How to Avoid Frame Wars

Men often inadvertently spark frame wars with women they’re courting. Ways they do this include over-playing their tactics, failing to make the girl feel special, and more.

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Being Complacent in a Relationship: How to Read the Signs & Fix It

As your relationship progresses, you become comfortable with each other. However, what if you become complacent in a relationship? Are you losing interest?

The worst possible thing you can do is to be complacent in a relationship. There’s no excuse in the book that excuses complacency, no matter how many years it’s been. When you become complacent in a relationship, you take your partner for granted.

You automatically assume that they’re always going to be there and that they’ll always provide for your needs. But you need to remember that complacency is what causes neglect in any type of relationship, even a marriage.

When this happens, the relationship becomes dull and empty. As much as you masy assume routine and boredom is part of long term love, you need to know that complacency is one of the factors why relationships just fall apart.

[Read: 15 common reasons why you’re getting bored with your relationship]

Has the magic worn off your relationship?

After you’ve been in a relationship for a certain amount of time, the magic tends to wear off just a little. You no longer get butterflies when they walk into a room, and small things bother you a little more. While it’s easy to be complacent in a relationship, that doesn’t mean you should.

The thing about relationships is that after some time, the chemistry and sparks will eventually fade. This is why love is a choice, rather than a feeling. If you base your relationship on the butterflies you feel in your stomach, you won’t ever go past the first few months. [Read: 13 signs the honeymoon period is starting to wane in your eyes]

Complacency is a dangerous road

Not only is it dangerous for your relationship, but it can also cause your partner to question why they’re still with you in the first place. Nobody deserves to feel like they’re taken for granted, but it’s the result of being complacent in a relationship.

The main problem of complacency is compared to the love you make your partner feel when everything was new, it’s so far from how you treat them now. Complacency causes you to take what you have for granted until one day, they end up possibly walking away all because you neglected them. [Read: 12 signs you’re being selfish in a relationship]

Signs you’re becoming complacent in a relationship

No one intends to take their partner for granted or let things slip. However, complacency is a dangerous illness that sneaks into relationships without much warning. You never really intend to be complacent in a relationship, until you’re already doing it.

If you want to maintain the happiness and contentment you’re feeling in your relationship, you should do everything in your capabilities to avoid complacency.

Take a look at all the signs you’re becoming complacent in your relationship, and how you can correct them along the way.

1. You can’t remember your last date night

If you can’t remember the last time you went on a date night, ask yourself why. No matter how many years you’ve been together, date night is very important. It gives you time to spend together without any distractions to get in the way of feeling loved.

Especially when one of you or your partner’s love language is quality time, date nights are one of the ways to give or receive love.

If you don’t, everything becomes very samey and boring, allowing resentment to sneak into the equation. And it’s easy for a relationship to become boring when you don’t at least give a portion of your time to date them.

Take control and plan a night out. Make it a surprise for maximum impact. Go somewhere fun, somewhere you both enjoy, and make a night of it. This will both remind you of the sparks and chemistry you used to have during the first stage of your relationship. [Read: The 9 stages of a relationship all couples go through in their lifetime]

2. You haven’t taken a vacation together for a long time

Getting away from your normal surroundings and exploring a new place is a great way to connect and make memories. And it’s a great way to rekindle the sparks you once shared in your relationship as well!

When you travel somewhere that’s different from your current environment, it also allows you to have fun with your significant other.

After all, they’re not just your partner, but they’re also your best friend – at least, they should be. You don’t have to be planning vacations regularly, but taking a trip once every while is good for your relationship.

Maybe you could take a trip on your anniversary or Valentine’s Day. Sit down  with your partner and initiate a conversation about where you might like to go. Once a few suggestions start flowing, make a plan and go! [Read: 20 ingenious ways to keep a relationship exciting and fun]

3. You don’t tell your partner what’s going on in your life

Your partner should fall nothing short of your best friend, which means they should be the first person you run to when something bad happens. Lost your job, had a rough day, struggling with anxiety? Your partner should be the first person that comes to your mind.

If you don’t approach them with the important details of your life, it’s a sign of complacency.

Yes, you have friends, but your partner should be your first choice in telling both good and bad news. Are you confiding in your friends more than your partner? Do you go home and talk about your day?

If you keep things from one another, even if you don’t mean to, you’re on a slippery slope towards relationship failure.

Communication is essential to any relationship and when you hide even your feelings from your partner, this can result in the downward spiral of your relationship. Stop assuming that your partner won’t care or they won’t listen.

How would you know if you’re not even giving them that chance? Of course, be careful not to moan about things that really don’t matter, like gossip or small talk when they seem occupied, and instead stick to the events and fun quirky things that happened in the time you’ve been at work or away. [Read: 25 things you must talk about in a happy relationship]

4. Your sex life has taken a nosedive

As you get further into a relationship, it’s totally normal for your sex life to calm down a little. However, that doesn’t mean you should stop trying altogether. Your sex life isn’t just sex – it’s also a way to connect in a way that words and actions can’t do.

When you’re noticing your sex life decline gradually or be gone altogether, it can be a sign of being complacent in a relationship. Simply put, one or both of you are no longer trying to create that spark in your physical intimacy. Maybe it’s become too much of a routine or it became boring. [Read: How to prepare for sex – 20 things you MUST do to enjoy it way more]

However, this is no excuse to stop trying. In fact, it’s reason to try even harder. Couples need that sexual connection to be as close as possible.

Spicing up your sex life could also be all it takes to get your relationship back to its former glory. Maybe you could book a weekend getaway or a staycation for a weekend to get your sex life back on track. [Read: Top 50 kinky sex ideas worth trying at least once in your lifetime]

5. You take things out on them

As you get comfortable with someone, there’s no longer the need to keep putting your best foot forward. However, it’s not a good sign when you notice yourself snapping at them or taking things out on them.

Complacency doesn’t just mean you stop trying, but it means you stop caring about showing your love to your partner. No matter how many years it’s been, you shouldn’t treat your partner like absolute crap. It’s not your partner’s fault you had a bad day.

If you open up and talk about things rather than shout and act out, you’ll probably be able to forge a closer connection as a result. You can’t keep projecting your bad mood and unresolved issues to your partner whenever you feel like it. They’re not with you to be your emotional punching back. [Read: 18 relationship turn offs that ruin romance in no time]

6. You don’t feel as close to your partner as you used to

When taking someone for granted, distance shows. We’re not just talking about physical distance, but we’re talking about the worse kinds of distance – the emotional and mental distance. You feel a wall between the both of you that no matter how hard you try, you can’t break through.

It’s almost like someone stands between you and pushes you apart physically. Sometimes this distance can become too great and cause a breakdown of the relationship. Even if you’re physically together, this distance can make you feel so alone that it actually hurts.

This is a concrete sign that you’ve been complacent in a relationship for too long and both of you just got used to that kind of setup. You’re in a relationship, but the connection and intimacy feel void and null. If you notice that you don’t feel as close, question why.

Then, make it a priority to do more things together, and perhaps spice up your sex life a little, and bring the closeness back once more. There are always things you can do to break that wall, but you have to be willing to try. [Read: How to emotionally connect with someone and feel close]

7. Arguments are on the rise

If you’re becoming complacent, chances are, the small things will start to cause problems. You start to fight about the little things, which then become the big things. When arguments and arrogance become stronger than the love you share, that’s when you can be sure you’re complacent in a relationship.

While it’s normal for a couple to argue from time to time *in fact it’s healthy to a degree*, it’s not normal or healthy for it to be a common occurrence, and especially over small things that really don’t matter.

You need to remember that your love for each other is bigger than any fight, and you should choose the importance of the relationship over your ego. [Read: Are relationship fights normal? 15 signs you’re fighting way too often]

8. The spark has just disappeared

A big sign you’re becoming complacent in a relationship is that it just doesn’t feel the same. Even though sparks can fade at any given time, you’re not supposed to just give up. If you don’t feel any sparks, then you should exert more effort instead of incorporating more complacency in your relationship.

There are so many ways you can bring back the spark of your relationship without giving up. This means spending time with your partner or maybe even getting to know them better.

The loss of sparks isn’t the end of the world.  Before you decide to walk away because of how boring your relationship has become, try making the effort to save it first. [Read: How you can rekindle your romance and fall in love again]

9. You feel like you’re settling

The last thing anyone would want to feel in a relationship is that they’re settling for less. When you feel this way, then you’re already complacent in a relationship. Or worse, you’re giving up on it. You begin to wonder if you could do better or if someone out there is more fitted to be with you.

It’s not that you want to cheat, but your mind begins to wonder about other possibilities. Unless you’ve decided to walk out already, you need to change this mindset and focus on the relationship you have right now.

Your problems won’t be fixed by jumping into the assumption that you’re settling. Instead, why don’t you try giving your partner the love they deserve? Spoil them, give them your time, surprise them! It doesn’t take a lot of energy and expense to make your partner happy. [Read: How to show your appreciation to someone and share your feelings]

10. You lack affection

Again, after a significant period, it’s normal for your affection for one another to not be as consistent. You no longer can’t keep your hands off each other, but your love settles into warmth.

However, if you no longer show your affection to one another even in simple ways like a kiss on the lips or saying you love them, then you’re being complacent in a relationship. No matter what, don’t let yourself become lazy in showing how much the other person means to you.

Otherwise, you never know, they could walk away and you’d lose them forever – all because you took them for granted. [Read: How to recognize the hidden signs of affection to know if someone still cares]

So, are you complacent in a relationship?

With all the signs mentioned here, if most of them resonate with you, then you’re probably complacent in a relationship. Don’t worry, this doesn’t mean your relationship’s over.

This is your chance to bring back the sparks and chemistry by giving time, attention, effort, and communication to your partner.

Becoming complacent in a relationship is common, but it’s also a nightmare. Before your relationship ends and falls apart, be sure to stop the cycle of complacency and prioritize your partner. Stop taking for granted and learn to make the effort again.

The post Being Complacent in a Relationship: How to Read the Signs & Fix It is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

How to Emotionally Detach From Someone & Stop Them From Hurting You

The hardest thing you ever have to learn is how to emotionally detach from someone. If they no longer serve a purpose in your life, you need to let go.

When you care deeply about someone, the last thing you can imagine is to lose them completely. After all, why would you need to learn how to emotionally detach from someone when you assume they’d be in your life forever?

Unfortunately, life has different plans. Things don’t always work out the way you imagined in your head, and this applies to both relationships and friendships.

You know, when you care about someone, you never thought the day would come where you’d have to know how to emotionally detach from someone. However, if you don’t practically force yourself to learn it, you’d break yourself trying to love them and hold on to them.

As much as we love them, we need to let go and accept that they’re not meant to be in our lives. [Read: Right reasons to break up with someone you love]

How to emotionally detach yourself from someone you love

Learning how to emotionally detach yourself from someone is hard, but it’s an important life skill. It takes a lot of trial and error, especially if you were in an intimate relationship with them.

However, day by day, you’ll find yourself becoming stronger and capable of detaching from them. You’ll realize that you’re no longer missing them or searching for a piece of them each day.

Sometimes, all it takes is the right amount of courage and wisdom to learn how to emotionally detach yourself from someone. Will things get easier? No, of course not.

However, it will get better eventually and you’ll realize you made the right decision. Just because you want to emotionally detach from them doesn’t mean you don’t care about them or want them to disappear from your life. [Read: 15 signs they’ve detached from you already and it’s time for you to do the same]

You’re simply creating a much-needed boundary for your own mental health. Maybe they’re not treating you right or they’re detrimental to your mental health.

Whatever it is, you know that your relationship has to end before it ends you. In this feature, we’ll be listing down everything you need to know on how to emotionally detach yourself from someone.

1. Think about you

Co-dependent relationships aren’t common for a reason. It’s so easy to lean towards the tendency to prioritize them instead of yourself.

However, if they aren’t treating you with the respect or behavior you deserve, then what’s the point? We’re not talking about surface-level needs like flowers and chocolates every month. We’re talking more about things like respect, love, communication, and compromise.

Maybe you love this person, but you’ve noticed your mental being decline slowly and if that’s the case, well, it’s time to pay attention to that. No matter how much you love them, you should always put yourself first.

Otherwise, if you lose yourself, then that’s a much crappier feeling that you wouldn’t want to experience. [Read: How to find yourself when you feel like you’ve lost your way]

2. Take all the space you need

Space isn’t a bad thing, you know? It doesn’t mean you love someone less just because you require space.

If someone’s being toxic to your mental health, asking for space is a must in learning how to emotionally detach from someone. Asking for space can help you give all the energy you need in feeling like yourself again.

You can do whatever you want that makes you feel like yourself again. Everyone is different when it comes to emotionally detaching ourselves. Some need a short amount of time to do it while others need more time. [Read: 10 scenarios where taking a break is the only solution]

3. Think about your relationship objectively

Ask yourself, would you be happy if your daughter/son was in this relationship? Are you getting your basic needs and desires met?

Being objective is the best way to learn how to emotionally detach from someone. We know the world says to follow your heart, but you need to use your mind, too.

If they’re taking you for granted or aren’t giving you what you need, why do you need to stay? Facing reality might feel like a slap in your face.

It hurts so much that you can’t go back to being ignorant of the truth. However, it’s necessary in being emotionally detached and taking the right action steps. [Read: 16 reasons why you’re always being taken for granted by the ones you love]

4. Ask yourself why you’re attached to them

You need to ask yourself what about them makes you feel so attached.

Are they your best friend? Maybe you feel like they’re the first person to actually pay attention to you? Do they give you something others don’t? If this is an intimate relationship, what is it about them that makes it hard for you to move on?

You need to ask yourself all these necessary questions. In learning how to emotionally detach from someone, remember that love is completely different from attachment.

You can be attached to someone without ever loving them in the first place. This is why you need to find out what factors make you so attached to them. [Read: Love vs Attachment and the vital difference between these two]

5. Cut off contact

Obviously, you can’t know how to emotionally detach from someone if you keep talking to them consistently. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have their number stored somewhere just in case.

However, you need to accept the fact that you won’t be able to detach yourself unless you cut contact. Stop calling them, texting them, FaceTiming them, or even communicating with them on social media.

Just stop everything that it is you’re doing. Seriously, what will you gain from maintaining regular contact with them? You’ll never be able to emotionally detach if this is the case. [Read: How to spot selfish people and stop them from hurting you]

6. Stay away from mutual friends

If you had mutual friends, then stay away from them at all costs. It’s not doing you any good when you hear how they’re doing or how they’re happier than they ever were.

It’s not good for your mental health. Yes, it’s hard to distance yourself from people who haven’t done anything wrong.

However, this is only for a short period until you’re not feeling the need to ask about this person you’re trying to detach from. As long as you feel the urge to ask your mutual friends how they’re doing, you’re not yet okay.

Learning how to emotionally detach is having full control of your emotions. If you think you’d still call them up whenever you miss them, then it’s too risky. [Read: How to stop texting someone when that’s all you want to do]

7. Grieve

We’re always so scared to grieve, but it’s the one thing we need to do. Just because things didn’t work out the way you expected them to, doesn’t mean you have to pretend like everything’s fine.

Yes, the world will keep turning but that doesn’t excuse you from grieving the loss of a relationship. If not, you’ll most likely accept them back into your life and the cycle will continue.

You can’t learn how to emotionally detach from someone without letting yourself grieve and feel all your emotions first. [Read: How to conquer the impossible and unlove someone]

8. Remove memories around you

You’ll never learn how to emotionally detach from someone if you’re surrounded by memories that remind you of them. Whether it’s pictures or maybe an old sweater they left behind, you need to let those go.

This isn’t to say you should burn those memories to the ground and be bitter and resentful of their existence like an angry ex. Rather, just put them somewhere out of sight so you don’t have to deal with their memories or painful emotions you’d rather not confront.

Maybe you have an attic or under the bed. Just hide those memories temporarily until you eventually learn to control your feelings.

9. Accept you’re not going to be friends

You know those romcoms you’ve watched where exes can totally be friends without any awkwardness? Yeah, that’s not gonna happen in real life. Unfortunately, the reality is, if you become friends with them, it’ll happen all over again.

You might even end up going back to them or worse, giving them the benefits of a relationship minus the commitment. Now, wouldn’t that be a dream come true for them?

It’s best to refrain from being friends with them, just for the sake of your mental health. Sure, you can be neutral and friendly if you run into each other, but you’re not going to go to the movies or grab coffee together. [Read: 14 things you must remember when you bump into someone you’re trying to forget]

10. Refocus yourself

The best revenge is to focus on your personal development. This means refocusing all your energy and time into something other than the pain of missing them.

Yes, heartbreak is terrible and you feel like it hurts all over your body. However, this is also your opportunity to find out who you are, outside of the relationship.

In other words, start on a new page and revamp yourself. Do things that you’ve always wanted to do and refocus your life because your life has revolved around them.

Happiness and success are the best revenge, so show them exactly what they lose by not treating you right. Be so focused on your own dreams and your own life that even one text from them no longer bothers you. [Read: How to focus on yourself – 27 ways to create your own sunshine]

11. Take all the time you need

They say time is the secret ingredient you need to heal from whatever pain and heartbreak you’re dealing with. If you want to learn how to emotionally detach from someone, time is the one aspect you need.

Don’t rush healing from the relationship or not missing them – that day will eventually come. As they say, you just have to trust the process and take it one day at a time.

Take this as an opportunity to think about yourself and what you want from your life. They’ve been taking all your time and now you need to get it back. [Read: Here is how you can move on from a relationship in a healthy way]

12. Talk it out

Before you get excited, no, we’re not referring to talking it out with them. Rather, talk it out with the people you trust most with your life. Tell them how you feel and how you’re coping.

Don’t be afraid to be as vulnerable as you can be with them. These are your people and there’s no reason to hold anything back.

You can also go to therapy as that’s an advisable option for getting everything out. Talking is therapy, talking is healing. So, whenever you need to get it out, just talk.

On the off chance you’re not into talking, you can also have another source like writing, painting, journaling, or basically anything to express your feelings.

[Read: Learn how to control your emotions and show restraint]

So, how do you emotionally detach from someone?

It’s not a walk in the park to emotionally detach from someone. The greater the love, the greater the pain.

However, not all people are meant to stay in your life forever. Some people just crossed our paths to teach us a lesson.

[Read: How to stop caring about someone who hurt you – 15 steps to heal completely]

It’s never going to be easy, but you are going to get stronger. If you feel you need to learn how to emotionally detach yourself from someone, follow these steps to help guide you.

The post How to Emotionally Detach From Someone & Stop Them From Hurting You is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

Tactics Tuesdays: When Girls Try to Lead, Be the Prize

Sometimes you’re trying to get somewhere with a girl but she’s just so assertive. What can you do with girls who take the lead? Simple: you just be the prize.

A short while back, one of our forum members shared a report of his in which a girl at a club managed to pry a free drink from him, then keep him following her for much of the night.

He's not an inexperienced guy, and was a bit confused at what happened with her. It seemed like she was into him... however, she continually deflected his requests while making her own (and getting him to comply).

Sometimes you will meet girls like this, who aren't interested in all at following, but will try to lead with you.

These may not always be girls who are disinterested in you. Sometimes they may just be very strong, assertive personality-type women.

If you leave things in their hands, you'll rarely end up with them.

What you must do instead with girls who want to lead is to switch up your strategy:

You must focus, even more than usual, on being the prize.

Easily Approach Girls... by 'Happening to Be Near Them'

Ever have a girl just pop up next to you? Well you can do the same thing to girls too. Women will present 3 opportunities to do it… and you can easily pop up in 4 simple steps.

Girls use this one all the time.

Well guess what? So can you.

What's the most magical way to meet someone? It's when two people bump into each other as if by magic.

Actually that's the second most magical. The most magical is when two people are checking each other out, anticipating meeting each other, then both drift toward each other and meet. But you won't always have that drawn-out 'both checking each other out' situation.

As far back as junior high I noticed how often women who liked me magically appeared around me.

I was too shy to approach (much) then, so I started doing the next best thing:

I'd magically appear around women I liked too.

As you would expect, it led to us 'just happening' to end up in conversations sometimes.

And sometimes these girls would ask me out.

Eventually I got into approaching women a lot more directly. But I've still always had a place in my heart for happening to find myself near women I want to meet.

It makes life easier.

Don't Hate the Player. And Don't Hate the Game

It’s normal to feel frustrated when you don’t get what you want. But rather than let yourself hate “the game”… why not just get good at the game instead?

On my article about your opinions about women betraying your success (or lack thereof) with women, a reader comments:

When it comes to bitterness it's usually not towards women as a whole. Sure some of the negative qualities of women can irritate me like not being consistent with their emotions/feelings/thoughts and their obliviousness in general. But I still have love for women and I always remind myself of this.

My bitterness is more directed towards the game and the dynamics of the sexual marketplace where women are buyers and men are sellers and to get attractive quality women men have to do a lot of work and grinding just to increase the probabilities of getting them. In addition to that they gotta deal with the bs society throws at them with their man shaming,masculinity draining tactics,"empowerment" of women which makes it harder for men to play their role as the aggressor,and makes women even more difficult to have as a ltr. Even if you become a high value man with good fundamentals you never ever really stop becoming a seller you just have a better product,but you still have to go around and market it and hope women like what you have to offer. You've probably heard the peasant/begger analogy before do you believe it's a bad comparison? I don't feel like a begger when I cold approach,but it's still not efficient. Even when you're good there will always be assymetric returns.

Personally I know I need to get better and I still approach women occasionally. Although when I do I fight a lot of internal resistance and always have this attitude of "sigh I need to go approach women because I don't currently have any and I need to be smooth and perfect as I do it or I will just get flaky numbers at best.

Coaches say that you need to enjoy the process and have fun with learning seduction and treat it like a game,but how do you have fun with it? How do you have fun with doing something you suck at doing,can be unpleasant and difficult at times and don't know when or it will payoff?

You could be turning your wheels for nothing and put all that effort only to end up having to settle for average looking women who don't fufill you.

It's a good comment. "I don't dislike women, but I do dislike the game," we might sum our reader's comment up as.

Of course, most everyone who's successful at anything learns to enjoy it.

I think we all know naturally that guys who have fun meeting girls tend to do a lot better at it than guys who do not.

The challenge is, before you're getting great results, how can doing this thing, which is nerve-wracking, that exposes you to rejection, that often sucks up time before producing any results, be enjoyable?

The Seducer's Journey, Pt 2: How Women Inhabit the Sibling Dichotomy

Adopt a mentor/elder sibling frame with girls to put your seductions on skates.

Let’s begin our exploration of the mythic narratives that drive the sibling dichotomy in women.

The mysteries of what beautiful women want from the men they meet have been a source of bitterness and confusion for many centuries. On top of that, social restrictions during the COVID-19 pandemic have slowed down the progress of many game students and veterans alike.

However, the seducer’s journey to an ideal sex life is still possible for ambitious students of the game. Any student of the game can discover his ambitious side, because game is in your DNA.

First and foremost, it is vital to remember that good looks, immense wealth, and social status are not as important to women as a man with an interesting story. The older siblings that we encounter in life, like our relatives and mentors, come with a variety of stories that can capture our attention and reconnect us with our inner child. Read on and see how women crave this dynamic in the men they meet.