9 Pieces of Red Pill Dating Advice that Are Blue Pill AF

Red pill offers a lot of dating advice to curious men. While this advice can seem good on the surface, much of it is lifted directly from the ‘blue pill’.

Seduction has a strange relationship with the red pill. The two fields have plenty of overlap on many things, but there’re also some glaring (often diametrically opposed) contrasts in perspectives and practices.

When the red pill first split off from the seduction community in the late 2000-naughts, it more or less carbon copied the dating advice of seduction, albeit infused with politics and just a dash of cynical avoidance. Since that time, it’s exploded in size, becoming an enormous ideological sect that dwarfs its seduction community forebear. Yet as it’s grown, it’s also transmogrified so radically that a lot of its dating advice has altered as well, in some cases becoming rigid and dogmatic, and in others completely watered down.

There are some reasons for this that are worth a brief address. If you don’t care about the reasons and history, however, you can just skip down to #1 and get right to the ‘advice’.

First though, let’s talk exactly how red pill dating advice became such weak sauce.

As an Older Man, Do You Need Money to Date Younger Girls?

Younger women date exceptional older men. But does this mean an older man needs wealth to date younger? Not exactly – YET his occupation is KEY…

A while back, I wrote an article entitled “What's It Take to Attract and Date Younger Women?” In this article, I stated that to date younger women as an older man, you must be an exceptional older man.

One of the ways I said you need to be exceptional is in your career. I stated that

You can't play the mysterious/traveling unemployed adventurer card as an older man; once you're past 33 or 34 or so, I think you've pretty much got to be a business owner (best), retired (second best, or maybe tied for best), or reasonably high up in whatever you do for work.

Over the years, I’ve had numerous men worried that they wouldn’t qualify for this asking if that means they’re precluded from dating younger women. Most recently, a reader commenting on my article about the 12 mindsets of highly successful seducers asked about this, saying

Chase,

Great article as always.

I wanted to ask a quick question and get clarification on something.

So, I’m reading through old articles of yours and noticed some are about not needing a lot of money to do well with women, but I still get confused with the older man being exceptional article.

I know money isn’t everything with seduction, but with that older man getting younger women article. It always sticks out to me when you said you’d need to be relatively high up in your career, retired, or have your own business by your 30s if you want younger women.

Then you have later articles about how saying you’re a business owner doesn’t win points with women, having a high paying career doesn’t attract women, etc.

You say it’s better to be an artist or whatever romantic hobby you do.

Then there are the articles about getting women while broke, living like a minimalist, etc.

I know you need money for a family, maybe a relationship.

But from what I got from the exceptional older man article was that you need to have a high paying career, a business, or be retired (which means you have money) in order to get younger women.

Of course game and fundamentals matter too, but from that article, money seems the most important because if it wasn’t it wouldn’t have been mentioned.

Every time I think of that part in the article it feels like you won’t have any chance with younger attractive women if you don’t have one of those things with money. Then I read articles after that that sound like you still have a chance because career and money don’t matter if you don’t have fundamentals and game.

So is money and being exceptional only needed for younger women? Were those articles about not mentioning your career or saying you’re a business owner only good for women your own age?

Could you please clarify these things for me?

Thanks

So, all right. Let’s clarify what I mean by ‘exceptional older man’ and why I say those things – owning a business, being retired, or being high up in your career – are important.

And no, it has nothing (or very little) to do with MONEY!

12 Mindsets of Highly Skilled Seducers

Skilled seducers don’t just do things different from most men. They even THINK different. Think like a skilled seducer, and success with women comes easier.

I haven’t done a good ‘roundup’ article in a while.

Rather than write something totally different and original, I figured I’d do a refresher piece. As valuable as new concepts and perspectives are, it’s also worthwhile to review important past ground too.

Below, I’ve listed out 12 of the most important mindsets highly skilled seducers operate under. These mindsets differentiate the man highly skilled with women from ordinary men. They are a result of heaps of experience and success with girls – but they are also obtainable through a focus on obtaining these mindsets as you approach, date, and seduce women, too.

As you go through this list of seducer mentalities, take a look at how closely you hew to each – and for those you don’t, examine how you normally think instead.

Women Today Are Less Worried About Being "Sluts", More About Being COMFORTABLE

Women now are far less worried that men won’t accept their sexuality than they were 10 years ago. Yet what’s still key to them TODAY is sexual COMFORT.

Hey everyone. I hope you are all doing well.

Earlier this year, a forum thread by veteran seducer Skills discussed observations about social changes in 2023. He writes about this annually, summarizing social changes while explaining reasons and providing cues and inputs about calibrating to these changes.

In that post, he mentioned several topics, but one that caught my attention was using sex talk (what Skills refers to as second-generation verbals).

From Skill’s original post:

… Physical game and even to some extent dance floor game are 1000% back, More physicality, more people making out at clubs, more pulls when women [are] out... Physical game is back, last year 2021 coming back, 2022 almost 100% back, 2023 was 1000% back, the use of second gen was pretty much nonexistent last year for most people even in lay reports gone...same with dance floor game back…

It pleases me that physical and dance floor game are returning to pre-COVID levels. I used to be good at it, and I miss it. I have been using it here and there and noticed it is making a slight comeback. Other than occasionally, I don’t intend to return to that game style, but I am pleased to see that physical game is returning.

The second part of his comment may seem less hopeful. I know that Skills refers to sex talk when he mentions “second gen.” His observations are partly correct. I responded to that thread with a more sympathetic answer than what I am about to cover, and most agreed with me in the thread. This is not to say Skills was wrong, but that sex talk needs tweaking.

And that is what I will discuss today.

55 Best Natural Aphrodisiacs, Food that Turns You On & the Must-Knows Risks!

Aphrodisiacs don’t need to be super-expensive and rare. There are many natural aphrodisiacs sitting in your kitchen that you might not even know about!

Do you ever feel like you’re expected to want to have sex on demand? As though you’re supposed to have a high sex drive and be ready to go as soon as someone suggests it? The reality of life is rather different. Stress, tiredness, and simply not being in the mood can all stop you from wanting to get it on. But, if you’re keen to try and add a little pizzazz to your sex life, why not try some natural aphrodisiacs?

Of course, a lowered libido in both men and women can be attributed to poor eating habits, lack of exercise, and sleep. Who thought that this would be so complicated?

So, if you want to change things and feel the horn a little more often, it’s about cleaning up your lifestyle and trying a few added suggestions.

[Read: Sexless relationship? Why sex matters a lot and how to spark the passion again]

What are Aphrodisiacs?

Aphrodisiacs are substances that are believed to enhance sexual desire and performance. The concept of aphrodisiacs has been present in human culture for centuries, with a variety of herbs, foods, and supplements being classified under this category.

Scientific studies on aphrodisiacs have yielded mixed results. While some natural substances are thought to have libido-enhancing properties, the evidence is often anecdotal or based on traditional uses rather than rigorous scientific research.

For example, certain foods like oysters, chocolate, and spicy chili peppers are popularly considered aphrodisiacs, but scientific backing for these claims is limited.

An important factor to consider in the effectiveness of aphrodisiacs is the placebo effect. This psychological phenomenon occurs when a person experiences a perceived improvement in sexual performance or desire after using an aphrodisiac, solely because they believe it will work.

The power of expectation and belief can significantly influence one’s sexual experience, meaning that the effectiveness of certain aphrodisiacs may be partly or entirely due to the placebo effect.

When it comes to supplements, it’s crucial to approach them with caution and seek medical advice, especially if there are underlying sexual dysfunction issues. [Read: How to get in the mood for sex: 17 horny tricks to beat a dry spell ASAP]

Supplements can have side effects or interact with other medications, so they should only be used under a doctor’s supervision.

Natural aphrodisiacs, on the other hand, are generally safer, as they involve consuming foods or herbs that are part of a regular diet.

However, even with natural substances, individual reactions can vary, and what works for one person may not work for another. It’s also worth considering that the perceived effectiveness of natural aphrodisiacs might also be influenced by the placebo effect. [Read: 25 things that make you EXTRA horny & red flags that drop it instantly]

Natural Aphrodisiacs That Work Wonders and Make You Horny

Of course, you should try to eat clean, work out, and get your eight hours of daily sleep. That’s a given. Good health means you’re far more likely to be in the mood naturally.

But is there something else we can do to give your sex drives a little bit of a boost? Well, there is. No, you don’t have to use Viagra; well, you can, but why not try natural aphrodisiacs first?

We already know that aphrodisiacs are foods that turn you on. So, we’re going to tell you the aphrodisiacs that you should try if you want to boost your sexual desires.

Maybe you should free up your schedule for the evening – if the desired outcome occurs, you’re going to be very busy indeed! [Read: Important female PSA – How to increase female libido quickly]

1. Chocolate

We know you were hoping this would be on the list and lucky for you, it is. Chocolate has been known for years and years as an aphrodisiac.

Why? Well, chocolate actually contains components linked to increasing levels of serotonin in your brain. Serotonin makes you feel happy and also enhances your sex drive, making it one of the best natural aphrodisiacs around.

However, you should go for the most high-quality version you can find. That means natural cocoa and not the sugar-laden milk variety you may love some much. [Read: All the sexy benefits of being a chocolate lover]

2. Pine nuts

Who would have thought that these little nuts would have such an effect on your sexual drive? Pine nuts are loaded with zinc which is responsible for producing testosterone.

So, dudes, this is for you. Not sure how to eat them? Grind them up with some basil, garlic and olive oil, and enjoy!

There you have it, pesto sauce. This is why some Italian men have an unwanted reputation as womanizers – it’s probably all those pine nuts. [Read: Safe and natural ways to increase your libido]

3. Ginseng

Ginseng, particularly the variety known as Panax ginseng, has been recognized for its potential in improving sexual function.

A systematic review, which was published in the International Journal of Impotence Research in 2008, provides valuable insights into this aspect. This review analyzed multiple studies that investigated the effects of Ginseng on erectile dysfunction.

One of the key findings from these studies is that Ginseng appears to have a positive impact on the physiological aspects of erectile function. It is thought to improve penile rigidity and longevity of erection, which are critical factors in sexual performance.

The active compounds in Ginseng, known as ginsenosides, are believed to be responsible for these effects. These compounds have been shown to influence the nitric oxide pathways in the body, which play a crucial role in achieving and maintaining erections.

Furthermore, the review highlighted that Ginseng might also contribute to improving overall sexual satisfaction.

This is not only due to its physical effects but also because of its potential benefits in terms of increasing energy levels and reducing fatigue, both of which can contribute positively to sexual health and performance.

4. Cinnamon

Just don’t eat a spoonful of it if you want to actually enjoy the experience. Instead, add it to something else.

Cinnamon reacts by heating up your body’s temperature, including your sex drive. So, if you drink hot chocolate, sprinkle some on for an extra boost of heat where you want it the most.

5. Celery

Yes, we were surprised too, but this is one of the common, natural aphrodisiacs! This somewhat tasteless vegetable has a lot more going for it than you think.

It contains two chemicals – androsterone and androstenol, which act as sexual attractants after you eat the celery. Throw it in a smoothie or make a soup out of it. It doesn’t matter how you eat it, just do it! [Read: How to get in the mood for sex – Get horny and beat the dry spell]

6. Garlic

It’s not the best idea to eat this right before going on a date or a night out with your friends, but garlic is another great aphrodisiac. Garlic contains allicin which helps to increase blood flow.

So, if you ate a lot of garlic today and wonder why you’re able to have sex longer than usual, well, thank that garlic clove. [Read: The surprising reasons why you may be feeling really horny all of a sudden]

7. Truffles

Yup, these luxurious fungi are thought to stimulate androgen receptors and increase pheromone production.

A study in the Journal of Endocrinological Investigation explored their influence on animal mating behavior, suggesting a possible link to increased sexual attraction.

8. Honey

But, you need to make sure it’s raw honey. Raw honey is packed with B vitamins which help support testosterone production, thus, increasing sexual desire. But, it’s also great for women as it also contains boron, which aids in estrogen production.

So, both men and women greatly benefit by adding a spoonful of honey to their tea.

9. Chili Peppers

When you’ve eaten a chili pepper, you feel it. Your body heats up, you feel the blood pumping through your veins.

Well, in addition to that, chili peppers also react with your brain, causing it to release endorphins. These are chemicals that make you feel happy and possibly horny. [Read: How to amp up the pleasure – Things that make you horny]

10. Ginger

Just like chili peppers, ginger has a sharp and spicy taste which also helps to increase blood flow and body temperature. You can add ginger to your meal or a cup of hot tea. Whichever way, it’ll work.

11. Pomegranate

This fruit, loaded with antioxidants, is believed to enhance sexual health. A 2007 study in the International Journal of Impotence Research suggested that drinking pomegranate juice might improve symptoms of erectile dysfunction.

The antioxidants in pomegranate are thought to improve blood flow, which could be a factor in this improvement.

12. Coconut Water

Some people aren’t fans of coconut water. For some, the taste is just a little off. But, if you’re into coconut water then you’ll love hearing this piece of good news.

Coconut water actually contains the same amount of electrolytes as your blood. It acts as a metabolism booster and helps increase blood flow, which is why people call it an aphrodisiac. [Read: Can’t shed pounds? Here are reasons why]

13. Almonds

These nuts are not just a tasty snack but also a rich source of essential fatty acids, crucial for hormone production.

Their role in promoting fertility and sexual health was noted in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, underlining the traditional belief in their beneficial properties.

14. Asparagus

This definitely won’t make your pee smell great, but if it helps you out in bed, who cares. Asparagus has long been known to increase circulation in the genital area, thus, increasing your sexual libido.

Of course, asparagus is pretty good for your health in general, so throw it into your meals!

15. Red wine

Now, this doesn’t mean you go and guzzle a bottle. In moderation, we repeat, in moderation! Red wine helps increase your blood flow and lowers inhibitions.

Again, make sure you go for the good quality stuff if you want the best results and if you want to actually enjoy it too. [Read: Romance in a glass – Types of wine to choose on a date]

16. Red Ginseng

Distinct from regular ginseng, red ginseng has been recognized for its effectiveness in treating erectile dysfunction.

A study in the Journal of Urology in 2002 found positive results, highlighting the unique properties of red ginseng in this context.

17. Nutmeg

This aphrodisiac goes way back. We’re talking about the early Hindu cultures where it was told that nutmeg increased sexual appetites. You think these guys were wrong? We don’t think so.

Sprinkle a little nutmeg on your coffee, hot chocolate, or tea. Let us know how that works out for you.

18. Oysters

These are one of the most famous aphrodisiacs as they carry a reputation for being highly effective when it comes to stimulating those who eat them. They’re incredibly high in zinc, plus, contain amino acids which stimulate sex hormones.

Now, you might not regularly have these in your kitchen but you can find them pretty easily. So, if you want to make a romantic meal for your partner, why not buy some fresh oysters as a starter? [Read: Aphrodisiacs and food hell – A lover’s guide to eating well]

19. Avocado

And they say millennials should stop buying avocados! *Don’t listen to those people, keep buying them*

In fact, avocados are doing you more good than anyone perhaps realizes. Avocados have had an aphrodisiac label as far back as the Aztecs. They’re packed with vitamin E which helps keep your energy going while also being a general super-food.

20. Bananas

No, this isn’t because they’re shaped like dicks – come on people, stay focused! Okay, their dick-shaped stature may be a subtle hint to their aphrodisiac nature.

Bananas contain bromelain which stimulates testosterone production and vitamin B content also aids with energy levels. [Read: The best things to do when you’re stuck at home and feel productive]

21. Fenugreek

This is a herb that you will find in most countries, albeit in the dried version. You can easily add this to many dishes, and you’ll find quite a few recipes that call for it too.

Fenugreek is great for boosting libido as it encourages the release of testosterone and estrogen, therefore making you want to get it on!

22. Pistachio Nuts

Pistachio nuts are pretty delicious to pick at or on top of desserts, but they’re also ideal for giving your sex drive a dose of oomph.

Again, this is about blood circulation and extra flow to the parts of you that need it the most when it comes to feeling sexy. [Read: How to be charismatic even if you weren’t born with the mojo]

23. Saffron

Saffron might not be the cheapest spice around but it’s delicious and very effective when it comes to making you feel horny.

This is a particularly good one for the ladies out there as it can boost lubrication ‘down there’ and make you feel generally in the mood. It’s also a good option for guys too, as it boosts blood flow and sexual desire.

24. Maca

This root from Peru has been making waves for its potential to increase libido. Intriguingly, a study featured in the journal Andrologia showed that maca could heighten sexual desire, and it managed to do this without altering hormone levels in the body.

This finding is particularly interesting because it separates the effect of maca on libido from hormonal changes, suggesting a different mechanism at play.

25. Watermelon

Known for its high citrulline content, watermelon can help relax blood vessels. A 2011 study in Urology linked this effect to improved erection hardness in men with mild erectile dysfunction.

Citrulline’s ability to relax blood vessels is similar to the action of certain drugs used for erectile dysfunction. [Read: 37 Potent secrets to get and stay hard & keep an erection up for longer]

26. Ginkgo Biloba

Renowned for its blood circulation improvement properties, Ginkgo Biloba has also been suggested to enhance sexual function.

A 1998 study in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy found it effective in treating sexual dysfunction, particularly those caused by antidepressants.

Popular but Unproven Aphrodisiacs

Now, there are numerous foods and substances that are popularly known and believed to enhance sexual desire and performance, although they lack substantial scientific backing.

Let’s have a look at these commonly believed aphrodisiacs, exploring the cultural anecdotes and traditional beliefs associated with them. While the scientific evidence may be limited, the popularity and enduring allure of these foods and substances make them intriguing to consider.

27. Rhino Horn

Rhino horn is often used in traditional Chinese medicine, believed to boost libido. Scientific studies, however, have not found evidence supporting these claims. Its use is controversial due to the endangerment of rhinos.

The International Rhino Foundation has referenced studies debunking its effectiveness. It remains popular in some cultures despite these factors.

28. Tiger Penis

Tiger penis is used in some cultures for its supposed sexual benefits. That’s right. However, scientific research supporting these claims is lacking.

Ethical concerns arise due to the use of endangered species. It’s more a subject of traditional belief than scientific fact. Its use is controversial and discouraged. So please don’t.

29. Yohimbe

Derived from an African tree bark, Yohimbe is marketed as a natural Viagra. Its effectiveness and safety, however, have not been thoroughly studied. [Read: The female viagra – Can it fix your sex life for good?]

30. Spanish Fly

Another interesting one made from blister beetles, Spanish fly has a history as an aphrodisiac. However, scientific proof of its effectiveness is lacking. It can be dangerously toxic, posing health risks. Its use is based more on historical reputation than evidence. It’s a risky choice with unproven benefits.

31. Durian

Known as the “king of fruits” in Southeast Asia, durian is believed to have aphrodisiac properties. Scientific studies to support these claims are scarce, leaving its status largely based on cultural belief.

32. Balut *Fertilized Duck Egg*

Believed to enhance male virility in Southeast Asia, balut’s reputation as an aphrodisiac lacks substantial scientific evidence. It remains more a traditional belief than a scientifically proven fact.

33. Fugu *Blowfish*

Fugu, a Japanese delicacy, is rumored to have aphrodisiac qualities. However, this reputation is more cultural folklore than science-backed, with little scientific evidence to support it.

34. Ambergris

Used in perfumes and occasionally food, ambergris is believed to have aphrodisiac properties. Yet, there’s minimal scientific evidence supporting these claims, leaving its effectiveness uncertain.

35. Absinthe

Known historically as “The Green Fairy,” absinthe has been considered an aphrodisiac. This belief is more likely due to its high alcohol content rather than any specific aphrodisiac qualities.

36. Cow Cod Soup *Bull Penis Soup*

A Caribbean dish believed to enhance male virility, cow cod soup lacks scientific studies to validate this claim. It remains a cultural belief without scientific backing. Would you try this?

37. Damiana

Used in traditional Mexican culture, damiana is believed to increase sexual arousal. Clinical evidence supporting its aphrodisiac properties is minimal, keeping it largely in the realm of traditional use.

38. Shark Fin

Shark fin is used in traditional Asian medicine and cuisine. It’s believed to enhance sexual health but lacks scientific confirmation.

Environmental concerns make its use controversial. It’s a classic example of traditional beliefs clashing with modern ethics. Scientifically, its aphrodisiac properties are unverified.

39. Muira Puama

Known as “potency wood,” Muira Puama is used in Brazilian folk medicine. However, there’s limited scientific validation for its effects on sexual performance.

40. Sea Cucumber

In traditional Chinese medicine, sea cucumber is believed to have aphrodisiac properties. Yet, comprehensive scientific studies on its efficacy are lacking.

41. Horny Goat Weed

Popular in traditional Chinese medicine for improving sexual function, Horny Goat Weed lacks strong clinical evidence to prove its effectiveness.

42. Chuchuhuasi

An Amazonian tree bark, Chuchuhuasi is used traditionally for various ailments and is believed to have aphrodisiac qualities. The scientific evidence is not robust enough to support these claims.

43. Mandrake Root

Historically believed to be a powerful aphrodisiac due to its human-like root shape. However, its effectiveness lacks scientific support.

44. Catuaba Bark

Used in Brazilian folk medicine, Catuaba Bark is touted to enhance sexual arousal. Solid scientific evidence to back these claims is yet to be established.

45. Bird’s Nest Soup

This soup is valued in Chinese culture for its supposed aphrodisiac qualities. Scientific studies confirming these beliefs are limited.

It’s another example of traditional medicine’s influence on contemporary practices. The soup remains a luxury item in many Asian cultures. Its effectiveness as an aphrodisiac is still a matter of debate. [Read: 46 secrets to arouse a woman mentally without ever making it obvious]

Risks and Warnings to Watch Out

Before you get too excited about experimenting with natural aphrodisiacs or foods that turn you on, it’s crucial to be aware of potential side effects and health risks.

While the allure of enhancing sexual experience is strong, the importance of moderation and understanding your individual health conditions cannot be overstated. Here are points of caution to consider to ensure a safe and informed approach to using aphrodisiacs.

1. Allergic Reactions

Natural aphrodisiacs, like any food or supplement, can trigger allergic reactions in some individuals. For example, shellfish *including oysters* are common allergens. Before trying any new food, be aware of your allergy history and consult with a doctor if unsure.

2. Interactions with Medications

Some aphrodisiacs can interact with medications. For instance, Ginkgo Biloba may interfere with blood thinners and antidepressants. Always check with a healthcare provider, especially if you’re on medication.

3. Overconsumption Risks

Excessive consumption of certain aphrodisiacs can be harmful. For example, eating too many oysters can lead to zinc overdose, potentially causing nausea and stomach upset. Moderation is key.

4. Hormonal Effects

Some substances, like soy products, can have estrogen-like effects, which might be problematic for certain hormonal conditions. Consult with an endocrinologist or a healthcare professional before significant dietary changes. [Read: Chemistry of love: How hormones make you feel love the way you do]

5. Impurities and Contaminants

Aphrodisiacs sourced from the wild, like certain herbs, may contain contaminants. Be cautious of the source and quality of the products you use.

6. Unregulated Supplements

Many aphrodisiac supplements are not regulated by the FDA. This means their purity and dosage are not guaranteed, potentially leading to unexpected side effects.

7. Psychological Dependence

Relying heavily on aphrodisiacs for sexual performance can lead to psychological dependence. It’s important to maintain a balanced perspective and not substitute these for genuine medical advice.

8. Underlying Medical Conditions

If you have an underlying medical condition, such as heart disease or diabetes, some aphrodisiacs could pose risks. For instance, substances that affect blood flow and heart rate need careful consideration.

9. Pregnancy and Breastfeeding

If you are pregnant or breastfeeding, consult your doctor before trying any aphrodisiacs, as some could harm the baby. For example, high mercury levels in certain fish can be detrimental. [Read: How to tell if you’re pregnant: Early signs to keep an eye on]

10. Long-Term Health Effects

Lastly, some aphrodisiacs might have unknown long-term health effects. For instance, the long-term impact of certain herbal supplements on liver or kidney health is not fully understood.

Why Not Give These Natural Aphrodisiacs a Shot

Before turning to drugs or medications, why not give these natural aphrodisiacs a shot? Exploring natural options can be a fun and interesting way to enhance your experiences.

[Read: 18 sexual arousal secrets to make yourself very horny very fast!]

And who knows, with the placebo effect in play, you might just find a surprising benefit. Now that you know the best natural aphrodisiacs, you’re probably remembering some of the foods sat in your fridge right now.

The post 55 Best Natural Aphrodisiacs, Food that Turns You On & the Must-Knows Risks! is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

25 Secrets, Signs & Steps to Repair and Fix a Marriage that’s Falling Apart ASAP

Learning how to repair a marriage isn’t easy, but with commitment and the right strategies, it’s possible to repair and strengthen your bond.

Let’s face it, no one gets married thinking they’ll need to Google ‘how to fix a marriage’ someday. But life is full of surprises, and not all of them are the kind you celebrate with champagne.

If your marriage feels a bit wobbly lately, you’re not alone. Many couples go through rough patches. It’s part of sharing your life with someone else.

But here’s the good news: rough patches don’t have to mean the end. With some effort, understanding, and maybe a bit of guidance, it’s possible to get things back on track.

So, let’s talk about how to breathe new life into your marriage, with some real talk and practical steps.

Ready? Let’s get started!

The End of a Fairy Tale

Fairy tales usually end with ‘And they lived happily ever after’, but they never really show us what ‘happily ever after’ looks like. [Read: 22 Marriage myths people blindly believe that ruin love forever]

In the real world, the story continues, and it’s not always a smooth ride. When it comes to fixing or repairing a marriage, understanding why discord starts is crucial.

Let’s bust a myth right off the bat: there’s no such thing as a perfect marriage. Every relationship has its ups and downs.

In the early days, it’s easy to overlook little annoyances because you’re both in the honeymoon phase. But as time goes on, the quirks you once found adorable might start to irk you. [Read: Happily ever after – The steps to find yours and keep it]

Psychologists suggest that this shift from idealization to reality is a normal part of relationship maturation. It’s when the rose-colored glasses come off, and you start seeing your partner for who they really are, flaws and all.

When the honeymoon phase ends, you might feel stressed, disappointed, or even disillusioned. This is especially true if you’ve been feeding on the idea that marriage is a never-ending romantic movie.

Suddenly, you’re faced with mundane realities like bills, chores, and maybe even parenting. These stresses can take a toll on your relationship if not managed well. [Read: Tired of your relationship? 30 burnout signs and quick fixes]

It’s crucial to recognize when things are off track. Denial can be a huge barrier in learning how to fix or repair a marriage.

Psychologist John Gottman talks about the ‘Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse’ in a relationship: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling.

If you’re experiencing these, it’s a sign to take action. Remember, acknowledging the problem is the first step to fixing it. [Read: Loveless relationship – 54 signs, causes, reasons, and steps to fix it ASAP]

Signs Your Marriage Needs Help

Before you can start fixing or repairing your marriage, you need to recognize the red flags. So, here are ten major signs that suggest it’s time to look for ways to mend the bonds.

1. Communication Breakdown

One of the most glaring signs is when you just can’t talk anymore. Whether it’s giving each other the silent treatment, engaging in endless arguments, or constantly misunderstanding each other, poor communication is a big red flag.

It’s not just about talking, but how you talk and listen to each other that matters in repairing a marriage. [Read: 31 Communication exercises and games for couples and secrets to feel closer]

2. Loss of Intimacy and Emotional Disconnect

When the emotional and physical intimacy starts to wane, it’s a sign that your marriage needs help. This doesn’t just mean a lackluster sex life, it’s also about feeling emotionally distant, like you’re living with a roommate rather than a romantic partner.

3. Trust Issues

Trust is the foundation of any relationship. If there’s been infidelity, secrecy, or lies, it shakes the very core of your marriage. Repairing this breach of trust is critical in fixing your marriage.

4. Persistent Negativity

If criticism, contempt, defensiveness, or stonewalling are constant elements in your interactions, it’s a sign of deeper problems. [Read: 45 Secrets to be more positive and fill your mind with positive emotions 24/7]

These negative communication patterns, identified by relationship experts like John Gottman, are toxic for any marriage.

5. Lack of Shared Goals or Values

When you’re not on the same page about major life decisions or values, it can create a significant rift. Whether it’s about finances, parenting, or personal goals, alignment is key in a healthy marriage.

6. Feeling Contempt for Each Other

Contempt, a mix of anger and disgust, is more toxic than simple frustration or negativity. [Read: Love-Hate relationship – what it is, the big signs, types, and how to overcome it]

It often manifests as sarcasm, cynicism, name-calling, eye-rolling, or sneering and is a major red flag in any marriage.

7. Avoidance of Each Other

If you or your partner start spending more time apart, choosing work, hobbies, or friends consistently over spending time together, it’s a sign that you’re avoiding dealing with your marital issues.

8. Lack of Respect

Mutual respect is crucial in a marriage. [Read: Disrespectful husband – 28 signs and ways to teach him how to treat you better]

If you feel disrespected or notice that you’re disrespecting your partner, it’s time to address this issue. Disrespect can erode the foundation of a relationship quickly.

9. Frequent Thoughts of Leaving

Regularly thinking about leaving or fantasizing about life without your spouse indicates deep unhappiness in your marriage. It’s a sign that you need to take serious steps to fix or repair the relationship.

10. No Conflict Resolution

Every couple has conflicts, but if you’re unable to resolve them and they keep resurfacing, it’s a sign of deeper problems. Learning how to manage conflicts healthily is key to repairing a marriage. [Read: How to resolve conflict – the 20 best ways to cut out the drama]

How to Fix a Marriage

While we’re not marriage counselors, we do know that fixing a marriage requires dedication and a willingness to adapt.

Here’s a rundown of the best pieces of advice to help guide you on this journey.

1. Commit to Change and Growth

Recognize that both you and your partner need to grow and adapt. This commitment is essential. It’s not about changing each other; it’s about evolving together. [Read: 28 Self-improvement secrets to improve yourself and transform into your best self]

Growth can be challenging, but it’s a critical part of repairing a marriage. Both partners must be willing to learn and change. Embrace this journey together.

2. Seek Professional Help

Consulting a marriage counselor can be a game-changer. It’s important to find someone skilled in couples therapy. They provide a neutral space to unpack issues.

Counselors can offer new communication strategies and problem-solving tools. Don’t be afraid to seek help; it’s a sign of strength, not weakness. [Read: Relationship therapy – 25 clues to know if it’ll help your romance]

3. Develop New Habits

Small changes can make a big difference. Start new traditions or rituals, like regular date nights or morning coffee together.

These habits can foster closeness and a sense of normalcy. It’s about creating shared experiences. Incorporating new, positive habits is key in repairing a marriage.

4. Rekindle Intimacy and Affection

Physical and emotional closeness is crucial. Focus on rebuilding intimacy. This might mean scheduling time for physical affection or simply expressing love and appreciation more frequently. [Read: Sexual intimacy – the meaning, 20 signs, you’re losing it and secrets to grow it]

Small gestures of affection can be very powerful. Remember, intimacy is about emotional closeness as much as physical connection.

5. Conflict Resolution Strategies

Master the art of healthy conflict resolution. Approach disagreements with a problem-solving mindset. Avoid blame and focus on finding solutions.

Learn to communicate effectively during conflicts. Remember, it’s not you against each other; it’s both of you against the problem. [Read: 19 Ways to be a much better listener in a relationship and read their mind]

6. Improve Communication

Effective communication is the cornerstone of any strong relationship. Practice expressing your thoughts and feelings openly.

Listen actively to your partner. Ensure your partner feels heard and understood. Avoid assumptions and clarify when in doubt. Remember, good communication involves both speaking and listening.

7. Spend Quality Time Together

Prioritize spending time together. Engage in activities that you both enjoy. [Read: 20 Naughty, sexy date night ideas to make love feel hot and steamy again]

This shared time should be free from everyday stresses. It’s about reconnecting and enjoying each other’s company. Quality time is essential in repairing and strengthening your relationship.

8. Set Boundaries

Establishing clear boundaries is vital. Discuss and respect each other’s needs for space and independence.

Boundaries help in maintaining a healthy relationship. They ensure that both partners feel respected and understood. Remember, good boundaries make good marriages. [Read: 23 Secrets to set persona boundaries and guide others to respect them]

9. Express Appreciation

Regularly show gratitude towards your partner. Acknowledge the little things they do.

Expressing appreciation fosters a positive environment. It helps shift focus from negative to positive aspects of your relationship. Gratitude can be a powerful tool in repairing a marriage.

10. Deal with Past Issues

Address unresolved issues from the past. Holding onto past grievances can hinder progress. [Read: 11 Honest secrets to let go of past, be happy, and look to the future]

Work towards forgiveness or finding a resolution. This process is crucial for moving forward. It’s about letting go of the past to build a better future.

11. Create Shared Goals

Working towards common goals can bring you closer. Whether it’s financial goals, family plans, or personal projects, shared objectives can strengthen your bond.

They give you something to work towards together. Shared goals can be a powerful way to reconnect. [Read: Couple goals – 58 fake and real ideas you MUST add to your relationship goals]

12. Learn and Grow Together

Engage in activities that encourage growth. This could be learning a new skill or hobby together. Shared learning experiences can strengthen your bond.

They bring a sense of adventure and fun to your relationship. Growing together is key in repairing a marriage.

13. Show Patience and Understanding

Patience is key in any relationship. Understand that progress takes time. Show compassion and patience towards each other. Be gentle with yourselves during this process. Remember, healing and growth are not linear.

14. Embrace Individual Interests

Supporting each other’s personal interests is important too. It encourages independence and personal growth. [Read: 15 Ways to give space in a relationship and feel closer than ever before]

Respecting each other’s hobbies and passions can lead to a more balanced and fulfilling relationship. Remember, individuality is a part of what brings you together.

15. Regularly Evaluate Your Relationship

Take time to reflect on your relationship. Discuss what is working and what needs improvement. Be open to adjusting your strategies. Regular check-ins can help keep your relationship on track. It’s about continual growth and adaptation.

When Repair Seems Beyond Reach

Ideally, every marriage hiccup could be fixed with time and effort. However, in some cases, despite the best efforts to repair a marriage, the gap may be too wide to bridge. [Read: 12 Stages of grief in divorce, ways to read them, and the right ways to cope]

It’s important to recognize this reality and consider other options, ensuring that any decision is made respectfully and thoughtfully.

In situations where repair seems beyond reach, it’s crucial to first acknowledge that not all marriages can be saved. This recognition isn’t about giving up, it’s about accepting the reality of your situation.

Sometimes, the healthiest option for both partners is to let go. Understanding this can be a pivotal moment in your life journey. [Read: The questions you need to ask before seeking a divorce]

If you find yourself in this scenario, exploring alternatives becomes necessary. This could mean considering a trial separation, which can sometimes provide the space needed to reevaluate your feelings and decisions.

In other cases, individual therapy can offer valuable insights and support, especially when dealing with the emotional fallout of a troubled marriage.

Therapy can be a safe space to explore your feelings and options, helping you make informed decisions about your future. [Read: The big signs you need sex therapy and how to face it]

Divorce, while often seen as a last resort, is another option that might be the healthiest choice in certain circumstances. If this path is chosen, the focus should be on ensuring a healthy and respectful process.

It’s crucial to handle this phase with as much care and mutual respect as possible, especially if there are children involved.

A constructive approach might include mediation or collaborative divorce, where the emphasis is on negotiation and cooperation, rather than conflict. [Read: The reasons why divorce can be such a damn good thing]

Throughout this process, remember that seeking professional guidance is not just beneficial but often necessary.

Legal and psychological support can help navigate the complexities of separation or divorce, ensuring that both partners’ rights and well-being are considered.

Concluding a marriage is never an easy decision, and it’s often accompanied by a range of emotions, from relief to profound sadness. [Read: Should we break up? 35 signs it’s over and past the point of no return]

However, it’s important to remember that sometimes, parting ways can lead to healthier, more fulfilling lives for both individuals.

In these moments, knowing you’ve explored all avenues to fix or repair the marriage can provide some peace, allowing you to move forward with clarity and confidence.

There’s No Magic Formula for Repairing a Marriage

Going through marital troubles is far from easy, but it’s heartening to know that repairing a marriage is indeed possible. [Read: 59 Signs it’s time to break up and give up instead of trying to fix a relationship]

With patience, understanding, and a willingness to work together, many couples find their way back to a happier, healthier relationship. Remember, it’s about taking one step at a time and being kind to each other and yourselves along the way.

In figuring out how to fix a marriage, it’s important to keep in mind that every relationship is unique. What works for one couple might not work for another, and that’s okay.

The key is to stay open to trying different approaches, whether it’s improving communication, seeking professional help, or simply spending more quality time together.

[Read: 42 Secrets to communicate better in a relationship and ways to fix a lack of it]

While there’s no magic formula for how to repair a marriage, the combination of effort, love, and commitment can make a significant difference. So, take heart.

The post 25 Secrets, Signs & Steps to Repair and Fix a Marriage that’s Falling Apart ASAP is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

Tactics Tuesdays: How to Respond to a Compliment

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As you move about your social life, you are bound to receive compliments. Compliments can be a funny thing: while they are nice to receive, we don’t always know how to receive them. Should we compliment back? Self-deprecate? Accept the compliment with a ‘thanks’?

Part of the confusion revolving around how to respond to a compliment is this: not all compliments are the same.

To respond appropriately to a compliment, first, we need to figure out what kind of compliment it is.

How Does 'Time to Bed' Affect Female Devotion?

If you bed a girl fast, will she be more devoted to you down the road? Or… should you give her a lengthier seduction with a juicy emotional buildup?

Commenting on my article “How to Let a Girl Go”, reader Walter said

These women are just settling for you if you keep being persistent. Have you ever seen those guys posting pics with their new girlfriends or even future wives on social media capturing it like "After 5 years of investing and being persistent she finally said YES"? Little do they know those women will never be into them even when married.

Responding to my response to Walter, in which I commented that Walter’s perspective is not necessarily going to be true, Hak said

Feel like this is great topic for article. I also feel that if you stay persistent to success for a LTR there could be lingering resentment from the other person that you were not their preferred choice. We ideally want to be someone’s preferred choice. Or is that too idealistic for LTR purposes?

I understand your point that if the relationship is good then all those previous thoughts and dynamics get wiped out and start anew.

The first thing to say about how the length of time or amount of persistence it takes you to bed a girl affects things down the line is that it’s never quite as simple as you’d think it might be. Maybe you think because you persisted for her so long, she’ll view it as an amazing event that the two of you ended up together… or you might think that because the two of you got together so fast she’ll feel like it must have been fate.

But the whole truth is that time to bed is just one of the factors that determines how women feel about you long-term, the esteem they hold you in, and how ‘fated’ they think the relationship was… or was not.

Wingman Guide, Pt. 7: Examples of Deadly Wingman-Combos

What’s it look like when two skilled wingmen pick up girls together? Peruse these examples of skilled wingman pickups and get inspired.

Hey guys and welcome back to the final installment in this series on wingmanning.

Across this wingman guide series, I have shared posts on the fundamentals of wingmanning, an A-to-Z guide on wingmanning, from meet to pull, followed by posts about calibration and advanced wingmanning techniques that allow you to deal with trickier situations when out with a wing.

By now, you have more than enough material to have plenty of fun with your wing.

However, you may want to push it further. If you are both skilled seducers and want to perfect your wingman strategy, this post is for you.

Today, I’ll cover different wingman strategies for those with high skills. You have infinite ways to combine the skills of two expert seducers with unique strengths. The examples I’ll share will:

• Display how combining seduction skills best work
• Inspire you to “complete” one another

The idea is to provide real-life examples by providing entertaining stories to motivate you to work on and perfect your wingmanning skills.

Wild stories are fun. A wild story with a wing is godlike.

Who's to Blame for Girls Acting Loose and Slutty?

Girls act loose and slutty in today’s modern world. Who’s to blame for that though? Is it society? The media? Playboy men? Women themselves?

Commenting on my article “Can You Turn a Ho Into a Housewife?”, our reader Ben (who has multiple times accused me of being a corruptor of fair and innocent maids) claims:

You’ve flip flopped again

We had a debate on the morality of sleeping with women you don't intend to wife up, especially more innocent women.

There you claimed girls' pasts don't have any serious impact, and that I was misconstruing your earlier articles.

You are participating in ho-ing women up, and so destroying their futures and society

First, I’ll say it’s obvious Ben only reads what he wants to read into my words (and probably anybody else’s). I’m the guy who’s been telling you since he started this site to check women’s pasts if you want serious relationships with them and that women’s pasts matter. I don’t remember exactly what conversation Ben refers to (I answer a lot of comments), but whatever I said, it certainly would not be that “women’s pasts don’t have any major impact on anything.”

But I’m not here to rehash old arguments. If you’re concerned whether seduction is a nefarious dark art, read these:

• Is Seduction Wrong?

• Do Women Lack Agency?

• Do Bad Evil Seducer Men Corrupt Innocent Women?

Also this one:

• 7 Reasons Why All Girls are Naughty Girls

Obviously, Ben’s position would be that women lack agency; that a seducer like me uses his black magic to corrupt the hearts of shy, pure maidens, who sit around innocently, sort of like cows or living room furniture, waiting to be claimed by a good man – that is, unless a bad man like me gets his dirty mitts on them, transforming them from good, moral, and pure to filthy, soulless sluts who aren’t good for anything.

I have addressed all these criticisms in the earlier articles. But to sum up: women have agency; women are a lot filthier than men are; even the purest of pure girls is way dirtier than all but the most depraved of scoundrels; and if a woman wants to have a lot of sloppy sex, she is going to have it whether there are seducers around or not. If there are no men who will seduce her, then she will become the seductress and take care of business herself.

However, as social consciousness continues to rise worldwide, after more than a century of strident individualism, I think it’s worth address things at the society level. Namely, who is to blame for loose, slutty women?

Tactics Tuesdays: Comfort Zone Expansion

How can a man get comfortable enough with women and dating to be relaxed and natural with them? Only through expanding his comfort zone to include them.

For today’s tactical article, I want to give you a tactic to use in service of an important strategy: making yourself as comfortable as possible with women and dating as you can get.

Most of the time when folks talk about the comfort zone, they talk about breaking out of it. When you are in the process of testing the limits on your comfort zone and going beyond them, this is indeed what you are doing – getting out of your comfort zone.

However, the ultimate effect of breaking out of your comfort zone is to EXPAND your comfort zone, spreading it into new territory. No man ever stops having areas in life he is unfamiliar and uncomfortable with. Yet it is possible to expand his comfort zone so far, in so many places, that he only occasionally and deliberately ends up in scenarios he’s unfamiliar or uncomfortable with. In essence, his comfort zone becomes almost everywhere.

The only way to expand your comfort zone is by treading ground you were previously hesitant to tread. To do that, you need to break out of your comfort zone.

We’ll use a tactic for that today we can dub ‘comfort zone expansion’.

How to Stay Motivated Despite Dating Setbacks

Dating is tough, especially as a beginner. Yet it is possible to remain motivated in dating despite the setbacks – IF you can learn to adapt your goals.

Commenting on my article about how to let a girl go, a reader asked:

Hey man,

Thanks for fleshing out valuable articles. I've been a reader of your site for a long time now. I've had my fair share of success but not enough for the effort I've put in.

Recently I started your 4-girls/day 30 day challenge and I'm having fun with it. It's been 10 days now and I've just got 2 phone numbers which didn't go anywhere. I'm starting to get demotivated. I have a solid process and my fundamentals are good but somehow not seeing success yet.

I'd like to see an article on this subject, specifically about inner game and some tips to overcome this nagging feeling of failure.

Thanks again for all the great work you've been doing man.

Setbacks of course are a part of life. You’ve experienced them, I’ve experienced them. Dating is tough, and by all indications for the average person it is getting tougher.

Many people simply give up on dating for a while, retreating to their careers and their pastimes. Hopefully they maintain social circles – which at least offers the chance of bumping into potential mates occasionally purely by being ‘out and about’ – but in today’s digital screen world, more and more don’t even do that.

If you’ve suffered setbacks in dating but you don’t want to give up just yet, come along with me and let’s talk strategies to keep that motivation up.

Wingman Guide, Pt. 6: Switching Targets, Alpha Females, & Big Groups

In this advanced wingman strategy guide, you’ll learn how to switch targets with your wingman… how to handle alpha females & big groups… and more.

Hey guys and welcome back.

So far in my now 6-part guide to wingmen, I have covered wingmanning fundamentals. Those posts should be enough to get you and your wing results—lots of results.

You can look at the previous posts as your A-to-Z guide on wingmanning. To review, we’ve covered:

• Wingmanning rules
• How to pick up and run interactions with a wing
• How to seal the deal with girls with a wing
• How to fully synchronize with your wingman

Today, we will step it up a notch and discuss how to deal with trickier wingman situations. This and next week’s posts are for more seasoned seducers and work as an “expansion pack” to my previous posts. The strategies covered below build upon what we’ve discussed, so check out my past five posts on wingmanning. Even if you are a seasoned wingman, you’ll likely find some tips in those posts that you may have missed to benefit your wingmanning game.

Relationship FOMO: 56 Truths, Signs & Effects of Dating Someone with FOMO

Do you feel like you might have relationship FOMO? Or maybe you think that your partner has it. Either way, here’s what you can do to combat it.

You may think you’re missing out on something because you’re in a relationship, but that doesn’t mean that you actually are. What you’re feeling is nothing but relationship FOMO.

But the grass is always greener on the other side, or so we think. Just because we think something, doesn’t make it true.

Everyone has different reasons for feeling FOMO. Some people just need time to transition into this new lifestyle, while others aren’t really interested in settling down.

Maybe it’s not you but someone you’re dating. Don’t be so quick to pull the trigger on your relationship if you’re dating someone with FOMO. First, there are a couple of things you should do. [Read: 28 BIG myths and huge benefits of being single girls must know and remember]

The Psychology Behind Relationship FOMO

Let’s delve into what’s going on in the human mind when it comes to relationship FOMO. This phenomenon isn’t just about being nosy or overly curious, it’s deeply rooted in our psychology.

At its core, FOMO is driven by a fear of missing out on rewarding experiences, and this fear can intensify when it comes to romantic relationships.

The psychology behind relationship FOMO often stems from an inherent desire to make the best possible choices in our love lives. We’re wired to seek connections that bring us joy, fulfillment, and a sense of belonging.

When we see others in seemingly happier or more exciting relationships, especially through the lens of social media, it can trigger a sense of inadequacy or the nagging feeling that we’re missing out on something better.

In the context of dating someone with FOMO, this can manifest in various ways. Your partner might constantly compare your relationship to others, always looking out for the ‘perfect’ partner or the ‘ideal’ relationship.

They may struggle with commitment, worrying that settling down means missing out on potential opportunities. [Read: Fear of commitment – 47 signs, whys and ways to get over your phobia]

This restlessness isn’t just about the grass being greener on the other side; it’s a genuine concern that they might be settling for less than they deserve or could potentially have.

Social media and digital connectivity throw fuel on this FOMO fire. Platforms like Instagram and Facebook are highlight reels where everyone seems to be living their best romantic life.

This skewed perception can exacerbate feelings of FOMO, making it seem like everyone else is in a fairy-tale romance. [Read: What is FOMO? How to read the signs and overcome the stress it causes]

It’s important to remember that these platforms often portray an idealized version of reality, which can distort our expectations and satisfaction in our own relationships.

The Effects of Relationship FOMO

Next, let’s explore why it’s crucial to understand the effects of relationship FOMO.

1. Decreased Personal Satisfaction

Individuals experiencing relationship FOMO often struggle with personal satisfaction.

They may constantly question their choices, leading to a perpetual state of discontent. This dissatisfaction extends beyond their romantic life, affecting their overall sense of happiness and fulfillment. [Read: 41 Rules of life to never be unhappy and be the one who screams “I love my life”]

2. Increased Anxiety

Dating someone with FOMO or experiencing it yourself can lead to heightened anxiety.

The constant worry about missing out on better opportunities can create a sense of unease and restlessness, making it challenging to find peace in the present moment.

3. Erosion of Trust

Relationship FOMO can erode trust between partners. When one person is always looking out for something better, it can make their partner feel undervalued and insecure, leading to a breakdown in trust and open communication.

4. Impaired Decision-Making

FOMO can cloud judgment, leading to impulsive decisions. [Read: Why am I so indecisive? 25 whys and ways to be an instant decision maker]

Individuals might rush into relationships or make hasty decisions about their current partnerships, not based on genuine feelings but driven by the fear of missing out.

5. Reduced Relationship Satisfaction

Those grappling with relationship FOMO often find themselves less satisfied with their current relationships.

They may undervalue what they have, focusing instead on hypothetical alternatives, which can diminish the joy and satisfaction derived from their existing relationship. [Read: Unhappy relationship – 25 traits of sad love and lies you tell yourself]

6. Social Media Dependency

The impact of social media on relationship FOMO is significant. Individuals may become overly reliant on these platforms for validation and comparison, which can distort their perception of what a healthy and fulfilling relationship should look like.

7. Strain on Emotional Health

Dealing with constant FOMO in a relationship context can take a toll on emotional health. It can lead to feelings of inadequacy, low self-esteem, and persistent dissatisfaction, which are detrimental to one’s mental well-being.

8. Communication Breakdowns

Effective communication is crucial in any relationship. [Read: 31 Communication exercises and games for couples and secrets to feel closer]

However, FOMO can lead to communication breakdowns, as one or both partners might not fully express their feelings or concerns, either because they’re distracted by what they might be missing or fearful of appearing discontent.

9. Compromised Intimacy

Emotional intimacy is often compromised in relationships affected by FOMO. The focus on what’s lacking or what could be better elsewhere makes it difficult to establish a deep, meaningful connection with the present partner.

10. Long-term Relationship Instability

In the long run, relationship FOMO can lead to a cycle of short-lived relationships. [Read: Casual relationship – 80 casual dating tips and rules to not get hurt or attached]

It is because this pattern stems from the ongoing quest for something better, leading to instability and difficulty in maintaining long-term, fulfilling relationships.

The Subtle Signs of Relationship FOMO

But how can you even tell if you’re dating someone with FOMO or *gasp* you have it yourself? Look out for these signs to get a clearer picture:

1. Jealousy Over Others’ Relationships

When jealousy extends beyond normal bounds and focuses on the relationships of others, it could be a sign of relationship FOMO. [Read: Jealousy vs. envy – 22 signs to tell them apart when they feel the same]

This isn’t just about feeling envious of someone’s vacation photos; it’s a deeper sense of longing for the type of relationships others have. It’s as if they believe everyone else has figured out the secret to a perfect relationship, and they’re left out.

This mindset can lead them to undervalue their own relationship, always looking outside rather than nurturing what they have. It creates a sense of discontent and a belief that their own relationship is somehow lacking.

2. High Engagement in Flirting

Notice if your partner flirts a lot with others, even while committed to you. This behavior could be stemming from a need to keep their options open, a classic symptom of relationship FOMO. [Read: Is flirting cheating in a relationship? 30 must-knows to decode your gray area]

They might justify it as harmless fun, but at its core, it’s about not fully committing to the current relationship because they’re afraid of missing out on potential romantic opportunities elsewhere.

3. Future Plans? What Future Plans?

Hesitation or avoidance when it comes to discussing future plans together often indicates relationship FOMO. Your partner might fear that committing to future plans could limit their options.

This can make it challenging to plan and build a life together, as they seem to avoid making long-term commitments or decisions. [Read: 11 Key moments in a relationship that predict your future together]

4. When Everything’s Good but They’re Still Not Happy

Even when you both have hit some great relationship milestones, they might still feel a bit meh. It’s not about what’s wrong with your relationship, it’s more about what imaginary scenario they think they’re missing out on.

You might find them often musing over “What if?” instead of enjoying the “What is.”

5. The Friends’ Influence Effect

You know that moment when your partner hears about a friend’s wild date night and suddenly your cozy Netflix evening doesn’t cut it? That’s relationship FOMO sneaking in. [Read: 46 Secrets to stop being jealous for no reason and learn to live envy-free]

Their mood and satisfaction with your relationship might swing like a pendulum based on the latest gossip from their friends. It’s as if the grass is always greener in their friend’s yard, making your own lawn look a bit dull in comparison.

So, when their friends’ love lives become the yardstick for yours, it’s a sign that FOMO is rearing its head.

6. The ‘Not Too Close’ Dance

It can be noticeable when your partner maintains a careful distance from deeper emotional connections. [Read: Emotionally distant partner – 24 signs, effects, and steps to feel closer again]

This behavior may stem from their concern that getting too emotionally involved could limit their future options. They often keep conversations superficial, avoiding the vulnerability that comes with deeper emotional intimacy.

7. The On-and-Off Tango

Consistently breaking up and getting back together can be a hallmark of relationship FOMO. Your partner might end things, fearing they’re missing out on other opportunities, only to return when they realize the alternative isn’t as appealing.

This pattern can create a sense of instability in the relationship, making it hard to build a foundation of trust and consistency. [Read: On and off relationship – what it is, 37 yo-yo signs, and why it’s so bad for you]

8. Daydreaming a Little Too Much

It’s cool to daydream – we all do it. But if your partner seems to be mentally auditioning for a lead role in a romantic drama more often than not, that’s a red flag.

They might be escaping to a fantasy land where every relationship is perfect, except, unfortunately, the real one they’re in. This kind of escapism can put a real dampener on the genuine moments you share.

9. The Assurance Seeker

If your partner frequently seeks reassurance about your relationship, it might indicate underlying FOMO. [Read: Clingy boyfriend – 16 signs he’s just too needy and how to help him change]

They may often question the strength of your relationship or your feelings for them, reflecting their own insecurities and uncertainty.

10. Flaw Finder Extraordinaire

When a partner focuses excessively on the flaws in your relationship, ignoring its strengths, it could be a sign of relationship FOMO.

They might fixate on minor issues as a way of justifying their feelings of restlessness or dissatisfaction. [Read: 5 Lessons to deal with judgmental people]

This focus on the negative aspects can overshadow the positive elements of your relationship and hinder its growth.

11. Appreciation Amnesia

When your partner regularly overlooks the positive aspects of your relationship, it can be a sign of relationship FOMO. They may focus more on what they think they’re missing rather than what they have, leading to feelings of dissatisfaction.

A lack of appreciation can affect the dynamics of your relationship, making it feel undervalued. [Read: Taking someone for granted – why we do it, bad effects, and 27 ways to stop it]

12. Chasing the Relationship Rainbow

A partner who is never quite satisfied, despite a seemingly fulfilling relationship, might be experiencing relationship FOMO.

They may always be looking for something more or better, even when your relationship is progressing well. This constant search for something else can overshadow the enjoyment and satisfaction of the present relationship.

13. The New Encounter Enthusiast

Excessive excitement over new acquaintances or potential romantic interests can be a symptom of relationship FOMO. [Read: 38 Signs your man is crushing on another woman and had feelings for her]

Your partner might show disproportionate interest in new people, reflecting their curiosity about other possibilities.

A behavior like this can make you feel as if you are constantly competing for their attention, undermining the stability of your relationship.

14. Skipping Relationship Maintenance

Neglecting the essential aspects of maintaining a relationship, such as quality time and effective communication, can indicate relationship FOMO.

Your partner might be so focused on potential alternatives that they fail to invest in the current relationship. Doing this can lead to a deterioration in the quality and depth of your connection. [Read: 23 Raw psychological effects of being ignored by someone you love]

15. The Discontent Dancer

Remaining unhappy in the relationship, even after positive changes, can be due to relationship FOMO. Your partner might continuously feel that something better is out there, leading to a persistent state of discontent.

This can make it difficult to achieve a sense of fulfillment and stability in the relationship, as their satisfaction seems always out of reach.

16. The Thrill-Seeker

A partner who constantly seeks excitement and new experiences might be dealing with relationship FOMO. [Read: Attention-seeker – 25 signs, behavior and psychology of drama-loving people]

They may perceive a stable relationship as lacking in excitement, leading them to seek stimulation elsewhere.

17. Settling Down or Missing Out?

When your partner views settling down as a potential loss of other opportunities, it can be a sign of relationship FOMO. They may struggle with the idea of commitment, seeing it as a barrier to exploring other possibilities.

This can create a challenge in moving the relationship forward, as they may be reluctant to fully commit. [Read: Is he afraid of commitment? 30 signs he’s scared of a real relationship]

18. The Relationship Analyst

Spending excessive time comparing your relationship to others can indicate relationship FOMO. Your partner might constantly evaluate other relationships, using them as benchmarks for your own.

19. Milestone Muted Celebrations

Lack of enthusiasm for celebrating relationship milestones can be a manifestation of relationship FOMO.

Your partner might view these milestones as limiting their options rather than as achievements. Reluctance to celebrate can affect the sense of progress and shared joy in the relationship. [Read: Deflection in a relationship – what it is, 52 signs, effects, and how to deal with it]

20. The Conflict-Avoiding Chameleon

If your partner tends to withdraw or become emotionally distant during conflicts, it might be a coping mechanism related to relationship FOMO.

They may see conflicts as a threat to the relationship’s stability, leading them to avoid addressing issues directly. Doing this can hinder effective communication and resolution of problems within the relationship.

How to Counter the Fear of Missing Out

When you feel like you’re missing out on what life has to offer, try these methods of battling the dreaded fear of missing out. [Read: 5 Powerful steps to step out of your comfort zone]

1. Plan Activities

One way to avoid FOMO in your relationship is by making plans. If you always have something to look forward to, the downtimes you have in between planned activities don’t seem so bad. In fact, sometimes, you end up looking forward to the downtime!

For example, make a plan to go see your favorite band playing, or to go see a play once a month. Having something to do, even if it’s just once a month, will definitely help you realize very quickly that you’re not missing out at all.

2. Don’t Push Your Friends to the Side

Just because you are in a relationship, doesn’t mean you can’t hang out with your friends. [Read: 27 Best sleepover ideas and fun things to do while staying up with friends!]

So many times, we tend to brush our friends to the side when in a relationship, which is wrong. I’m not saying you have to call or text every day, but if it’s a good friend, you should at least check in once a week or so.

If your friends don’t want to hang out with you because they don’t want to be the “third wheel” or if they never want to talk to you on the phone because they don’t care to hear about your relationship, then guess what?

They aren’t good friends in the first place. If they brush you to the side, that’s an issue they need to figure out on their own. But either way, don’t be the one doing the brushing. [Read: 40 Ways to have fun with friends. beat boredom and create new memories]

3. Stay Active

Along with making plans, it’s important to keep active. Being active and living a healthy lifestyle is important for your health and wellbeing.

We all know that exercise releases endorphins and endorphins make you happy. And when you’re happy, how could you possibly have FOMO?

Sure, your yoga sessions or marathon training schedules may clash with road trips or reunions with your friends, but in the end, you can always reschedule road trips, but you should never put a healthy lifestyle on hold. [Read: 25 tips to motivate you to work out]

4. Double Date 

Another great way to botch relationship FOMO is by surrounding yourself with other couples. Double dating is a great way to immerse yourself with people, go out to town, and have those experiences of going out and whatever else that you thought you had lost.

You may not be getting hit on left and right after midnight or getting blackout drunk, but you’ll probably realize that you don’t miss it. In fact, you’ll realize how lucky you are that you’ve found someone to spend those weekend nights with.

You’ll also remember just how exhausting the single party lifestyle was and be grateful you no longer have to go out to get all cozy with a stranger. [Read: Double date ideas to make nights out more fun]

5. Make Time for Yourself

It’s important to keep true to yourself and do things that make you happy on the inside. It’s never healthy to be around your partner 24/7, as this can cause you to get sick of each other easily.

Instead, find something to do that doesn’t involve your partner, such as heading out to the library, indulging in a hobby, or doing yoga.

Not only will you give each other space in a relationship, but you’ll also be able to do things that you enjoy. [Read: Alone time – why you need it, how it helps, and how to make the most of it]

6. Social Media vs. Reality

Social media has magnified the reality of just how much our society seeks approval and attention. But social media is not reality. We constantly seek approval, which we base upon however many likes, comments, and followers we get.

Social media allows all of us to brag about what we are doing *or what we want people to think we are doing*.

And that’s exactly why people always post the most interesting events that are happening in their lives. But do you seriously think that their lives are as fun-filled and colorful as they portray? [Read: 8 ways social media is killing your relationship]

The reason social media intensifies FOMO is because we always want to have what other people seem to have.

But in reality, these people also have boring days where there’s nothing interesting to post about. They’re probably hoping to do something more fun, just like you!

7. Make Mental Notes

A great way to shake your FOMO is by making mental notes of all the negative things your friends tell you about their dating life and being single. [Read: Tired of being single AF – 51 signs and the dating goals and habits you need]

The next time you hang out with your friends, or lend your ear to let them vent about being single and dating, make sure you really listen.

8. Listen to Everything They Say

You’ll probably start to take notice that the good things in your life and relationship far outweigh the bad, and secretly be thankful you’re not going through the dreaded motions of first dates, online dating flirtations, and messy breakups with flings.

It’s amazing what you can learn when you truly allow yourself to listen. [Read: 19 Ways to be a much better r listener in a relationship and read their mind]

The thing about FOMO is that it’s all about perspective. You always want what you think other people have, but you don’t always consider the downsides to what they’re going through.

From time to time, yes, it’s okay to wonder about what it’s like to be single, to travel with friends, to meet a hot stranger, and whatever else FOMO-sufferers think about.

But take it from us when we say that it’s all about the hype. You’re not really missing out if you’re in a healthy relationship with someone who loves and adores you. [Read: 38 Signs and traits of a happy, healthy relationship and what it should look like]

9. Embrace the Present Moment in Your Relationship

Ever thought about how being fully present can combat relationship FOMO? When you immerse yourself in the now, appreciating every moment you spend with your partner, it leaves little room for worrying about what else might be out there.

Practice mindfulness in your relationship by focusing on the current experience, whether it’s a simple conversation or a special date night.

By centering your attention on the present, you deepen your connection and find joy in the little things that make your relationship unique. [Read: 32 Secrets to be present and live in the moment when life is speeding past you]

This shift in focus can significantly reduce the allure of the unknown and help you cherish the special bond you have.

10. Set Realistic Expectations for Your Relationship

How about we talk about the role of expectations in relationship FOMO? Sometimes, the fear of missing out stems from unrealistic ideas of what a relationship should be like, often influenced by social media or external opinions.

Sit down with your partner and discuss what is genuinely important to both of you in the relationship. [Read: 20 Healthy expectations in a relationship that define a good love life]

Establishing realistic and mutual expectations helps in creating a more authentic connection, free from the pressures of idealized perceptions. It’s about finding satisfaction in the realness of your relationship, not in an unattainable fantasy.

11. Build a Supportive Social Circle

Ever considered the impact of your social circle on relationship FOMO? Surrounding yourself with friends who support and respect your relationship can make a huge difference.

These friends should be ones who encourage the health and growth of your partnership, rather than those who might inadvertently fuel your FOMO. [Read: 33 Easy ways to meet new people and widen your social circle effortlessly]

Engaging in group activities with such friends can reinforce the strength and positivity of your relationship. A supportive social network can provide a balanced perspective, reminding you of the value of what you have in your current relationship.

Things to Do if You’re Dating Someone with FOMO

If you feel like you’re dating someone with FOMO, then you know it’s not a good feeling. No one wants to think that their partner thinks that they are missing out on more fun just because they are with you.

So, if you find yourself in this situation, here are some things you can do. [Read: 40 Bad signs you’re about to get dumped and what you mut do ASAP]

1. First of All, Chill

I know it’s not easy to date someone with FOMO, but there’s no need to freak out. There are two options: you stay together or break up.

There’s nothing more to it. But before you make a decision, look at the relationship with a level head. If not, your emotions will get in the way, and that’s when you make mistakes. [Read: The signs you should break up and throw in the towel]

2. Don’t Blame Them

It’s easy to point the finger at them and blame them for the troubles in the relationship. But that isn’t going to get you anywhere.

There’s no need to blame your partner for their FOMO. Relationships and life are hard enough, and people are navigating through life, which means they’ll make mistakes along the way.

3. Talk to Them About How You Feel

If you really want an answer, communicate with your partner. If you feel that maybe they’re not ready for a relationship, tell them. [Read: 12 obvious signs your partner’s got big commitment issues]

You’ll hear how they feel and see what the next step is. Maybe they do want a relationship but need time adjusting to being in a relationship. Not everyone has years of experience behind them.

4. No Ultimatums

I know you think it may be a great idea to say, “It’s either your friends or me!” It’s not going to end well for you. Seriously.

Ultimatums never work because you’re forcing someone to choose between you and something else they enjoy. [Read: Ultimatums in a relationship and why it’s the worst thing you can do]

They should come to the answer themselves of what they want, not because you forced them.

5. See What Their Needs Are

Listen, if your partner is going to a pub with their friends three times a week, obviously that isn’t going to go well for your relationship. But your partner has needs, and seeing their friends is probably one of them. But, of course, relationships are all about compromise.

Do they need to get drunk at the pub three times a week to see their friends? No. But maybe they can come over, or go to the movies, or play pool.

That way, their needs are being met, and you’re also feeling respected in the relationship. [Read: The 7 non-negotiables in a relationship you shouldn’t compromise on]

6. Is This the Right Partner for You?

Maybe you just don’t share the same values or lifestyle. While you enjoy staying at home and watching movies, they like going to raves every week and sleeping in late.

This doesn’t mean you can’t be together, but if you have opposite lifestyles and values, this will become a thorn in your relationship.

7. Give the Relationship Some Time to Grow

If you just met each other last week, well, you need to give the relationship some time to grow. Not everyone goes into a relationship thinking, “yes, this is my soulmate; I’ve found the one.” [Read: Real soulmates – what it is, how it works, 59 secrets, and signs to find yours]

On the other hand, if your relationship has been going on for months and months, if they haven’t gotten over the FOMO, it’s clear they’re not ready for a relationship.

8. Does Your Partner Know What You Want?

This is often the problem with couples. One person thinks the relationship is serious, and the other one isn’t so attached.

Does your partner know what you want in a relationship? Have you told them? Be on the same page; if they don’t know what you want, this can go on forever. [Read: How to be vulnerable in a relationship, open up, and 28 secrets to grow closer]

9. Are You Both Happy in the Relationship?

When you’re with your partner, how do you feel the majority of the time? Are you feeling anxious? Stressed out? Or are you relatively calm and happy together?

If the relationship is making you miserable, then this may not be the relationship for either of you. At least at this point in your lives.

10. Think About What You Want?

If you’re dating someone with FOMO, and they’re not ready for a relationship, take a step back and look at what you want. Are you even ready for a relationship? [Read: How to have a casual relationship without getting hurt or betrayed]

Or are you looking for something casual as well, and just don’t realize it yet. Dating someone with FOMO is a strong sign you need to self-reflect and see what your needs are.

11. Make a Decision

At the end of the day, when you’re dating someone with FOMO, the ball is in your court. You’re the one who must decide what they want from the relationship because they’re not going to make a decision for you.

Your partner is clearly dealing with an internal conflict, just like you. What do you want? Who do you want to be with? Figure it out and make a move for yourself. [Read: The 7 biggest clues that point to emotional immaturity]

12. Encourage Their Individual Interests and Hobbies

Have you thought about the importance of encouraging your partner to pursue their own interests? When dating someone with FOMO, it’s beneficial to support their individual hobbies and passions.

This not only gives them a sense of independence and fulfillment but also helps alleviate their fear of missing out by ensuring they have their own unique experiences.

Encouraging personal growth outside the relationship can lead to a more balanced and satisfied individual, which in turn can positively impact the relationship. [Read: 28 Self-improvement secrets to improve yourself and transform into your best self]

It’s about showing them that being in a relationship doesn’t mean giving up on personal pursuits and pleasures.

13. Foster Openness and Reassurance in the Relationship

Wondering how openness plays a role when your partner has FOMO? It’s crucial to create an environment where both of you feel comfortable sharing your thoughts and insecurities.

Regularly reassure your partner of your commitment and feelings for them. This reassurance can help mitigate their fears and insecurities related to FOMO. [Read: 34 Secrets to get a man to open up. communicate, and understand you better]

Remember, a relationship thrives on mutual trust and understanding, so fostering an atmosphere where both partners feel secure and valued is key.

14. Explore New Experiences Together

Why not consider trying new activities together? When you’re dating someone with relationship FOMO, introducing new and exciting experiences into your relationship can be incredibly beneficial.

It provides a sense of adventure and novelty, which can satisfy their craving for variety and newness. [Read: 33 Best hobbies for couples to have fun, bond, and feel closer than ever!]

Whether it’s traveling to a new destination, trying a new hobby, or simply exploring a different cuisine, these shared experiences can strengthen your bond and create lasting memories.

It’s a way of showing that growth and excitement are possible within the confines of a committed relationship.

15. Reflect on Your Own Boundaries and Limits

Have you taken the time to consider your own boundaries in the relationship? It’s important to understand your own limits when dealing with a partner who has FOMO. [Read: 23 Secrets to set personal boundaries and guide others to respect them]

Reflect on what you are comfortable with and where you draw the line. It’s essential to communicate these boundaries to your partner clearly and respectfully.

Understanding and respecting each other’s limits is crucial for maintaining a healthy and balanced relationship.

The Grass Isn’t Always Greener on the Other Side

Remember, relationship FOMO isn’t confined to just one type of relationship status. It affects all of us, whether we’re single, in a relationship, or somewhere in between. [Read: Monkey branching – what it is and 33 signs you’re being monkey branched for someone else]

The best way to combat it is by focusing on the present and appreciating what you have. Cultivate gratitude, engage in meaningful conversations, and invest in making your relationship fulfilling and happy.

It’s about looking at the bright side of what you have and cherishing the unique journey you’re on with your partner.

[Read: Relationship closeness inventory – 20 signs to test a couple’s intimacy]

By adopting a positive mindset and proactive strategies, you can turn the challenges posed by relationship FOMO into opportunities for growth and deeper connection. Remember, the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. Sometimes, it’s greenest where you water it.

The post Relationship FOMO: 56 Truths, Signs & Effects of Dating Someone with FOMO is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.