How to Forget an Ex for Good: 14 Proven Ways to Happily Move On

Learning how to forget an ex isn’t easy. It doesn’t mean it’s impossible. Try out these 14 tips if you want to forget your ex and move on with your life.

I was never good at moving on from my past relationships. And when social media showed me how I could become the biggest stalker in the world, well, let’s just say I really worked on developing how to forget an ex.

I would spend hours examining posts, trying to decrypt the possible hidden messages, see if they were in pain over the breakup, missing every moment of my presence. Obviously, that was mostly my ego doing the social media stalking, but let’s save that for another day.

The point is forgetting an ex isn’t as easy as people think it is.

How to forget an ex – The little steps you need to take

If you were emotionally bonded with someone, you’re breaking that bond. You’re no longer a couple; you’re transitioning to strangers. It’s a weird transition to make, and that’s why it’s so hard to do.

[Read: The 9 step guide you need for how to get over a heartbreak]

Most of the time, it happens on a whim, and you’re left feeling displaced and shocked. But that doesn’t mean you won’t be able to move on. Yes, it’s a shock, and it’ll be hard, but it’s entirely doable. In other words, your life isn’t over, and you will find love again.

It’s time you moved on and learned how to get over an ex.

#1 Stop stalking. I know you want to see their social media and make sure they haven’t moved on yet. But, you need to stop stalking them. Delete them from all social media, and whatever apps you have them on. How can you move on if they’re constantly in your face? Stop stalking. [Read: The 10 quick pick-me-ups for the recently broken hearted] 

#2 Focus on yourself. Um, hello. You’re single now, which means you have all the time in the world to focus on yourself. Tis the season for self-care, and now, it’s time you practiced it. Find a new activity, spend time with your friends and family, or go for hikes. Focus on doing things you enjoy and make you happy.

#3 Get yourself busy. If you’re laying on the couch all day, your mind will be focused on them. You’ll be sitting there, thinking about how they laugh or why they dumped you. It’s not a good move. Instead, get yourself busy. Whether it’s work, school, or volunteering, fill your day up with activities. The less you think about them, the better. [Read: Letting go of your ex: 15 ways to make it easier] 

#4 Reflect on the breakup. There are two people in every relationship, meaning you have a responsibility in the relationship as well. It’s time for you to reflect on the relationship and see what went wrong. What were the things you did in the relationship? What should you work on for yourself?

#5 Think about the things you didn’t like. Every relationship has its ups and downs. There are things you liked about your partner and the relationship, and things you didn’t. During a breakup, we tend to only look at the good times. But this is when you should focus on the attributes you didn’t like. For your next relationship, you’ll be more aware of what you don’t want in a partnership.

#6 Hang out with your friends and family. Spend time with your support group as they’re the ones who will stand by you through the ups and downs. Listen to their advice and accept their love and support. And if you want to pull through, you’ll need those people around you. [Read: How to single after a long relationship – 16 steps to start over]

#7 Don’t force them out of your mind. When it comes to knowing how to forget an ex, if you try too hard to not think about them, it’s not going to work. It’ll do the opposite. Let yourself grieve; this isn’t a race. Grieving isn’t something you can control or force. If they’re on your mind, process these thoughts and feelings. With time, they’ll disappear on their own. 

#8 If you’re still sleeping together, stop. Yeah, I know you think that you can continue sleeping with them without having feelings, but that’s a fairytale. You’ll never be able to move on if you’re still intimate with your ex. The sex may be good, but you know what’s better? Moving on. [Read: What you need to hear if you’re sleeping with an ex]

#9 Grieve. Breaking up with someone is a grieving process. You no longer have your ex in your life, and it’s a transition. Give yourself the time to be emotional. Cry, scream, yell, get all your emotions out, and go through the process.

#10 Write your feelings down. Your friends and family will eventually get tired of talking about the breakup. This isn’t a bad thing. Really, there’s only so much other people can hear about it. So, write your feelings down, and get out everything that’s floating around in your mind. Just get it out.

#11 Don’t be friends with them. Yeah, I know you think you could be friends with them, but let’s get real here. It’s not going to happen, at least not right now. You can’t grieve and move on if you’re still hanging out with your ex-partner. So take a solid break from them, and when you feel you’ve moved on, then bring them back into your life. [Read: How to make up your mind when your ex wants to stay friends]

#12 Volunteer and give back. We underestimate the value of giving back. When we’re stuck in our heads, it’s hard to see the good things you have in your life. But volunteering will keep you busy and will direct your time and energy towards giving back.

#13 Plan a trip. Sometimes, you just need to get out of your environment to help you put things into perspective. And you don’t even need to travel the world. A weekend trip to the next town over can do wonders. Plus, a change of scenery can help you reflect and inspire you for the future. [Read: How to deal with heartbreak in a healthy way]

#14 Give yourself time to move on. When there’s a breakup, you want to move on as soon as possible. This is why we rebound and act like everything is okay. But in reality, you’re grieving. It’s going to take months for you to move on, and that’s okay. Give yourself time to move on.

[Read: These are the best books to read after you break up to begin your healing]

Understanding how to forget an ex isn’t something that can be done overnight. But, give yourself a little bit of time, and you’ll move on to greener pastures.

The post How to Forget an Ex for Good: 14 Proven Ways to Happily Move On is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

Tactics Tuesdays: Telling a Girl You're Disappointed in Her

I had a chat the other day with a friend who'd caught his long-time girlfriend in a big lie.

She had promised him before she would not lie to him about the thing.

Well, she did lie.

And my friend wasn't sure how to deal with it.

He's an easygoing guy. And his natural inclination was to be understanding, and not make it a huge deal.

Even though it was, in essence, a pretty important deal.

On the other hand, he also realized if he let his girlfriend's lie slide, it'd be the wrong call... and he'd only be kicking the can down the road to deal with later (possibly in a worse way).

When we talked, he'd made his mind up to angrily confront her. He'd confront her, summon up some fiery anger, tell her caught her lying, and put the fear of God in her. That was the plan. She had to feel she'd done wrong.

He knew he had to enforce some kind of stricture here, or else his girlfriend would run wild.

And yet... he felt the plan was off.

He just didn't know what else to do.

How to Recognize a Lack of Chemistry and Bring the Sparks Back

If you have a lack of chemistry with the person you’re dating, you know how it can feel.  I have good news, hope is not lost. Let’s get into chemistry.

When you like someone and enjoy their company but just aren’t feeling that spark, it can be a real downer. It can feel like you’ll stay stuck with this lack of chemistry and just never get there.

What really sucks about this is that there is nothing quantifiably wrong. It’s just a lack of chemistry between you. And even though we don’t like to admit it, chemistry in a relationship is important.

Without at least some chemistry, you have a friendship. There needs to be some sort of attraction, intimacy, and desire to form the bond of a romantic and sexual relationship.

But, just because you don’t feel it now, it doesn’t mean you never will. [Read: The signs of chemistry that reveal an instant connection]

Why is there a lack of chemistry?

Trying to form that spark when there is a lack of chemistry can feel forced and unnatural. But, figuring why there is a lack of chemistry can help you overcome whatever is holding you back.

First of all, is there a lack of chemistry just on your end or are both of you finding it hard to get to that next step?

If it is just you, figure out why you aren’t feeling it. But, if both of you are struggling with it, there has to be a conversation to figure it out and overcome it or end things.

In my experience, the major reason there might be a lack of chemistry is nerves. Nerves are almost always present in a new relationship. Whether this is someone you recently met or someone you’ve known for years, making that change and taking that step is scary. [Read: 15 signs of mutual sexual tension and how to handle the horniness]

The vulnerability of giving into strong chemistry can be intimidating and can bring up emotional struggles in your past. As a form of self-preservation, we shut down the part of ourselves that feels the chemistry.

If you can work through those fears and see this person separate from your past, you can create chemistry and have it thrive.

Another reason there may be a lack of chemistry is weirdness. Remember when Ross and Rachel first started dating on Friends, and she couldn’t stop laughing when they kissed? Even though they had great chemistry for the rest of the show she struggled making that change.

When you’ve been platonic friends with someone taking that jump into more than friends can feel more weird than passionate at first.

[Read: The real secrets to create chemistry that sticks and sizzles] 

Another reason many people struggle with a lack of chemistry is attraction. We all find different characteristics attractive. You may even have a type. Say you have only dated guys who are tall with dark hair and dark eyes. Well, your new guy is your height, with thinner hair and freckles.

At first, not being used to someone’s physical appearance can throw off how attracted you are to them. As much as looks don’t always matter, just something different can make you react in a way that lacks chemistry. But, I am sure you know that no matter how someone looks if the feelings are there, the chemistry will come in time. Remember Beauty and The Beast?

Can a lack of chemistry be fixed?

These are just some of the most common reasons there may be a lack of chemistry between you and your partner. But, each of them can be worked through.

Opposed to what many people believe, there does not need to be a spark for a relationship to prosper or thrive. You do not need to have wild and steamy chemistry from day one.

In fact, it is the friendship, trust, and companionship you can rarely forge later on. Chemistry, on the other hand, can be sprouted and grown later, sometimes even more successfully than if it were there from the beginning.

What you need before trying to fix a lack of chemistry is patience. It is unlikely that your partner will take you on one romantic date and all your passion will just form over the course of that evening. [Read: 60 get-to-know-you questions in a new romance]

In the movies, it tends to happen when someone loses what has been right in front of them all along. For instance, when someone’s best friend has been in love with them for years, but they never saw it until they got engaged to someone else.

In real life, jealousy and drama are not the most practical or even romantic ways to form chemistry between you and the person you so desperately want to have chemistry with. But I can tell you what will help. [Read: A true story about chemistry and sparks in romance]

What to do about a lack of chemistry

Creating chemistry with someone is not about forcing it. It isn’t about running into the bedroom and getting the awkwardness out of the way.

It is about building trust. And it is about having fun and going from unlit to a few sparks until the fire never burns out.

In fact, too much chemistry up front can blind you from red flags and cause for a catastrophe later on. Appreciate getting to know each other in a different way with more patience and compatibility. It can actually benefit your relationship in the long run.

#1 Take your time. Don’t rush things. Just because you may be used to a relationship with sparks flying left and right, it doesn’t mean that is the only way. You don’t need to kiss on the first date.

Just slowly get to know each other. Chemistry can form when you bond over things other than physicality. You may connect through childhood memories, a love for Harry Potter, or even the adrenaline of traveling. [Read: How to keep from moving too fast in a new relationship]

#2 Try not to worry about it. Don’t let this lack of chemistry cloud the rest of this relationship. Focus on what you do like about this person. Think about why you want there to be chemistry. Consider all the things that make them a good partner rather than the one thing you’re lacking.

#3 Forget about traditional attraction. I cannot say this enough but hotness does not equate to chemistry. You could go on a date with Chris Evans or Ariana Grande, and it could be the worst sex you’ve ever had. Try not to think about chemistry in regards to this person’s physical fitness or appearance.

#4 Make each other laugh. Laughter really is the best medicine for everything. And when there is a lack of chemistry, laughter can bring you together. Have you ever laughed so hard with someone you couldn’t breathe?

That feeling is so strong it foregoes your sanity for a moment. It isn’t worried about how you sound or look. Letting go of those things and just enjoying your time can create that spark. [Read: The 5 most important signs of relationship compatibility]

#5 Enjoy a new experience together. Trying something new with someone is a great way to connect on a deeper level. It doesn’t have to be anything crazy, but just going someplace new can ignite that spark. If you take all your dates to the same coffee place, try going out of your regular places.

#6 See a romantic movie together. Whether at home on the couch or in the theaters, seeing a romance movie with this person can ignite something between you. Sitting next to someone, cuddling them, or just holding their hand while the characters on screen are building this strong chemistry can help you feel it from each other. [Read: 15 naughty ways to spice up a relationship that feels like friendship]

#7 Do something physical. I don’t mean sex. But go work out together. Go for a hike. Take a couples yoga a class or get massages. These things let you experience physical chemistry with the other person that may not be sexual but definitely in the same family.

#8 Take baby steps. As I said you don’t need to rush into it. Take baby steps to form chemistry you’re both comfortable with. Hold hands, cuddle on the sofa, run your fingers through their hair. Give each other a massage. Sex does not have to be one thing that is good or bad.

Enjoy all the smaller moments of physical touch that could lead up to that. [Read: A guide on effective communication in a relationship]

#9 Take a risk. Doing something together that launches adrenaline can certainly create a bond between you that forms a lot of chemistry. Something like bungee jumping or skydiving may seem excessive but can really release the feelings you may have had buried.

[Read: 50 relationship questions to test your compatibility]

So, are you going to try to fix this lack of chemistry and go for it? Or would you rather walk away without giving it a real shot of building intimacy and chemistry?

The post How to Recognize a Lack of Chemistry and Bring the Sparks Back is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

Dollification: A Newbie Guide to Dolls, Arousal, and the Fetish

You played with Barbie dolls as a child, but who would have thought you would get turned on by dolls? Well, there’s a name for it—it’s called dollification.

When I was a kid, I loved to play with Barbie dolls. I’d cut their hair, dress them up, dress them down—you know, kid stuff. As I grew older, I was told that a Barbie was a thing of the past. However, some people take their love of dolls to a whole other level through dollification.

Everything you need to know about dollification

Maybe you’ve watched a Vice documentary on the subject, but most likely, you’re not entirely sure what it is. And until now, I didn’t know it even existed. In general, unless you have a specific fetish, you probably don’t know a lot about the fetish community. And it makes complete sense, why would you know deeply about a community you’re not engaged?

[Read: The fiery hot reasons you should be dating someone with a fetish]

But this is the beauty of the internet. You can discover and learn new things. Things you wouldn’t have found out before. If you’re curious about putting a name to your fetish or simply interested in learning more things about people and their kinks, you’ve come to the right place.

It’s time we dive deeper into dollification and all it entails. Who knows, maybe it’s your fetish, but you just haven’t realized it yet. So, here are the 11 things to know about dollification. Let’s get learning!

#1 Dollification is a sexual fetish. Dollification isn’t simply someone who likes dolls or who wants to look like one. It’s one step further.

Dollification is when someone is sexually aroused and attracted to dolls, figurines, etc. And this attraction takes on various forms such as sexual fantasies involving animate or inanimate dolls, sexual contact with a doll, sexual fantasies with multiple dolls, and wanting to transform or transform another person into a doll. [Read: The sexual role playing guide for complete beginners]

#2 There’s also virtual doll fetish. You thought this could only happen in person? Thanks to the internet, it can happen anywhere, whether in person or virtually. The virtual form of dollification is where a person lives their fetish online, in a virtual world through doll-like avatars.

#3 The dolls can be male or female. When it comes to dollification, it’s not only limited to women. Of course, a majority of people who engage in dollification prefer female dolls where they have a “Barbie” figure. Adults who are aroused by dressing up like a doll usually choose to impersonate Barbie: long blonde hair, small waist, large breasts, and tight outfits. Men can also dress up as Barbie; they usually wear a strap-on vagina. [Read: Top 50 kinky sex ideas that are worth trying at least once in life]

#4 What’s the symbolism behind dolls? In Japanese mythology, dolls are considered to be soul bearers. They symbol the exchange between the living and artificial, making us feel both secure and scared. It allows people to enter a different realm. People are temporary; dolls are forever.

#5 Evolving into a living doll. Through dollification, women and men go through the process of transforming into a living doll. It’s highly connected to the master/slave or dom/sub relationship. If the fetishist has a partner, the partner will most likely enjoy the objectification of the fetishist.

#6 Yes, they act like dolls. Transforming into a doll is more than just the physical. Dollification is about being a doll. This means the mental, mannerisms, they’re all doll-like. The fetishist will act lifeless while their partners perform sexual acts on them because that’s how dolls act. They enjoy objectification, being submissive, and act in a dollific manner. [Read: Your complete guide for having submissive sex]

#7 Partners are specific. Not everyone can accept a partner who enjoys this specific fetish. Typically, partners who enjoy dollification enjoy the idea of being dominant, and showing off their doll. These two traits go hand-in-hand with dolls. Though many people enjoy being dominant, it’s difficult to find a partner who enjoys dollification as well.

#8 Dolls may be silent during intercourse. When you think of dolls, they’re pretty silent. Like I said before, people who engage in this fetish want to act as doll-like as possible. During intercourse, dolls will usually remain silent as they want to be seen and not heard. Their partners are free to be verbal during sex. Of course, this doesn’t mean they don’t have a safe word. Any sexual activity comes with a safe word.

#9 There are different types of dolls. No two dolls are the same. Every person has their own interpretation of the doll they want to be. However, there are five main categories that people usually fall under: Lolita dolls, latex dolls, baby dolls, zentai dolls, and living Barbies. The latter is usually the most talked about in mainstream media.

#10 The doll community is small. Dollification isn’t like BDSM or foot fetish; it’s a very small community both off and online. The fetish is very rare, and finding a partner who appreciates the fetish isn’t easy. For many, it takes a long time to find a partner who will get involved in the fetish. [Read: The kinks adventurous couples must try at least once]

#11 Dollification is diverse. Though you may not see it right now, dollification is extremely diverse. Many dolls incorporate multiple kinks into their play, so you can’t generalize the people who engage in this fetish. Dolls themselves all have their own style and interpretation of what a doll acts and dresses like.

[Read: 7 extremely weird but surprisingly popular sex fetishes]

Though dollification remains an underground fetish, now you know a little bit more about it. Are you interested in giving it a try?

The post Dollification: A Newbie Guide to Dolls, Arousal, and the Fetish is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

5 Ways to Be a Smooth Dude

If you want to be smooth with women and life, you won’t get there with snappy one-liners or good looks. True smoothness requires a much finer grit.

A while back, I wrote about how to be smooth with conversation. With this article, I want to expand the dialogue on smoothness and get your interactions slathering with smoothness on all sides.

Let's make your entire demeanor smooth.

It’s the way you talk (your voice tonality, rhythm, etc.), the way you gesture with your hands, the way you move your eyes and face when you speak (and when you listen), the way you walk, the way you shake hands, the way you touch a woman who is sitting with you at a bar.

Contents

I. Smooth Fundamentals

II. Conversation

III. Be Smooth, Think Smooth

IV. Spend Time with Angels

V. Be Smooth with Your Mission

That’s what we want to make smooth. And how do we make this smooth?

Well, smoothness in a sexy man can be expressed in many ways.

Smoothness is one facet of sexiness, and there are many levels to sexy. I always tell my students they need to find a way of expression that fits them.

Once you find your style, you must do three things:

1. Master the fundamentals of your style; become the best version of your ideal man

2. Master the conversation of your style; become the best conversationalist you can be

3. Master your mind; see and know that you think like this man

The technicalities of smoothness are:

• Fundamentals
• Conversation
• Mind (inner game)

In my experience, these are not enough to make a man truly smooth. The final two recommendations of mine are to:

• Spend time with women you love
• Have a mission

We will focus on these final two later. First, let’s look at the most crucial areas, the technicalities.

How to Get to Know Someone Over Text and Build a Real Connection

Learning how to get to know someone over text is an important skill if you want to expand your social circle and romantic life.

Understanding how to get to know someone over text without making the wrong impression or boring the life out of them is all about thinking outside of the box. Basically, be you!

Technology for the win

Technology has made meeting new people far easier than it ever used to be. Can you imagine having to approach someone in a cafe or bar and actually having an in-person conversation? Mortifying!

Texting and messaging is the shy person’s godsend when it comes to cultivating a social and romantic life. There are pitfalls to avoid and things you must know if you want to really get to know someone properly.

Not really knowing what to say and how to say it could lead you towards a few texts which are left unanswered, or you simply run out of things to say. [Read: Here’s how to start a conversation over text]

How to get to know someone over text in 11 easy steps

To help you out, because I’m aware this isn’t the easiest of tasks in the world, let’s check out 11 hacks on how to get to know someone over text. Help yourself become a social butterfly, or grab that crush you’ve had your eye on for a while!

#1 Just be yourself! This first pointer might sound ridiculously obvious, but it’s the most important of them all! Remember, you’re not just getting to know them, you want them to get to know you too. They can’t do that if you’re putting on an act! Be genuine, be yourself and don’t apologize for it! [Read: How to be yourself and unfake your life]

#2 Be creative. Do not simply ask how they are and leave it at that! Be creative with your questions and come up with something which will leave them smiling and wanting to carry the conversation on.

Surely you’ve had those text conversations which have run out of steam. The “hi, how are you”, “good thanks, you?”, “good too, thanks” are over. Then what? Boredom, that’s what!

#3 If you’re going to flirt, do it very subtly. If you’re trying to impress someone while also getting to know them, you might want to flirt a little. This is fine, but dial it down. You’re not trying to charm them here, you’re trying to actually find out about them and get to know them.

A few flirtatious comments here and there are fine, but keep them light. Save the rest for later, when you know each other better! [Read: How to subtly flirty with your crush with these questions]

#4 Ask questions, but don’t act like you’re interrogating them! The best way to get a conversation started is to ask questions, and it’s also the best way to keep that conversation going. Having said that, you don’t want to make them feel like they’re sitting in a chair with a torch in their faces, undergoing an interrogation on potential spy charges!

#5 Remember to offer up information about yourself too. You need to remember that learning how to get to know someone over text isn’t one way thing, it works both ways. Offer up some information about yourself too. That means they can get to know you in return. [Read: How to keep a text conversation going when you have nothing to say]

#6 Never text late at night. You might think it’s perfectly okay to have a conversation while chilling out before bed, but we all know that late night texts have another meaning too – the booty call. If that’s not your intention, keep your texts to regular time slots!

#7 Ask interesting questions about their life and interests. Make sure your questions have some depth to them. Ask them about their hobbies, the things they’re interested in, their life, and the experiences they’ve had. This will help you understand them on a deeper level and keep the conversation going. [Read: 30 all-around good questions to ask people for a better connection]

#8 Remember to inject some humor. Text chats can become samey. Always remember to add some humor into your conversations. Silly games like “would you rather” will ease the tension and allow you to get to know them well and quickly! [Read: 15 fun games to play over text and connect with each other]

#9 Always keep it light. Your texts should be something they look forward to, not a chore they must answer. Keep your texts light, chatty, and nothing too heavy. Nobody wants deep and meaningful over text.

#10 Avoid questions with weight to them. The biggest rule of knowing how to get to know someone over text is to avoid questions which have a lot of weight to them. This means anything to do with politics, religion, culture, sexuality, or anything else which is slightly sensitive. These conversations are best in person. You don’t know them well enough yet and they may take offense.

#11 Avoid assuming this is going anywhere. Yes, you’re getting to know each other, but that doesn’t mean you’re going to end up best friends or dating one another. Learning how to get to know someone over text all comes down to feeling the waters and finding out whether you want to spend actual time with this person or not.

It also gives you something to look forward to when your phone beeps. Keep it light, and avoid questions about the next step. [Read: How to ask someone if they like you without embarrassing yourself]

How to evaluate your success

With these tips, you’ll quickly get to know that new person in your life. Hopefully, it will move on to chatting in person. Of course, you might find that you don’t like this person much at all. That’s the downside of trying to find out whether you want to get to know someone! They might also decide that they don’t want anything more to do with you. A tough one, that’s for sure, but something which may happen. [Read: Texting before a first date – A guide to do it right]

Not everyone manages to click with another person, and not everyone turns out to be quite how we expected. If your texts dwindle and you’re not feeling the same connection to actually get to know each other anymore, that’s fine. We’re not meant to be best friends or lovers with everyone who crosses our path, either in person or via text!

When it comes to knowing how to get to know someone over text, it’s probably more difficult than getting to know someone in person. Yes, it’s easier in some ways, because you don’t have to actually have embarrassing conversations in front of them, but there is a huge margin for misunderstanding when it comes to messaging.

Tone of voice, body language, speed of speech, these are all things we miss when we write a message. You might say the message in your head in one way, but when the other person reads it, they might interpret it in a totally different way. Understanding that misunderstandings can happen is vital in this situation too and they work both ways.

[Read: How to not be a boring texter and keep anyone interested]

Learning how to get to know someone over text comes down to being innovative, thinking outside of the box, and keeping your hopes out of the situation. Getting to know someone means there is a risk, but isn’t it worth the risk? 

The post How to Get to Know Someone Over Text and Build a Real Connection is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

Never Count on a Woman to Change (& Never Think You'll Change Her)

I talked to a friend recently and told him about a woman I'd dated with a short fuse.

She was in all other respects perfect.

Physically very beautiful. Very smart and highly educated.

Good career. A happy, positive, can-do person, with a charming personality.

More self-improvement-orientated than almost any woman I've met.

However, she had a very short fuse, and various things would set her off.

Once you set her off, she'd fly off into a (self-)righteous rage.

Her rage would last anywhere from 30 minutes to a few hours, then she would calm back down. A little while later she'd be happy again.

This short fuse of hers was inherited. Her father had it. Her elder sister and younger sisters had it. Others in her family did not have it, but those four did. At a family gathering I attended with them, all four set each other off and flew into rages against one another.

Contents

1. People Are Who They Are

2. The Scorpion and the Frog

3. Limits of Behavior Modification

4. Deciding She Wants to Change

5. Don't Count on Her Changing

The sisters often tried to avoid talking with each other and their parents, solely because of their tendencies to set each other off like that. Everything else about their relationships were fine, but the anger they all boiled over into did not well mix.

I did everything I could, within reason, over the time I dated this girl to cure her of this fuse.

I thought for a while that with proper operant conditioning, I'd break her of her temper.

I was wrong, and nothing I did was a permanent fix.

The friend I mentioned this to is an optimistic guy who is good at approaching new women, but has trouble bedding them and hanging onto them. His relationships never work out. He's one of the 'hard case' guys I know and have talked about before on Girls Chase. It's hard to put your finger on it with him, but there are many little things it often seems like he does not really 'get'.

When I talked about some of the details of this relationship with him, he told me "Well, it sounds like you set up a pattern early on where this type of behavior was acceptable."

He added that it "sounds like you were encouraging this" or "maybe you subtlely like this."

He then admitted he'd dated a few dramatic women before, but "I quickly showed them I wouldn't tolerate that and they stopped doing it."

It was a little pop armchair psychology that on the surface sounds really good. Somebody does something you don't like? Just make it clear it's unacceptable, and she'll stop for good! Don't be weak or invite it back in, and you'll never have to deal with it again!

But, as I told him, people are a lot richer and more complex than this... and you simply wanting a behavior to change, and putting a few behavior modification procedures in place to try to change it, does not ensure you'll get the change you want.

Especially not long-term.

Far from it.

Rather, while you should do what you can to get your woman to change any undesirable behavior she has, you should never count on a woman to change... and you should never think you'll change her.