When a Girl Says She Feels "No Chemistry" (+ How to Fix)

If a girl feels there’s no chemistry with you, if she says there’s no spark, is it fate? Not at all; it’s SKILL, because “spark creation” can be learned.

Contents

1. Why Chemistry Is Lacking

Free Use Relationship: What It Is, How to Tell if It’s For You & 43 Tips To Do It Right

If a free-use relationship is your kind of spicy, buckle up! Here are the do’s, don’ts, and emotional rollercoasters of everything you need to know.

If you’ve been intrigued by the buzz surrounding free use relationships, you’re not alone. This unique arrangement isn’t just about sexual chemistry; it’s an exploration of trust, boundaries, and open communication.

So, if you’ve been curious to learn how this all works, we’ve got you covered—from setting ground rules to the do’s and don’ts that will make even seasoned relationship pros nod in approval.

[Read: Couples kink list – 52 freaky and weird sexual fetishes many people indulge in]

What is a Free Use Relationship, Anyway?

Hold the phone—1.5 million members on the r/freeuse Reddit community? Yup, you read that right. Free-use relationships have piqued the curiosity of many, but what exactly are we talking about when we say “free use?”

In a free-use relationship, one partner grants the other the freedom to engage in sexual activities without the need for explicit, moment-to-moment consent. Think of it as a sexual all-access pass, but—and this is a big “but”—it’s built on a foundation of mutual agreement and boundaries. [Read: 36 sizzling sex life secrets to spice up your bedroom and leave you horny 24/7]

In your average relationship, sexual encounters often start with a ritual—you know, the do-you-wanna-have-sex guessing game, followed by subtle—or not-so-subtle—flirting, and then maybe some foreplay. It’s like assembling a piece of IKEA furniture: there are steps to follow and parts to align. But in a free-use relationship, that assembly manual gets tossed out the window.

How Does a Free-Use Relationship Even Work?

Here’s how it works: If one partner is in the mood, there’s no need for the charade. They can simply express their desire to the other partner. “Horny? Let’s not make a big production out of it,” is the prevailing sentiment.

And it’s not just about the freedom to initiate sex; it’s about the freedom to do so regardless of what the other person is doing. Doing the dishes, watching a movie, or even working from home? In a free-use relationship, the agreement often stipulates that one partner consents to be sexually available at all times, no matter what they’re up to. This eliminates the need for lengthy negotiations or setting the mood; it’s all systems go, as long as the boundaries and rules previously set are respected.

[Read: How to initiate sex and 25 seductive ways to take the lead in bed]

Of course, this doesn’t mean that the “free-to-use” partner becomes an object devoid of will. That’s where the concept of ongoing consent comes into play. It’s a standing agreement but can be paused or stopped at any time, by either party. No questions asked, no hard feelings—well, unless those were part of the agreed-upon terms!

Ground Rules and Boundaries of Free-Use Relationships

Before you venture into the tantalizing world of free-use relationships, it’s vital to lay down some ground rules. We’re not talking about unwritten rules that everyone secretly knows but no one speaks about. Nope, we’re talking about explicit agreements that are as clear as a summer sky.

Here’s a list to get you started:

1. Be S.M.A.R.T.

Be Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound in your agreements. If there are times of the day, week, or month that you don’t want to be free to use, lay that out clearly and as early as possible. It ensures that you’re not just making a vague commitment but defining the exact boundaries, making them easier to follow and respect.

[Read: 23 secrets to set personal boundaries and guide others to respect them]

2. Negotiation process

Borrowing a leaf from BDSM practices, sit down and negotiate the terms. Discuss soft limits, hard limits, and safewords. This is your chance to get into the details, so no topic should be off the table.

3. Ongoing consent

Consent isn’t a one-time ticket. It’s ongoing, and either party should have the freedom to withdraw at any moment. Make this clear from the start, and revisit it regularly to ensure everyone is still comfortable. [Read: BDSM – What it is, 54 sexy tips and tricks, and BDSM ideas to try for the first time]

4. No surprises

While the essence of a free-use relationship is availability, that doesn’t mean surprising your partner with new or unspoken expectations. Discuss situations where initiating is acceptable and where it’s not—like that awkward family dinner at your aunt’s place, for example.

5. Safe words or signals

Sometimes words escape us, so agree on a safeword or even a non-verbal signal that means ‘stop immediately.’ This adds an extra layer of security to your free-use relationship, ensuring that you’re both happy and safe.

6. Time and place

Decide on specific settings where this agreement is valid. Maybe it’s within the four walls of your home or during certain hours of the day. Being explicit about the when and where keeps misunderstandings at bay.

7. Periodic review

Set times in your weekly or monthly schedule to revisit these rules, because hey, we change, and so do our preferences. Make it a point to assess whether the free-use relationship is still meeting both partners’ needs and adjust accordingly. [Read: 36 signs of disrespect in a relationship that reveal a lack of love and respect]

8. Health and wellness

Let’s face it; no one is in the mood when they’re down with the flu. Make it a rule that the free-use relationship takes a backseat when someone is unwell. Trust us, it’s better for both parties in the long run.

9. Respect over desire

The urge might be there, but respect comes first. That means honoring your partner’s wishes even if they go against your desires at the moment. Remember, a free-use relationship is a two-player game; it doesn’t work if one person keeps hogging the joystick.

10. No third-party involvement without consent

Some people enjoy adding an audience or additional participants to their sexual escapades. That’s cool, but it needs to be explicitly discussed and agreed upon. This is not a plot twist you want to spring on someone unannounced. [Read: 21 must-know ways to ask someone for a threesome and join you in bed]

11. No recording or photos without agreement

While capturing the moment might sound enticing, it’s not something to do on a whim in a free-use relationship. Both parties should agree on what is and isn’t okay to record or photograph, and how those recordings will be stored or shared.

12. Mental and emotional check-ins

Just because the physical aspect is front and center doesn’t mean you should neglect the emotional. Periodic mental and emotional check-ins can go a long way in maintaining a healthy and enjoyable free-use relationship.

13. Communication channels

Decide how you’ll communicate, especially in complicated scenarios. Is it a text? A specific look? This may sound trivial, but clear communication is the bedrock of any successful free-use relationship. [Read: 42 secrets to communicate better in a relationship and ways to fix a lack of it]

14. Introduce gradual changes

Spontaneity may be the spice of life, but in a free-use relationship, it’s better to gradually introduce any changes to the agreed-upon rules. Both partners should be comfortable with any new elements.

15. Safe zones

Establish areas or situations that are off-limits for sexual activity. Maybe it’s the car or a public setting. Being explicit about your no-go zones will help avoid uncomfortable situations.

Do’s and Don’ts: The Unspoken Etiquette of Free Use Relationship

So you’ve hashed out the ground rules and you’re ready to take the plunge. But hey, don’t leave your good behavior at the door. Here are some do’s and don’ts to guide your journey into this intriguing relationship style.

1. Do: Be mindful of non-verbal cues

Paying attention to your partner’s body language can offer clues about their comfort level. In a free-use relationship, this is especially important because the framework may not always allow for explicit verbal communication. [Read: 37 secrets to read people by their body language and expressions instantly]

2. Do: Debrief after encounters

Take a few moments post-engagement to discuss what worked and what didn’t. This quick chat serves as a temperature check, ensuring both parties feel respected and fulfilled.

3. Do: Keep an emergency ‘break glass’ plan

While you’ve discussed ongoing consent, always have a contingency plan for when something goes unexpectedly awry. Whether it’s someone changing their mind last minute or someone’s feelings getting hurt by what happens during intimacy, have a plan in mind for how you’re going to repair the damage and emerge with your relationship as strong as ever. It adds an extra layer of security and trust in the relationship.

[Read: 28 heartfelt ways to say you’re sorry and apologize to someone you love]

4. Do: Update on external factors

If either of you is on medication or has an external factor that may affect your sexual relationship, make it known. Transparency is vital, especially when hormones and libidos are in play.

5. Don’t: Assume

If there’s any doubt, ask. Whether it’s a new move or a variation in routine, never assume your partner is comfortable with it without confirmation.

6. Don’t: Neglect aftercare

In a free-use relationship, it can be easy to overlook the importance of aftercare—the emotional and sometimes physical care given after intense sexual encounters. Don’t skimp on this; it’s more essential than you might think. [Read: 26 sexy secrets to be dominant in bed, control your partner, and not hurt them]

7. Don’t: Use it as a cop-out for other responsibilities

Being in this type of relationship doesn’t excuse you from other commitments or emotional availability. Sure, the physical aspect is more straightforward, but that doesn’t mean you can ghost on the emotional side of things. If you think ghosting is a no-go in traditional relationships, it’s a hard stop here too.

8. Don’t: Forget about safe sex

Just because it’s a free-use relationship doesn’t mean you’re free from practicing safe sex. Always make sure to prioritize safety and health for both parties. [Read: 29 safe sex secrets and nasty dangers of unprotected sex most don’t know]

Positive and Negative Impact of Free Use Relationship

While a free-use relationship can be incredibly exciting and liberating, it’s crucial to be mindful of its longer-term impact. After all, what’s the point if it leaves you emotionally drained or psychologically troubled?

1. Enhanced communication skills

The nature of a free-use relationship necessitates a level of open and honest communication that can improve how you interact not just with your partner but also with others.

2. Deepened trust and intimacy

The requirements for ongoing consent and boundary discussions often result in a closer emotional connection, enriching the relationship in multiple dimensions. [Read: How to build trust in a relationship and learn to be loyal and loving]

3. Exploration and self-discovery

The space a free-use relationship provides for sexual and emotional exploration can be a gateway for personal growth and understanding one’s boundaries. Seriously, there is so much that you can learn about yourself when you take conventional ideas of consent and sexual boundaries and flip them on their head!

4. Empowerment

For some, the freedom and ongoing consent in this type of relationship can be empowering, making them feel more in control of their own sexuality. [Read: Sex-positive feminism – what it is and why we must embrace the movement]

5. Enhanced sexual satisfaction

The very nature of a free-use relationship often means more sexual activity, so if you’re in a bit of a dry spell within your relationship, making your relationship a bit more free-use might be just the spark you need to reignite those passions.

6. Reduced sexual inhibition

The agreement between partners often allows for a safe space where both can explore their desires without the cloud of societal judgment.

7. Building resilience

The structure of a free-use relationship can teach partners how to navigate conflict and discomfort, building emotional resilience over time. [Read: Relationship arguments – 38 tips and ways to fight fair and grow closer in love]

8. Lessens the guessing game

Free use relationships eliminate many of the rituals and dances usually associated with initiating sexual activity. Say goodbye to decoding cryptic texts or ambiguous body language; here, consent and intentions are clearly established, cutting through the maze of “Do they want to or not?”

9. Stress reduction

For some people, sexual activity is a proven stress reducer. In a free-use relationship, the more frequent opportunities for sexual activity can serve as an effective way to manage stress.

10. Shared experiences and bonding

Embarking on this unique relationship journey can result in shared experiences that further strengthen the emotional bond between partners.

11. Risk of sub drop

The emotional lows that can follow the highs of D/s activities can be severe if not handled carefully, leading to depressive feelings or irritability. [Read: Domestic discipline – how it works and 29 BDSM rules and tips for beginners]

12. Potential for ‘topspace’ hazards

The euphoric state of dominants can cloud their judgment, affecting their decision-making skills and potentially putting the submissive partner at risk.

13. Emotional drain or burnout

The constant upkeep of boundaries and ongoing consent can lead to emotional fatigue or even relationship burnout.

14. Boundary violations

The constant negotiation and ongoing consent in a free-use relationship could lead to accidental boundary crossings, causing emotional harm. It’s easy to get carried away in the heat of the moment, mistaking a previously agreed-upon limit as something more fluid.

When this happens, not only is the immediate experience tainted, but it can also cast a shadow on the trust and intimacy that you’ve built up with your partner.

15. Jealousy and insecurity

The level of sexual freedom in a free-use relationship could trigger feelings of jealousy or insecurity, harming the relationship’s foundation. While one partner might be totally on board with the concept, seeing or knowing that their partner is engaging in sexual activities without the usual romantic prelude could stir up uncomfortable emotions.

Over time, these feelings could escalate and cause a rift between partners, requiring extra emotional work to mend. [Read: Jealousy in a relationship – how to accept, deal, and overcome it in love]

16. Guilt or shame

Cultural or societal judgments about the nature of a free-use relationship can lead to feelings of guilt or shame. You might find yourself battling internalized stigmas or worrying about how others would perceive your relationship if they found out.

These feelings can cast a dark cloud over what might otherwise be a fulfilling dynamic, hampering the freedom and openness that the relationship is built upon.

17. Risk of co-dependency

The intense emotional and sexual interaction in a free-use relationship could risk creating an unhealthy dependency between partners. Because the dynamic often eliminates the “guessing game” and foreplay, it might become a default coping mechanism for stress, emotional discomfort, or even boredom.

This over-reliance on sexual interaction for emotional equilibrium can gradually morph into co-dependency, jeopardizing the overall health of the relationship. [Read: Enmeshed relationship – 66 enmeshment signs in couples and ways to heal in love]

18. Social stigma

As mentioned earlier, the unconventional nature of a free-use relationship can make it a magnet for social judgment or stigma. The last thing you need is side-eye from your neighbors or hushed conversations at social gatherings.

While what happens between two consenting adults is nobody’s business but their own, the weight of societal disapproval can still affect your emotional well-being and how you view your relationship.

19. Potential for abuse

The dynamic of a free-use relationship could be manipulated into a form of emotional or sexual abuse if not carefully monitored. Because the boundaries in this relationship style are different from more conventional relationships, it may create gray areas where consent becomes murky.

When not vigilantly guarded, this could open the door for manipulative behaviors or power imbalances, making it crucial to continuously communicate and reassess boundaries. [Read: 42 signs and ways to see manipulative behavior and stop being used by people]

20. Financial strain

Investing in accessories or environments that cater to a free-use relationship can become financially taxing over time. For instance, some couples might splurge on high-end sex toys, BDSM furniture, or even book adult-only resorts to create the perfect setting for their kink.

While these purchases can certainly enhance the experience, they can also quickly add up, causing financial strain that could spill over into other areas of the relationship.

Have an Open Conversation With Your Partner

If you find that the idea of a free-use relationship resonates with you, don’t shy away from that curiosity. Instead, take it as an invitation to have an open conversation with your partner. Discuss your boundaries, establish ground rules, and be crystal clear about consent. Remember, any relationship, but especially one as nuanced as a free-use relationship, is a two-way street built on ongoing communication and mutual respect.

[Read: 90 sexy and dirty would you rather questions to make anyone horny AF]

And hey, if this is your fetish, go ahead and explore it! The only way you’ll ever know if a free-use relationship is right for you is by taking that plunge—consensually, of course.

The post Free Use Relationship: What It Is, How to Tell if It’s For You & 43 Tips To Do It Right is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

27 Secrets & 20-Point Checklist on How Not to Be Awkward for the Quirky Ones

Not everyone can walk into a room and be as poised and confident as they come. Some of us are just plain awkward. Here’s how not to be awkward.

Have you ever walked into a room and suddenly felt like every eye was on you? In that moment, you forget how to walk normally, and when you open your mouth, out pops the most absurd thing. It’s like your brain and body conspired to make sure you stood out for all the wrong reasons. Welcome to the world of feeling awkward, a place we’ve all visited at some point.

If you’re looking for ways on how not to be awkward, you’re definitely not alone. After all, being a bit awkward is part of being human, but it doesn’t have to define your social experiences. [Read: 34 secrets to be more social & connect with people if you have no social life]

The Science of Social Awkwardness

Before we dive into the nitty-gritty of how not to be awkward or the various strategies on how to stop being awkward, it’s crucial to understand what exactly makes us feel this way.

The science behind social awkwardness is as fascinating as it is complex, involving a blend of psychological, neurological, and sociological elements.

Starting from a psychological perspective, a significant factor contributing to feelings of awkwardness is social anxiety. This anxiety stems from the fear of being negatively judged or scrutinized in social situations.

It’s not just about feeling shy or nervous, it’s a more profound sense of apprehension that can make interactions seem daunting. This anxiety is closely tied to our sense of self-awareness. [Read: Signs of anxiety: How to read the signs ASAP & handle them better]

Sometimes, being too self-aware, or hyper-aware, can make us overly conscious of our actions and words, leading to that all-too-familiar awkward feeling.

On the neurological front, our brain plays a pivotal role in how we process social interactions. Brain chemistry and social cognition – how we perceive, interpret, and respond to social cues – are key factors.

Studies have shown that certain areas of the brain are more active in individuals who experience higher levels of social anxiety and awkwardness. This heightened activity can influence how we engage in social scenarios, sometimes causing us to misread cues or overthink our responses.

Then there’s the sociological aspect. Our environment and the cultural context we grow up in greatly influence our social interactions and norms. What’s considered normal in one culture might be perceived as awkward in another.

These varying norms can make navigating social landscapes tricky, especially in our increasingly globalized world. Societal expectations, too, play a role. When we feel pressure to act or communicate in a certain way, the fear of not living up to these standards can amplify feelings of awkwardness.

Awkwardness Checklist

If you’re not too sure whether you’re a socially awkward person, or if you often find yourself wondering how not to be awkward in social situations, recognizing some common signs can be a big help.

It’s all about understanding what happens inside you and how it might appear to others. Let’s look at these indicators – think of them as little flags that signal, “Hey, this might be awkwardness.”

1. Do You Find Small Talk Uncomfortably Challenging?

Small talk is a casual form of conversation, but for some, it feels like a steep mountain to climb. If initiating or maintaining these light exchanges often leaves you flustered or at a loss for words, it might be a sign of social awkwardness.

It’s not only about being shy, it’s about feeling overwhelmed by what many consider a basic interaction. [Read: How to make small talk & talk to anyone without feeling awkward]

2. Are You Often Unsure About When to Enter or Exit a Conversation?

Timing in conversations is crucial. If you regularly struggle with when to chime in or how to gracefully exit a chat without seeming abrupt or rude, this could be a sign of awkwardness. It’s like having a sense of being either a step behind or ahead in the rhythm of the conversation.

3. Do You Frequently Misinterpret Social Cues?

Misreading body language, tone of voice, or facial expressions can lead to misunderstandings. If you often find yourself puzzled by others’ reactions or missing cues on when someone is joking or serious, it could point to social awkwardness. It’s like trying to understand a language where you only know half the words.

4. Are You Overly Concerned About Others’ Opinions of You?

If the thought of how others perceive you dominates your mind during interactions, leading to anxiety and self-doubt, this may be a sign of social awkwardness. It’s a kind of self-consciousness that goes beyond the usual desire to make a good impression. [Read: 41 signs & steps to stop caring what people think & start living your life]

5. Do You Overanalyze Your Social Interactions Afterwards?

Do you find yourself replaying conversations in your mind, thinking, “I shouldn’t have said that!” or “What if I came across as too…?” It’s common for those who feel socially awkward to spend hours overanalyzing their words and actions long after a social event has ended.

If you often get stuck in a cycle of scrutinizing your past interactions, dissecting every detail, and questioning your choices, it could be a sign of social awkwardness.

6. Are You Overwhelmed by Large Groups or Crowded Events?

Feeling uncomfortable or anxious in large social gatherings, to the point where you avoid them, can be a sign of social awkwardness. It’s not just preference for solitude but an intense unease that crowds or big groups can provoke. [Read: Social anxiety vs shyness: 37 signs, differences & ways to overcome them]

7. Do You Struggle with Maintaining Eye Contact?

Eye contact is a key component of effective communication. If you find maintaining eye contact difficult, constantly looking away or down, it might signal social awkwardness.

8. Are You Frequently Misunderstood in Social Settings?

If you often find that people misinterpret your words or intentions, leading to awkward situations, this could be an indicator. It’s not just occasional miscommunication; it’s a recurring pattern where your attempts at humor, sarcasm, or even sincerity land incorrectly.

9. Do You Rely Heavily on Scripts or Pre-Planned Responses?

Relying on memorized scripts or rehearsed responses during interactions can be a sign of social awkwardness. It’s an attempt to control the unpredictable nature of conversation, but it often leads to stilted or out-of-context responses.

10. Are You Uncomfortable with Physical Gestures Like Handshakes or Hugs?

Are you uncomfortable with physical gestures like handshakes or hugs? Perhaps you’re familiar with that awkward, weird partial hug or the hesitant handshake that ends up feeling clumsy. This kind of hesitation or discomfort with common physical gestures in social interactions is often a sign of social awkwardness.

If you often find yourself in a tangle of arms during a hug or unsure of how firmly to shake someone’s hand, it could point to your struggle with these everyday interactions.

How to Stop Your Awkward Habits

While being awkward can be charming in certain situations, there are other situations where being awkward can make things so much harder for you – like when you want to pick up that hot person at the bar.

Lucky for us, being awkward isn’t something that we’ll have to live with forever. Most people outgrow their awkward stage by the age of 15, others keep that awkwardness well into their mid-twenties – or longer! If you want to ditch the awkward behavior and start being confident and assertive, here’s how to do it. [Read: Loosen up! Your complete guide to overcome social awkwardness]

1. Admit That You’re Socially Awkward

Don’t pretend and act like you’re not socially awkward. No, you sweating excessively every time you walk into a room is not a natural occurrence. It’s just time for you to admit this to yourself. But lucky for you, you can actually change it.

1. Be Sure of Yourself

A lot of a person’s awkwardness stems from being uncertain and shy. So in order to not be awkward, be more sure of your actions and be sure of the things you say. Don’t blindly comment on a topic that you’re uncertain of because if you’re wrong, it’ll be awkward.

2. Don’t Interject in Conversations Immediately

If you overhear a conversation and think you may have something to contribute, don’t just jump in and comment on it. You’ll not only interrupt the person talking, but you’ll also very distinctly announce your presence and that could be quite awkward.

Instead, slowly walk up to the group of people and wait patiently while the other person talks. If you still feel that your comment is relevant, wait for a pause and then say it.

3. Show Up to Events Early

There’s nothing that makes a person look more awkward than showing up to an event very loudly and after everyone is already there. The attention will immediately be placed on you walking through the door and create one big awkward moment – not to mention what would happen if you tripped!

Show up either on time or 10 minutes early to an event to ensure that you won’t be starting off the evening on an awkward note. [Read: The art of making small talk without feeling awkward all the time]

4. Keep Your Phone on You at All Times

A cell phone to an awkward person is a lifesaver. Not only will you be able to have an escape if you’re stuck standing there alone, but you’ll also be able to use your phone for new topics of conversation as well. It’s like a buffer tool between you and your awkwardness.

5. Figure Out What Environments Make You Socially Awkward

What environments trigger your social anxiety? Large groups of people? Small, intimate gatherings? You need to know the triggers so that you’ll know what you need to work on. So, the next time you’re out at a party or event, you can be self-aware of your body and mental state.

6. No One Actually Remembers

Okay, I know this sounds lame, but you have to understand that no one actually cares about what you have to say. Like, no one remembers that time you made some comment about Britney Spears’ music.

Unless you’re Obama, most people take information in one ear and out the other. [Read: How to make small talk without feeling awkward]

7. Don’t Aim for Success

Don’t try to aim for success. Instead, look at this as a learning experience for how to stop being socially awkward.

This isn’t going to be a one-time thing that you do once and then you’re socially in tune for the rest of your life. This is going to take a long time for you to develop.

8. Get Out of the Negative Loop

Being socially awkward is all a mental thing. You think you’ll screw up, say something stupid, and people will hate you – I know the whole thing.

But you’re going to have to get yourself out of that negative loop because it’s not working for you. Sometimes faking it until you make isn’t the worst thing you can do.

9. Write it Down

You can’t keep your feelings bottled up inside of you… you need an outlet. So, write your feelings down in a journal.

Before going out you can write down how you feel, and when you return home, write down how it went, what happened, etc. It’s a great way to later reflect on your progress. [Read: Socially awkward? Little hacks to loosen up and live life]

10. Practice

Yes, yes, yes. I know you have traumatic memories of your parents lecturing you about practicing your flute, but seriously, they were right.

You have to practice. So, ask your friends to bring you to parties or events. The only way you can practice is to actually go out.

11. Remind Yourself of Social Norms

If you’re freaking out about not meeting the social norms, well, how about you remind yourself of them. I mean, what is the right way to act at a party?

Of course, there are some basic rules like not to pee on the rug, so, if it’ll help reduce your anxiety, figure out what these rules are. If you feel that you broke them, just apologize… no one is going to kill you. [Read: How not to be awkward – A guide for the shy and quirky ones]

12. mLeave Your House

How can you practice socializing if you don’t leave your house? No, playing video games online doesn’t count. So, you need to make a vow to yourself that’ll you’ll go out to a function at least once a week. I don’t care where you go as long as you have to socialize.

13. It’s Not a Big Deal if You Mess Up

The thing about being socially awkward is that you’re worried about screwing everything up, and that’s why you’re awkward.

But listen, you’re not going to lose your job, your house, or your best friend. If anything, people will question what you just said and continue on with the conversation. You will live!

14. Don’t Tell Jokes to New People

While it may seem easy to break the ice with a good joke, you’ll more than likely only make things more awkward.

When you meet a new group of people, you never want to tell them a joke because you don’t know their personalities. You could end up offending someone or standing there laughing alone. [Read: How to be funny and make people love your company]

15. Stop Babbling and Ask Questions Instead

Over-talking is a common mistake that most awkward people make. Instead of talking someone’s ear off, ask them questions about the topic they’re talking about and listen to them talk instead.

16. Be Friendly!

People will forget all about your awkwardness if you’re friendly. Not only will it help people like you and ignore that part of you, but being mean can also induce a ton of awkward moments between you and other people. So always be pleasant! [Read: Little things you say and do that’ll make everyone love you instantly]

17. Forget About Your Awkwardness

Nothing is going to make you feel or act more awkward than you thinking that you’re being awkward. Funny how that works, isn’t it? So forget about the fact that you’re awkward and go be yourself.

18. Think About Positive Aspects of Yourself

Dwelling on the negative awkward tendencies you have will only make matters worse. Instead, think about all the great qualities you have to offer people. You’re smart, funny, and kind – all of which stand out more than your awkwardness.

19. Let the Awkward Silences be Silent

Don’t be that person who breaks the awkward silence – especially by pointing out that it is, in fact, awkward. Just keep your silence instead and wait for someone else to bring up a new topic of discussion. You’ll take any awkward attention off of you and the transition will be made much easier.

20. Stick With a Non-awkward Friend All the Time

Do you have a friend that is confident and seems to never have an awkward moment? Then stick with them as much as you can. Not only will they make you seem less awkward, but they’ll dissipate any awkward moments you have with their charm.

21. Don’t Worry About What Other People Think So Much

Stop worrying about how awkward you’re being and what other people think of it! As long as you’re happy with who you are, it doesn’t really matter what other people think.

Being self-conscious is only going to add to your nervousness and heighten your awkwardness. So forget about what other people think and just have fun being you. [Read: 20 signs you’re a people pleaser and don’t realize it]

22. Keep Personal Information About Someone to Yourself

Being awkward also tends to go hand in hand with remembering too much personal information about someone. Do you remember someone’s birthday but haven’t spoken to them in 10 years? Then just keep it to yourself.

If you know someone is dating a person and it’s really none of your business, don’t bring it up in a conversation with a lot of people around. It makes you look creepy and will induce an awkward moment.

23. Embrace Funny Awkward Moments

Not every awkward moment you have is going to be so debilitating that you want to crawl into a corner and never see the light of day again. Some of your awkward moments are going to be funny and might even make other people laugh.

Finding the charm in your awkwardness will not only allow you to let loose a bit, but your personality will shine more and you’ll be more confident in yourself – which reduces the amount of bad awkward moments you’ll have. [Read: Why guys like shy girls and find them incredibly attractive]

24. Allow Yourself Room For Error

A lot of error. Like, it’s been years, and I’m still saying and doing things that make me cringe. It’s just life, it can’t be perfect.

So, go easy on yourself and praise yourself when you tell a joke or make a friend. Those are the moments you should focus on. [Read: Why introverts are much more than just shy and awkward]

25. You Don’t Have to Do it All at Once

Don’t put this pressure on yourself that you have to do everything right now. Work in baby steps, because it’s much easier.

Make short-term goals for yourself every time you go out, and then slowly build upon them. You don’t need to master the art of socializing all in one night. If you put that pressure on yourself, you’ll flop.

26. Laugh at Yourself

If you don’t laugh at yourself, you’ll never know how to stop being socially awkward. Listen, you’re going to make mistakes, like telling a failed joke or give a weird reply. It’s normal. But, in those moments, you just have to laugh at yourself. It’ll help you put things into perspective. Laugh and learn.

27. Practice Makes Perfect

You can’t stop being awkward overnight. It’s a personality trait of yours and it might just take some time to rework your brain to hide those awkward tendencies. So you need to practice, practice, practice.

[Read: How to care less – Powerful ways to stop giving a damn what people think]

Being Awkward is Kind of Charming!

Being awkward isn’t the worst thing in the world – it’s actually kind of charming! However, if you want to be less awkward and more confident and fun, this guide will help get you there. Embracing your quirks is important, but knowing how to navigate social situations comfortably is equally valuable.

[Read: Socially inept: What it is, 20 signs & ways to feel confident again]

Improvement takes time and practice, but with perseverance, anyone can become more adept in their social interactions. Keep these insights and tips on how not to be awkward in mind and step by step, you’ll find your way to a more confident and engaging social presence.

The post 27 Secrets & 20-Point Checklist on How Not to Be Awkward for the Quirky Ones is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

Tactics Tuesdays: How to Turn Your Conversations Playful

Women will talk to you in polite or inquisitive but often boring ways. To make it flirtation, you must inject playfulness into your chat with a girl.

Commenting on my article about dumbing yourself down to sleep with smart girls quicker, Jason H asks:

Hi Chase,
Any advice on transitioning conversation to more teasing/flirting in certain scenario's to make the dynamic more fun/seductive
- When she is focused on connection, but you want to inject some more teasing/flirting
- When she is focused on catching up/factual information such as how is this going, how are things at Y etc or other impersonal topics
- In group scenario's where it's more difficult to do this and you want to tease or flirt with a certain girl

Basically asking about identifying cues and opportunities to inject a little more teasing & fun into conversations, or strategies to direct the conversation towards more fun in a socially skilled way.

Thanks!

Sure, let’s talk about this: how do you turn your conversations playful?

Essentially, when you’re dealing with girls who are trying to connect or extract facts out of you, meanwhile you are trying to make it a playful, flirtatious conversation, what you are dealing with is a frame battle. She wants to frame the conversation one way while you want to frame it another.

I want to touch on whether it’s necessary to seize control of the conversation this way – and what can happen if you do vs. if you don’t. Then we’ll talk making your conversations playful.

Quoiromantic Confusion: 44 Signs, Pros, Cons, & Relationship Survival Tips

Do you feel like traditional romantic attraction just doesn’t happen to you? If so, you might be a quoiromantic, but you are not unusual.

Have you ever found yourself puzzled by romantic movies or friends gushing about their latest crush, wondering why you can’t quite relate to those feelings? If so, you’re not alone. This sense of disconnection or confusion around romantic attraction points us towards an intriguing term in the vast lexicon of love: quoiromantic.

To be quoiromantic means to exist in a space where traditional labels of romantic attraction don’t quite fit. It’s not about who you’re attracted to, rather, it’s about not fully understanding or relating to the concept of romantic attraction itself.

This might sound perplexing, especially in a world that often views romantic attraction as a given, a universal experience. Whether this term is new to you or something you deeply resonate with, our journey will offer a fresh perspective on the diverse and nuanced nature of human relationships. [Read: Romantic attraction: How to know when you feel the real thing]

The Psychology of Being Quoiromantic

Imagine stepping into a world where the typical romantic cues just don’t resonate with you. This is the reality for those who identify as quoiromantic. [Read: Demiromantic – what it is, the signs, and why you take longer to fall in love]

The term ‘quoiromantic’ comes from the French word ‘quoi,’ meaning ‘what,’ and aptly captures the essence of this orientation – a questioning or uncertainty about romantic attraction.

People who are quoiromantic might find themselves puzzled by the concept of romance or unable to distinguish romantic attraction from other forms of attraction, like platonic or aesthetic.

According to the Asexual Visibility and Education Network *AVEN*, being quoiromantic means you don’t experience romantic attraction in a way that aligns with traditional definitions. [Read: Panromantic asexual – what it is, 23 signs, FAQs and ways to recognize them]

Now, let’s place quoiromantic on the broader romantic spectrum. You’ve probably heard of terms like heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, and asexual. These terms describe who a person is attracted to.

Quoiromantic, on the other hand, joins other lesser-known orientations like aromantic and demiromantic, which describe how a person experiences romantic attraction – or in the case of quoiromantics, how they struggle to define or experience it at all.

To add a scholarly touch, let’s bring in some psychology terms. ‘Amatonormativity‘ is a term coined by Elizabeth Brake, a philosophy professor, to describe the societal expectation that everyone should desire and seek out a romantic relationship.

Quoiromantic individuals often find themselves at odds with this norm. Then there’s ‘relationship anarchy,’ a concept that challenges traditional relationship rules and hierarchies.

For a quoiromantic person, this could mean forming connections that don’t necessarily fit into neat categories like ‘just friends’ or ‘more than friends.’

Signs You Might Be Quoiromantic

How can you tell if you’re quoiromantic? It’s a question that might be lingering in your mind, especially if traditional romantic narratives don’t quite click for you. [Read: Pansexual – what it is, 26 truths, myths, signs, and what it feels like to be one]

Being quoiromantic often involves a unique set of experiences and feelings around romance and attraction. Let’s explore some signs that might suggest you identify with this orientation.

Remember, everyone’s experience is unique, so these signs are not one-size-fits-all but rather a starting point for self-exploration.

1. You Feel More Confused Than Excited by Romantic Gestures

When someone shows romantic interest in you, instead of feeling flattered or excited, you feel confused. [Read: Aromantic asexual – what it is, and traits and challenges of this sexual identity]

This isn’t about shyness or lack of interest but more about not understanding why these gestures are supposed to be special or significant.

You find yourself analyzing why people value romantic actions, a sign psychologists suggest could be indicative of a quoiromantic orientation.

2. Romantic Relationships Seem Like a Foreign Concept

You understand the idea of romantic relationships, but they feel like a concept from another world. [Read: Lithromantic – what it is, what makes one, and signs you may be one]

It’s not like you dislike romance. Just that you’re genuinely not grasping what it feels like to be romantically attracted to someone. Experts in relationship psychology note that this disconnect is a key sign of being quoiromantic.

3. Romantic Movies and Stories Don’t Stir Feelings

While your friends might swoon or get emotional over romantic films or books, you watch or read them with a sort of detached interest.

Romantic element doesn’t resonate with you on a personal level, a common experience among quoiromantic individuals. [Read: Romantic orientation – the most common ones all of us must know]

4. Deep Friendships Feel More Fulfilling Than Romance

You find that your most fulfilling relationships are deep, platonic friendships. Many people, especially those who identify as quoiromantic, feel more connected and understood in non-romantic relationships.

If you’re someone who finds the unique bond and genuine connection in friendships more fulfilling, you might be quoiromantic.

5. You Struggle to Define Your Attraction

If you’ve ever asked, “What’s attractive to you,” and found yourself genuinely stumped, you’re not alone. Categorizing your feelings as romantic, platonic, or aesthetic can be challenging because the lines between different types of attraction are often blurry and overlapping.

This genuine difficulty in distinguishing forms of attraction is a hallmark of the quoiromantic experience. For those who are quoiromantic, understanding and labeling these feelings can feel elusive, making the journey of self-discovery even more complex and unique. [Read: How to talk about your feelings in a relationship & grow closer]

6. Discussions About Romance Leave You Perplexed

So your friends are swooning about their latest romantic escapades, and you’re left dumbfounded. It’s not that you’re uninterested in their stories, you just can’t relate to the romantic aspect at all. For those who are quoiromantic, this feeling of missing a piece of the puzzle is all too familiar.

7. Societal Expectations of Romance Are Overwhelming

You feel pressured by the societal norm that everyone should desire romantic relationships. [Read: Heteromantic orientation – what it is, the different types, and must-know facts]

This pressure isn’t about fear of commitment; it’s about not resonating with the idea of romance itself, a concept that’s at the core of understanding quoiromanticism.

8. Romantic Relationships Feel Like Going Through the Motions

The thing about being quoiromantic is that you don’t immediately know you are one. If you’ve been in a relationship and it often feels like you’re just acting out a script, it might be a clue.

It’s not about the partner not being right, it’s about the romantic aspect feeling unnatural. Many quoiromantics share this sentiment, realizing only later that their discomfort stems from their unique way of experiencing attraction.

9. You Frequently Question Your Romantic Orientation

You’ve spent a lot of time pondering whether you experience romantic attraction. [Read: Cupioromantic – 30 signs and secrets to unveil this romantic orientation and thrive]

This ongoing self-questioning isn’t about finding the right person; it’s about trying to understand your own feelings, a journey familiar to those who are quoiromantic.

10. Your Connections Don’t Fit Neat Romantic Boxes

You form deep connections that don’t fit traditional romantic categories. These relationships are meaningful but don’t align with societal definitions of romance, a common experience for those with a quoiromantic orientation.

11. “Is This a Crush or Just a Close Friendship?”

You often find yourself questioning whether your feelings towards someone are romantic or just a deep friendship. Understanding emotions isn’t the issue, it’s about the blurry line between romantic and platonic affection.

For many who are quoiromantic, distinguishing between these types of feelings can be incredibly challenging. The overlap and ambiguity in their attractions lead to a constant state of uncertainty, making it hard to categorize their emotions clearly.

12. You Prefer the Idea of ‘Queerplatonic’ Relationships

The concept of a ‘queerplatonic’ relationship, which is intense and intimate but not romantic, appeals to you more than traditional romantic partnerships.

This preference stems from a desire for deep connections that don’t necessarily involve romance, a sentiment echoed in the quoiromantic community. [Read: Aromantic – what it means, how it works, and 28 must-knows about their love life]

13. Romantic Compliments Make You Uncomfortable

So, someone has given you a compliment. Maybe something like “You’re so beautiful” or “I love you,” and instead of blushing or feeling flattered, it felt awkward or confusing.

The romantic intent behind the words doesn’t resonate with you, which is something many quoiromantics can relate to.

14. Dating Apps Feel Like a Puzzle

The world of dating apps feels like some strange, confusing universe. Maybe you’ve tried looking but everyone seems swipe-leftable, or you cringe at the cheesy pick-up lines in their bios.

Navigating these platforms isn’t about being technologically challenged, it’s about not resonating with the primary goal of finding romantic connections. This could be another sign that you’re quoiromantic. [Read: 28 Truths why dating apps don’t work for you and secrets to turn it around]

15. You Find Yourself Asking, “What Even Is Romance?”

The concept of romance often feels abstract and elusive to you. This isn’t about being cynical; it’s a genuine struggle to grasp what people mean when they talk about romance, a common thought process for quoiromantic individuals.

16. Valentine’s Day Doesn’t Excite You

While others may look forward to Valentine’s Day, you find it to be just another day.

This indifference isn’t about being anti-love; it’s about not connecting with the romantic aspect that the day celebrates, a viewpoint that many who are quoiromantic might share. [Read: Why it’s awesome to be single on Valentine’s Day]

17. “Why Don’t I Get Butterflies?”

Butterflies in my stomach? We don’t know them! You usually get this butterfly feeling when you like someone, but for quoiromantics, romantic attraction doesn’t manifest in the same way. This absence of physical reaction is a common experience among those who identify as quoiromantic.

18. You Relate More to Friendship Stories

In movies, books, or real life, you find yourself relating more to stories of friendship than romance. [Read: True friendship – 37 real friend traits and what it takes to be a good, loyal one]

This preference isn’t about disliking love stories but more about finding more personal meaning in platonic relationships, a sentiment often expressed by those who are quoiromantic.

19. Advances Leave You Perplexed

When someone expresses romantic interest in you, it often leaves you feeling more puzzled than flattered, and no, you’re not playing hard to get. It’s just that you can’t quite understand or relate to the romantic intentions. Again, a typical experience for quoiromantics.

20. You Enjoy Deep Emotional Connections Without Labels

You cherish deep, emotional connections with people but don’t feel the need to label these as romantic. You’re the kind of person who’s more focused on enjoying the definitely platonic connection rather than worrying about labels and what-are-wes.

Upsides of Being a Quoiromantic

If you’re quoiromantic, there’s a whole world of unique advantages that come with your orientation.

While it might sometimes feel challenging to navigate a world so focused on traditional romantic relationships, being quoiromantic comes with its own set of perks. [Read: Biromantic – what it means and how to read between biromantic vs. bisexual]

Here’s a look at some of the positives that quoiromantic individuals often experience.

1. Freedom from Conventional Relationship Scripts

As a quoiromantic, you’re not bound by societal expectations of what a relationship should look like. This freedom allows you to create relationships that are genuinely fulfilling, based on mutual understanding and respect, rather than societal norms.

2. Deeper Understanding of Different Types of Love

Quoiromantics often develop a deep appreciation for various forms of love beyond the romantic kind. This includes platonic, aesthetic, and familial love, enriching their emotional experiences and relationships. [Read: Types of love you’ll experience in your life]

3. Stronger Platonic Bonds

Without the distraction of romantic attraction, you might find that your platonic relationships are stronger and more meaningful. These bonds are built on shared interests, values, and genuine affection, providing a solid foundation for lasting friendships.

4. Enhanced Self-Understanding

Navigating the world as a quoiromantic often requires introspection and self-exploration. This journey can lead to a better understanding of yourself and what you truly value in relationships and life.

5. Less Pressure in Social Situations

Being quoiromantic means you’re less likely to feel pressure to engage in romantic or dating activities that don’t interest you. [Read: 33 easy ways to meet new people and widen your social circle effortlessly]

This can lead to a more relaxed and authentic social life, where you engage in activities that truly resonate with you.

6. Embracing Authentic Connections

As a quoiromantic, your relationships are based on a true connection rather than societal expectations of romance. This authenticity means your relationships are deeply rooted in honesty and mutual respect, creating a space for genuine interactions.

7. Reduced Relationship Anxiety

Without the typical anxieties surrounding romantic relationships, such as fear of rejection or the pressure to find ‘the one,’ you might experience a more peaceful emotional life. [Read: Relationship anxiety – what it is, 44 signs, feelings, and ways to get over it]

This can lead to a sense of contentment and reduced stress in your day-to-day interactions.

8. Opportunity for Creative Relationship Structures

Being quoiromantic opens the door to exploring non-traditional relationship structures.

Whether it’s queerplatonic partnerships or other unique forms of connection, you have the freedom to design relationships that truly work for you, unconfined by conventional templates. [Read: Queerplatonic relationship – what it is and 25 signs you’re in one]

9. Greater Focus on Personal Growth and Passions

With less emphasis on pursuing romantic relationships, you often have more time and energy to invest in personal development and passions. This can lead to a fulfilling and enriched life, where personal achievements and hobbies take center stage.

10. Contribution to a More Inclusive Society

By embracing your quoiromantic identity, you’re helping to broaden societal understanding of the spectrum of human experience.

Your existence and openness about your orientation contribute to a more accepting and diverse world, where all forms of love and connection are valued. [Read: 29 Signs you’re asexual – what it means, and must-knows to be in a relationship]

Challenges of Being a Quoiromantic

While being quoiromantic has its unique advantages, it also comes with its own set of challenges.

These aspects can sometimes make navigating relationships and societal expectations a bit tricky. Here are some of the cons that quoiromantic individuals might face, presented in a way that’s both informative and sensitive to their experiences.

1. Misunderstanding from Others

One of the biggest challenges is the lack of awareness or understanding about quoiromanticism. [Read: Lessons to deal with judgmental people]

You might face misconceptions or confusion from others, including friends and family, who may not grasp your experience or question its validity.

2. Difficulty in Finding Like-Minded Individuals

Since quoiromanticism isn’t widely known or understood, finding others who share your orientation or are empathetic to it can be challenging. This can lead to feelings of isolation or being misunderstood in your social and dating life.

3. Navigating Romantic Expectation

Living in a society that heavily values romantic relationships can be tough. You might feel pressured to conform to romantic norms or struggle to explain your lack of interest in traditional romantic relationships. [Read: Unrealistic expectations in love we want to believe but shouldn’t]

4. Internal Conflicts and Self-Doubt

The process of understanding and accepting your quoiromantic identity can be filled with self-doubt and internal questioning. It might take time to fully embrace your orientation, especially in the face of societal norms that prioritize romantic attraction.

Limited Resources and Support: There’s a scarcity of resources, support groups, or communities specifically for quoiromantic individuals. This can make it harder to find support and advice tailored to your experiences and challenges.

5. Challenges in Romantic Relationships

If a quoiromantic person chooses to engage in romantic relationships, they may face unique difficulties. [Read: How to face relationship challenges and overcome them as a couple]

Balancing their own feelings with their partner’s expectations can be complex, leading to confusion and strain in the relationship.

6. Feeling Out of Sync with Mainstream Media

Mainstream media predominantly showcases romantic love, often leaving quoiromantic individuals feeling out of sync or excluded. This constant portrayal of romance as a universal goal can be alienating and frustrating.

7. Social Pressure and Judgment

Social events and conversations often revolve around romantic relationships, leading to uncomfortable situations. [Read: 34 Secrets to calmly deal with haters, rid their negativity, and keep your Zen!]

Quoiromantics might face judgment or pressure from peers who don’t understand their orientation, leading to awkward interactions and a sense of not fitting in.

8. Limited Representation

There’s a significant lack of representation of quoiromantic individuals in media, literature, and public discourse. This lack of visibility can make it harder for quoiromantics to find relatable role models or stories that reflect their experiences.

9. Navigating Identity in a Romance-Centric World

Living in a world that often equates happiness and fulfillment with romantic love can be challenging. [Read: 25 Honest, self-reflection questions to recognize the real YOU inside]

Quoiromantics may struggle to find their place and voice in a society that doesn’t always acknowledge or validate their experiences.

Tips for Quoiromantics and Their Partners

Whether you’re working on a relationship as a quoiromantic or you’re romantically involved with one, it’s like embarking on an uncharted journey. It’s all about discovering new ways to connect and understand each other.

Here’s how to make this adventure fulfilling and fun.

1. For Quoiromantics: Embrace Your Unique Relationship Style

Celebrate the uniqueness of how you experience relationships. [Read: 40 Very deep questions to ask someone before you get close to them]

Whether you love deep conversations more than candlelit dinners or prefer movie nights over romantic getaways, embrace these preferences. Your style adds a fresh dimension to the relationship dynamic.

2. For Partners: Find Joy in the Little Things

If your partner is quoiromantic, learn to find joy in the nuances of your relationship that aren’t conventionally romantic.

Cherish the moments of shared laughter, mutual interests, and the comfort of just being together. These small joys often create the most lasting memories. [Read: 41 Rules of life to never be unhappy and be the one who screams, “I love my life!”]

3. For Quoiromantics: Be Open to New Experiences

While staying true to your feelings, be open to trying new things with your partner.

It could be engaging in activities they enjoy or finding middle ground in shared experiences. This openness can lead to unexpected joys and a deeper bond.

4. For Partners: Communication is Key, But So Is Listening

Effective communication goes beyond just talking; it’s also about listening. Listen to understand, not just to respond. [Read: 31 Communication exercises and games for couples and secrets to feel closer]

When your quoiromantic partner shares their thoughts and feelings, pay attention to the subtleties. This deep level of understanding is what makes the relationship stronger.

5. Create Your Own Relationship ‘Rules’

Forget the rulebook of traditional relationships. Work together to create a set of ‘rules’ that suits both of you.

Whether it’s how you spend time together, express affection, or support each other, these personalized guidelines can make your relationship more fulfilling and less stressful for both parties. [Read: 30 Relationship rules, secrets, and tips to make your love life way, WAY, better!]

Every Form of Love and Connection Holds Value

In the end, being quoiromantic, like any romantic orientation, comes with its own unique experiences and challenges. It’s a journey of self-discovery, understanding, and embracing the myriad ways we connect with others.

Remember, every form of love and connection holds value, and being quoiromantic is a beautiful expression of the diverse spectrum of human emotions and relationships.

Your quoiromantic journey is valid and important. It contributes to a richer, more inclusive understanding of love and connection in our world. [Read: Homoromantic – the basic facts on what it means and how to understand it]

So, cherish your experiences and embrace your identity. Sure, not everybody can relate to what quoiromantics feel, but that doesn’t make your feelings any less valid. Your way of experiencing relationships is just as important and meaningful as any other.

The post Quoiromantic Confusion: 44 Signs, Pros, Cons, & Relationship Survival Tips is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

The Adaptive Mechanism Behind Birth Rate Decline: Is It Group Evolution?

Birth rates are falling around the world. Why? Also, what is the reproductive benefit to people having fewer children – or no children at all?

I just read an article titled “Pets in Tokyo. The Plague.” In it, the author writes scathingly about Tokyo’s obsession with pets, the replacement of children with pets (there are more pets than children in Japan), and the obscene amounts of money Japanese spend on these surrogate children, instead of simply having children.

I’ve been utterly fascinated with the rapid spread of infertility and childlessness across the globe in recent decades.

Ubiquitously, across nearly all societies, even those with completely different cultures, governmental setups, and geopolitical alignments, birth rates are in freefall.

Any birth rate under 2.1 total births per women means a declining population; and the lower the birth rate, the faster the decline. As of 2024, the average total fertility rates of the various countries and regions were as follows:

• Iran: 2.0 total births per woman
• South America: 1.8 total births per woman
• Australia: 1.8 total births per woman
• Russia: 1.8 total births per woman
• United States: 1.7 total births per woman
• Western Europe: 1.5 total births per woman
• Japan: 1.4 total births per woman
• China: 1.2 total births per woman
• South Korea: 0.8 total births per woman

North Korea, South Korea’s bitter enemy and polar opposite, is at a mere total fertility rate of 1.9 births per woman.

Even sub-Saharan Africa, that bastion of resistless procreation, has seen its fecundity slide in recent years, from 6.5 total births per woman in 1980 to a comparably meager 4.5 in 2022.

The interesting question here, though, is what is the mechanism?

Giving Girls 'Outs' During Seduction: Nuance & Instincts

Giving girls “outs” during a seduction is essential to maintaining comfort and buy-in. But what’s the nuance – and what when your gut says “don’t do it?”

Hey guys and welcome back.

I have been discussing the importance of giving the girl you are interacting with some space. This means allowing her an exit route to increase her comfort level. By doing so, she feels more at ease, which can lead to her becoming more compliant and willing to follow your lead.

Last week, I discussed this concept and gave examples by applying it to different contexts, such as during the hooking, isolation, escalation, and extraction phases.

Today, I will sum up this theory and get more conceptual by refining it further. It is usually better to give your girl a chance to opt out. However, like anything within pickup and seduction, there are exceptions and details to consider. This does not mean there are no general rules to follow, but like any generalities, there are times you should deviate.

After all, seduction is a social science and, some would say, an art, and there is room for exceptions. This post will cover situations when the rule of giving her a chance to opt out does not apply and it is better to “lock her to you.”

But before I get into that, I’ll recap the theory of giving a girl space, providing more details. Then, I will discuss the scenarios in which this theory may not apply.

Stop Repelling People with Your Uncharitable Assumptions

People often make uncharitable assumptions about each other. But when you do this, and tell the other person, you tear your relationship with him or her to shreds.

A few years back I wrote an article about the trouble autistic men have in dating. In it I also talked about my experience as a coach trying to work with autistic men and how fiendishly difficult it is.

(autistic reader trigger warning: I was very blunt in that article, because in my experience dealing with autistic men this is the only way to communicate effectively. Delicacy leads to large and frustrating misunderstandings. Some autistic readers found that blunt article enlightening; others found it depressing. If you’re sensitive, you’ll likely be better off reading my forum thread on practical tips & success stories from autistic men)

One of the things I mentioned in that article was the frequency with which I have found autistic men make ‘uncharitable assumptions’ in conversations with me. I’ve seen it with so many different autistic men that I assume this is probably a normal behavior for them, which they’re likely doing with other people too.

In fact, I think this behavior alone is probably the cause of a large number of autistic men’s falling outs with people. While it’s a small behavior, it’s really, really aggravating.

Autistic men aren’t the only ones who are guilty of this, either. ADHD men do this often too. Any guy who speaks before he empathizes, really, can be guilty of this.

In this article, I’m going to introduce you to this concept, which I am certainly not the first to identify (indeed, there are proverbs around this going back to antiquity), but I’m going to highlight it in ways you probably haven’t thought about before – and hopefully save you from burning some bridges and melting down some relationships with inadvertent rudeness.

Secrets to Getting Girls: Positive Reference Experiences

The man who excels with women is the one who possesses enough very positive reference experiences with them. These SHAPE his mind & behavior toward women!

Want to know an absolutely ENORMOUS secret behind every guy who’s successful with women?

The BIG secret behind guys who are ‘naturals’ who effortlessly clean up with women… and the guys who go on to be über-successful self-taught ladies men?

The single biggest secret, in fact, to rapidly progressing with women, even from the point of being a pure beginner?

Here it is:

The secret is positive reference experiences.

The more positive reference experiences you can build, the faster you build them, the more STRONGLY positive they are, and the higher a proportion of the feedback you’re receiving from women those positive experiences comprise, the faster you’ll progress to doing scarily well with girls.

[WATCH] Chase Amante Interview with Alex from Bro Psychology

New interview up on YouTube where I talk with Bro Psychology’s Alex.

We covered a huge range of topics in this interview, including:

• Female psychology
• Red pill thinking & catchphrases
• Modern women’s partner counts and sexual habits
• The rise & fall of the pickup industry
• How dating apps have affected the sexual landscape
• What I would change in the popular consciousness re: dating if I could

… and much, much more.

We were talking so long the sun went down!

Why You Fall So Hard in Love with Girls Who Delay Sex

There’s this girl you know and you haven’t had sex with her yet but you’re falling more and more in-love with her. Why does this happen & how does it work?

On a recent article of mine, a commenter asks about an all-too common scenario:

This is very weird situation...

When I've met this girl I was a virgin She is foreigner and she is older than me 7 years. I'm in early twenties

We went on two dates, and when I tried to kiss her she said to me that she can't that she is gay.

She said that she feels attraction to guys and she had two guys in younger age... problem to her is that she said how she couldn't connect emotionally with them and that they hurted her. She said that girls are better with that.

I've told her then we can be friends when some time passes. In meantime I've had my first sex with other girl and I was not a virgin...

Later on after 2 months first girl and I made a contact. Now we are hanging out again as a friends once a week, but I still feel attraction to her.

Now she looks a lot more recipient to me and lot more touchy to me. I'm not anxious anymore so vibe is better. Although she is Latin so it is maybe normal for touching .She is a great friend and really nice to me of course, but I'm still losing my mind sometimes and I don't know if she likes me or not. And I'm scared again to try to kiss her or tell her that.

(well, okay, maybe the bit about the girl saying she is gay and whatnot are not that common. But the overall theme of “boy meets girl, girl won’t put out, boy falls more and more in love with girl” is!)

Why does it happen that guys fall hard for these girls who duck them, dodge them, and lead them on – typically much harder than they fell for the girl when they first started going for her?

It is due to the magical phenomenon of investment; a phenomenon you yourself can make use of – or become as hopelessly ensnared and befuddled by as any other man.