Thursday, 2 February 2023

50 VERY Good Conversation Starters that’ll Make Anyone Love Talking to You!

Kicking off a conversation can be tough, but awkward silences are just too painful. These good conversation starters will help you out! 

Good Conversation Starters

We’ve all been there at some point in our lives. We approach someone with the goal of talking to them but we just can’t, for the life of us, think of something to talk about. You really want to have a conversation with them, but you just have no idea where to begin. That’s when knowing some good conversation starters would come in really handy, right?

Sure, you could go with, “Wow, this weather is crazy, right?” But that’s just the most overused conversation starter out there and it actually makes things really awkward.

You can only say so much about the weather, after all. No, you need more good conversation starters up your sleeve. [Read: Easy ways to avoid awkward silences during a date]

Why conversation starters are helpful

Conversation starters are really hard to think of in the moment because there’s usually so much pressure.

It’s difficult to walk up to someone you don’t know and attempt to have a meaningful conversation with them, especially if they weren’t expecting it or you’re making all the effort. But the truth is that most meaningful conversations take place between people who know each other well.

That’s not to say that it’s impossible, though. Even if it might be difficult and a little nerve-wracking at first, you can start a great conversation with a stranger as long as you have some good conversation starters like these ones up your sleeve.

Good conversation starters are important to know because they are a way to break the ice and make a quick impression. Once you wow them with a great starter, the conversation will flow. [Read: 30 random questions to ask a guy and break the awkward silence]

How do you start a fun conversation? Tips to get moving!

Before we get into any specifics of which good conversation starters to use, you should first understand a few guidelines to help assess the situation and choose which conversation starters to try. Whether it’s a first date or a regular conversation with a stranger, these tips will help:

1. Look at their surroundings

Much of the time, a person’s surroundings can either tell you a great deal about them or can help you think of something to talk about.

Whether it’s their t-shirt with a specific band on it or what they’re watching on the TV at the bar, you’ll find something to talk about based on where they are and what’s around them. [Read: Do couples always have to like the same things?]

2. Pay attention to their body language

Body language can also tell you a lot about whether someone is enjoying the topic of discussion or not. Someone who is facing you, holding eye contact, and smiling is probably enjoying and interested in the topic and also talking to you.

On the other hand, a person who is facing away from you and isn’t engaged very much most likely doesn’t care about it. [Read: Lusty signs of sexual attraction to keep an eye on]

3. Start light and avoid controversial topics

When you’re starting a conversation with a stranger, you can’t just dive right into talking about someone’s worst fears.

If you really don’t know them that well, you should start with something light that, depending on whether it’s going well or not, you can delve into deeper.

Just don’t talk about stuff people tend to have very strong opinions about, such as politics. This can help avoid a clash and argument, and also guarantee your chances of having a successful conversation.

If however they do ask you something that you think will cause a head-bashing tournament, just move away from it and swerve to a different topic.

4. Stay away from religious topics

Moving on from the last point, unless you met in a religion-specific environment, like a church or a religion-specific dating site, try to avoid these topics.

You may both have the exact same beliefs but that’s not really important on the first date. Second date? Absolutely. But the first date is about establishing if you have a connection. [Read: Meaningful topics that ignite an intellectual conversation]

5. Have confidence

If you’re really unsure about how to start a conversation with someone you don’t know, then just be yourself and show them how much you like yourself.

Never underestimate the power of having a lot of confidence when making conversation. If you love yourself, they’ll also end up liking you.

6. If appropriate, flirt a little bit

If you’re on a date, then don’t be afraid to let your flirty side out. First dates aren’t about being all proper and reserved, so if you like them or are attracted to them, don’t hide it!

Let them know you’re interested *if you are* and the flirting can also help keep the conversation light and fun.

7. Let the conversation flow

No one likes being stuck in a conversation, so if you think it’s naturally peetering out, let it. Also, if you’re going off topic from what you have planned, that’s perfectly fine.

Just let the conversation progress naturally; you may then find that you don’t need any starters at all. [Read: How to keep a conversation going with the opposite sex]

Good conversation starters for when you just can’t think straight

Now that we’ve covered the basics, here are some great conversation starters that’ll help land you a fantastic first discussion with someone.

1. Have you read any good books lately? [Read: 30 most romantic love quotes from books and literature]

2. What’s something about yourself that you never want to change?

3. So, what do you like to do?

4. Is your job something you enjoy doing? [Read: How to balance your career, social life, and dating life]

5. What’s a strange habit that you have?

6. What person, dead or alive, would you want to meet, and why?

7. Do you come here often?

8. So what’s your story? [Read: How to talk about a past relationship with your partner]

9. I noticed you like _____. Could you tell me about it because I don’t know a lot about that

10. Have you been to anything like this before?

11. So, tell me about what you’re working on right now

12. Who do you know here?

13. Have you seen the latest trending video about _____? [Read: Love trends that are taking the internet by storm]

14. Do you have any funny obsessions right now?

15. What’s the best way to waste time, in your opinion?

16. What’s something that’s really popular but annoys the hell out of you?

17. Do you have any pets? [Read: Tips for couples who are planning to get a pet]

18. If you could have just one animal as a pet, what would it be, and why?

19. How would you describe your perfect weekend? [Read: 15 reasons why you should travel at least once a year]

20. Do you have any tattoos?

21. Do you have a reoccurring crazy dream?

22. What’s the most annoying habit someone can have? [Read: Dating behaviors that are extremely unattractive]

23. Are you still friends with anyone from elementary school?

24. What’s your favorite season? [Read: 20 perfectly romantic winter dates and breaks]

25. Do you like thunderstorms?

26. Are you a big coffee connoisseur? 

27. What’s one thing that’s always fun for you? [Read: 20 questions to ask on a first date for the best conversation]

28. If you could live in one place forever, where would it be? 

29. Have you ever been on an awful first date? [Read: Little things that are sure to turn off your date]

30. Do you like movies or TV shows better? 

31. What were you like as a kid? 

32. Do you have any cool or embarrassing nicknames? If so, where did they come from?

33. What’s your biggest goal right now? 

34. 5 years ago, would you have expected yourself to be where you are today? [Read: Life questions to help you visualize your future]

35. How would your friends describe you?

36. Do you have any pet peeves? 

37. What does your ideal free time look like? [Read: Signs you’re compatible with the one you’re dating]

38. What was your favorite childhood cartoon? 

39. What’s one thing you want me to know about you before leaving today? [Read: 18 signs your date really likes you on your first date]

40. What flavor of ice cream do you wish existed?

41. If you had a personal mascot, what would your mascot be?

42. Time freezes for everyone but you for one day. What do you do?

43. What does your own personal hell look like? How about your own personal heaven?

44. What’s the most refreshing thing on a hot summer’s day?

45. What is the craziest, most outrageous thing you want to achieve? [Read: 50 crazy and impulsive things to do with friends you won’t ever forget]

46. Do you have a favorite shirt. If so, why is it your favorite?

47. What piece of technology would look like magic or a miracle to people in medieval Europe?

48. What song always puts you in a good mood?

49. What smell brings back great memories? [Read: Old love letters and memories – keep or throw them?]

*Bonus Question*

Have you ever heard of LovePanky.com? If you ask them this and they have heard of us, then they’ll have loads to discuss with you about all our amazing content that they can relate to. If they haven’t, then you have something great to introduce them to.

[Read: 60 more get to know you questions for a new romance]

Remember that not all conversations have to be boring and cliché. These good conversation starters will save you when you get tongue-tied, and may even help you get to know each other on a much deeper level.

The post 50 VERY Good Conversation Starters that’ll Make Anyone Love Talking to You! is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.



35 Slippery Good Lube Substitutes, How & When To Use Them & Ones to Avoid

Oh no! You are out of lube. What will you do? Don’t worry, you don’t need to make a mad dash to the store. Here are some lube substitutes you can try.

lube substitutes alternatives

Sometimes you need to have sex now, like right now. Of course, when you’re in the moment, you’re rummaging around your house trying to find your XY lubricant gel. But you can’t find it! What are the best lube substitutes for your store-bought lube? We have just what you need.

The importance of lubricant

Lubricant is an essential commodity that couples cannot go without during sex. Not only does it create extra pleasure and comfort, but it also provides protection from nasty abrasions that come during the act of sex. 

The vagina is good at keeping itself moist, especially when aroused. Fluid from the cervix and secretions from two pea-sized glands at the entrance of the vagina helps keep it lubricated. [Read: How to use lubricants to liven up your sex life immediately]

However, occasional vaginal dryness isn’t uncommon, so there are times when it’s best to use a lubricant. Artificial lube replaces natural vaginal secretions, and it can reduce any discomfort the partners might have.

When to use lube substitutes

So, how do you know when to use an artificial lubricant? Here are some situations when you might have to use it. [Read: Oil as lube? How to know what’s safe to use and what’s to be avoided]

1. She is taking a medication that reduces lubricant

There are certain medications that can reduce the amount of lubricant that a woman produces naturally. So, check the prescriptions that she is taking to see if this is part of the problem. If so, ask your doctor for an alternative.

2. Changes in hormone levels during or after pregnancy

Pregnancy and childbirth cause a woman’s hormones to go a bit wild for over a year. So, this can also influence how wet she gets during sex. 

This is something that will come back with time. But meanwhile, you might want to use some artificial lube. [Read: Tokophobia – the fear of pregnancy and everything you need to know]

3. Menopause

Just like pregnancy and childbirth can change hormones, so do menopause and perimenopause *the years leading up to menopause*. 

As a result, the woman’s vagina doesn’t produce as much lubricant as it did pre-menopause. [Read: Midlife crisis for women – 27 signs, how it hits you and what you feel inside]

4. Long sessions of sexual activity 

Some people love having long marathon sex sessions. While that can be a lot of fun, sometimes a woman’s vaginal lubricant can “dry up.” There are a number of reasons for this, but it’s pretty common.

5. Pain or itching in the vagina

If a woman is experiencing pain or itching in her vagina, then the vaginal tissue can become very dry. That is another situation where you will benefit from using an artificial lubricant.

So, when the unfortunate happens and the woman runs out of her natural lubricant, don’t just go for the nearest slippery liquid in place of a standard lubricant. Read this list instead. [Read: 15 best lubricants hiding in your kitchen]

Considerations for lube substitutes

There are three types of commercial lubricants. The most commonly-used variant is the water-based lubricant composed of water-soluble glycerin or cellulose-ether solutions. 

This type is common for three main reasons: (1) their raw materials are easily obtainable and affordable, (2) they are condom-friendly, and (3) less risk of allergic reactions.

It is best to choose a lube substitute that mimics the commercial brand properties. [Read: How to have safe sex in every single way it is possible to]

However, there will be instances when you compromise one or two of the benefits of commercial lube, so it is wise to know the properties of the lube substitute that you will be using to adopt some precautionary measures prior to use.

1. Safety – know if your lube substitute is condom-friendly

As a rule of thumb, only water-based lube pairs well with most types of condoms. So, if you’re planning to use an oil-based substitute for your lube, you risk breaking the condom. 

It is best to discuss an alternative birth control measure with a partner if an oil-based lube is considered. [Read: How to be a condom know-it-all in five minutes]

2. Safety – know if you have allergies

Good lube substitutes, especially those coming from natural oils, may have allergic effects for some. If you have certain allergies, avoid those kinds of lube substitutes that might trigger them and instead choose a safer alternative.

3. Safety – hygiene and infection risks

Remember, lubricant substitutes are still foreign substances that you’re applying to your genital areas connected to the insides of your body. 

Using lubricant substitutes, especially those that can be a potential bacteria breeding ground, poses an infection risk which can be mitigated by observing proper washing and hygiene after use. [Read: Vaginal odor – 35 secrets to making your vagina smell good and taste even better]

4. Safety – do not multi-use massage oil

Massage oil is used for one thing and one thing only: massages. You’re probably thinking that you could double the oil as a lubricant. In theory, it doesn’t sound like a bad idea. 

But, if you’re thinking of saving a couple of dollars, well, having a kid is much more than $2. So, don’t cheap out.

5. Ease of use

Some lubricants are easier to use than others. It could be because of availability or even convenience. [Read: Big health benefits of sex and more that’ll help you live longer]

Something that you have laying around in your kitchen already is better than needing to go to the store to find a lube substitute. So, choose something that is not only safe but easy to use.

6. Expect unpleasant stains and smells

Finally, using certain types of lubricant substitutes may leave undesirable stains and smells on your bedsheets. 

Some types of oils may be safe for your skin, but leave a tell-tale mark on your bed sheet. [Read: The 7 smelliest body parts that can ruin perfectly good sex]

Know whether your alternative lubricant is also safe for your bed covers or place an additional cover on your bed if you really want to use that lubricant.

7. Be gentle when cleaning

If you’re a woman, another cause for vaginal dryness could be over-washing your vagina. If you wash your vagina over two times a day, you actually disrupt your body’s pH balance which causes vaginal dryness.

Different types of lube

Regardless of the lube you end up using, there are three types of lubricants: oil-based, water-based, and silicone-based.

To figure out which one is the best one for you, you need to know the differences between them. [Read: Queefing – what it is, 23 reasons why girls queef, and secrets to make it stop]

1. Oil-based 

You can easily find oil-based products around your house. Maybe you were considering using baby oil or mineral oil as lube. 

Well, that would be a disaster if you’re using a latex condom. They’ll eat it up in no time.

2. Water-based 

These are the most common type of lubricant. [Read: The nooner – what it is, how it works, and 22 tips to enjoy a sexy siesta]

Because they’re water-based, it’s less likely to cause an allergic reaction and they’re great for sensitive skin. It also doesn’t taste like lube, so it’s more natural.

3. Silicone-based 

Silicone-based lubricants are long-lasting compared to water-based lubes, and they’re also safe to use with condoms. 

If you’ve felt silicone before, you’ll know the soft feeling they leave you with. [Read: When sex hurts for women – The causes of painful sex]

Foods to use as a lube substitute 

Sure, the packaging is nice, but you don’t have to go name-brand in order to lubricate yourself. Lube is lube, so we’re here to tell you some of the other options for having a good time. And they all work.

1. Aloe Vera

Aloe Vera has been used in natural hair moisturizers for after-sun care, but many people never thought about its lubricating properties. Aloe Vera makes the vaginal skin extremely soft and also prevents yeast infections.

Not only that, aloe vera has anti-bacterial properties, helping you lessen the risk of infection down there. [Read: What does a vagina taste like? People tell it like it is]

If you are planning to use aloe vera as a lubricant, it is advisable to use 100% of the pure stuff rather than those with additives. 

2. Yogurt

You probably didn’t think of this one, but it’s a great alternative as opposed to conventional lubricants. But don’t get the blueberry-flavored ice cream. [Read: How to get turned on – 26 sexy secrets to turn yourself on and get in the mood]

Keep it plain. Aside from acting as a lubricant, it also doubles as a pH balancer and yeast infection fighter. What more could a girl ask for?

3. Egg whites

This one probably causes you to raise an eyebrow, but don’t be skeptical. It works. 

This is usually used to cure your hangover, but you can also use it before the hangover as well. Just make sure to separate the yolk from the whites – you don’t need to make an omelet up there. [Read: How to use lubricants to liven up your sex life instantly]

Natural oils as lube substitutes

There are certain types of natural oils suitable as an alternative to lube. However, couples should remember oils could damage condoms. Consider choosing another form of protection when using natural oils.

1. Almond oil

Almond oil is the third contender for oil-based substitute lubes. Compared to other natural oils, almond oil stands out due to its pleasant nutty-sweet scent. 

It is also mild on the skin and doesn’t leave any color stains on the fabric. However, people with nut allergies should be careful around almond oil. [Read: 48 sexy secrets to have better sex and explore new things to try in bed]

2. Vitamin E

You might be wondering how those amber-colored pills can be used as lube but inside those tiny pockets of soluble gelatin is just the right amount of oil to serve the purpose. Vitamin E comes in pure oil form or as the more common pale amber pill in bottles.

It is arguably more expensive to use this as lube but if you don’t have any other choice then you can have this as an option. 

Vitamin E is made up of omega fatty acid compounds that have antioxidant properties. Aside from this, it is good for the skin and contributes to healthy hair growth too. [Read: How to squirt – 22 squirting orgasm secrets to make yourself or a girl squirt]

3. Cornstarch and water

If you are in a hurry, then this might not be the best lube alternative because it requires some work. You can combine four teaspoons of cornstarch into one cup of boiling water. Stir the pot continuously. If you don’t, the lube will get lumpy. 

For thicker lube, you can add four more teaspoons, and if you like it thinner, then use only two. 

Stir the cornstarch and water for about 15 minutes and then let it cool naturally. Just don’t put it in the refrigerator or else it will get lumpy. [Read: Sexual foreplay – 26 lusty secrets to do it well and make them hot and horny]

When it’s cooled off, pour the lube into a bottle for safekeeping and store it at room temperature. This lube is very condom-compatible.

4. Olive or vegetable oil

This isn’t ideal for vaginal penetration, but it can be used as an external vaginal or anal lubricant. 

The drawback to this is that because it’s an oil, it’s not good to use with latex condoms. [Read: How long do condoms last? 23 tips and mistakes that make them expire fast!]

But if you don’t need to use them, then vegetable oil is something that most people have in their kitchens, so it could be a good alternative when you’re in a hurry to find something to use.

5. Coconut oil

Coconut oil can literally be used for anything; it’s the magical fruit that everyone should have a jar of. 

Not only is it used for skin and hair, but guess what, it can also be used as a lubricant. It’s completely natural so you don’t have to worry about chemicals or parabens. [Read: Sex tutorial 101: 15 things they didn’t teach you in sex ed]

But, because this is an oil, you shouldn’t use this with latex condoms. It weakens them and makes them prone to breakage.

Other good substitutes for lube that work perfectly well

Now let’s take a look at the other good lube substitutes and alternatives that work.

1. Seaweed massage gel

Seaweed is a good source of water-based gelatin similar to aloe vera and is used to create long-lasting massage gels for erotic massage. [Read: Sensual massage techniques to leave your partner wanting more]

It is also skin-friendly and serves as a good moisturizer. The only drawback of this substitute is you’ll have to purchase it in bulk as it is mostly used in large quantities.

2. Foreplay

Foreplay is a great way to get the vagina to create its own lubrication. Women take longer to arouse than men, so invest some time in foreplay. 

You want to warm up the vagina, then she’ll naturally start to lubricate herself. [Read: The best sizzling foreplay games to get the night rolling]

3. Ladies, stay hydrated

People don’t drink enough water. You probably just groaned. However, for women, staying hydrated is extremely important for vaginal lubrication. 

If you’re chronically dehydrated, a symptom of that will be vaginal dryness. If you’re running to the kitchen right now, we don’t blame you.

4. Sweat, girl! 

Yeah, you probably groaned at this one too, but working out actually increases vaginal lubrication. [Read: How to make yourself wet – 19 ways to get yourself all lubed up]

You don’t have to run a marathon, but before having sex, go for a half-hour brisk walk or jog. That’ll help get the juices flowing.

5. Omega-3 fatty acids

If you’re a woman and you want to naturally increase vaginal lubrication, try taking an Omega-3 supplement. 

Omega-3 helps to increase your vaginal lubrication, and you can find it in fish, sesame seeds, sunflower seeds, and pumpkin. [Read: Nom-non no-nos: 17 foods to avoid before sex]

List of lube substitutes you should avoid

While the items on this list might seem like a good idea to use as lube substitutes, just don’t do it. Here’s why.

1. Butter

Butter is something that you should just use on your toast! It may be greasy, but it’s not a good idea to use it as lube.

That’s because butter contains milk solids, salt, and trace amounts of sugar which can alter the pH of the vagina. This can lead to irritation or infection. [Read: Dry down there all of a sudden? Fastest ways to go from parched to wet]

2. Baby oil

Baby oil is an inert mineral or vegetable-based oil that keeps skin soft and supple. The oil is usually meant for cleansing and maintaining the skin’s moisture.

But even though it’s very slippery because it’s an oil, you still shouldn’t use it. Leave the baby oil for the babies, not your sex life! 

3. Whipped cream

Many women use whipped cream to indulge in sexual fantasies and to add more excitement to the bedroom. So, if you’re feeling adventurous, you can use whipped cream, just don’t use it as a lube. [Read: 32 hot and slippery ways to make yourself wet and aroused really fast]

It contains a lot of sugar and also has the potential to disturb your vaginal pH level. This could cause infections too, so you should avoid this one.

4. Shortening

Vegetable shortening is made from a blend of soybean and palm oils. It’s very greasy, which is good when it comes to lubricants. However, it degrades barriers made from latex, including condoms.

So, this could put you and your partner at risk for unintended pregnancy or an STD. Plus, you shouldn’t use it if you are prone to vaginal infections. [Read: Alternatives to porn – 16 ways to get hot and wet without porn]

5. Lotion and soap

Lotion and soap might seem like a good substitute for lube since it pretty much contains similar ingredients to your bottle of commercial lube. But don’t use it.

It might cost you more than lube and it dries faster with friction compared to lube which is designed to withstand the rough action of sex. Plus, the artificial scents, oils, and other compounds wouldn’t be that friendly to the vagina.

6. Saliva/spit

If you’re out of lube, you might be tempted to use spit because it looks a little porny, and it’s free. But just don’t do it. [Read: The types of nipples, what’s normal and not, and 17 must-know nipple facts]

Using saliva as a lubricant is harmful because you can get or pass an infection through intimacy. People who use saliva as a form of lube during sex can get gonorrhea or even a yeast infection.

7. Petroleum jelly *Vaseline*

Petroleum jelly might cause more harm than good. It has many ingredients you should avoid.

There are seven major ingredients that can be harmful – parabens, silicone oils, phenoxyethanol, glycerin and glucose, propylene glycol, chlorhexidine, and petroleum-derived ingredients. [Read: The causes of painful sex for women and what you can do about it]

Risks when you go DIY

While some of these substitute lube suggestions might sound harmless, as we have discussed, some of them can change the pH level in the vagina and cause all sorts of infections and problems.

So, you are taking a risk when you try them. 

If you want to play it safe, then foreplay is the way to go. Having a lot of foreplay will allow the woman to naturally lubricate herself, which could save you a trip to the shop. But if you’re experiencing some dry problems, it’s best to stick to commercial lubes.

[Read: Stealth sex – What it is, 19 ways to prevent stealthing, and why men do this]

Found out that you’ve run out of lubricant in the middle of sex? Never fear. With a little bit of improvisation, you can use several common household items as good lube substitutes and alternatives for lube. 

The post 35 Slippery Good Lube Substitutes, How & When To Use Them & Ones to Avoid is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.



Why Does Everyone Hate Me? 69 Things You Do that People Probably Don’t Like!

Sure, not everyone in the world is going to like you. But if you are asking yourself, “why do people hate me,” then you might need to think about why.

Why Does Everyone Hate Me

“Why do people hate me?” That is an awful question to have to ask yourself. But, if you find it creeping its way into your thoughts regularly, it is becoming a real problem. 

Sure, not everyone will like you. That is part of life. But hate is a pretty strong word. Hate is more than a dislike or indifference. Hate means someone actively has negative feelings toward you. 

They don’t talk to you, or worse, are mean to you. This sucks. It is not pleasant to feel like people hate you. And instead of accepting it, you probably want to fix it. Or at the very least, know why people hate you. 

And there is always a reason. Sometimes it is your fault, and other times it isn’t. It can be due to some character flaws you don’t realize you have or can be more about the person who hates you than you. 

Having the thought, “why do people hate me” lingering in your mind isn’t something that should be happening. 

So, you have to figure out if these negative emotions are because of you… Or because of them. [Read: Learn how to stop caring what others think about you]

Why you’re asking “why do people hate me?”

First things first, people may not hate you. Oftentimes when someone is asking themselves this question, they are projecting.

Others probably aren’t putting in the effort to hate, but you feel that way. Yes, your feelings are valid, but digging deeper to find the cause of those isn’t about others. It is about you.

Do people really hate you, or do you hate yourself? If you are struggling with low confidence, you may dislike yourself or even hate yourself. [Read: 15 reasons why people might hate you]

If you don’t like certain things about your personality, you could simply be projecting that onto others.

This doesn’t sound good, but most people aren’t thinking about you as often as you are. They are so worried about themselves and if other people like them. They aren’t concerned about you. 

So, while you’re worried and wondering about why people hate you, they probably aren’t even considering you. [Read: Stop self-loathing… You’re better than that]

Sure, sometimes people do hate you or dislike you. And we’ll get to all the reasons why, but before we get there, consider the alternative.

People don’t hate you. You just think they do. 

The good and the bad of it

If you have identified that someone doesn’t like you, then it’s important to keep in mind that it may not be about you alone. [Read: Lessons to deal with judgmental people]

Sometimes, people have quite irrational dislikes based on their own weaknesses and prejudices. 

However, if you’ve identified that several people seem to dislike you *and in tellingly similar ways*, then it may be time to do a little self-assessment of your interaction skills.

To help you figure out whether or not the root of your social problems is self-induced, we’ve broken down the following list into two halves. [Read: Love yourself first – where people go wrong, 36 whys, and how to do this right]

The first half of the tips point you in the direction of looking to yourself for why people may dislike you, and the second half of the tips describe situations where it may be the other person’s issue that they dislike you, placing the blame in their court.

Why do people hate me – your fault

In a lot of cases, people don’t hate you as much as you may think. But, in others, they just might. 

Even though it’s not realistic to think everyone dislikes you, there are some reasons why they might. [Read: The truth – why people are mean and extra rude to happy and nice people]

If you’re asking yourself, “why do people hate me?”, these reasons may give you some answers.

1. They don’t feel safe around you

People need to feel safe. Do you typically hang out with people you feel unsafe around? Exactly.

It could be just the fact that you’re a stranger that they don’t know, or maybe you like to live on the wild side of life. Either way, if it puts people’s safety in question, you’re probably not their favorite. [Read: Am I a narcissist? 24 narcissistic personality disorder causes and big signs]

2. You brag

You just love to name-drop and flash all the diamonds on Instagram. There are probably a decent amount of people who think you’re cool, but most people will hate you for this. 

Why? Because it is tacky and classless. Plus, mix that in with a little jealousy… And there you go, you have hate. [Read: 18 signs of self-centered people and the best ways to confront them]

3. You think you know it all

You went to Yale, we know, we ALL know. And with that Arts degree, you’re the Einstein of our generation, or at least you’d like to think so. Being a know-it-all is not sexy or intellectual. It is a way of putting others down. 

Yet, this is a behavior people don’t always realize they are showing off. Even if you always know the answer or want to correct people, let things go. 

No one wants to be made to feel dumb. Be a little humble and modest with your thoughts. [Read: 23 secret signs of narcissism people overlook until it’s too late]

4. You’re selfish

It’s always only about you. In fact, no one can remember when you were there to help them with an issue they had. 

They only remember sitting beside you when you were dumped or went bankrupt. You’re selfish.

Being selfish can stem from a lot of things, like a former relationship or your childhood. [Read: 20 ways to stop being selfish]

But these are excuses. If you look back and realize you might be selfish, it might be time to reconsider some things. 

5. You use people

You actually don’t have any true friends. All the friends you have are due to your self-interest. You befriended someone for a favor or to get ahead. 

Though it works initially, people start to notice fairly quickly, especially when you only call them when you need something. [Read: 27 signs of emotional manipulation to know if you’re being used by someone]

People don’t like being used. It’s a pretty easy way to get people to hate you.

6. You lie

If you want to get people to hate you, then lie. It’s the most efficient way. Lying breaks trust in people. Thus, they start to dislike you. 

Whether you lie about important things or are a pathological liar, lying for no reason is unattractive, unnecessary, and a reason for people to hate you. [Read: How to stop lying to yourself and the people in your life]

So, if you can’t even be honest with what you had for breakfast, maybe you need to seek some therapy. Because lying won’t get you any friends.

7. You don’t let other people talk

So, you’re a talker. It’s not a bad thing. It is bad that you never let anyone else talk, and then you cut them off when they try to. This also means you’re a poor listener. Even quiet people like to be heard. 

Next time you ask, “why do people hate me?” take a breath before talking. You can be the star of the conversation without completely running it. [Read: Do you love talking and hate listening?]

The whole point of socialization is for people to talk and build relationships. If they wanted to listen to you preach, they would join a church or sit in a lecture.

8. You’re an energy sucker

That’s right. If someone is in a good mood, you make sure you get some of what they’re having. You just take and take and take until they’re pruning up in the corner. [Read: What is an energy vampire? 19 signs to spot them in your life ASAP]

People tend to stay away from people who literally suck the energy out of them. You have to change that by finding your own energy. 

9. You need hand-holding

Everyone needs help now and again, but asking too much of others is more than annoying. If you need hand-holding for every little thing, people will find you needy and clingy. [Read: Am I clingy? 23 signs of a stage clinger and how to stop being one]

No one wants to be around someone like this. It seems like you are playing the victim and want attention. 

When someone craves attention and help like this, it tends to have the opposite effect. [Read: Effective ways to stop being so needy and insecure]

10. You’re spoiled

Being a spoiled brat may not be your fault *Hi, Mom and Dad!* But, you can stop it once it comes to light. [Read: Helpful ways to stop being a self-centered person]

Being spoiled means you don’t see things the way the rest of the world does. You don’t realize some people can’t just replace their phone or laptop if it breaks.

Not everyone was raised with a maid, their own room, or even a roof over their head. You expect things to be given to you that others have to work really hard for and don’t even realize.

Open your eyes to reality, and people will stop hating you. [Read: How to tell if you’re the toxic one]

11. You are judgmental

Being judgmental is just not okay. It doesn’t matter if you have your beliefs or religion. You can live your life how you want. But, when you take those beliefs and judge others for their choices, it crosses a line. 

Whether you judge others behind their back or to their face, this makes people hate you, and honestly, for a good reason. You are not perfect. You have no right to judge others.

12. You’re closed-minded

Not willing to budge or even hear someone out? This can make people hate you. They may not be right for hating you, but you aren’t right either. [Read: Am I manipulative? 20 sneaky signs you manipulate the people in your life]

Most things you are close-minded about are probably not black and white. Things need conversation and thought. If you are unwilling to hear someone’s side or something, it can make people hate you pretty easily.

13. You’re codependent

You rely on others to function. The way you see yourself depends on how others see you. [Read: How to spot codependent behavior early and regain your self-identity]

You get all of your self-esteem and confidence through others’ vision of you, not your vision of yourself. 

This can not only come off as clingy or needy, but it is unhealthy. Relying on others for how you view yourself is dangerous and toxic. 

People don’t want to have that much responsibility for how you feel. [Read: Do you have codependent traits that make you clingy?]

14. You’re a loud eater

This can be so annoying – especially when you’re out to eat. Hearing someone chew very loudly from the next table isn’t only irritating, it’s unappetizing. 

No one wants to hear someone else’s food smacking around in their mouth. ICK! [Read: Ways to ignore someone who’s annoying you]

15. You talk loudly in a quiet establishment

Not only is this very rude to the other people around, but it’s also usually done while talking about something ridiculous and not at all relevant to what’s going on. 

Anyone who is obviously talking above everyone else so loud that it’s distracting and ruining someone’s time is the worst type of person.

16. You interrupt people

This is probably one of the universal things people hate. Being interrupted is horrible. [Read: How to ignore people who are ruining a perfectly good day]

It’s annoying, disrespectful, and you can’t finish what you were saying as planned because you have someone cutting off your train of thought. There’s not much more annoying than being interrupted when you’re telling a story.

17. You have an obnoxious laugh

This one is a little difficult to talk about because people don’t really have control over what their laugh sounds like. 

However, there are people with very loud, over-the-top laughs that can get really annoying if heard over and over again. [Read: How not to be annoying and be everyone’s best friend]

18. You make unnecessary small talk

Yes, people are supposed to be polite. However, there’s a difference between saying hello and trying to talk to someone who is clearly not interested. 

This is when people make unnecessary small talk about the weather or birds or cars or any other pointless topic. It’s downright annoying. [Read: Clever ways to get out of an annoying conversation]

19. You’re a horrible driver

This is one of the things people hate that most people also do. Most people hate horrible drivers, but yet they, too, are also horrible drivers. 

Not because they mean to be, but sometimes you miss a turn and have to drive badly in order to make that U-turn back. It sucks. It’s dangerous. And yes, it’s extremely irritating.

20. You’re a SLOW driver

Hey, the speed limit is important – to a certain extent. Let’s be real, you can go over the speed limit safely by like 5-10 mph. [Read: Petty Percy – 18 signs of a petty person that make them so annoying]

Sure, people who are driving “slowly” are only driving the speed limit, but it’s annoying when the rest of the traffic is going so much faster.

This can also be dangerous since it disturbs the flow of traffic.

21. You have awkward eye contact

This one isn’t so much annoying as it is uncomfortable. When people make eye contact with you, it usually means they’re staring. [Read: Why do guys stare at girls so much?]

And staring is definitely another one of the things people hate most. Let’s keep our eyes to ourselves, thank you!

22. Spitting while talking

This one might top the list of things people hate because of how gross it is. When you’re talking to someone and they keep spitting all over the place, it can be very annoying. 

You basically have to dodge their spit whenever they open their mouths. Most people prefer not to walk around with a towel just to clean up someone else’s spit.

23. You act like people’s best friend when you’re not

This is SUPER irritating. If you don’t know someone well and they try to act like your best friend, it’s irritating. [Read: Fake friends – 42 signs and ways to tell them apart from real friends who care]

Usually, people who do this get too close, they talk to you about way too personal of things, and they try to insert themselves into your life – usually by inviting themselves to your events. No thanks.

24. You are super fake 

Being fake will get you nowhere and yet, people seem to think it’ll move them higher up in the world. So many people act fake toward you like you’re not going to notice. 

But the thing is, it’s super obvious. Who wants someone acting nice to them only to talk crap about them behind their back? No one. [Read: Ways to instantly recognize fake people and stay away]

25. You use your phone in a movie theater

Need we say more? This is so obviously rude and disrespectful to those who paid to see a great movie. Quit shining that bright light and distracting everyone!

26. You take too long to tell a story

A great story is awesome – if it’s told well. There are some people out there who are the worst storytellers ever. 

They take so long to tell a story and they only put in the unnecessary, boring details. This is definitely one of the things people hate most. [Read: People who talk too much – why they do it and 21 ways to handle them]

27. You whistle too much

Whistling can be fun and it can help you be productive, but it’s super annoying to other people. People hear that and just want to claw their eyes out! 

It’s way too irritating. Keep the whistling inside your head – nobody wants to hear it.

28. You pick scabs/pop zits in public

If you think nobody is looking, there’s always someone who is. And it is disgusting to see. First of all, you should never pick scabs. [Read: Ways to stop being boring and annoying around people]

They’re nature’s Band-Aid and they prevent scarring if you leave them alone to heal. Popping your zits in public should just never be a thing. It’s so gross and it’s one of the things people hate the most.

29. You have bad listening skills

Or the lack thereof. Nothing is more irritating than someone who doesn’t even make the effort to listen to what the other person is saying. 

Instead, these people are more intent on formulating their own words and cutting the speaker off mid-flow. 

If you are guilty of this, then it’s time to close your mouth and open your ears occasionally. Maybe then you’ll start to lose a few of your haters. [Read: Ways to be a better listener in your relationship]

30. You’re cheap

Generosity is a wonderful quality, but its opposite is notably disliked. 

If you’re always keen to avoid paying your way, then chances are that people have noticed this trait of yours, and word has gotten around that you can be stingy. Time to put your hand in your pocket. 

31. You’re too critical 

Some people really have no filter and are so quick to criticize those around them. [Read: Ways to master the art of constructive criticism]

If this is you, it could be one of the reasons why some people seem to be giving you a wide berth. Try to ease up on the criticisms and watch your friend count soar. 

32. Things you don’t say 

Sometimes it’s not what you say that might be leading people not to like you, but rather what you don’t say. 

“Thank you,” “well done,” “I love you,” “tastes great,” and “how are you?”—these are all polite and caring day-to-day expressions that people expect to hear. [Read: Simple tips to avoid being rude in any situation]

A dearth of these in your conversation could lead people to believe that you are rude or simply don’t care for them.

33. You’re lazy 

Which may, of course, be precisely the issue. If you have a streak of idleness a mile long, yet expect everyone to pick up behind you, this could be another reason they aren’t so fond of you. 

Start pulling your weight and see if this improves your relationships. [Read: Different ways to say I love you without saying a word]

34. You’re a pessimist

Another of the most common reasons that people aren’t liked is because they are negative and bring the mood down. Strangely, a lot of people who appear to be negative aren’t actually negative at heart. 

This can be reflective of an upbringing where they weren’t shown affection, so negativity provided the only route to the conversation. 

If this is you, then maybe you need to turn some of your Negative Nancy vocabulary around. Simple, but very effective. [Read: Negative thinking – 32 signs and ways to stop and get rid of negative thoughts]

35. You’re boring 

Uninterested people just aren’t very interesting. Someone who does nothing but watch soap operas, lie on the couch, and read trashy magazines can be a real drag to be around. 

These people bring nothing to the conversation, which consequently persuades people to dislike them. Answer: get a life. [Read: How to be funny and make people love your company]

36. You’re flaky  

If you’re the kind of person who is quite flighty and doesn’t really take anything seriously, this could be the reason why people are starting to stay away from you. 

So, stop showing up late and/or canceling appointments with people all the time, and start showing them the respect they deserve. 

Commit to your words and keep your promises. Then, people might just start to really enjoy your company. [Read: Got flaky friends? Here are the reasons to ditch them]

37. You acknowledge none of these attributes

If you read through this and thought, “but I don’t do any of these things.” You do…and that’s the problem. If you think you’re unflawed, well, you clearly live in a bubble. Pop it, and then reread this feature.

Why do people hate me – NOT your fault that people don’t like you

Now that you know the reasons why someone may hate you for your flaws, let’s go over the reasons that are not your fault. It’s about them not you.

1. You’re more successful

Jealousy is a powerful emotion – and it’s an ugly one. But so many people are jealous of others who are more successful than they are. [Read: How to stop being jealous of someone else’s success]

This success could mean simply that you did better in school or have a higher-paying job. 

Yeah, it sounds stupid, but it’s what keeps the whole competitive wheel in motion. People don’t like feeling like losers.

2. You remind them of themselves

This is usually the top reason why someone would hate you without having a significant reason. Who wants to admit that they’re flawed? [Read: Why people are mean and extra rude to happy and nice people]

The point is, they probably have more in common with you than you’d realize. They are like you, and that’s why they hate you.

You know that character in your favorite TV show that you find to be cringy and hard to watch?

It isn’t because they are opposite to you, but probably because they remind you of the things you don’t like so much about yourself. Make sense? [Read: Why do I hate myself so much? Self-hate and what you can do about it]

3. You signify their failures

Maybe people hate you because, at one point, you both had the same job, but you got the raise, and they were demoted. 

Now, every time they see you, they’re reminded of the time when they were told they were less than what you are.

This has nothing to do with you but is about their failures and shortcomings. [Read: Feel like a failure? 23 truths to stop feeling defeated and find your way]

4. They don’t have what you have

People may hate you simply because you have qualities that they lack. Maybe you have more Instagram followers, a close circle of friends, and a new car – yeah, this sounds stupid and shallow, but it’s true.

When you compare yourself to others, you get filled with negative emotions for those you wish you were more like. [Read: Ways to stop negative people from sapping your energy]

It is why even when your friends are happy in a relationship, and you want to be happy for them, some of you feel bitter. 

5. You threaten them

Imagine that you’re sitting next to someone’s boyfriend and talking to them socially, and all of a sudden, their girlfriend comes and gives you a hateful glare. 

You’ve never spoken to her in your life, but you’re talking to her boyfriend, and that’s too close for comfort. You’re perceived as a threat. [Read: Envious friends – 18 signs of friendly envy and what makes them feel it]

Do you want her boyfriend? No. But for her, you’re walking into her territory.

Someone can hate you for something small and insignificant. But, again, this is more about how they see themselves and has nothing to do with you.

6. You use your brain

If you’re someone who questions and critically analyzes, people aren’t going to like you much. 

Should you care about this? No. Because you’re one of the rare ones. Keep thinking, and hopefully, someone else will join you. [Read: 15 highs and lows of dating someone smarter than you]

7. You have an independent mind 

Someone dislikes you because you won’t tow their conversational line. It’s good to have your own mind, and not responding to their controlling ways is not your problem.

8. You’re successful 

That’s all it takes for some people to dislike you. But hey, why should you apologize for the hard work you’ve done that’s led you to where you are now? [Read: How to stop being jealous of someone else’s success]

9. They have preconceptions about you

Maybe it’s because of what you do or how you look, but people’s preconceptions about you are not your issue. Maybe they should get to know you first before judging you.

10. Because they like you

A somewhat paradoxical statement, maybe, but some people really don’t know how to successfully express themselves. 

Thus, an unhealthy dose of dislike may conceal the fact that they actually really like, admire, or even love you. [Read: 36 racy, random funny questions for flirty guys and girls]

11. You’re honest 

Some people don’t like being called out for their bad behavior, and if you’re someone who can’t stand by and watch when someone is acting up, then this may be why they don’t like you. Again, this is their issue, not yours.

12. You have opinions 

You have them and some people don’t like that. Especially when they are different from their own. Our advice: ditch the control freaks and spend your time with people who can handle a real conversation, differences aside.

13. You have a family

When you have kids, you often have to sacrifice other aspects of your personal life. If people can’t handle that and don’t like you for it, well, that’s their issue. [Read: How to balance your career, social life, and dating life]

14. You’re generous 

Nothing makes a miser look worse than someone else’s generosity. Don’t be ashamed of being the better person.

15. They are bigots

Racism, culturalism, sexism—whatever the prejudice, don’t even waste your time trying to talk this person around. They aren’t worth it.

16. They are attention seekers

It’s sad, but some people are so desperately lacking in anything else that the only way they can get attention is to be serial haters. [Read: 15 tips to be nice and loved by all instantly!]

Social media is full of these types—disgraceful individuals who should be cut adrift at the earliest opportunity.

17. They have preconceptions about your race, gender, or sexual orientation

Let’s face it – some people are just judgmental jerks. They have biases, preconceptions, and stereotypes about groups of people that are usually inaccurate.

So, if they are racist, sexist, or homophobic, maybe they are judging you because of their bad views of the world. [Read: Misogynistic men – what it is, 48 signs, and psychology of a sexist woman hater]

If they got to know you as a person, maybe they wouldn’t reject you based on shallow things such as race, gender, or sexual orientation. 

Why do people hate me – People disliking you could be all in your mind

Finally, we have to talk about this possibility. It might be that no one hates you and that it’s all in your mind. If that’s the case, then it could be due to the following reasons.

1. Paranoia

Paranoia is a thought process that results from anxiety or fear. It makes a person irrational and delusional. It will make people think that there are threats to themselves that don’t actually exist. [Read: Combat your relationship paranoia in simple steps]

So, you might be making false accusations and have a general distrust of other people that makes you think that everyone hates you. But in fact, it could just be a delusion that you made up in your mind that isn’t actually true.

2. Cognitive distortions

Cognitive distortions are thoughts that cause people to perceive reality inaccurately. A negative outlook on reality is a factor of emotional dysfunction and results in a poor sense of well-being.

Negative thinking patterns reinforce negative emotions and thoughts. These thoughts can contribute to an overall negative outlook on the world and a depressed and anxious mental state. [Read: Gaslighting – what it is, how it works, and 33 signs to spot it ASAP]

3. Loneliness

Maybe you’re just shy or an introvert so you never really put yourself out there to meet or become friends with people. If you self-isolate like that, then you will inevitably get lonely.

These feelings of loneliness make you feel like everyone hates you. When in fact, perhaps people just don’t know you at all because you keep to yourself. Maybe once they got to know you, they would like you.

4. Insecurity

If you don’t feel good about yourself, then you put out a vibe that people pick upon. You don’t even need to say anything about not liking or loving yourself.

People just have an intuitive sense of things like that. [Read: Why am I so insecure? 29 signs and ways to deal with insecurity and feel secure]

So, if you don’t like yourself much, then you probably assume that no one else will either. But that’s silly. People might like you a lot more than you like yourself, so try not to be so hard on yourself.

5. Bullying

There will always be bullies in the world. The ones on the playground at school grow up and become your coworkers or boss. So, maybe you just have bad luck and have been the victim of bullies.

But while bullying behavior is never acceptable, you should still look at yourself and contemplate what they are bullying you about and whether you can change for the better. [Read: How to deal with bullies – grown up ways to confront mean people]

For example, maybe you have poor personal hygiene or are a cheapskate.

What to do when people hate you

Dealing with people who hate you can be the worst. You can’t just shut them down like you can other people. They hate you! And that means they’ll go out of their way to hurt you if they want. 

But now that you may know some of the reasons people hate you, it is time to do something about it. [Read: How to stand up for yourself and get what you deserve]

Here’s how to deal with it.

1. Ignore them

This is really the best thing you can do to deal with the haters. If they’re not affecting you, they’re not winning. Don’t let them get the upper hand by responding and lashing out at them. They’ll never go away.

If you really want to get rid of them, you just have to ignore them. Sometimes, this will seem impossible but it’s really your best option. 

Don’t give them the satisfaction of getting to you. Forget that they even exist and you’ll be happier for it. [Read: Ways to ignore someone who mentally stresses you]

2. Don’t add fuel to the fire

If you know someone hates you, it’s a horrible idea to antagonize them. They already have the motive to work against you and making them angry will only make your life worse.

You never want to egg on someone who hates you. They’ll go out of their way to make your life miserable and you’ll regret it. 

If you can, just avoid doing anything that’ll make them angry. If they get mad at you for just living your life, that’s their problem. [Read: How to be nice – 20 easy tips to make everyone love being around you]

3. Determine why they have a problem with you

Sometimes the only way to deal with someone who hates you is to put yourself in their shoes. Why do they not like you so much? What’s the problem?

If you did something to upset them, knowing what it was can help you apologize and possibly move past the incident. 

Most of the time, it’s just a misunderstanding that can be easily resolved with communication. Approach them and ask what the issue is so you can both move on. [Read: Tips for a hassle-free relationship with a coworker]

4. Avoid being around them

If you want to know how to deal with people who hate you, you’ll need to know how to avoid them like the plague. They don’t want to be around you. More importantly, it won’t be good for you to be around them.

You’re only fueling the fire by being around them all the time. When they just get angry and hateful around you, it’s best to just not be around them as much as possible.

5. Be the bigger person

This means you’ll just have to not acknowledge them at all. If you lash out and hate them back just because they hate you, you’re not being the bigger person. 

You’re actually just stooping down to their level. [Read: Ways to deal with judgmental people easily]

That won’t be good for anyone. Just ignore the fact that they hate you and if you need to communicate with them – like if they’re a coworker – just act respectfully. 

Once they realize you’re acting like a mature adult, they may lay off a bit. 

6. Realize that it might not be hatred

Sometimes when someone is jealous, it manifests as hatred. They could just be upset that you have a better life than they do. Most of the time, it’s because they don’t know the real you. [Read: 25 signs to tell if someone is jealous of you and doesn’t wish you well]

Open up to a person and show them that, despite what they may see, you have a hard life too. Knowing that they don’t have much to envy, you can definitely help their hatred simmer down.

7. Stand up for yourself if necessary

When someone hates you, they may try to break you down. They’ll basically bully you until you can’t stand it anymore. You may even end up going home feeling bad about yourself.

You need to stand up for yourself sometimes. When someone is actually bullying you, go ahead and tell them to knock it off. They don’t have a right to do that. [Read: Standing up for yourself and having self-respect affects your relationships]

If they hate you for no reason or a really bad reason, just tell them off. Sometimes that’s the only way to learn how to deal with people who hate you. 

8. Find humor in it

It’s really great to find out why someone hates you because it can be funny. Find some humor in it. They could hate you for the dumbest reason and instead of getting angry about it, just laugh.

Not only does this make it easier to deal with them, but they’ll stop hating you so much when they realize you enjoy it. [Read: Types of humor and how it affects relationships]

They don’t want to add to your happiness, so they’ll end up leaving you alone.

9. Accept that they just hate you

Sometimes, someone will try to change another’s mind. They think that if they show the person who hates them just how great they are, they’ll stop hating them. That’s just not usually the case.

You just have to accept that someone doesn’t like you. You’ll go through life dealing with those types of people all the time. [Read: How to get over hate when it’s just not worth it]

You need to learn how to accept hatred if you ever want to know how to deal with people who have you. 

10. Never change yourself just to please them

Lastly, never change who you are to please others. It’s not worth it. If someone doesn’t like you, who cares? 

You’re not on this planet to get every single person to like you. Don’t sacrifice who you are just for someone else to stop hating you. [Read: How to be true to yourself and start living life on your terms]

Final thoughts

The best piece of advice is to go to therapy and be honest. Be 100% honest. Tell them your flaws and what you want to work on and why you think people hate you. 

Explain to them why you are worried about how others see you and why that means so much to you.

A professional can guide you in the ride direction. Not only will more people like you, but more importantly, you will learn to like yourself and become a better person.

[Read: How to make new friends – 15 ways to do it right as an adult]

Now you know why you ask, “why do people hate me” and you can stop. Listen, it could be a combination of things, but looking at yourself is the best place to start. Let’s reduce the amount of hatred. 

The post Why Does Everyone Hate Me? 69 Things You Do that People Probably Don’t Like! is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.



Wednesday, 1 February 2023

Tactics Tuesdays: Embarrassing Stories

embarrassing storiesThe embarrassing story: told right it can build you up as it entertains. The secret to a good embarrassing story is a “triumphant subplot” lain within.

One big differentiator between extremely socially skilled and comfortable people and everybody else is the highly skilled conversationalist’s use of (superficially) embarrassing stories.



True Friendship: 37 Real Friend Traits & What It Takes to Be a Good One

Everyone needs friends, but how do you know when someone is a true friend? Once you know all of the characteristics, you’ll know which friends you should never let go of. 

True Friendship real friends

You can blame social media, the internet, or whatever you want, but it seems that friendship is not what it used to be. So, how do you know what a true friend really is these days? 

All too often, we see fallouts publicly played out on social media, and we see friends who have known each other for years never speak again over something small and petty. We’re left wondering, what is a true friend? 

And what happened to the concept of having a very best friend? These days, we ask what a best friend is because we’re not entirely sure if those around us are true or whether they’re hiding another agenda. 

The bottom line is that we all need friends. 

You might think you can get by alone, or with just your partner, but having friends in your life makes everything so much better. They’re a support system, a source of joy, and you feel wonderful when you help them out too. 

Of course, that doesn’t mean having an army of friends; just a select few can be all you need. 

[Read: Good friends are like stars – 18 ways to build lasting friendships]

What is happening to our view of friendship?

You might look back and wonder where your friendships disappeared to. It’s normal for friendships to wane and even end as your life ticks on. But, friendship isn’t just about physically being there. It’s about many other things too. 

For instance, friendship is about trust. 

You might have had a large circle of friends at school, but as you grew up and moved away from the school situation, you might have realized that many of them couldn’t be trusted or didn’t seem committed to the friendship. [Read: 15 ways to get yourself the friends you want]

It’s sad to lose friends, but it teaches you a very important lesson. True friendship is something to hold onto. Even if you only have one true friend in your life, you’re blessed. 

When you’ve been through drama with someone you thought was a friend, you start to question what true friendship even is.

How many true friends do you think you have in your life? If you’re not sure, break it down: what is a best friend? [Read: Real friends vs fake friends – 13 ways to instantly tell them apart]

What characteristics and features make up this elusive creature? Let’s explore and allow you to come to your own *probably quite painful* conclusion.

What is a true friend?

To find out what a true friend really is, we came up with these important characteristics:

1. Someone who is trustworthy

What is a true friend? Someone you can trust with your life. [Read: Unique traits that make a person trustworthy]

This is your ride or die; someone who you know will be beside you, someone who you know you can tell anything to and it won’t be repeated. This is precious, and something quite scarce these days.

2. A person who really listens

Of course, friendship works both ways, but a true friend is someone who listens to you and really understands not only what you’re saying verbally, but what you’re not saying too.

This person will know you inside out and read your body language, your tone of voice, speed of speech, etc. [Read: What makes a good friend? The art of honing and improving your own friendship skills]

They’ll take the words you’re using and bring them all together into one realistic conclusion. That’s a special skill only a true friend has.

3. You know if you need them, they’ll be there

Need to bury a body at 3 am? Hopefully not, but you get the picture. This is someone who will be there for you when you’re in trouble, when you’re upset, when you’re hurting, and when you’re sick.

A true friend may not be there for you in person at all times, because it’s important to remember that they have their own lives. [Read: 15 qualities of a good friend that sets them apart from the lesser ones]

But they will be there for you on the other end of the phone, and if they need to drop everything, they will. Of course, you should do the same for them.

4. Someone who is understanding

Far too many people are closed-minded. They believe their view is the only one. Nothing else exists. And if you dare to have another opinion, you’re wrong. It goes without saying that this isn’t a true friend. [Read: Being brutally honest – 13 scenarios when it’s an obligation]

A true friend is someone who can see your point of view and they do their best to understand it from your side, even if it’s not what they believe in or agree with.

True friendship isn’t about always agreeing and telling each other what you want to hear. It’s about having the guts to call them out and tell them when they’re wrong, when something looks stupid, or when they’re being ridiculous. 

It might sting, but it’s always done with your best intentions at heart. That is the difference between a good friend and a flaky one. [Read: Reasons why empathy is important in a relationship]

5. They’ve got your back, even when you’re not there

Is someone talking trash behind your back? Your true friend will call them out and deal with it, defending you even when you’re not there to defend yourself. 

That is loyalty. And it’s one of the biggest traits to tick off your list.

6. You talk ‘just because’ 

Many ‘friends’ only call when they want something or when they’re bored. A true friend calls ‘just because.’ [Read: How to be a good friend by following the BFF code]

This means sitting and chatting about nothing but enjoying every second of it. It simply means that you enjoy the time you spend together. Whether you are doing something epic or nothing at all.

7. They know you’re not perfect, and they don’t care

Many people waste their time looking for the perfect friend. They don’t exist, because a perfect person doesn’t exist. A true friend knows your faults. They accept them and love you for them. You do the same for them.

In the age of social media *and so-called* perfection, everyone seems to be looking for the best-looking squad, or a team who can get them where they want to go. Isn’t that all very superficial and selfish? [Read: How to be perfect in everything you do and lead a fulfilling life]

8. You might not talk for a while, but you know they’re there

True friends don’t have to talk every single day. You might talk just once or twice per week, perhaps. At certain times, it might even stretch longer than that. 

It doesn’t mean you’re losing touch. It means you’re living your lives, but you’re always there for each other when needed. Life ebbs and flows. A true friend understands that.

9. You laugh together over literally nothing

If you find yourself laughing about small things for no reason other than you feel like it, you share a friendship vibe that can’t be replaced. [Read: Witty banter – what it is, 15 secrets to talk witty and make people laugh]

Silly moments are the glue that holds a friendship together in so many ways, and true friends have many of them!

10. Time might change, but they don’t

As time ticks on, people change a little. Their priorities alter and you might find that their personalities do too. 

True friends might have life changes, but they stay the same when they’re with you. Your friendship remains static, always supportive, and always there, whether you’re far apart or side-by-side. [Read: The 15 qualities that set a good friend apart]

11. They don’t question or belittle you

What is a true friend? Someone who accepts you for you who are and what you believe. They don’t question your actions unless they believe it’s going to cause you harm. 

A true friend never belittles your choices. Instead, they support you and lift you up. If you fall, they help cushion the blow.

12. They’re your biggest cheerleader

A true friend will always cheer for you when you need a little pep talk. They’re someone who will encourage you to be the best you can be. [Read: How to make someone happy – 20 ways to help them sparkle]

If you decide you’re going to take a class in something new, they’re the ones who will allow you to practice on them! Basically, they want you to do well, they’re always there cheering for you.

13. They don’t remind you of your mistakes

We all make mistakes. Nobody is perfect. A true friend forgives and forgets when an apology has been given. If you upset your friend in the past and you apologized for it, it’s done. 

They won’t regularly drag up the past and throw it back at you for ammunition in the middle of a disagreement. They don’t highlight your flaws either; they focus on the positives instead. [Read: 28 self-improvement secrets to improve yourself and transform into your best self]

14. They don’t show jealousy 

If you have a friend and they hate you being around other friends, they’re not true. A real friend won’t become jealous of you spending time with other people because they’re secure in the friendship that you have. 

If anything, they think it’s great you have a wider circle because they know how important friendships are. [Read: How to not be jealous – An easy guide for the overly envious]

15. They compromise when they need to 

This point is something that works both ways. A true friend will compromise to make things right. 

That doesn’t mean they push things that need talking about to one side or pretend something isn’t happening. 

It means they appreciate the friendship and know that some things just aren’t worth risking it for. But of course, it also means that you need to compromise in return and meet them halfway. [Read: Compromise in a relationship -17 ways to give and not feel like you lost]

16. They’re loyal 

True friends are loyal and never cause you to question their loyalty. They will be by your side no matter what. 

And, even though they might always agree with what you do, they’ll remain loyal regardless. This isn’t someone who is going to disagree with you and then part ways. [Read: 18 honest reasons why you don’t have friends that care about you]

17. They don’t allow relationships to get in the way

Far too many friendships have been ruined when one friend ends up in a relationship. The other person either feels left out *with or without good reason* or they don’t like the person their friend has partnered up with. 

This can often cause major problems and may even lead to the end of their friendships. A true friend doesn’t allow relationships to get in the way. You’re friends whether you’re single or coupled up. [Read: Should you overcompensate for your fickle friends?]

18. They like having fun with you

Good friendships should be lots of fun. This probably means that you have lots in common with your friends. 

If you enjoy doing the same sorts of things, are silly together, and make one another laugh, then you’ll feel closer to that person, and you want to spend lots of time together too.

19. They share things with you

Good friends share stuff with one another. This is both in a literal and non-literal way. If you have a good friend they’ll be happy to lend you their stuff and adopt a ‘what’s mine is yours’ attitude. [Read: Unique traits that make a person trustworthy]

They also want to share deep and meaningful things with you too. Remember it’s a two-way street so you need to be willing to share with them as well.

20. They are honest

Honesty is a massive part of any positive relationship in your life. Your good friends should be honest with you at all times. If they hide things from you, lie to you, or say things behind your back, they aren’t really being a good friend.

The only time it might be different is if they don’t want to hurt your feelings. [Read: The qualities of a good friend that sets them apart]

Even then you must question whether you would prefer your friends to be honest with you, even when the truth might hurt.

21. They make time for you

Being a good friend does require work. You need to make sure you make time for your friends and that they make time for you. If you don’t, you start to feel resentful, left out, and drift apart.

22. They keep their promises

Good friends won’t let you down and make sure they keep their promises! 

Of course, sometimes we all break promises, but if this happens regularly you might want to start to question your fickle friendship. [Read: Got flaky friends? Here are the reasons to ditch them]

23. They also keep your secrets

While a lot of people love to gossip, a true friend doesn’t. We all have done things that either we’re not proud of or just don’t want anyone else to know about. 

Many people would just take that personal information that you tell them and blab it to other people, whether it is accidentally or on purpose. But not a true friend.

A good friend is someone you trust with your secrets and know you can tell anything to. [Read: How to build trust in a relationship and learn to be loyal and loving]

24. They are dependable

Being a good friend means they should be reliable. Your friends are people you depend on no matter what. 

That means they keeping their word. If they say they’re going to do something, then they do it. And if they say they’ll be somewhere, they’ll be there. A true friend is someone you can depend on. You never have to wonder about their reliability.

25. They are respectful

Good friends respect one another. They always treat you with respect and speak to you respectfully as well. They believe in the Golden Rule, and their actions show it too. [Read: How to break up with a friend – the respectful steps you must follow]

So, if you have a friend who always takes advantage of you or puts you down, they might not be a very good one!

26. They apologize when mistakes are made

With every good friendship, it’s likely you hit a rough patch or argue at some point along the way. 

This happens to lots of good friends, but it’s how they make up that counts. If you made a mistake, don’t be stubborn. Apologize and learn how to forgive and accept apologies too.

27. They like to have a balance

Good friendships, like all good relationships, are a balancing act. [Read: The nine rules for how to be a nice person]

You should feel close to that person but not inseparable. Having a degree of independence from your friends and not being too needy serves your friendship well.

28. They are selfless

Sometimes you make sacrifices and do things that you don’t want to do in order to be a good friend. 

So, remember to be selfless from time to time, to give things up in order to make your friend happy. If they are a good friend, they no doubt return the favor when you need it too! [Read: Why givers feel unappreciated and undervalued in a relationship and how to fix it]

29. They know you inside and out

Good friends take the time to get to know one another properly. That means they’ve developed an intuition or instinct about your feelings. 

They know when you aren’t happy even if you say you are. They’ll be there for you to come to your rescue, just as you are for them!

30. They’ll always be there for you

When times get tough, good friends are the rocks that we rely on to get us through. A good friend will always be there when you are in need. [Read: The tips you need to build lasting friendships]

Even if they can’t do anything to make the situation better, they somewhat do make the situation better just by being a rock or a shoulder to cry on. You know they are the kind of friend worth hanging on to.

31. They give good advice

No one can solve all of their problems alone. That’s why it’s so great to have true friends. 

Good friends give you the best advice—even when you don’t want to hear it! [Read: Do you love talking and hate listening?]

32. They understand that you don’t need to agree on everything

One of the biggest mistakes that people make in friendship is assuming that you have to agree on everything, otherwise, you’re simply not compatible as friends anymore. That’s rubbish!

We all have our own opinions and quirks. Friendship is about understanding these and accepting them, even if they’re not the same as yours. 

A true friend will accept you for the wonderful human being you are: opinions, quirks, and all! [Read: 15 signs a friend is using you and draining your happiness away]

33. They never allow you to be alone in times of need

A true friend will never allow you to be alone when you’re down/upset/angry/grieving, or anything else negative. A good friend will be able to instinctively know when their friend requires support, even if you tell them you are fine. 

They don’t listen to you because they know you are not fine. Instead, they will turn up at your house with ice cream, wine, beer, pizza, or whatever works.

34. They accept your choices and don’t judge you

At times, you might do or choose things that they don’t like or agree with. For instance, perhaps you enter into a relationship with someone who they don’t like. [Read: Small changes to being a good person and transform your world]

That’s not their business. 

They will never cause you to choose between them and whatever you have invited in your life, person, or choice. A true friend will accept your choices, support you, and be there for you if it does end up going wrong without judgment.

35. They let arguments go and forget grudges

A true friend knows that there is no space for grudges or petty arguments. It’s completely normal to have disagreements from time to time. [Read: Your guide to grow up and face life like an adult]

They allow you to air your differences, then they let them go and move on. Grudges have no space in a friendship and will simply turn toxic over time.

36. They are vulnerable and allow you to see their real self

A true friend is always being real. 

If they are holding up a mask, putting on a show, or pretending to be something they’re not, how can they be a good friend? 

It’s impossible because they’re not being themselves. They allow their walls to drop and let you into their life, just as you’re doing with them. [Read: 20 things to do to be more vulnerable in a relationship and feel closer]

Friendship can be scary, just like romantic relationships, because you’re giving over a part of you that they could decide to hurt you with. All you can do is risk it and see where it goes. A real friend will not hurt you.

37. They never let ‘things’ get in the way of your friendship

We live in a world obsessed with material gains. Most of us want the latest iPhone and or to stay on top of the recent trends, and while normal, it’s not normal to let material things get in the way of your friendships.

Friendship isn’t a competition over who has the best phone, who is skinniest, most fashionable, most popular, or who has the best car. [Read: 16 types of friendships, benefits, and how many you need to be happy in life]

When you have a true friend in the most genuine way, they let material things go, and so do you.

How many true friends do you have?

Hopefully, you’ll have read that list of characteristics and realized that you have more true friends than you thought. If not, don’t worry. 

Nobody can have an army of true friends. These are the types of friends that are rare yet extremely special. If you only have one, you’re luckier than most! 

[Read: How to recognize a fake best friend before you get betrayed or hurt]

What is a true friend to you? Is it someone who encompasses these characteristics, or do you have a few others to add to the list? 

The post True Friendship: 37 Real Friend Traits & What It Takes to Be a Good One is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.



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