31 Subtle Qualities of a Good Husband that Make or Break a Happy Marriage

You don’t want to stay single, but you don’t know who to settle down with. Use these qualities of a good husband to help you find your forever man!

If you’re thinking about the future and on the lookout for a man to grow old with, what are the qualities of a good husband you should keep an eye out for? 

If you’re searching for the perfect man, let us stop you right there. He doesn’t exist. This is a mythical creature created by Disney and other movie directors to cause a world of relationship anxiety!

The perfect man is akin to a unicorn because nobody is perfect. Be honest, you’re not perfect either! Nobody should even attempt to be perfect, because quite frankly, life would be extremely boring.

However, that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t be looking out for specific qualities in someone who you’re thinking about spending a significant portion of your life with, if not all of it. 

[Read: The 41 best qualities of a good man that sets him apart from lesser men]

Why is it important to know the qualities of a good husband?

When you’re dating, following a checklist of the most important qualities of a good husband isn’t going to actually find you a good husband. Sure, it’ll lead you to a man who looks perfect on paper. But that doesn’t guarantee that that spark, that instant attraction, and that ability to fall in love will be there.

So, no, you shouldn’t follow this feature like it’s gospel. But it can still prove to be useful.

If you’re in a rut of dating bad men, maybe you need to do some self-reflection. It might be that maybe you’re not as unlucky as you thought.

Instead, you might be going for men who show red flags from day one, but you’re just not used to looking for them. [Read: 34 big relationship red flags most people completely ignore early on]

Learning what qualities make for a good husband might help you realize where you’ve been going wrong with the men you’ve been dating and what a long-term man actually looks like.

The qualities of a good husband that you need to look for in a man you love

Remember, everyone has different tastes, so these qualities might have a few added extras for some or a few omissions for others. Be open-minded, but remember that a good character usually includes the following qualities. 

1. No worries about showing affection

Nobody wants to be with a guy who has issues showing any type of affection. We all need a hug and a cuddle every now and again.

While you might not want to be in a constant bear hug, you do need human contact to show that you’re loved and adored. [Read: 28 cute ways to show affection in a relationship even if it feels awkward]

2. He’s an independent type of guy

One of the best qualities of a good husband is that he is independent and can stand on his own two feet. He doesn’t need to rely on anyone else. He can link up with you and create a life without barriers.

3. He is strong in his decisions

A guy who can’t make decisions is going to stress the life out of you. What happens when life throws you big decisions to make?

You need to know that you’re both on the same page. It means you need someone who is able to make strong decisions, just like you can. [Read: What is masculinity? 46 manly and toxic traits that women love and despise in men]

4. He has good morals

If you decide to have children someday, you should know that the father is able to be a good role model and show his morals.

Even if you don’t have children, a man with strong morals is a good man, and an extremely attractive one!

5. He gives you freedom because he trusts you

A man who trusts you will have no problems with you going out and living your life, seeing your friends, etc. He does this because he knows that he can trust you. He knows that you will always come back to him at the end of the day.

The flip side of this is someone who is constantly calling and turning up when you’re out, checking up on you and seeing what you’re doing. That’s not what you need! [Read: The signs of a toxic boyfriend that should make you move away fast]

6. He always uses his manners

There is nothing more attractive than a man who uses his manners! We’re talking about using his “please” and “thank you”s, being kind to waiters in restaurants, etc. This is one of the best qualities of a good husband because it shows respect for others. 

7. He shows his appreciation for you

Everyone wants to feel appreciated. A man who shows that he appreciates all the things you do for him will be a good husband and partner for life. [Read: 25 love-filled ways to say “I appreciate you” without words]

8. He is patient

Every couple argues from time to time. A man with patience will be able to side-step small issues and realize that the bigger picture matters far more than a little spat.

This means not simply jumping towards anger when something small goes wrong but actually communicating to reach a common goal. [Read: 42 secrets to communicate better in a relationship and ways to fix a lack of it]

9. He doesn’t give up easily

A man who is willing to fight for his family and keep working, even when things are tough, is someone you can rely upon. You’ll feel more secure in your relationship because you know that his persistence and tenacity will keep you all safe and secure. 

10. He isn’t at the beck and call of his friends

Let’s be honest, some guys go running when their friends click their fingers. While you want him to spend time with his guys, you also want him to put your relationship and family as a priority.

A guy who is able to find the balance between friends and family is a keeper. [Read: The signs friends are ruining your relationship and what to do about it]

11. He is hardworking

A hardworking man will always help you to achieve your dreams, just as you will help him achieve his. At the same time, he will do his fair share in terms of providing for you and your future children *if you choose to have them*.

Let’s be honest, a hardworking man is also sexy as hell!

12. He knows that all work and no play is no fun

At the same time as being hardworking, you don’t want a guy who has no time for fun. If a guy knows how to laugh, do silly things, and basically enjoy the time you spend together, that’s one of the best qualities of a good husband. [Read: What makes a guy a good life partner and the perfect husband material?]

13. He is a positive person

While everyone has their down days, being with someone who is constantly negative will suck the life out of you and leave you feeling down.

If your husband is a positive and upbeat person most of the time, you’ll live a happy life together. 

14. He understands you and what is important to you

Your relationship will be much more successful and enjoyable if you understand each other. One of the qualities of a good husband is that he understands you at your very core and what is important to you. 

15. He is consistent

A man who says one thing and does another is not a good husband. Equally, a man who says something and then changes his mind the next day isn’t someone you can reliably plan a life with.

A good husband is consistent. He does what he says he’s going to do. Sure, we all make mistakes occasionally, but on the whole, this is something to look for. [Read: Signs the guy you’re with deserves your trust]

16. He doesn’t hold grudges

A guy who holds grudges based on the tiniest thing will be difficult to build a future with. Grudges can easily turn toxic and negative. Over time, these will eat away at your happiness.

On the other hand, a guy who knows how to forgive and forget will prove to be a positive and enjoyable partner. [Read: How to handle the sting of resentment in a relationship and overcome it]

17. He’s compassionate

Being compassionate certainly helps with not holding grudges.

You’re going to be with this man for the rest of your life, so a good husband would have to be compassionate to make that life together a good one.

18. He’s good with self-control

When you’re married, everything you do no longer just affects you. It affects your spouse, any children you have, pets you may own, and even your financial situation.

So, a good husband knows how to have self-control. He won’t spend all of his time playing video games when housework needs to be done or the kids need to be taken care of. He won’t eat all of the food in the fridge and make everyone else go hungry. All because he knows when enough is enough.

19. You’re each other’s best friend

When people say “you should marry your best friend,” they’re not wrong. You spend so much time together, share everything personal and physical about yourself with them, and love them more than you’ve loved anyone.

If, after all of that, there was something that prevented you from being best friends, there might be something wrong in the relationship.

That’s why a good husband will also be your best friend.

20. He works to resolve conflict

Some people enter into conflict with the idea that they have to be the ones to yell the loudest. But that is an immature way to approach a problem.

A good husband knows that he’s never fighting you, he’s fighting with you against the problem. He’ll calmly explain his side, listen when you explain yours, and work to find a compromise that suits everyone. [Read: Why fighting in a relationship is important and how to do it right]

21. He’s trustworthy

Love isn’t enough to keep a relationship going. You also need trust to act as the foundation of a strong relationship. [Read: How to build trust in a relationship and learn to be loyal and loving]

A good husband is trustworthy, dependable, and reliable through anything. He needs to be since he’ll be there to support you through everything for the rest of your life.

22. He never stops chasing you

Just because he’s put a ring on that, doesn’t mean he can stop trying!

A good husband will continue to date you long after he’s married you. He will take you out on surprise dates, buy you flowers, and flirt with you. Because he knows the value of making you feel wanted and desired. [Read: Married sex – 38 sex ideas and naughty tips to spice it up and stay passionate]

23. He views you as his partner

This should be a given, but some bad husbands haven’t quite gotten the memo. A good husband views you as his partner, so when you take care of him, he’ll take care of you.

Whatever burdens you face, he’ll shoulder them with you equally. A good husband never takes you for granted.

24. He knows how to manage his finances

When you’re single, you can be stupid with your financial decisions. We wouldn’t recommend it, but if you want to spend all your money on things you don’t need instead of saving for the future, that’s on you.

But when you’re married, you have to be more financially responsible. After all, you’re tied together. So whatever debt you have, your partner will also have to deal with it. [Read: How to talk about money with your partner without fighting about it]

A good husband would never put his spouse through the stress of his own financial irresponsibility. He would be smart to save up for a home, for children, and for emergencies. Because a good husband takes care of you, even financially.

25. He stays faithful

When a good husband says his vows, he means them. If he wasn’t serious about being with you for the rest of his life, he wouldn’t take you down the aisle. That’s a seriously bad husband move.

26. He puts his family first

Being a good husband and being a family man go hand-in-hand. He’ll never complain.

Instead, he’ll happily make sacrifices for the family, lovingly take care of everyone, and be a good father day in and day out. You’ll never have to question if your family is the most important thing in the world to a good husband.

27. He loves you as you are

If you feel secure knowing that your husband will love you regardless of how old you become, how much weight you gain or lose, or how questionable your next bold haircut is, then you have yourself a good husband.

He doesn’t love you for anything superficial or shallow. He loves you for you, flaws and all.

What are the qualities of a bad husband?

Remember, this list of the qualities of a good husband is not definitive and it is not law. A person doesn’t have to tick off all these qualities to be considered a good husband.

So, before you panic and think that you’re dating a man who could end up being a bad husband just because he doesn’t tick every box, let’s quickly go through what actually makes a bad husband. Because it takes more than just being forgetful or a bit lazy about taking you on lavish dates.

1. Controlling or possessive behavior

A husband who has a say on what you wear, the friends you keep, or even when you leave the house and where you can go, is not a husband you deserve to have.

There is no redemption for a possessive or controlling husband, either. There is no talking to them because they don’t listen to reason. [Read: 23 early signs of a possessive man and the best ways to fix it ASAP]

2. Over-the-top jealousy

You can’t even talk to the guy who’s checking out your groceries without a bad husband accusing you of flirting or even having an affair with this stranger.

And no matter how many times you defend yourself, he always accuses you of being unfaithful. [Read: How to stop being jealous for no reason and learn to live envy-free]

3. He takes you for granted

Picture yourself marrying the guy you’re seeing right now. If in your mind’s eye, you picture him taking you for granted, ditch him while you still can.

You’re his wife, for god’s sake! He should be thanking the universe for guiding him to you, not treating you like a maid, a servant, a chef, a dry cleaner, and an emotional punching bag.

If he already takes you for granted and never makes any attempt to stop even when you tell him how much it hurts you, show him the door!

4. He’s unfaithful

No matter what kind of excuse an unfaithful husband might come out with, they are a bad husband through and through. There is truly no excuse for adultery.

If he had any respect for his spouse, he would never go behind her back like that.

Last words

Remember, nobody is perfect. You cannot write these qualities down and then go out with a clipboard, ticking items off whenever you meet a new guy!

Instead, focus on finding someone who ticks most items off your list, and be prepared to bend a little and compromise. It’s helpful to remember that you’re not perfect either!

Next, check out, these 30 must-follow relationship rules for happy love that can transform your love life forever!

The qualities of a good husband may vary from person to person. Overall, being a stand-up guy, someone who is humble, has good morals, a sense of humor and fun, and willingness to work hard for his family are things you should be looking for.

The post 31 Subtle Qualities of a Good Husband that Make or Break a Happy Marriage is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

Pregnancy Scare: 17 Calm Steps for Women & Men to Handle It Together

Condoms can break and birth control can fail. When that happens, it’s good to know how to deal with a pregnancy scare for yourself or your partner.

If you’re sexually active, then you’ve most likely had a pregnancy scare at some point in your sexual history. Whether you’ve been two days late or two weeks late, the scare is all the same, aka, it is horrifically terrifying!

Your youth flashes before your eyes. Your career flashes before your eyes. Even your relationship flashes before your eyes. Suddenly, everything comes to a standstill and you don’t know what to think or what to do.

We understand how scary this can be, but it’s important to have self-control at times like these. So, we’ve prepared a step-by-step guide to calmly handle a pregnancy scare.

[Read: Pull out method – 28 pros, cons, and truths about the withdrawal method]

What you should do when you’re having a pregnancy scare

If you’re having sex, then you need to be prepared for the possibility of pregnancy. Even if you’re 100% consistent in taking whatever form of birth control you have and you always use protection, there is still a chance of having a baby if you’re engaging in intercourse.

It’s scary. It’s a hard thing to talk about. You’re probably searching a ton of different websites to confirm or deny that you’re pregnant when really you just need to know what to do. [Read: Tokophobia – everything you need to know about the fear of pregnancy]

If you’re worried that you might be having a pregnancy scare, here are the steps you can take next.

For the ladies

If we’re being really honest here, men and women deal with pregnancy scares very differently. That being said, we really need to address this issue from both ends. Here are the different steps that all of you ladies can take.

1. Remain calm

The worst thing you can do if you think you’re pregnant is freak out. It won’t make anything any easier. Since it’s only a scare at this point, you don’t have anything to really worry about. You have to keep an open mind and stay calm if you want to figure out the truth behind the mistake. [Read: Baby-free reasons why you missed your period]

2. Make a plan

Before you start running around like a chicken with its head cut off, you have to make a plan. Sit down, take out a notepad, and write down what you’re going to do next.

It’s easy to get flustered when you don’t have a plan. So decide what you’re going to do next and then stick to the plan, no matter what.

3. Take emergency contraception

Maybe you’ve just woken up from a night of fooling around with that one, horrible, thought, “did we use protection?” If you didn’t, or if you can’t remember, then don’t worry. Head to your local pharmacy and get yourself emergency contraception.

The sooner you take it after sex, the better it protects you against unwanted pregnancy, so don’t delay.

4. Figure out how far along in your cycle you are

Some people start freaking out about being pregnant before they have even missed their period. Miscounting the dates from your last period can be pretty easy when you’re in a panicked state.

If you don’t track your period, try to remember when you last had it and how long you usually go between periods. And don’t forget that periods can be late due to stress, increased exercise, and even diet changes. [Read: 15 things women wish men knew about the female body]

5. Take note of any potential pregnancy symptoms

When you notice how late your period is, it can be easy to let your mind run away with panicked thoughts of a pregnancy scare. But after figuring out how far along in your cycle you are, it can also be useful to think of any pregnancy symptoms you’ve had.

Symptoms include *but are not limited to*:

a. Morning sickness

b. Fatigue

c. Food cravings

d. Smell sensitivity

If you haven’t noticed any of these symptoms in yourself, then this can help you to calm down. However, if you have noticed symptoms like feeling nauseous in the morning or feeling unusually tired, then it might be time to plan your next step. [Read: How to tell if you’re pregnant – the early signs to keep an eye on]

6. Take an over-the-counter pregnancy test

When most people figure that they have missed their period or are late, they run down to the drug store and grab a pregnancy test. The best time to take one of these is in the morning, so wait until then if you can. It’ll be more accurate the more potent your urine is.

If you can’t remember if you’re late or not on your period, there are certain pregnancy tests that can detect early pregnancy up to a week before your missed period. Just don’t rely 100% on these tests, because they can be wrong and give you false readings.

7. Make an appointment with a professional

No matter what your over-the-counter tests say, if you have missed a period by more than a week, you should make an appointment with a healthcare professional. That’s the only way you can be 100% sure if you’re pregnant or not.

And if you’re not pregnant, then they can look into other health reasons as to why you’re not having your period.

8. Communicate and include your partner in every step

If you’ve figured out that your period really is late, you should talk to your partner about it. Now, some people will say that you shouldn’t tell them until you’re 100% sure one way or the other, but we have to disagree.

It takes two people to have sex and to get pregnant, therefore it should take two people to go through the steps if there just happens to be a pregnancy scare. Informing them may scare them a little, but it’s better that they know.

If you took the test and got either a positive or negative, tell them that. If you want to go see a professional, tell them. They may want to be there to support you, or it may give them peace of mind.

Either way, they’re in this for the long haul and should be included. [Read: 42 secrets to communicate better in a relationship and ways to fix a lack of it]

For the men

Men are often stereotyped as running away scared whenever they hear that their significant other could possibly be pregnant. Now, this isn’t true for all men, but for some men, a pregnancy scare can be incredibly, well, scary. So guys, here’s how you can handle a pregnancy scare.

1. Listen

Men have a tendency to let their emotions get in the way of their ability to listen to a situation fully, especially when it has to do with pregnancy. But make sure to listen to what your partner is saying before reacting because it could be better than what you’re imagining. [Read: 19 ways to be a much better listener in a relationship and read their mind]

2. DON’T freak out and run

When you hear that she might be pregnant, don’t freak out and run away. All you’re doing is abandoning her in a difficult time *yes, it’s hard for her, too* and potentially abandoning a child of yours.

So grow up and see the situation through. After all, there would not be a situation to handle if it weren’t for you. [Read: 60 perfect traits to be a good boyfriend that’ll make you better than the best!]

3. Make a plan with your partner

Sit down with your significant other and go through all of the steps you should be taking next. Make a list of what you need to do, and then make sure to ask her if she needs anything from you.

Oftentimes, women feel like they have to be the tough ones so that you don’t run away scared, but she could be breaking inside.

4. See the plan through

After the plan is set, see it through! Don’t just go through the motions and then plan to skip out at the first available opportunity. If you have certain things to do in this situation, then do them and do them well.

5. Be there for her no matter what

This is the most important step that you have to follow through with. You have to be there for her. No matter what happens and what the pregnancy tests say, at the end of the day, you have to be there for her and support her in any way she needs. [Read: How to know if you’re both ready to have a baby]

How to prevent a pregnancy scare in the first place

If you’re panicking over the thought of being pregnant now, you probably don’t ever want to worry about this again! Unfortunately, there are a lot of myths and misconceptions out there about what can and can’t cause pregnancy. [Read: Can you get pregnant from precum? And other answers you must know]

Just to refresh your sex-education memory, here are a few key points to remember to prevent a pregnancy scare in the future:

1. Track your period

If you don’t know when your period is meant to start, then you won’t know when your period is late. The best way to do this is to use one of the many apps designed to track periods that are available on the app store.

Using apps rather than a traditional calendar or period journal is way more useful as they can send you notifications when your period is late. [Read: Great relationship apps you need to download today]

2. Use at least one form of contraception

Whether that’s a condom, the pill, an IUD, or the injection, the best way to prevent a pregnancy scare is to use some form of contraception. If you combine two forms of contraception, such as taking the pill and using a condom, then you’re even more secure against unwanted pregnancies.

One thing to note here though is that some forms of birth control can’t be used together. For instance, using a male condom and a female condom is a bad idea, as the friction is likely to cause both to tear.

3. Make informed decisions about the birth control you use

It’s also a good idea to be informed about what form of contraception is best for you, as it certainly isn’t a one-size-fits-all situation.

For instance, the pill is great for preventing pregnancy without getting in the way of any sexual sensations, and with it being 99% effective at preventing pregnancies, it’s a great deal! But if you know that you’d forget to take it at the same time every day, then its efficiency drops to about 92%.

On the other hand, condoms are great, low-commitment options for preventing pregnancy, and they also protect against STDs, which other hormonal birth control options can’t. And with a 98% efficiency at preventing pregnancies, it’s certainly got your back. However, if the condom breaks, that percentage will drop right down.

4. Be smart about sex

If a guy is telling you that his pull-out game is flawless, ignore him. Even if he is an ace at pulling out at the last minute, precum can still get you pregnant, so it’s absolutely not a 100% effective method.

So long as you know what you’re doing when it comes to sex, you can make smart decisions to prevent sperm from getting anywhere near an egg.

Pregnancy scares can happen to just about any couple who is sexually active. If you’re ever stuck realizing that the condom that broke a few weeks ago may be coming back to haunt you, these steps can help get you through it.

The post Pregnancy Scare: 17 Calm Steps for Women & Men to Handle It Together is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

Sex Talk Gambit: Women's Sexual Subjectification

What if you could take the hot topic of sexual objectification… and turn it into an arousing subject for romantic exploration? With this gambit, you can.

Hey guys and welcome back. It has been a while since we’ve discussed sex talk gambits, and I decided to share one today to add another gambit to my compilation:

Table of Contents

1. Sexual Objectification

2. The Sexual Subjectification Gambit

   • A. Transitions

   • B. The Gambit

   • C. Mechanisms at Play

   • D. When and How to Use It

3. Bonus: The “Using Someone Gambit”

STICKIED: Sex Talk Gambits Compilation (And more).

Today’s gambit is ideal to use in early game, as it truly works as chick crack: an attention grab that gets girls talking, ideally what you want in early game since it helps generate a hook and solidify it.

But that does not mean you cannot use this gambit later. You can because you acquire other benefits such as sexual prizing. And sexual prizing is invaluable—conveying that you are a good lover through communicating traits that are usually attributed to great lovers: experience, skills, understanding, plus knowledge about sex, women, and relationships, as well as comfort building and pacing.

I’ll review the mechanisms at play and how to use the gambit.

So here is “the sexual subjectification” gambit. It’s about discussing objectification.

First, I’ll give my definition of objectification. If that bores you and you want to get straight to the gambit and the practical element, you can skip the section below.

Emotional Baggage: What It Is, Types, Causes, 27 Signs & Steps to Put It Down

Everyone has a past, but some people hold on to theirs more than others. If someone you know carries too much emotional baggage, here’s how you can help.

Undoubtedly, there are some of us with more emotional baggage than others. Like those who pack too much for vacation, if someone you love has overflowing bags, it is possible to help them lose their emotional load and be free.

But be careful, you could end up shouldering what they can’t possibly handle. To make sure that you help someone you love let go of their emotional baggage without you becoming burdened yourself, read on. [Read: Intimacy issues – what it looks like, 39 signs, causes, and tips to date with it]

What is emotional baggage?

Well, if we had to put it elegantly, emotional baggage is a shitbag of all the things in our past that hurt or damaged our psyche in some way.

An inevitable part of life, we all pick up emotional baggage as we make our way through our own journeys. When we fall out with friends, break up with our first loves, experience failure, and lose a loved one, we carry part of the hurt and grief of that with us our whole lives.

[Read: How your first love affects your future relationships]

The problem with carrying a heavy load

While we all carry some level of emotional baggage, some people hold on to more than others. But when you carry more than you can handle, you buckle under the weight.

Carrying more emotional baggage than you have room for leads to all kinds of problems. It can affect your self-esteem and sense of self, hold you back from future opportunities or relationships, and it can even lead to some serious mental health problems like depression and anxiety.

Signs someone you know is burdened by their emotional baggage

When someone you love is struggling, whether you know the signs or not, you can tell. But often, having that gut feeling that something isn’t right but not knowing the exact signs to look for can be frustrating and oftentimes cause more problems.

If you think that someone you love is being weighed down by their emotional baggage, here are the signs to look for.

1. Being triggered by certain reminders

It’s funny how the meanings of things can change throughout your life. What used to just be a song that you used to feel indifferent about can become your favorite song in the world because it becomes tied to a happy memory or a special someone.

But if that special someone is no longer in your life, or if that happy memory becomes tainted, then that simple song can become a reminder of something great now gone. [Read: 23 secrets to get over someone you see every day & not lose your mind]

And when you’re overburdened with emotional baggage, reminders like that can trigger feelings of regret, remorse, grief, or depression.

If you notice that the mood of someone close to you becomes worse around certain triggers, like specific songs being played or particular times of the year, they might be struggling with something from their past that they haven’t let go of.

2. Codependency

If you are struggling under the weight of your emotional baggage, you might seek someone to hold on to some of, or all of, that emotional weight. And so, you latch onto people.

But this isn’t healthy in any relationship. When you allow yourself to become codependent on someone, not only do you put your own happiness and internal stability in the hands of someone else but you also suffocate and put too much pressure on the other person, which can ruin the relationship.

If your gut is telling you that your partner is too reliant on you, don’t ignore it. Instead, calmly talk to them about their past to see if there’s a reason for their dependency. [Read: 39 ways to stop being codependent and relying on others to make you happy]

3. Stuck in the past

One of the worst parts of emotional baggage is that it won’t let itself be forgotten. Like a parrot on your shoulder, it will constantly remind you of your ex or old friends. It will make you think of happier times, and how hurt you felt when you lost those.

You’ll know if your loved one is letting their emotional baggage disrupt their life if they’re constantly thinking back to the past rather than focusing on the present or planning for the future. [Read: How to stop ruminating – 18 ways to leave your past and be present]

What can cause emotional baggage?

We’ve gone into a little bit of detail on what can cause emotional baggage, but if you suspect that someone you love is struggling with the weight of the past, it’s useful to learn in-depth what could be causing that. When you know the root cause, it’s easier and quicker to work toward a solution.

So, what are some scenarios that can linger long after they actually transpire?

1. Poor relationships with parents

Our childhoods really are the most influential years of our lives because it’s when we learn the most.

Suppose someone was guided through their childhood by a neglectful, unreliable, or emotionally unavailable parent. In that case, that can teach them harmful or unproductive lessons that follow them throughout the rest of their life.

2. Being a child of divorce

One of the lessons that our parents teach us in our childhoods is that of love. They are the first examples of love that we see. For the first few years of our lives, their love is all we know.

If you watch your parents go through a divorce, at any age, it confuses everything you learned about love. No matter how messy or clean the split is, it can leave you with emotional baggage that follows you into your own adult relationships. [Read: Dealing with divorced parents at your wedding]

3. Experiencing betrayal

Having your trust broken by someone you really loved and cared for can dump a whole load of emotional baggage on your doorstep.

Say, for instance, your ex cheated on you. That’s a level of betrayal that sticks with you for a long time, long after you get over the relationship and your feelings for that person.

Types of emotional baggage

Suitcase, carry-on, overnight bag. Just as there are different types of baggage, there are different types of emotional baggage.

Not everyone’s emotional baggage will be the same, and not everyone’s personal problems will be so easy to categorize. But here is a list of the different types of emotional baggage to give you an idea of what might be troubling someone you love.

1. Guilt from past relationships

If emotional baggage comes from a guilty conscience about a past relationship, that will carry itself into all future relationships.

Say your current partner cheated on their ex. That guilt could manifest itself into your partner driving you away in fear that they’ll also betray you. If they neglected an ex and they haven’t forgiven themself, they might convince themselves that they’re not “good enough” for you. [Read: Once a cheater always a cheater – the truth of their past]

2. Regrets

“I should’ve done this,” “I could’ve done that,” or, “Why did it take me so long to say that?”. We all carry regrets around with us. But if you don’t forgive yourself for the things you did or didn’t do, they will stack on top of you and weigh you down.

You can’t carry regret with you everywhere you go. If someone you know has plenty of regret in your carry-on, they might need reminding of that.

3. Fear

Fear and regret go hand-in-hand. If a new opportunity comes your way, the fear of failure or rejection can stop you from pursuing things out of your comfort shell. And then, years down the line, you look back at that moment and regret not biting the bullet and going for that opportunity.

So if you know that your loved one is holding themselves back out of fear, they might need a push from you to set that fear down.

Not living your life out of fear will only cause regret, which will only add to the growingly insurmountable pile of emotional baggage this person is lugging around. [Read: How to be fearless – 18 ways to set aside fear and live like a champion]

4. Self-criticism

We are our own worst critics and rarely our best cheerleaders. But that’s a pattern we all need to break. If our internal thoughts are only ever negative, why would we push ourselves to be better?

Your loved one may just say they have a self-deprecating sense of humor, but it could be deeper than that. They could really be burdening themselves with negative self-talk because they think they deserve it. [Read: 17 good and bad types of humor and how it affects your relationships with others]

5. PTSD

Other types of emotional baggage are easier to understand as a bystander, like fear and regret. But PTSD is much more complicated.

More than just negative self-talk, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is a real anxiety-related mental health disorder. After experiencing an incredibly traumatic event, a person can be essentially haunted by that trauma. What that means is their brain forces them to relive the trauma in spontaneous flashbacks, nightmares, and overall feelings of extreme anxiety.

If you think someone you love is struggling with PTSD, this might not be something that you can help them with alone. Talking therapies and medication could be prescribed to them by a professional to help them deal with their trauma.

Help someone you love drop their emotional baggage

To help them empty their emotional baggage and address their trust issues, show them that they can leave the past in the past. Prove to them that whatever it is they carry, they no longer need it because you got it covered.

Here’s how you can do that:

1. Identify patterns

Maybe your loved one doesn’t even know that they’re struggling under the weight of emotional baggage. Maybe this is how they’ve lived their life for a long time now. If so, they could think that this is normal and something everyone deals with.

You might have to observe them for a while to figure out what patterns show they’re holding on to the past. [Read: How to help someone up when they’re feeling down and depressed]

If you notice what these patterns and triggers are, you can talk to them about their behavior with evidence to back you up, as well as help them to avoid certain triggers and form new, healthier, patterns of behavior.

2. Actions speak louder than words.

For people with a lot of emotional baggage from their past, this is not their first rodeo. There has no doubt been countless people from their formative years who left them, cheated on them, abused them, and left their imprint on their heart. Your words likely mean nothing.

They heard the promises before. If you want to help your significant other, stop telling them who you are and prove it. Actions speak much louder than words.

The more you show that you can be trusted, the more stuff they eliminate from their emotional bag. [Read: 28 cute ways to show affection in a relationship even if it feels awkward]

3. But remember that communication is key

Yes, you should absolutely show up and prove yourself to be someone that this person can depend on while they go through the difficult journey of letting go of their emotional baggage. But, you still need to make communication a priority.

How are you meant to help each other if you don’t know what the other person is thinking? While you support them in whatever way they need, you also need to frequently check in with how they’re feeling. And also communicate how you’re feeling if any problems arise.

Healthy communication will help to speed up their recovery process and maintain a strong relationship. [Read: 43 secrets to communicate better in a relationship and ways to fix a lack of it ]

4. Be honest with each other

That is really the best way to communicate. If you’re both honest, you can come to some great solutions. [Read: 25 honest, self-reflection questions to recognize the real you inside]

That means your loved one has to be honest with you about their past, how it affects them today, and why they haven’t let go. At the same time, you need to be honest about why you’re concerned and how their behavior affects you.

In the worst-case scenario, you also will need to be honest enough with each other to end the relationship. Whether that’s because they can’t move on from something in their past or because you can’t help them set down their emotional baggage and look to the future.

5. Look past the overreaction

People carrying a large amount of emotional baggage overreact because they simply can’t take any more. If you want to help alter their perception of reality, give them a pass when they flip the hell out. We know, you shouldn’t “have” to put up with it, and you don’t.

But, if you want to prove to them that you are there through thick and thin, look past their overreactions and see the person you love underneath.

If you give them a pass instead of punishing them for their actions, they will slowly learn there are more productive ways to deal with their emotional triggers than lashing out and hurting those closest to them. [Read: 103 heartfelt signs to know if you love someone or are falling in love]

6. Be supportive

People with a vast amount of emotional baggage are used to being ignored and screwed over. Be the exception by being a true, honest, and supportive mate or friend.

And if you don’t do what all the other people in their lives have done, their experience with you will start to override their past experiences. [Read: 17 signs of a supportive partner who encourages you and your goals]

7. Be patient and understanding

Being supportive is great. But after a while, it can feel exhausting to be by the side of someone who, to you, might look like they’re not making progress.

But every day that they commit to letting go of their emotional baggage is another day when progress has been made.

This journey will be long and it will be hard on both of you. So, remember to remain patient and understanding. [Read: How to be patient in a new relationship and avoid risking a new love]

8. Put yourself in their shoes

This will help you more than them, but it’s a vital step. You can’t help someone let go of emotional baggage if you can’t understand why their past is affecting them as much as it is.

So, put yourself in their shoes. How would you feel if you grew up with unsupportive and emotionally distant parents? How would you cope in new relationships if the person you thought was the love of your life cheated on you?

This exercise in empathy will really help you to help them.

9. Encourage them to vent and listen to what they have to say

Many times, we carry baggage around because we aren’t dealing with whatever we harbor inside of us. Encourage your partner or loved one to talk about their feelings and get to the root of what drives all their angst.

Listening without judgment is one of the most important components of helping someone with emotional baggage.

10. Remain positive

Be a role model to your loved one as they learn to set down their emotional baggage. The antithesis of emotional baggage is positivity and optimism, so if they see that in you, they might be able to find it within themselves.

Also, positivity will help you while you work hard to remain supportive, patient, and understanding with this person. [Read: How to be more positive – 24 steps to a happy & dramatic life shift]

11. Consider couples therapy

Helping someone to overcome trauma from their past can sometimes be an impossible mission to take on yourself. So, maybe the way forward is to attend couples therapy, or for your loved one to attend solo therapy.

A professional counselor will have the tools and the deeper understanding to help this person address their problems head-on.

Solo therapy will be great for that, but couples therapy might be the way forward so that your needs aren’t neglected while your partner goes on this incredibly difficult soul-searching journey.

12. Alternatively, consider quitting therapy

All sorts of studies have been done on whether therapy works. The literature is mixed, but for some people, it appears that therapy just doesn’t work. Rehashing your childhood trauma, a bad breakup, or any other traumatic experience, again and again, can do nothing but keep you in the past.

The concept behind therapy is to talk through the events to make some sense of them, rationalize them, and move past them. Unfortunately, there are many times that there is no closure for some things. Some shitty experiences simply don’t make any sense. Therefore, just talking about them keeps you stuck.

Therapy doesn’t work for everyone. Sometimes, it even does you more harm than good. As a partner, take notice of whether therapy hurts or helps their emotional state. [Read: 15 ways to give space in a relationship and feel closer than ever before]

13. Don’t forget your personal needs

You’re helping someone overcome some incredibly personal hurdles, and that’s great of you. But while they’re working on themselves, your own needs shouldn’t be ignored.

You’re still this person’s friend, partner, or family member. At no point should they make you feel ignored or neglected while they let go of their emotional baggage.

14. Walk away if you must

There are times when emotional baggage in a relationship is just something that you can’t get past. Forgiveness, in some instances, isn’t the solution. Unless you are truly ready to forgive.

For those who think they can but don’t take any real steps, holding onto an unhealthy marriage or relationship riddled with emotional baggage is like going in circles over and over. There is never any end or way to get off the roller coaster. [Read: 34 reasons to break up with someone and leave even if you love them]

15. Understand that some people can’t be saved

There are truly some people who want to hold onto their emotional bag because it isn’t really a bag. It is a crutch that allows them not to move on, keep themselves closed off, or not take responsibility for the hurt and chaos they cause.

Even the worst behaviors benefit some people. If you try to help someone get over their emotional hurt, and they make excuses for why they can’t let go, let go and let them figure it out for themselves. [Read: White knight syndrome – 15 reasons and signs some men love white knighting]

16. If you make a commitment, keep it

Often, we hold onto baggage because someone made a promise that they didn’t keep. If you want to help someone, commit to never giving up, never giving in, and continue to prove to them that whatever they experienced in their past isn’t going to continue in their future. Undoing the mistakes of other people is a heavy burden to carry.

So, prove to them that there is something better. Show them that no matter what they do, they can’t get rid of you. And above all else, see through their baggage-arsenal to the person who isn’t weighed down.

Final thoughts

Helping someone to let go of their emotional baggage is like trying to get someone to let go of their past. In reality, we all come to our relationships with certain past hurts and grievances.

The only way to find peace and to get along with the person who carries a heavyweight is to help them unpack and feel safe.

[Read: Insecurity in a relationship – 34 signs and secrets to feel secure and love better]

It is possible for you to help the person you love let go of their emotional baggage. You just have to be there while they override their past experiences and learn that not all people are the same.

The post Emotional Baggage: What It Is, Types, Causes, 27 Signs & Steps to Put It Down is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

Showing Interest in Girls via Statements of Interest (SOIs)

A statement of interest (SOI) lets you directly state interest in a girl you like. There are pros and cons to this – yet if short on time it can be ideal.

Hey guys. Welcome back.

Table of Contents

1. Statements of Interest (SOIs)

   • A. What Does It Look Like?

   • B. The Conditional Element

   • C. Using Statements of Interest: Indirect Game

   • D. Using Statements of Interest: Direct Game

2. SOIs vs. Qualification

3. Conclusion

I have shared a few posts on qualification recently. Today, I’ll discuss another way of qualifying girls that is more direct, depending on the context. Qualifying a girl creates that dynamic so she matches your standards and you match hers, usually due to her qualifying to you first. You want to do this to develop the mutual attraction between you two and create an “it’s on” (or a “click” ) moment.

One usually starts the qualification process after a girl shows significant interest to solidify the bond and reinforce the vibe between you two. After all, you want to generate compliance (attraction) AND get something out of the interaction. Your goal is to escalate the vibe and create that bond— a “you two are meant to be” type of vibe. The latter will facilitate the escalation process.

Sometimes, generating compliance may be enough; however, the process is easier when you qualify the girl. It reduces resistance; she feels more comfortable and allowed—“he and I are meant to be.” As she thinks that, she will backward-rationalize that escalating the vibe with you is positive and natural. It is okay and normal to escalate the vibe with men she feels that connection with, right?

What does qualification look like? Here is a template:

1. Use a qualifier. You want to trigger a qualification by using a qualifier: challenge her on something, ask if she is X (that you find attractive), or ask for an opinion.

2. If she qualifies and meets your expectations and standards, she is qualifying to you.

3. Qualify to her. As she qualifies to you, consider it good behavior on her end. Now reward her by qualifying back. This is the moment you show interest back.

The idea is to show interest without appearing needy while reconciling her attraction with yours. I have discussed the ins and outs of this in my previous post.

Here is an example:

Me: [talking about a subject that involves adventure]…and by the way, are you adventurous? (Qualifying her)

Her: Yes! I am! Blahblahblah (her qualifying to you)

Me: Oh! I love adventurous people! (Qualifying to her)

You’ll find plenty of examples in my previous articles.

Letting Go of People: Why It’s So Hard, 29 Signs You Must & Steps to Do It

The hardest part of life is letting go of people. But does it always have to hurt? Here’s how to end things, forget someone, and ease the pain.

Once you’ve made a connection with someone—whether it’s over one date or years of dating—letting go can feel impossible. To understand why letting go of people is so hard, and for you to be able to finally move on from a bad situation in your life, you need to understand your own mind.

At first, moving on from something that felt so important to you just doesn’t feel right. Friendships, relationships, and even brief bonding can ingrain in you so deeply that you don’t want to let go, even when you know you should.

Letting go of people hurts. It’s a form of loss or rather a part of it. And figuring out how to navigate that while facing all the feelings that go along with it is brutal.

But, by figuring out why letting go of people is so hard for you, it’ll make it easier for you to continue your life without them.

[Read: 23 big questions and steps to leave someone you love and not regret it]

Letting go of people is hard

If you’ve ever moved away from friends or gone through a breakup, you know how hard it is to let go of people. People matter.

Think about it: it can be hard to let go of an old sweater, even though it has a stain and doesn’t fit you anymore. So, it only makes sense that letting go of people would be so much worse.

The emotional attachments we make stay with us even after the physical closeness has gone. This is why it is so hard to move on even when you haven’t seen someone in weeks or months. The memories and impact don’t just cease because the label of a relationship comes off.

[Read: 23 reasons why good relationships end even if there were no red flags]

Why is letting go of people so hard?

You can convince yourself over and over again that letting go of someone is the right thing to do. You can make sense of it and understand that letting go of people makes sense for you to move forward.

But, with that, letting go of people is still so hard. Why?

1. Fear of change

Letting go of people, especially someone you are close with, can feel like a huge shock to everything you know. They’ve become part of your daily routine.

So, when you’re trying to limit your contact with them, that change in your routine can be enough to cause you to stay hung up even after a relationship ends.

Maintaining the feelings you had, although painful, can bring you comfort when everything else has changed. [Read: How to stop self-destructive behavior and change your life for good]

2. The past

Something as traumatic as a breakup can cause feelings from the past to resurface. If you have trauma from previous events, experiencing those feelings again can make you feel like you’re reliving the first time you were hurt. Instead of letting go of people, you may cling to them due to your past.

The resurgence of old feelings, along with the pain of trying to let go of someone, can certainly lead to an immense struggle to let them go.

3. Loneliness

The fear of being alone is more powerful than you might realize. When we are faced with the possibility of loneliness, we may choose someone who is bad for us just to avoid being alone.

We cling to the wrong people or people from our pasts just to have a glimmer of connection. [Read: Autophobia – What it is, 25 signs, causes, and how to calm the fear of being alone]

4. Self-esteem

When we build our self-esteem on the success of our relationships or the love from someone else, letting go of that person can be truly devastating. Not only do you feel the rejection and pain of the end of a relationship but you blame yourself for it ending.

You put all your hope and faith into that person and depended on them. Now letting go of that person feels like the last thing you’re capable of. [Read: Emotional dependency and 20 signs you’re overly dependent on someone]

5. Hope

The hope for that chapter of your life to reopen can keep you clinging to someone. Letting go of people when you still want to be with them feels wrong. You want the possibility to reconnect and that hope is what keeps you from letting go.

6. Failure

By not letting go of people, you are, in a sense, in denial. If you don’t let go of them then maybe it isn’t over. Maybe things don’t have to change. Maybe you weren’t rejected. Accepting that you have to let go of someone is in a way, accepting failure.

When you expect a fairytale happy ending and that isn’t how it turns out, holding onto that person instead of moving on can make you feel like you didn’t fail.

7. Love

Love conquers all. Or does it? Love that is strong enough can keep you from letting go of people. When a friend asks why you can’t let go of your past relationship, a common answer is, “because I love them.”

That love can absorb you. It can take over your whole life. When that happens, letting go of that seems not just impossible but far too painful to even consider. [Read: How to unlove someone even if you feel like you can never forget them]

Signs you need to let go of someone

So, how do you know when you need to let go of someone? You might not think that you’re still hung up. Or, you might still believe there’s a chance you’ll get back together, and you don’t want to throw that away.

However, you’re here because you know deep down that you still need to let go. To give you that final push to convince you that now is the time to move on, here are the signs you need to let go of someone.

1. You’re always wondering what could have been

All you can think about is what could have happened, and the fairytale future you always imagined for your relationship. Maybe you would’ve been together forever, or had your dream wedding on the beach in St Tropez.

Of course, this is never going to happen, because you’ve broken up. But if you’re still dreaming about the future, that’s a sign that you need to learn how to let go.

2. You think of the person constantly, or at times when you’d rather not

You lie in bed at night, and all you can think about is that person. Every time there’s silence, your mind drifts back to focus on the one person you’d rather forget.

If you’re constantly thinking about the person you’ve lost—even when you’d rather be thinking of anything else—that’s a sign you need to let go.

[Read: 26 honest steps to let go of someone you love, move on, and find peace]

3. You spend a lot of time reliving memories or looking them up on social media

If you still haven’t let go of somebody, you’ll keep wanting to remember them. You’ll daydream about them and relive memories, or you might even look at old photos to remember what was so special about them.

Nowadays, you can easily wallow in your past through social media. However, stalking that person on Facebook is just a sign that you need to move on and let go.

4. You often bring them up when talking to friends

You’re always telling your friends about that funny thing your ex did, or any little thing that reminds you of them. When you’ve truly broken up and let go of somebody, you won’t feel the need to mention them.

So, if you keep bringing them up at every opportunity, it’s a sign that you need to start learning about letting go.

5. When you’re feeling down, they’re the first person you think to call

Had a bad day? You’ll shoot them a text. Even if they don’t reply, you still give it a try. Or, when something crappy happens and you need a chance to vent, it’s that person who you always think to call.

Letting go of people means not relying on them for emotional support anymore. You need to get to that point. [Read: 25 ways to let go of resentment, stop feeling bitter, and start living]

6. You make changes to your life or appearance to get them back

Maybe they’ll realize what they’re missing if you get a new haircut. Or, maybe you just needed to get fit to make them attracted to you again. If you just got into their favorite hobby or moved closer to them…

Stop right there. You don’t need to make changes to your life or appearance for anybody, let alone somebody you should forget.

If you find yourself thinking of making changes to yourself and your lifestyle to try to win anyone back, it means you need to let go.

7. You feel anxious or even angry when you see them

They just make your blood boil. When you see them on the street, at a party, or even on social media, it turns you into a seething ball of resentment and rage. On the other hand, you might also be terrified of seeing them. Just the mention of their name is enough to make you anxious.

When that person makes you anxious or angry, it’s a sign that part of you is still holding on to them, but it’s doing you no good. If they affect your feelings that severely, they’re taking up more space in your head than they should. If you let them go, you’ll feel so much more at ease.

[Read: Letting go of your ex – 15 ways to make it easier]

8. You blame them or want to get revenge for perceived slights

You see that person as having wronged you. The loss of your relationship is still hurting you, and you blame them for that hurt. You might even find yourself seeking revenge or trying to get your own back by making them feel pain too.

Don’t. That vengeful feeling is just a sign that you haven’t let go yet, even though you really need to. Relationships break down, it happens. There’s nothing you can do about it, and thinking you could change things is a waste of time.

What happens when you let go

Letting go isn’t the same as breaking up. A relationship can end, you can stop speaking to a family member, or you can break friends with somebody—but that doesn’t mean you’ve let go. You can still be affected by your feelings about that person.

Think about how holding on as it altering your life negatively. Are you losing focus? Are you struggling to continue fully living your life? Do you feel like your mind is occupied by the person or people you can’t let go of?

If you’re thinking about them all the time, then you’re in a tricky situation; you’ve broken up, but you haven’t let go. You’re still letting that person control you. So, you need to break up with them in your mind too.

[Read: Why being addicted to someone is not the same as being in love]

When you’re letting go of people, you’re taking back control of your own life. It’s a hard journey, but you have to break free if you want to find true happiness. You’ll never feel completely fulfilled if you waste time and energy holding on to the past. Letting go means gaining the freedom to be happy.

When you let go, you’ll also realize how much you’re capable of. It takes a huge amount of mental and emotional strength to move on and forget about somebody you loved in the past. If you can manage to break free—and it won’t be easy—you’ll show yourself that you can achieve the impossible.

How to let go of people

So, you know that you need to let go. You’ve read the signs, and you understand what wonderful things can happen if you can manage to release yourself.

But how do you actually go about letting go of people? Let’s find out how to let go, free your mind, and finally move on.

1. Recognize when it’s time

The first step is recognizing that you have a problem. Realizing that you’re showing the signs you need to let go, and that it’s now time to do it, are the first steps in the process.

[Read: Still in love with your ex? 19 ways to let go of the past]

Plus, recognizing when it’s time makes it much easier to actually move on. Moving on from a broken relationship is much easier when you know there’s no chance of the future you thought you’d have.

2. Identify limiting beliefs

Limiting beliefs are negative thoughts about yourself that hold you back. They can come along with low self-esteem. Do you often think things like “I’ll never find anybody else,” or, “I’m not capable of being alone”? Those are perfect examples of limiting beliefs.

Instead, try and focus on empowering and positive beliefs. Try telling yourself phrases like, “I’m worthy of love,” or “I have so much to look forward to.”

[Read: 42 rules to forget someone you loved and cared for]

3. Change your story

What story do you tell yourself about your life? Do you think of yourself as a hot mess who can’t hold down a relationship, and blame that for your breakup? Or do you see yourself as the black sheep of the family, doomed to be unloved like you’ve always been?

A negative story can be part of your limiting beliefs. So, like you changed those beliefs, you need to change your story. Just because something’s happened a certain way in the past doesn’t mean you’re defined by it

4. Cut off contact

Sometimes, you need to cut off contact with certain people. If you find yourself constantly thinking about that person, removing the ability to contact them might mean you don’t think about them as much. Or, if you still talk to them, cutting them off will help you start to build a life without them.

Your life is all about you now. For you to let go properly, you need to learn to be independent. Severing your last lines of contact might be the mental break you need to move on.

5. Stop the blame game

Stop trying to work out who’s responsible for the pain you’re feeling. It’s not the person you’ve lost, and you can’t get revenge on them or ever make them feel how you feel. Stewing in your pain and anger only hurts you.

So quit the blame game. You can’t change the past. Instead, work on improving yourself and preparing for the exciting future ahead. [Read: Repressed anger – 15 steps to let go before it eats you from within]

6. Embrace the “F” word

We don’t mean *that* “F” word—we’re talking about forgiveness. It’s often said that forgiving the person who hurt you is the best way to set yourself free, and it’s the best way to let go too. If you forgive that person, you don’t have to hang on to all that limiting pain.

However, it’s not just important to forgive the person you’ve lost. Remember to forgive yourself, too. Don’t beat yourself up over what went wrong.

7. Master your emotions

Breaking up with anybody—no matter the type of relationship—is often a source of anger and resentment. This is even more true if you were the one that got dumped. However, you’re not actually empowering yourself by feeling all that rage.

Doing things out of spite is never healthy, even if it gets them done. Negative feelings are always unhealthy, and can even cause illnesses like high blood pressure and anxiety if you’re not careful. So, you need to master your emotions if you want to master letting go of people.

8. Practice empathy

We know, it’s hard to feel empathy for the person who dumped you. But if you want to let go, you need to try and understand how this feels for the other person. They might not have meant to hurt you.

[Read: If you love something, set it free – how to do it right]

Even if they did want you to feel pain, try to understand that this was because of something wrong with them, not anything you did. They had their own emotional needs to fulfill.

9. Adopt an attitude of gratitude

Cheesy, right? But it works! If you’re grateful for what you have, what you’ve lost will suddenly seem far less important. So, concentrate on enjoying and appreciating the amazing things you have in your life right now.

Spend more time with your other friends to remind yourself how loved you are. Or, practice some self-care to make yourself feel special. Everything you do from now on should be done with an attitude of gratitude.

10. Talk to someone you trust

Speaking of friends, find someone you can treat as a trusted confidante. If you hold everything inside, it’ll only build up and get bigger until it becomes overwhelming. Handle it while you can still cope.

[Read: The secrets to letting go of the past, being happy, and looking to the future]

Find a friend, a relative, or another supportive person to share your emotional state with. You can even seek out a therapist if you feel you need professional advice. Therapists can help you learn how to let go, and how to have healthier relationships in the future.

11. Stay off social media

Social media seems to be full of couples, friends, families, and successful relationships. Basically, everything that you’ve lost is there. This isn’t the reality of course; your wounded mind is just hyper-aware of everything related to your loss.

Social media can be a dangerous place when you’re trying to let go of someone. It gives you an opportunity to reach out to them and shows you only the best sides of everybody else’s relationships. So, log off and stay off.

12. Take care of yourself

Remember, letting go of people isn’t a quick or simple process. It takes time, energy, and dedication to move on. You need to be kind to yourself throughout your journey because it’s easy to forget your needs and neglect your emotions.

If you practice proper self-care and love yourself, you’ll leave this situation much happier and healthier than you were before. [Read: How to let go of anger – release the rage and resentment]

13. Keep busy

It’s tempting to spend all day hiding in bed or comfort yourself by dwelling on your sadness. However, you need to keep busy if you want to let go of someone.

Letting go of people is all about teaching your mind that it doesn’t need to think about that person anymore. So, start a new routine or take up a new hobby. Keep a diary to help you organize your thoughts. Or even join a group and volunteer. You need to keep your mind off your loss if you want to let go.

14. Take the time to heal

Right now, you’re taking the first step in a long journey. It took a long time to build up that relationship. You could have spent years nurturing that bond, so it stands to reason that it’ll take just as long to unmake it.

As you let go, you’re going to grieve. You might feel worse than you did before you started, and that’s okay. Love yourself and don’t let anybody rush you along your journey. If you’re going to heal, you need time and space to do it properly.

[Read: He won’t commit but he won’t let go – what should you do now?]

Letting go of people is possible

When you’re fresh out of a breakup, be it with a partner, friend, or once-close family member, it can feel like letting go of people is impossible. But the thing is, it isn’t! If you can identify why you struggle to let go of people, you can work on it.

For example, maybe you’ve realized that you’re not letting go due to something external, like your past or fear of failure. Now, you can focus on that. You can work through what is truly holding you back rather than the person you can’t let go of.

Understanding the true reason you’re so hurt is the first step in overcoming what has been weighing you down. It might be simpler than you think.

Once you’ve worked out the reasons, you can be more rational about your past. You can look at the positives of the relationship you had.

Maybe you can finally appreciate the memories. You can even be thankful for how it changed you or made you who you are.

The best part is that you can have all of that while still letting them go. You can’t change the past. And you can’t change the truth. But you can change how you are reacting to it. You can learn to let go.

With time, you can break their hold on you. You can focus on yourself and your growth. Or, you can use your time to plan for your future. You can survive without holding onto people, what they meant to you, or what you had together.

Life must go on—and it will, whether you go on with it or not. Understanding yourself and learning the secrets of letting go of people frees you up for future happiness.

The post Letting Go of People: Why It’s So Hard, 29 Signs You Must & Steps to Do It is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

Tactics Tuesdays: High Authority Direct Openers

Many guys open girls direct in an ‘equal’ or even supplicating way. Yet open from a place of authority and your direct openers get a LOT more potent.

There are a few varying angles to use to start a conversation with a girl.

You have your indirect openers (which include things like opinion openers and situationally relevant openers). You have direct openers (including compliment openers and opening with a statement of interest). Then you’ve got your playful/nonverbal openers, and things like indirect direct, which fall somewhere in between.

Today we’re going to talk about direct openers, but we’re going to speak about a certain strain of direct opener: the high authority variant.

Because when you can mix authority in with a direct opener, you get a direct open of a very different and altogether more commanding, compelling, and attractive variety.

What Is A MILF? The Surprising Truths & Thoughts Behind Its Meaning

‘MILF’ is code for Mother I’d Like To Fuck. But there’s really much, much more to it. Here’s a unique take on what is a MILF exactly.

If you’re a dude you’ve probably used this term more times than you care to admit. Walking down the street with your boy, you see an unusually attractive older lady and you’re like, ‘Bro, check out that MILF.’ But if you’re wondering, what is a MILF, it’s time to educate yourself.

What is a MILF?

MILF is an acronym for “Mother I’d Like to Fuck”. That’s it. Plain and simple. You see a gorgeous woman who has a child *or is probably older*, it’s an indecent sexual compliment that means you’d like to bang her if you could.

But is there more to MILF than just a hot mommy you’d like to sleep with? And is it meant to be derogatory or complimentary? And are there any restrictions and limitations to who can be a MILF? We’ll get to it, and more!

[Read: What makes a woman attractive? 34 secrets most women overlook]

What makes a woman a MILF?

There are a few specific details that make a woman a MILF. They are few, but that’s what makes them a real MILF.

1. Older than you

Usually, this is the ideal scenario. But this is tricky, because “older” is subjective.

If you’re a 20 year old, and you’re talking about a 40 year old MILF, this clearly makes sense. And in most cases, this is the way the word, MILF, works.

But what if you were 40 yourself? Would that make the woman a MILF? It does. But if you’re 40 and calling a woman a MILF, that’s just weird. You’re probably DILF potential *if you’re worthy*, so as acceptable as the scenario is, a 40 year old man is better off just calling a MILF a hot woman.

You know, unless, you want everyone else around you to cringe or call you a weird old man! [Read: When does a man mature? 13 signs he’s grown a real pair]

2. Looks ridiculously hot, almost or way out of your league

All MILFs may be mothers, but not all mothers are MILFs.

A MILF is an esteemed status given to women who have managed to take care of themselves enough to not let themselves go, possibly even after having mothered a child.

3. Probably has a child, but who cares?! 

Most guys don’t care if a woman is a hot MILF or a hot cougar, and they don’t probably care if she’s mothered offspring. What’s important is that she looks like she could mother offspring.

We’re usually attracted to people that look capable of passing on genes to create healthy offspring. When we notice curvaceous hips or a buxom chest, this is us looking out for signs of genetic health. The hips don’t lie. [Read: Evolution and why men love women and their oh-so-hot bodies]

4. Sexually more experienced than you

Duh, she’s older and a MILF, and in all probability, has mothered a child. She’s definitely way more experienced than you.

And when she has sex, she’s isn’t blushing and giggling with excitement because she gets to bang you. She’s making her moves and turning you on confidently, while making sure you’re doing everything you possibly can to turn her on and pleasure her. [Read: The subtle traits that make a woman a real sex goddess]

5. The MILF is straight to the point

Being messed around by a 22-year-old Colombian chick who doesn’t know whether she’s coming or going? One of the appeals of MILFs is that they don’t play games with you.

It’s a popular belief that if a MILF doesn’t feel you, she won’t take your info or reply to your messages. But if she is into you, she really means to follow through and may even initiate things, because she’s confident enough in her own skin and knows what she wants. [Read: The pros and cons of dating a woman in control]

6. She’s not into playing games

She’s above all of that shit, and little texting games of waiting three days and blowing hot and cold.

She knows what she wants, and she knows how to make demands and have real expectations from a relationship or an affair.

Can you call a young hot mommy in her teens or early 20s a MILF?

Of course, a woman in her 20s could be a MILF. But you often hear ‘baby mother’ used more in that situation. A MILF is a bit more like a fine wine… something that takes a given amount of time to develop properly.

A popular MILF imagery is the ‘dirty 30s’ MILF who is sexually ravenous or a recently divorced single mum. She’s rediscovering who she is and is going YOLO. She may be dating several guys at the same time and looking for completely no strings attached sex. [Read: 17 important guidelines for NSA sex]

The male equivalent of MILF

There’s even a male equivalent—‘DILF’, which is code for Dad I’d Like To Fuck. Of course, they’re all around. But you just don’t give a damn about anything beyond a MILF, do you?

Why do we use the word MILF?

It’s just one of those words people like to use as a compliment. It rolls off the tongue like sweet honey… Sometimes we say it for humor. Other times the word MILF is just… definitive. The truth.

Primarily, being a MILF/DILF means you’re older but still look remarkably attractive. MILF is sort of similar to the term cougar, which is a woman who is independent, older, and likes her meat younger.

But MILF/DILF are different in that those terms suggest you have parenting responsibilities. Which could also suggest you’re in a committed relationship. [Read: How to make an older woman fall in love with you]

The conqueror’s trophy MILF – How to hook up with one

To get with one, you may need to be direct. You should also know what you want. She’s seen too much in her time to be won over by timidity.

To add to this, she’s not a commonly ‘available’ demography. Think about it this way: the market tends to value things based on supply and demand. So, if something is in high demand, but seems to be in relatively short supply, it’s going to increase in value.

There are simply fewer older and hot women still dating compared to younger women.

So, this literally makes MILFs a hot product. And hunters of MILFs get a sense of self-validation from knowing they won something difficult to get. It’s competition.

Say you’re 20, and a MILF you come across is 45. Chances are it’s less socially acceptable for her to get with you. There’s more in your way in terms of natural social obstacles. So, if you proceed to get her despite this, it says something about your tenacity and abilities. [Read: The full guide to finding and scoring yourself a MILF]

What makes a MILF so desirable and sexy?

On one hand, men talk of banging nubile women. But out of the blue, there’s this whole obsession with MILFs.

What gives? What makes MILFs way more desirable and hotter than those perky young women who are vying for male attention? Let’s find out.

Think of a hot 20-year-old girl… It’s not hard to get the feeling that her body as it is just popped into existence one day, and she woke up with an uber-slim waste line and a perky bubble butt.

She doesn’t need to do much to attain it. She didn’t go to the gym for it, follow a fitness routine or eat healthy, nothing. She might even have a diet of cigarettes and Coca-Cola.

The same thing is likely to be the case with that girl’s sense of her own sexuality. She’s not matured fully yet. She doesn’t yet know what she likes and enjoys, or what she really appreciates in a partner.

A MILF’s sexuality is practiced. It’s deep, subtle, and knowing. She truly appreciates sexuality to a level that shocks you.

A MILF may dress modestly and show her sexuality in subtle ways. Her sexuality may seem to emanate from her sleekly and stylishly. However, when you make a moment of intense eye contact with a MILF, there’s a knowingness there.

Don’t get us wrong, people can be impulsive and naïve whatever their age, but wisdom and skills generally tend to form with time. [Read: Sugar mama – 21 super smooth ways to bag yourself an older woman]

1. A MILF is the wet dream for boys

Teenagers going through puberty may be unable to attract or connect with girls their own age. For example, an adolescent who spends too much time watching porn and doesn’t have good social skills…

Due to his inexperience, he might naturally be drawn to a more maternal, nurturing figure—thinking she will mother him up unconditionally and acceptingly.

2. A MILF is emotionally developed

Maybe you’re bored of club life and people with stringy attention spans. You want more depth. You can find depth in young people, but many higher order character traits take a lifetime to build.

And it’s a never-ending journey. So, some people will consider a person to be a MILF if they meet the emotional connection criteria.

3. A MILF is very cute or hot

There’s a somewhat universal attractiveness level spectrum, whether or not we like to admit it. In other words, people can generally agree on whether someone looks attractive or not and roughly what level of attractive they look, even if they’re not specifically ‘their type.’

This might sound controversial, but if you’re honest with yourself, you may agree *ever heard the phrase ‘she’s out of his league’?*.

Things like facial details, symmetry, and body shape all factor in. And with that said, some people age better than others and stay looking attractive for longer. Which means that they stay looking remarkably attractive for longer.

Note that the word GILF *for grandmother* isn’t popular, because there’s less chance a woman will stay looking hot at that stage of her life *although there are many exceptions*. [Read: The 30 traits of hot women that men love]

4. The MILF is a new kind of woman

Women had massive inequality pre-world wars. Post-world wars, they slowly gained more rights. Today they’re more on an equal footing with men societally than they have been in any other time.

In some arenas, such as within education, they outperform guys. It’s no longer a given that a woman’s role in society is to get married and to have children by a particular age.

Customs are unclear—more open-ended. Women have more independence and make their own sexual decisions with less social repercussions.

Words like MILF pop into existence in times like this. People aren’t so sure that an older lady is probably someone else’s wife or that she won’t be DTF. [Read: The meaning of DTF and signs she’s feeling it]

5. A MILF can have dirty affairs

Being a parent tends to make you mature sooner, both emotionally and spiritually, whatever your age. This is because of the higher amount responsibility you bear.

When a MILF does anything, she does it properly. That means a sweeping, mature, lusty affair. By comparison, a ‘baby mother’ is more likely to bring drama and angry ex-lovers who carry guns. This is simply because younger people generally have less life experience than older folk.

By the time you’re in your 30s, you’ll have more perspective on some of life’s absurdities. So, a MILF is more likely to have emotional control and be able to keep a dirty secret. [Read: The dirty ways to have the sexiest rough sex ever]

MILF sounds like a taboo word, but is it?

Let’s take it back… to how another word began – mother fucker.

1. ‘You low-down Mother Fuckers.’

– US soldier to his draft board, 1911

2. ‘You see this cat, Shaft is a bad mother

(Shut your mouth)

But I’m talking about Shaft

(Then we can dig it)’

– Isaac Hayes in his song ‘Shaft’, 1971

Another controversial term: ‘Mother fucker’ was used as early as the late 19^th century. But throughout the years, mother fucker was softened into minced oaths such as:

– Motherfugger

– Mother for you

– MOFO

The cool thing about this word is that you can’t say it, and even when you do, you’re expected to make it cryptic. Unless you really don’t give a fuck and want to make your feelings clear… *‘Mother fucker, I dare ya! NO, I double dare ya!’*.

The funny thing is most people don’t think about ‘mother fucker’ in terms of actually having sex with a mother. Counter-intuitively, they associate it with awesomeness OR sometimes with offensiveness. [Read: What’s in it for the older woman dating the younger man?]

‘That movie was mother fucking amazing.’

Or

‘Yeah, well, fuck you, you dumb mother fucker.’

THEN the internet hit and these things happened…

– Lots and lots of porn

– Lots of sexualized material on TV/movies/media

– Even more sex on social media, which popularized acronyms for sex like: mofo, ons, dtf, bdsm, bbw…

– Lots of new dating sites/apps that made dating/sex a whole different ballgame

– Everything became a candidate for ‘LOL cool’

This is why I think the word MILF is sort of an evolution of the phrase mother fucker. However, it’s also a very unique and ultra-modern word. A MILF doesn’t have to be some perverse compliment given only to an older woman who seems to be waiting to sleep with a younger guy.

If you take it for what it is, it’s just a way to compliment a woman who looks older than you, but way better than every other girl in your age group. And maybe over the years, it’ll evolve into another “motherfucker” where you’re complimenting someone for doing something really cool. In this instance, maybe it’ll turn out to be an acronym to compliment a woman who’s hot and older.

[Read: Cougar dating: The rules to dating an older woman]

So now that you know what is a MILF, and everything there is to know about this hot, older woman, maybe it’s time to use the phrase more respectably. And perhaps, the word MILF is the safest way to address the temptation of the older woman is a socially acceptable way through code.

The post What Is A MILF? The Surprising Truths & Thoughts Behind Its Meaning is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.