4 Types of Introverts, What Makes One & Baby Steps to Communicate Better

You might think that an introvert is just a painfully shy person. But there are four types of introverts, and each is complex.

Introverts and extroverts – the two personality types we’ve all heard of so many times.

However, as popular as these two ideas of personality are, you may not even be entirely certain whether you’re an extrovert or an introvert. While this might seem like an easy thing to determine, many of us really toe the line between the two.

In addition to the fact that there are multiple types of introverts, this makes it a tad bit more difficult to define. [Read: Introverts vs. extroverts: Where do you land?]

What is an introvert?

Carl Jung, a widely renowned early 20th-century psychiatrist, coined the terms “introvert” and “extrovert” in the 1920s.

These two personality types are dictated by the way the person spends their energy and recharges it.

Jung defines introversion as having a preference for your inner world. If you’re an introvert, you simply prefer spending your time with your own thoughts or ideas. You recharge your energy by spending time in your inner world or with one or two close friends.

Being introverted does not mean that you’re shy or reclusive, despite the fact that those are the words most commonly associated with introversion.

Of course, that does fit some introverts, but there are so many other types of introversion that it’s impossible to put them all under a single umbrella. [Read: 25 honest self-reflection questions to recognize the real you]

Being introverted just means that you’re reflective. You might find that your energy is more drained in larger social settings, which is where an extrovert will typically find their energy.

What causes introversion?

There are so many ways to argue about where a person’s introversion comes from. Are you born an introvert, or do you become one? Is it genetic? Is it just the luck of the draw?

Neurological research has shown that you are generally born with most of your personality traits in tow.

That means that you’re more introverted or extroverted from the moment that you’re born. Some of your personality traits are largely genetic, so if you come from a long line of introverts, it’s highly unlikely that you’ll be an extrovert.

Even though you’re born with your genes set in place, your environment can still play a huge role in how your personality is formed.

For instance, if you’re generally extroverted as a child, you might develop more introverted tendencies if you’re subject to bullying or an unhappy home life. [Read: Fearful-avoidant attachment style – what it is, 39 signs, & how to deal with it]

Introversion vs. shyness

Make no mistake! Introversion and shyness are absolutely not synonymous.

Introversion is an integral part of your personality. It’s a defined trait. Shyness can be described as an emotion rather than a personality trait more often than not.

Introversion is a preference. It means that you prefer to remain within your inner world or in very small groups. You might be able to socialize and interact pretty easily, but it’s definitely not your preference.

Your feelings toward larger gatherings don’t have anything to do with negative feelings in the same way that shyness does. [Read: 35 best text conversation starters for the shy & socially awkward]

Shyness is a feeling.

If you’re shy, it’s not necessarily that you want to be alone. You might have strong desires to be able to interact with large groups of people, but you feel awkward and don’t want to risk judgment.

Myths about introverts

Nearly every personality type has a stereotype, and they’re not always true. Introverts are not immune to being put in a box. There are several popular myths about introverts that simply aren’t true.

1. They’re shy

As mentioned, introversion and shyness do not go hand in hand.

Not all introverts are shy. Not all shy people are introverts. You can definitely be a shy introvert, but you shouldn’t assume this of all introverted people. [Read: Shy extrovert – what it means, 16 signs, & how they’re not like others]

There are plenty of introverts who are great with social interactions. They seem like they flourish in social situations, but it’s not their preference. It might make them feel a little stressed or tired, but they don’t feel awkward about socializing or dread it because of judgment.

On the other hand, shy people tend to avoid social interactions for fear of them.

2. They can’t be leaders

You might think that every leader must be an extrovert because of their association with outgoing, assertive, and friendly personalities.

Introverts, however, can make excellent leaders.

Introverts are reflectors and thinkers. They typically like to think and rethink, which means that their focus on ideas is unmatched. They’re known to be better listeners, so they’re very likely to drink in ideas from their subordinates. [Read: Tried and tested ways to become a better leader at work]

In addition, the fact that they’re not often as assertive as their extroverted counterparts means that they can be less intimidating and more approachable.

3. They’re hard to get to know

It’s a common misconception that introverts aren’t easy to get to know, but it’s just not true.

The fact of the matter is that introverted people are just more prone to selecting a handful of people to be close to. They don’t necessarily care to have a plethora of friends and, therefore, don’t see the need to open up to everyone they associate with.

The four types of introverts

Too many people believe that an introvert is just an introvert.

Despite that popular concept, there are actually four different types. [Read: What is a social introvert? 17 personality traits that define them]

In 2011, three researchers from Wellesley College developed a study to challenge the idea that introversion is a blanket concept. With their research, they developed the STAR model of introversion and deduced that there are, in fact, four subgroups of introversion: social, thinking, anxious, and restricted.

Each type of introvert has its own special characteristics, methods of socializing, and motivations.

1. The social introvert

Sometimes, it can be difficult to dissect whether you’re an introvert or an extrovert. Maybe you really don’t mind socializing. You might even enjoy it with smaller, more intimate groups of people. But you also know that you really value your time alone and use it to recoup.

If that’s the case, then you very well may be a social introvert.

Basically, social introverts can really enjoy spending time in small groups for social interactions, but when their social juice runs out, they go home and recharge.

They definitely don’t mind social interactions, but they prefer small groups over large parties full of strangers. As long as they can fill their social time with a handful of people or less, they’re good. [Read: These are some ways you can genuinely connect with others]

2. The thinking introvert

Those who sit in the corner of a coffee shop and like to observe others may be considered thinking introverts.

A thinking introvert is often very creative and poetic. They choose to spend time alone and in their mind.

They don’t necessarily avoid social events, but they won’t be the center of attention either. They likely go to social places and spend time in self-reflection while watching those around them. They often end up in writing careers because they’re very creative and observant. [Read: Why introverts are much more than just shy or awkward]

Thinking introverts are known to be quiet geniuses. Their minds often prioritize their own inner workings and imagination, which unintentionally deprioritizes interactions with others.

3. The restrained introvert

Restrained introverts have very distinct and extremely reserved behavior.

They overthink everything they say or do way before they do it because they need to work through every possible outcome. They tend to always be on guard and almost skeptical of the world around them. [Read: Find peace by learning to not overthink]

Restrained introverts are known to be tirelessly thoughtful, responsible, and careful. They don’t love the unpredictable.

4. The anxious introvert

Oftentimes, this type of introvert avoids social interactions because of their own nerves. While it is not always true, many anxious introverts suffer from social anxiety. They often withdraw and are quiet, choosing to stay away from social gatherings.

Anxious introverts stay to themselves because they typically are very self-conscious and not confident in their own skills. [Read: Signs of social anxiety that hold you back & how to overcome it]

They simply know their boundaries, and they don’t enjoy those lines being crossed.

An in-depth look at your personality type

In the 1940s, the mother-daughter duo of Isabel Briggs Myers and Katharine Briggs took what they learned about personality types from Carl Jung and began creating the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, which was first published in 1962.

This personality test is incredibly informative and digs deep to help you fully understand your personality type and the type of people you should build friendships and relationships with.

This test helps you to discover whether you fall more on the introvert or extrovert side of things. It measures your preference in a few other areas and places you within one of sixteen different personality types.

It’s an incredibly interesting tool to get to know yourself a little bit better and can help you understand your own behaviors, decision-making skills, and how to do things a little more effectively for yourself.

Since we are all built differently and shaped based on our experiences and relationships, it can be difficult to understand ourselves and those around us. The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator helps us do just that. [Read: How to really get to know who you are]

Understanding the types of introverts

Not only will the personality test help you better understand the types of introverts, but it will also help you to understand all the different types of personalities.

Sometimes we get frustrated with our peers because they have different morals or ideals than we do. Sometimes our personalities just clash entirely. Understanding these personality traits and why they make us who we are is important. We need to put ourselves in other people’s shoes once in a while.

Before you get annoyed with an anxious introvert because they cancel plans with you at the last minute, consider how they feel. It’s just the way they are. [Read: INTJ personality – 26 traits, weaknesses, tips, & secrets that make them special]

Once we take the time to understand ourselves and our loved ones, bridges are built, and communication barriers crumble.

Self-care tips for all types of introverts

Understanding who you are is so important.

If you can take the time to identify your personality type or which type of introvert you are, you can better equip yourself to cope with the world around you.

1. Self-care tips for social introverts

a. Embrace the introverted nature that requires you to take some time alone to charge your energy.

b. Don’t overexert yourself at an event just to make others happy.

c. Always allocate some time away from all the noise after a long day.

d. Always keep in touch with your family or a small group of friends who understand and accept you for the way you are.

2. Self-care tips for thinking introverts

a. Make time and space to reflect on your thoughts and emotions with journaling. Pursue your hobbies and creativity by developing a schedule you can follow.

b. Leverage your strength, and venture into a career that is perfect for introverts like you.

c. Since you’re always deep in your thoughts, don’t lose touch with reality! Build meaningful relationships to keep you inspired!

3. Self-care tips for restrained introverts

a. Allocate additional time in the mornings so that you have sufficient time to get ready and not get overwhelmed by the hustle and bustle of the day.

b. Spend some me-time toward the end of the day, perhaps with a cup of decaffeinated tea to unwind and de-stress.

c. When communicating your ideas, take your time to organize your thoughts before you begin. Be sure to slow down and take little pauses in between — or take a deep breath if you have to.

d. Cultivate an introvert-friendly lifestyle to reduce stress, and avoid isolating yourself from your family and close friends.

4. Self-care tips for anxious introverts

a. Take note of situations that make you anxious, and read up on ways and methods you can use to manage your anxiety.

b. Prioritize your well-being by exercising, eating a balanced diet, and practicing mindfulness.

c. This may be tough, but always remember that things will be alright in the end. If it’s not alright, it’s not the end.

d. Open up to family and close friends for support and reassurance. Alternatively, you might also seek professional advice from your school counselor, therapist, medical doctor, or psychiatrist.

[Read: How to nip the bad introvert problems in the bud]

Arm yourself with knowledge! Knowing about the different types of introverts can help you understand yourself and those around you.

The post 4 Types of Introverts, What Makes One & Baby Steps to Communicate Better is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

108 Casual-Yet-Deep Questions to Ask a Guy to Get to Know Him in Minutes!

You really like him a lot. But how well do you really know him? Is he a good match for you? Try these questions to ask a guy you like and find out!

Maybe you just met, maybe you work together, or maybe you’ve been dating for a while. Regardless of the situation, the answers to these questions to ask a guy you like WILL help you to find out if he’s right for you.

Let’s be real, we’ve all liked guys we barely know. Whether he is cute, smart, or just checks all your boxes, there are some things you probably want to find out more about before trying to take things further. 

These questions will not only give you a better sense of who he is but help learn more about know about you too. [Read: 71 friendly and funny questions to get to know someone better in a happy way]

These questions to ask a guy you like will help you figure out what you have in common, if you want the same things in the future, whether you’re compatible, and so much more. All just by asking the right kind of harmless and easy questions no one would think twice about answering.

You can even ask these questions to your boyfriend or someone you’re getting serious with. In fact, we recommend it. It is never too late to find out more about a guy you like. [Read: 22 early warning signs of a bad boyfriend you MUST know]

Wait, don’t you get to know one another slowly over time?

Admittedly, yes, but having a little pre-information is never a bad thing. After all, why waste your time on someone just to find out that you’re not going to get along with them? 

By asking some questions to get to know a guy, you can work out whether this is a guy who is worthy of your time and attention, or someone you should pass on. [Read: How to get to know someone on a date]

Getting to know one another over time is a totally different type of familiarity. That’s all about making memories together and growing as a new couple; that takes so much time.

But by asking these pre-dating questions, you can work out whether you’re really suited for the long run. 

Do you have the same values? Does he like animals? What is his favorite color? You know, all the important things in life that you have to know! [Read: 24 secrets to talk to your crush and get them to fall for you in no time]

Of course, one thing you shouldn’t do is make him feel like you’re interviewing him. That’s not cool or fun. 

If you’re going to go down the quick-fire question game, fair enough, fire away, but make sure he knows it’s a game and not a grilling he wasn’t pre-warned about!

Why should you ask a guy these questions?

When you are trying to get to know someone, how else can you do it than by asking them questions, right? [Read: 27 happy, fun questions to ask a guy to make him laugh and smile around you]

If you don’t ask him any questions, then you will only talk about external things like the weather or the current political situation in the world.

But those kinds of generic questions won’t let you get to know him as a person. Sure, they could be interesting conversations, but they shouldn’t replace the more personal ones that will help you dig deep with him.

Also, these questions will also help you figure out of the two of you are compatible. Too often, people start dating and forget to ask the hard *and fun* questions to see if they would work out long-term. [Read: 196 fun and deep relationship questions to test your couple compatibility]

So, that’s why you need to ask these questions of a guy you like! 

What should you be mindful of before asking questions?

While asking a guy you like all these questions is important and helps you get to know him better, that doesn’t mean you should ignore social cues. So, you have to pay attention to and be mindful of the following things before you start asking questions.

1. Timing

If you just met the guy or it’s a first date, you don’t know him, so you might not want to start digging too deep with your questions right away. Some people – especially guys – aren’t very comfortable sharing personal details or their thoughts and ideas. [Read: 19 secrets to not be shy around your crush and talk casually]

Of course, you can ask some light-hearted questions early on. But save the deeper ones and the ones about the future *like starting a family* until later on. You don’t want him to feel uncomfortable or that you’re trying to pry.

2. Read the room

“Reading the room” is basically just a phrase that says that you need to take contextual cues into consideration before you say and do anything. [Read: Male body language – 48 signs to instantly read a man’s mind]

For example, you probably wouldn’t tell a dirty joke to your grandma, but you would to your best friend.

So, when you’re “reading the room” with a guy you like, just try to stay tuned into his body language and other nonverbal cues. If his face or posture tells you that he’s getting uncomfortable, then back off. If he seems to be enjoying it, then keep going.

3. This isn’t an interrogation

Remember, this isn’t an interrogation or interview so you don’t want to make it feel like one. He’s not some criminal or candidate for a job interview after all! [Read: How to talk to a guy – 40 secrets to sweet talk and make him like you]

He’s a guy you like, so you just want to get to know him better!

So, don’t pull out your list and go question by question. Instead, you want to weave these questions into your conversation easily and effortlessly. You have to make him feel like it’s just a fun conversation that you’re trying to have with him so that he doesn’t feel under pressure and, you know, make a run for it!

How to know if you’re asking the right questions 

While getting to know a guy you like is always exciting and fun, it can also be a bit nerve-wracking too. [Read: 41 casual conversation starters to use with a guy to get him talking]

Since you have a crush on him, your emotions are running high and you might have some anxiety that you’re asking the wrong questions.

But just calm down. There really are no “right” or “wrong” questions. As we said in the last section, just “read the room” – meaning him. If you just started talking to him, then choose light questions like “what’s your favorite movie?”

On the other hand, if you have known him for a while, then you can go a little deeper with your questions. [Read: 62 flirty topics and things to talk about with a guy to keep him interested]

You might want to try ones like “what’s your favorite childhood memory” or “where do you see yourself in five years?”

And finally, if you are already romantically involved or dating, then it’s fair to ask him questions that assess your compatibility.

Questions about his political or religious beliefs would be appropriate because if the two of you are wildly different, it might not work out so well. [Read: 32 flirty and deep would you rather questions for couples to connect better]

Just remember to be yourself. Ask the questions that seem appropriate given all the factors involved, and you’ll do just fine.

The big list of perfect questions to ask a guy you like 

When you want to get him to like you or know if you should continue to invest your time and heart in him, here are the best questions to ask a guy you like, featuring everything from flirtatious wonderings to deep insightful queries.

[Read: How to show a guy you like him, and still be a tease]

1. Are you available? 

If it isn’t pretty clear why this is so important, then we don’t know what to say. If you like a guy that is in a monogamous relationship, things won’t work out, so it is best to know now.

2. Are you free this weekend? 

There’s nothing men love more than a woman who knows what she wants, so straight up ask him out if he is free. The best way to get to know him and have a chance to ask these questions is on a date. 

This way you can share your undivided attention and really learn more about him. [Read: How to subtly ask a guy out over text and get the answer you want]

3. What did you get up to over the break? 

If you’re talking to a guy just after the summer or the festive season, then ask him what he did over the holiday break, the weekend, or on his vacation. This will help you learn about what he does with his time off and what you may do together if you were to date.

4. What shows are you bingeing? 

Sure, TV isn’t that important but sharing common ground by bonding over a series can help things flow more smoothly.

5. What’s your favorite streaming app? 

The same goes for other entertainment. Talking about something a bit more light can break the ice and let you get into deeper topics that we’ll get to later. 

6. Do you have any pets? 

Pets are so important. They are our furry family, so it is good to know if they have a soft spot for animals. 

If they are allergic or don’t like cats and you have two, things may not work, so it’s better that you know sooner rather than later. [Read: Adopting a pet? The true signs both of you are ready for a pet together]

7. Where’s your favorite place to travel? 

For those with the travel bug, this is a great question to ask a guy you’re interested in.

Do you both enjoy relaxing on a beach or doing touristy things or a bit of both? Does he like to explore places that are underrated or well-known landmarks? This is a really good question to ask because no one likes to travel alone every time!

8. What are you most passionate about? 

If you’re looking for exciting questions to ask a guy you like, then ask him about his passions and you will see another side to him! [Read: 48 real secrets to change your life and find the right path when you’re lost]

When people talk about their greatest passions, they light up, they get excited, and seeing that is so attractive. After all, who doesn’t like a guy who is dedicated and driven?

9. Are you close with your family? 

This is important to so many people. Is he close with his siblings or parents? Does he see them often? Does he prefer his chosen family to his given one? How have your family lives been similar or different? What can you connect on?

If you’re a big family person and he’s more of a lone wolf, then you know that you might not be very compatible.

10. What show can you watch over and over? 

This question to ask a guy you like will tell you a lot about someone’s sense of humor, which makes a huge impact on how you will get along. [Read: 60 of the most romantic movies in the world that are a must-watch]

Do they prefer Seinfeld or Friends? Maybe they are more into New Girl or Schitt’s Creek? Or perhaps they like something a bit more serious or dramatic? If you want to be cuddled up on the sofa with this guy after a long day of work, then you need to know what you’ll be watching!

11. What do you do in your free time? 

Free time is the time you would potentially spend together, so knowing how he fills that time is important. 

If he likes to lounge around and watch TV while you’re super active, you may be too different. Or, perhaps you could bring each other out of your comfort zones. [Read: 20 positive personality traits that can change your life forever]

12. What are your dealbreakers in dating? 

These are always good to get out of the way now so that you don’t waste your time. 

If he doesn’t want to date a smoker and you’re a smoker, it probably won’t work out so neither of you should bother with a second date. [Read: The 25 most common dating deal breakers almost all women agree on]

13. Do you have a secret talent or party trick? 

This is always fun to find out and can be a cute memory to share if it does work out down the road.

14. If money wasn’t a factor, what would you be doing? 

This is a great question to ask a guy you like because it reveals a lot in a lighthearted way. Although it may not be realistic or practical, it tells you a lot about someone. 

Would they be doing what they’re doing now? Perhaps they would go on a permanent vacation? Would they spend their time volunteering?

15. What is your biggest pet peeve? 

This could be anything from racism to not putting the shopping carts back, but it can tell you a lot about what people let get to them. [Read: Petty Percy – 18 signs of a petty person that make them so annoying]

16. How did you meet your best friend? 

This is almost always a good story. And hearing the guy you like talking about someone who is so important to him will show you how much he cares about his friends. 

17. What is something unexpected about you? 

This question is something that not only shows something you probably didn’t know about the guy you like but it also clues you into what he finds unexpected about himself.

18. Are you more into math and sciences or the arts? 

This can really give you a glimpse into his interests and mindset. If you are more creative and artsy while he is more clinical, that can give you a clue about your compatibility.

19. Do you have a favorite quote? 

Not everyone does, but if he does, it is likely something he lives by which could let you know his morals and goals in life. [Read: 19 less-popular life quotes that’ll motivate you to live a better life]

20. What would you do if you have 24 hours to live? 

This question can seem a little morbid but can also be very telling. Would he go see the most beautiful places on earth or hang out at home with his family? What would you do?

21. What are you most proud of yourself for? 

This is also a great question because you get to see his confidence shine through. Some people, especially those who are shy, have a hard time patting themselves on the back but this question lets them do so. [Read: How to respect yourself – 37 secrets of self-respect, self-belief, and self-love]

22. What is your favorite book? 

This will let you know their tastes or even if they read books at all!

23. What was your childhood like? 

This is one of those questions to ask a guy you like that’ll reveal his whole outlook toward life as a grown-up. Did he grow up with money or in a more humble manner?

Were his parents together? Did his grandparents raise him? All those show what he’s been through in his life and handled as a kid. [Read: The child of a narcissist and 16 lasting effects that will affect others in their life]

24. Who has impacted your life the most? 

Is it someone he aspires to be like in business or his father or brother? What does that say about him? 

25. Who are you closest to in your life? 

Knowing what his personal life is like can tell you how well you click on that level. Is he super close with his parents or his best friend or his roommate? Does he have a ton of friends that he’s close to?

26. Do you believe in marriage? Is that something you want? 

This is one of those questions to ask a guy you like that cannot be ignored. If you like this guy and are looking for a serious relationship, knowing his stance on a potential future is so important. [Read: Happily ever after – the psychological benefits of marriage and commitment]

If he never wants to get married and you do, then it’s going to be a very big issue someday in the future.

27. Who do you miss the most? 

His grandma? Or his childhood friend? Maybe his mom who lives across the country? Let him share that bond with you. Connecting with you over something so serious will bring you closer.

28. What celebrity death impacted you the most? 

Was it Robin Williams who made him laugh as a kid, or Chadwick Boseman who made him feel seen in pop culture? Or was it someone else? 

As dark as this question is, it really helps you learn so much about him and what’s important to him. [Read: Life-altering lessons you can learn from regret]

29. Have you ever been in love? 

If he shares this with you, he is being vulnerable. Maybe he’s been in love or thought he was, but after some time realized he wasn’t. His ability to think about that time and open up to you says he feels so comfortable sharing with you.

30. How do you deal with stress? 

This is important to your possible future. Will he shut down when he’s going through a hard time or will he open up and vent? Will he want advice and help or just to get it out? 

31. Do you get jealous easily? 

Whether you’ve dealt with a jealous guy in your past or not, you probably know how that can go. It can be very controlling. Is he aware of this? And if so, is he working on it? Is he secure in himself? [Read: How to tell if a guy is jealous – 25 hints he just can’t hide]

32. Have you struggled with a mental illness? 

This is an important question whether you have struggled yourself or not. Are you capable of the patience needed to handle anxiety or depression from your partner? 

Will you be able to bond over shared experiences? Can you be there for each other? All these questions are so important to answer.

33. What’s on your bucket list? 

What is so important to him that he wants to do in his life? Does he want to foster dogs? 

Or does he want to visit all the continents? Maybe he wants to make a million dollars in one year? Do you also agree that these things are important? [Read: Couples bucket list and 20 things all couples must try to do]

34. Do you find it difficult to trust people? 

This can tell you if you need to be patient with him or if you can both jump into something. Does he have trust issues from his childhood or a past relationship, and if so, is he willing to work on them?

35. What are your opinions on social media? 

Social media is like a lifestyle to some people. It can really eat away at a relationship. If he is very private and you love to share your daily life with thousands online, it can cause a rift. 

36. Do you believe men and women should be treated equally? 

If he doesn’t say yes, then you know what to do. [Read: Mars and Venus? Very obvious gender differences in communication]

37. What charities, organizations, or movements do you support? 

Do your opinions and passions align here? Would you go to the same protests together and volunteer together, or do you care about different causes or even care about opposing causes? If so, can you respect your differences?

38. Are you competitive? 

This question to ask a guy you like probably isn’t a deal-breaker but can be intense for some people. If you are laid back and they are intense about winning, it could cause issues but if you both meet in the middle, that difference can be balanced.

39. Do you follow any religion? 

If you share a religion, it is something you can bond over and if you have differing beliefs, it can be something you learn about each other. 

40. Have you ever been heartbroken? 

If he has been through heartbreak, he either may be more sensitive to your feelings or more slow-moving. This can help you understand where he’s coming from so you know what to expect. [Read: 60 must-ask get-to-know-you questions for a new romance]

41. What are your political affiliations, if any? 

Politics can be an iffy subject for couples and if those positions matter to you, then differing opinions here can be a deal-breaker. 

42. Do you trust the government? 

With all the theories and conspiracies going around lately, it is important to know if you could be dating someone who lives in a different reality from you… you know, wearing a tin-foil hat.

43. Have you ever cheated on someone?  

For those with trust issues, finding out someone cheated before could be enough to turn them off. 

But if he owns up to it and takes responsibility, you might take that as a sign of growth and maturity. [Confession: I cheated on my boyfriend with his friend and feel way, way better]

44. Would you adopt or foster? 

To bring up the topic of kids, knowing whether this guy would be open to adoption or fostering is important. 

Not everyone can have kids biologically and others would prefer not to. Knowing where he stands now can really make things easier later.

45. What is your favorite board game? 

Will you crush him in Monopoly or Scrabble? Knowing this is so important, but only if you want the advantage on game night!

46. Are you a feminist? 

If he says no, he probably doesn’t view you as an equal, so you can do with that what you wish. [Read: Feminism – what it is, 5 different types and how they differ from each other]

47. Do you recycle, use reusable bottles, or care about the environment? 

If you take the environmental crisis in the world seriously and he tosses plastic bottles in the trash, that could be a pet peeve that slowly drives you insane, so maybe it’s best to avoid that.

48. What do you do when the power goes out? 

This is another fun question to ask a guy you like because it takes away phones, the internet, TV and leaves you with old-fashioned bonding. 

Would you two play cards, eat all the food that might go bad, or just lounge around? [Read: What to do when you’re bored at home with nothing to do]

49. Do you enjoy being single? 

Even if he says yes to this, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to date you, but it does let you know if he can keep himself company. 

50. What is the longest relationship you’ve ever had? 

If he has never dated anyone for over 6 months, maybe he isn’t ready for something like what you’re ready for, or maybe he is fresh out of a seriously long relationship; if so, maybe he’s not ready to move on.

51. If you had the chance, would you try again with an ex? 

This can be a hard one to hear the answer to, but it can be vital to whether or not you want to move forward with your feelings. [Read: Secret clues your boyfriend is definitely not over his ex yet]

52. What makes you sad? 

This tells you what is important to him. Does his dog whining for treats make him sad or does the news make him sad? Or both? If he’s not a very emotional person and you’re very in tune with your emotions, do you think that could cause problems or not?

53. Do you hold grudges? 

Is he quick to forgive if you mess up or does he hold onto his anger? Why does he hold grudges? 

54. Have you ever been in a physical fight? 

Is he against violence or will he not let a conflict go unresolved? What was the fight about? If it was about something insignificant and you’re a strong pacifist, you might want to cut ties now rather than get upset later.

55. Do you practice monogamy? 

This is also important. If you are into having an open relationship, this could be a no-no for you and vice versa. [Read: Is monogamy for you? How to know your needs and what works for you]

If you two aren’t on the same page with what you would potentially want together, it probably won’t work.

56. What’s your favorite thing to cook? 

Not only will this let you know his cooking skills, but maybe his diet as well. Is he a meat and potatoes guy or is he vegan and, depending on his answer, are you two compatible?

57. Do you prefer the city or the country? 

Would he love to live in the center of NYC or does he prefer a rural area? What about you?

58. Do you believe in ghosts? 

Is he spiritual? Maybe he is very skeptical about ghosts, psychics, and the paranormal while you believe in it? 

59. What is the first thing you noticed about me? 

This can let you know how he sees you and what is important to him upon meeting someone new. In addition, it’s a great way to get a compliment, and who doesn’t love those? [Read: 25 things guys find sexy and very attractive about a girl they see]

60. Who do you look up to the most?  

Does he look up to Gandhi, his mother, or Martin Luther King? Why does this person inspire him?

61. What is your favorite series, saga, or fandom? 

Is he obsessed with Star Wars or Lord of the Rings? Maybe he loves Harry Potter or is super into the MCU. This can help you click on a more lighthearted level when you find the fandom you’re both obsessed with.

62. Do you prefer summer or winter? 

Sure, this can seem like a simple question to ask a guy you like, but it can impact a relationship more than you know. Will you always fight over where to vacation or even where to live based on the weather?

63. Would you travel to space given the opportunity? 

This is quite the conversation starter and a conversation continuer. How far would he go, and would he come back? Does he want to colonize Mars, and if so, does he want you to be there with him?

64. Do you enjoy long car rides? 

This small question to ask a guy you like might not seem like a lot, but it actually does reveal a fair amount of his personality. Will you be going on any road trips or flying just to travel two states over? [Read: 20 fun, unique things to do on a car ride to make it memorable]

65. What languages do you speak? 

This question not only tells you how diverse or educated someone is, but it also shows their history. 

Did they live in France for a while? Were they born in Mexico? Did they learn sign language because a family member is deaf?

66. How would you describe a healthy romantic relationship? 

Are you on the same page? Do they want something simple and loving and comfortable or something passionate and wild? This is so an important question to ask, so don’t forget it! [Read: What does a healthy romantic relationship look like? Your guide to building the perfect one]

67. Do you consider yourself to be stubborn or open-minded? 

Depending on where you fall on this spectrum, it could make a big difference where they do. If you are both stubborn and unwilling to bend on certain subjects, it could create a big mess.

68. Do you like me? 

This is probably the most important question to ask a guy you like. If he doesn’t like you back, most of these other questions won’t really matter. 

But, if he does, you can move forward and get to know each other and hopefully become a great couple.

[Read: 22 early warning signs of a bad boyfriend you need to leave ASAP]

69. Where do you see yourself in five years?

This is a great question because it is relatively soon, but not too far. You will find out if he is ambitious and motivated in his career. 

Generally, this matters a lot, especially if you are career-driven as well. [Read: 50 relationship questions to test your compatibility instantly]

70. What about in ten years?

This question is a little bit more intense because depending on how old they are at the time, this means they will be a real adult, doing adult things. 

If you are even asking, it means you are thinking long-term with this fella, so proceed with caution.

71. What is your biggest accomplishment?

This question tells you about how motivated they are, and WHAT motivates them in life. [Read: Stop being a wallflower and talk to the guy you like]

72. What is your favorite childhood memory?

This is one of those questions to get to know a guy that gives you some insight into what their childhood was like. 

Without digging for answers, you could potentially learn if they had a fantastic childhood, or if it was rough. This allows them to give up as much or as little as they choose, so it’s a pretty safe question to ask on a first date.

73. Who are you closest to in your family?

It says a lot about someone once you know whether they are closer with their mom, dad, sisters, brothers, etc.

If they are closer to their mom or female family members, they could be more sensitive and respectful of women. [Read: Feminine men and 40 signs of a guy who’s more in touch with his softer side]

But if they are closer to their dad or male family members, they could be more masculine and have more difficulty discussing their emotions. The keyword though is “could.”

74. What is your biggest fear?

This could be a funny answer, like mice, or a deep answer, like being forgotten.

75. What is one thing you would never want your parents to know?

Again, this could be something funny, like they had sex in their bed in high school, or it could be that they were addicted to cocaine. Could go either way at this point. [Read: 20 good questions to ask a guy and find out who he really is]

76. Describe your dream life

This is literally the perfect question because you can hear how they envision their future, and you get to decide if you could imagine yourself sharing that life with them or not.

77. If money wasn’t an issue, where would you travel and why?

Everyone really likes talking about traveling, so he will adore this question. It also tells you a lot about a person in terms of the types of landscapes they like, the cultures they’re pulled towards, etc. 

Let’s be honest, if they’re a ski and snow kind of guy and you can’t stand anything below 90 degrees, you’re just not a great match! [Read: Reasons traveling is a great test of compatibility]

78. What is the stupidest thing you have ever done?

This one is just fun, so go on, ask it.

79. Do you have any regrets in life?

Their answer could be “I have no regrets in life because everything happens for a reason” which you could love, or they could tell you some deep, personal things.

80. Share your first kiss story

These are always just embarrassing, awful, and so hilarious. 

81. Share your first “time” story

Well, you might get a surprise here. He may just laugh it off, go into explicit details *in the hope of making you horny!* or you may just find out he’s red-faced because he’s still a virgin! [Read: 28 awkward questions to ask a guy and the weird ones you never should]

82. What would you say is your biggest turn-on about a woman?

Does he describe something about you? SCORE.

83. Your biggest turn-off?

Again, does he describe something about you? …Okay, maybe not a score this time. [Read: The biggest dating turn-offs for guys]

84. What is the hardest thing mentally you have ever had to go through?

He might describe the death of a family member or his best friend… just be prepared here, because it could get very emotional. You might be opening up a fresh wound with this question to get to know a guy. So, proceed cautiously.

85. Describe your perfect partner

He is basically going to hand you everything he is looking for in a partner in a pretty pink box with a bow on it. Does he describe you? Perfecto.

86. What is your ideal first date?

This question gives you insight into his romantic side. Also, this will tell you if he is a down-to-earth guy that just wants to go to the beach or order pizza and watch a movie. 

Or if he is extravagant and wants to take you out to a nice dinner with candlelight and such. [Read: Top 50 amazing first date ideas to wow your date]

87. If someone gave you a million dollars right now, what would you do with it?

Does he give some to charity? Does he keep all of it? Spend it all in a week? Ah, this question to ask a guy and get to know him is just so cliché but it still reveals his inner workings!

88. What’s your guilty pleasure?

Porn? Social Media? Dark movies and shows on Netflix? What is it, and do you have the same guilty pleasure? [Read: 33 guilty pleasures you should keep a secret]

89. How do you imagine your future family?

Does he want children? Can he envisage getting married? Could he imagine family dinners every night, and if so, can you?

90. Who is your role model?

Knowing who he models his behavior after is so important. This will shape the relationship that you might possibly be entering.

91. How would you describe “love”?

Maybe he has never actually experienced love. Perhaps you’ll be his first. Maybe his idea of love is a very superficial, shallow definition. You will learn it all with this question to get to know a guy. [Read: What does it feel like to be in love – 33 must-know truths about being in love]

92. What is one thing that you have learned about yourself from past relationships?

Are you a firm believer in the fact that every relationship teaches you SOMETHING? If he hasn’t learned anything from his past relationships, then perhaps he lacks personal insight, i.e., he does nothing wrong. 

93. Are you a morning person, or a night person?

This is just an interesting question to get to know a guy because perhaps you align in this sense. Both morning people? You can wake up and have breakfast together.

94. What is your favorite animal?

Let’s be honest, a guy who loves animals is instantly more attractive than one who doesn’t. Is it a cute dog or a cat? Is he more about reptiles than cuddly animals? 

95. What trait do you consider the most important in a partner?

Most people will say honesty or faithfulness but it’s interesting to ask. This is one of the more searching questions to get to know a guy because it tells you what is important to him. You never know, he might surprise you. [Read: 20 positive personality traits that can change your life forever]

96. Sex on a first date or not?

A cheeky one but it’s fun to ask! Most guys will say that they don’t want to have sex on a first date but most are lying. If you make it to a date, it gives you a few ideas on whether you want to go there or not!

97. What makes you super angry?

This can give you some very interesting insights into what he can tolerate versus what makes his blood boil. It’s always fun to learn these things and of course, tells you what to avoid!

98. If you could change one trait about yourself, what would you choose?

Nobody is perfect and the fact he can choose a trait tells you that he knows this and he’s working towards self-improvement, in some way at least. 

If he tells you he’s perfect and wouldn’t change anything, he’s lying. [Read: 33 traits of a good boyfriend you should always look for in a guy]

99. What is your favorite movie of all time?

His favorite movies don’t just reveal how he likes wasting his time, but it actually talks about his core values and what makes him who he is. 

Use this question to get to know his favorite movies, and chances are, the lead male characters are people he associates with or aspires to be.

100. Who is your favorite actor?

Is it an action specialist, a deep and meaningful actor, or a comedic genius? This is one of the questions to get to know a guy that will give you a real insight into what he finds entertaining. 

101. Do you really like your job?

This is a loaded question and one that could take the conversation further. He may say that he loves his job and tell you why. Or, he may say he hates it or doesn’t enjoy it generally, and what he would like to do. [Read: Love or career? How to make the right choice]

102. If you could relocate and live somewhere else, then where would you choose?

This is a little like the travel question because it tells you about the types of locations he likes. Again, sub-zero temperatures could be a serious red flag for you, so it’s good to know in advance if he’s drawn to the snow-top mountains!

103. What is your go-to song on karaoke night?

He’ll probably tell you he doesn’t do karaoke but that’s just his ego talking. Push a little further and he’ll buckle under the pressure and admit that he likes “I Will Survive” or something just as cheesy!

104. What was your childhood nickname?

Out of all the questions to get to know a guy, this one will make him smile and take him back to his childhood years.

Just try not to laugh when he tells you what his mom used to call him! [Read: 50 cute things to call your boyfriend to create intimacy]

105. One pillow or two?

Another cheeky one because it gives you pre-information if things were to get intimate! 

106. Ross & Rachel… were they on a break or not?

Even if he wasn’t an avid Friends watcher, he is probably going to understand this debate and will probably also have an opinion on it. Does his answer match yours?

107. If you could have dinner with one famous person, who would it be and why?

Will he choose a beautiful actress just because he can, or will he choose a highly intelligent historian so he can pick their brains? 

Of course, there’s a huge amount of ground between those two examples! [Read: What to look for in a guy – 40 traits that make a man worth dating]

108. Is the glass half full or half empty?

Is he an optimist or a pessimist, are you the same, and if not, then can you live with that?

Final thoughts

With this, remember that these are not meant to be rattled off in a list. You can’t just walk up to the guy you like and ask him these questions. 

Take your time and enjoy getting to know him. These shouldn’t be checked off like a list but asked because you are genuinely interested in the responses and want to share your answers with him as well. 

[Read: 60 fun get-to-know-you questions to know your new romantic partner]

Using just some of these questions to ask a guy you like will help you find out if he is really the right one for you. Try it, you’ll be surprised just how revealing and insightful it can be in no time!

The post 108 Casual-Yet-Deep Questions to Ask a Guy to Get to Know Him in Minutes! is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

Hypergamy: What It Is, the Good, Bad & 24 Truths About Women Marrying Up

Have you ever heard of hypergamy? If not, it’s when women “marry up” or get into relationships with men who are rich and have a higher social status. 

In the age of social and sexual equality, a curious term emerges from the old, dusty pages of history to make a reappearance in many a conversation—and some heated debate: hypergamy.

Many feminists, pickup artists, red-pill guys, male feminists, and everyone else are abuzz. Talking about its merits and flaws, how it spells doom, or how it just fits in the fabric of nature. 

They’re saying it’s bad for civilization, it makes dating harder, women are superficial, men should strive harder—it’s all about evolution, and so many more.

One famous piece by Rollo Tomasi, “Hypergamy Doesn’t Care,” even sparked a battle of wits and of the sexes revolving around this thing called hypergamy. 

But what, really, is hypergamy? Is it just a new buzzword for today’s times?

Hypergamy 101

Hypergamy is a marriage system wherein women marry men of a higher social class. [Read: How to be a good sugar baby – 16 secrets to the luxe life]

To put it simply, hypergamy is “marrying up.” In this system, a man shouldn’t marry a woman of higher status while a woman shouldn’t marry a man below her status.

Contrary to what many may believe, hypergamy has been practiced by countless cultures throughout history, such as in India, imperial China, ancient Greece, medieval Europe, and modern China. 

It finds its function in hierarchical societies. Marrying up is done in the hopes that the woman’s family improves her rank, class, or social status. It’s also done to create politically advantageous connections. [Read: 25 real things that make a man attractive to women]

Today, much of the modern world sees men and women as social equals, so you would expect that hypergamy is almost non-existent.

Wrong.

A new, contemporary interpretation and application of hypergamy are in the works.

Modern hypergamy

In sexual selection, hypergamy makes sense as it is in the nature of men to seek women who are youthful and have the attributes that make them seem likely to give birth to healthy babies *wide hips and big boobs*. [Read: A girl’s guide to snagging a rich boyfriend or sugar daddy!].

Meanwhile, women seek men capable of providing at least the essential resources for the survival of the family.

However, beyond reproductive qualities, political and social connections, and wealth, modern women seem to be looking for other qualities in men that make the latter seem superior. 

These now dictate what is attractive and suitable for women, thereby shifting the standard by which status is measured in contemporary times. [Read: Male privilege – what it is and what it looks like in real life]

This shouldn’t be mistaken for mere gold-digging though, as women aren’t only looking for mates to give them material things. 

They are after those with a “higher status,” which means a plethora of different characteristics more perceived than actual. These include:

1. Success – having a title, running and owning a business, being up the career ladder

2. Wealth – big paycheck, fancy cars, big house, sharp suit, designer clothes, latest gadgets

3. Maturity – being older than the woman, often several years her senior

4. Assertive personality – makes him the dominant alpha male in a group of males

5. Seeming to be tough or strong – a protective quality

6. Ambitious – having plans in life, working hard

7. Surrounded by a lot of other adoring women

8. Confidence

9. Good looks

[Read: 65 perks and problems of dating an older man and secrets to attract and date him]

The role of technology

Another shift in the standard can also be due to technology, wherein social media and online dating play major roles. 

Because women have access to numerous men online, a so-called “Candy Store Effect” comes into play. Thanks to technology, women can enjoy—and take for granted—a buffet of men to sift through any time they want.

Previously, the playground for attraction could be found in bars and nightclubs, where their choices were only as big as what the four walls of the watering holes and nightspots allowed. [Read: 30 effective tips to help you win at online dating]

But now, the playing field is online through sites such as Facebook and OkCupid, as well as dating apps such as Tinder.

As a result, women became choosier. While in earlier times they had to be reasonable and even compromise with their choices for mates, now they tap into an unlimited supply of men that they can discard or keep as though shopping for shoes.

And with such a wide array of men to choose from, women developed a way to sift through all that testosterone. [Read: The pros and cons of using dating apps to snag a date]

They screen through potential mates based on superficial criteria, such as pictures *or even just one profile picture or avatar*, job, income, and maybe every now and then, a sense of humor as reflected through his profile description, tweets, or posts.

And with this, hypergamy comes to dictate social and sexual attraction more than it had been in the recent past.

Why is hypergamy still a thing? 

Hypergamy has been a practice for ages. We usually think that people get married because they love each other. [Read: What is true love? 58 signs and ways to tell if what you’re feeling is real]

But this is a relatively new phenomenon that has only been around for about 250 years. That’s why it’s not surprising that it’s still a thing sometimes.

There are some cultures where marriages are still arranged so a woman marries into a wealthy family. For example, many people in India, China, Iran, and Indonesia still have arranged marriages.

So, just because hypergamy is less common in western cultures doesn’t mean that it’s not very much alive and well in some areas of the world. [Read: Sugar baby – what it is, 69 tips to be a good one, and get a rich sugar daddy]

In fact, there are many celebrity couples and fictional characters that are hypergamous such as in the Disney fairytales.

These days, with inflation at an all-time high and the cost of living going up, women might strive even more to marry up. Then you add in the images of rich people on TV, movies, and social media, and it just keeps fueling the hypergamy fire.

So, if women aren’t self-made and have their own money, then the easiest way to get rich is to marry someone who is. [Read: 40 secrets and easy hacks to look rich and dress like you’re rolling in cash]

Who can be in a hypergamous relationship? 

You might think that hypergamous relationships only happen between men and women, but they don’t. They are prevalent in almost every community. Anyone can practice hypergamy. 

Is hypergamy wrong? 

Since feminism emerged, many people think that all women can and should be able to take care of themselves. But other people think that women are inherent “gold diggers.” 

So, is hypergamy “wrong?” Well, it just depends on how you look at it. [Read: Trophy wife – what it is, 22 ways to be one and why all men desire one]

Many scientists say that people – especially women – seek a powerful and secure partner because it’s instinctual and part of our genetic makeup. So, these people would argue that hypergamy is not a choice, but rather part of evolution.

The reason they argue that is because it’s part of the survival instinct. Think about the caveman days. The man had to be strong and brave to hunt animals to bring back to his family to eat. And the women and children depended on them to survive.

And even when people started to form tribes, the strongest and most powerful man was looked up to and admired. He had a higher social status which made him more desirable than the less powerful men. [Read: How to attract an alpha male – 20 secrets to date him and keep him hooked]

So, while many thousands of years have gone by since the caveman days, our brains haven’t really evolved that much in terms of our survival instinct. Sure, what it looks like has changed because of modern society. But it’s still there.

Back then, hypergamy wasn’t really a choice but a necessity for survival. However, today, it is a choice. So, whether that choice is “wrong” or “right” is very subjective. Everyone looks at it differently, and neither perspective is wrong.

Why should we care about hypergamy?

Hypergamy is important because it is part of the structure of society. As we discussed earlier, it was needed for survival in the ancient past. But it still plays a role in society even today. [Read: Damsel in distress – why men find women who ask for help irresistible]

Relationships are always an exchange of some sort. For example, a rich older man might prefer a younger woman who is not as successful as him. In this instance, she is trading her youth and good looks for his money, status, and power – and vice versa.

So, while some people think that this type of hypergamous relationship is a wise – or even necessary – practice for women to be taken care of, others think it’s insulting to women because it implies that their worth is only tied to their husband’s money and social status – not her own.

From a feminist point of view, hypergamy is detrimental to a woman because it makes her dependent on a man. [Read: Feminism – what it is, different types, and how they differ from each other]

And for so long, women have fought for equal rights. So, a lot of people think hypergamy sets women back in time.

With that said, if a woman was raised in a poor family, hypergamy might be encouraged so that she can reach a higher economic status and have an easier life. This could be encouraged by her family or just within herself. 

Whether or not you think hypergamy is wrong or right, it’s not going to go away. [Read: Sex positive feminism – what it is and why we must embrace the movement]

Sure, there might be fewer hypergamous relationships now than in the past because of women in the workplace. But that doesn’t mean that it doesn’t still exist.

Is hypergamy a healthy relationship style? 

Hypergamy isn’t inherently healthy or unhealthy. It really just depends on the people who are in a hypergamous relationship. 

So, on one hand, it can be unhealthy because of the power dynamic it creates. [Read: Internalized misogyny – how to recognize it, fight it, and win over it]

Some men like this situation because it gives them power and control in the relationship. They make all or most of the money, so they have the choice to control it.

And what can follow with controlling the money is controlling the woman. So, there can be a very unhealthy and potentially toxic dynamic that could develop from this situation.

However, just because the man has most of the money and power doesn’t mean that he is going to abuse this position. He could very well be generous and kind and want the best for his wife or girlfriend. [Read: Healthy relationship – 27 signs, qualities, and what it looks like in real life]

He might even put her in charge of managing the money. So, as you can see, whether it’s healthy or unhealthy really depends on the people involved in the relationship.

With that said, for a hypergamous relationship to be healthy, there has to be respect, communication, boundaries, and trust between the partners. All relationships should have that, but hypergamous ones need it even more.

What should I consider before entering a hypergamous relationship?

If you’re a woman who is considering getting into a hypergamous relationship, you need to understand why you want it. And the same is true for man. [Read: 25 honest, self-reflection questions to recognize the real YOU inside]

In other words, you really need to examine your values. What do you want most in a relationship? What are your must-haves and deal breakers?

For example, if you value friendship, love, and the feeling of being soul mates more than you value money, then you shouldn’t compromise on that. Sure, you can find all of that in one relationship, but many times you don’t.

And if you value money and status more than friendship, love, and companionship, then you would probably not be a good candidate for a hypergamous relationship. [Read: Imposter syndrome – 36 causes, signs, types, and ways to stop feeling fake]

As for men, if you value youth and beauty more than you do intelligence, connection, and ambition in a woman, then hypergamy would work for you.

So, as you can see, you really need to do some self-reflection before you enter into a hypergamous relationship. Who are you? What do you value? What kind of person do you want to be in a relationship with?

As we mentioned earlier, hypergamy in and of itself isn’t healthy or unhealthy. It really depends on the two people in the relationship. [Read: 33 emotional needs in a relationship, signs they’re unmet and how to meet them]

So, if two people are in it for the right reasons and they are happy, then that’s the only thing that matters.

What are the most common hypergamous factors?

You’re probably reading this and thinking that it’s nothing more than a huge generalization. Hey, we’re just giving you the science behind the idea!

Female hypergamy basically comes down to what a woman finds attractive about a prospective partner. It leads her to feel safe, secure, and perhaps in the end, driven to marry and have children, [Read: Hypergamy and the backup boyfriend – are you her main man or one of her extras?]

A note here, that’s not what every woman wants, of course. We’re simply explaining the theory!

It’s interesting to look at some of the most common hypergamous factors that scientists believe a woman feels safe enough to want to make a life with this particular person. How many of these do you agree with? [Read: The rules to being a good partner in your relationship]

1. Leadership

A woman looks for a partner who has a strong character and is able to lead people around them with ease. This doesn’t mean they’re arrogant. It can mean that they lead in a quiet way too. 

Leadership means strength. It shows her that if she finds herself in times of trouble, her partner will help her through it naturally. That is an instinctual thing that most women want.

2. Ambition or passion for his job

Someone who loves what they do and has a real passion for it is attractive to women. [Read: Dating a workaholic – 20 signs and tips to maintain a happy relationship]

This can be a high-flying business type, an artist, a musician, it can be anything, but they have to love what they do, dedicate their all to it, and really feel it in their soul. 

This is instantly attractive to many women, and probably explains why musicians seem to be like catnip to many!

3. A wicked sense of humor

Come on, someone who makes you laugh is great and shows that when times are tough, they will pull you through with humor and gentleness. This is something that many women look for. [Read: 17 good and bad types of humor and how it affects your relationship with others]

4. Well-turned-out and well dressed

The way someone presents themselves to the world is certainly on the female hypergamy list. This doesn’t mean they must wear designer names. 

But they should have their own original style which suits them and is worn with confidence. Confidence is sexy, and almost everyone is attracted to it. [Read: What makes a guy physically attractive and appealing?]

5. Confidence

A partner who oozes their own quiet confidence is irresistible. It shows individual strength and character. Again, this trait shows a woman that if hard times come their way, they’ll be able to overcome them. Her partner will help guide her through.

6. Empathy

Nobody wants a partner who doesn’t have empathy and doesn’t show kindness to those around them. This doesn’t mean a woman wants a walkover in a partner. 

But they want someone who understands what it is like to walk a mile in someone else’s shoes and shows kindness as a result. [Read: Lack of empathy in a relationship – why it matters and how to fix it]

7. The ability to listen

Many women look for a partner who is able to really listen to them. By listening, we mean actually hearing the words and taking them in, not just letting them float in and out of their brain!

From that list of traits, you can see that female hypergamy isn’t really about finding the wealthiest partner or someone high up on social status. 

Instead, it’s about finding someone with the right personality traits and promises a safe and loving future. [Read: What women really want men to know and understand]

So, why do many women fall for the wrong partner?

That’s a good question that doesn’t have a good answer. This is where the theory of female hypergamy falls down a little. It doesn’t work all the time, so you can only assume that it has its off days occasionally!

We’ve all fallen for the wrong person in the past. Perhaps you could argue that it’s to teach us what we really want and what we should be looking for. 

You can’t learn anything without having experienced it properly for yourself. Falling for the wrong person certainly teaches you what you don’t want to repeat in the future. [Read: How to come of a relationship stronger than ever]

So, what do you think about female hypergamy? Do you think it’s a theory that has something truthful behind it, or do you think it’s basically nothing more than an excuse for what women want? 

The list of traits tends to be exactly what most women look for in a partner. Of course, you want someone who is kind, confident, and someone who makes you laugh. 

However, maybe that’s the mystic idea of female hypergamy going on in the background, rather than what we assume to be just good old common sense? [Read: What to do if your partner makes more money than you]

The idea to move past is that anyone who is moving along with female hypergamy does it to grab a partner who earns money and has a high social standing. Sure, some women do. 

Most women simply want someone who will ride with them until the end, support them through everything, and be their best friend. At the end of the day, surely that’s what we all want, isn’t it?

Is hypergamy good or bad?

There’s a war being waged among men, women, and the different ideologies they believe in when it comes to hypergamy. Let’s take a look at the two sides of the coin here. [Read: Trophy husband – your golden guide to be a rich girl’s bitch]

Those who say that marrying up is good because:

1. Natural selection

Since hypergamy allows women to intuitively or intrinsically choose their mates based on superior qualities, this ensures reproduction and natural selection run their natural course. 

It makes sure each new generation is stronger and better than the one preceding it. [Read: How to get a guy’s attention in any circumstance]

2. Thank you, hypergamy

Looking at our evolution, hypergamy allowed early women to choose mates that were smarter, stronger, faster, better hunters, better gatherers, better protectors, just better. 

If it weren’t for female hypergamy, evolution would have become stunted, and the human species would still be living in trees today.

3. Child support and more

While marrying up is really more than just money, the fact women go for stronger, more successful, and more established men can be traced to how the female mind works. [Read: 15 strange and unknown facts about divorce]

Women who are looking for long-term mates are naturally drawn to guys who will be good providers. 

But they also want them to be equipped with capabilities for emotional support, warmth, being responsible parents, being responsible, and other similar qualities.

4. Motivation for perfection

Because women have long been nature’s selectors when it comes to mating and reproduction, it is now up to men to strive to become better versions of themselves. And that’s not too bad. [Read: Types of feminism – can’t we all just agree to disagree?]

From remembering proper daily hygiene and grooming to going to night class to improve their skills, and getting that second job to save more money, the concept of hypergamy helps men to strive for ideals that make them suitable mates.

Meanwhile, many say that hypergamy is bad because:

1. On the hook

Hypergamy allows women to choose any guy she wants. [Read: Sigma male – who they are and 56 traits to split them from the alpha and beta]

Finding one guy may be fine at first, but there’s always that hunt for someone who will be better, and this leaves the “inferior” guy being kept on the hook just in case the girl gets dumped.

2. It doesn’t care

From the words of Tomasi himself, hypergamy doesn’t care if a man is a good person, a devoted father, or a loving husband because women just go after someone who is richer, more powerful, more popular, and more good-looking.

3. Oh, the pressure

Marrying up puts pressure on men to be the best that they can possibly be in order to attract the women they want. [Read: Types of girls you should avoid falling for at all costs]

From the way they carry themselves, to the way they talk, to how financially stable they are, the pressure can be too much and still be inadequate.

4. Divorce

Many even go as far as saying a lot of divorces are due to women cheating on their husbands over “better” guys.

Final thoughts

The conversation surrounding hypergamy these days is, unfortunately, a gross generalization and at most, sexist. [Read: Dating a younger woman – 28 truths, attraction secrets, and signs for older men]

The idea that a desirable woman is only after rich, successful, and good-looking guys is a mere caricature because reality is different. Women aren’t just after status, money, or fame from their male mates.

In fact, there are women that have successfully made a name for themselves or simply manage to live the life they want without needing a guy as the provider. 

Case in point: the rise of the alpha female who doesn’t mind “marrying down” if the guy treats her right by the very least. [Read: Reasons why a female-led relationship is just awesome]

There are also women who would be happy with a guy with an average job and an average salary, and stick by him for the rest of their lives because he is a kind-hearted man who is devoted to his family.

Now if you’re someone who believes you are doomed because of hypergamy, then consider this: get a job, put a roof over her head, carry a good and sensible conversation, and make her happy. 

And if that’s not enough, then you have to convince her that you are the greatest guy to ever walk the face of the earth every day for the rest of your lives together. If you can’t do that, then maybe it’s best that you stay single or, at best, unmarried.

[Read: What traits are the ones that really attract women to men?]

Hypergamy may be naturally and intrinsically ingrained in the female psyche *thanks, evolution*, but it’s up to every man to be the best they can be or not—and accept the hand that they’re dealt.

The post Hypergamy: What It Is, the Good, Bad & 24 Truths About Women Marrying Up is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

Does He Miss Me? 55 Signs & Ways a Guy Shows a Girl He’s Thinking of Her

Are you wondering if a certain guy misses you? You can learn the signs that he misses you so that you know just how much he cares.

Whether you’re in a long-distance relationship or you’ve broken up, knowing the signs he misses you badly can reassure you of his feelings.

So, we’re going to go over all the signs that your boyfriend or your ex-boyfriend misses you in this feature.

But first, how many men do you know who stubbornly put aside their feelings and attraction to the woman they love without at least giving it a shot? If you are wondering “does he miss me?” the signs are all there. You just have to read them.

If he’s your ex-boyfriend, then he may have to keep his pride intact and not come running back. But there are other behaviors he exhibits worth more than any beg-back session.

Why do we like being missed?

Guys tend to hide their feelings. This is especially true when it comes to missing their significant others and their ex-girlfriends. So, he may not vocalize his feelings often. This can leave you very confused about where his feelings for you actually lie. 

[Read: Male body language – 48 subtle signs to instantly read a man’s thoughts]

So when a guy you like misses you, it feels good to know it. It reassures you that he still cares and thinks of you often. 

And most importantly, the fact that he misses you means he really wants you around him instead of some other girl. How can anyone not feel good knowing this truth? [Read: 17 gestures that speak louder than words when a guy loves you] 

Why do you want to know if a guy misses you?

Sure, it’s always nice to know that you matter to someone and that they miss you when you’re not with them. But you should also think a little deeper than that.

Why exactly do you want to know if this guy misses you? Is it because he’s your long-distance boyfriend and you feel like he’s pulling away? Or you’re not sure if he’s all in with the relationship?

Maybe he’s your ex-boyfriend and you regret the breakup and want him back. [Read: Dumper’s regret – a timeline and stages of remorse of dumping someone]

But why do you want him back? Did the reasons for your breakup change? If you got back together would it be any better than it was before? 

It’s fine to want him to miss you. But you should just do some self-reflection as to why it matters to you so much.

How long does it take a guy to realize he misses you?

How long it takes a guy to miss you really depends on the guy, the relationship, and loads of other factors. [Read: When does an ex start to miss you and 8 truths that make them want you more]

For example, if he’s a sentimental person who likes constant companionship, then he will miss you pretty quickly. But if he wasn’t happy in the relationship and is independent and likes his space, then it will take him longer.

To sum it up, some of the most important factors that will determine how long it takes to miss you are:

1. How emotionally available he’s made himself to you

2. How long the relationship is/was [Read: How to make someone miss you and regret ever leaving your side]

3. How much time you spent together

4. How distracted he is

5. How in-tune with his own emotions he is

6. How significant you are in his life

So, the bottom line is that there is no definitive answer to this question.

Some guys start to miss you within weeks, but others don’t until months later. [Read: 34 subtle signs your ex wants you back and misses you but won’t admit it]

Regardless, they start to miss you when they finally understand how important you are *or were* and how much your absence affects their lives.

Reasons a guy misses you

There are a lot of reasons a guy might miss you. Some of it depends on the individual guy, but there are some common reasons.

1. Sex

Well, this probably isn’t a big surprise, right? Most guys really like sex. And when they aren’t with their partners, then they aren’t having sex anymore *unless they are getting it from another girl.* [Read: When you miss someone – 35 signs and things you MUST do to learn from it]

2. Companionship

There is that stereotype that guys are independent and like their space. While that’s true to some extent, guys also like the companionship of their girlfriends. They always have someone to do something with, and it’s comforting to know that.

When that companionship isn’t readily available, they’ll feel that absence.

3. Break in routines

When a couple is together for a long time, they develop some routines together. Whether it’s when they eat dinner, go to the gym, or see a movie every weekend. Whatever it is, their routine is broken when they don’t see you, and that can be quite a jolt to experience.

4. Love

This is the best reason of all for a guy to miss you, isn’t it? [Read: Does he still love me? 25 questions to reveal the truth instantly]

If he genuinely is in love with you, then he will definitely miss you when you’re not with him. We always miss the people that we love, and guys are no different than girls on this one.

Why missing each other is important for a healthy relationship

If you’re in a long-distance relationship, you probably wonder if your boyfriend misses you when you’re apart.

Well, believe it or not, you do need to miss each other. You can’t be around someone 24/7 and expect the relationship to be perfect. 

That’s just not how it works. If you’re always with someone, it’s too difficult to appreciate them. You forget how they have affected your life in a positive way. [Read: 20 subtle moves to make a guy miss you a lot more and leave him obsessed]

Instead, you end up taking them for granted. That’s why couples should spend some time apart every now and then. 

Take a vacation with just friends so you can really miss each other. And know the signs he secretly misses so that you can determine if your relationship is actually healthy.

Guys don’t always make it easy to know if they’re missing you

Ladies, does your boyfriend or ex-boyfriend have a way of never communicating his feelings? If you answered yes, this is the advice you need, to know the signs he misses you. [Read: 16 signs a guy thinks about you a lot even if he’s playing it cool]

If he struggles to share his feelings in the easiest of times, there is a good chance he really falls flat when you’re apart or broken up. Whether you live far apart or recently broke up, spotting the signs he misses you can help you out. 

Yes, he does need to work on his communication skills. Until that happens, it is on us to read between the lines and find the signs he misses you.

Looking for subtle hints and signs he misses you?

When it comes to spotting the signs he misses you, it is not that hard. There are lots of places to look for these signs. [Read: 33 secrets to forget a guy when you miss him but you know he doesn’t care]

If you aren’t sure where they are, that’s what we’re here to show you. Other than trying to read between the lines of his texts, figure out the more abstract signs he misses you by using these clues here. 

It is likely that the places to look for signs he misses you are the same places you show him that you miss him. Shocking, right? [Read: 30 weird facts about guys, their deviant minds, crushes, and love life]

Now for those of you in a long-distance relationship, let’s take a look at the signs that he misses you when you’re apart.

The subtle and yet strongest signs your boyfriend misses you badly

Annoyingly, your boyfriend can play it really cool even though they’re dying to be with you. If your boyfriend is a master at hiding how he feels, these signs he misses you can help you figure him out.

These are the signs that your boyfriend misses you. [Read: I miss my boyfriend – 20 warm ways to get through it when you miss your man]

1. How’s he texting?

This is probably one of the biggest signs he secretly misses you when you two aren’t together. How often is he texting you now? Has the frequency increased? [Read: What to think when suddenly your boyfriend texts less often]

This is even more obvious if he isn’t one to text all day long, to begin with. But since you’re not together, he’s texting you a bunch.

This is mostly because he just wants to talk to you. He wants to know what you’re up to and he wants to feel like he’s involved. [Read: How to tell if a guy likes you through texting]

2. He calls when he normally hates talking on the phone

If you’re getting a call from your man and you know how much he doesn’t like talking on the phone, it’s a big sign he misses you. He just wants to hear your voice.

However, keep in mind that he may also just be busy, and talking on the phone is a lot faster. Overall, you have to pay attention to what he says on the phone. 

Is he just making small talk or is he giving you quick, need-to-know information? The former proves he misses you. [Read: Why do men hate talking on the phone?]

3. He is very curious

This doesn’t mean he is behaving curiously. Instead, he is curious about what is going on with you. He may not come out and say he misses you, but he wants to know the scoop.

He wants to know how your day was. And he wants the latest gossip with your friends and how your aunt’s surgery went. 

He asks about everything and remembers everything you say. Taking the time to care and think about you when you aren’t together are signs he is missing you. [Read: The 16 sure signs your man is smitten with you]

4. He interacts with all your social media posts

Whether you post a cute selfie or an Instagram story of your lunch, he is on it. He likes and views everything you post. He may even message you or comment about it too.

He’s doing this because he’s using any chance he can to start a conversation and interact because he misses you.

5. Tags you on social media

If he tags you in memes and posts he thinks you’re interested in, he misses you. [Read: Social media and relationships – the good, the bad, and the ugly]

Say he is scrolling to Twitter or Instagram, if something catches his eye and he thinks you’ll find it cute or funny or just slightly relevant, he will send it to you. This shows you are always on his mind even when he is mindlessly scrolling.

This is just a clear sign he totally misses you. Seeing all of those memes and immediately thinking of you shows you that his mind is already on you. [Read: The happy couple’s guide to social media etiquette]

6. He texts you after seeing that you’ve been active online

Your man might be relatively quiet all day until you hop on Facebook. Once he sees you sharing and liking pictures, he’ll text you if he misses you.

This is one of the top signs he secretly misses you purely because he wants to be included. He knows you’re available and wants to get in on some of the fun. So, he’ll send you a text or he’ll even call you. [Read: How to be the best girlfriend ever – 25 awesome ways to leave him addicted to you]

7. He talks about random stuff just to keep the conversation going

A great way to know if your man misses you is to pay attention to what he’s talking about. If he’s just rambling on and on about stuff that’s normally pointless to both of you, he misses you.

He’ll do this because he wants to keep the conversation going. He wants to talk to you. 

That’s the whole point of basically anything he does when he misses you. He wants to hear your voice to just chat and joke with you. [Read: 25 signs he loves you even if he doesn’t say it out loud]

8. He suggests video chatting

If hopping on Facetime and other video chatting apps is completely his idea, then he misses you more than you know. It’s a time-suck to video chat. You can’t do anything else besides sit there and talk.

So if he’s making it a point to video chat with you, he totally misses you. You’ll also know this is true if he starts complimenting you and flirting right when you start the video.

9. He mentions the old days

When you talk, he always brings up times when you were together. If he mentions when you first met or a great date you had and is all about reminiscing, he truly misses you. [Read: Old love letters and memories – keep or throw them?]

If he is thinking about times when he didn’t miss you, he may be trying to relive those memories because he misses you so much right now.

10. He reaches out without a reason

Most people have a reason to reach out to their loved ones via call or text. Either they have a question or news or they’re making plans. If he just reaches out to say what’s up or grasping at straws to talk to you, he misses you and wants to talk.

If he can’t come up with an excuse to talk to you other than asking what’s up or how did you sleep, he definitely misses you. [Read: 15 things to do when you miss your guy but can’t talk to him]

11. He’s always quick to respond

You interact with your man all the time. You know how long it normally takes him to answer texts and calls. So, a great way to know if he misses you or not is to pay attention to his response time.

Is he responding right away or does he take forever? If he texts you back a minute or two after you send the text, he misses you. 

It’s like he’s sitting by his phone waiting for you to contact him. And that’s because he wishes you were there. [Read: 15 ways guys text differently when they like you]

12. His friends tell you he misses you

Whether you share friends with him or not, his friends will show signs he misses you. Whether they come out and say it or not, you should be able to read the signs. 

Depending on his friends, they may reach out to you because they want to know you better as you are so important to their friends. They may not like you because all he does is talk about you. 

If his friends add you on social media, reach out to say happy birthday or really anything of the sort, it is because your guy is talking about you. A lot! [Read: How to accept your guy’s friends and get them to accept you]

13. He shares news

It is normal for a guy you have a long-distance relationship with to call and let you know he got a promotion. If he’s reaching out for even the smallest news like a killer breakfast burrito, he misses you a lot. [Read: 25 signs he loves you even if he’s never said it out loud]

Informing you of big news is one thing, but if he calls you right after he sees a movie, eats lunch, or goes to the dentist to fill you in, he is dying to talk to you and misses you badly. 

14. He will do anything to make plans

He could live across the country or down the street, but if he is willing to do anything to see you, he misses you. [Read: 40 cute texts to make a guy miss you and think of you more often]

This could mean he is willing to take a connecting redeye flight to see you for 24 hours. Or he is willing to drive you to the mall to buy your grandma a robe just to hang out with you. 

He will offer to go grocery shopping with you, build an Ikea shelf, or do pretty much anything to make sure he sees you.

15. Drunk texts and calls

As has been said for years, the drunk mouth is the sober mind. If he is reaching out to you when he has had a little too much to drink, it is because he has lost all chill. 

Usually, when a guy drunk texts you in general, it means you’re on his mind quite a bit. He’s taking time away from their friends and drinks to show you how much he’s thinking about you. [Read: Drunk texting – how to avoid the awkward drama of drunk texts]

16. He schedules calls

This does not sound romantic, but it’s a definite sign he misses you. If a guy is showing signs he misses you, he makes time for you. 

If he has a busy schedule, he will tell you he’ll call at six or even schedule a daily or weekly chat so you are always talking even if you can’t be 24/7. [Read: 15 cell-phone rules every couple has to follow to build real trust]

17. Making date plans

Another thing your man will talk about when he misses you is what he wants to do when you’re together again. He’ll bring up new date ideas. He’ll ask about what you want to do.

Mostly, he just wants to envision you two together again. This is because he misses you so much and misses going out on a date. [Read: Perfect date – 36 secrets to be a good date, plan an ideal one, and impress them]

The best way to pinpoint this as one of the signs he misses you is to determine when he brings it up. Is it completely random? Then he misses you.

18. He wants to see you

He will ask for photos continuously. Sure, this could be sexual or not. A guy that truly misses you will be happy seeing a warped Snapchat picture of you. 

They will prefer FaceTime over talking on the phone and will take any opportunity to see your face. [Read: Obsessive love: 15 ways to tell if it’s real or unhealthy]

19. He wants you to know he’s thinking about you

For some guys, just saying he misses you is too vulnerable. They would just rather show it. And he won’t always be subtle about it. 

He may send you flowers randomly or surprise you with a trip or gift. If he misses you, he won’t hide it for long.

20. You’re his influencer

You like a movie and you suggested it to him? He’s watched it already. You like a certain kind of music, and now he tells you he gave it a listen and likes it too? [Read: How guys flirt – 15 things they do differently to impress a girl they like]

If he starts to like all of your tastes and visits all of your favorite restaurants or falls in love with the desserts you love, it clearly shows just how much and how often he thinks of you!

21. His face brightens up

Is he excited to see you when you meet him? If a guy has been missing you, his face will light up with a big grin and a spring in his step. He may not say it straight, but his enthusiasm may give away the signs he’s been missing you.

22. He buys you thoughtful gifts just because

So he was away for a couple of days and got you a souvenir? Or was he out shopping and picked up a cute scarf for you in the exact shade that you love? [Read: 20 secrets guys wish girls knew about guys]

It’s not the expense that shows he misses you, it’s the gesture and the thoughtfulness that went into the gift that shows you just how much a guy misses you and remembers the little details about you even when you aren’t around.

23. He remembers

Does he remember all of your special days, the events going on in your life, and even the smallest details like your dentist appointment that’s on Thursday at 11 am? 

Seriously, it’s like he misses you so much he’s given a special space in his brain for thoughts about you that run continuously 24/7! Of course, he misses you! [Read: 15 romantic anniversary ideas to leave your love speechless]

24. He tells you

And last but not the least, let’s talk about the most obvious sign. If a guy tells you he misses you, and you’re seeing a few of these signs already, not only does he mean it, he probably means it a lot! 

A guy may not want to wear his heart on his sleeve and reveal something he considers vulnerable. But if he says he misses you, that’s a very good sign he wants you to know that. And also, that he cares for you!

Now that we’ve looked at the signs that a long-distance boyfriend misses you, for those of you who have just broken up, let’s take a look at the signs that an ex-boyfriend does. [Read: Signs he’s telling the truth when he says he misses you]

Does he miss me? The ways your ex-boyfriend says he misses you without saying a word

If you want to know if your ex misses you, look at what he does. Look at where he went since you left, and whether he moved on or stayed stuck. 

If he is in the same position, doing the same things, or even doing stupid shit uncharacteristic of him, those things all say, “God, I wish I had her back.”

1. He hasn’t found anyone else

You’ve been broken up for almost six months. Although you hear of him dating some girls, he still hasn’t found anyone to share his bed with at night. [Read: 20 signs your ex wants you back in their life]

A guy occupies his lonely space, but if he hasn’t found anyone to catch his eye for very long, then you may just be taking up that space in his mind.

2. He’s sleeping around 

This is something you may not want to hear. But, guys who miss the woman they can’t have often exhibit careless behaviors. Like sleeping with anyone and everyone to get the girl they love off their mind.

The problem is that no one is you, but they continue trying anyway. If he wasn’t a player before you, and suddenly turned into one, there is something behind his drive to screw everyone in town. [Read: Perfect tease – How to keep a guy interested after sleeping with him]

3. He pops up in unexpected places

If you notice him popping up in unexpected places, like your work or at the gym, there is a good reason to believe he hopes to get a look at you and make sure you are still around.

His way of maintaining his distance and not giving in, but don’t underestimate those small “bump into meetings.” You likely never saw him there before, so now is no different. [Read: 24 subtle signs he misses you badly every time you aren’t around]

4. He hasn’t changed his Facebook status

Okay, not every guy is hung up on social media, but many are. When a guy is ready to move on, he makes it known to everyone around him. 

If he did it right up front, that might have been a brash decision, and he likely won’t change it back.

But, if after a couple of months, he still hasn’t changed his committed relationship status, then that may be a sign he is waiting for you to return. [Read: How to be friends with an ex without any complications]

5. He pumps your friends for information

If he still sees your friends and can’t help but ask about you, that probably isn’t simply a concern for an old friend. 

Continually pumping for an update about who you are seeing, if you are okay, or how things are going with you means he is probably trying to weigh his odds of making his way back into your life. 

6. After repeatedly asking, he hasn’t returned your things

When a relationship is done, you signal the end by divvying things up. If you repeatedly asked for some of your things back, and he refuses to oblige, he is trying to hold onto a piece of you.

If he didn’t miss you or hope someday to win you back, he would just give them back and be done. [Read: Deleting pictures of an ex – The psychology behind it and why we do it]

7. He regularly drunk dials

If you get a call at two a.m. from his number when he has been out drinking, then you know when his inhibitions are down, you crawl right back up into his head. Don’t think that it is just about a booty call.

If you are the first thing he thinks about when his brain goes to la-la-land, that means you aren’t out of his picture yet. Be cautious if this happens only once, but more than that is a pretty big sign. 

8. He still has pictures of you all over the place

If he still has your picture up in his living room, by his bedside, or even on his social media, then he is definitely not over you. [Read: Is your ex still thinking of you? All the signs to know]

Keeping your picture around would be irritating to him and scare away other girls if he was ready to move on. An inability to remove those items has “miss you” written all over it.

9. His friends tell you he isn’t doing well

His best friend’s job is to help him get past his old girlfriend and move on to the next. If you see his old friends, and they sing you a sad story about how unwell he is, take note. 

Maybe they tell you how he is depressed and isn’t himself anymore; that is their signal to you that you should step in to help. [Read: How to get over a bad breakup and start feeling really good again]

If he didn’t miss you, his friends would barely say more than “hi” and make idle conversation. 

10. His life has fallen apart

Guys think they are so tough that they can let someone they love go and will be totally okay. The problem is they don’t understand how much they rely on and need someone until they are gone. By then, it’s too late. [Read: 20 happy ways to make someone think of you and desire and miss you]

If he is depressed, his apartment and job have gone to shit. He looks like a woodsman who hasn’t changed his clothes in a month, those are all signs he misses the time you had together. 

11. He makes a point of apologizing

One of the biggest indicators that a guy misses you is if they come back to apologize for the way they treated you. It takes a lot of courage, and the loss of a lot of pride, for a guy to admit he is wrong. [Read: How to forgive and forget – 24 thoughts to decide on the right step]

He may not say “I miss you” or “come back”, but those two words, “I’m sorry” are sometimes even more powerful than begging. [Read: How to get your ex-boyfriend back after a regretful parting]

12. He hasn’t kicked you off his social media sites

When you are really done with someone, you go about de-friending them and kicking them out of your world. 

If you are still friends, he is still on your feed and still a follower of your accounts, he is still interested in what you are up to. That typically means he still misses you. [Read: Deleting pictures of an ex – The psychology behind it & why we do it]

13. He’s jealous if you’re dating someone

Whether you have mutual friends or he just sees you out on a date with another guy, he acts like he’s jealous. 

He may or may not even try to hide his jealousy. But even if he tries to hide it, you can probably figure out that the green-eyed monster is on his shoulder.

14. He talks about “the good old days”

If you are still speaking with him, he might talk about old memories. [Read: How to heal from the pain of loving someone who doesn’t love you back]

He might say things like, “Remember how great our first date was?” or “That weekend we went skiing was so much fun.”

If he is reminiscing about how much fun the two of you had together, you better believe he is still thinking about you—and missing you.

15. He hints around at missing you

Just as we discussed with talking about the good old days, if he hints around a lot like that, then that is a sign he misses you. [Read: How to tell when a guy is jealous – 25 hints he just can’t hide]

He could say things like “I wish I could find someone to hang out with that I have as much fun with as you.”

He might not want to come out and tell you directly how he feels. But he hopes that by being indirect and hinting around, you will come to the realization that you miss him too.

16. He tries to make you jealous

If you have a mutual friend group, he might show up to a party with another girl on purpose. Not only that, but he might also have his hands all over her, all while giving you looks from across the room. [Read: How to make a girl jealous and leave her begging for your attention]

Doing all of these things are unnecessary, and he’s probably just trying to make you jealous. 

If he didn’t miss you or still care, he wouldn’t bother trying to do that because it wouldn’t be worth the effort. [Read: How to make your ex jealous and leave them begging for forgiveness]

17. He wants to meet and catch up

Whether you speak to him regularly through text or it’s once in a blue moon, he wants to meet up to see how life is going for you. 

He might suggest getting a coffee or going to happy hour. But if he’s trying to keep it casual like he’s just another one of your friends, you can rest assured that he is missing you.

If he didn’t miss you, he wouldn’t want to see you, right? [Read: How to tell when a guy is jealous – 25 hints he just can’t hide]

18. He texts to “see how you’re doing”

Maybe you don’t see him anymore or even text him much. But if he pops up here and there on occasion to ask how you’re doing, it could be that he’s not doing well and wants to see if you feel the same. [Read: How to tell what a guy wants from you – the guy decoding guide]

19. He stalks you on social media

It’s normal for people to occasionally like or comment on other people’s posts or photos on social media. But if he’s being blatantly obvious that is practically stalking you, then you know he misses you.

20. He always seems happy to see you

If you run into him at the store, on campus, or at a restaurant, he always has a big smile on his face and greets you with open arms. 

This means he is still feeling warm feelings of affection for you and has no bitterness at all. In fact, he has nothing but warm fuzzies when he sees you. [Read: 49 fastest steps to get over a breakup with your ex-boyfriend and forget him]

21. He jokes about getting back together

He might say things like, “I know you want me back, don’t you!” If he says that, then it’s probably because the opposite is true—he wants you back. 

Or he could say things like, “Oh you know we’re still going to get married, right?” Joking around like that is an easy way to get the truth out because it’s masked in humor.

22. He can’t move on

He might be dating people, maybe a lot of different people. If he can’t settle on just one, that means he can’t find anyone to replace you. [Read: Does my ex miss me? 23 signs your ex is clearly not over you yet]

He could be comparing them to you. Or maybe he is just trying to distract himself and keep busy. If he doesn’t want another serious relationship, then it’s probably because he misses you.

23. He talks about “what ifs”

Maybe when the two of you were together you planned a big trip, but it never happened because you broke up. If he brings it up by saying, “If only we didn’t break up, we could have gone on that trip.”

Or, he could say things like, “What if we had gotten married?” Do you think we would have had kids? What do you think they would have looked like?” [Read: How to make your ex miss you – 17 subtle ways to make them want you]

If he does, then it’s a clear sign that he hasn’t moved on.

24. He wears and shows off the gifts you gave him

If the two of you were together for a while, you probably gave him many gifts for special occasions such as birthdays, Christmas, and other popular holidays.

So, if you notice that he wearing a shirt, shoes, watch, or anything else that you gave him, then he misses you. Maybe he’s trying to give you a signal by showing these off. Or he could just feel more comforted because these items remind him of you.

25. He tries to sext with you

Sure, he might just be horny and so that’s why he wants to sext with you.

However, he would have to be pretty dumb to do that if he didn’t want you back. Because think about what message that sends to you! [Read: 23 hot ways to sext a guy and 48 naughty examples to make him hot and hard]

So, if he’s trying to get you to sext or is sending photos of his private parts without you asking, then he is hoping you will miss him too. Of course, it’s up to you whether or not you want to participate in sexting with him.

26. He flirts with your friends to make you jealous

If you have similar friend groups, he might try to flirt with your friends. Maybe he likes them, maybe he doesn’t. But regardless, he is probably trying to make you jealous.

While this might sound like a compliment, it really isn’t. It’s classless and insulting to both you and your friends.

What does this say about his character? That’s up to you to decide. [Read: How to stop obsessing over an ex and free your mind for something new]

27. He’s close and keeps in touch with your family and friends

If you were together for a long time, he’d naturally get close to your friends and family. And if he spent a lot of time with them, then he might miss them in his life just as he misses you.

Even if he doesn’t miss them specifically, maybe he is keeping in touch with them because he wants to hear about how you are doing. He doesn’t want to seem desperate by contacting you directly, so he thinks that talking to them will keep him connected to you.

Missing your ex is natural – to a degree

The reality is if you went through a lot together. He is naturally going to miss you. [Read: When your ex wants you back – 20 steps to decide what’s best for YOU]

Depending on how things ended, if things were ugly or tame, there are going to be parts of him that will miss the good times that you shared. 

Even if, at the time of the break, the bad ones outweighed them. Time and distance make us see things in a different light.

The past gives us a perspective we didn’t have in the heat of the battle. If you were once in love, there is always going to be some part of him that loves and misses the “you and him” you used to be. [Read: Should I block my ex? 17 signs to help you decide what’s best for YOU]

If that is enough to make him come back or not, we can’t tell you. But we just know that as much as you miss him, he probably equally misses you.

You see the signs, what should you do if your ex-boyfriend misses you?

You’ve seen many of the ‘does he miss me’ yes signs. So, what should you do? Basically, that’s up to you. Should you try and approach him? Only you can answer that. 

What you need to remember is that sometimes, reviving the past doesn’t always go the way we want it to. [Read: 15 signs an ex is confused about their wants and feelings and what to do]

Has the reason you split up been resolved? Or maybe there is work to be done. Can it even be overcome? 

Maybe it’s best to simply hold the memories in your mind and move on with a smile on your face. He may miss you, for sure. But unless there’s a solid reason to try and work things out, sometimes things are best left in the past.

[Read: Dating your ex again – How to know where you went wrong and whether it’s worth a second shot]

If you are wondering, “does he miss me,” stop waiting to hear it from him and look around. The signs can be much more powerful.

The post Does He Miss Me? 55 Signs & Ways a Guy Shows a Girl He’s Thinking of Her is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.