Lonely Low Value Men (in the Sexual Marketplace)

Low value men struggle to get any women at all. High value women ignore them. Low value women pursue high value men for flings. Why must this be so?

Over the years a lot of guys have wandered onto Girls Chase claiming that attractive, non-slutty women are unicorns. These men say such women either do not exist, or are exceptionally rare. Other times they may claim they do exist, but have standards so high as to make them unobtainable.

My experience is that attractive, non-slutty women are abundant. In fact, my experience has been the majority of attractive women fall into the “non-slutty” category. Nor have I found these women hard to get. My big struggle in seduction early on was getting the slutty girls… I could get them sometimes, but I had a much harder time bedding these women with any consistency as a novice seducer into my intermediate years. (the issue of course was attainability. Once I fixed that, I could get the slutty girls too.)

I’m not the only guy with this perspective or who had this set of “problems” (i.e., hot/conservative girls easy to get; slutty, sexually open girls harder to get); many other Girls Chase readers and some of the seducers I’ve known have had this same experience.

What is the difference between a guy who just cannot get good-looking, non-slutty girls at all, versus a guy who struggles to get anything BUT these types of girls?

The answer is his value in the sexual marketplace – because if a man’s sexual market value is not high enough, not only will he struggle to get low value women to commit to him, but he won’t even see high value women as realistic, attainable options at all.

Seductive Selfie: 57 Best Sexy Selfie Poses & Tips to Show Yourself Off

Taking sexy pictures is more complex than you might think. You need to learn some sexy poses and take heed of our tips, then you’ll be driving them wild!

When it comes to selfies, they’re not that easy to take. You might think you just take a photo of yourself—simple and easy. But there’s more that goes into it… a lot more! So, if you want to master the selfie game and wow everyone on your social media, it’s time to learn some sexy poses and nail them every time.

Influencers might make it look like it’s as simple as waking up and snapping a selfie, looking flawless and shining, but it’s not that simple.

Nobody looks that great when they wake up and believe us, there’s plenty of filters and makeup going into those snaps! It comes down to practice and a few trade tips.

So, if you suck at taking selfies, it’s time to change it and supercharge your Instagram profile. [Read: 26 secrets for men to take a good selfie and look totally cool and photogenic]

Confidence is the key to sexy selfies

Looking sexy in a selfie can come down to the angle, the lighting, or even what you’re wearing. But, even if you follow every tip on this list, confidence is key. Remember, looking sexy is about feeling sexy.

You may not know this, but your face is full of micro-expressions that change several times within a second without you even realizing it!

If you’re wondering why you suddenly look more awkward or “weird” in a photo when you posed perfectly, now you know why! [Read: How to look fabulous and appealing when trying to get attention]

If you’re not comfortable and feeling sexy from within, the camera captures a subtle change in these micro-expressions as the camera’s shutters close, and your expression can be seen in the photo.

When you’re relaxed, confident, and feeling sexy, you always look better on camera and more genuine as well. Knowing you look damn fine and feel good in your skin is the sexiest thing. [Read: How to feel more confident in your body and fall in love with YOU]

How to take sexy pictures: The most important things to know

Taking a perfect selfie is mostly based on what you’re not showing on camera, and the little tips and tricks that selfie champions use to look effortless.

You don’t need a reason to take a selfie, but you should know how to take the right one. So, here is all you need to know about how to take sexy pictures. [Read: A photographer’s guide on how to take sexy pictures]

1. There are no official rules

There aren’t any “official” rules when it comes to taking a selfie. Much of it is you experimenting and figuring out what works for your body.

Of course, the tips below can help you, but for some of you, they’ll do the opposite. So, test these tips out, but don’t get bummed out if they don’t do you justice. Everyone is different. [Read: How to glow up and instantly transform inside and out]

2. Get in the mood

When it comes to taking a killer selfie, mood matters. For sure, you can take selfies when you’re feeling a bit down, but the best selfies are when you have the confidence of a bull.

When you love yourself and are in the mood to throw some looks at the camera, start taking selfies.

3. Don’t overdo it

Nowadays, people are focusing too much on pouting or pushing their breasts out for the camera. But you don’t need to overdo it. In the selfie world, less is more.

When it comes to posing, chill out. The best shots are when you’re relaxed and natural. If you’re trying to look like a Vogue model, it’s not going to work. [Read: 18 ways to become more spontaneous in life]

4. Wear what you love

If you’re most confident in underwear and bra, then wear them. If you prefer to wear jeans and a T-shirt, put them on.

The best selfies are when you’re feeling confident and sexy. If you’re comfortable with what you’re wearing, it’ll show. So, don’t dress yourself up in something you think other people will like. Wear what you like.

5. Master the art of lighting

When it comes to taking the perfect selfie, it’s all about the lighting. With the right light, you can look stunning.

Choose sensual, yellow light. It’ll create a warm and sexy atmosphere, picking out your best features. Spend time playing around with the light and find the perfect angle. [Read: Lights on or off? The real score on bedroom lighting]

6. Check the background

You can look amazing but if the background is a mess, it’s really going to detract from the impact you’re trying to make!

Don’t take a snap with a sink load of dishes in the background. Equally, don’t take your selfie when you’re in the bathroom—toilet selfies are never a good idea!

7. Try a filter, but don’t make it obvious

There’s nothing wrong with using filters but don’t make it so obvious that you’ve changed everything. Also, don’t change anything about your actual appearance.

Sure, there are apps that smooth out your skin, get rid of blemishes, make your chin look smaller, and suck in your waist, but that’s not you! A selfie is called a selfie because it’s you taking a photo of your actual face and body!

Of course, play around with lighting filters and sharpness but that’s its, no facial or body alterations! [Read: Sense of self – what it is, 36 signs, tips, and steps to raise it and feel great]

8. Beware of shadows

We’ve talked about lighting but you need to be very careful of shadows making their way across your face or causing an odd line in your picture.

Sure, some snaps might look moody and cute with a shadow but overall, they do nothing for the aesthetic you’re trying to achieve!

9. Smile, don’t pout

Unless your smile has an actual pout element to it, don’t fake it. There is nothing worse than duck lips! You have a beautiful smile, so make sure you use it. [Read: 17 life secrets to smile more often, feel great, and laugh your stress away]

10. Try not to use flash

If you really need to because of low lighting, using your camera’s flash is fine but mostly, it gives you red demon eyes and makes your complexion look odd. Flash is fake and that’s not what we’re going for here.

Selfies are far better when taken in natural light. So, wherever possible, take your selfies in the daytime when the sun is out.

11. Know your best features

This takes a while. Honestly, it’s not easy to see your best features sometimes.

So, take some time and look at yourself, look at your body, your face, and see what parts of you are beautiful. Of course, we all have parts that we don’t like, but it’s a selfie. You decide what you show. [Read: How to be sexier – 15 ways to unleash the sex goddess hidden within]

12. Play with your face

This may sound silly, but have a go with playing around with your facial expressions. Pout, wink, stick your tongue out, and tilt your face at every angle. As strange as it sounds, the benefits of this are actually multiple.

Firstly, seeing your face in all sorts of poses will give you more insight into what your best angles are. Also, when you’re standing there for a prolonged selfie session, holding the same poses can cause the muscles in your face to tense up.

So, relaxing your face to pull some silly faces can ease those muscles and give your selfies a much more chilled and easy-going look.

13. Mirrors are your friend

There’s no need to do crazy backbends to take a cute butt selfie. Instead, just use a mirror. Whether it’s a bathroom mirror or a full-length mirror, you’ll be able to use your back-facing camera to take the best shot.

Sure, the mirror selfie may be a 2006 trend, but it is back and better than ever. Just be sure your mirror is clean, and your flash is off, and it will be sexy as hell. [Read: How to take a good selfie and look cute every time you snap a photo]

14. This isn’t a race

Of course, some people can pick up their phone, take a sexy selfie, and put their phone away all in the blink of an eye. They’re just naturals!

For the rest of us, it takes a little more work and a lot more time. This isn’t a bad thing. It just means you need to take a couple more selfies to get it right. Who said selfie-taking was easy? It’s a lot of work and practice.

15. Take selfies in different types of clothes

Or don’t wear clothes. The point is, you need to wear or not wear clothing that makes you sexy. How else will you get into the vibe of sexy selfie-taking?

Plus, there’s something about wearing a sexy outfit that makes you feel empowered, and it shows on camera. If you feel sexy in lingerie, great. If you prefer a T-shirt and sweats, even better.

We mentioned wearing clothes you feel comfortable in earlier but you could also play around with different outfits and see how your selfies turn out. [Read: How to take really sexy nudes – 36 tips for the sexiest naked selfies ever]

16. Take selfies that are sexy to you

Take a selfie that you feel is sexy. Don’t try to mimic someone because you think other people will like it. Screw the others. This is about you.

However you take the photo and however you feel while taking it shows on camera. Remember that. So, if you think it’s sexy, so will other people.

17. Who cares if the selfie’s blurry

If you take a selfie that comes out blurry, don’t worry. It doesn’t have to be clear. If anything, the blurriness adds a little mystery to the whole thing. It’s artsy.

If you send the photo to someone *cough cough* they’re not going to care if the photo is blurry. [Read: How to send naughty pictures and not get into trouble]

18. Pose naturally

If you look at any celebrity’s selfies, you see they all have a signature look. This look, of course, is super sexy, but it’s also what’s comfortable for them to pose in.

Pose in positions and facial expressions that feel natural to you. Or else you look forced, and it comes off as awkward.

19. Practice sexy selfie poses in the mirror

We’ve just mentioned posing naturally, but if you want to increase the sexiness, try some sexy selfie poses. We know you’ll probably feel silly at first, but this really does help. Knowing which angles are your best ones takes time and the only way to figure it out is to look at yourself.

So get in front of a full-length mirror and start looking at yourself. You can even try to mimic poses of great nudies you see on the internet. So long as you feel good doing them and you think they look good, you can do them when you snap a selfie. [Read: 22 honest secrets to look good naked and feel great without any clothes]

20. Practice until you find the right angles

Everyone has angles that work best for them. You just have to find yours. Certain angles of other images you’ve seen online will never work for you. It’s really up to you to practice and figure out what makes your body look the best.

But you also want to remember that your partner might find certain angles more attractive than what you think are good. So experiment with a few different types and gauge their reaction too.

21. Take pictures of what your partner wants to see

You may think your booty isn’t very photographable, but your significant other might argue that. And that’s especially true if they’re the booty-loving type.

Just make sure you’re taking photos you know they’ll like. Think about all the areas they pay the most attention to in the bedroom. Photograph those and send them on over. They’ll be itching to get their mouth on you. [Read: How to make a guy horny and rock hard just by sitting next to him]

22. Invest in a selfie stick

Not everyone can take great selfies. Those of you on the smaller side just can’t get your arm far enough away. If you want to up your selfie game, get a stick!

You can fit a lot more in your picture if you use a selfie stick, meaning that you’ll have a lot more freedom of what to snap and send. [Read: How to take a good selfie and look great with every snap of the photo]

23. Use what you’re wearing as a prop

Your clothes can actually be great for you. They can work to your advantage if you want to snap a quick sexy picture at work.

If you’re wearing a blouse and a sexy lace bra underneath, just give your partner a peek. It’s really a great way to remain clothed but send a hot photo. Knowing how to take sexy pictures doesn’t always mean going nude.

24. Keep in mind that naked isn’t automatically sexy

A common misconception among many is that a nude photo is equal to a sexy photo. Posting a straight nude is like recklessly going all out in a poker game. It gets its intended effect at first, but its perceived sexiness diminishes later on as there’s nothing left for your audience to see.

As you later discover, implied nudity is sexier because it teases and makes your viewer, or viewers, want more. [Read: Seductive tease – 20 tantalizing ways to blow your lover’s mind]

25. Don’t be afraid to look for ideas online

After all, the professionals do it too. Getting ideas before posing and snapping a photo allows you more room for preparation and inspires your creativity in defining how your own body translates into something sexy.

If you want to know how to take a sexy picture, the Internet provides a whole resource of sexy photo poses for you to imitate, modify, and improve. [Read: How to dirty talk – 36 sexy tips and 55 examples to turn anyone on with words]

26. Use props

Using props adds spice to a sexy photo by giving it a playful appeal.

Just like an outfit, props give way to a lot of creative options for your sexy photo. Everyday household items such as an apron worn over your naked body, plush toys to cover up your best bits, or ice cream melting over your chest elevate your sexy photo to a new level. [Read: Boudoir photography – what it is, 47 tips, best poses, types, and how to make it hot]

27. Compose carefully

Composition is the way a photographer places the subject into the frame to guide the viewer’s eyes in looking at the photo. Bad composition ruins the image quality even if the subject is visually appealing.

Composition is important in taking sexy photos. On the other hand, a properly composed photo has the ability to trick the viewer’s eyes in a way that the subject appears more appealing than it actually is. [Read: How to flirt on Snapchat – 21 flirting rules to keep things naughty and fun]

Some useful composition tips:

1. Taking a photo from a high angle makes your body look smaller as it places your body’s length along the photo’s vanishing point. This also emphasizes the thing closest to the camera: your cleavage, pecs, or face.

2. In the same way, placing yourself in the dead center of the frame makes you look slimmer. The edges of the camera lens have a little distortion that stretches the image so putting the subject in the center takes it away from distortion.

3. Use the proper frame orientation. Portrait orientation is for close-up selfies, while landscape orientation is best for full-body photos. [Read: Thirst trap – what it is, why it screams ‘I want attention,’ and how to ace it]

28. Look directly at the camera

Looking directly at the camera lens is like directly looking at your viewer. It adds sexiness by implying an interaction between the subject and the viewer. This is a key point when learning how to take sexy pictures. [Read: Subtle eye contact flirting tips to catch someone’s eye from afar]

29. Don’t rely too much on filters and editing

A common mortal sin committed by the sexy selfie-posting mob is the liberal use of filters and other photo editing apps to “enhance” their photo. Using these too often of these defeats the purpose of taking a sexy photo. And it only serves to make the photo look unnatural.

Superior sexy photos are those taken with proper lighting, creative poses, and superb composition. [Read: How to take sexy pictures and look great no matter where you are]

30. Utilize the focus tool

The focus tool on your camera will help to give you those crisp, sharp edges that make your selfie look super-professional. It can also give your viewers or partner a much better view of you, without blurriness or the background taking over the shot.

31. Don’t overthink things

Look, it’s a selfie, it’s not a professional shoot for a high-quality magazine. Chill out and have fun with it! If you start overthinking everything, you’re going to look uptight and it won’t make for a good selfie. [Read: How to stop overthinking – secrets to go from overthinker to relaxer]

32. Arch that back

There is something sexy about an arched back; it’s the delicious curve waiting to be touched! So, when you’re putting together your sexy selfie pose, make sure you add a back arch into it for extra sexiness!

33. Stand on your tiptoes

Standing on your tip toes will lengthen your torso and will also make your legs look longer and leaner. It’s also a way to stand tall and appear confident—something you definitely need when taking sexy selfies.

If you need a bit of support while standing on your tip toes, just gently hold onto a chair or the wall—don’t cling to it for dear life! [Read: Body language attraction – 58 male and female signs and how to read and use them]

34. Shoot from below

Take selfies from an angle below, including from below your face if you want to accentuate your jawline. This makes you look slimmer and extends the body for extra sexiness.

35. Golden hour shots are easier when you plan ahead

That beautiful orange glow of golden hour makes sexy selfies look amazing, but there is a certain amount of planning that needs to go into it! Don’t just turn up and wait for the right lighting; it really does depend on a specific time of day.

Check online to find out when sunset is supposed to be and plan accordingly. This is especially important if you’re overseas on vacation and not used to the regular sun-setting time. [Read: Tips to have a great time when you travel as a couple]

36. Put one hand in your pocket

When choosing your sexy selfie poses, putting one hand in your pocket implies that you’re laid-back and approachable. It’s a casual pose that makes people feel at ease, but when you add a sexy, sultry gaze, it goes up a notch on the sex-o-meter!

37. Posture is everything

A slouched selfie isn’t a sexy one. You might be more comfortable slouched over, chilling out, but it won’t make your selfie look good. Instead, put your shoulders back, hold your head up high, and walk tall.

38. Try the hip tilt

A little kick out of the hip can be super-sexy and gives you a wonderful curve to both sides of your body. Just don’t extend it too much or you’ll end up looking like a teapot, or people will wonder if you’ve got back ache! [Read: 25 subtle secrets to charm a guy and make him think fondly of you 24/7]

39. Hype up your photographer

If someone else is taking your photos for you, give them some credit! You’re probably going to ask them to take a million photos before you get the one you want and they’re bound to get tired. Hype them up a little and they’ll be more inclined to keep going!

Always hype up your photographer if you’re feeling nervous because they’ll probably have to take a million photos. [Read: 40 ways to have fun with friends, beat boredom, and create new memories]

The best and hottest sexy selfie poses to try out

Now that you know the selfie essentials, here is how to take sexy pictures with some sexy selfie poses for you to try out.

1. Lying on your stomach with your upper body elevated

It’s one of the most popular sexy selfie poses for a reason. You can’t go wrong with this pose! It’s alluring, it’s sexy, and it drags you in.

2. Lying on the bed, on your back

Lay on your back, taking the shot above you. You can be in clothes or in your underwear; it doesn’t really matter because this will automatically make you look sexy. [Read: Lingerie selfies – how to perfect the art of foreplay from afar]

3. In front of a mirror

If you have a mirror, then why aren’t you using it for selfies? Mirrors are great for selfies as you can play around with angles, even getting full-body shots.

When using a mirror, play around with the angles. Maybe an over-the-shoulder shot will show off your curves. This is a strong move when learning how to take sexy pictures.

4. Side body shot

If you’re a fan of Kendall Jenner, then you know this pose very well. The side body shot is great if you’re looking to accentuate your booty.

Your curves look their best at this angle, as it elongates your body. You could even try lying on your side and hugging your torso for extra sexy cuteness. [Read: 31 hot secrets to be beautiful and look and feel way more attractive in no time]

5. Add your friends

When it comes to selfies, they’re always better when they’re done with friends. You don’t need to go all out, but having fun with friends can produce some great shots.

Group selfies can be done wherever you like, whether it’s in a bathroom, park, or bar. [Read: Good friends matter are like stars – 18 ways to build lasting friendships]

6. Morning selfie

Not all of us can pull this one off. However, if you give yourself a couple of minutes to wake up, the morning sexy selfie can look angelic and hot. While you’re under the covers, take a photo of yourself in bed.

7. Show off your flexibility

If you’re someone who can do the splits, why not show it off in a selfie? Flexibility is hot! Plus, this is a great selfie to take if you’re planning to send it to your partner.

Whether you’re doing the bridge, yoga poses, handstand, or splits, this will surely get his attention. Learning how to take sexy pictures doesn’t mean you need to go all out, but if you can, go for it! [Read: Extraordinary sex positions saved for the very bendy]

8. The bathroom shot

This is one of those sexy selfie poses you usually see with girls who’ve just been to the gym. They’ll sit on the bathroom sink, resting one leg on it, and take a selfie.

Also known as #sinkbooty, it’s an easy selfie to take and automatically makes your booty pop. Just make sure you can’t see the toilet or anything gross—remember, toilet selfies aren’t cute.

9. Over the shoulder

If you want to catch a glimpse of your booty, then take an over-the-shoulder shot. Get yourself in front of a mirror and try it out. With the right filter and angle, you can make it look like an artsy shot.

You can sit on your heels and look over your shoulder or crouch down for a super-sexy shot.

10. The head tilt

How to take sexy pictures? Tilt your head! You look coy when you tilt your head slightly to one side and have a suggestive smile on your face. Whoever sees it will wonder what’s on your mind, and that’s why it’s one of the sexiest selfies around. [Read: Cute vs hot – 16 unique traits that make a girl very sexy or very adorable]

11. On your knees

The entire pose is pretty suggestive in its own right. But when you take a selfie on your knees and it’s clear the position you’re in, it’s ultra-sexy and will probably make many a head turn for the right reasons.

The best way to do this is to have your legs parted just ever so slightly too, as that will show off your thighs. Or you could get down on all fours with one leg kicked up.

12. Bite your lip

If you’re biting your lip, again, it makes people wonder what you’re thinking about and it also makes people think you’ve done something wrong. They’ll want to know what it is!

This is one of the key moves when learning how to take sexy pictures. [Read: Lip biting – what makes it so and secrets to make it way sexier!]

13. Hand up fixing your hair

This implies that you were caught out as you were getting ready, which is a little coy and sexy. But having your hands up also lengthens your body and shows off your curves.

14. Lying down playing peek-a-boo

It’s cute, it’s sexy, and it’s relaxed. It will make people think you’re playful and fun, with an extra sexy edge! Learning how to take sexy pictures is often about cheekiness and coyness. [Read: Does playing coy actually work? How to do it and be effective AF]

15. Other variations of lying down poses

Lying down is sexy because taking the photo from above will show off all your best angles. But there are lots of variations here:

1. Lying on your back with one leg crossed over

2. Lying on your back with your face to the side

3. Lying with your back arched up

4. Lying with your legs turned to one side or your knees up

5. Lying with your legs up against the wall [Read: Key flirting signs from a woman every man should recognize]

16. Leaning back

Either leaning back or leaning back with your neck stretched are both very sexy selfie poses that will grab the attention. You could also lean back with your knees up, supporting yourself with your arms.

Again, you’re showing off the curves of your body and the leaning pose elongates your torso.

17. Sexy sitting poses

As long as you’re not slouching, sitting can be an approachable and sexy pose to try. When learning how to take sexy pictures, sometimes less is more. [Read: 18 tempting ways to get a guy’s attention wherever you are and wow him]

Here are some options:

1. Sitting on the stairs with your head resting on your hand

2. Sitting on the sofa with your legs stretched out

3. Perched on the edge of a bench

4. Sitting forward with your leg crossed over the other

5. Sitting on the bed with the photo taken from the back [Read: Prolonged eye contact when flirting – what it means and how to do it]

6. Sitting on the bed with your hands on your knees

7. Sitting on a stool, leaning forward

8. Sitting with one leg bent in and the other bent back

18. Sitting with torso obscured

The sexy thing about this pose is that you’re hiding something, i.e. your body! It means people will want to see more, and you’re making them curious! [Read: Why men love staring at breasts]

It’s time to get snapping!

Now you know all the sexy selfie poses and how to take sexy pictures, all that’s left to do is to try. Remember, confidence is key. If you believe you’re looking sexy, you will.

So, choose a pose, smile or pick a sultry expression for the camera, and get everyone staring for all the right reasons!

[Read: Pussy selfies – 16 secrets to take a mouthwatering vagina selfie on the first try

Learning how to take a sexy selfie isn’t that hard. You just need to know the right sexy selfie poses. Use some of these tips the next time you want to take a snap!

The post Seductive Selfie: 57 Best Sexy Selfie Poses & Tips to Show Yourself Off is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

How I Seduce Girls Without Sex Talk

Sex talk isn’t the only way Alek Rolstad seduces girls. Discover his full repertoire for picking up women without using his famed weapon of mass seduction.

Hey guys. I hope you are all doing great.

Table of Contents

1. Social Proof Game

2. Physical Game

3. Standard Night Game

4. Conclusion

I was chatting with Chase the other day, discussing future articles. I share article ideas with Chase (he is better suited to tackle some topics since they are within his field of expertise) and other topics I may have more to say about.

And this is great because I am often unaware of what subjects might be interesting, and others can point out areas to discuss that I might not think of.

Here’s what Chase suggested:

It might be interesting to see “Alek’s game if sex talk doesn't take.” If a girl is highly resistant or immune to sex talk, what do you do? Just bail? Run a different type of game? If sex talk doesn't work with her, does that mean she'll be closed to sex with you, or do you need to run things with her differently?

It’s a fascinating subject because, after all these years, people know me as “the sex talk guy,” and rightfully so. I do not mind being known as this guy.

Clearly, after 15 years in this game (this summer, it will be my tenth year at Girls Chase—I started writing after being active in this field for five years), I know a bit more than sex talk. Sure, I have perfected this technique since I am undoubtedly one of the inventors. I did not invent using sexual frames, though; many great seducers have inspired me. They’ve used techniques that helped me build my methods, so my repertoire is vast.

And, if I were to use sex talk in all my interactions and outings, I would be bored to death with seduction. I use sex talk less these days, to the detriment of my success, since I consider it a weapon of mass seduction, a super powerful tool with a high hit rate. In my eyes, it is still my best weapon. But I refrain from using it more often than not because, after all these years, I am a bit bored of it. I want seduction to feel fresh and exciting. The truth is, there is a lot of great and exciting material out there.

Some material is good, some amazing, and some as powerful as my own “sex talk,” even though it will always give me superior results because I’ve mastered sex talk at its highest level.

I like to focus on different material because, to my surprise, I can use other material in combination with sex talk. Imagine adding some push and pull—showing mixed signals between sex talk gambits! It can help you “set the scene” or create the ideal setting for a smooth sex talk game (isolation, a great hook, a good social frame, and high comfort levels).

Ironically, I have become increasingly curious about material other than my own after all these years. The irony lies that I should have been curious and open-minded during my early days, not now. I would have gained far more from it back then! But I was too obsessed with sexual frames then, and the desire to create my individual style, so that I would shed away tons of great material would have worked better in many settings than my sex talk, for example, in loud clubs.

From the two previous posts discussing my earlier and recent inspirations, you can likely tell I possess a massive repertoire. Sometimes I like to switch back and forth between various methods. Some are better suited for specific settings (loud clubs, small clubs, big clubs) and others for certain dynamics (all interactions are different, and some benefit more from different approaches).

Some nights, I attempted to get girls by using pure Mystery Method, demonstrating social value and following the M3 model. (If you are not familiar with the Mystery Method, familiarize yourself with it!) However, this was more for giggles, but I made it work. For fun, I have tried using the good old-school Speed Seduction style, also for giggles, and I made this work, too.

However, I use certain styles in combination with my typical sex talk style, and I will describe those below.

Jealous Boyfriend: 48 Possessive Guy Signs & Ways to Help Him Fix His Ways

If your boyfriend is the jealous type, the relationship can go south quickly. Here’s the truth about jealous boyfriends and how to stop their possessiveness.

You might think that a jealous boyfriend is cute, but that couldn’t be farther from the truth. While it might sound like a silly thing you can laugh off, it’s actually a glaring red flag that you shouldn’t ignore.

But your boyfriend’s jealousy reaffirms his love for you and makes you feel like you’re the only girl that matters in his whole life, so how can it be so bad?

Well, what if his jealousy goes too far and stops you from living your own life?

How can you tell if he’s being loving or controlling when you just can’t see the difference? You may believe that your boyfriend is really jealous because he loves you so much. But the truth is, love has very little to do with most people’s possessive nature.

More often than not, it’s a guy’s insecurity that makes him jealous and possessive. So, if your boyfriend is the jealous type, what can you do? Don’t worry, we’ll tell you everything you need to know. [Read: 45 big relationship red flags most couples completely ignore early on in love]

Why is having a jealous boyfriend a bad thing?

Having a jealous boyfriend isn’t something you should romanticize. There are several reasons why having a jealous boyfriend will harm the relationship and your attitude toward yourself. But the two biggest reasons are trust issues and possessiveness. Here’s why:

1. A jealous boyfriend has trust issues

When he’s jealous, it means he doesn’t trust you. He doesn’t trust your love for him and he may even believe that you’re going to cheat on him, even if there’s no logic or evidence to prove otherwise. [Read: My boyfriend doesn’t trust me – reasons he has trust issues]

No matter how many times you do your best to reassure him, he’ll never believe it. There’s always a seed of doubt in his mind which enables his behavior of jealousy. He won’t trust you around people who aren’t him because he fears you’ll leave him—this is where possessiveness comes into play.

2. A jealous boyfriend is possessive

When your boyfriend gets jealous, he feels insecure. And when he feels insecure, he becomes more possessive.

If you give in to his possessive habits, you’re giving your boyfriend the power to control. This behavior feeds a jealous boyfriend, making him assume that he’s the final authority in the relationship. [Read: How to say no – 15 ways to reason politely, stop pleasing & feel kickass]

Each time you break free or do something he doesn’t approve of, it makes him feel more jealous and insecure because he believes he’s losing his grip and power over you.

Jealousy and possessiveness is a vicious cycle that takes turns to rear their head all the time. And no matter how hard you try to help your boyfriend feel better, he may only choose to see the ways that you’ve let him down. [Read: Jealousy in a relationship – how to accept, deal, and overcome it in love]

The signs of a jealous boyfriend you need to know

If you see a handful of these signs in your boyfriend, he may just be slightly possessive because he feels insecure now and then, or he may be bordering on controlling behavior.

Jealous boyfriends are like a noose around your neck. Every time you give in, their grip only gets tighter. That’s why it’s important to identify the signs of a jealous boyfriend and learn how to combat them. [Read: 22 early warning signs of a bad boyfriend you need to leave ASAP]

1. You need his approval before you do anything

He constantly wants to play a part in any decision you take. And he just can’t seem to accept it if you choose to do something he doesn’t approve of.

Whether it’s how you dress for dinner, who you text, what you post, or where you go when he’s not around, you must get his approval or your boyfriend will let it be known that he’s upset.

2. His possessiveness is love

Every time you point out just how possessive he is, he defends himself by claiming that he’s possessive only because he loves and cares about you so much. Don’t feed into this lie. [Read: What is true love? 58 signs and ways to tell if what you’re feeling is real]

3. He stalks you

If your boyfriend is following you around without your knowledge or calling you or a friend out of the blue to find your location, he isn’t doing it because he cares. He is stalking you.

Whatever you may be up to, your jealous boyfriend doesn’t trust you and his insecurity is making him stalk you around.

4. You can’t do anything without him

He’s extremely protective of you and doesn’t want you to do anything new without him.

He behaves like your life is in danger when he isn’t around to take care of you, and sulks when you try something new for the first time without him.

5. He’s short-tempered

If your boyfriend is jealous, he most likely also has a short temper. No matter the issue, he is quick to explode into a ball of fire. This kind of behavior makes you feel guilty for having experiences outside of him.

He gets really mad over simple issues, especially if it involves another guy. He just doesn’t want you to create any memories or do anything fun with anyone but him. [Read: Insecure boyfriend – 33 big signs of insecurity in a man and how to date him]

6. He has to know everything

He’s extremely inquisitive about everything that goes on in your life. And if you don’t talk about something you consider too trivial to talk about, he gets angry or sulks until you tell him all the details, all the time.

7. He has to have your passwords

A jealous boyfriend has to know all your passwords.

Even if you don’t want to share them with him yet, he coerces you and threatens you for them. Your social media passwords, your laptop and phone passwords, and—most dangerously—your bank account passwords.

8. You have to answer his calls

It doesn’t matter who you’re talking to or where you are, he expects you to answer his call as soon as he rings. And if you’re already on a call with someone else, then tough luck because he still wants you to pick up immediately.

If you ignore him because you’re busy, he accuses you of ignoring him or being a bad girlfriend. He might even go as far as accusing you of being with someone else. [Read: 18 serious warning signs of a clingy guy & how you can avoid them]

9. He’s emotionally intense

Whether your jealous boyfriend is happy, sad, or angry, his emotions are intense. He can quickly go from 0% to 100%.

If you try to calm him down, he will likely react worse and accuse you of trying to silence him.

10. He hates *all* of your friends

He ridicules all your friends *especially your guy friends* and constantly picks their flaws. And each time they let you down, he takes it upon himself to emphasize how unreliable your friends are, and how he’s the only one you can completely trust.

This is a common red flag in any relationship. When your partner tries to pin you against your friends, they’re isolating you from support outside of them. Be wary of this possessive behavior and do not let him win.

11. He hates space

The idea of giving each other space shocks him. He wants to be a part of everything you do.

And yet, he will whine and nag about something you enjoy until you give it up and do what he wants just to keep him happy. [Read: 15 ways to give space in a relationship and feel closer than ever before]

12. His world revolves around you

He behaves like his entire life revolves around you. And he expects you to behave the same way around him, even if you don’t feel that way just yet.

He wants to be the center of your world, and forces you to give him preferential attention over everyone else in your life. He feels left out and wronged if you have a hobby or interest that he also doesn’t enjoy.

13. He tags along

A jealous boyfriend is extremely insecure regardless of how much you try to make him feel loved. His insecurity makes him feel excluded, and as a result, he involves himself in every aspect of your life.

He doesn’t like it when you go out to meet your friends by yourself and always insists on tagging himself along, especially if there are a few guys in your group of friends. [Read: 46 tips, rules, and relationship advice for women to have a great love life]

14. You shouldn’t have fun alone

If your boyfriend is jealous and possessive, he hates it when you have fun without him.

If you watch a movie with your friends and meet him at the end of the day, you will find him really quiet or sulking. This is because he wants you to feel bad for having fun without him there!

15. You can’t compliment someone else

When you’re dating a jealous guy, he doesn’t like it when you speak highly of someone else. Every time you say something nice about someone, be it a friend, family member, or celebrity, he immediately shuts it down.

He has no problem pointing out the flaws of the people you compliment. This is because he’s extremely competitive and wants you to believe that he’s the only one you should ever look up to or seek help from. [Read: Controlling relationship – 42 signs and ways to love without bullying]

16. He tries too hard to win you over

This may seem sweet, but in reality, it is manipulative. A jealous boyfriend will go above and beyond to try to win you over.

He will change his look and his interests to seem more appealing to you. Even if you like him the way he is, he won’t believe you.

Your boyfriend will fake his entire personality to get your approval. And if you tell him you like him for who he truly is, he will find a way to turn it into a problem. You’ll be blamed for changing him or accused of not liking the new version of him.

17. He’s happy when you’re down

He seems particularly happy when your friends let you down, even though he doesn’t say it out loud. And he uses the occasion to prove why you should trust no one but him because everyone else is unreliable. [Read: Selfish people – 20 ways to spot and stop them from hurting you]

18. He acts like he doesn’t care

On the complete opposite end of the spectrum, your jealous boyfriend may act like he doesn’t care about what you do or who you talk to.

If he goes out of his way to shut you down or let you know he couldn’t care less, the truth is that he couldn’t care more.

How to handle a jealous boyfriend

Remember, not all the previous signs or traits in a guy are bad or dangerous for a relationship. But there’s a thin threshold between tolerable behavior and extreme possessiveness. And that threshold is different for all of us.

But then again, you should never lose yourself in your pursuit of turning your jealous boyfriend into a not-so-jealous one. [Read: Compromise in a relationship – 17 ways to give & not feel like you lost]

Whether your boyfriend shows a few signs of jealousy or all of the signs, it’s important to learn the red flags to look out for before they become unmanageable. Once you have identified that he’s jealous, here’s how to handle it:

1. Share your feelings

Communication in a relationship is key to overcoming any issue. It may be nerve-wracking to share your feelings because of his unpredictable attitude, but you need to let your voice be heard.

As smoothly and calmly as you can, talk to your boyfriend about how his jealous behavior makes you feel.

He might respond with defensiveness, but don’t let him convince you that your feelings aren’t valid. Opening a discussion about his jealousy affects you is the first step in the right direction.

If his defensiveness becomes verbally, emotionally, or physically abusive, leave the conversation quickly and speak to a support group *friends, family, or counselor* about the issue.

2. Don’t get defensive

This is one of the general rules in dealing with a jealous partner. If you’re defensive, then you’re only proving his worst fears and insecurities further.

Don’t try to get defensive or act insulted when he says he’s jealous about this guy you’re talking to.

Instead, be open and explain everything on your end. Tell him he’s just a friend and that he has nothing to worry about. Reassurance really is the key. [Read: Why do people get defensive? The most common reasons & ways to handle them]

3. Identify boundaries in the relationship

Setting boundaries with your partner is a MUST for any relationship. Boundaries allow you to create guidelines for your relationship and understand what is important to each other.

So by establishing boundaries, you communicate with your partner your likes, dislikes, what makes you feel loved, and what makes you feel scared.

If your jealous boyfriend shows up to your time out with friends unexpectedly or if he is threatening you for your social media password, you need to clearly set boundaries with him so he knows he can’t do that.

When boundaries are set, communication becomes more direct and clear. [Read: 23 secrets to set personal boundaries & guide others to respect them]

4. Remind him that you’re on his side

Jealousy typically stems from insecurity and low self-esteem. If your jealous boyfriend doesn’t view himself highly, he won’t assume that you do either. This is where it’s important to reassure him that you do view him highly and enjoy being with him.

5. Ask him directly about what’s bothering him

If you haven’t already, ask your boyfriend exactly how he is feeling and what seems to be at the root of his issues. However, do not get defensive about your own behavior. Instead, give him the space to talk freely. [Read: 18 secrets to get a man to open up, communicate, and understand you]

If you respond to his issues in a defensive manner, your jealous boyfriend may misinterpret your feelings and your problems will only get worse.

So practice stepping back from the situation and giving your boyfriend the floor to speak his mind. Once he has finished, then you should practice clear and gentle communication skills with one another.

6. Discuss things from his past

Our pasts can explain a lot of who we are today. Have a talk with your boyfriend about his past and you may be able to find an explanation for his jealous behavior.

Be an empathetic shoulder for him to cry on. Reassure him but let him know his past anxieties and fears do not have to define who he is today or your relationship.

Allow him to face his issues so that he can become a better partner for you. Don’t attack his insecurities, but make him feel that you’re in this with him in facing his issues. Reassure him that you won’t leave his side.

7. Come up with solutions together

If you want to stop having a jealous boyfriend, you’re both going to have to put in work. Once you’ve set boundaries, you will need to come up with solutions together to make sure those boundaries are met.

Compromise is important for any type of relationship. He can’t expect you to devote your entire life to him, and you can’t expect him to be okay without reassurance. Talk things through and find solutions that benefit both of you.

8. Encourage him to have a social life

When boyfriends become jealous, they will sometimes deprive themselves of a social life or even attempt to attach to yours.

So try to encourage your boyfriend to have a life outside of yours. Maintaining friendships outside of your relationship is very healthy. [Read: Insecurity in a relationship – 34 signs and secrets to feel more secure & love better]

9. Be open about what you’re up to

If your boyfriend’s jealousy flares up when you aren’t around him, try to be open with him about what you’re doing. Let him know where you’re at and who you’re with so he can know you’re safe and thinking of him.

Of course, he doesn’t have to know every detail about your plans, but let him know before you go out where you’ll be, or update him when plans change. A simple text letting him know you’re thinking of him while you’re out may help as well.

10. Talk about his fears and anxieties

If you really want to encourage your jealous boyfriend to be a secure one, then you need to be empathetic to what he’s feeling.

This isn’t the easiest thing to do, especially when his jealousy can come off as annoying and frustrating most times.

However, sitting down and talking about his fears can encourage him to reflect on his actions and become a better boyfriend for you. It can also feel cathartic on his part to talk about his jealousy. [Read: Jealous type – how to reassure and win over a super jealous lover]

If you want to remain subtle and not make it obvious you have an issue with his jealousy, you can just tell him you want to be there for him, no matter what insecurities and fears he’s battling with.

11. Call him when you’re out with friends

Your boyfriend may feel rather insecure and jealous when you go out with your friends and have a nice time.

The only thing that goes on in his head would be, “Does she have more fun with her friends than she does with me?” Again, all of this is because he’s very insecure and doubtful about himself.

So calling him over the phone, as simple as it might seem to you, is actually a huge deal for him. Call him now and then and have a quiet conversation without getting disturbed by your friends.

It’ll make him realize that you’re thinking of him even when you are away. [Read: 87 secrets to be a really good girlfriend and leave him happily addicted to you]

12. Involve him in your social activities

Jealous boyfriends can create epic fantasies and illusions in their minds when they’re feeling threatened. Every time you go out with your guy friends, he may end up brooding about what you’re doing, whom you’re flirting with, or who’s pawing you.

When dealing with a jealous boyfriend, the last thing you should do is make him feel left out of social activities or when you’re going out.

Don’t forget to include him in the same way you probably want your boyfriend to include you in his social activities! Let him realize by himself that you’re not on a flirting spree every time you go out with your friends.

13. Indulge in a bit of PDA with him

Indulging in a public display of affection with your boyfriend here and there may make him uncomfortable, but he would still love it.

By getting cuddly in public, either by holding his hands or kissing his cheek, you’re letting the world know that both of you are a couple.

This is precisely the kind of reassurance he needs, to believe that you love him to the point that you’re willing to show him off to everyone else.

14. Surprise him with gifts

If you don’t already, try surprising him with a gift you know he will like. It doesn’t have to be anything extravagant or expensive—even the smallest and cheapest gifts can mean the most. Gifts are a way to let someone know you were thinking of them, which is something an insecure boyfriend values.

Plus, having a physical reminder that you were thinking of him can help reassure your boyfriend when you aren’t there to do it yourself. [Read: 34 best gift ideas for your boyfriend he’ll love more than you know!]

15. Don’t be distant

This is another one of the fears that a jealous partner is likely to have with you.

If you’re anywhere near distant, cold, emotionally unattached, or indifferent, then his insecurities automatically kick in. You need to understand where he’s coming from and being distant isn’t the key. [Read: How to recognize an emotionally distant partner & deal with them]

16. Talk about what confidence means to you

Share with your boyfriend what self-confidence means to you. Talk about your own experience with confidence and how you manage it as a source of inspiration for him. And don’t be shy to let him know times when you’ve perceived him as confident!

You can also sit down with him and review information online about self-esteem and how it correlates to confidence. Learning about self-esteem together assures your boyfriend that it will be a team effort to help him overcome his insecurities and hold each other accountable.

[Read: 55 secrets and self-love habits to build confidence and realize your worth]

17. Assess your actions

This isn’t obvious, but maybe you’re doing something to trigger his jealousy and insecurities. Maybe you keep going out of your way to text guys or going to parties to flirt with guys, which will really make your boyfriend insecure.

Jealousy can also be a two-way street—if you want your partner to become better, you should also do your part in this.

18. Ask him to prioritize his health

Let him know that his jealous behavior is negatively affecting his health. He should be his number one priority, just as you are yours. It isn’t healthy for him to prioritize you above himself. [Read: Dependent personality disorder – what it is and how to read the signs]

A sense of identity is so important when in a relationship.

Without it, his emotional health will fall and it will enable his insecure and jealous behavior. Having separate hobbies, social life, work, and family are all healthy necessities in a relationship.

19. Decide if the relationship is healthy for you

Remember that a jealous boyfriend needs an abundance of reassurance and love from you. But regardless of how much you give to him, he will have to take the steps to fix his jealousy himself.

You know your relationship better than anyone. If there are serious red flags you can’t seem to work through, then it’s time to really decide if the relationship is healthy for you.

Yes, a jealous boyfriend needs help working through his insecurities. But you’re his girlfriend, not his mom. You can’t hold his hand and tell him how to behave. He will have to choose to make those steps himself. If he can’t, this might not be the relationship for you. [Read: 59 signs it’s time to break up & give up instead of trying to fix a relationship]

How to stop being a jealous boyfriend

If you’re the jealous boyfriend reading this feature then don’t fret, things can get better. It will take a lot of self-reflection, open communication, and changed behavior.

Now, jealousy is completely normal to an extent, so don’t think you’re weird for having those feelings. Most of the time, we’re scared about our partner finding someone else. That’s why we feel jealousy—we want them only for us. It’s an insecurity we all share.

But jealousy can easily ruin your relationship if your insecurity takes it too far. If you’re prohibiting your girlfriend from having a social life or wearing certain clothes, that’s a problem, and it only becomes worse with time. [Read: 60 perfect traits to be a good boyfriend that’ll make you better than the best!]

If you’re reading this, you realize you don’t want to be that guy. At the end of the day, he won’t win. If you don’t change, you’ll only hurt your girlfriend worse and end up single. So here are ways to stop being a jealous boyfriend.

1. Acknowledge your jealousy

You need to come clean and accept that you’re jealous. There’s no point in being in denial. In fact, if you are in denial, then you’re not ready to change. You need to accept your emotions and behavior as that really is the first step forward.

Look at how you react when you’re jealous and the behavior you impose on your girlfriend. How do you react when you’re jealous? Do you start fights? Are you passive-aggressive?

2. Why are you jealous?

Okay, let’s step back and look at the entire picture. What makes you jealous? Is it when your girlfriend wears revealing clothing? Is it when she talks to other people? What is it that drives you insane? Now that you know what it is, look at why it makes you feel jealous.

Naturally, the answer will be that you’re feeling insecure. Now, look deeper as to why you feel insecure. Do you have previous abandonment issues? Cheating parents? [Read: Love yourself first – where people go wrong and how to do it right]

3. Change your point of view

So, you’ve figured out why you’re jealous, but now it’s time to look at the situation from a different perspective.

You see your girlfriend as someone desirable to other people. So, you’re scared that other people will try to take her from you and that she’ll leave you.

But how does she feel? In her eyes, she sees you as someone who’s suffocating her and making her walk on a tightrope to not upset you. This is why she’s pushing away from you. Practice viewing situations from a perspective other than your tunnel vision and things might become clearer.

4. Jealousy doesn’t mean they’re doing anything

When we’re jealous, we feel threatened, but this doesn’t mean that anything is actually happening. Just because someone approached your girlfriend doesn’t mean she’s going to act on it.

Assuming that things “might” happen is what’s causing you to freak out and punish your girlfriend. She hasn’t done anything wrong and you’re making her feel guilty.

5. This relationship isn’t like the others

Sometimes when we experience a traumatic relationship, we tend to bring those traumas into our new relationships. This is a huge problem because we all know that no two relationships are alike.

Your girlfriend may be loyal and faithful, however, your last relationship has you on pins and needles about cheating. Naturally, because of this, you’re extremely paranoid and monitor her behavior like a hawk. You need to let go of the past and focus on the present.

6. Avoid social media stalking

Listen, the more you hunt for something, the more likely you are to find it. Does it mean what you find is true? No, but you’ll connect it so that you make it true. You need to avoid social media stalking.

In reality, if someone is putting something on social media, the odds are they aren’t doing anything you need to worry about. Leave social media alone, it’ll only drive you nuts. [Read: The toxic dangers of social media and 19 ways it makes you feel insecure]

7. Focus on your self-esteem

Here’s the truth—you’re acting jealous because you’re insecure and have low self-esteem. But the good news is that you can change this behavior. You need to focus on working to build your self-esteem. At the end of the day, your jealous behavior is your problem.

Plus, this won’t change unless you change yourself. Confidence is key and you need to build that up in yourself. Your low self-esteem is hurting your relationship and it won’t change until you get better. [Read: Why am I so insecure? 41 signs and 51 ways to deal with insecurity and fix it]

8. Minimize your reactions

This doesn’t mean you should keep them inside of you, but instead of immediately reacting, take some time to process your emotions and think about the situation.

You don’t need to react right away. What’s important is that you first internally process it and then talk to your girlfriend when you’re in a calmer state.

9. Talk about it with your girlfriend

If you want to truly work on your jealousy, you need to talk about it with your girlfriend. Don’t let it build up inside of you and don’t argue with her about this.

When you’re feeling jealous, stop and think about it. Then, sit down and talk to her about it. Tell her what you were feeling jealous about and why. By using this approach, she will be able to help you overcome your jealousy. [Read: Are relationship fights normal? 15 signs you’re fighting too often]

10. How does your girlfriend feel?

In all of this, you probably haven’t thought about how your girlfriend is feeling. Why don’t you ask?

You should know how your behavior impacts the people around you. She’s probably feeling stressed, pressured, and suffocated. It’s time to look beyond yourself and accept how your behavior is destroying the relationship.

11. Seek therapy

This isn’t an easy thing to overcome and if you can do this on your own, we applaud you. But sometimes we need a helping hand. As a jealous boyfriend, you may not be able to see the root cause of your jealousy.

However, by talking to a professional, they’ll be able to help you pinpoint the cause. Then you can truly start your journey in self-recovery. If not, you may end up in circles and give up on helping yourself.

[Read: Long-term relationship – what it means and 30 secrets to have a love that lasts]

Everyone can be jealous from time to time, but if your boyfriend’s jealousy is doing more harm than good, consider these steps to help him become more secure. But know that at the end of the day, he is the only one who can truly change his jealous ways.

The post Jealous Boyfriend: 48 Possessive Guy Signs & Ways to Help Him Fix His Ways is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

29 Secrets to Get Someone to Text You First & the BIG Mistakes to Avoid!

Cracking the code of how to get someone to text first can be tricky. Yet, with the right strategy, you can subtly inspire them to take the lead.

Let’s talk about a topic that’s as universal as it is universally perplexing: how to get someone to text you first. The world of digital communication can feel like a minefield of unwritten rules and invisible etiquette, where every “seen” message and every unanswered text is a riddle to be solved.

When it comes to starting a conversation, why does the “who texts first” matter? It’s the equivalent of being the first to step onto a dance floor. It can feel vulnerable, almost like a spotlight is suddenly turned on you.

Who wants to risk being left hanging in the middle of the dance floor, right? That’s the dance of digital interaction, a dance that we’re all trying to master.

[Read: Should I text him first or wait for him to text me? Yes, no and what else to know!]

So, how do we get others to take the lead and make that first step? Is there a way to nudge someone to initiate the texting without seeming too pushy or desperate?

You bet there is, and it involves exploring the psychological underpinnings of texting hesitations, deploying smart and effective communication strategies, and sidestepping the pitfalls that might unintentionally put a full stop to the conversation.

Let’s decode the mystery of how to get someone to text you first by understanding the nuances and building a more meaningful and engaging connection.

The Psychology Behind Why Some People Are Afraid to Text First

What really makes us hesitate to send that first text? Is it the butterflies in our stomachs, or is it something more?

To truly understand this, we need to explore some psychological factors that play a significant role in this digital dilemma.

1. The Fear of Rejection

It’s a cold hard fact that nobody likes to be rejected or ignored—it’s like a punch to our self-esteem, and it can often sting long after the initial blow.

This aversion to rejection is deep-seated in our evolutionary past, where being socially ostracized could literally mean life or death. In the modern world, this translates into our fears about texting.

The lack of response could signify dismissal, which can have a significant impact on our sense of self-worth and belonging. Understanding that this fear is a universal human experience can often make it less daunting. [Read: Fear of rejection – 56 causes, signs and ways to overcome it]

2. Overthinking

We’ve all been there—rereading a text thirty times, editing, re-editing, and then deleting the whole thing only to start over. This is the power *or rather, the paralysis* of overthinking in action.

Overthinking, or ‘catastrophizing‘ as it’s called in cognitive psychology, involves imagining the worst possible outcomes, no matter how unlikely they may be.

So, what was just a simple “Hey, how’s it going?” text could, in our minds, potentially turn into the downfall of a blossoming relationship. [Read: 25 fun and cute ways to say ‘hi’ in a text message casually]

3. Perceived Power Dynamics

Society and pop culture often subtly teach us that the person who cares less about a relationship has more power. This can translate into a hesitation to text first, as it might signal that we are ‘more invested’ or ‘too eager.’

But remember, healthy relationships are about mutual care and respect, not power games. Texting first shouldn’t be seen as a sign of weakness, but rather a step towards open communication.

4. Attachment Styles

Believe it or not, how we behave in our relationships—including how we text—can be influenced by our attachment styles, patterns of how we relate to others that are often formed during our early years.

Those with a secure attachment style may feel more comfortable texting first, while those with anxious or avoidant attachment styles might struggle more with the potential vulnerability that comes with it.

5. Self-Esteem and Confidence

Confidence plays a significant role in who makes the first move. People with high self-esteem are more likely to take risks, which includes sending the first text.

On the flip side, individuals with low self-esteem might hold back due to fear of making mistakes or being judged.

6. Fear of Misinterpretation

Texting lacks the tonal cues of spoken conversation, making it easier for messages to be misunderstood. This fear of misinterpretation can lead to hesitation.

Will they understand my joke? Will my tone come across as friendly or stern? These concerns can cause folks to put off sending that first text.

7. Concerns about Intruding

People often hesitate to text first because they worry about intruding on the other person’s time or space. The recipient might be busy, or they might find unsolicited texts annoying.

This respectful concern for others’ boundaries can sometimes become an obstacle in making the first move.

The Best Casual Ways to Get Someone to Text You First

If you want someone to text you first and you want to gauge their interest in you, here are the best ways to do just that!

1. Subtle Suggestion

This is where the art of subtlety comes into play. Just casually slip into the conversation that they’re welcome to text you anytime. You could say something like, “I’m always up for a chat, so don’t hesitate to drop me a text!”

This way, you’re giving them an open invitation and assuring them that they won’t be intruding on your time. [Read: 18 rules to get a guy to text you first if you don’t want to appear too eager]

2. Sharing Interests

This is the fuel that keeps the conversational engine running. Discover shared hobbies, favorite shows, common food dislikes—anything that gets the two of you on the same wavelength. This creates a reservoir of topics that they can tap into for starting a conversation.

Next time they see a trailer of a movie from a director you both like, they might just hit you up to discuss it.

3. The Principle of Reciprocity

Ah, the old “give and take.” In the realm of social psychology, this principle suggests that if you do something for someone, they’ll feel an inherent urge to do something in return.

By being proactive in your texting, you’re essentially setting a precedent for them to follow. If you show that you’re happy to initiate, they’ll likely feel more comfortable doing the same in the future. [Read: Am I texting too much? The subtle signs they think you’re a clingy texter]

4. Leave Conversations Open-Ended

Picture your conversation as a thrilling novel. You don’t want to slam it shut, instead, you want to leave it on a cliffhanger.

Instead of ending chats with conclusive statements, try to leave things a bit more open-ended. This gives them an opportunity to pick up the thread and start the next conversation. [Read: 45 happy ways to keep a conversation going and be a lot of fun to talk to]

5. Use Positive Reinforcement

Positive reinforcement is a time-tested method of encouraging desired behaviors. This principle works just as well in text conversations as it does in a laboratory with lab rats pressing levers for treats.

The idea is simple – rewarding a behavior increases the likelihood of that behavior being repeated.

A simple acknowledgment, such as “I always enjoy hearing from you,” can help them feel seen and valued. This kind of positive feedback reinforces their action of texting you first, making them more likely to repeat it in the future.

It’s the little words of affirmation that can make a big difference in how someone perceives their interactions with you.

A sprinkle of appreciation here and there can go a long way in fostering a more comfortable and balanced texting dynamic.

6. Be Approachable

Being warm, open, and engaging in your responses encourages more communication.

If your texts are consistently brimming with positivity and genuine interest, they’ll feel more motivated to reach out first, knowing their efforts will be met with enthusiasm. [Read: Why don’t guys hit on me? 21 ways to be way more approachable]

7. Offer a Texting ‘Ping Pong’

Keep the conversation balanced. If you notice you’re sending significantly more texts or much longer texts than they are, it might feel overwhelming to them.

Try to mirror their texting style to create a comfortable rhythm.

8. Show Genuine Interest

When they open up and share something, it’s important to express genuine interest and engage with what they’re saying.

This demonstrates that you value their input and are eager to learn more about their perspectives. It also creates an inviting atmosphere for further conversation.

By responding with open-ended questions, you give them the opportunity to delve deeper into their thoughts and experiences.

A robust and engaging conversation often begins with a well-placed question that shows you’re not just passively listening, but are actively interested in their narrative. [Read: How to let a guy know you’re interested without being too overeager]

9. Timing is Everything

Pay attention to when they’re most active or responsive and try to initiate your texts during these periods.

By aligning your messages with these optimal periods, you increase the chances of a swift and engaged response. It’s about being considerate of their time and schedule, which can lead to more meaningful interactions.

Plus, they will appreciate your understanding, and it might also encourage them to consider your schedule when they initiate, creating a more balanced and respectful communication rhythm.

After all, effective communication is not just about what you say, but also when you say it.

10. Patience is Key

Remember, developing a comfortable texting rapport takes time. They might not start texting first right away, but don’t let that discourage you. Patience and consistency are your best friends here.

11. The Charm of Curiosity

Post intriguing things on your social media accounts. The idea is to create a little mystery and pique their curiosity. This doesn’t mean you should fabricate your life to seem more exciting, but rather, share genuine interests, hobbies, or moments that make you, well, you!

An exciting book you’re reading, a cool hike you’ve just done, or even your opinion on the latest Marvel movie—all these things can give someone a reason to reach out and start a conversation. [Read: The perfect thirst trap – What it is, why it scream “I want attention” and how to ace it!]

12. Leveraging the Power of FOMO

Use the power of ‘Fear of Missing Out‘ to your advantage. Share experiences or events that you’re excited about or planning to attend.

If they see that you lead an engaging life, they might be more inclined to be part of it.

13. Tagging Triumph

If appropriate, tag them in posts, memes, or articles that you think they would find interesting, funny, or relatable.

This isn’t just about getting them to text you first, but also about showing them that you’re thinking about them and consider them when you come across things that resonate with their personality or interests.

14. Engage with Their Content

Don’t just be a passive follower. Engage with their posts, leave thoughtful comments or react to their stories.

Let’s say they post about a book they’re reading. You could comment with something like, “Oh, I’ve heard great things about that author! Would love to hear your thoughts when you’re done.”

It not only acknowledges their post, but also opens up a conversation thread that they can initiate later.

Reacting to their stories or posts isn’t just about tapping a heart or laughing emoji. It’s about showing genuine interest and engagement with their content. This can make them more likely to reach out to you, as it creates a sense of familiarity and shared understanding.

15. Broadcast Availability

Sometimes, people hesitate to text because they’re unsure if the other person is free or would welcome their message.

Subtly hinting that you have some free time, like posting a picture of a cozy evening with a caption like “Chilled evening at home, perfect time for a chat,” could make them feel more comfortable about texting first. [Read: 20 wily secrets to get men to chase you and get any guy to fall hard]

Big Mistakes to Avoid When Trying to Get Someone to Text You First

Just as important as knowing what to do is knowing what not to do. It’s like learning to ride a bike – avoiding the potholes is just as crucial as pedaling.

So, let’s now examine some common pitfalls or “red flags” to steer clear of when trying to encourage someone to text you first. Here are a few behaviors that can do more harm than good:

1. Double Texting

Yes, waiting for a reply can be akin to watching paint dry, but resist the temptation to send multiple texts before receiving a response.

It might seem like you’re keen, but it can come across as overly eager or even aggressive. Remember, patience is not just a virtue, but also a valuable texting strategy. [Read: Double texting – What it is, how to avoid it and must-follow rules]

2. Passive-Aggressive Tactics

Whoa, steer clear of this one! Trying to guilt-trip someone into texting you is like trying to get a cat to fetch—it’s not going to end well.

Emotional manipulation is not just a red flag, it’s a flashing neon sign. Keep your texting vibes positive and pressure-free.

3. Overdoing the “Hard to Get” Act

Maintaining a certain level of intrigue can make interactions more captivating. It’s all about finding the perfect balance, though.

While a hint of mystery can pique someone’s interest, appearing too aloof or disinterested can have the opposite effect and discourage someone from reaching out.

Ensuring a balanced level of engagement helps to keep the conversation lively and the interest mutual. [Read: 32 secrets to play hard to get with a guy selectively and make him chase you]

4. Ignoring Their Messages

This is a no-brainer, but it’s worth emphasizing. If you want to know how to get someone to text you first, make sure you’re responsive when they do reach out.

You might be sending the wrong signals by ignoring their messages or taking an excessive amount of time to respond.

5. Overcompensation with Long Messages

Balance is key in any conversation, including texts. If you’re sending paragraphs while receiving one or two lines in return, it might be time to recalibrate.

Bombarding them with text walls can be overwhelming and may discourage them from initiating next time.

6. Lack of Empathy

Empathy is the secret sauce of effective communication. If they share something personal or intimate, it’s crucial to respond with sensitivity and kindness.

If you seem dismissive or indifferent, it can create a barrier, making them less likely to initiate contact in the future. So, understanding and compassion are key to fostering an environment where they feel safe to reach out and express themselves.

7. One-Sided Conversations

Try to avoid making the conversation all about you. Show genuine interest in their life, their feelings, their daily trivia.

This mutual exchange makes conversations more engaging and increases the likelihood of them initiating. [Read: Dry texting – What it is, 44 signs and ways to avoid being a boring dry texter]

Spark That Connection!

It’s always important to keep sight of the bigger picture. Yes, we’re talking about texts, but really, we’re talking about connection, understanding, and mutual respect.

These strategies and insights are not about controlling outcomes, but about fostering an environment where conversation comes naturally and willingly. They’re about maintaining communication lines that are open, warm, and inviting.

While we’ve been discussing the art and science of inspiring that first text, let’s remember, the most memorable conversations aren’t forced—they’re spontaneous, genuine, and filled with mutual enthusiasm.

It’s not just about who initiates the conversation. It’s about the meaningful connections that grow, the shared laughter that resounds, and the exchange of thoughts that dance across screens.

[Read: 38 interesting ways to start a conversation over text and make each text more fun to reply]

So here’s to more of those heartfelt exchanges, and here’s to you, deftly crafting them. Learning how to get someone to text you first is not just about sparking a conversation, but also about kindling a connection that could last a lifetime.

The post 29 Secrets to Get Someone to Text You First & the BIG Mistakes to Avoid! is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.