Tactics Tuesdays: Opener Cycling

If at first your opener doesn’t hook, try, try again. That’s the basis of opener cycling: using more than one opener on one girl. Don’t just open weak then plow.

Not every time you open a girl will she open with gusto.

Sometimes all you get is a blasé response.

She doesn't reject you, per se, but she isn't exactly ready to dive into a conversation.

You may want to just move on from a girl who's disinterested like this on the opener.

However, what if you want to persist?

If you just stand there and keep talking to her in the same way that failed to engage her the first time around, it doesn't work (I tried plenty of times as a beginner!).

Instead, you can use something I call 'opener cycling'... where you break up your early conversation, staccato-style, to attempt a variety of openers to see if you can't get her to hook.

How to Seduce Someone: 29 Lustful Secrets to Make Anyone Desire You

If you want to know how to seduce someone, you need to know what to do so you can do it right. Here are some sexy moves to make them want you bad.

Finding someone to have sex with you is possibly the easiest part. But not everyone wants a fling. Some are looking for something deeper than just a physical connection. Learning how to seduce someone completely is an important dating skill. And don’t assume seduction is only used to get someone to sleep with you.

If done right, seduction is about drawing someone in and having them constantly wanting more of you until they’re hooked.

While reading this, you’re probably thinking that seducing people sounds a bit intense, but here’s the truth – many people seduce others around them all the time. All of us try to impress and attract others, we just don’t realize we’re trying to seduce them!

The truth is, learning how to seduce someone isn’t a skill that’s just been invented. It’s been around forever.

[Read: 15 secrets of seduction to turn anyone on with almost no effort]

How to seduce someone and make them desire you

You may know what seduction is, but very few actually know how to seduce someone. Or if they think they know, they usually screw up. That’s because they don’t actually know what it takes to seduce someone.

Through seduction, you’re appealing to someone’s more primal instincts. At the end of the day, we’re just apes with iPhones. There are some people who can naturally seduce others, but for most of us, we have no idea what we’re doing. And this is where we come in.

Below, we’re going to give you some helpful tips to get you on the right path of seduction. It’s time to become the master of seduction!

1. Focus on eye contact

This one is very important. Eye contact is crucial for seduction and flirting. This doesn’t mean you stare at them like a creep – that definitely won’t seduce the person you want.

But with just enough contact, you can show them that you want them. [Read: 13 subtle eye contact flirting tips to catch anyone’s eye from afar]

2. Touch them

No, don’t jump on them. We’re talking about seduction. You’re supposed to be calm and collected. Graze their arm, brush against them when you walk by, or sit close to them. The touches should be very light and subtle. Just enough so that they take notice of the body contact. [Read: How to flirt by touch and use subtle body language to seduce others]

3. Play hard to get

No one wants something that’s just handed to them. This isn’t how seduction works. People want to work for what they get.

This means if you want to be a master of seduction, you need to play hard to get. A little chase never hurts anyone, and this way, you make them come to you. [Read: 12 tips to make playing hard to get work for you]

4. Be confident around them

When it comes to knowing how to seduce someone, confidence is key. Without it, you will come across as someone who doesn’t know what they’re doing, and that’s not attractive. Listen, you may not know what you’re doing, but they don’t need to know that.

5. Give them compliments

Of course, there’s a fine line between giving compliments and being overbearing. You don’t need to constantly compliment them on every little thing they wear or do.

But you should compliment them when you mean it. If you do it too much, you won’t look like you’re seducing; you’ll look needy. [Read: 20 funny compliments you can use to flatter anyone and make them like you]

6. Start smiling

You may think the serious and mysterious type of person is what gets people aroused, but that’s not true. People like to be around happy people, that’s just the way it is. So, if you want to start seducing someone, start smiling.

7. Don’t be arrogant

When we think about people who are good seducers, we imagine these cocky, arrogant types of people. But that’s not what attracts other people. Yes, you should be confident, but don’t act like you’re the hottest person who’s walked this earth. Because you’re not. #sorrynotsorry

8. Keep a little bit of mystery

They don’t need to know how many times you go to the bathroom or about the yeast infection you just recovered from. Let’s leave a little bit of mystery for the person you’re trying to seduce. They don’t need to know everything right now. [Read: 33 subtle tips to be sexually attractive and seduce anyone]

9. Let your body language do the talking

We mostly communicate via body language. A truer seducer knows exactly how to use their body.

When you’re talking to them, have your body face their body. Lean into them, sit close to them. These are small gestures but can tell a person a lot about how you feel. [Read: Does he like m? 23 clues to instantly decode a guy’s body language]

10. Say their name

There’s something so sexy when another person says your name in a low and seductive tone. With that tone, you can tell a person everything.

Lower your voice a bit when you speak their name. You’ll see what it does. [Read: How to have a sexy voice – 17 secrets to make them love listening to you]

11. Look at their lips

The lips are a sexual part of the body, even though they’re used to make sure food doesn’t escape our mouths. But when you look at someone’s lips when they’re talking, it’s highly suggestive and seductive. It gives them the impression that you want something more.

12. Send flirtatious texts

Oh, we needed to include this one on the list. Texting has become a huge part of how we communicate with others.

You have no idea how much time people spend trying to decode a text message from someone they like. So, send flirtatious, yet hard to get, texts! [Read: 20 flirty emojis that’ll make you a pro flirter in no time]

13. It’ll take practice

Learning how to seduce someone isn’t an art that you’re going to master overnight. It’s going to take a lot of time and practice until you get the hang of it and become comfortable with your own technique. But eventually, you’ll find a seduction method that is most effective and successful for you.

14. Let them smell you

Not in a creepy way. You shouldn’t be shoving your head into their nose. But your body releases pheromones in which other people smell and subconsciously decide whether or not they like it.

If they like the way you smell, well, you’re one step closer to getting them to like you. [Read: How to smell good and attract almost anyone you desire]

15. Be yourself

At the end of the day, seduction can only work if you’re being yourself. Many people make the mistake of trying to act differently when they’re trying to seduce someone. But that’s a big mistake. You’re supposed to be yourself, that’s who they’re supposed to fall for.

16. Make them feel like they matter

Everyone wants to feel important and that they matter to someone else. So, if you want to know how to seduce someone, then you will have to figure out how you can convey to them that they are the center of your focus – at least at the moment. Act like there is no one else in the world except you and them. [Read: How to be nice – 20 easy ways to make everyone love being around you]

17. Dress sexy

Whether you are a guy or a girl, you should wear clothes that are sexually appealing. Most people don’t find sweats and a t-shirt too attractive unless it’s worn the right way.

So, invest in some outfits that will make their mouths water when they look at you. But don’t overdo it. You want to be sexy – but classy. [Read: How to dress sexy but classy and make them lust without being obvious]

18. Build sexual tension

You don’t want to give yourself away too easily. That’s the fun part of the game when you’re learning how to seduce someone.

Tease them in every way you can – with the way you dress, the way you smell, the way your hair is, and your body language. All of this will get them excited and they will be ready and anxious for your seduction. [Read: 20 strong signs of sexual tension to know if you make each other horny]

19. Do a striptease

If you are in a relationship with this person, then tell them you have a surprise for them. Put on some sexy music, turn the lights down low, and light some candles. Then, give them the performance of a lifetime. Take your time stripping off all the articles of clothing that you have on until you are completely naked.

20. Say naughty things

Whether you are texting this person or you are face-to-face, try saying some dirty, naughty things to them.

You can say things like “You’re so hot,” or “I can’t wait to have you in my bed,” or “Your body makes me so horny.” Trust us, they will get the hint and be ready to jump your bones. [Read: How to talk dirty to a guy and arouse him with the sexiest words]

21. Ask them what they like in bed

Start a conversation about sex with them. Then lead where it goes by asking them what they like in bed.

What positions do they like? Are they willing to get kinky? Have they ever thought about having a threesome or a couple’s swap? Try to get their imagination going. That is definitely a casual and yet very powerful way to seduce someone and get them thinking of you in bed with them.

22. Send them photos

Now, if you haven’t met them yet, or you’re newly dating, we wouldn’t suggest this. However, if you are in an exclusive committed relationship, then send them photos of yourself.

You don’t necessarily need to sext, but if you want to know how to seduce someone, just send them some suggestive photos that will get them thinking about what else you could show them. [Read: How to take good nudes – 36 tips for the sexiest naked selfies ever]

23. Suggest something you haven’t tried before

Ask them how adventurous they are feeling and if they want to try something new. Suggest a new position that could be tried or some toys that are fun.

This is especially effective if you are in a long-term relationship because it reignites the spark between the two of you.

24. Ask them about their fantasies

Everyone has their own fantasies. It could be anything from group sex to trying BDSM. Ask them what they have tried and what they haven’t. Then, you can tell them that you want to help them make their fantasies come true. Tell them to suggest a date and time to get together so you can check them off their sexual bucket list! [Read: Top 50 kinky ideas worth trying at least once in your lifetime]

25. Be indirect

Sure, you could be direct and tell them outright how much you want them and what kinds of sex acts you want to perform together. But, when it comes to knowing how to seduce someone, that’s not as sexy and mysterious as being indirect.

Hint around and talk about what you like about them and what you want to do between the sheets. It gets their curiosity going and makes them think about you even more.

26. Give a massage

Massages are a great way to get physically intimate before anything sexual happens. Suggest that they take off their shirt so you can show off a new massage technique you’ve learned.

If you are in a relationship with them, then try to get them naked and put oil all over their body while you rub every part they have. If that doesn’t get them to want to get down and dirty after that… then we don’t know what will! [Read: 13 sensual massage techniques that’ll leave anyone wanting more]

27. Flirt with someone in front of them

Everyone has some sort of jealous streak in them. And let’s face it – it’s human nature to want what you can’t have. So, if they think they have “competition,” it will get them fired up.

So, when you’re out with a group of people, flirt with someone else and let them see you. But don’t do it too long. You want to go home with them, not the other person. [Read: How to make a guy jealous – 20 wicked ways to win his attention]

28. Tell them you want them

Who doesn’t like to hear that someone is lusting after them? Well, most people do. So, while you can beat around the bush *like suggested earlier* some people like it better when you just come right out and are blunt about your sexual intentions with them.

So, you will have to use your best judgment on whether the direct or indirect strategy is better for them. [Read: 20 sexy ways to tell a guy you want to have sex without feeling slutty]

29. Be positive

Positive energy is contagious and everyone loves being around someone who is happy. So, when you try to seduce someone, you want to remain positive and make them feel good. You want to lift them up with your sexual and jovial energy.

So just remember, to keep things light and fun, and tease them in just the right way. As long as you remember all of these suggestions and use them subtly, you’ll be able to seduce anyone with almost no effort at all.

[Read: How to know if you’re being seduced – The subtle tricks to know for sure]

Now that you know how to seduce someone, it’s time to start practicing! It’ll take some time to master it, but you’ll only get better with each passing day!

The post How to Seduce Someone: 29 Lustful Secrets to Make Anyone Desire You is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

28 Signs He Wants to Break Up But is Just Too Afraid to Say So

Your gut is telling you that something is wrong with your relationship, and you don’t know how he feels anymore. Here are the signs he wants to break up.

Confrontation isn’t everyone’s forte. Some people would rather stew in debilitating unsaid words than speak up and do something about it. Your man might be one of them if he’s unhappy with the relationship. The only way to figure it out before he says something is to watch for the signs he wants to break up.

And this might be rather easy. Guys aren’t that great at hiding their true intent. When it comes to something this drastic, it’ll be written all over their faces and in their actions. You just have to know how to read it. [Read: How to know if you should break up – 22 signs that can guide you]

If you’re unhappy in the relationship, he probably is too

It’s very rare that one person is completely oblivious when the other is having issues in the relationship. And since you’re here, you’re probably under the impression your man might be thinking about leaving you.

But think about your own happiness. How do you feel about the relationship? If you’re not having fun anymore, your man has noticed. 

They might not be able to pick up on as many things as girls, but they can at least tell that much. And if they know, they might be feeling insecure about things, too. [Read: How to know if your guy thinks he’s losing you already]

The subtle signs he wants to break up but won’t cough up the words

Being worried about your relationship is normal when you sense something is off. Here’s how you can figure out if that something is your man’s feelings for you. These signs point toward the signs he wants to break up, and the demise of your relationship.

1. Things have been rocky

Your relationship has been iffy for a while now. Knowing this, it’s only realistic to assume one of you isn’t happy and is thinking about calling it quits.

Some relationships go through tough times and find a way out, sure. But if your man is showing a lot of these signs along with your relationship being on the rocks, he could want to end things. [Read: How to deal with arguments in a relationship]

2. He’s spending more and more time away

If your man is thinking about leaving, he doesn’t want to be around you. He’ll often work late or go spend time with his friends a lot more than he used to. If he’s avoiding being alone with you, that’s one of the signs he wants to break up with you or is at least considering it.

3. His affection toward you has dwindled

He really doesn’t do anything nice or even say anything nice to you. This will be super obvious because you can just think back to the last cute thing he said to you. If you really can’t think of anything, he’s probably unhappy and thinking about breaking up. [Read: 16 signs he doesn’t like you anymore and is losing interest]

4. You don’t talk anymore

And this isn’t in reference to your, “how was your day?” We’re saying you don’t talk about other stuff anymore. Those deep conversations are gone. 

The ones where you sit and talk for hours without looking at your phone or having anything on the TV. When those disappear, the relationship is in trouble. [Read: 25 topics to talk about in a happy relationship]

5. No sexual intimacy

 Sex is a major part of a relationship. And sure, you could just be in a sex rut. But if you try to get things going and he’s really not into it, then something is definitely wrong.

Refusal to have sex or an absence of initiation on his end are major signs he wants to break up.

6. He’s hardly ever in a good mood around you

It’s not that he’s just cranky in general, but it’s around you. He could come home happy and playful but when you try to engage with him, he shuts down and is suddenly upset about seemingly nothing. Well, that seemingly nothing is probably just you.

7. He’s dodging your questions about his behavior

If you’ve brought his behavior up, as you should have by now because communication is important, and he just ignores you, there’s trouble.

He won’t explain the shift in how he’s acting. This is a major red flag and a sign he’s not happy with you. [Read: 20 sure reasons why a guy could be ignoring you]

8. He keeps picking arguments

This is basically in the hopes you’ll end things so he doesn’t have to. He might make a remark under his breath or even bring up old issues you thought were solved long ago.

The point is, if he’s upset and bringing up random things to argue about, it might be one of the signs he wants to break up with you.

9. You don’t even go on dates

Date nights ended long ago. When your man isn’t even interested in dating anymore, things have gone south.

You can even try to suggest a date and if he refuses or makes up lame excuses, he doesn’t really want to be with you.

10. You feel alone even when you’re together

This is probably the saddest part about this whole thing. You feel alone even if you’re both watching the same movie right next to each other. This means there’s a very large disconnect and oftentimes, it’s followed by a breakup. [Read: 15 truths about feeling alone in a relationship]

11. Nothing he used to like is working anymore

You make him his favorite meal, and he doesn’t even notice. You try to tell some jokes he used to love, and he hardly quirks a lip.

If nothing you used to do to make him happy is working anymore, it may be past the signs he wants to break up. In fact, things might be over already.

12. He pays more attention to his phone or the TV than to you

This is a very common thing nowadays that can signal a bigger problem. If he’s constantly absorbed in his own things and doesn’t even look up when you talk, he doesn’t care. If he did, he’d pay attention.

13. His friends have been ignoring you

He’s probably already told his friends how he’s feeling. If that’s truly the case, they’re probably ignoring you too. They might say hello and be polite, but if they’re distancing themselves and not involving you in any plans, it’s because your man has checked out already. [Read: How to stop feeling neglected by the one you love]

14. Nothing you do is good enough anymore

It might seem like nothing you do will ever make him happy with the way he’s acting. That could be true. He might be over it already and is detached from all the nice things you’re doing. If you notice this, he’s done with you.

15. He hardly calls or texts anymore

If you didn’t text or call him, you wonder if you would ever hear from him when you aren’t together. So, if he’s taking a long time to text you back, hardly answers his phone, or tries to “get rid of you” so he doesn’t have to talk to you, then that is one of the signs that he wants to break up with you.

16. He never says “I love you”

Maybe he always used to say “I love you” frequently at the beginning of the relationship. But as time has gone on, he says it less and less.

In fact, he doesn’t even show you how he loves you anymore by doing things for you. So, if you feel like his love is fading, that means it probably is. [Read: 20 signs he doesn’t love you anymore and it’s time for you to start backing away ASAP]

17. He doesn’t want to make future plans

You thought that you were on the same page with getting married and having kids someday. But it dawned on you that lately, he never mentions these things anymore.

It’s almost like they were never discussed about in the first place. And if he can’t even make any plans for the future, like going to a concert with you in six months, then you know he has one foot out the door.

18. He starts telling lies

Maybe you are getting suspicious of his behavior so you ask him about things. You might ask, “Who just texted you?” or “Who are you going out with after work?” but he doesn’t tell you the truth.

If you have looked through his phone or caught him in some other lies, then he is definitely not into you anymore. [Read: Lying in a relationship – 15 steps to confront a lie and heal the love]

19. He doesn’t compliment you

In the early stages of your relationship, he probably told you how beautiful you are and how he loved your body.

But lately, he’s not even noticing when you get all dressed up and look your best. This means he is not paying attention and doesn’t really care about saying nice things to you anymore. [Read: 25 things guys say when they have feelings for you]

20. You are not his priority

Let’s say you asked him to do a favor for you – and you asked him weeks ago. If he puts you off and says, “I’ll get to it,” or “I’ll let you know,” then he is not making you a priority.

Even worse, if he is always doing other activities over being with you, then you are very low on his priority list and it may be one of those signs he wants to break up with you. Or worse, he’s totally taken you for granted and doesn’t care if you leave him or stay! [Read: How to make him regret taking you for granted and change his ways for good]

21. You are the only one making an effort

Maybe you’ve talked to him and asked him to work on your problems. He might have even agreed to do so, but you are the only one putting in the effort.

You are doing nice things for him, and showing him affection. But his behavior has not changed. If this is true, then you are in a one-sided relationship, and that can never work. [Read: How to fix a one-sided relationship before it ends in failure]

22. He avoids you

You know how it feels when someone is trying to avoid you, right? If you are feeling that with him, then you’re probably right.

He might be ignoring your texts, not returning phone calls, or not showing up when he said he was going to. Many guys think this is an “easier” way to break up. He might even be doing it so you get frustrated and break up with him first so he doesn’t have to.

23. He puts his friends first

Sure, everyone has friends and likes to hang out with them. But if you see a huge shift from the two of you hanging out and going on dates a lot, to him suddenly needing to be with his friends 24/7, he is definitely trying to give you a hint that he wants to break up with you.

24. He is being secretive 

Whenever you are around him, he hides his phone or holds it in a way that you can’t see the screen. Maybe he even sleeps with it under his pillow.

Every time he gets a call, he leaves the room or declines the call. If you are seeing some shady behavior from him and he is being secretive, then that is one of the signs he wants to break up with you. [Read: 24 emotional affair signs most people don’t even realize]

25. He threatens or jokes about breaking up with you

If you fight, he might bring up the fact that you are over with. Or, he might even say it to you jokingly like, “Well, why don’t you just break up with me then?”

He’s probably saying that because he doesn’t want to come right out and do the dirty work himself. He wants to mentally prepare you for it.

26. You feel unappreciated

When you do nice things for him, he never says “thank you.” You might cook him a romantic meal, buy him a gift, or give him a massage. If he is never showing appreciation for anything you do, that means he doesn’t want to. [Read: Are you a giver who feels unappreciated in a relationship?]

27. He won’t go to couple’s therapy

If you have been together for a long time – or even married – you might have suggested going to counseling together.

If he refuses, then that is one of the signs he wants to break up with you. Even if he does go but doesn’t put in any effort, then that is just as bad because he doesn’t care about the relationship’s future.

28. You basically feel single already

If your man is making you feel single, it’s one of those major signs he wants to break up with you, even if he hasn’t said a word in that context.

Being in a relationship should make you feel, without a doubt, like you’re a part of something. If that’s not happening, something’s very, very wrong.

[Read: How to get over a guy who used you and feel powerful and whole again]

It might be a hard pill to swallow when you realize your man is exhibiting a lot of these signs he wants to break up. Confront him and get it over with before you grow to resent each other even more.

The post 28 Signs He Wants to Break Up But is Just Too Afraid to Say So is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

Mutual Breakup: Why They Happen and How to Recognize the Signs

Ending a romantic relationship is never easy – whether you wanted it or not. So, when it is a mutual breakup it might be even more confusing for you.

When you’ve been with someone for any length of time, you form a certain kind of attachment that is difficult to break. Breakups are hard. The scandal, the surprise, the mutual breakup, the slow build. It doesn’t matter how, it still is a loss.

For instance, if you’ve been married for ten years, being separated can lead to feelings of extreme abandonment and confusion. This person was your rock for however many years you were together and suddenly everything has gone wrong. It’s enough to shake someone’s very foundations.

But time is no measurement of intensity when it comes to feelings. You can feel everything and the kitchen sink for a person when you’ve been together for one year, while a couple who’s been together for five years may have much less of that intensity. It’s about individuals, but any kind of breakup is painful.

[Read: Why does love hurt when it goes bad? The truth you need to hear]

What is a mutual breakup?

Usually, when we think of a couple breaking up, we think that one person does the breaking up and the other person is heartbroken about it. But in a mutual breakup, both people equally want to part ways.

It doesn’t even matter how long the couple was together, both of the people “aren’t feeling it” anymore. It could be for a variety of reasons such as fighting too much, no affection, they’re not compatible, they grew apart, or they fell out of love.

So, it doesn’t matter why the two people want to break up, the fact of the matter is that they both are done with the relationship. In some ways, it’s easier, but in other ways, it’s not. [Read: Am I falling out of love or am I just stuck in a rut in life?]

Why are mutual breakups so hard?

When we get into a serious relationship, most people hope it will last and they will live happily ever after. It’s almost as if they construct a fantasy in their mind of what it will be like.

But then, reality hits them. The real-life relationship is nothing like they had envisioned it to be – for either of them.

So, if both of you want to break up, why is it still so hard to do? Well, think about it. First, it’s not only the death of a relationship, it’s the end of the fantasy or dream you had planned for the two of you. It’s almost as difficult to let go of that image as it is the person you are breaking up with.

Next, when you are the one doing the breaking up, you still can “feel good” about yourself if the other person still wants to be with you. But if the other person doesn’t want to be with you anymore either, it can be a bit of a blow to your ego. [Read: 20 best questions to as an ex after a breakup to find closure]

So, not only are you dealing with a breakup, but you also have to face the fact that a person doesn’t want to be with you anymore.

You might start feeling down on yourself and ask questions like, “What’s wrong with me?” or “What did I do wrong?” or “Why don’t they love me anymore?”

Another reason a mutual breakup is so hard is that you saw it coming. You might have wanted to ignore it and avoid the breakup as much as possible, but your intuition told you that it was on its way.

Maybe the two of you are still friends, but the romance and sex are gone. Or perhaps you hate each other’s guts. Either way, you know it’s not a good relationship and something needs to change. 

Regardless of whether you want it or not, you will still be hurt. It’s still a loss even if you wanted it. So, it’s normal to grieve the end of it, so allow yourself the space to do that. [Read: How long does it take to get over a breakup – The real timeline]

When you feel the end

When nothing, in particular, happens to cause the breakup *e.g. there is no cheating scandal, no big resentful issue, and no event to lead towards a huge argument* it can be even harder to end things.

Sometimes things just don’t work out, sometimes couples just don’t feel the same anymore, and they become more like friends than lovers. In this case, a mutual breakup is often the only way to set each other free.

Is it harder, or is it easier?

Confusing, that’s probably the best way to put it. [Read: Relationship feels like friendship? The best ways to naughty it up]

What a mutual breakup feels like

A very close friend of mine was in this very situation. She had been with her partner for six years, and they were engaged to be married. Everything was going okay, but it was never hugely passionate or exciting. 

They went about their business every day, had their dinner together at the same time on a daily basis, and gave each other gifts at Christmas time. It was fine, it was predictable.

My friend didn’t want predictable, she wanted something more. Her partner did too. Their relationship became more like brother and sister than anything else. One day, they both sat down and decided that there was more to life than being in a dull relationship. [Read: 20 honest reasons why people get bored with their relationship]

They loved each other, but in a different way, and they both cared about the other one enough to realize that they deserved more. A classic example of a mutual breakup.

I asked her how it felt. I personally have never had this type of calm breakup. My breakups always included the fireworks, tears, screaming, and endless sobbing. 

In some ways I envied her, but then she told me how it felt numb. She felt very sad, and there was nothing she could do to change it, and nobody to blame made her even sadder.

The whole thing made me feel sad for them. [Read: Is it time to let go? 14 reasons why good relationships end out of the blue]

A mutual breakup is the ultimate sacrifice of love

When you love someone but realize it’s not going to work, it’s a terrible, sinking feeling. When you both sit down and talk about it and you realize that no matter how hard you tried, it’s just not going to work out, you make a mature and brave decision.

You choose to let that person go and be happy, rather than being selfish and keeping them for yourself. You love them, but you’re not in love with them anymore.

It happens, and it’s not something to feel guilty about.

Choosing to allow the person you care about, someone you are now simply ‘fond of’ to go and find someone else who can give them the passionate love they deserve is a selfless act. They do the same thing for you. The mutual breakup has turned into the ultimate declaration and sacrifice of love.

You see these kinds of mutual breakups in celebrity magazines and social media all the time. For instance, a couple who have been married for x number of years will put out a joint Instagram post announcing that ‘after much soul-searching’ they decided to part ways. However, they remain the best of friends and have a world of love for each other.’

This normally happens when a couple has children and decided to co-parent, separately. [Read: 12 real reasons why couples drift apart over time]

Dealing with a mutual breakup

I was by my friend’s side throughout the aftermath of her mutual breakup. The difference in the way she coped was stark.

My breakups in the past involved ice cream, Beyonce songs, and plentiful wine and wailing. But hers involved her quietly getting on with her life and trying to be positive. 

He moved out of the house and took his things the following day; her life had been attached to him for so long and now he was gone, but there was no huge event to blame it on.

She told me that in some ways she wished he had cheated because she could shout at him and blame him. The way she felt was empty and sad, nothing more.

Of course, eventually, she got herself together and managed to find happiness once more. Ironically, she is now in a relationship that gives her everything she wanted. And she is still very good friends with her ex. [Read: How to find yourself again after a seriously low point in life]

A mature type of breakup?

This is actually a very common theme in mutual breakups, the desire to want to stay friends with the ex-partner. The mutual breakup may be confusing and life-changing in a less than firework-inducing manner. But it is also the most mature type of breakup.

Dealing with a mutual breakup is about knowing that it is for the best. When you are sure of this fact, you are better able to move on with your life, taking your time and moving slowly. My friend decided not to contact or see her ex for the first month after they broke up. [Read: The no contact rule – What it is, how to use it and why it works so well]

She said this helped her heal and as a result, she is now able to have a healthy friendship with him. Most people would agree with her. [Read: How to end a relationship without the bitterness and drama]

Which is easier, a mutual breakup or a screaming breakup?

This really leads us to ask the key question, which type of breakup is easier? The answer is neither. Every type of breakup hurts in different ways. When we’re cheated on and lied to, it breaks our hearts. 

And when we realize that we love someone and can’t be with them, it breaks our heart. If we’ve spent years of our life with someone and it’s just not working, it breaks our heart.

Heartbreak is heartbreak. No matter how it happens, or who did the breaking up. [Read: How to get over a breakup and pick up the pieces of your heart]

The key is in knowing that you did the right thing. If you have that peace of mind, moving on is far easier. For my friend, the brave joint decision to end the relationship turned out to be the best thing they ever did, for the both of them. He is now married and expecting a child, and she is engaged and having a wonderful time.

How to get over a mutual breakup

As we said earlier, a breakup is still a breakup – an ending – even if it was mutual. So, you might not be happy and relieved *although you might be*. But here are some ways you can get over a mutual breakup.

Spend time with friends

It’s not uncommon for people to spend less time with their friends when they are in a romantic relationship. It’s a natural thing because it’s expected that couples spend more time with each other than they do with their friends. [Read: Breakup anxiety – how to deal with it and overcome your biggest fears]

But, that doesn’t mean you haven’t missed out on some fun times with your friends while you were in a committed relationship. So, make sure you reconnect with everyone you love that you didn’t spend as much time with when you were in a romantic relationship. This is a perfect time to do it.

Distract yourself

You can distract yourself in a lot of different ways. You can focus more on work, family, get a new hobby, and as we said above, spend more time with friends. 

Read the books you have been putting off reading, go pamper yourself with a massage, or learn a new skill or hobby. It doesn’t matter what you do.

The point is to keep yourself busy so you don’t notice the void that the mutual breakup has created. When your life is full, you won’t feel as bad about the breakup. [Read: What to do after a breakup – 16 heart-soothing tricks to help you heal faster]

Start dating again

When you feel like you’re ready after a mutual breakup, then get out there and start dating again! Just because this relationship didn’t work out doesn’t mean the right person isn’t out there for you. But, they aren’t going to come walking up to your door to find you. You have to go find them.

So, get on dating apps. Go to places where there are single people to meet. When you start looking for more fish in the sea, you will quickly start feeling better. Plus, you will have some fun along the way.

[Read: 15 guidelines you need to follow if you want to forgive and forget]

A mutual breakup is just as painful as any other type of breakup. Being mature enough to sit down and realize that the love you have for each other just isn’t enough anymore. It is something to be commended. 

The post Mutual Breakup: Why They Happen and How to Recognize the Signs is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

How to Fall in Love Slowly: 28 Steps to Create a Real-Life Fairytale

New relationships are exciting. But, it’s also important to know how to fall in love slowly so it will last long-term. Here is everything you need to know.

For many people in the world, love is overrated and hyped. But the truth is, many people don’t actually believe in love because they don’t know know how to fall in love slowly.

They believe that cohabiting or getting married is just a way to find someone who can help you when you need help.

Honestly, that’s just sad.

How can you ever find true love or experience the bliss of romance if you don’t even believe it exists?

We’ll tell you this. Love does exist. And it’s a beautiful thing. Falling in love can feel like a beautiful fairytale if you just know how to experience it.

So, let’s talk about what it means to fall in love slowly, the benefits, and how to do it the right way. First, we’ll start with what it means.

[Read: What is true love? 22 signs of love to know if your love is real]

What does it mean to fall in love slowly?

Taking your time to fall in love means moving the relationship forward at a rate that you’re both comfortable with. This includes commitment, feelings, and intimacy.

However, falling in love slowly means different things to different people. We’re all unique and go at our own pace and value different things. Because of this, it’s important to be open and honest with the person you’re dating to make sure you both know how to fall in love slowly.

Some people might perceive wanting to take things slowly to be a bad thing. The reason they think this, is because they assume the other person is unsure about how they feel about them. Or maybe they’ve been hurt in the past and are protecting themselves if they feel like someone isn’t going all in as soon as they can.

But falling in love slowly isn’t always a bad idea. In fact, there are a lot of benefits to it. So, let’s take a look at some of them. [Read: How to slow down a relationship – 18 ways to do it and not hurt them]

Benefits of knowing how to fall in love slowly

Honestly, a lot of the relationships that start out quickly don’t always last. They tend to start with a bang and then fizzle out just as suddenly.

These are romances that are whirlwinds and are mostly built on lust, not love. They “fall in love” with an illusion or fantasy of the other person. And then that fades – or it all becomes too intense, and one or both people want to call it quits. [Read: How long does it take to fall in love? The answer to know for sure]

So, here’s why it is beneficial to fall in love slowly.

1. You can establish a friendship

Let’s face it – if you decide to stay together for the rest of your lives, your beauty will eventually fade. So, if you’re mostly basing your relationship on sexual attraction, then it will be a weak foundation. That’s why you should focus on building a strong friendship as well. [Read: First date with a friend – How to go from friends to something more]

2. You can extend the new early part of the relationship

Everyone loves those butterflies that you feel when you fall in love. But they don’t last forever. So, when you know how to fall in love slowly, you can extend this beautiful phase of the relationship.

3. You can spend more time building a deep connection

When you fall in love slowly, it means that you are also building a deep connection. You want that strong foundation to build the rest of your relationship on. When you go too quickly, the connection is usually based on mundane, surface characteristics. [Read: The honeymoon phase and how to calculate how long it’ll last for you]

4. You can figure out what’s infatuation and what are true feelings

A lot of people mistake infatuation with the true feelings of being in love. But it’s really vague in the beginning. It’s easy to think your “feelings of being in love” are actually love. However, it might only be lust. [Read: Infatuation vs. love – 20 ways you can tell the difference]

5. You give your time to see red flags

When rush into falling in love, we often miss the red flags we should have seen.

In other words, we don’t see the other person’s flaws and how they are not compatible with us. But when you go slowly, you have the opportunity to see those before it’s too late. [Read: 34 big relationship red flags most people completely ignore early in a relationship]

6. You can keep your life balanced

Often, when someone gets into a new relationship, they will shift their priorities in life almost completely over to their new partner. So, other things fall at the wayside.

But when you learn to fall in love slowly, you can still make time for the other things that are important to you like friends, work, hobbies, and family.

7. You can still fulfill yourself by keeping some space

Everyone needs a little alone time. It’s healthy to have me-time and learn to grow as a person – by yourself. So, when you take your time in a relationship, you can still have some space to work on your self-love too. [Read: You-complete-me relationships and why you need your space]

8. You can gain more confidence in the relationship

Finally, when you go slowly, you can take the time to build trust with each other. This will make you much more confident in your relationship long-term.

Without trust, there is no relationship. So, if you take the time to do this, then you have a greater chance the partnership will survive long-term.

How to fall in love slowly like you’re in a fairytale – the right way

If you know how to fall in love slowly with someone and enjoy every moment of it, you’ll be able to experience it and cherish it better than many others who think love is just an excuse for sex or a way to lean on someone else.

It doesn’t matter if you’re already in love or falling in love with someone right this moment, just use these tips on how to fall in love slowly like you’re in a fairytale, and guess what, you will fall into a perfect one! [Read: How to be patient in a new relationship and avoid risking new love]

1. Stretch the wooing period

Both of you may like each other a lot already. But don’t ask each other out too soon. Stretch the wooing for as long as both of you possibly can. The longer you play the chase, the deeper and truer your love will be. 

Just enjoy the dating period for a while and both of you will truly value the relationship and the commitment to each other. [Read: How to woo a girl and make her fall for you]

2. Fall in love with each other even before popping the question

As humans, we only enjoy something and value it when we’ve worked hard to achieve it. Even if there’s a lot of love in the air, let the confusion stay for a while.

Linger and date each other for a few months, maybe even six months before both of you give your relationship a name.

By doing this, you’ll always remember your wooing and pursuing days forever and treasure every step you took before actually committing to each other. And if your partner couldn’t wait even a few months, could they really be satisfied with you for the rest of your life? [Read: 30 relationship rules for successful lovelife]

3. Don’t have sex for as long as you can hold it

It might be old-fashioned to say this, but in these days of fast love and casual sex, all of us are ever ready to take a plunge into bed as soon as we possibly can. 

It’s not a bad thing, but at times, prolonging it can actually bring both of you closer without the confusion of sex and lust which can create a strong infatuation that can be confused with love.

4. Go out of your way to please each other

Fairytales have a lot of evil plots. You really don’t need them in your life. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t go out of your way to do something special for your lover.

At least in the first few months of love, put in your effort and labor of love to prove your love for this special person. [Read: A sweet example of the labor of unconditional love]

5. Always look good on a date

Fairytale romances always look so beautiful. The setting is always perfect. The lovers look pretty and the dates look like, well, fairytales. If you really want to experience falling in love slowly like a fairytale, learn to look good for each other. 

Awe your date each time with your charm, beauty and grace, and both of you will create a picture-perfect romance wherever you go. [Read: How to be graceful and elegant all the time]

6. Don’t spend too much time meeting each other at the beginning

Unless you’re living together already, don’t crowd each other’s spaces. Give space to miss each other and fall more in love all the time. Sometimes, it takes missing each other to fall more in love with each other. 

You can meet each other every day if you want to, but don’t spend all your free time together. Learn to miss your lover and your love will bloom like never before. [Read: How much time should couples spend together? The exact answers you need]

7. Be the perfect lady and gentleman for each other

Boring lovers say chivalry is dead. But true lovers know it’s actually the only way to show much you care about each other.

Treat each other like knights and damsels when you’re with each other. Respect each other and always look for ways to make something easier for each other. [Read: How to be chivalrous in these modern times]

8. Keep the chase alive after getting into the relationship

Don’t be easy to get. Compromise, give in, but don’t be a doormat. As much as falling in love should be about giving in to each other’s wants, it’s not about putting up with each other.

Never lose respect for each other and learn to put your foot down or play hard to get when your partner disrespects you or takes you for granted.

9. Stay in touch

Old fairytales are filled with love letters and thoughtful souvenirs of love. You don’t have to be with each other all the time, but keep each other updated through little texts and happy surprises. 

Buy little gifts when you go shopping by yourself, or when you see something your partner may like. Take off on weekend getaways or vacations now and then to keep the connection alive. [Read: The beginners guide to writing a perfect love letter]

10. Create new experiences all the time

Love is impatient, just like youth. You’d want to experience everything it has to offer immediately. But if you genuinely think you like someone, don’t rush into it. 

Plan activities with your partner but keep a few experiences in mind for later too. Love, just like everything else in life, has to be fueled constantly with new experiences.

11. Make an effort to stay loyal

Sometimes, it’s not easy to stay loyal when there are so many good-looking people and flirty banter all around us. 

But ask yourself, is a few minutes of orgasms worth breaking the special bond you have with your lover? Would you intentionally want to break your lover’s heart just for a bit of casual fun with someone else? It’s hard to stay loyal, but always remember that it’s worth it. [Read: The right way to resist temptation in love]

12. Communicate with each other

Spend a lot of time talking to each other and learn about each other’s wants and desires in all aspects of your lives if you want to fall in love like a fairytale. [Read: The best things to talk about in a perfect relationship]

13. Always end an argument

You don’t have to fear arguments in a relationship. Fairytales have them too. But what matters when you have an argument is the way you end it. Never walk away from an argument and shut the door on your partner. 

Even if it hurts like crazy, talk about it and always end the argument with a warm hug and a kiss, even if you’re clenching your fists behind your partner’s back a moment before. [Read: Relationship arguments and 27 dos and don’ts to remember]

14. Don’t ignore sex once you get intimate

Yes, seeing the same naked body night after night is bound to get rather boring after a while. But good sex is very important if you want to keep love alive in your relationship.

Look for ways to recreate the passion of first-time sex and your relationship will be perfect forever. [Read: 50 kinky ideas to make sex sexier for a full lifetime!]

15. Special gestures

Falling in love is easy when there’s attraction and infatuation in the air. Staying in love needs a few reminders now and then.

Don’t overlook the smallest of gestures if you think they’ll bring a smile to your lover’s lips. [Read: 25 sweet romantic gestures for everyday life]

16. Make long term plans

Talk about your lives together with each other. Make little plans together for the future. Can you imagine waking up every morning with no purpose or direction? Your life would be rather dull and boring, don’t you think? 

If you want to fall in love and stay in love, you need to give meaning and a purpose to your relationship by creating little milestones and goals to keep the excitement and passion alive. [Read: How to have a long term relationship that lasts]

Buy tickets to a convert three months from now, decide on a vacation a year from now, make plans to buy something together two years from now.

Love isn’t just about this moment, it’s about looking forward and realizing that there are so many more things to look forward to, together.

17. Always look at the bright side

Be happy and cheerful in your everyday lives. People who dwell on sadness and pain have a way of attracting it in their daily lives.

If you want your love life to feel like a fairytale, be positive in your thoughts and expectations from the relationship. If you fear your relationship is going downward, in all probability, it will. [Read: How to be more positive – 24 steps to happy and dramatic life shift]

18. Create memories and save them

If you want to know how to fall in love slowly and keep the love alive, never let love get repetitive or stagnant. Don’t ever take each other for granted either. Instead, share new activities together, be it gardening or going on a trek. 

Make new memories all the time. Even if it seems trivial today, it’ll hold a lot of value a year or even a decade from now. Create a handmade souvenir, write a little love note, or gift your partner something small but lasting. It only takes a moment, but these last a lifetime.

Always take photographs or make videos together. Special memories of everyday casual moments can actually help both of you fall more in love with each other each time you watch those photographs or videos again. [Read: Instant relationship – How to slow down and prepare for happiness]

19. Don’t have expectations

When you rush into a relationship, you tend to have more expectations. But, when you take your time and fall in love slowly, you can have realistic expectations of what is going to happen between the two of you.

Sometimes our expectations are too high and no one can really reach them long-term. So, this gives you a chance to put things into perspective. [Read: 20 healthy expectations in a relationship that define a good love life]

20. Make sure to be yourself

When we first start dating someone, a lot of people aren’t their “true self.” Instead, they put on their “best self” which is not who they truly are. After a while, their true self eventually comes to the surface and that can be a make or break time.

But if you are your true self while you go slowly, then the other person will fall in love with who you really are, not who you pretend to be. And the same goes for you falling in love with the real them too.

[Read: Why relationships fail – 25 reasons why so many relationships fall apart all the time]

Don’t lose faith in love. Your dream of perfect love is in your own hands. Understand how to fall in love slowly and stay in love the right way, and your fairytale romance will definitely have a happily ever after.

The post How to Fall in Love Slowly: 28 Steps to Create a Real-Life Fairytale is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

Why Girls Suddenly 'Pop Back Up' Again

She quit responding to your texts, but then, months later, there she is, messaging you to meet up. What happened, and why did she reappear?

Remember that girl you were texting a couple months ago, who kept dodging your date requests, then eventually ghosted you completely?

Well, she just texted you again, and now it seems like she wants to meet.

What the heck happened?

Should you accept her invitation after that, well, period of darkness she put you through?

There's a simple explanation for why women go through these 'dark periods', and once you understand it, you probably won't take them too personally.

That explanation is this:

She started seeing some other guy, and dropped off the map.

However, she has now stopped seeing him, and she's back on the map again.

How to Compete with the Other Guys Texting Her

As more and more men crowd into women’s profiles and messages, how do you get a girl’s attention on the phone? By declining to compete the ordinary ways.

Hey guys and welcome back.

Contents

I. Texting: An Economic Perspective

II. How to Play in a Competitive Market

1. Have The Best Product and Become a Texting God

2. Minimal Texting

3. Video Messages

III. Conclusion

Earlier this year, I discussed how neo-direct game makes everything much harder. It can trigger premature rejections as women display high standards from being in a position of power, which you put them in by showing too much interest too early.

Because of the surge of neo-direct game, many men who experiment with cold approach pickup would face harsh rejections and find women acting testy and displaying insanely high standards (because men put them in a position where they do so).

To add to the frustration, the popularization of online dating apps such as Tinder have a bad male-to-female ratio (over 70% of men). Plus, women often use Tinder to promote their Instagram. It is discouraging to be ignored constantly and not receive likes and not have girls respond to your messages.

So men feel that women have high standards:

• Men don’t get results and are ignored on Tinder

• Men get rejected prematurely in real life from using the wrong approach

• Women are in a powerful position to do so due to the frame men set

But there is another dimension I would like to discuss here.

Let’s say, after plenty of harsh rejections in real life, that a guy finally gets a decent hook out of luck.

Now that is awesome! I am happy for him.

He takes her number. He texts her. No response. Or maybe she responds, but now she doesn’t seem nearly as interested. And maybe when the time comes, she flakes.

We have seen an epidemic of flakes lately. There’s a reason why texting products are in high demand. It’s extremely frustrating not to get a response from a girl you thought you had a good shot with, but when she flakes, it is devastating.

This is the subject I want to discuss today. I will not cover the basics for why women may flake, which could be summarized as:

• Her mood may change when you are not around. She was stimulated when you met her, but tomorrow is a different day, and she’s in a different mood.

• As time has passed, she may have forgotten how you made her feel. Her compliance lowers.

• Because of the limitations of texting (she can’t hear your voice, see your face, and vice versa) and you are not communicating in real-time, you cannot calibrate on the spot.

So she may flake.

But something has changed over the years. Back in the day, a solid interaction and some good texting would have a higher chance of leading to a meet-up than today. Of course, flakes always occur. That’s just the way things are. But things have gotten worse.

Why is that? And what can we do about it?