourself is new to you, it will take time. Don’t rush, and enjoy the long process! *at least until you learn which moves arouse you better than others* [Read: The sexiest conversation starters for two people to leave you both incredibly aroused]

2. Create the right atmosphere

If you want to make yourself horny, then you need to put some effort into it. When you’re alone, create the ideal atmosphere that makes you feel comfortable and safe.

You want to feel like you’re able to do whatever you want and touch yourself anywhere while you’re making yourself horny.

Light some candles, put on some sexy music, wear clothing that makes you feel hot. Create a vibe that will allow you to lose yourself.

Of course, it goes without saying that you should lock the door, turn your phone on silent, and choose a time when you’re not going to be disturbed. [Read: 23 household things to masturbate with that are both pleasurable and practical]

3. Masturbate

Becoming aroused is one thing, masturbating is another thing. A little earlier we talked about the fact that masturbation is a great way to learn what you like. Once you know that, you’ll have a range of go-to’s when you want to get in the mood.

So, once you’ve worked on creating the scene and feeling sexual, try masturbating.

Most women are able to masturbate by focusing directly on the clitoris, but go with what feels good to you. Test out different strokes and the pressure. Once you find something that makes you feel good, stick with it and keep going. [Read: How to hump a pillow and the naughtiest ways to do it right]

4. Feel free to experiment

If you’re trying to make yourself horny and want to get there fast, you need to experiment with your body. Don’t be afraid to use sex toys or anally stimulate yourself. These are all factors that can make you horny. The only thing is, you need to test it out for yourself. 

One size doesn’t fit all when it comes to sexual arousal. Some people are turned on by the strangest things, and as long as that’s not hurting anyone and it’s not anything that crosses a red line, there’s no harm. [Read: 20 physical signs of female arousal to recognize a girl who’s starting to feel horny]

5. Use more than your hands

Yes, you have two hands, and you should be using them to make yourself horny. But, you also have sex toys that are available to you. Don’t be afraid to use a vibrator or a dildo. In fact, these toys can help you in discovering what can make you horny and take you there faster.

The great news is that it’s easier than ever before to purchase sex toys. You can easily go online and choose the toy you like. It will then be delivered to you very discreetly.

Many are also very quiet too! You’ll find reviews on sex toy shopping websites, so you can find out what other people liked and didn’t like about any particular toy. [Read: Homemade dildos for when the moment strikes unexpectedly]

6. Focus on other areas than your vagina

Many people think that in order to make themselves horny, they just have to focus on their vagina or penis. This isn’t completely wrong, but you have other areas which are erogenous zones. Grab your breasts, your ass, pull your hair, suck on your finger, use the rest of your body and find out which areas stimulate you.

Maybe you’re able to make yourself horny by just massaging your breasts. Perhaps you’re able to turn yourself on by stroking the inside of your wrist. Explore your body and be aware of your different erogenous zones!

7. Tease yourself

Everyone loves a good tease. Just before you’re about to climax, tease yourself by refraining from it. Yes, you heard right – stop yourself. It won’t be easy, but it will make your orgasm stronger.

Deny yourself the orgasm at least a couple of times before allowing the orgasm to wash over you. The more you tease yourself, the stronger your orgasm will be. This is a technique called Edging and it really works wonders for your sex life. [Read: What is Edging? How to use it orgasm harder and better than ever before]

8. Learn what makes you feel sexy

One part is learning about your body, the other part is making yourself feel sexy. Wear clothing or lingerie that makes you feel sexy.

Style your hair, put some makeup on, and allow yourself to look and feel amazing. Of course, you need to feel sexy if you want to arouse yourself. [Read: How to feel sexy and desirable all the time]

9. Take sexy photos of yourself

You don’t have to send these photos to anyone – these photos are for you. Set up the lighting and pose for the camera.

If you want, you can take these photos yourself or have your partner take them for you. Boudoir photos allow you to show off your sexy side and get horny real fast too. [Read: How to take good nudes – 36 tips for the sexiest nude selfies ever]

10. It’s all about the breathing

You’d be surprised at how important breathing is when you’re trying to make yourself horny. You can control your arousal and energy by practicing your breathing.

While masturbating, focus on your breathing and how it affects your body. While breathing, clench your PC muscle to increase pleasure. [Read: How to relax during sex – Free your mind and enjoy your orgasms]

11. Watch a hot movie

Of course, if you want, you can watch porn. But you can also watch a romantic or steamy movie which will also do an amazing job of turning you on.

Try watching movies such as “Showgirls” or “Wild Things,” you won’t regret it. But if you want to watch something that’s more direct with sex, then you can always opt for porn.

If you’re not into anything too graphic or it’s your first time in the porn realm, look for something with a romantic story. These days you can find porn made especially for women, and a huge range of different genres. Explore! [Read: The naughtiest borderline porn titles on Netflix]

12. Focus on relaxation

If you’ve tried these things and they’re not working, you need to relax. Of course, if you feel that you need to see a doctor, then, of course, you go see one and make sure everything’s okay. But perhaps you’re just overthinking things and need to take a step back and chill.

Many people are stressed out in this modern day and age, but that’s not going to help you learn how to make yourself horny.

It’s not possible to be aroused and ready for action when you’re thinking about everything you should have done that day. Chill out a little and learn to close the door on your worries for a short time.

13. Let your imagination fly

Men and women often find different things arousing. Of course, this is a huge generalization, but men tend to be turned on by what they see. Women are turned on by sights, sounds, feelings, thoughts and possibilities.

Lay back, close your eyes and let your imagination take over. Imagine the sexiest scene you can.

Maybe you’re being wooed by your favorite hot celebrity. What are they doing to you? How do they make you feel? It’s your journey so you can take this wherever you like; it can become as x-rated as you see fit!

Using your imagination is one of the best ways to learn how to make yourself horny fast. [Read: 30 sexy things to text your boyfriend to leave him craving for you]

14. Read erotica

Maybe watching porn or a hot film isn’t for you. Porn isn’t for everyone, that’s for sure, even with the huge range of genres you can find these days.

It could be that reading a sexy scene hits the spot for you. That’s because it leaves enough space for you to picture the scene in your own mind – you’re using your imagination once more!

You’ll find erotica books very easily these days, but you can also head online and find short stories that might do it for you too. There is also x-rated fan fiction if you want to dream about your favorite celebrity again! [Read: 20 online lit erotica reads to get your fingers wet and busy in your pants]

15. Do sounds do it for you?

Everyone finds different things to be a turn on or a turn off. How about sexy sounds? Yes, we’re talking about people getting it on. There is a reason porn stars make so much noise – because sex sounds are hugely arousing.

You can listen to sexy podcasts or you can search for audio clips online too. Perhaps the noises are enough to get your imagination where you need it to be. [Read: Sex sounds – How to moan and look & sound even more sexy in bed]

16. Try lube

If you want to get horny fast, sometimes, the direct approach works best. Lube makes everything hotter, slippery, and much sexier.

When you’re masturbating, add in some lube and let your hands slide. You can also use massage oils over the rest of your body if you like, just be sure not to mix the two up!

17. Take a long, hot shower

The feel of the water on your skin can be extremely arousing if you’re in the right frame of mind. Take a shower but do so with the idea of arousal on your mind. You’ll notice that everything feels hotter and wetter. Use a sponge with your favorite shower gel and let it slide over your skin. Play a song that gets you in the mood.

Shower masturbation is pretty good fun in its own right – the showerhead has a lot of potential! [Read: Slippery when wet – Make shower sex sizzle with these tips]

18. Do your own sexy striptease

Stripping for yourself might seem counterproductive but it’s got a lot of benefits! Firstly, it’ll help you to see how gorgeous you really are when you’re naked. And secondly, it’ll turn you on and get you horny and fast!

Dim the lights, put on some sexy music, set the vibe in the room, and then stand in front of the mirror. Let your body move slowly to the music and go with it.

Dance if you want to, but slowly remove each piece of clothing, teasing your own eyes with what’s to come. [Read: How to strip tease – 19 sexy moves for newbies to undress like a stripper]

19. Try sexting

This one might be a stretch for some, but sexting is a great way to get in the mood. When you’re away from your partner, try having a sexy texting session.

Be as explicit as you’re comfortable with and tell each other what you want to do the next time you see each other. You could even describe it in detail and let your hands wander. [Read: How to start sexting your lover when you’ve never done it before]

20. Talk about your fantasies

This one takes a lot of trust in your partner but that’s something you should have anyway! Talking about your fantasies can get you really horny and aroused within minutes and when you’re done talking, maybe you could try acting out one of them?

Describe your fantasy in as much detail as possible but don’t touch yourself. Your partner can’t touch themselves either. By the end, you’ll be crazy with the horn! [Read: 50 kinky sex ideas and fantasies worth talking about if you want to arouse yourself]

21. Dance for yourself

Throw on your sexiest music, put on whatever makes you feel good, and just go for it. Dance around your room like no one’s watching *hopefully, they’re not, so close the curtains*.

The very act of dancing is sensual, even if you’re not really dancing in a particularly sexy way. It’ll also get your blood pumping, which aids arousal.

22. Look for pleasure classes online

Yes, you can take a class in pleasure. The Internet is a wonderful thing! Look for a reputable online course and choose a subject that you want to know more about, or something which you feel is going to turn you on.

From massage to sex toys, relaxation to masturbation, there are classes for everything you can imagine. Boosting your sexual confidence is a turn on in itself!

23. Find pleasure through food

Food has appeared in many a sex scene throughout history and there’s a good reason for that. There are certain foods that are as sensual as they are delicious. It could be strawberries dipped in chocolate, or maybe it’s ice cream for you.

How about spaghetti slurped in a sexy way, or maybe a food that reminds you of a previous hot encounter. Identify the food that gets you going and enjoy it. Be sure to eat slowly and mindfully, savoring every bit.

24. Write your own erotica

Earlier, we mentioned reading erotica, but what about writing your own? You don’t have to try and have it published, but hey, if you want to, go for it!

Writing is very creative and it allows you to tap into the depths of your imagination. You can write yourself into the story or you can use a character. Just let them do whatever you feel is going to get you hot. Before you know it, you’ll be getting horny and wet just while typing something sexy on your screen!

25. Try some aphrodisiacs

If all else fails, why not give nibbling on some sexy foods a try? Oysters, dark chocolate, red wine, olive oil, and even avocados are just some of the foods supposed to be great at increasing arousal. [Read: 28 natural aphrodisiacs in the kitchen to make you horny AF in no time]

26. Wear something naughty and sexy

No, we’re not talking about a striptease here. But dig into your closet and try on the sexiest *or most revealing* outfits you have.

You don’t have to wear them and step out, but just the act of wearing something that makes you feel sexy can instantly make you get horny as well.

27. Take a walk down your street

But without one specific item of clothing, whatever it is. If you want to get horny fast and arouse yourself, try taking a walk down a street sans an item of clothing that no one but you knows about.

Think you have sexy breasts? Step out without wearing your bra *you can always wear a jacket on top*. Or leave your underwear behind while stepping out in a skirt.

To make yourself horny fast, you should always remember that it’s more about what you think than what you do. If you “feel” like you’re doing something scandalous, it’ll arouse you just as much as doing something in an obvious manner *even if it’s your dirty little secret*.

28. Prepare yourself for the night out

If you want to feel the part, you’ve got to look it. There is nothing sexier than preparing and pampering yourself for a night of hot love-making.

Slip into new underwear or an outfit that makes you feel super hot. The confidence it gives you will make you want to take charge in the bedroom and rip your partner’s clothes off as soon as possible!

29. Shop together for sex toys

Sex toys are a great way to enhance your sex life and can be a fantastic way of bringing you closer together as a couple. There are a huge range of sex toys out there these days so why not take yourself down to the nearest sex shop and pick out a few that look good to you?

Do this as a solo treat and learn how to get yourself off, or go with your partner and pick out some together. Just buying them with the knowledge that you’ll use them together later can be a major turn on and get you horny just thinking of it.

30. Act out your fantasies

Telling each other your fantasies is sure to give you that warm fuzzy feeling in your nether regions. If you trust each other to share them, this brings a new level of intimacy to the relationship too! [Read: The most arousing sex fantasies to try in real life]

31. Do something taboo or naughty in public

Just don’t do something that’ll get you in trouble with the law!! Have you ever touched yourself while sitting in a car? Have you touched your partner inappropriately in public? Have you ever had sex standing by your bedroom window with the blinds slightly cracked open? Have you ever skinny dipped?

The world is your sexy oyster when it comes to making yourself horny fast! As sex or arousal starts to feel more like routine, it’s natural to lose a bit of that horniess. But that’s when you have the push the boundaries of lust and arousal, and reignite it all over again.

32. Tell yourself that you’re horny

Sometimes our brains simply believe what we tell them, if we tell them enough.

When you’re dancing for yourself, tell yourself that you’re turned on. Maybe you’re eating, so tell yourself that you find it sexy. If you’re masturbating, tell yourself that you’re finding everything so arousing.

Often, the easiest options are the most effective in getting horny and staying horny!

[Read: 25 horny ways to increase your sex drive and keep it high]

Now that you know how to make yourself horny fast, take the time you need to learn about yourself and your body. Trust us, you need to know your body if you want someone else to turn you on or arouse you.

The post 32 Secrets to Make Yourself Horny & Get Aroused Really Fast By Yourself is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

Man Crush: 20 Signs & Why It’s Okay to Crush on the Same Gender

You’ve heard of a bromance, but what is a man crush? And, do you have one? Don’t worry, it’s nothing to be too concerned about in most cases!

What is a man crush? It is when another man has a crush on another man. You might panic when you read that definition – does having a crush on another man make you gay?

Probably not, although for some, it could be the case. There are always people we meet in our lives who make our everything much more fun. They just get us and are super fun to be around.

After all, a crush isn’t always about having romantic feelings. Sometimes it just means you can’t get enough of being around someone. [Read: Who is your main squish? 15 signs you’re squishing on someone]

The key differences between a man crush and a bromance

You’ve no doubt heard the term ‘bromance,’ so what is the difference between a bromance and a man crush, exactly? They’re similar but have one very key difference.

When a bromance is going on, two guys are enjoying spending time together, can’t get enough of being around one another, and people jokingly say “oh they’re in a bromance”.

When you have a man crush, it’s totally one-sided. You look at a particular guy and you want to be around them more, or maybe you want to be more like them. Again, both bromances and man crushes don’t necessarily have to be about romantic feelings or anything beyond platonic.

In some cases, they could end up going that way, but that’s just something you have to go with if or when it arises. [Read: Male bonding vs female bonding – What are the main differences?]

It’s possible to have a man crush on a celebrity, someone in authority, a person you’ve never met but only seen online or from a distance, or someone you work with, someone you’re friends with, the list goes on.

The subtle signs you have a man crush on a guy and don’t realize it

How do you know if you have a man crush? When you are crushing on someone, it means they bring excitement into your life that you don’t normally feel with other people.

If you get tingly feelings inside when one of your friends comes around, that is just one sign you have a man crush. However, there are many additional signs you might be crushing. Let’s check them out. [Read: Why do men need male friends?]

1. You get all giddy when they’re around

Sure, guys night is fun, and you look forward to it all week. When you have a man crush, then you are just excited about hanging out with your one “bestie.” It is specific and one step up.

When you see them, see their text message, or just think about them, it gives you butterflies in your stomach. [Read: Queer platonic relationship and 25 signs you may already be in one]

2. You worry if they approve of what you wear

Like fitting in, you want your man crush to think you are the trendiest and coolest guy around.

If you change your outfit about ten times and fidget with it while you wait for him to arrive, then there is a good chance you have a man crush.

3. You text them, like, all the time

If you can’t seem to find enough reasons in the world to text, then you probably have a man crush. Sending images to make them laugh, funny antidotes, and just “hey” all day long.

If you can’t put your phone away, or worse yet, wait to see the dots that mean they’re answering you back, you’re in deep. [Read: Texting your crush: A step-by-step guide to doing it right]

4. You stalk their social media

With a man crush, you want to make sure they like you as much as you do them. Stalking their social media to make sure that they aren’t hanging out with someone else and leaving you in the lurch is just a part of what you will do to spy on them.

5. You get jealous when they talk to other guys

If you do uncover a third wheel, then it doesn’t make you happy. Worse yet, if they do something super cool and you find out that you weren’t invited, that is grounds for being pissed.

It’s okay if they have superficial conversations with other “friends,” but the serious talk should be left for the two of you. [Read: Jealousy vs envy – How to tell them apart when they feel the same]

6. You try to look and talk like them, to some degree

When you have a man crush, you want to look just like them, dress just like them, and talk just like them. Why? Because there is nothing cooler than your “it” guy. If you can’t date him, you might as well be him. [Read: How to be a good friend – 49 traits and friend codes that make a true pal]

7. You dress up whenever you know they’re coming over

If they come over to hang out and play video games, and you shower and put on some cologne, that might just be a sign that you have a man crush. Trying to look nice for a guy’s night isn’t a thing when it is just guys.

8. You clean your apartment when they’re coming over

Again, if you go above and beyond guy duty to impress another man, that might just scream man crush. Guys are supposed to be laid back and not give a shit.

If you are typically one of them but find yourself scurrying around to pick things up, you are crushing. [Read: What is peacocking? Why men instinctively indulge in peacocking]

9. You care what they think of you

Another cute thing guys do to one another is call them out, razz them, and make fun of one another. If your man crush says something to you and you get all butt hurt, then you might consider that you have some pretty special feelings for someone.

10. You find yourself suddenly rooting for their sports teams

It is your duty as a man to have some loyalty to a team. Whether it is your college sports team or your hometown, if you change your team loyalty due to what another man likes, that spells MAN CRUSH. [Read: 43 Things to talk about with your crush & make them think of you]

11. You find ways to see them, like, all the time

Talking on the phone isn’t enough? Stalking is a huge sign of a man crush. Constantly interjecting yourself into their good times, inviting yourself along on every excursion, or just showing up at their house or place of business to see if they want to “hang out.” These are all signs that you have a man crush.

12. You worry a little about your feelings for them

The fact that you are even reading this means you either suspect you have a man crush or you fear someone has one on you. The fact that you acknowledge that something is a little “off,” says it all, man crush. [Read: Does liking a man mean I’m gay?]

13. You prefer being with them over your girlfriend

If you choose your man crush over your girl, even when your girl gets super pissed, then they mean more to you than the lady in your life. That means two things, either you should start looking for a new main squeeze or you have a man crush.

14. You find yourself liking everything they do

If even the way that they puke after they had too much to drink is the best thing in the world, then you might be dealing with a man crush.

Guys aren’t supposed to like or approve of everything other guys do, even if as a friend you pretend to. If you really do, then you might have a bit of a crush. [Read: How to get over a crush and have fun doing it]

15. You use all their new phrases as if it’s a “thing”

Not only do you start to talk like your crush, you two have sayings that only you know, understand, and use. If you have your own “it phrases” then we have good news and bad news.

The bad news is that you probably have a man crush, the good news is that it might be returned. If that’s the case, you move into bromance territory.

16. You feel hurt or pushed out when they want to go out with their girlfriend

If you can’t let them have their own time away, especially with the girl they like or are dating, then that spells jealousy. Where does jealousy come from? Well, your man crush, of course.

17. You hate a third wheel, typically because you don’t know you are it

Hey Dupree, wake up, you might think your man wants you there all the time but either he doesn’t have the balls to tell you he doesn’t. Or, his girlfriend is too polite to tell you she thinks it is weird and you need to step off. [Read: The third wheel – 32 perks, annoyances and the guide to survive being one]

18. The smell of them makes you feel turned on, or slightly tingly

Okay, you may get a little turned on when you walk into an Abercrombie store, but they are designed that way. If the mere smell of a guy makes your mind tingle, that isn’t normal for just friendship and might just spell C-R-U-S-H, or possibly even more.

19. You not only notice but compliment their new haircut

This one is a no-brainer. Even IF you notice a guy got a new haircut, that is something you keep to yourself. And, even if you think it looks nice, again, you keep it to yourself. [Read: The 60 bromandments: Bro code rules every guy should live by]

20. You get every round

If you get every round of drinks when you are out with a guy, it says one of two things. Either you are a tool *’cause you are being used*, or you try to impress them by throwing cash around. If it is the latter, that is a sign you just might be in the midst of a man crush.

What should you do about a man crush?

Typically, nothing. A man crush is generally harmless and you may find that over time, it eases and you start to see them as just another guy friend.

However, in some cases, a man crush can then develop into a bromance. If that’s the case, your friend has seen that you’re just as wonderful as you think they are, and they’re crushing back! [Read: Does he have a crush on me? 20 Signs he just can’t hide]

Generally speaking, having a man crush isn’t something you should worry about at all. Many guys panic and think it means that they’re gay, but most of the time, that’s not the case at all.

If it does prove to be the case in the end, work through your feelings carefully and don’t feel rushed or pressured into making any moves until you’re ready. It might turn out to be a wake up call, it might simply be a transient thing. You never know.

Most man crushes are completely platonic and non-sexual. It can be a little alarming to suddenly start having these slightly over-the-top feelings towards another guy when it’s never happened before. However, you should just embrace them and see it as a positive.

It means you’ve met someone you really vibe with and that means a really deep friendship can develop. Rather than panicking about what it might mean for your sexuality, just go with the flow and allow the truth to unravel naturally. Nine times out of ten, man crushes aren’t a sexual deal at all.

So basically, just go with it and try not to overthink your feelings!

[Read: Platonic crush – What this means and how to proceed platonically]

The good news is that we all have crushes on people of the same sex. Don’t be embarrassed by your man crush; we’ve all been in your shoes before, so stop freaking out about it and go with the flow!

The post Man Crush: 20 Signs & Why It’s Okay to Crush on the Same Gender is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

I Just Want to Be Loved: 18 Reasons & How to Find that Missing Piece

In the end, we can all say, “I just want to be loved.” Not everyone is lucky enough to find The One, but it’s possible to find love in other ways too. 

We can’t all spend our days feeling loved by everyone and everything we come into contact with. In fact, it’s pretty normal to not feel loved every now and then. But if you’re frequently thinking or even saying, “I just want to be loved,” then there may be more to your situation than meets the eye.

Truth be told, many of us feel we’re unloved. This is usually with the hope of being loved, having just gone through a rough breakup, or after watching a particularly romantic movie.

But the problem starts when you feel hopeless about love all the time. [Read: Feeling unloved in a relationship? How to feel loved & happy again]

Why is feeling loved so desirable and addictive?

You may think there isn’t anything THAT great about being loved. After all, it’s just another emotion for you to live without, right? Wrong. Feeling appreciated in this way is so amazing because it’s such a powerful feeling. It drives us, as humans, to exist.

Our innate desire is to find others to want us and to be accepted. That’s why feeling loved is just so great.

It’s in our DNA, in order for our species to survive. The trouble is that when you don’t feel it, it affects you more than anything else. [Read: 15 ways you’ll experience what love really feels like]

The possible reasons behind “I just want to be loved,” and what to do about them

When someone feels this way, it often has much more to do with the person than those around them. The chances of you actually having zero love in your life is very slim. Everyone wants to be loved. But some people want it for different reasons.

If you frequently find yourself thinking and saying, “I just want to be loved,” then you may be doing so because of some specific reasons.

Let’s explore these reasons and work out whether you have already more deep affection in your life than you even realize. [Read: Being in love – 15 best things in life only love can give you]

1. You’re depressed

Depression is a very serious problem that many, many people suffer with daily. It’s not just sadness. It’s a feeling of hopelessness, despair, and loneliness you just can’t seem to shake.

You may feel unloved and like you don’t even want to step a foot out of bed that day. If you suddenly feel this way, coupled with your feelings of just wanting to be appreciated, you could be suffering from depression and not even realize it.

In that case, be sure to open up and talk about your feelings. You may also find help in speaking to your doctor, who may have other treatment options to offer you. [Read: How to stop overthinking and the secrets to go from overthinker to relaxer]

2. Your expectations are too high

Some people don’t realize they’re expecting far too much out of life and the feeling of being adored. You may be setting your expectations way too high. It leaves you feeling like you’re unloved even when you’re not.

Put yourself into a realistic mindset when it comes to feeling loved. You can’t expect that the feeling of someone else loving you is going to suddenly solve all your problems.

If you have a habit of saying, “I just want to be loved,” all the time, this may be your problem. In that case, why not work on the relationship you have with yourself? Being happy in your own skin and having self-love can be just as fulfilling. [Read: 19 unrealistic expectations in love you want to believe but shouldn’t]

3. You just went through a breakup

It’s normal to feel a little emotionally bruised when coming out of a relationship. You may even find you feel like you’ll never find love again, especially if it was a bad breakup.

If you’ve just been through a situation where one person stopped feeling the same way about you, you may feel as though everyone in your life stopped loving you. It makes you desperate enough to say something like, “I just want to be loved.” This isn’t the truth.

Give yourself time to heal and get over the heightened emotions that a breakup sends your way. After a little time has passed, you’ll start to see things more clearly and realize that you deserve romance and affection in your life, and that when you’re ready, you’ll find it. [Read: How to get over a breakup – 15 tips to move from pouty-land faster]

4. You’re lonely

If you’re single and have been for a while now, you may start thinking that you’re unlovable. Perhaps you haven’t felt romantic love in a long time, so it’s easier to start saying this over and over again.

Maybe you’re lonely or live alone and spend most of your time away from other people. When you don’t spend time with those that actually do love you, it’s easier to forget that they actually do. 

The realistic truth is that you have more affection around you than you realize. You simply need to make an effort to spend time with those close to you and perhaps push out of your comfort zone a little.

Get out there and meet new people. Who knows how you might meet. [Read: I feel lonely – 30 ways to overcome feelings of loneliness]

5. Your friends are busy with their lives

Everyone has a life and some of your friends may be busier with theirs than you are with yours. This leaves you feeling left out, and lonely, and you may even miss having them around.

You feel as though your friends are so invested in their own lives that they don’t have time for you. Understand that just because someone is busy doesn’t mean they don’t love and care about you anymore. Have regular catch ups, perhaps once every couple of weeks, and make sure that neither of you cancels. That way, you can stay in touch and continue to build your bond. [Read: Losing a friend? 30 truths to face the pain of two very good friends drifting away with time]

6. You’ve watched far too many romantic movies and TV shows

This is one of the main reasons you may be feeling so desperate to be loved. If you’re lonely, bored, and have been watching a LOT of romantic movies that grip your chest in desperation, then that’s why you feel unloved.

These movies are made for you to wish for the same romance in your life, but it’s not realistic. If you keep focusing on wanting the love that’s in a movie, you’ll never be satisfied with the love you do have in your life.

Life isn’t a fairytale, no matter what Hollywood may want you to believe! Check your expectations and start to appreciate what you have in your life right now. [Read: The most famous movies that teach really bad lessons about love]

7. You don’t have anyone that’s really close to you

If you don’t have strong friendships in your life, you could be feeling unloved. There’s a certain feeling of being really connected with someone in a close manner, even if it’s just friendship, that makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

If you don’t feel this, it could be because you haven’t found that friend you can open up to. You may not have anyone to be intimate with in an emotional way. That could make you feel like you’re missing something in your life.

Try opening up to those in your life a little more and see if it’s just the case that you need to work on the bond you have. Also, start saying ‘yes’ to invitations and get out there a little more – there are countless potential friends waiting to be met. [Read: How to open up to people – 15 reasons and ways to open up to others]

8. You’re spending too much time with unloving people

Are you surrounding yourself with people that care about you and are actually vocal about that, or do you spend your time with those that aren’t very kind and loving toward you? [Read: How to recognize and stop selfish people from hurting you]

The people you spend the majority of your time with have the ability to shape the way you feel about yourself. If you’re spending time with the wrong people you feel less than loved. It keeps you craving that love.

Perhaps it’s time to do a life inventory. Which friends and associates serve you well versus the ones who don’t? Spend more time with the positive ones and less with the negative. Then, see how you feel after a while.

9. You’re jealous of someone else’s love

If all you do is pay attention to the way someone else is receiving love, it’s going to make you think you don’t have “proper” love.

You may be obsessed with a certain couple on social media, and it blinds you to the love you actually receive. This makes you feel like you just want to be loved, even though you are.

Recognize the fact that you never truly know what is going on behind closed doors. Social media is very good at making you believe one thing, when the truth is usually quite different. Nobody’s relationship is perfect and everyone feels unloved sometimes.

Turn your attention to yourself and stop comparing yourself to other people. That’s not where you’ll find happiness or love. [Read: Self-concept – What is it and why it’s crucial to your happiness]

10. You don’t love yourself

This is the most common reason of all. If you don’t have love for yourself, you’re going to feel like you’re missing something huge in your life. This has you trying to fill that void with love from other people. Leaving you always saying, “I just want to be loved.” First, love yourself. 

It’s not easy to develop self-love and it won’t happen overnight, but with every small step, you’ll notice an improvement. Let’s explore that in a lot more detail next. [Read: How to stop loving someone else… and love yourself more]

You can’t be loved if you don’t know how to love yourself

Many people who feel unloved in their lives have a lack of self-love in general. That doesn’t mean you love every single aspect of who you are and what you’re about. It means that you appreciate who you are, what you’re trying to do, and who you’ve become.

You’re kind to yourself and you recognize that you have many positive traits to offer. You don’t need a partner in your life when you feel this way, but you may want one. That’s a very big difference – need and want.

When you have self-love, you become a more positive and happier person. That also means you have a lot more to offer to the right person, when they eventually come along.

So, if you’re regularly thinking “I just want to be loved” perhaps it’s time to work on self-love first of all. Here’s how. [Read: 34 life-changing steps to fall in love with yourself all over again]

1. Keep a journal

No, you’re not going back to your teenage years and writing down every single aspect of your day. If you want to, go for it, but we’re talking about keeping a journal of important points. Note down how you felt that day, any particular things that made you feel good or bad, who you spent time with, and anything else of note.

Over a few weeks, you’ll start to see patterns emerging. You’ll notice who makes you feel good. It will be easier to pinpoint situations that trigger you. This information is key in tackling triggers, either by avoiding them, facing them, or minimizing them.

2. Learn to say “no”

Those who regularly feel unloved often try to please people. This can lead to saying “yes” to everything, even if you don’t have the time. In the end, you’ll feel burned out and stressed.

If you truly don’t want to do something, have the bravery to just say “no.” Sure, there are some situations when you can’t refuse, perhaps if your boss has told you to do a specific task, but other things are easily refused.

Learning to say “no” to things that don’t serve you helps you to focus on yourself. You’re valuing your time and your health. Just make sure that you’re not saying “no” to things that could turn out to be great for meeting new people!

3. Start putting yourself first

Alongside learning how to say “no,” if you want to feel loved and be loved, you need to start putting yourself first occasionally. When you feel unloved and you’re lacking in self-love, it’s easy to put everyone else before yourself.

The problem is, if you’re tired and stressed about sorting everyone else out, what time do you have left for you? None! You end up tired, ratty, and not the greatest person to be around. You’re your own worst enemy!

Don’t feel guilty if you make a choice that benefits you over another person occasionally. Sure, don’t do it all the time, but if it feels right to you, have the courage to put yourself first.

4. Do things that make you feel good

When you turn your attention inwards, you start to recognize your own worth. The more you do it, the more you see just how much you can achieve and how good it feels. Start doing more of the things that you enjoy.

If you adore cycling, head out on a weekly bike ride. Perhaps you used to paint but for some reason stopped. Well, grab that paintbrush! Maybe you really love long, hot baths with candles – make it a regular treat! [Read: How to take care of yourself emotionally and avoid falling apart]

The more you nourish your own soul, the more you’ll see that you don’t need another person to complete you or make you happy. You’re more than capable of doing that yourself.

Ironically, when you realize this, you become super-attractive to those around you because you radiate a certain self-assuredness and happiness.

5. Write a list of your good points and achievements

Sit down and write a list of your achievements in life, your good points, and any other positive elements you can think of. It will be difficult at first, because most of us don’t find it easy to big ourselves up!

However, stick with it and make sure you have a long list. If you’re struggling, ask someone close to you to help you out. Then, add a new point to the list every couple of days.

After a couple of weeks, sit down and read the list over. Any time you need a confidence boost, read the list and remember how much you rock!

6. Try positive affirmations

Having a positive attitude to life helps you to feel better about yourself and your love-life situation. You’ll be more laid-back and less worried about whether you’re loved or not *don’t panic, you are*. Positive affirmations are a great way to do that.

How about “I am strong and loved”, or “I love myself, just the way I am”? [Read: Words of affirmation – How to use them & 20 examples to say it right]

Once you’ve chosen your affirmation, say it three times when you wake up with true meaning and depth. Say it again at lunchtime and again before bed.

Whenever you feel your resolve wobble, repeat it three times. The more you repeat your affirmation, the more you’ll train your brain to believe it. Of course, you need to give it a helping hand by choosing an affirmation you actually like and want to believe in the first place. [Read: How to manifest love – The best steps to draw in more love than you could ever imagine]

7. Spend time around those who make you feel good

When you’re happy and upbeat, you can handle most situations in life. You’re less likely to feel unloved when you’re surrounded by people who make you laugh and smile.

We mentioned doing a life inventory a little earlier on and this is very important. Identify those who lift your spirits when you’re down and then suggest regular meets up and fun events.

The more time you spend around people who make you feel good, the better you’ll feel about yourself. [Read: Best lesson to live by – Surround yourself with positive people]

8. Dedicate time to self-care

Self-care should be a daily thing, but it’s not a bad idea to dedicate one day per week to everything that makes you happy. Never cancel or move that day, and focus on doing all the things you love.

Go to a spa, head out into nature, or bake your favorite cake. It doesn’t matter what it is, as long as you enjoy it and you find pleasure in it.

Never feel guilty for looking after yourself. At the very root of feeling unloved is a lack of love for the most important person in your life – you.

[Read: 17 happy things you need for a blissfully happy life]

Everyone feels like they’re not loved at times, but if you have a habit of saying, I just want to be loved, all the time, you may have a few problems. These are the likely reasons you may be feeling that way.

The post I Just Want to Be Loved: 18 Reasons & How to Find that Missing Piece is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.