Work Husband & Wife: 49 Work Spouse Signs You’re Too Close & Rules to Follow

Work husbands and work wives are a natural setup at work. But don’t let your platonic office spouse accidentally have negative effects on your real romantic relationship.

Work husbands and wives are seen in almost every office: a *theoretically* platonic relationship in which two colleagues connect with and support each other in high-intensity work environments.

But why is it that it’s always a partner of the appealing sex? Why use such an endearing term? Isn’t it all a little suspicious?

Now, in theory, it’s a flawless idea. You have someone who acts as a spouse at work, and then when the working day is done, you go home to your actual wife or husband. What could possibly go wrong?

In fact, a survey in 2020 reported that 25 percent of workers had a work spouse at some point in time: 44% were men, and half of them were women.

You see, it can be dangerous. But then again, it can be great! 

Who honestly likes going to work every day, seeing the same people, listening to the same drama? This is where having a work husband or wife comes in handy. But what exactly is a work wife or work husband? [Read: How two people can have a purely platonic friendship]

What is a work-husband or work-wife relationship?

Basically, a work spouse is a deep friendship with an office mate.

Having a work spouse can be lots of fun, as they can brighten up an otherwise dull day in the office. A work spouse is someone who works with you and with whom you have a close relationship. They’re usually of the opposite or preferred sex.

The relationship isn’t sexual or romantic, though can get flirty at times. They act more like your favorite person in the office who you rely on and spend most of your time with. [Read: The good and bad of hooking up with someone in the workplace]

Lots of people have a work husband or wife because we spend so much time with the same group of people day in and day out. At work, we find those we build camaraderie with best and gravitate towards them. People spend, on average, around 40 hours a week at work. 

Forming close friendships and bonds makes a real difference to the enjoyment of being at work, makes the time pass more quickly, and generally makes you feel more positive and motivated in your job.

When close friendships form between members of the opposite sex, especially ones who see each other every day, things can become a little confusing. It’s important to understand what’s okay and what’s not, especially in the workplace, and even more so if your real spouse is waiting for you at home! [Read: How to make friends who want to stay platonic]

How to know if you have a work spouse

If any of you have seen The Office, you already know a work spouse is very tricky. Sure, you have someone to rely on in the office, someone to confide in. They’re your emotional and professional rock—you’re a team. 

But when does this one work relationship become too much? This partnership you have has the possibility of becoming more intense, more… romantic.

Of course, sometimes it actually works out for the best, but, in many cases, it doesn’t. But before we even get into that, what are the signs you have a work wife or work husband? Well, you’re about to find out now. The signs are subtle, but they’re there. [Read: 18 emotional affair signs you probably never noticed]

1. You’re together… a lot

At work, you’re two peas in a pod. Whether there’s a conference, lunch, or hang-out, you guys are by each other’s side. 

In fact, when people don’t see you two together, they usually end up asking where the other person is. Everyone in the office sees you two as one—which may not be the best thing if you’re already in a relationship.

2. You spend a lot of time together outside of the office

For some work husbands and wives, their relationship only extends to the 9-5 office hours, which is fine. In fact, it’s a good boundary to have if you worry about someone developing feelings. [Read: How to keep flirting at work harmless and fun]

But some workplace spouses can actually spend a large amount of time together outside of the office as well.

3. You gossip together

You can’t trust anyone else when it comes to sharing gossip. But with your work wife or work husband, you have no problem coming to their cubicle during the day for a quick chat to tell them what just happened.

If you can spill the beans and not have to worry about anyone finding out, well, you have yourself a work husband or wife.

4. They’re the first person you go to

Whether you’re having a bad day at work, just received a promotion, or had a fight with another coworker, they’re the first person you vent to or ask for advice. Sure, you could tell someone else, but why would you? What’s really important is that they’re the one who hears the good news.

5. You share secrets with each other

Well, it wouldn’t be much of a wife/husband dynamic if you didn’t share secrets with each other, right? In order to build a strong relationship, you both need to be trustworthy. [Read: How to be friends without crossing the platonic line]

You’ve probably told your work spouse secrets that you wouldn‘t dream of telling anyone else in the office and vice versa.

6. You have no problem being honest with them

You can’t be completely honest with everyone, especially at work. Are you going to tell your boss that they look fat in those pants? Or that your co-worker is too much of a gossip? No, you’re only going to share those things with your work spouse.

But seriously, you have no problem telling your work husband or wife that they’re being annoying today or that you didn’t like what they said to you earlier today. You can be real with them. [Read: An insight into a rare relationship – platonic friends]

7. You have each other’s backs

This is what a real relationship comes down to. Do you have their backs, and do they have yours? If you can’t rely on this person to support you through thick and thin at work. 

Well, they’re just like all the other colleagues in the office. What makes a work wife or work husband is the fact that you know you can rely on them no matter what.

8. At work parties, you hang out with them

At your office Christmas party or at happy hour, instead of mingling with your other co-workers, you stick close to this person. In fact, if they don’t go, you usually bail on work events as well. It wouldn’t be the same without them! [TheTalko.com: Signs you’re madly in love with your coworker]

9. They’re on your mind outside of work

If something funny happens on the weekend, you want to text them and tell them. They’re on your mind all the time. 

Though it sounds nice, this is usually a red flag that you’re developing feelings. If you’re single, fine. But if you’re in a relationship, this isn’t good. [Read: Signs you’re emotionally attached and falling hard for someone]

10. You don’t want them to meet your actual spouse

You like your work husband or wife, and you love your real-life spouse, but you don‘t want them to ever meet. These are two worlds that you want to keep separated. But if that‘s the case, then you need to be asking yourself why. It sounds like you’re catching feelings.

11. You talk about them a lot

They could actually just be a hilarious person, so you have to talk about them. But if you’re constantly talking about them in conversation, it’s a clear sign that you’re developing feelings for them.

Think about it. You don’t talk about people that you’re not interested in. [Read: Pros and cons of banging a coworker in the office]

12. Your teamwork is on a whole other level

There’s a reason why you two are each other’s work husband or wife; you make a great team. Of course, you should use this to your benefit as your boss loves the work results.

The reason why you two work so well together is you both actually enjoy each other’s companies and work off of each other’s strengths and weaknesses. [Read: Important habits you need to be independent]

13. You speak your own language

At work, you two basically communicate in your own private language. Maybe it’s through eye glances, jokes, or memes, but the point is you two are vibing. Not to mention your co-workers probably hate it, but who cares about them anyways?

Benefits of having a work husband or work wife

Having a work spouse isn’t inherently good or bad. It just depends on the individuals involved. So, let’s talk about some of the advantages of having a work husband or wife.

1. The feeling of companionship at work

A lot of people see their coworkers more often than their own family. And if you don’t have people you are close to at work, it can feel isolating and lonely.

So, when you have a work spouse, you always have someone as an outlet, especially whenever you need to vent about work-related problems. It will also feel less stressful if someone who can relate to those problems validates your feelings and provides emotional support. [Read: 16 signs of sexual tension between coworkers that can’t be hidden]

2. You have someone to collaborate with

Unless you are an extreme introvert, most people like to work with others and not be alone. And when you have a work spouse, you get to do just that! You can work on a project together and not have to take on the workload all by yourself, thus helping you get that work-life balance.

3. You can help maximize work productivity

When you are working on similar things, you can brainstorm together and assign tasks according to each other’s specific talents. For example, maybe one of you is better at writing and the other at running the numbers. You can maximize your work productivity together.

4. Boosts confidence at work

It always feels good to be a part of a team, right? So, having a work husband or wife can make you feel a lot more confident when you are at work.

You have someone who has your back and will always be your cheerleader when you need it. [Read: How to build self-confidence – 16 ways to realize you’re worth it]

Cons of an office spouse

Just like with anything in life, nothing is always good or always bad. So, there are also some disadvantages to having a work spouse. Here are some of them.

1. Jealousy in the workplace

If your work spouse tends to be popular with everyone, then other people could be jealous that you are so close to them. Whether it’s because someone has a romantic interest in your work spouse or they just wish they could hang out with them more, there could be jealousy that happens because of your connection to each other.

2. Competition with other coworkers

If some coworkers don’t have the same type of relationship with another person as you do with your work spouse, that could foster competition. Or even if they do, they – along with their own work spouse – might be competitive with you and yours. [Read: What to do when a relationship with a coworker ends]

3. Can cause problems between you and your romantic partner

This is the most obvious and dangerous disadvantage to having a work husband or wife. Either of your real romantic partners or spouses might get jealous of the connection that the two of you have. It might take away time and emotional energy from your real partner, and that can cause problems in your relationship.

Work husband-wife rules you must follow

While a work spouse is great fun, it’s important to consider learning those unwritten work spouse rules that both parties should stick to and ensure the friendship is a lasting and successful one and that everyone remains on the same page.

A friendship at work that turns sour can be extremely distressing and make life very difficult for you. It turns what was a fun and pleasant atmosphere into somewhere you just don’t want to be!

Learning the work spouse rules and sticking to them makes sure this doesn’t happen for you. [Read: How to recognize the signs of jealousy in someone and guide them out]

First, identify whether you might have a work husband or wife. Usually, a work spouse is someone you depend upon, whether that’s for important advice or sharing coffee! 

You spend your breaks with them, confide in them, spend time outside work with them, share jokes just the two of you get, be really honest with them, and they know loads about your personal life too.

Sound familiar? Then, you probably have a work husband or wife! So, what exactly are these work spouse rules you should stick to? Let’s take a look at them. [Read: Relationship rules – 30 must-know tips to live your best life]

1. Make sure you are clear from the outset

If you feel yourself getting close to someone of the opposite sex at work, that’s fine. But making sure you are clear about what kind of friendship you look for ensures you are both on the same page from the outset. 

If you aren’t or you hide the fact you are already in a relationship, this leads to confusion, misread signals, and hurt feelings. [Read: Crucial steps for setting healthy boundaries]

2. Don’t shut out your co-workers

Try not to be too exclusive with your work husband or wife. While it’s fine to get on better with some people than others, if you don’t make an effort to talk to any of your other colleagues and spend every minute of the workday with your work spouse, you’ll soon become the subject of office gossip. Perhaps you will miss out on having a more fulfilling social life too.

3. Set boundaries and stick to them

You know what kind of behavior is acceptable and what isn’t. What your partner at home tolerates and what they would be hurt or angered by is only something you know. 

Set clear boundaries and make sure you keep them. It’s a good idea to communicate these to your work spouse as well. Try and do this early on so there is no confusion. [Read: How to handle a coworker crush like an adult]

4. Keep it light, and don’t bring them into complicated home life situations

You shouldn’t really bring too much of your personal life into the workplace, no matter how close you feel to your work husband or wife. If you end up telling them every last detail about your real relationship, this could be crossing a line.

There is nothing wrong with bonding, but try to keep it light and fun. Have other friends outside work to rely on for the deep and meaningful stuff.

5. Don’t spend too much time alone

If you and your work spouse always sneak off together, you set tongues wagging. It’s much better to socialize as a group too!

6. Don’t flirt

A work husband or wife is a friend. It’s important to recognize that and not blur the lines. It can be nice to get the attention of someone other than your partner, but by flirting with your work spouse, you give off signals you shouldn’t. It potentially leads to somewhere pretty dangerous. [Read: How to have a perfectly platonic relationship]

7. Talk about your real partner and introduce them to one another

If your work spouse and your partner know each other, this makes life easier and also keeps those boundaries really clear.

8. If feelings develop, create some distance

Spending so much time with a person who you really like can lead to feelings developing which can be very confusing. If you feel as though you developed feelings like sexual attraction or something much deeper for your work husband or wife, give yourself a breather. Remember that your loyalty should be with your real spouse and not with your male or female co-worker.

9. Don’t talk too much about your work spouse at home

It’s pretty annoying for your real partner to hear you bang on about how great someone else is all the time. So, try and keep your praise to a minimum! [Read: 18 signs you’re emotionally attached to your work spouse and don’t know it]

10. Avoid alcohol

It’s fine to enjoy some after-work drinks from time to time, but getting really drunk together could lead to crossing the line. Then, there is no going back!

11. Keep your relationship drama free

A work husband or wife shouldn’t be someone you have a big dramatic relationship with, nor should it be too intense even when you have some disagreements at times. Keep drama out of your working friendships. [Read: Platonic rules to just be friends minus the drama]

12. Make sure your relationship develops for the right reasons

If you find yourself getting really close to someone at work, it is a good idea to just check in with yourself and make sure it’s just because you enjoy their company and they make your working days a bit more fun. 

If it’s because things aren’t right in your relationship at home, then you need to address this. Don’t use your work spouse as a way of fixing things or gaining some relief.

By following the tips above, you make sure you keep a healthy work-spouse relationship while not affecting your real relationship back home. [Read: Platonic friends – how to be platonic friends without sexual drama]

Signs that your partner might be cheating on you with their work husband or wife

Maybe it’s not you who has the work spouse, but rather your own spouse that does. If that’s true, you might be a little *or a lot* uncomfortable with the situation. What if they get too close to each other? What are the signs that you should be concerned about? 

One or two of the below signs shouldn’t be overly troubling, but more than a few might be a reason to worry. These signs, though not definitive, may clue you in on whether or not your partner’s relationship with his or her work husband or wife is more than what it seems.

1. Your partner suddenly starts spending long hours at work

 This is one of those things that can creep up on you – especially if your partner is usually a workaholic.

However, if you slowly start seeing your partner’s workdays lengthen, it could mean something is awry. [Read: Signs your partner’s coworker is too close for comfort]

Maybe their workload is increasing… but maybe they’re spending a little more time with their work partner than they should. And that means that they’re choosing time with their work husband or wife over time spent with you.

2. Your partner’s phone becomes off limits

Does your partner snatch their phone away when you pick it up? Has your partner installed any “messaging apps” like Snapchat? It could be a way to hide their communications from you. They may assume that you won’t figure it out.

Another way that your partner may try to hide things from you is by setting it so that their text messages don’t show up as an alert. On iPhones and most Android phones, a text message will usually show the message itself.

If the message alert box pops up with just “text message” when it didn’t before, you know your partner set it to hide the message. It may be time to start asking some questions. [Read: 18 sneaky ways you can catch a cheating partner]

3. Your partner has in-jokes with their work husband or wife that they can’t even explain to you

Sometimes a joke is just a joke. But here’s the problem: “It’s just a joke” is an easy way to write off things that are massively inappropriate. It also means that they don’t value you enough to even try to explain something that they find funny.

Don’t buy the “it’s just a joke” excuse. Have your partner explain it to you. If you don’t get it, then you don’t get it. But at least you know that they’re willing to try rather than just write you off.

4. Your partner starts taking all of their lunches with their work spouse

The whole point of a work “spouse” is to have someone who has your back in a stressful work environment. Someone to vent to who understands. So, taking a lunch break or two with them is fine. [Read: Opposite sex friendships – 24 rules, boundaries, and where we go wrong]

But when all of your partner’s lunches are exclusively with their office husband or wife, it’s an entirely different situation. Aren’t their work hours enough to encompass whatever needs to be discussed? 

Why is the work spouse invading your partner’s lunch hour? Is that much time together even healthy? Your partner has some explaining to do.

5. Your partner doesn’t want you to meet their work husband or wife

This is an obvious red flag – but it may not be for the reasons you think. It’s not just that they’re hiding you from the work spouse or vice versa. It’s that they’re hiding themselves from their work husband or wife. [Read: Emotional cheating vs. friendship – the point when a line is crossed]

When a person is attracted to someone, they present their “best self,” which is a sort of congratulatory fiction that makes them seem fantastic. They want to keep that fiction up, and they don’t want you to see them acting more charming, witty, and cultured than they ordinarily would. 

In short, you might catch on to the fact that your partner is acting completely different around their work spouse, and not in an entirely professional manner, to boot.

6. Your partner stops mentioning you on Facebook

Some people don’t use Facebook a lot. That’s not a bad thing. But if your spouse’s Facebook activity has drastically changed in recent months, you should be worried. [Read: Social media and relationships – the good, the bad, and the ugly]

Did your spouse stop tagging you in photos? Instead of saying “out to dinner with the wife,” are they just saying “out to dinner?” An omission can still be a lie.

This is extremely common when a partner is feigning a bad relationship with their spouse. Your partner could be telling their work spouse that your marriage is falling apart or that they barely get time to see you. They could even be convincing the work spouse that you’re separated!

7. Your partner and their work husband or wife have “their own friends” 

Once your partner starts going out with their work spouse and not including you, usually because “it’s all people from work,” you’ve been cut out of a huge portion of their life. And it’s time to find out why. [Read: Tips to be good friends with your coworkers]

It’s perfectly fine for someone to want to go out and leave their wife or husband at home sometimes. But there should be a standing invite open. If you want to go out with them and their friends, why should your partner prevent you from doing so?

If they’re reluctant to include you in their social life, your partner may be preventing a meeting between you and the work spouse *see #5*, he or she doesn’t want to include you in the circle of friends that includes the work spouse, or something incredibly fishy is up! [Read: Types of friends you want to keep away from your partner]

8. Your partner and their work husband or wife have more of a history than they initially let on

When “Kate from accounting” becomes “Kate from accounting… who I also went to high school with,” it’s a huge red flag. If your spouse omitted something big about their past history with this person, it’s because it’s important. Don’t buy that it’s “no big deal” or that it “slipped their mind.” This is never true.

After all, your partner is spending their entire day with this person. Their past history is bound to come up. The only reason a partner would fail to mention it is because they purposely omitted this information in the hope that you’ll never find out. [Read: Sure ways to know if you’re dating a cheater]

9. Your partner starts taking an interest in new hobbies, music, movies, and events that they were never interested in before

Do you remember the last time you started picking up new interests all of a sudden? It’s usually when you first start dating someone new. Picking up new interests is a way to bond with a new love interest. It’s a way for your spouse to seem more interesting to their new flame.

Now, if your wife suddenly takes up an interest in knitting because it calms her down, that’s one thing. But if your wife suddenly starts taking up an interest in EDM and then casually drops that her work spouse DJs as a hobby, that’s something else entirely. [Read: 18 signs your partner is having an emotional affair]

That means that your spouse is spending their time trying to become more interesting to another person.

10. Your partner starts becoming enmeshed in their work husband or wife’s personal issues

Is their work spouse going through an unpleasant divorce? Dealing with problems with their kids? Dealing with a ton of debt?

This is a sign that their relationship has gone beyond the office and is now extending into day-to-day life. Why is that bad? Because that’s what you’re there for. 

Your spouse should be talking to you about their personal issues, and their “work spouse” should be talking to their husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, or family. 

Once it moves beyond a work relationship, there may be a degree of emotional investment involved. [Read: Emotional cheating and the things it can do to you]

11. Your partner trash talks their work husband or wife incessantly

Do you feel okay about your partner’s work wife because he says she’s “fat?” Or maybe you’re OK with your partner’s work husband because he’s “incredibly stupid?”

Trash talking a work spouse is often used as a distancing mechanism. A partner may sense that they are getting too close to their work spouse and start using distancing language to indicate that they really don’t like that person all that much.

But obviously, you’re not stupid. If this person was really as unintelligent, irritating, or unappealing as your partner says, why would they be spending so much of their free time with them? This is a huge red flag: the negativity is hiding something else that’s there. [Read: 22 practical ways to save your relationship when it’s falling apart]

12. Your partner becomes suspicious of your work friends

If your partner is having an inappropriate relationship with their work spouse, they’ll magically become very suspicious and jealous of any of your colleagues. This is because they may think that you are doing what they are doing. Heightened jealousy is just another sign of cheating – in any situation.

It isn’t overly controlling behavior to ask your spouse to take a step away from someone that they are spending way too much time with. 

The entire concept of a “work husband” or “work wife” already toes the line of acceptability in a relationship. If your spouse doesn’t want to give up the comfort of their work partner for your comfort, something is already wrong. [Read: How to deal with jealousy in a relationship and learn to overcome it]

What to do when your real husband or wife feels insecure about your work spouse

If you are the one who has a work spouse, your real partner might be very insecure about their counterpart. If you show any of the signs we just discussed, then it’s time that you make it right with your real romantic partner. Here are some things you can do to make them feel better.

1. Introduce them to one another

One of the reasons your real partner might be jealous is because they have never met your work husband or wife. They might feel like you are keeping them a secret, and for good reason. So, if you introduce the two of them, then they will probably feel comfortable enough and even get along with one another.

2. Give them reassurance 

Talk to your partner about your work spouse. If you don’t, their imagination might run wild and think that you are having an affair. So, give them reassurance that this isn’t true. Let them know how much you love them and that you aren’t going anywhere. [Read: Attachment styles theory – 4 types and 19 signs and ways you attach to others]

3. Spend less time with your work spouse

You might not mean to spend so much time with your work husband or wife, but maybe you do accidentally. So, be mindful of how much time and attention you are taking away from your real romantic partner. Spend more time with them and less time with your work spouse.

4. Prioritize your partner over your work husband or wife

Sure, work is important. But it shouldn’t be so important that it takes over your personal time. So, if you find that you are talking to or seeing your work spouse outside of normal work hours, stop doing that. Make your real partner your top priority, and let them know through your actions.

5. Establish boundaries with your work spouse

This one is very important. Set up rules for both of you to follow. For example, there should be certain times that they can and can’t text or call you – like after 8:00 p.m. 

Or you can’t go out together after work and only hang out at lunchtime. Whatever both of you see as reasonable, those are the boundaries you should set and follow.

[Read: Ways to keep flirting at work harmlessly innocent and fun]

There is no problem with having a work husband or wife. In fact, there can be lots of benefits. But if it’s not kept completely platonic, then you and our work spouse might need to take a step back and follow our rules. 

The post Work Husband & Wife: 49 Work Spouse Signs You’re Too Close & Rules to Follow is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

In Love with Two People at the Same Time? 16 Subtle Signs to Make a Choice

Is it possible to be in love with two people at the same time? Many say you can. Here’s how to choose the one to be with without hurting them or yourself.

Is it possible to feel in love with two different people? The simple answer … Yes. We’ve seen enough rom-coms throughout the years to know that for sure!

It is possible to love two people. It may not be very common, but it is something that happens. There is so much love inside of you, no wonder you find yourself falling for more than one person! The same way you love all the members of your family with plenty of room left over, romantic love isn’t so different. 

But is the love you feel for these two people the same?

The majority of our monogamous society tells us to only be in love with one person, and for many of us, that works out. But being in love with two people happens far more often than you think. And due to societal norms and our own desires, loving two people often leads to heartbreak for one or both. [Read: Seriously, can someone define monogamy?]

How can you fall in love with multiple people simultaneously?

Seriously, how do you fall in love with two people? How do you love one person and continue to love another? 

Well, as you may know, passionate love isn’t something you can control. You don’t decide who you fall in love with. It is right there in the phrase itself. You are “falling” in love, which means you fall without control.

Most people don’t plan on falling in love with multiple partners unless they are polyamorous, but it does happen. How? You don’t usually meet someone and feel like you’re in love with them right off the bat. You get to know them and form feelings for them over time.

That can happen in so many ways. [Read: What is polyamory, and why are more people switching to it?]

You could be in a stable and loving relationship when you meet a coworker who makes you laugh. Even if it is totally innocent, you spend time together and form a bond. You fall in love without ever planning to.

Or you are in love with your ex. You could have broken up months ago but still carry those feelings with you when you meet someone new and start falling for them. Or you could be casually in a relationship with both people and fall for both of them at the same time. [Read: Are you still in love with your ex?]

Because we are so conditioned toward monogamy being the only type of romantic love, it seems so shocking and wrong to be in love with two people. But it actually makes sense once you think about it.

Don’t compare the two

Most people who fall in love with someone new start comparing the new flame to their older lover. And almost always, they assume the new love interest is sexier, more loving, and more caring. But is that really true?

Remember, sexual passion may fizzle out as the years go by, but true love matures into a happy relationship.

On the other hand, a new person may excite you and remind you of your earlier years in love, but you have to realize that the lusty excitement of the new relationship will only last for a few months or years. This is referred to as the honeymoon phase.

So if you ever have to compare your lovers, compare them for compatibility, say, of your goals and values, instead of the passion. After all, there are always ways to bring back sexual chemistry, even in an older relationship. [Read: Lust vs love – What it is and how to compare them with each other]

Facts about loving two different people simultaneously

Attraction is a tough concept to analyze objectively. So let us tell you what goes on when you’re attracted to multiple people simultaneously.

1. Being attracted to two people isn’t a crime

When they both ask for exclusivity or a commitment, and you agree to both, that’s when the line between right and wrong starts to get blurry.

If you drew a straight line and made it clear from the beginning of the relationship that you feel you may be polyamorous and both of you are okay with open relationships, then you can have feelings for someone else. [Read: How to get over a crush and have fun doing it]

2. When you’re not committed to either of them, you’ll find yourself seeking both their attention

The problem with this is that it can be exhausting trying to attract the attention of two people who may want completely different things.

3. You’ll be confused about what you really want in a person

It’s confusing when you find yourself feeling a strong feeling for multiple people who are complete opposites.

It can start to make you wonder which traits you’re genuinely attracted to and which traits you’re just tolerating in favor of other traits. [Read: What girls find attractive – 49 traits that make a guy irresistible to women]

4. Your original relationship may struggle because you crave the presence of the other person

That sort of thinking is what leads to cheating. When you fall for someone else and crave their presence, you’re never happy with what you’ve got.

5. You will probably feel guilty all the time

Whether you’re with one or the other, you’ll feel guilty about the person you’re not with at that time. You’ll probably also simply feel guilty for feeling this way.

After all, we’re told that having more than one partner and loving both people isn’t possible. [Read: Feel guilty all the time? How to find the cause and get rid of it]

If you are in love with more than one person, you have to make a choice… but how?

We have briefly made the case that it is totally acceptable to feel love for two people, and it is. But, not all people find this to be the case. In some circumstances, you may need to pick one person you truly love.

It isn’t feasible to maintain feelings for two people if you are in a romantic relationship with one and not the other. If you are dating someone but are still in love with an ex, it is pretty clear that you will try to get over your ex and have a successful relationship. But not every situation is so clear-cut.

Maybe you have the choice of two people. Or you don’t know if you should stay with your current partner or date the other person you love. Maybe you don’t know who you want to have a committed relationship with. Or perhaps you love one person more than the other.

How can you avoid picking one? It’s just not possible in the end. Let’s look at a few questions and points you need to mull over when making your ultimate choice. [Read: How to pick one person when you’re in love with two]

1. Do not make a pros and cons list

Trying to figure out who you love more or who you want to choose when you feel an intimate connection with two people is not an equation.

It comes down to how you feel, not how they add up on paper. This will only end up making you more confused. [Read: These tips will help you transform your love life]

2. Ask yourself if you’re truly in love

Love means something different to each and every one of us. But think critically about your multiple romantic relationships. Is it really romantic love you’re feeling? Love most often comes with a romantic connection, sexual chemistry, and attraction. 

Sexual passion and lust can often feel so overwhelming we believe it is love when it isn’t. Do you have that balance with both of these people, or is one part of love outweighing the others?

3. Who are you yourself with?

You could have a wonderful time with both people you love. One could bring out your intellectual side while the other makes you laugh like no one else, but there is one that you feel more at home with.

Instead of looking at their qualities, look at how they make you feel. Who makes you feel the most confidence in yourself? Think about your feelings on these scenarios; which person makes you feel like you want to be the best version of yourself? While both of them might be great persons, you’re surely leaning more toward someone more than the other. [Read: 20 questions to help you choose between two people]

4. Who do you want around when times are good and bad?

This is a big question but could be the one that gives you your answer.

When something great happens, like a promotion at work, who is the first person you want to share that with? Who do you want there when you celebrate? And equally as important, who do you want by your side when things aren’t going well?

Who will stay by your side when the chips are down? And who do you want to turn to at the end of a bad day? This is the person you are already leaning towards but just weren’t aware of. [Read: The signs you have found the one who completes you]

5. Does one person distract you from life?

When you love someone, you have probably spent a decent amount of time with them. When you’re with them, do you shut out the rest of the world? Do you ignore your phone and enjoy your time?

This can feel like love, and it may even be, but is that really sustainable in the long term? Do you want to spend your life with someone that distracts you from the everyday picture or someone that makes everyday annoyances better or even enjoyable? [Read: Here’s how to pick between two guys when you just can’t make up your mind]

6. Is either person right for you?

Just because you are in love doesn’t mean either person is your person. It can seem wrong not to pick one person when you know you love both, especially if they love you back. But, making a choice between two people you love isn’t about what is right and wrong or fair.

When it comes to love, there really is no right or wrong, but you do need to use common sense occasionally. 

7. Do you think you can be truly happy if you don’t choose one of them?

If your answer is, “I’ll find a way,” then you’re asking the wrong questions here. If you never plan on choosing just because you think you can control the situation, then good luck with that!

Dating two people at the same time is only okay if everyone agrees to it, but that rarely lasts. Sooner or later, everyone’s instincts will kick in, and you’ll see that seeing other people is simply a temporary fix to a bigger problem – your indecisiveness. [Read: How to be happy in life – hacks to find real happiness instantly]

8. Think about what is complicating your choice

Are you afraid to lose one of them forever? Perhaps you’re scared that you might be making the wrong choice. Are you being fair to both of them? Do you want them both, regardless of whether it’s right or wrong?

Whatever it is that’s stopping you, always remember that your decision affects everyone. You’re not just hurting one person. You’re actually hurting three, and that includes yourself.

9. If you weren’t scared of making a choice, what would you do?

What if there were no consequences? What if the relationship you chose was perfect, and the other person became a good friend of yours? Who would you choose?

Sometimes, the answers will come to you when you remove all of the fears and the negative assumptions that are crowding your mind. [Read: Secret to happiness – The uncomplicated guide for a happy life]

10. Are they happy with the situation?

When all you do is think of how your decision affects you, you start to forget that there are two other people involved. Have you considered what they want and need? What if they’re tired of waiting and are too hurt to understand why you keep holding them at arm’s length?

If you’re dating both of them, don’t you think one or both of them will wonder if they’re not good enough for you? The worst that could happen is when they both realize that you’re just treating them like options. [Read: 20 relationship problems that push a couple apart or bring them closer]

11. Ask whether you’re selfless enough to let one of them go

It’s difficult for a relationship with someone to grow when one of you is not fully invested. Neither of them will be happy with a long-term arrangement wherein they’re keeping themselves exclusively for you while you’re not invested in one person only.

When you continue to date both of them at the same time, you’ll end up fueling conflicts and jealousy on both sides. However, if you decide to be honest with the people involved and choose just one, you may only end up temporarily hurting one of them with your honesty, while the one you chose will end up being happy with you.

Isn’t the latter situation a lot less complicated and, ultimately, more favorable? [Read: Help! I’m in love with my boyfriend’s best friend]

Making your choice is the only way to be free 

The most important thing to remember when you’re faced with loving two people at once is that you make a decision in the end. If the love is platonic, e.g. it’s a friendship and nothing sexual or romantic, then there could be a case for not choosing. But how would your partner feel about that? 

Never keep two people around because you can’t decide. It’s not fair to either person. For sure, you might be confused, but even if you love each person for different reasons, you can only actually be with one of them.

Can you still be around the other person?

You can be friends. That may be difficult if you have feelings for them, but anything else could lead you towards potential cheating over time. Never allow your feelings, whether you want to admit them or not, to hurt your actual partner.

If you find that thinking about what you want and coming up with a logical choice is impossible, you can seek the opinion of a relationship expert or a relationship coach to see what they have to say.

[Read: How to find true love – 20 foolproof lessons you need to learn]

So are you in love with two people at the same time? How are you dealing with it? Or what are the consequences of it?

The post In Love with Two People at the Same Time? 16 Subtle Signs to Make a Choice is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

Emotional Affair: What It Is, 48 Secret Signs, 7 Infidelity Stages & What To Do

Do you know the difference between regular cheating and emotional cheating? Physical affairs are one thing, but if feelings are involved, it’s far worse. 

What is an emotional affair? And what are the signs of an emotional affair? Well, it isn’t cheating in the classic sense, but it is still a big problem. Looking out for these signs can help you figure out if either your partner or you yourself are emotionally cheating so that you can work on your relationship *if that’s the route you want to go down*.

These days, as close as two lovers may be, they can’t be by each other’s side all the time. Other than the weekends, most lovers spend a big part of their day away from each other. That leaves many of us with unfulfilled needs.

As humans, we have a need to feel loved and appreciated wherever we are. That can mean we look for that fulfillment and emotional support at work or school. The good times you share with your friends and colleagues may be one of the biggest reasons why you enjoy going to work.

But, when that enjoyment gets out of hand, it can lead to an emotional affair. You don’t want that, especially if you want your relationship to work. Thus, here are the things that you need to know about emotional affairs. [Read: How do affairs start? The ways they play out in real life]

What is an emotional affair?

To understand why an emotional affair is wrong, or why it even happens, we need to understand what it means to be in an emotional affair.

An emotional affair is nonsexual. It may move to that sexual stage, but in essence, an emotional affair is a deep and intimate connection you have with someone outside of your relationship. This connection is deeper than a regular friendship and is on par with, if not deeper than, the connection you have with your partner.

You share secrets, look forward to spending time together, and talk about what’s on your mind. The problem is, you’re not doing that with your partner; you’re saving that time for the other person. [Read: To cheat or not to cheat? A guide to making up your mind]

At first glance, it doesn’t look so bad. But, consider this – your partner is wondering why you’ve suddenly disconnected from them. They’re worried and upset. When they find out, they will feel hurt and betrayed.

That’s why an emotional affair is bad. For many people, an emotional affair is considered worse than having a one-night stand with someone else.

Neither is particularly good, but when feelings are involved, it just goes to another level.  It’ll be difficult to pinpoint when the intimate feelings started, but the people involved in this entanglement will often end up draining their emotional energy. [Read: Dreams about cheating – What they mean and why you don’t have to panic]

What if you suspect your partner is having an emotional affair?

To this point, we’ve talked about emotional affairs and why you might fall into one. But what if you think your partner is having one?

This is tough. It’s upsetting, and it’s going to hurt if you find out that your suspicions are true.

When your partner connects with another person, you feel left out. It’s normal to feel that way if it’s a close friendship and they seem to get along really well, but there’s a line that shouldn’t be crossed. [Read: What is cheating in a relationship? The truth most people ignore]

If your partner is always with this other person, they don’t seem to have boundaries when it comes to them, and you suspect that there is far more going on than just regular friendship, then you need to look out for the emotional affair signs.

That way, you can form a realistic view of what is going on. After all, it’s easy to jump to conclusions.

For many people, their partner cheating sexually is devastating, but when emotions are concerned, it’s ten times more hurtful. Neither situation is great, but when your partner admits that there are feelings involved, it makes you question every single thing about your relationship. [Read: How to trust again and give someone your heart when you’re scared]

Signs of emotional cheating

Whether you want to know if the platonic friendship you’ve formed has crossed the line into emotional affair territory or if you suspect that your partner has connected with someone a little too much, it’s important to know the signs.

1. Different behavior when alone and with others

You’re generally very friendly and touchy with this friend of yours. But subconsciously, both of you keep some distance from each other when your lover is around.

There’s more awkwardness and formality in your conversations when your lover’s by your side. Why? If you don’t have anything to hide, why would your behavior change?

If you notice that your partner is doing this, it’s perhaps something to be a little suspicious of. [Read: How to share a platonic relationship with your friend and prevent it from turning into more]

2. Excitement when the other person is around

A big sign of emotional cheating often includes the excitement of sharing new thoughts or ideas with this friend, be it your review of a movie you just watched or gossip about another coworker or classmate.

If anything interesting happens in your life, they’re the first person you want to share the news with, not your partner.

If your partner seems to always tell the other person important things before you, that’s one of the big signs they’re engaged in emotional cheating. [Read: Is it possible to learn how to regain trust after cheating?]

3. A need to stay in touch

Do you ever feel incomplete or like something’s missing when you don’t speak to your friend or text them for a day or two?

Even when you’re on vacation, do your thoughts drift and leave you wondering what your friend is up to *or worse, you wish they were around*? We all think of our loved ones when they aren’t around, but if thinking of them is distracting you, it could signify that you have already made an emotional investment in that person.

Similarly, if you know your partner is always talking to this other person, either by voice calls or messages, you know deep down that it’s crossing a line. [Read: How to get over trust issues in your relationship and move forward]

4. Secrets shared

Do you share your innermost secrets with this friend? You may be confiding in someone about your personal problems that even your partner doesn’t know about. And the weird thing, it makes you feel good to share such intimate details with your friend.

At times, the idea of sharing a new secret may even excite you or make you feel more connected to each other. This is not a good sign if you are confiding solely in this person, even about your partner.

Obviously, being comfortable sharing information like this with somebody else instead of wanting your partner to know about them is a type of infidelity. But, if you hear things on the grapevine that have got out via this other person, that’s a pretty solid tick in the box. [Read: How to forgive a cheater – questions to face the betrayal]

5. A need for their attention

You get annoyed if you call your friend up late one night and realize they’re busy on another call with someone else. Maybe you find yourself feeling jealous if they date someone else or speak highly about someone else to you.

You’re not dating each other, but both of you like getting each other’s attention. There could be some deniability that it was just an infatuation versus emotional cheating, but it could be something more. You’ll be able to see this in your partner if you suspect that there is something more to the friendship they have with this other person. [Read: How to handle a coworker crush like a real adult]

6. It’s an addiction

Your attraction to this new person feels like an addiction. Both of you feel really happy to meet each other after a long weekend. And you feel like you’ve missed out on a good time if you don’t get to spend some time talking to this friend. In essence, you always yearn for closeness with this person.

If you miss this person more than you miss your partner when you’re not together, that’s a sign your friendship is bordering on the edge of an emotional affair. [Read: What should you do when you start liking someone else?]

7. Arousal

Do you get easily aroused when you’re having a conversation about sex with this friend?

If you feel good talking about your own intimate sexual details with your friend and it somehow arouses you, there’s clearly an emotional affair in the making already. And chances are, it will lead to something more as well.

Though it’s not always the case, an emotional affair may involve sex. However, if your partner has started changing their appearance or seems to take a lot more care than they normally would, that’s something to consider. [Read: How to rebuild trust after even the worst type of betrayal]

8. Sexual tension

There’s a lot of sexual tension in the air. Even when both of you sit close to each other, you can clearly sense every part of your body that is touching each other.

We all find people attractive, but when that goes beyond, and there already is some sexual attraction that makes you question or doubt your primary relationship, it could be a sign of an emotional affair and more. [Read: 20 strong signs of sexual tension to know if you make each other horny]

9. Regular flirting

Both of you don’t always realize it, but there are a lot of flirty conversations when both of you share a moment, and there’s no one around. Other people around you may even comment on how in sync or cozy you seem. People could even mistake you for a couple.

Do you notice a slight undercurrent of flirting when you hear your partner on the phone with the person they swear is just a friend? Let’s be honest; they sound like more than just friends, right? [Read: 25 obvious flirting signs between a guy and a girl]

10. A need to make a good impression

If you always find yourself dressing up better when you’re meeting up with this friend, it is a sign that you have some deeper and more problematic emotional ties to this friend.

You may not consciously see this as a sign of an inappropriate emotional affair in the making, but you always try to look your best when spending time with your friend. Do you touch up your makeup or spray an extra spritz of cologne?

Again, if your partner seems to make more of an effort for their friend than they do for you, perhaps it’s a sign that things have gone a little too far. [Read: The most common yet painful types of cheating in a relationship]

11. Compliments

If you’re showing signs of an emotional affair with a friend, big chances are you take their compliments pretty seriously.

If your friend tells you that you look prettier with your hair styled a particular way or that red looks beautiful on you, you feel butterflies in your stomach. And you follow up by wearing your hair that way or wearing red more often.

If you suspect your partner is having an emotional affair, you might notice that they tell you about a particular compliment several times. For instance, maybe the person told them their hair looks good a certain way. They let it be known, and they change their hair. [Read: What is micro-cheating and signs you’re unintentionally doing it without realizing it]

12. A secret soulmate?

This affair partner of yours understands you better than anyone else in the whole world. And you respect your friend’s advice more than you care about your own partner’s.

This is usually a temporary fluke because something in your relationship isn’t quite right. But feeling like this is a major sign of an emotional affair.

13. Sacrifices are made

You’d be willing to sacrifice the big things just to make more time for your friend. You could stay up the whole night just to talk to your friend after your partner’s asleep. Or you could leave your place and head to work an hour early so you can spend more time with your friend.

Similarly, does your partner cancel dates, or do you find them sitting up in the night on their phone? Ask yourself why. [Read: Understanding your mind – To cheat or not to cheat?]

14. Together time

You spend more time with someone else than you spend time with your own partner.

And even if your partner tries to communicate with you, you subconsciously push them away because you’d prefer to have intellectual conversations only with your friend. If it’s your partner you suspect to be having an emotional affair, look at whether the amount of time you normally spend together has dropped.

15. Fantasies

Your friend pops into your sexual fantasies all the time. You’re imagining the things that you can do if you are alone together.

You may be having sex with your own partner, but somehow, you can’t stop thinking about how amazing it would be to make love to your friend. This is a big sign of an emotional affair and should really push you to take action. [Read: In a relationship, but you like someone else? What you MUST know right now]

16. Downplaying

Whenever you speak about this friend with your partner, you talk about this friend like they’re not important at all. You try not to speak about this friend with your partner, or you portray your friend as someone insignificant in your life.

Additionally, you make a conscious effort to downplay your friend’s role in your life, and you try hard not to bring up this person’s name while in conversation with your partner.

As the suspicious partner, you know in your gut something isn’t right. [Read: Gaslighting – What it is, how it works, and 22 signs to spot it ASAP]

17. A secret wish

Even if you’re in a long-term relationship with your partner, you spend a lot of time secretly wondering about how your life could have been if you and your friend had met earlier, before you started dating your partner.

If you think your partner is far too close to another person, you’ll be able to see if they start taking you for granted. This treatment will usually start when this person enters their life. [Read: Does everyone secretly get sexually attracted to others when they’re in a relationship?]

18. Talk of partners

You and your friend avoid talking about each other’s partners too much. And even if one of you talks about your own lovers, it’s only for a few minutes before the conversation gets back to flirty talk or how nice both of you feel talking to each other and having each other as such good friends.

It’s a subtle way of reassuring each other that even though both of you are in relationships with other people, there’s still something magical about your emotional relationship. [Read: How to fall out of love when you see no future]

19. Defensiveness

Not only do you downplay your relationship with this person, but you outright deny it. You may even get angry if your partner asks about them. Even a simple question about how they’re doing might set you off because you are on edge.

When you know you’re doing something wrong, you’re sensitive about the topic and lash out.

So, if your partner becomes very defensive when you bring this person up, you know why. [Read: Why do people get defensive?]

20. Overdoing it

A major sign of an emotional affair is going overboard, denying that anything is going on. You don’t just get mad or downplay it. You may actually mock or make fun of this friend in front of your partner. You say they are gross, or weird, or needy, just so your partner believes you don’t find them attractive.

And this can add to your guilt because you actually like this person, so not only are you lying to your partner, but you are saying cruel things about the person you have feelings for. [Read: How to stop lying to yourself and your partner]

21. Inappropriate talking

You may not have cheated physically, but an emotional affair can come with certain other inappropriate moments. Calling this person pet names like baby or sweetheart can take things to a new level.

You aren’t just harmlessly flirting anymore. You consider this person a big part of your life and view them as a partner, even if in secret.

22. Ignoring your relationship

A subtle sign of an emotional affair doesn’t always have to be about the affair but also about your relationship. You may be putting more energy into this other person than your partner. Instead of trying to fix things, you would rather hang out with this other person and put effort into that because it is new and exciting.

You are pulling away from your relationship, but you barely notice because you have another person occupying your time and filling that void. As the partner who is potentially being cheated on, you’ll feel a major disconnect and change.

23. Oddly happy

Even though your relationship is falling through the cracks, you aren’t upset. You don’t feel like you’re losing something because you’ve gained something else. You are happy with this emotional affair and have sort of forgotten your actual relationship.

If you are having problems in your relationship or even if other aspects of your life, which you probably are, friends might ask you why you seem so giddy and happy all the time. [Read: Emotional cheating and the bad things it can do to you]

24. Secretive

You hide your phone and emails. You don’t want your partner or anyone else scrolling through your photos. When you’re deep in an emotional affair, you may convince yourself you’re doing nothing wrong, but deep down, you know you are, so you hide the evidence.

If your partner is hiding their phone when they don’t normally, or you see a passcode on there when there wasn’t one before, that’s a red flag. Secrecy is largely involved in an emotional affair!

Now, let’s look at a few others signs from the cheated-on partner’s side that really highlight the possibility of an emotional affair going on …

25. They develop a sudden friendship with someone new

This is not a red flag, but it is an easy way to know who your partner might be having an emotional affair with. If your partner has met someone who you think is a possible candidate for a relationship, had your partner been single, then it’s okay to watch over them.

Just remember not to suffocate your partner or start accusing them of something you’re not sure of. [Read: What to do about that nagging cheating suspicion]

26. They prefer talking to that person about their feelings

If your partner is talking about personal things with someone else and refusing to talk about them with you, no matter what, it’s possible that they might be engaging in an emotional affair.

27. They use that person’s opinion against you

Their decisions about your relationship are influenced by someone else’s point of view. You’ll find your partner comparing how this new person thinks to how you approach your relationship. They will express how highly they think of this person as opposed to your own faults and shortcomings. [Read: 18 critical signs of an unhealthy relationship]

28. They go on “dates”

Hanging out is different from dating. When we say dates, we mean a get-together scheduled for the purpose of talking. People do not plan these types of things with people who are not their friends.

If your partner is seeing someone for coffee or drinks “just to talk,” it might be a sign that your partner is engaging in said affair.

29. They generally look guilty

When you confront them about it, they don’t look or act innocently enough. They know they’re not doing anything wrong, but their gut instincts are telling them otherwise.

This will be reflected in the way they talk or act when confronted with the idea of an emotional affair. [Read: What should you do about that nagging cheating suspicion]

30. They seem happier when they’re with the other person

If you get the chance to observe your partner with this person, try to compare it with how they treat you or your friends. If something doesn’t look or feel right, you need to talk to your partner about it. People in emotional affairs tend to look like they’re in love, even when they swear that they’re not.

31. It just doesn’t feel right to you

Trust your gut instincts. Don’t act rashly, but do take the time to think about how you feel and what you plan to do with it.

A harsh confrontation will just push your partner away, so try to think of a plan that will allow you to express your feelings without insisting to your partner that you’re right. Give them a chance to explain, and then you can decide what to do next. [Read: Online cheating and how people cheat without realizing it]

7 stages of emotional affairs to look out for

The number of emotional affairs which end in divorce is pretty depressing. That really does show you how difficult this type of situation is to overcome as a couple. 

So, what leads to that point? What are the key things to be aware of? What are those deadly stages of emotional affairs so you can know for sure just how deep in you already are? Read on to know them all.

Stage 1 – They feel unappreciated or not good enough 

The first stage of an emotional affair is usually when one partner feels somehow unappreciated in the relationship. They may also feel like they’re not playing their part or providing as much as they should.

This inadequacy can cause problems to crop up, and it can cause them to turn on their partner, perhaps with resentment starting to boil to the surface. [Read: Are you happy? How to spot the subtle signs of resentment in a relationship]

Stage 2 – The sex goes out of the relationship 

Okay, so sex isn’t the be-all and end-all, but it is an important way for a couple to stay connected. Of course, that doesn’t mean you need to drop everything and be available every time your partner wants sex. But, you do need to make sure that, as a couple, you’re focusing on sexual intimacy as one of your top priorities.

In this stage, one partner feels that they aren’t getting enough sex within the relationship, and they feel deprived. 

As a result, your spouse may go looking for it somewhere else. Unfortunately, that can lead them towards an emotional connection instead. [Read: The lack of sex in a relationship – Why it happens & what it means]

Stage 3 – You start to feel like best friends rather than romantic partners

It happens to the best of us at some point, but it’s vital that you spot the signs and do something about them before problems arise. If your romantic relationship has become boring, if you feel like siblings or friends, then it’s important that you try and spice things up and reconnect.

Usually, emotional affairs start when the romance goes out of the relationship. You’re left just co-existing in the same space. Try date nights or heating things up. Just remember that you’re supposed to be connected on a deeper emotional and sexual level. [Read: 15 common reasons why almost all couples end up getting bored with each other]

Stage 4 – One partner is too busy for the other one

We need to make time for one another. If one partner feels like the other one doesn’t have time for them when they want to talk or they want to do something together, they’re going to become fed up pretty quickly.

Without a doubt, one of the most hurtful stages of emotional affairs is when a partner wants to talk, but they’re not heard. Perhaps they’re going through a hard time, but they can’t find that support from their partner. 

When this happens, they seek this support from another person, albeit completely innocently at first. But an emotional connection is formed. [Read: How do guys get emotionally attached? 11 ways a woman can draw him in in no time]

Stage 5 – One partner is demanding too much of the other

We all go through stressful times in life, and it can often lead us to shut off from our partners. If the other partner is complaining about it, making demands, and not being understanding of what they might be going through, this can easily lead to a major rift.

It’s vital that you check in with each other frequently and make time to talk. Avoid placing unnecessary demands on your partner. Instead, work towards achieving things together.

The problem here is that if someone is already in the middle of an emotional affair, this type of behavior is just going to push them towards the other person even more. They start to feel like it’s not worth it anymore, that they’re getting more understanding from the other person. [Read: 15 reasons and signs why an emotional connection is so important]

Stage 6 – The guilt kicks in

When looking at the stages of emotional affairs, by this point, the other partner likely suspects that something isn’t quite right. This may lead them towards ultimatums or trying to keep their partner with offers of sex, or being clingy.

The partner having the emotional affair feels guilty, and this eats away at them. That leads them towards more arguments. It’s a vicious circle that, unfortunately, only ends in tears. [Read: Emotional cheating and the bad things it can do to a relationship]

Stage 7 – Breaking point 

The final stage is the point when either the partner breaks things off with the person they’ve been seeing and decides to dedicate themselves to their relationship, or they decide to leave the relationship. 

The problem is the damage has already been done, and the road back is extremely long. Can you ever trust your partner again? Can they forgive themselves? You might both wonder whether the entire situation might repeat itself in the future. [Read: Can emotional affairs ever end? The art of breaking this connection]

Many couples choose to try therapy after an emotional affair is over. This can be a mutual thing because the other partner is now aware of what happened. Or, it can be that the person who had the affair feels they need to do this privately in order to process what has happened and focus back on their original relationship. [Read: What makes affairs so hard to end? Reasons that make it really hard]

What should you do if you think your partner is having an emotional affair?

Having emotional intimacy with someone else is not okay. Saying it’s okay is not okay. When you promise your heart to someone, it means that you’re supposed to give them your whole heart. You can share it with your friends and family, but you cannot keep parts of it from your partner while choosing to give it away to somebody else. You wouldn’t like your partner to have an emotionally intimate relationship with someone else, right?

That is why you should act on this issue as soon as possible. No, they haven’t had sex yet. No, they haven’t even kissed or held hands, but physical evidence is not really the marker for emotional affairs. Sooner or later, they will progress from emotional expression to physical intimacy. [Read: Ways to handle a crush when you’re already in a relationship]

Before that happens, here’s what you should do:

1. Call your partner out

Do so calmly and rationally. Don’t lash out, and don’t start pointing fingers. Start by telling them what you think and how you came to this decision.

Use your feelings and the truth that you’ve been keeping inside while watching your partner have an emotional affair. [Read: How to communicate in a relationship – 16 steps to a better love]

2. Explain why an emotional affair is wrong

The most common defense of people in emotional affairs is their insistence that they are not cheating. If you point out the errors in this scenario, they might start to understand that you have a solid case against what’s been going on.

3. Avoid giving ultimatums

You might want to ban them from seeing the other person, but you know that’s not going to work. If your partner is going to end their emotional affair, it has to be because they’ve chosen to. Otherwise, it will only restart again somewhere down the line.

4. Acknowledge what is wrong with the relationship

Because of your partner’s emotional affair, you can now identify what your partner is getting out of their relationship with another person. Whatever it is that makes them happy with that person may be what’s making them unhappy with you. [Read: How to end an affair and get over it completely]

Your partner may not be receiving it from you, or they may feel that it’s not something you’re willing to give. Talking can clear things up, and it starts with identifying the root of your problems.

5. Set an appropriate time to discuss how you can fix things

Don’t push your partner to do whatever it is you need to end the affair. At this point, they are probably confused about the situation. Knowing that you’re against this friendship with another person and it is causing you pain can make them question why you started feeling that way in the first place.

Give them time to assess their feelings so they can approach this with an open mind. [Read: 18 ingenious ways to catch a cheating partner red-handed]

6. If it can’t be fixed, start thinking about your options

There is a chance that talking about it or trying to fix things might not work for you and your partner. You can take more time if you want, but know that when a person’s heart is taking them somewhere else, it’s best to just let them leave… or else you might rip each other’s hearts apart in the process of holding on.

What should you do if you’re having an emotional affair?

If you’re someone who’s cheated on their primary partner, we’re not judging you. Obviously, since you’re reading this, you got yourself into a bit of a sticky situation. You’re emotionally attached to this new person.

If you ask yourself, “do emotional affairs ever stop?” The answer is yes. Is it going to be easy? No. Why? Because you’re basically breaking up with someone you care about. But, you’re not really able to grieve because you have a partner.

Get ready for some hard work; this ain’t gonna be easy.

1. Understand you are cheating

If you didn’t have sex with the person, it doesn’t matter. Many people argue that emotional infidelity is even worse than physical cheating. Why? Because you’re emotionally cheating on your partner.

Your feelings of connection are with someone other than your partner. Thus, you are being unfaithful. This shows the lack of emotional connection to your partner, which is something you need to explore deeper.

2. Not sure if it’s an emotional affair?

It’s tricky when trying to figure out if it’s actually an emotional affair or not. Listen, if you feel guilty when you’re with the other person or have to be dishonest with your partner about what you’re doing and who you’re seeing, it’s an emotional affair.

Why would you have these feelings if this was just a friend? If it’s a friend, you have nothing to feel guilty or ashamed of. [Read: Lack of communication in relationships – How to fix the issue]

3. Don’t try to rationalize what you’re doing

No one wants to see themselves as someone who cheats. But you cannot try to rationalize what you’re doing.

Own up to the fact that you’re cheating on your partner. You know exactly what you’re doing.

Sure, your partner may not be giving you enough attention or working long hours, but express your feelings to your partner instead of going to someone else for attention. [Read: How to forgive yourself for cheating]

4. Explore why you’re having an emotional affair

Why is this happening in the first place? If everything in your relationship was great, you wouldn’t feel the need to emotionally connect with someone else. The first step in dealing with your emotional affair is understanding why you’re having one.

Sit down with yourself and really think about why you started this emotional affair. What are you not getting from your current relationship? [Read: How to face relationship challenges and overcome them as a couple]

5. What do you want from the other person?

What are you trying to gain from this emotional affair? Do you want to leave your current partner for this person? Do you want to feel validated?

You went into this affair because you are unhappy in your current relationship, but what was the end goal? Now that it’s progressed, what do you really want from this affair?

Do you want to end this in hopes of keeping your current partner, or do you want to end this affair and break up with your partner? Have some self-reflection about how you’d want to move next. [Read: Are you in love with someone else? 15 questions you need to ask yourself]

6. If you want to stay with your partner, cut the affair

You need to end the affair. Now, this can be tricky depending on your relationship with this person. Is this someone you see all the time, work with, etc.? Even so, the best way to end it is to tell them. Don’t ghost them.

They deserve to know why you’re ending this relationship with them. Let them know that you feel you crossed the boundaries and you need to remove yourself from this situation. Now, whether you still want to remain friends with them is your decision. [Read: How to say goodbye to someone you love and find closure and happiness]

7. Understand that it’s going to be emotional

Listen, once you break it off, it isn’t going to be a walk in the park for you. You can think of this as a breakup. You have an emotional bond with someone, and now you’re ending it.

Now, it’s a little tricky because unless you told your partner what happened, you kind of grieve in silence.

If you choose not to tell your partner, then the best way to process this is to seek professional therapy and write your emotions down.

8. Consider whether to tell your partner

We’re not forcing you to tell your partner. What you choose to do is your decision to make. Though if you feel guilty, it may be better to let them know what happened.

After all, they have a right to know what you were doing behind their back. They also have the right to decide whether or not they want to be with someone who did that.

9. Understand that your partner will be hurt

Your partner is going to be hurt, really hurt. The worst thing to do is beg forgiveness from them and suffocate them with your tears. Give them space. They need time to process what happened and figure out the next step.

They’ll come to talk to you when they’re ready, you just need to respect their space. [Read: You only cheated once – Should you confess or just shut up?]

10. Make steps to change your relationship

You’ve talked to your partner, and they’re willing to give the relationship a second chance. Now they probably acknowledge that your relationship wasn’t going down a good path, which is a very good start when it comes to recovering from an emotional affair.

You now need to sit down with your partner and talk openly about the relationship. What needs are not being fulfilled on both sides? Perhaps you need to do something fun together to rekindle the relationship. If you are married, you might want to consider attending marital counseling.

11. Stick to the plan

Making a plan is one thing, but sticking to it is a whole other thing. If one of you is slacking when it comes to meeting those expectations, remind each other.

In that situation, you should evaluate whether or not you both actually want this relationship to work. If not, sit down and talk about it. Maybe it’s better if you both moved on.

Recovering from an emotional affair is a long road

Whether you’re the person who had the emotional affair or it was your partner, the road back is a long one. There is a breach of trust within the relationship, and feelings have been hurt. Repairing will take time and effort on both sides.

Think long and hard about whether this relationship is worth continuing with. If there is any chance the whole situation will repeat itself again in the future, it’s time to move on. However, if you’re both dedicated to making it work, it’s time to sit down and work things out together.

[Read: Should you ever confess to cheating on your partner?]

There are just two things you can do at this crossroads. Break up with your partner, or end the emotional affair. These emotional affair signs don’t lie.

The post Emotional Affair: What It Is, 48 Secret Signs, 7 Infidelity Stages & What To Do is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.