Mindsets of a Nightlife Seducer: Beginning the Night

Alek Rolstad walks you through the mindsets of a seducer as he prepares for a night out on the town – plus what goes through his mind early on in his night.

Hey guys. Welcome back.

Today’s post has a different focus. While it may seem like a report, it is not. I will present a hypothetical scenario to illustrate my thought process in the field. Instead of analyzing the interactions, I want to discuss the various mental states I experience that guide my decision-making during an outing. My goal is to create an introspective reflection that reveals what occurs when facing different situations and challenges.

I have historically tried to incorporate this aspect in my field reports. However, most reports focus on events, such as the conversations, techniques I use, reasons behind their effectiveness, the girl’s responses, and my reactions to those responses. As a result, there is little room to explore what goes on inside my head.

I initially wanted this to focus on a specific outing. However, upon reflection, I realized that the outing I chose was similar to many others I’ve experienced, and my thought process is the same. Using a hypothetical scenario based on actual events gives me more flexibility. This approach allows me to create more hoops and settings, and I can better describe how I react to them. I am not confining myself to the narrative of what actually happened.

Before I begin, note that I am making these scenarios more negative than usual. This lets you see my mindset and strategic decision-making skills in handling challenging situations. They may seem more difficult than your typical outing. So, do not let this demotivate you. Most outings will be more favorable. The key is that despite unfavorable situations, you can still use your skills to turn the tide.

19 Signs Your Husband Hates You: 20 Reasons & How to Save Your Marriage

Everyone wants to live happily ever after, but sometimes it doesn’t happen. So, if you want to know the signs your husband hates you or not, here they are.

You remember the days when your relationship felt like something straight out of a fairy tale. Those moments were filled with laughter, shared dreams, and that unmistakable spark in the air. But now you are looking for signs that your husband hates you.

You’d rather be living in a world where every glance was a promise, and every touch was a story waiting to unfold. But fast forward to now, and things seem…different.

The sparkle might have dimmed, the conversations might have become a routine of monosyllables, and the warmth may have cooled.

This change leads you to a thought you never imagined you’d entertain: Are these all signs that your husband hates you?

It’s a jarring thought, one that brings with it a storm of questions and uncertainties. If you find yourself in this unsettling predicament, you’re not alone.

Many have trod this path, feeling the weight of doubt and confusion about their partner’s feelings. But how do you navigate this turbulent sea of emotions? How do you discern the signs that something is amiss in the paradise you once knew?

This is where we delve into an unspoken realm of relationships, exploring the subtle and not-so-subtle signs your husband may have feelings of deep resentment or negativity towards you.

It’s a journey that requires courage, a bit of detective work, and an open heart. From understanding the unspoken language of emotions to decoding the silent messages in his actions, we will guide you through this complex landscape. [Read: Disrespectful husband – 28 signs and ways to teach him to treat you better]

Understanding Hate in a Relationship

Hate is a strong word, often tossed around in moments of intense emotion, but in a marriage, it carries a much heavier weight. [Read: Love-hate relationship – what it is, the big signs, types, and how to overcome it]

It’s not the fleeting irritation you feel when your partner forgets to take out the trash. Nor is it the temporary disappointment of a missed anniversary dinner. Hate, in this context, is a persistent, deep-seated feeling of intense dislike or animosity that can have far-reaching consequences on your relationship.

But why does hate surface in a relationship that presumably started with love and affection? To answer this, let’s turn to the science of emotions. [Read: Attachment styles theory – 4 types, and 19 signs and ways you attach to others]

Psychological theories, such as attachment theory, provide a lens to understand how deep-seated feelings of insecurity, fear, or abandonment in our early life can shape the way we interact in adult relationships.

These unresolved issues can escalate into negative emotions like resentment or contempt, often misidentified as hate.

Conflict escalation is another critical piece of this puzzle. It’s like a snowball effect; small disagreements or misunderstandings, if not addressed, can build up over time, leading to intense negative emotions. [Read: How to resolve conflict – the 20 best ways to cut out the drama]

This escalation can create a chasm so wide that the love once shared seems to have morphed into something unrecognizable, leading to the search for signs your husband hates you.

How to Know the Signs Your Husband Hates You

We don’t think your husband hates you; it’s a little harsh to assume without evidence.

However, understanding the dynamics of your relationship is crucial, and there are certain behaviors that might signal deep-seated issues. [Read: 19 signs of resentment in a relationship that hurts both and how to fix it]

Here are 20 signs, grounded in psychological insights, which may indicate that your husband harbors negative feelings towards you.

1. He Forgets Major Dates

So, he forgot your birthday…again…and it’s not the first time, but the third time consecutively! This isn’t just a matter of being forgetful; it’s a sign of something deeper.

When your husband consistently overlooks important dates like your birthday or your anniversary, it’s a clear indicator of emotional detachment. [Read: 31 signs your husband doesn’t value you and secrets to win back his attention]

Psychologists have found that emotional investment typically leads to remembering significant milestones. Such forgetfulness could signify deeper emotional issues and possibly indicate that he hates you.

2. He Stops Spending Time With You

Remember how, in the early days of your marriage, you two were practically glued together, reveling in each other’s company? Now, if it seems like he can’t stand being in the same space with you for even five seconds, that’s another red flag.

A significant drop in the time you spend together can signal serious issues in your relationship. Shared experiences are the glue that keeps the bond strong. [Read: 23 raw psychological effects of being ignored by someone you love]

3. He’s Emotionally Abusive

If he’s constantly criticizing, gaslighting, and belittling you, girl, those are clear signs your husband hates you. Emotional abuse is a major red flag, not just a minor relationship hiccup.

It’s rooted in deep anger or resentment and can severely impact your mental health. A man who truly loves and respects you would not resort to such harmful behaviors.

This kind of emotional abuse is a serious problem in your relationship, and it’s often an expression of hatred, not love. [Read: Emotional abuse – what it is and 39 signs this relationship is breaking you]

4. He Criticizes You Constantly

Whether it’s about your clothing choices, the way you cook, or how you manage your time, constant criticism from your husband is a glaring red flag. It’s not just about him being picky or particular; it’s a sign he harbors negative feelings towards you.

Relationship expert Dr. John Gottman identifies such continuous criticism as a precursor to more severe relationship problems. This relentless fault-finding is a clear indicator that there might be deeper issues at play, possibly even hatred.

5. He Blames You for Everything

If your husband consistently blames you, even for things beyond your control, it’s a sign of deep issues. Psychologists suggest that such behavior is a form of projection, where one partner displaces their frustrations onto the other.

6. He’s Physically Violent Towards You

Okay, this is a major no-no! If your husband is physically violent towards you, it’s a major sign your husband hates you, because how could you ever hurt someone you love? [Read: Narcissistic abuse – what it is, types, 58 signs, and ways they hurt and break you]

Physical violence is an undeniable and severe indicator of deep-seated issues in a relationship, often reflective of hate.

It’s a dangerous breach of trust and a clear violation of the basic principles of respect and care in a marriage. This behavior is a major red flag and should never be tolerated!

7. He’s Constantly Distracted Around You

Whether he’s unusually too invested in the movie playing on TV or constantly buried in his phone, if your husband seems perpetually distracted when he’s with you, it’s a telling sign. [Read: Phubbing – what it is, 18 reasons why we phub, and ways to stop it ASAP]

This suggests more than just a busy mind; it points to a lack of interest or investment in the relationship. Remember, you’re never too busy for someone you truly care about. If his mind and heart seem to be consistently elsewhere, it probably is.

8. You Suspect or Know He’s Cheating on You

This is another major ‘ouch’. Maybe you have a gut feeling, or maybe you’re downright aware of it – if your husband is cheating, it’s one of the most painful signs your husband hates you.

Infidelity is a profound breach of trust and often a clear sign of emotional detachment and disrespect. [Read: 30 infidelity signs of a cheating partner and must-knows to tell if they’re lying]

When a partner engages in cheating, it typically reflects a breakdown in the emotional connection and commitment within the marriage.

Psychologists recognize that infidelity can arise from various deep-rooted issues, including dissatisfaction, resentment, or a craving for external validation.

9. He Told You

If he’s gone as far as to straight up tell you, “I hate you,” then honestly, you don’t need any more signs.

This kind of direct verbal expression of hatred or strong dislike is the most blatant indicator of his feelings. [Read: Cheating husband – 40 sneaky signs your man is unfaithful or trying to cheat]

While it’s rare and quite jarring for partners to explicitly state such deep negativity, when they do, it’s typically a reflection of profound emotional turmoil.

10. There’s No More Intimacy

Gone are those nights when passion seemed endless, when you both couldn’t wait to be lost in each other’s embrace. Now, if your bedroom feels more like a cold, distant space rather than a haven of intimacy, it’s a serious sign.

The absence of both sexual and emotional closeness can signal deep-rooted issues in your relationship. It’s like the fire that once fueled your connection has been extinguished, leaving behind a void. [Read: A lack of affection and intimacy in a relationship – is it time to walk away?]

11. He Doesn’t Put Effort into the Relationship

When one partner stops trying to maintain or improve the relationship, it’s often a sign of giving up. Relationship experts believe that effort is a reflection of commitment and care.

If your husband shows no interest in working on the relationship, it might suggest that his feelings towards you have turned negative.

12. He’s Irritated When You Speak

If your husband regularly shows irritation or disinterest when you speak, it could indicate deeper issues. [Read: Mean husband – 58 cruel signs, reasons, and what you can do to help him change]

This behavior might reflect a lack of respect and a breakdown in communication, two critical components of a healthy relationship.

Psychologists view such irritation as a potential sign of underlying contempt or frustration in the relationship.

13. He’s Never Home

It feels like he’s more of a tenant than a partner in your own home, doesn’t it? When he chooses to spend a significant amount of time away, always finding reasons not to be home, it’s a telling sign. [Read: 21 secrets to get your husband to love you again and rekindle the romance]

Sure, everyone needs their personal space and time, but consistently avoiding being at home goes beyond the need for individual freedom. It might suggest a deeper unwillingness to engage in the relationship.

This kind of behavior can often be a coping mechanism for unresolved feelings of anger or dissatisfaction. When your husband is more absent than present, it indicates a disconnection from the life you share.

14. Lack of Support in Your Endeavors

You just told him about that big promotion at work, but instead of the expected excitement or congratulations, you were met with indifference or, worse, a dismissive shrug. [Read: Signs of a supportive partner who encourages you and your goals]

This isn’t just about him having a bad day; it’s a significant sign when your husband is indifferent to your passions or achievements.

Support in a relationship should be like nurturing sunlight, encouraging growth and joy. If he consistently ignores or downplays your endeavors, it’s not just an oversight.

15. He Avoids Eye Contact

If he’s acting like you’re a pesky salesperson he’s trying to dodge at the mall, constantly avoiding eye contact, that’s a problem. It’s not just a quirk; it’s a non-verbal cue hinting at deeper issues. [Read: What does eye contact mean to a guy? 37 signs and secrets to read his mind]

Psychologists emphasize the importance of eye contact in maintaining connection and trust in any relationship. If your husband can’t seem to meet your gaze, it could be a sign of discomfort, guilt, or a conscious desire to create emotional distance.

This avoidance is more than just an awkward habit; it’s a silent message that he might be withdrawing from the relationship, and it’s a signal you shouldn’t ignore

16. He’s Dismissive of Your Feelings

If he regularly dismisses or invalidates your feelings, it’s a sign of emotional neglect. This behavior can stem from a lack of empathy, one of the cornerstones of a healthy relationship. [Read: 31 sad signs your husband doesn’t love you anymore and how to confront it]

When your feelings are constantly belittled, it reflects a deeper erosion of respect and care in the relationship.

17. He Makes Plans Without Considering You

Imagine your surprise when you find out he’s switched jobs without even mentioning it to you.

This kind of attitude – making significant decisions or plans without considering your availability, opinions, or preferences – is another sign your husband hates you. [Read: Trial separation – what it is, 48 signs, myths, pros and cons of taking a break]

It’s a sign of a deeper issue in your relationship.

When your husband consistently disregards your input, it’s not just an oversight; it shows a lack of consideration and partnership, which can be indicative of contempt or deep dissatisfaction within the marriage.

In a healthy relationship, major decisions are usually discussed and agreed upon together, reflecting mutual respect and cooperation. [Read: 24 sad signs of an unhealthy relationship that ruin love forever]

18. He Expresses Nostalgia for His Single Life

Ouch, right? When he frequently reminisces about his single days, it might feel like he’s indirectly saying he misses life without you, right to your face.

While it’s normal to fondly recall the past occasionally, a persistent longing for singlehood is a concerning sign. This suggests more than just harmless nostalgia; it may indicate a deep-seated unhappiness with the current state of your marriage.

Constantly talking about the ‘good old single days’ can be a subtle yet painful indicator of regret or a desire for a different life – one that doesn’t include you. [Read: The indirect signs of a loveless, unhappy marriage and how it all begins]

19. He’s Reluctant to Make Future Plans With You

It’s pretty obvious, isn’t it? When you married each other, you both envisioned a future together, a journey side by side through the ups and downs of life.

But if now he’s hesitant to make any plans for the future with you, that’s one of those glaring signs your husband hates you.

Potential Reasons Behind These Feelings

The next big question is: why? Why might these feelings of intense negativity or even hate arise in a marriage? [Read: Sexless relationship – why sex matters and how to spark passion in marriage again]

Understanding the root causes can be key to addressing and hopefully resolving these issues.

Here’s a list of ten potential reasons.

1. Unmet Expectations

Could it be that unfulfilled expectations are at the heart of the issue? Often, we enter marriage with a set of expectations, and when these aren’t met, it can lead to frustration and resentment.

Whether it’s about lifestyle, careers, or even family planning, unmet expectations are a common source of marital discord. [Read: 19 Unrealistic expectations in love we want to believe but shouldn’t]

2. Communication Breakdown

The cornerstone of any healthy relationship is effective communication.

A breakdown in this critical area can lead to a buildup of misunderstandings and unexpressed feelings. This lack of open dialogue prevents issues from being resolved constructively, allowing negative emotions to simmer and eventually boil over.

3. Infidelity

Infidelity can shatter the trust and bond in a marriage, leading to deep-seated feelings of betrayal, anger, and hurt. [Read: Cheating spouse – 18 signs you MUST watch for if you don’t want to be hurt]

The psychological impact of infidelity is profound, as it undermines the fundamental trust that the relationship is built upon, often leaving a lingering sense of insecurity and resentment.

Moreover, if there’s a history of cheating in the relationship, it’s possible that these feelings haven’t been fully resolved. Perhaps the issue wasn’t addressed enough, leaving unresolved emotions and a lack of closure. [Read: 30 Infidelity signs of a cheating partner and must-knows to tell if they’re lying]

4. Past Trauma

Could past traumas be influencing your husband’s behavior? Sometimes, unresolved issues from the past can manifest in a person’s present behavior, affecting their ability to maintain healthy relationships.

5. Personality Disorders

The presence of undiagnosed or untreated personality disorders can dramatically affect relationship dynamics. [Read: Narcissistic sociopath – how they think, 31 signs and ways to deal with them]

Conditions like narcissistic personality disorder or borderline personality disorder can lead to unpredictable and often negative behaviors within a marital context, impacting the overall emotional health of the relationship.

6. Stress and Mental Health Issues

Psychological stress and mental health conditions like depression or anxiety can drastically alter an individual’s behavior and emotional state.

These issues can lead to withdrawal, irritability, and a lack of emotional availability, significantly straining the marital bond. [Read: 10 main types of narcissism and 18 steps to treat and help a narcissist change]

7. Lifestyle Changes

Significant lifestyle changes, such as a new job, a move, or the birth of a child, can bring about stress and require adjustments in the relationship.

The inability to adapt to these changes can create tension and conflict, as the dynamics and routines of the marriage are altered.

8. Financial Problems

Financial strain is a common but often underestimated source of marital discord. [Read: How to talk about money with your partner without fighting about it]

The stress and pressure of financial difficulties can lead to arguments, blame, and a breakdown in partnership, as financial stability is a key component of marital security.

9. Lack of Intimacy and Connection

A decline in emotional and physical intimacy can create a chasm in the relationship. This lack of closeness often leads to feelings of loneliness, rejection, and resentment, as the partners drift apart emotionally and physically.

10. Differences in Life Goals

Divergent life goals can create a fundamental misalignment in the relationship. [Read: Do we really need a life partner? 44 truths, pros and cons, to guide your life]

When partners have different visions for their future, it can lead to feelings of frustration, misunderstanding, and a sense that they are not journeying through life together as a cohesive unit.

What to Do If You Notice the Signs Your Husband Hates You

Facing the realization that your husband may hate you is daunting. If you’re noticing the signs pointing towards this harsh reality, it’s crucial to take thoughtful and constructive actions.

Here are ten steps to consider, each designed to address the situation effectively and with care.

1. Self-Reflection

First and foremost, take a step back and engage in some honest self-reflection. Look at your actions and their impact on the relationship. [Read: 25 honest, self-reflection questions to recognize the real YOU inside]

Understanding your own behavior is key in deciphering the signs your husband hates you and figuring out the best course of action.

2. Open Communication

Approach your husband with a desire for open, honest communication. It’s essential to discuss your concerns and the signs you’ve noticed without being confrontational.

This can provide both of you a chance to express your feelings and may help in understanding the root of these negative emotions. [Read: 31 communication exercises and games for couples and secrets to feel closer]

3. Seeking Professional Help

If the signs are pointing towards deep-seated issues, seeking professional help is a wise move.

A therapist or counselor can assist in navigating through the signs your husband hates you, offering strategies to address the underlying problems and improve your relationship.

4. Setting Boundaries

It’s critical to establish and maintain healthy boundaries, especially if you’re seeing signs of 4hatred or disrespect. [Read: 23 secrets to set personal boundaries and guide others to respect them]

Boundaries protect your emotional well-being and create a framework for respectful interaction, which is crucial in such a delicate situation.

5. Empathy and Understanding

Attempt to empathize with your husband’s perspective.

This doesn’t mean excusing any hurtful behavior, but understanding his viewpoint could provide insights into why these signs of hatred have surfaced. Empathy can pave the way for effective problem-solving. [Read: How to show empathy and learn to understand someone else’s feelings]

6. Joint Activities

Engaging in activities together can sometimes help ease tension. If you’re seeing signs your husband hates you, finding neutral ground through shared interests might open up avenues for better communication and reconnection.

7. Express Appreciation and Gratitude

Sometimes, expressing gratitude and appreciation can have a positive impact. If your husband feels undervalued, acknowledging his efforts can be a step towards mending the relationship.

However, this should be genuine and not a forced attempt to placate him. [Read: 44 warm ways to say “I appreciate you” and show appreciation without words]

8. Re-evaluate Relationship Goals

Take time to reassess the goals and expectations of your marriage.

Understanding if both of you are on the same page can clarify why you’re seeing signs your husband hates you. This re-evaluation can be a foundation for rebuilding or redefining your relationship.

9. Create a Support System

Don’t go through this alone. [Read: True friendship – 37 real friend traits and what it takes to be a good, loyal one]

Having a support system of friends, family, or support groups can provide emotional support and advice. They can offer perspectives and support as you navigate through the signs of hatred in your marriage.

10. Consider Individual Development

Focus on your personal growth and well-being. Engaging in activities that boost your self-esteem and independence can be empowering. Sometimes, improving your own life can positively influence your marital relationship.

Are You Seeing Signs Your Husband Hates You?

Being in a situation where you sense a lack of connection and affection from your husband is never easy. It’s a place filled with uncertainty and emotional turmoil. [Read: Not attracted to your husband? 30 signs and ways to fix a loss of interest]

However, it’s important not to jump to conclusions or make hasty decisions. Relationships, especially marriages, are complex and often require careful and thoughtful navigation.

It’s a challenging but necessary step to figure out if the signs you’re observing are indeed indicating that your husband harbors negative feelings towards you.

This process is not just about identifying potential issues but also about understanding and addressing them, whether it’s through open communication, counseling, or personal reflection.

[Read: Does my husband love me? 20 signs that tell you what he won’t]

So, if you’re seeing signs your husband hates you, take a close, honest look at what’s really happening. Do you think that this marriage can be saved? You’ll never know unless you try.

The post 19 Signs Your Husband Hates You: 20 Reasons & How to Save Your Marriage is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

29 Golden Rules of Living With Ex For That Drama-free Set Up

Are you in the process of breaking up with someone you live with? Here are the rules to remember to avoid awkwardness when living with ex.

Breakups suck, but so does being homeless. Due to lack of having a job, making less income, upcoming lease expiry or other complicated reasons, sometimes we must continue living with ex post-breakup.

If you’re thinking: How could I live with my ex? Wouldn’t that be a self-induced hell? Then you’d be right. Living with your ex is no walk in the park, especially if you didn’t want to break up in the first place, if you’ve already found a new mate, or if infidelity was what ended your relationship. Unfortunately, personal circumstances sometimes force uncomfortable living situations post-relationship, but fortunately for you, it can be made bearable.

One of the most important things is to make sure you show respect. This may be difficult, especially if you were burned in the relationship, or if your relationship had already become toxic in some way.

Regardless, you’re now stuck together and the worst thing you could do was make your home a constant battle ground. You broke up, there were hurt feelings, but now it’s over and in a few short weeks, you’ll be out of each other’s hair for good. So how do you do it? [Read: 60 must-knows to end a relationship on good terms & not leave it messy]

So You Broke Up… Now What?

So you and your partner have decided to call it quits, but there’s a twist – you’re still living together. Breaking up is hard enough, and the added challenge of sharing a space with your ex can feel like navigating a maze with no clear exit. [Read: 40 signs to tell if your ex is over you or only pretending to have moved on]

This situation, where exes find themselves still living together, is more common than you might think. Whether it’s financial reasons, lease commitments, or other factors, this living arrangement can be tricky to manage.

When you’re living with an ex, the emotional landscape can be unpredictable, a perfect example of the primary appraisal stage in the Transactional Model of Stress and Coping. One minute you might feel a sense of relief and independence, and the next, you’re hit with a wave of nostalgia or frustration.

This is where you assess the situation as stressful or challenging. Acknowledging this emotional rollercoaster is crucial. It’s normal to experience a range of feelings, and giving yourself permission to feel them is a vital part of moving forward.

As you move to the secondary appraisal stage, you start considering your coping resources and strategies. One of the first steps post-breakup is to establish a new normal. This includes figuring out how to split expenses, deciding who sleeps where, and maybe even setting up a schedule for shared spaces like the kitchen or living room.

It’s not just about creating physical boundaries, but also about managing your emotional response to the situation, like choosing not to discuss certain topics or deciding on rules about bringing new dates home.

Lastly, navigating shared responsibilities becomes a focal point, and this is where problem-focused coping comes into play. Who does the grocery shopping, or who takes out the trash? You might find that the routines you had as a couple don’t work anymore.

It’s a time for recalibration and maybe even a bit of trial and error as you figure out what works best in your new situation as exes who are still living together. [Read: Time management techniques for couples]

How to Handle the Breakup While Still Living Together

When you have no choice but to stick around and endure until your situation allows, here are the rules you need to follow to make your transition from lovers to roomies more bearable.

1. Don’t Make it Weird

We know, how can it *not* be? What we mean is, don’t tiptoe around your ex, if you ever expect to live comfortably during your time together.

Obviously, this experience isn’t going to be something you’d want to repeat, but being insanely polite and walking on eggshells around your former significant other is only going to make matters more awkward. [Read: Bumped into your ex? Super-cool ways to show them YDGAF]

The sooner you get back to lazing on the couch, checking your Instagram while he watches TV, the better. On the other hand, you may find you start to develop a callous hatred for your ex, especially if they are the one who called it quits. If this is the case…

2. Get a Social Life

When you live with your ex, it’s going to seem a lot harder to get over them, especially if you didn’t want the relationship to end in the first place.

This makes it all the more necessary for you to get back out there, maintain a social life, and come back to the conclusion that you kick ass and were likeably charming before your ex was ever attached to your hip. [Read: Most common post-breakup habits to avoid]

3. Expect That Sooner or Later, One of You Will Move On

Even if you’re the one who ended things, it may still come as a shock to you when your ex starts seeing someone new. Even if you didn’t want him anymore, it’s always weird to see your ex with a new lover, plus the fact that he got over you so quickly may start to irk you. Just remember that these are the necessary steps needed for both of you to move on. [Read: Most common post-breakup mistakes you should never do]

4. Make Your Home Neutral Ground

If indeed you have both begun dating again, make it a house rule that no new lover is to come over – ever. If you’re in need of a shag or some snuggle-time, go to your new mate’s house instead.

Ignoring this rule will only bring up hurt feelings and create super awkward situations for everybody involved. [Read: Self love secrets after a break up & ways to raise your broken self-esteem]

5. Set Boundaries

Are you trying to stay friends, or at least pretending to, until one of you can find an apartment? Then it’s important that you set boundaries with each other.

Are you still going to be sharing the same bed? Most would advise against this practice, as physical contact tends to muddle these situations.

Ground rules must be set, such as no more mutual showers, absolutely *no* breakup sex, no getting drunk together, and no romantic movie nights, etc. Remaining buddy-buddy is fine, mature even, but make it clear that continuing any remotely semi-romantic behavior is only going to confuse things, and make your living together that much harder. [Read: 48 must-knows & truths to date your ex again & give love a second chance]

6. Discuss Money Matters Immediately

Now that you’ve decided to live with your former lover, you need to get that awkward money situation out of the way with ASAP. Likely, you already divvied up who pays what when you first moved in together, but you may have been taking some of the extra brunt on account of you loving that person.

Split the bills 50/50, or according to paychecks, and discuss how your grocery situation is going to work. Is he buying his own food? Will you still do communal hauls? Should he stay away from your chip-stash? These are definitely issues that need to be worked out post-breakup.

7. Create Personal Space

In a living situation with your ex, personal space becomes a sanctuary. If possible, rearrange the living quarters so that each of you has a personal area that is solely yours.

This might mean turning a spare room into a bedroom or setting up a space where you can relax alone. Having a place to retreat to when you need privacy or time to process your emotions is crucial. [Read: How to know when to give someone space: Signs they’re sick of you]

8. Develop New Routines

Your old routines as a couple won’t work anymore. Establish new routines that respect each other’s space and schedules.

For example, if you used to have coffee together every morning, consider adjusting your schedule so each has their own time in the kitchen. It’s about finding a rhythm that lets you coexist without constant interaction.

9. Limit Interactions to Essentials

To avoid unnecessary awkwardness, try to limit your interactions to essential communication. This could be about shared bills, house maintenance, or any other practical matter.

Reducing small talk helps in maintaining a more neutral environment and reduces the chances of conflicts.

10. Maintain Respect and Civility

Regardless of the circumstances of your breakup, maintaining a level of respect and civility is key. Let’s be real, there’s a huge chance that one or both of you might harbor some negative feelings toward each other, at least for now. It’s natural, but it’s crucial not to let these emotions dictate your behavior. [Read: Friends with an ex: 56 reasons, signs when it’s okay or not & more secrets!]

Avoid negative talk about each other, both in private and in public. This helps in creating a less charged atmosphere at home and makes living together more bearable. Keeping things respectful and civil can significantly reduce the tension, making this transitional phase easier for both of you.

11. Practice Self-Care

Taking care of your emotional and physical well-being becomes even more essential when you’re still living with an ex. The very fact that you have to share the same space, whatever the reason may be, can be cortisol-inducing, adding an undercurrent of stress to your daily life.

In these circumstances, engaging in activities that you love becomes vital. Whether it’s exercise, meditation, pursuing a new hobby, or just finding time for yourself, it’s important to prioritize self-care.

12. Avoid Bringing Dates Home

Out of respect for each other’s feelings, agree to not bring new romantic interests into the home. Seeing an ex with someone else can be painful and can create an uncomfortable living situation. If you’re dating, it’s better to go out or spend time at your date’s place. [Read: 60 best free date ideas to have a romantic time without spending money]

13. Use Mediation if Necessary

As we mentioned earlier, there’s a huge chance that post-breakup, feelings between you and your ex might be a bit strained, to say the least. And if that’s the case, there’s also a significant chance that you won’t see eye to eye on several matters.

Be it dividing up household chores, handling finances, or deciding who gets to use the living room on Friday nights, disagreements can escalate quickly in an emotionally charged atmosphere. If you find it hard to agree on these things, don’t hesitate to seek mediation.

Bringing in a neutral third party can be a game-changer, helping you navigate through these tough conversations. Mediation can provide the necessary buffer and guidance to resolve issues calmly and constructively, which can be invaluable in such situations.

14. Prepare for the End of the Living Arrangement

Start planning your exit strategy because let’s face it, you don’t plan to live with your ex forever, do you? Whether it’s saving money, looking for a new place, or figuring out logistics, preparing for the time when one of you will move out can provide a sense of direction and hope. [Read: Steps to break up with someone you live with & move out in peace]

15. Seek External Support

Sometimes, talking to friends, family, or a therapist can provide a much-needed outside perspective. They can offer emotional support, practical advice, and a listening ear. Remember, it’s okay to seek help when you’re navigating the complexities of living with an ex.

Bonus Rules: What If You Have Kids?

If you happen to have procreated with your now-ex and are still living together post-breakup, there are a whole new list of rules you should abide by.

1. Reassure Your Children That it Isn’t Their Fault

This one seems like an after-school special, but believe it or not, children of all ages often blame themselves for their parents’ dismal relationship, and retain guilt over this for years.

2. Don’t Fight in Front of the Kids

Easier said than done, I know, but I know plenty of adults whose parents went through a divorce who admit to seeing their parents fighting in front of one another.

Getting the child involved in the drama of the breakup can leave them emotionally scarred in one way or another. [Read: Questions you need to ask before seeking a divorce]

3. Don’t Use Your Children as Leverage

So you’ve left your ex, and you understandably begin a strong dislike of them. Don’t let this cloud your judgement as a parent! Your issues with your ex involve you and you alone, not your children.

There’s no reason to sabotage their relationship with their parent, just because your relationship with him or her is over.

4. Remain United as Parents

Yes, you can’t stand your ex. But it’s important for the emotional wellbeing and growth of your child that he or she still sees you as a united front: as parents who agree and make decisions regarding their children together. [Read: Breakup advice: 22 things to do after a breakup to feel great & hate less!]

Why Exes End Up Living Together

You’d probably imagine that after breaking up, the next logical step is to part ways physically. However, it’s not always packing up and moving out.

Many find themselves in the unexpected scenario of living with an ex for reasons beyond just emotions. Here are ten compelling reasons why exes might still share a living space:

1. Financial Constraints and Housing Affordability

The most common reason is financial practicality. Maintaining separate households can be economically challenging, especially in cities with high living costs. For many, continuing to live with an ex is a financial necessity rather than a choice.

2. Lease Agreements and Legalities

Breaking a lease can be expensive and complicated. Often, exes who are still living together are bound by a lease they both signed, making it difficult for one party to leave without incurring significant costs or legal complications. [Read: Dealing with divorced parents at your wedding]

3. Co-parenting and Child-Related Considerations

For those with children, choosing to live together post-breakup can be a decision made in the children’s best interest. It allows for a stable home environment and consistent parenting, which can be beneficial for the kids’ emotional well-being.

4. Delayed Emotional Detachment or Hope for Reconciliation

Yeah, we said what we said about planning your exit and moving forward, and you know it’s true. But let’s be real for a moment: Sometimes, one or both individuals in this situation aren’t emotionally ready to fully let go. There might be a lingering hope for reconciliation, or at the very least, a real struggle to detach from the intimacy and familiarity that the relationship once offered.

This isn’t uncommon, and it’s a crucial part of the emotional landscape to acknowledge. It’s important to be honest with yourself about these feelings. Recognizing and addressing them can be the key to truly moving on, whether that means rekindling the relationship or finding the strength to finally close this chapter. [Read: 32 truths to emotionally detach from someone & not feel hurt anymore]

5. Social and Communal Ties

Shared social circles and community obligations can make it awkward or challenging to separate completely. Living together can be a way to maintain mutual friendships and community connections without the added strain of explaining a breakup.

6. Logistical Convenience

For some, the logistics of finding a new place, moving out, and setting up a new household are overwhelming. The convenience of maintaining the status quo, despite the changed relationship dynamic, can be a significant factor.

7. Health or Medical Reasons

If one partner is dealing with health issues, the other might stay to provide support and care. This can be particularly true in cases where the illness or condition developed during the relationship.

8. Fear of Change or the Unknown

Facing the unknown taps into a fundamental psychological principle known as the familiarity principle or the mere-exposure effect. This theory suggests that people develop a preference for things merely because they are familiar with them.

In the context of ending a long-term relationship, this preference becomes glaringly evident. The home you shared with your ex, the routines you built together, and the daily interactions, however minor, all become ingrained in your comfort zone.

So, when faced with the prospect of leaving this familiar setting for something new, it’s natural to feel apprehensive.

9. Shared Business or Professional Interests

What’s worse than having a failed relationship? Try mixing in a shared business into the equation. For couples who are also business partners, the stakes are even higher.

It might be more practical to continue living together to manage their shared professional interests effectively, especially if their business is home-based. Imagine having to negotiate who gets the home office each day or synchronize your business calls so they don’t clash.

So, not only are you dealing with the aftermath of a romantic breakup, but you’re also in a situation where your financial well-being could hinge on how well you manage to cohabit and cooperate.

10. Cultural or Family Expectations

In some cases, cultural or family pressures can heavily influence the decision to continue living together post-breakup. There may be stigma or disapproval associated with moving out immediately after a breakup, particularly in certain cultures or traditional family structures. [Read: Cross culture romance: 40 secrets to have a happy intercultural relationship]

This pressure is often amplified when children are involved, as maintaining a semblance of a nuclear family is seen as paramount. Couples may choose to maintain a shared living situation not only for their own appearances but also to provide a stable family environment for their children.

This Phase is Temporary

Living together post-breakup isn’t easy, in fact, it can be downright heart-wrenching, or just plain annoying. Stay calm, cool, collected, and respectful of your former mate, and you’ll be able to keep the upper hand in the situation until you can find your own separate abodes.

Navigating the dynamics of living with an ex requires a blend of emotional intelligence, practical adjustments, and a strong sense of self-awareness. By keeping the focus on mutual respect and clear communication, you can maintain a balanced environment.

[Read: Steps to break up with someone you love & the right things you MUST say]

Remember, this phase is temporary, and with the right approach, living with ex can be a manageable, albeit challenging, chapter in your life’s journey.

The post 29 Golden Rules of Living With Ex For That Drama-free Set Up is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

Date Venues Guys Pick: 35 Places & What They Say About His Feelings For You

Curious about how guys choose date venues for your first official date? Here’s our insight into the reasons behind the date venues guys pick.

The date venues guys pick are a deciding factor in how your relationship starts. Romantic settings are always the best choices for people who are serious about their dates. Casual locations suggest a reluctance to commit until your date is sure that you’re as sincere as they are.

A lot of times, however, the place he chooses isn’t what matters. The person you’re with and how they treat you is what’s really important. Still, it won’t hurt to know why your partner chose the location of your first date. The reasons can even be amusing, at times. [Read: 20 ways to make your man realize your worth in the relationship & value you]

The Psychology Behind Choosing a Date Venue

When it comes to dating, the choice of a first date venue might seem like a minor detail, but trust us, it’s far from trivial. It’s like unlocking a secret code to someone’s personality, without them even realizing it.

Every time a guy picks a place for a date, whether he’s conscious of it or not, he’s giving you a little sneak peek into his mind and what he’s all about. It’s not just random; there’s a whole lot of psychology simmering beneath that decision.

Let’s start with the basics: personal preferences and comfort zones. We all have our favorite hangouts, right? The places where we feel most at home. When a guy chooses one of these spots for a date, it’s like he’s inviting you into his world. It’s comfortable, familiar.

But here’s the catch – is he playing it too safe? Sticking to his comfort zone could be a sign he’s not ready to venture out into something new, including a serious relationship.

Now, let’s talk about social and cultural influences. You know how we’re all a bit influenced by what’s trendy or what our friends think is cool? That’s a big factor in date venues guys pick.

If he’s taking you to the latest hot spot, it might mean he cares a lot about keeping up appearances and what others think. But on the flip side, it could also mean he’s trying to impress you, showing that he’s in tune with what’s current and exciting. [Read: How guys flirt: 25 subtle things guys do to impress a girl]

Moving on to the connection between venue choice and personality traits. This is where it gets interesting. Is he the adventurous type choosing an outdoor hike, or the artsy guy opting for a quiet visit to an art gallery? The venue can be a mirror reflecting parts of his personality.

Adventurous spots might mean he’s spontaneous and fun-loving, while a more subdued, intellectual setting could hint at a deeper, more introspective side.

Finally, there’s the bit about intentions and seriousness. Ever thought about what it means when he picks a fancy restaurant compared to just a casual coffee shop? The former might scream ‘I’m serious and I want to impress you’, while the latter could be saying ‘I’m here for a relaxed, real conversation’. [Read: 49 signs he wants a serious, exclusive & committed relationship with you]

Each place holds a clue about what he’s looking for in the relationship, whether it’s something casual or he’s in it for the long haul.

What Does His Chosen First Date Location Say About Him?

When it comes to first dates, the venue can be quite telling. Of course, we’re not here to generalize—everyone is unique in their own way. However, there can be subtle hints about his personality and intentions based on where he decides to take you.

1. Expensive Restaurants

Only two kinds of guys will choose an expensive restaurant for a first date, and only one of them can afford it. He’s either very rich or very whipped.

Taking you to an expensive restaurant shows that they’re willing to shell out this much dough for succeeding dates in your relationship. Whichever of the two it may be, it might still mean you’re dating an overcompensating schmuck.

2. Casual Diner

It’s so ordinary that it could be considered cool. The casual setting allows you to let your guard down, so you can enjoy your night without any pressure. Either that, or you’re just stuck with a good, old-fashioned cheapskate. [Read: What does casual dating mean to a guy: Are you about to be hurt?]

3. A Vegetarian/Vegan Restaurant

A guy might choose a vegetarian or vegan restaurant for your date for a couple of reasons: a) it’s your preference, b) he’s passionate about healthy living and sustainability, or c) he might just be a bit of a hippie. Either way, this choice suggests he’s thoughtful about food and possibly conscious of his impact on the environment. It also shows that he’s open to different dining experiences and respects dietary preferences.

But hey, even if you’re not a vegan, give the food a try—you might be surprised by how good it actually is. Who knows? You could end up discovering a new favorite dish, and at the very least, you’ll get to enjoy a meal that’s probably a little healthier than your usual go-to.

4. Amusement Parks

The guy who will take you to an amusement park has a very obvious playful side. He probably knows that you’ll have more unadulterated fun in an active setting like that. [Read: 80 very unique, fun and exciting things to do with your boyfriend]

5. A Regular Park

The walk-in-the-park guy is probably sensitive and down-to-earth. He is also a romantic who enjoys the simple things in life. A walk in the park seems inexpensive, but there are so many things to do in the big city parks.

There are lots of food options, as well as extra-curricular activities for you and your date to try. Although, there’s a slim chance that your date probably lives in said park if he thinks that it’s a good location for a first date.

6 A Different Country

Remember when Monica of F.R.I.E.N.D.S. and one of her boyfriends went on their first date to an Italian restaurant in Rome? If your date takes you on a date like that, you’re probably dating Jon Favreau.

Men like these are part of the very elite 0.1%. They either own a huge company or a company that owns huge companies. A first date in Canada and Mexico don’t count if you live within 100 miles of those countries.

7. International Cuisine

Ah, an adventurer! A guy who takes you to places that serve exotic dishes probably loves experiencing new things. Your travel itinerary will never be boring when you’re dating someone who loves trying foreign food.

If it turns out that he’s not as adventurous as you thought, he probably just really liked the specials and was too shy to ask if you preferred to get takeout instead. [Read: Romantic dinner date ideas: 17 fun dates you both will never forget]

8. Their Parent’s House

Awww, now isn’t this sweet? He wants you to meet his parents! This guy clearly knows what he wants and isn’t afraid to take a serious step right away. Inviting you into his family circle from the very first date is a bold move that screams commitment.

But hold up— while it might seem like he’s really into you, it’s pretty unusual to introduce a date to the parents this soon. Is he just super serious about relationships, or is he rushing things? Either way, it’s worth considering if you’re comfortable with this level of eagerness right from the start.

9. Bars

It can be a good sign because it shows that a guy is willing to be real with you. He likes going to bars, so he’ll take you to a bar. You can relax, and enjoy talking to each other in an easy setting.

There are lots of food options like onion rings, cheese sticks, and whatnot. And lucky you if the bar serves Pigs in a Blanket! Also, you might be dating an alcoholic, but hey, free shots!

10. Pubs

A European bar. There’s a possibility that your date might be sporting his own Pig in a Blanket.

11. Clubs

Your date loves the party scene, but he also wants to experience it with you. He lives for the night, but he’s not a vampire. You’ll end up spending the night together, but it’s not what you think. [Read: Sleeping over at his place? 25 first time must-knows & tips to do it right]

You’ll leave the club as morning seeps through the sky. Bonus points if he takes you somewhere with a good view of the sunrise. If he only calls you for club meet ups, however, he’s probably a promoter, and your name helps him get his quota.

12. A High School Prom

It’s cute, it’s nostalgic and it’s free – unless there are tickets involved. Your date knows how to surprise you with quirky dates like this, and he knows that proms are the prime place to get free booze. Just make sure that you check their driver’s license, and see if they’re not part of the curriculum.

13. A Palace

He might be a part of the royal entourage or has enough connections to get you into a high-security location like this one. Who cares? Your first date is in a palace!

A guy like this will probably treat you like a princess because he hangs out with the likes of princesses and princes. He can also be either Prince Harry, or he scored you both killer tour group tickets.

14. A Castle

He’s a prince from the past who’s looking for a maiden he can take home to his dying father, the king. That would be so cool, but the best you can hope for is that this guy’s from old money, and he’s not shy about showing you his roots. Either that or like we said before: killer tour group tickets. [Read: Prince Charming traits that make girls swoon]

15. A Coffee Shop

They’re pretty tame, but it’s a nice place for you to get to know each other because the seats are comfy, and the decor makes you feel like the ten-dollar cup of coffee is worth it.

The guy who takes you to a place like this is probably wary of taking you out somewhere fancy because he doesn’t know if you’re really into him. If that isn’t the case, he’s probably a basic bro who knows the whole coffee menu by heart. Don’t forget to ask for recommendations.

16. A Milk Tea Shop

Hipster basic bro. Period.

17. His Place

Oh, you know how this ends. The guy who suggests going to his place is only in it for the booty. But sometimes they can surprise you. They might not have any nefarious plans and just want you to meet their cat?

18. Your Place

The guy who takes you to your own place is someone who YOU asked out for the sole reason of showing him your own cat. Either that, or you were just really, really horny.

19. A Stable

This guy’s a billionaire in the making. He has dark hair, and intensely blue eyes, and always wears his shirts with the top buttons undone. His hair might be long or short, depending on how you like it.

He will only go out with you if you’re an innocent heiress who spends an inordinate amount of time in the stable he works in.

You will have a passionate love affair that ends with your father taking you somewhere halfway around the world. When you return, that guy will be the richest man on earth, and you’ll live happily ever after.

20. Skype

His name is either Nev or Max, and they’re the hosts of a popular TV show on MTV. [Read: 34 best virtual date ideas, must-knows & where most people go wrong online]

21. Bowling

He has no originality or any qualms about using rented shoes that have been worn by hundreds of other people. He will show you a good time and will probably dump you if you bowl a turkey.

Don’t worry. The next date will go better because he’s going to take you to an ice-skating rink!

22. The Beach

He’s either a surfer or someone who grew up in Southern California. He wants you to experience the serene and calming effect that the sea has on him.

He wants you to be one with the waves, and he’s itching to see you in a bikini… But you brought a rash guard instead.

23. A Concert

This guy either really likes you or he really likes the band. He wants to impress you with his musical tastes, but he probably won’t care if your legs give out because “You’re not supposed to sit in a concert!”

If you’re rolling in the VIP section, good for you. If he got you nosebleed seats, urge him to play Spotify on your date instead. [Read: Dating an artist: 31 traits of a creative person & must-knows to date them]

24. A Karaoke Bar

He’s either from Southeast Asia or he’s got a really, really good voice. This guy wants to impress you and endear you.

He has a song lined up to make you feel awkward and warm and fluffy inside, all at the same time. He also signed you up to sing “Endless Love” with him.

25. The Perfect Location

Even if you’ve experienced lots of first dates in the locations mentioned above, none of it would matter if you spent that time with someone you really liked.

The perfect first date location is anywhere that you feel comfortable with. It’s the only place where you’ll start to feel those initial sparks that will signal the start of a loving relationship. [Read: 21 girl code rules for dating all women MUST know to enjoy the game]

26. Art Museum or Gallery

Choosing an art museum or gallery shows he’s got a taste for culture and enjoys deep, thoughtful conversations. This kind of setting is perfect for wandering and talking, giving both of you a chance to dive into each other’s perspectives and preferences in art.

It suggests he values creativity and intellect, and is likely looking for a partner who shares these interests. It’s a subtle way of showing he’s interested in more than just a casual hangout, aiming for a connection that’s both intellectually and emotionally stimulating.

27. Cooking Class

Opting for a cooking class indicates he’s into trying new things and values shared experiences. This choice shows he’s not afraid of a little teamwork, and he’s interested in creating something together, which can be a metaphor for building a relationship. [Read: Foodie dates: Trendy dinner ideas for new couples]

It’s an intimate setting that requires cooperation and can lead to playful and memorable moments. A guy who chooses this venue enjoys learning and is open to new experiences, looking for a partner who’s willing to step out of their comfort zone alongside him.

28. Hiking or Nature Trail

Choosing a hike or a walk through a nature trail suggests he’s an outdoor enthusiast who values physical activity and nature. It’s a setting that strips away urban distractions, allowing both of you to connect more deeply with each other and the world around you.

This venue shows he’s health-conscious, down-to-earth, and enjoys the simpler things in life. It also hints at a desire for meaningful conversation, away from the typical hustle and bustle of city life.

But girl, use your gut feeling and make sure he’s trustworthy before heading off into the wilderness with him. Better yet, consider going with a group or picking a well-populated trail—because no matter how romantic it sounds, safety always comes first.

29. Bookstore or Library

If he suggests meeting up at a bookstore or library, he’s likely an intellectual type who enjoys reading and learning. It is perfect for calm, introspective conversations and can give insights into each other’s interests and personalities based on book choices.

It’s a low-key, pressure-free environment, suggesting he’s more interested in connecting mentally and finding common intellectual ground. [Read: Dating a bookworm like you’re in a romance novel]

30. Wine Tasting

A wine tasting date indicates a taste for the finer things in life and an interest in sophisticated, sensory experiences. It’s a classy setting that requires a bit of knowledge about wine, suggesting he’s knowledgeable or at least appreciates good wine and good company.

Booking wine tasting for your first date reflects a certain level of maturity and a desire for a date that’s a bit more upscale than casual, but still relaxed in nature.

31. Planetarium or Observatory

If he’s into stargazing at a planetarium or observatory, it shows he has a sense of wonder and possibly a scientific or philosophical streak.

This unique choice indicates he’s thoughtful and enjoys sharing awe-inspiring experiences. It’s a romantic setting that encourages intimate conversation under the stars, suggesting a dreamy and contemplative nature.

Let’s be honest, how many times do you get invited to an observatory date? This rare and intriguing choice definitely sets the stage for a night that’s as memorable as it is unique.

32. Escape Room

An escape room date? Oh, he’s definitely got a playful side. This guy enjoys a good challenge and wants to see how well you two can work together under pressure—because nothing says romance like being locked in a room with a countdown clock ticking away.

It’s a fun way to break the ice without the awkwardness of a traditional sit-down dinner where you’re just staring at each other, trying to think of what to say next. [Read: Easy ways to avoid awkward silences during a date]

Plus, let’s be real, an escape room is a solid excuse to get a little closer—whether it’s huddling over a clue or “accidentally” brushing hands while unlocking a door. If he’s picking this for a first date, he’s probably fun, a little competitive, and secretly hoping you’ll make a great teammate in more ways than one.

33. Live Theater or Opera

How often do you get invited to a live theater or opera for a first date? If he picks this, he’s got a taste for the arts and wants to share a more refined, cultural experience with you. He’s willing to invest time *and probably a decent amount of money* into something meaningful, which says a lot about his personality and what he values in a partner.

The downside? If you’re not into theater or opera, you might find yourself struggling to stay engaged—or worse, fighting off sleep while he’s completely mesmerized by the performance. So, if this isn’t your thing, you might want to prep with some caffeine and an open mind!

34. Aquarium

If he picks this, he’s probably the kind of guy who enjoys a laid-back, unique experience over the usual dinner or coffee. There’s something about walking through glowing tanks of jellyfish and watching sea creatures float around that makes conversation flow a little easier. He might be a nature lover, a bit of a dreamer, or just someone who appreciates a calm, low-pressure setting.

This kind of date also gives him plenty of chances to be playful—maybe he’ll make up funny backstories for the fish or try to impress you with a random shark fact.

35. Historical Site or Landmark

He’s probably a historian or the reincarnated soul of an ancient philosopher—kidding aside, this can actually make for a pretty interesting date. If he picks a historical site or landmark, he’s likely someone who values knowledge and enjoys diving into stories from the past. It’s a unique choice that can spark deep conversations and give you both something to explore together.

Whether he’s passionate about history or just loves a good sightseeing adventure, this kind of date suggests he’s curious, thoughtful, and looking for meaningful experiences. Plus, if nothing else, you might walk away with some fun facts to casually drop into future conversations! [Read: Dating someone smarter than you? 40 highs, lows & must-knows to keep up]

Venue Choices and Relationship Predictions

We’re no fortune tellers, but let’s have a little fun speculating, shall we? When it comes to deciphering what date venues guys pick, it’s almost like getting a sneak peek into the crystal ball of your potential relationship.

So, let’s break it down and see what these choices might whisper about the future of your budding romance.

1. High-Energy Venues *Concerts, Festivals*

When a guy chooses a high-energy venue like a concert or a festival, it’s a pretty good sign he’s all about fun and thrives in social settings. This choice points to a personality that’s extroverted, loves to be surrounded by people, and enjoys the buzz of a lively atmosphere.

If you’re into someone who’s the life of the party and can make any outing an adventure, this is your guy. The potential relationship could be filled with spontaneous plans and exciting outings.

However, keep in mind, that if you’re someone who prefers quiet, intimate settings, this might be a signal of differing lifestyle preferences. [Read: Can an introvert date an extrovert? How to balance the two worlds]

2. Intimate Settings *Cooking Class, Picnic*

Opting for an intimate setting like a cooking class or a picnic is a strong indicator that he’s interested in building a personal connection. It shows he values quality time and is likely to be more thoughtful and attentive in a relationship.

These settings create opportunities for deeper conversations and meaningful interactions, away from the distractions of a typical date environment. It suggests that he’s serious about getting to know you and is comfortable with closeness and vulnerability.

If you’re looking for a relationship where emotional intimacy and personal sharing are priorities, this could be a promising sign.

3. Trendy or Unique Spots *Escape Room, Speakeasy Bar*

When he picks a trendy or unique spot, it’s like a billboard saying he loves to keep things interesting and is keen on making a good impression. This reflects a creative spirit and someone who’s not afraid to think outside the box. It’s likely he’s up for trying new things and enjoys experiences that are out of the ordinary.

In a relationship, you can expect this kind of guy to keep surprising you and keep the spark alive with his innovative ideas. However, keep an eye out to see if this creativity is just surface level or if it translates into deeper aspects of his personality and your potential relationship. [Read: Dating an artist: 31 traits of a creative person & must-knows to date them]

4. Home-Cooked Meal

If he invites you over for a home-cooked meal, it’s a heartwarming sign he’s willing to put in the effort and show you a more personal side of himself. It’s all about comfort, intimacy, and a willingness to open up his personal space to you.

It indicates a desire for a genuine connection and shows that he values nurturing and caring for someone he’s interested in.

In terms of a relationship, this choice suggests he might be the type to prioritize cozy nights in and value the simple, heartfelt moments over grand gestures. It’s a sign of someone who’s comfortable with intimacy and is open to letting you into his world.

Focus on the Date

Half the reasons up here were written in jest, but half of them are basically true. Guys have different tastes and passions, so it’s understandable that some of them will take you to surprising first-date locations.

[Read: What to do on a first date to make it special and super-memorable]

The important thing to remember is that you should focus more on your date, rather than the date venues guys pick.

The post Date Venues Guys Pick: 35 Places & What They Say About His Feelings For You is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

Why Do I Miss My Ex: Why You Miss Them & 41 Ways to Forget Them for Good

Your ex was unforgettable—or just great in bed! Wondering, “Why do I miss my ex?” More importantly, how can you forget them for good?

You may feel like a total loser for still missing your ex, but trust us, you are not alone. It’s a common question people ask themselves: “Why do I miss my ex?” Even if it’s been years since the two of you snowballed from lover-ville to splitz-ville, there are completely legit reasons you could be missing that bastard. It’s a natural part of the post-breakup experience, and understanding these reasons can help you make sense of your feelings.

For one, he was sweet. He always grabbed coffee for you in the morning, he knew your innermost thoughts, he made you laugh, he gave you tickle fights, he had amazing taste in music, and he also had that insatiable ability to make anything fun – even waiting to get blood drawn.

On the flip side, your ex may have been a total a-hole, but there were still definite perks to having him around. For starters? He fixed things, his shirts were inhumanly comfortable to sleep in, he cooked, he owned an X-box, paid for meals, and he had that sleek car you pretended not to care about *but it secretly made you feel like a badass*. [Read: Dating a jerk: 37 signs, the psychology & the best ways to deal with assholes]

The Psychology of Missing Someone

Before we dive further, let’s talk about that nagging feeling of emptiness. You know, the one where you think your ex could fill it despite knowing better. Why do you miss your ex so much? It’s not just about nostalgia or loneliness; there’s a whole psychological play behind it.

First up, there’s Attachment Theory, courtesy of John Bowlby. This theory helps us understand why your reactions post-breakup can feel so intense.

Depending on whether your attachment style is secure, anxious, or avoidant, your emotional responses can vary widely. If you’re anxiously attached, for example, the end of a relationship might hit you harder, making you wonder, “Why do I miss my ex this much?” [Read: Avoidant attachment style: The types, 32 symptoms & how to love one]

Then, there’s the tricky business of memory and idealization. It’s like your brain selectively remembers all the good times and conveniently forgets the not-so-great moments.

This rose-tinted view of your past relationship can leave you longing for what was, making you think that nobody else can measure up. It’s one of the reasons you miss your ex – you’re missing a version of the relationship that might not have been entirely real.

And, oh, let’s not forget about those sneaky neurochemical factors. When you’re in love, your brain is buzzing with dopamine and oxytocin, creating those warm, fuzzy feelings.

After a breakup, your brain’s like a party venue after the guests have left – the feel-good chemicals drop, and you’re left with a longing for that emotional high. This withdrawal can have you yearning for your ex, thinking they were the only source of such happiness.

Legit Reasons For Missing Your Ex

So is it normal to miss your ex way after the fact? Yep, and we’ve got 8 reasons to prove it.

1. You Haven’t Found Somebody New

Move over ex-boyfriend, it’s time to make room for the rebound! Or… maybe not? If you haven’t yet rebounded from your ex with a new, fun, and shiny boy to look at, then you may be stuck missing him for a while.

If you’re not occupying your time with somebody new, or just playing around with a rebound, then you’ve found a pretty legit reason for missing your ex: boredom.

2. A Little *Good Morning Notes*

As humans, we love attention shown in ways big and small. One small gesture of affection that is definitely something that keeps you missing your ex is the way he would send you a little *good morning note* and an accompanying *goodnight note* every single day just letting you know that you are on his mind. [Read: Still in love with your ex: Ways to accept it is normal & let go of the past]

3. Inside Jokes With Your Ex

That moment when you find yourself smiling at something you know he would find hilarious, but you can’t even tell him about it. Ouch.

Inside jokes are one of the basic things that separate you and your mate from anyone else *and obviously all that sex*.

In the same way you can’t pass old hangout spots without missing your ex, random hilarity that reminds you of an inside joke with your ex is going to hurt like a mother. Never underestimate the crippling emotional power of an inside joke between you and your now ex.

4. He Thought About You

This is a great reason for missing your ex. There’s something to be said for being thought of throughout the day. This is undoubtedly one of the things that sucks the most after you break up with someone.

Suddenly, there’s no one else in the world who seems to care about all the little things you do throughout the day – like how you slightly changed up your Starbucks order, or the weird couple arguing behind you in line at checkout. [Read: 48 must-knows & truths to date your ex again & give love a second chance]

5. His Family Rocked Your Socks Off

In this case you may not be missing your ex, you might actually be missing his badass mom who openly talked about sex and always kept it real, or his hilarious dad who taught you to be a Ms. Fix-It in just the span of a few months.

If your ex-boyfriend had an awesome family, it may feel more like you’re breaking up with them all than just the douchebag you were actually dating. Especially in cases where you’re not emotionally or physically close to your own family, breaking up with your ex can contain a whole new level of disappointment and heartache.

6. He Was Great in Bed

What’s sex got to do with it? A lot, actually. If your boyfriend was a selfish ass in the sack, you’re going to have a much, much easier time getting over that jackass. That being said, if he was the king of clitoral stimulation and wouldn’t stop until you came… yikes. You’re in for a hard road ahead.

In the era of random hookups, a good lover who cares about both your emotional and physical needs between the sheets is pretty hard to find. If he knows what he’s doing with that clit, he’s a keeper. So obviously, if you end up losing that “keeper” you’re probably going to go through a mourning period, even if only for the sex! [Read: Are you jealous of your ex?]

7. Shared Dreams and Goals

You two had built a world of dreams together. Whether it was traveling the globe or opening a cafe, these shared aspirations can linger in your heart, making you miss your ex. It’s not just about losing a person, but also the future you had envisioned together.

Each plan you made and every dream you shared added another layer to your bond. Now, when you think about those unfulfilled plans, it brings a sense of loss, a yearning for what could have been. It’s these abandoned dreams and shared goals that keep the thought of your ex lingering in your mind.

8. They Were Your Go-To Support System

Whenever life threw lemons, your ex was there to make lemonade. Now, when challenges arise, you might find yourself instinctively wanting to reach out to them, reminiscing about the support they offered. They were your sounding board, your comfort zone, and your crisis manager all rolled into one.

The loss of this support system can leave a significant void. It’s not just their presence you miss but the reassurance and stability they brought into your life. The role they played as your support system is a key reason you might find yourself missing your ex. [Read: Signs of a supportive partner who encourages you & your goals]

9. You Miss Being Understood

There’s comfort in being with someone who just gets you. If your ex was someone who understood your quirks and moods without much explanation, their absence might feel like a part of you is missing. It’s like losing a part of your communication puzzle.

Being understood like this is rare, and not having it anymore can feel disorienting. It’s the ease of being yourself without the need for explanations that you miss. This deep understanding and acceptance are often why you find yourself longing for your ex.

10. Their Quirks Grew on You

Remember how you used to find their obsession with weird documentaries annoying? Now, you catch yourself smiling at the thought. Sometimes, it’s the little idiosyncrasies of your ex that leave a lasting impression.

What once seemed irritating has now become endearing in their absence. It’s these unique traits that made your relationship special, and now they’re the things you miss. [Read: Unique traits that make a person trustworthy]

The quirks of your ex, which you once took for granted, have become treasured memories that you find yourself cherishing.

11. The Way They Made You Laugh

They had the magic recipe to make you laugh until your sides hurt. Why do you miss your ex? Maybe it’s those spontaneous bouts of laughter and the joy that came with them. The way they could turn a bad day into a good one with just a joke or a funny face is something you deeply miss.

Laughter is a powerful connector, and the absence of that shared joy can leave a noticeable gap in your life. It’s the laughter and lightness they brought into your daily routine that you find yourself longing for.

12. Your Mutual Friends

Hanging out with mutual friends can stir up memories. When friends mention your ex or you visit familiar hangouts, it can trigger feelings of nostalgia, making you miss what once was. These friends are living reminders of the times you shared, making it hard to move on.

It’s not just the person you miss but the social life and the shared experiences you had with them. Every gathering or mention of their name can reopen old wounds, reminding you of the connection you once had.

13. They Challenged You to Grow

If your ex played a role in your personal growth, you might miss how they pushed you to be better. It’s not just the person but the evolution they sparked in you that you’re longing for. They were like a catalyst for your personal development, constantly encouraging you to reach new heights.

In their absence, you miss that driving force, the challenge that spurred you on. The growth you experienced with them becomes a poignant reminder of their significance in your life. It’s this aspect of personal development and encouragement that can be a major reason for missing your ex. [Read: 27 secrets to focus on yourself, grow as a person & create your own sunshine]

14. The Comfort of Routine

Humans are creatures of habit. The daily routines you had with your ex, no matter how mundane, can create a sense of loss when they’re gone. From your morning coffee ritual to your weekend walks, these routines became ingrained in your life.

Breaking these habits can feel like losing a part of yourself. It’s the comfort and predictability of these shared routines that you miss. The disruption of this daily rhythm is a significant factor in why you find yourself longing for your ex.

15. Music and Movies You Shared

That band you both loved or the movie quotes you’d repeat to each other – these shared interests can evoke strong emotions and memories, making you miss your ex. Every song or film now carries a weight of nostalgia. It’s like each note or scene is a direct line to the memories you shared. [Read: 49 proven secrets to stop thinking about your ex & forget them for good]

You miss the shared excitement of discovering a new band or the comfort of watching a favorite movie together. These shared cultural experiences were a key part of your relationship, and now they’re reminders of what you’ve lost.

16. You Miss Being Someone’s “Person”

Being the first one they’d call with news or the one they’d turn to in a crisis – this special status is something you might find yourself missing deeply. You were their confidante, their partner, their go-to person in good times and bad.

Losing this role can feel like losing a part of your identity. It’s not just their presence you miss, but the sense of purpose and belonging that came with being their “person.” This loss of a special role in someone’s life is a profound reason for the emptiness you feel.

17. They Saw the Best in You

If your ex was your biggest cheerleader, their absence might leave a void. It’s natural to miss someone who believed in you, even when you didn’t believe in yourself. They helped you see strengths you didn’t know you had.

This kind of support is hard to come by, and its absence is keenly felt. You miss not just the person, but the way they made you view yourself. Their belief in you was a powerful force, and now that it’s gone, you feel its absence deeply. [Read: Absence makes the heart grow fonder: Why it’s good & when it can wander]

18. The Little Acts of Kindness

Those morning coffees they made just the way you like or the way they’d always text to check if you got home safe – it’s often these small acts of love that linger the longest. These gestures were the everyday expressions of their love and care for you.

Now, in their absence, you find yourself missing these small but significant tokens of affection. It’s not just the grand gestures but these minute, everyday acts that you find yourself longing for.

19. The Feeling of Belonging

Being part of a couple can give a sense of belonging. After a breakup, this loss of identity as a ‘we’ can be a big reason you find yourself missing your ex. You were part of a team, a unit, and now you’re navigating the world solo.

You miss the sense of partnership, the feeling of being part of something bigger than yourself. It’s this loss of shared identity and belonging that makes the absence of your ex so pronounced.

20. Their Passion and Ambitions

If you admired their drive and passion, whether for their career or hobbies, this admiration can turn into a form of longing after the relationship ends. You were inspired by their ambition and their zest for life.

Now, you miss being part of that energetic pursuit of goals. Their passion was contagious, and without it, your life might feel a bit duller. The admiration you had for their ambitions forms a significant part of why you miss your ex.

21. The Safety and Security They Provided

If your ex made you feel safe and secure, whether emotionally or physically, adapting to their absence can be challenging. This sense of security is often a significant factor in why you miss your ex. They were like a safe haven, a place where you felt protected and cared for. [Read: Key differences: Protective boyfriend or a controlling boyfriend?]

Now, without that sense of security, you might feel more vulnerable or exposed. You miss the comfort and assurance that came with having someone who made you feel safe. It’s the loss of this emotional and physical security that contributes significantly to why you miss your ex.

“I Miss My Ex!” How to Stop Missing Your Ex For Good

If you’ve been in love, you’ve been in this situation before. If you’re trying to figure out what to do to stop missing your ex, then we have you covered.

1. Get Rid of the Negativity

If you miss your ex, push past the negative feelings. Are you good enough? Did they even love you?

You need to stop it! These are all common questions to ask yourself at times like these, but the feelings tagging along with them can really do damage to how you feel. You cannot control all situations, and whatever happens, happens. [Read: Feeling unlovable? Life-changing truths you need to know]

2. Realize Your Feelings

You need to realize why you’re missing them. Is it because you really love your ex or is it simply because your ego is bruised? I used to call my exes and try to get their attention, not because I actually missed them, but because I wanted them to pay attention to me.

Okay, sure, maybe I sound like a jerk, but honestly, who likes it when no one is paying attention to them? It’s all about the ego in this case and that isn’t good for them or you. [Read: 24 Honest & sneaky reasons why your ex still texts & stays in touch]

3. Get Back Together

This is only if, and we mean if, you really want to be with them. Don’t get back together with them and realize you were actually wrong.

If you’re missing them after months, or even years, of not being with them, maybe you should think about reconsidering your relationship. [Read: 82 secrets & signs to get your ex back and get them to love you again]

If you’re missing them that much, maybe you actually did make a mistake. You can win them back. It’s possible. To get them back, though, you need to work on yourself and see the flaws you had within your relationship.

Try working on yourself and through that, show them you’re ready to try out the relationship again.

However, do not place all your eggs in one basket. Sometimes, things just run their course and trying to bring them back just prolongs the agony even further. [Read: 25 signs your ex wants you back & just can’t stop thinking of you]

4. Write Them Letters

But don’t send them! We repeat, don’t send them! Okay, send them one. If they reply, send them another. However, don’t become a stalker sending their ex weekly letters, with teardrops stained on perfumed letterhead.

This applies to emails as well. And texts. And any other method of communication.

This is more of a tool for you to express your feelings in a healthy way.

Write down every emotion, every thought you have so you don’t bottle everything up. Because eventually, you’ll snap, and nobody needs to feel that way.

5. Keep Yourself Busy

If “I miss my ex” is on repeat in your head, you need to keep yourself busy. What happens when you have time? You think. About what? Them. Yeah, exactly. Not the healthiest thing to do all day. [Read: 49 proven secrets to stop thinking about your ex & forget them for good]

Now, keeping yourself busy doesn’t mean staring at their Instagram or checking when they were last on WhatsApp.

Speaking from experience, it’s a bad way to spend the day. Stay focused on yourself. Go to the gym, join a club, go out with friends. You won’t be able to not think about them, but by keeping your days busy, you’ll reduce the opportunity to stroll down memory lane.

6. Think About You

Stop the sulking. If you’re missing your ex, either way, you need to establish yourself at number one. Why? Because if you’re not your number one, you’ll struggle to maintain a relationship and you’ll suffer in getting over your ex.

Do you want to get your ex back? If you don’t focus on yourself and make necessary changes in your behavior, your relationship will be the same as before.

Do you want to get over them? Then make a conscious effort to drive in the thought that it’s okay to miss them, and you will get over them. But what matters from now on is you, not someone you left behind for good.

If you miss your ex and sit at home pouting all day, they’ll see this as a dependency issue and that’s a red flag. Me, myself, and I. Say that out loud again. Me, myself, and I. [Read: 33 strong ways to stop loving someone & read the signs it’s time to walk away]

7. Give Them Space

No one wants to get back with someone who’s constantly checking on them. It’s like slowly being suffocated with a plastic bag. People like space.

You like your space when you’re on the bus or sitting on the toilet—so let your ex have theirs. However, we’ve said this before – don’t focus your entire healing journey on the possibility of getting them back. Go about your business, focus on yourself, and you know the line – what will be, will be.

8. Give Yourself Time

If you’re missing your ex, you need to give yourself time to heal. The quote, “time heals all wounds”, is really cliché, but it’s true. It may feel like forever, but you WILL get over this person sooner than you realize.

The truth is, clichés are clichés for a reason. [Read: All the best quotes you need while going through a breakup]

9. Keep Goals in Mind

If you find yourself missing your ex, use long-term goals to keep your mind off of them and to move forward with your life.

These goals could be educational goals or simply a goal to see your family more often. Find a goal that gives you purpose or joy. [Read: When you miss him – 20 mind tricks to stop missing the wrong guy]

10. Remove Reminders

If you find yourself really missing your ex, taking down the photo of you two from your fridge is a great start. And that teddy bear they gave you? And the necklace… oh, yeah, and handmade birthday card… just… yeah… How about we tuck those away for now?

Move anything visual around your house that reminds you of them. You don’t have to do some chanting and burn those things in a fire, just put them in a box and store them away. Or do the fire and chant. Whichever makes you feel better. [Read: Why your ex still crosses your mind from time to time]

11. Meet New People

You don’t have to join Tinder or have some sort of horrible string of one-night stands. If you do that, chances are, the grieving process will take even longer—except the swiping may be fun!

Hang out with friends and meet people when you go out, it doesn’t have to be a romantic connection, maybe someone you could catch a movie or grab an ice cream with. You know – a friend. [Read: Self-discovery after a breakup: How to happily move on]

12. Go to Therapy

There isn’t anything wrong with talking to someone. Actually, if you have talked about missing your ex to your friends, they’re probably exhausted with this topic. I’m sorry, but We’ve been that friend and you’ve been that friend — it’s not fun.

Speaking to a third party is a great way to receive unbiased advice and an outside opinion on the situation. Friends are fine and good, but they’re not therapists. Sometimes, the advice a friend gives you can be really far off the realistic mark!

13. Ask Your Friends Not to Talk About Them

If you have mutual friends with your ex, then bringing up their names in conversation will not make the grieving process any easier.

Let your friends know you don’t want to talk about your ex. If they’re your real friends, they’ll respect your request and wait for you to get over this hurdle. [Read: 40 signs to tell if your ex is over you or only pretending to have moved on]

14. Sweat It Out

Everyone says physical activity is a great way to get over someone, because it’s true. If you’re feeling stressed and anxious, the best thing you can do is to sweat.

This not only slowly puts you into tip-top shape, but it helps release your hormones and reduce your stress and anxiety levels. So, get that playlist ready and get that butt outside. [Read: 20 wild steps to get over a broken heart & heal like you don’t care]

15. Go Somewhere – Anywhere!

If your ex lives down the street from you, go on a holiday to get away from the constant reminder. Or move. But a holiday sounds nicer. It will also give you a break from reality and show you just how big the world really is. You might return from your trip with a whole new outlook on life and love.

16. Get a New Haircut

You know what they say, when you change your hair, you really mean business! This doesn’t mean you should go too drastic and shave your head just because that’s what the celebrities are doing.

Change your style to something you’ve always wanted to try but never really had the guts to go for. It will be a real confidence booster and you’ll turn heads for the right reasons! [Read: 48 real secrets to change your life & find the right path when you’re lost]

17. Flirt a Little

You might not feel like doing this at all. When you’re constantly thinking “I miss my ex”, the last thing you want to do is talk to someone else.

However, a little harmless flirting never hurt anyone and it can really build up your self-esteem after it’s taken a knock. Don’t mislead anyone or tell lies, just simply engage in a little friendly, harmless flirting and see how it makes you feel. [Read: Breakup advice: 22 things to do after a breakup to feel great & hate less!]

18. Learn Something New

Distracting your mind can be done in so many different ways, but learning a new skill is a great way to go about it. You’ll expand your skill set, keep your mind busy, and you might even meet lots of new friends at your evening class.

19. Focus on a Mantra

You know that you miss your ex but you also know it’s over. The only way through this is with a steel focus to your mind.

A mantra can help you stay on the positive side, when all you want to do is cry. “I am strong and fine on my own”. “I miss my ex but those feelings are valid. It’s in the past”.

These are just a couple of examples, but choose something that suits you and get repeating it whenever you feel your resolve wobbling. [Read: Mantras to live by: 21 positive mantras that will transform your life]

20. Spend Time With People Who Build You Up

It’s fine to spend time with people outside of your regular circle. At times like this, you need to be around people who build you up and make you feel strong. Think about who you regularly spend your time with, and ask yourself whether they make you feel good or drag you down.

You Are Not Crazy For Missing Your Ex

Alright, so you and your ex are no longer a thing, and he was a total dick-head… but he was also kind of awesome when he wasn’t being such a jerk. Long story short? You are not so crazy for missing your ex. In fact, you’re totally normal.

[Read: Still attached to your ex? 26 signs, why it happens & how to break free]

If you find yourself asking, “Why do I miss my ex?” know that it’s a question that pops up for many. It’s like your brain is on a nostalgia trip, often highlighting the good times and glossing over the not-so-great moments. Remember, missing your ex doesn’t mean you want them back. It’s part of the process of untangling your life and emotions from someone who was once a significant part of your world.

The post Why Do I Miss My Ex: Why You Miss Them & 41 Ways to Forget Them for Good is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.