How to Stop Having Feelings for Someone Who Won’t Like You Back

Learning how to stop having feelings for someone isn’t easy, but the good news is that it’s possible. It takes time, but you can do it with perseverance. 

Having feelings for someone that doesn’t share them or that you shouldn’t necessarily be having feelings for, hurts. And understanding how to stop having feelings for someone doesn’t just happen because you don’t want them anymore.

It’s not like you can wave a magic wand and boom! They’re gone forever! It’s far harder than that and it takes plenty of time and patience.

When you have feelings for someone, even just a crush, they can linger a lot longer than you would like.

Figuring out how to stop having feelings for someone has plagued humankind for centuries. It is a burden. Feelings overwhelm us and take our time and attention away from more important things. But, the good news is that you can learn how to stop having feelings for someone and move on for good.

[Read: How to stop liking someone you know you can never have]

Why do we have stronger feelings for people who don’t want us?

Before you understand how to stop having feelings for someone who won’t like you back, you need to understand why you obsess over them.

Yes, you may have a crush on them. You may deeply desire them. But that’s not what’s making getting over them so hard for you. The truth is, this person you like may not even be worth your time. There may be someone who’s way more compatible with you, who’s also way “better” in every way, and they may even like you back. But there’s a reason behind why we have such a hard time leaving someone who doesn’t want us.

Evolution has taught us that something we can’t have is instinctually more valuable to us. The more someone rejects you, the stronger you feel for them. Not because they’re so good, but because our minds are hardwired to enjoy rejection! [Read: The raw psychological effects of being ignored by someone you love]

Rejections motivate you and stimulate the same part of the brain that is associated with cravings, addictions, and perseverance. It’s clearly not heartbreak, because more often than not, the person you’re trying to get over is someone who was never a part of your life in the first place. You never had them, and you don’t know what it is like to be in a relationship with them. You just obsess over them because your brain subconsciously convinces you to continue pursuing them because you believe they’re “better” than you, and hence, more worthy!

On the other hand, even if you were in a relationship with them and you’ve now broken up, perhaps you intrinsically have the dependent or anxious attachment personality where you intentionally continue to stay in love with someone who will never love you back. You enjoy the pain and stress of heartbreak because that’s the only kind of love you’ve known since childhood. It’s comfortable to love someone who breaks your heart instead of giving it all up and looking for a fresh start. [Read: Insecure attachments – The different types and how they affect you]

Why might you want to stop having feelings for someone?

Although logic and emotions do not always go hand in hand, practicality can be the best first step in getting over someone.

Why do you want to stop having feelings for this person? Is it an ex or someone that is already in a relationship? Is it someone that isn’t interested in you?

Remind yourself why your life would be happier and more productive if you stopped having those feelings. This is not a magic cure-all. It will aim you in the right direction moving forward. [Read: 10 questions to ask before leaving someone you love]

Look forward to the improvements your life will have if you stop having feelings for this person. Will you be able to focus better at work? Will you be able to start dating again? Or will you let go of the pain of a breakup or rejection? Is holding on to a lost cause helping you in any way at all?

We know your feelings are strong. Logic may not feel strong enough to shut down your feelings, and it may not be, but reminding yourself of why you want to stop having feelings for someone will help you focus.

Whenever you notice yourself falling back into Facebook stalking them or daydreaming about your imaginary wedding, remind yourself that that isn’t conducive to a happy future.

The ‘why’ is just as important as the ‘how’, if not more so. [Read: The 9 step guide you need for how to get over a heartbreak]

How to stop having feelings for someone

Once you know why you want to stop having feelings for someone, you have something to focus on. You have an end goal you can aim at.

But, take steps to really let go of those feelings and move forward without your emotions taking over.

1. Let all your feelings out

If you try to stop having feelings for someone without letting those feelings out, it will feel more like you’re just pushing them down and not getting rid of them for good. When you can’t tell the person you have feelings for them, or that you like them, write it out.

Go old-school with a pen and paper like you’re writing in your middle school diary. Let out all your feelings about this person. You may feel a weight has lifted. You can then crumble it up and toss it out. Or go further and burn it *safely* to release those feelings. [Read: How to deal with heartbreak in a healthy way]

2. Accept the reality

One reason it is so hard to stop having feelings for someone is that we hold out hope. We live in a fantasy world where maybe one day things will work out. We make up conversations in our heads and let that impractical hope guide us.

Hope is great in many circumstances. When you want to stop having feelings for someone, it is time to accept the reality for what it is. Once you come to peace with the fact that these feelings aren’t reciprocated for whatever reason, it will be easier to let those feelings go. It might be hurtful, but it’s necessary. [Read: Unreciprocated love and 22 ways to move on when your love isn’t reciprocated back]

3. Take off your rose-tinted glasses and see things as they really are

Look at them as if you didn’t have those feelings. When we like something and have romantic feelings for them, we overlook their faults. We see them as the best version of themselves.

That is great when you’re actually in a relationship but makes it hard to get over someone. Do you know how after a breakup you finally realize all the things that drove you crazy about your ex that you didn’t see when you were together? That is what you want to do here.

Think about the things you don’t like about this person to remind yourself that they really aren’t as great as you thought. It can be anything from their sense of style to their stubbornness, their flakiness, or lack of honesty. [Read: Why oxytocin can be toxic to flawed relationships]

4. It’s time to distract yourself

Sometimes, trying to stop liking someone leads us to focus on them even more. If you struggle with getting this person out of your head, focus on something else. Keep yourself busy.

Throw yourself into work, a home project, or just make a lot of plans with friends. The more you do, the less time you’ll have to think about this person and your feelings. [Read: The three stages to get a certain someone out of your mind]

5. Focus on something productive

While outings with friends are a good distraction, if you’re still having a hard time staying distracted, do something productive.

Volunteer to clean up your local beach, clean out your wardrobe and donate to charity, or even get a second job. These things will not just keep you busy but make you feel proud of what you’re accomplishing. [Read: 14 proven ways to happily move on from an ex]

6. Remove them from your online world

This is one of the best things you can do for yourself when you want to stop having feelings for someone. Seeing them post selfies and what they ate for breakfast keeps them at the forefront of your mind. It also lets you give in and look at their photos and posts whenever you feel weak.

You can unfriend them, block them, or just hide their content from your feed, but do it. It’s hard to let go in this way but it’s the healthiest thing you can do right now. [Read: A step-by-step walkthrough to get over someone you still like]

7. Stop seeing them as much as possible

It is one thing to stop seeing this person virtually, but not seeing them in real life is even more helpful. If you see someone daily because you go to school together or share a friend group, it can be hard to rid yourself of those feelings.

Obviously, you can’t transfer schools or quit your job or find new friends, so take a break. If they are in your social circle or group, avoid that group or places they will be until those feeling fade away. If they are in your class or at work, keep your interactions as brief and professional as possible. And when you’re around them, focus on more productive things. [Read: 12 ways to ignore someone who mentally stresses you]

8. Date casually

If you have feelings for someone, throwing yourself into a new relationship to distract yourself isn’t healthy or fair. Instead of getting a rebound, date casually.

Go into it open, but let the other person know you are just interested in meeting people at the moment and that you’re not looking for anything serious.

This will open your eyes to other people that are out there and available. It will remind you that you have other options and can form feelings for other people in different ways. [Read: Rebound relationships and why it’s the best thing you can do]

9. Don’t compare others to them

When you start dating, even casually, it is easy to compare anyone new to the last person you had feelings for. We have all done it at some point. Everyone is unique. Comparing people’s qualities, whether physical or not, is unfair and pointless.

Maybe the person you want to stop having feelings for is taller than someone you just met, but that doesn’t really matter. Focus on what makes the person you just met unique, without the comparison. [Read: Should dating be passionate or practical?]

10. If you’re really struggling, seek out professional help

If you have tried all of this and still struggle with learning how to stop having feelings for someone, seeing a therapist may be your best option.

In therapy, work with a professional to pinpoint where your emotions are coming from and face them head-on. Hopefully, you can cut them off from the source and look forward to a freer future.

It may seem like an impossible task. But here’s the truth – you know you WILL get over them someday. Knowing the end result of all of this is a positive thing to look forward to. When you’re confident of something like this, and truly believe that you will get over them, all you need to do is focus on the steps to stop having feelings for them.

[Read: The pain of missing someone: Your heart will mend in time]

Learn how to stop having feelings for someone with a bit of focus and a lot of determination. Believe it or not, there are other options out there, and a much better life as well!

The post How to Stop Having Feelings for Someone Who Won’t Like You Back is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

If Every Girl's a Bitch, You're Doing Something Wrong

Does it seem like most girls are awful, horrid, mean-spirited bitches? If it does, it’s a sign you’re doing something wrong – and that’s a good thing (it means you can fix it).

Does it seem to you that almost every girl you meet is just an unnecessarily mean person?

Do you ever find yourself wondering why so many girls are just horrid, ruthless bitches?

Commenting on my article that "Female Bad Behavior Is Often Defensive", Xander writes:

Ok. I agree if bad behavior is one-off interaction that doesn’t mean anything. However, even in this case if that negative reaction is overly negative i.e. overly expressed toward guy (and most women do this at least where I live) that is also the sign that particular woman can be considered as bad person. Many guys (at least what I have seen) don’t do overly annoying things with women and still get overly negative reactions from uninterested/unsure/insecure women.

Also, what I have seen is that the majority of women where I live rarely changes previously negative attitude toward guy. If she is negative during approach, initial interaction or later in courtship she stays that way no matter what guy will do. In live interactions they are rude, bitchy, aloof or disrespectful and it just increases no matter what new tech or moment guy will choose. In online/text interactions they ghost immediately after 2-3 messages, no matter how message is interesting, non-pushy, polite and easy to reply.

I feel sad whenever I read comments like these, for the person who writes them, because you know that person's dating life is hard.

I have read many, many comments by men talking about how horrible most women are. I have also read many, many analogous comments by women panning men (on various Reddit boards and what have you; here's an article about how horrid men are to women, with a bunch of women commenting their bad experiences).

If you take these comments at face value, both most men and most women are absolutely loathsome people: bad dates, bad lovers, and almost all men and women are totally undatable, unpleasant individuals.

It makes you wonder how the species perpetuates itself at all.

Of course, the reality is most men and most women are actually just fine, normal, nice, pleasant people... but that people who have continually negative experiences cause this in others, or misinterpret that from others, almost always without realizing they're causing it or misinterpreting it.

What Is One-Sided Love? 20 Ways to Cope When You’re Not Loved Back

One-sided love has the power to destroy you if you stick around too long. It’s time to understand that you deserve better and have so much love to give. 

Love isn’t always wonderful. Sure, it’s supposed to be, but what if the person you love doesn’t feel the same as you? Or, what if you’re in a relationship with someone and you think it’s going well, only to realize that you’re always doing the giving and they’re always taking? In that case, you have one-sided love.

Love is wonderful when it’s balanced. However, an unbalanced relationship can be nothing but drama and pain. We all want the fairytale idea of love, but in all honesty, does that even exist? Love has its ups and downs whether it’s going well or not, and even if Hollywood wants us to believe differently, love is pretty hard.

But, if you’re in it together, it’s worth it, right? So, what do you do if you have one-sided love? [Read: 12 hidden signs of a one-sided relationship we all choose to ignore]

What is one-sided love exactly?

One-sided love is essentially love, but only from one side. It means that you either love some who doesn’t love you back or you’re with someone who doesn’t love you as much as you love them. As we said before, it’s totally unbalanced.

One-sided love is commonly unrequited love and is met with pain and loneliness. We know, it sounds bad and it is because it hurts. One-sided love can also be when you pine for someone who is in a relationship. You aren’t over your ex, but they moved on. It is when you are happy in your relationship, but your partner is ready to leave.

Pretty much, if you haven’t realized it already, one-sided love sucks. [Read: A guide to help you move on when you aren’t loved in return]

Do you have one-sided love?

Sometimes we do not even realize we have one-sided love. Love, as we know, can be blind. We can see things that are there or even things we wish were there. It can be so overpowering we think it conquers all, but when you’re the only one in love, it is not quite that simple.

You know you have one-sided love if the person you love is in a relationship or has made it clear they aren’t interested. But sometimes, it is not so easily seen.

You could be in a relationship but be so in love that you don’t see they are moving on without you. You could love a friend, but when they don’t love you back but you keep hoping. One-sided love often feels like rejection, but other times it is the uncertainty that keeps you going. [Read: Understanding what unrequited love really is]

If you’re not sure if you’re dealing with this painful phenomenon or not, here are a few signs that the love you feel is utterly one-sided.

1. You’re the one who does all the running

If you’re always coming up with date ideas, or you feel like you’re always having to try and force fun in the relationship, perhaps you need to consider whether it’s one-sided love or not. Relationships should be a case of give and take.

2. You find yourself unhappy more than happy

When you think of your partner or the one you’re pining over, do they make you happy or sad? You’re supposed to be far happier in a relationship than miserable.

For sure, no relationship is full of happiness 100% of the time, but if you spend more time crying or sad than happy, there’s something not quite right. [Read: Why am I so unhappy? 8 changes that will change you for good]

3. They’ve made it clear they have moved on

If it’s your ex you’re pining over, have they made it very clear that they’ve moved on? Maybe they’ve told you or you’ve seen that they’re with someone else.

Don’t kid yourself that they’re harboring feelings for you on the sly – if they really were, they would tell you. Your love is one-sided. [Read: What are the signs your ex has moved on? 15 clues to know with complete certainty]

4. You feel like they’ve “checked out” of the relationship

Does something just not feel quite right? Do you feel like they’re not really there mentally or emotionally? Sometimes it can be that someone just “checks out” of the relationship and the whole thing is slowly dying in their mind.

They are ready to move on, but they’re not ready to tell you yet. In that case, you’re experiencing one-sided love because everything has changed for them. [Read: He doesn’t love you anymore – 16 signs he’s losing interest in you]

5. They just treat you like a friend

Unrequited love is painful. It’s even worse when it’s very clear that you’ve been friend-zoned. If they’ve made it very clear that you’re a dear friend to them and nothing more, it’s time to turn your attention elsewhere and try to overcome your feelings. [Read: How to escape the friend zone – 13 actions that make you desirable]

How to cope with one-sided love

Facing one-sided love is not easy. The steps and tips may sound simple, but getting over one-sided love takes time and patience. Maybe even a few tears.

But, you can do it. And soon enough, you could even have two-sided love – it’s nothing less than you deserve.

1. Be brave enough to face it

The first step towards moving on is to admit it to yourself. No one wants to think about it. We do not want to admit we are in love with someone who doesn’t return those feelings.

But, once you realize and admit to yourself that the love is fading from their end or that it’s unrequited love, you can take the next step.

You won’t pine and dream about what-ifs. You can feel the bad stuff and move on. It’s not going to be easy but by feeling the pain, the future becomes clearer. [Read: 18 critical signs of a clearly unhealthy relationship]

2. Share your feelings of one-sided love

Tell the person who you love how you feel. If it is an ex or a friend, let them know. It can be awkward and uncomfortable, but it will clear things up. It can also provide you closure.

Let them know you need time apart if that is what you need. Share how you are feeling. Who knows, the love may not be one-sided love after all. And if it is, you can finally release that build-up and move on.

3. Look at the positives

Try to look on the bright side. We know with one-sided love, it can feel like there is none, but there is. You know it is one-sided love so you can move on. You deserve to be with someone that loves you back.

Maybe being with them would have hurt your self-esteem or affected your job or your family life. Try to look at the good things that have come out of this. [Read: How to find yourself when you feel like you’ve lost your way]

4. Take off those rose-tinted glasses

The person you love is easily blurred. You see their best qualities, but not their worst. You overlook the things that would drive you nuts if you were together.

Focus on the things you don’t like about them. It could be that they text and drive, eat with their mouth open, or that they are a player. Focus on those things and you’ll soon see them as just a human being, flawed and not perfect. [Read: How to be perfect in everything you do and lead a fulfilling life]

5. Vent and get out all of your frustration

Reach out to family and friends for some support. Your friends are great at perking you up and letting you know you are better than this. They let you get it all out and cry, but then they distract you.

They uplift you and tell you the best things about yourself. And soon you will focus on that instead of the rejection of one-sided love.

6. Focus on the facts, not your doubts

When love is one-sided, we focus on why. We think about what we did wrong or what we could have done differently. What if we were taller or thinner? What if we made more money or were funnier?

Get rid of those negative thoughts and think about the facts. If they want someone that isn’t you, it isn’t because you did anything wrong, but that you just weren’t meant to be. [Read: What I learned from the man who did not love me back]

7. You’re allowed to be sad if you’re struggling with one-sided love

Let it all out. Cry. Eat ice cream and lay in bed for a weekend. Your feelings are completely valid. Maybe the relationship ended long ago or there never was a relationship. That does not matter.

If you love them, that is a strong feeling to face. Feel all those feelings, even the bad ones.

8. Unfollow them and cut all contact

Do not dwell on their current status, who they took a photo with, or if they like your photo on social media. That is all pulling you back into the vortex of one-sided love. Sometimes, the recipient even does this on purpose to keep you on a leash in a sense.

Don’t let their social media presence keep you hooked. Mute them and move on. [Read: Why do narcissists ignore texts and do the selfish things they do]

9. Appreciate those who do love you

It can feel like you suck when you have one-sided love. You feel unworthy, but take a step back and look at other parts of your life.

Yeah, maybe you aren’t lucky in romance right now with this one specific person, but you have amazing friends and family and a cute dog or cat. You have plenty of two-sided loves in your life that deserve your attention. [Read: Authentic ways to express your appreciation and gratitude]

10. Focus on yourself and have some fun

It’s time to distract yourself. Go out and have fun. Try new things and go on adventures. Go dancing or bowling or rock climbing. You never know who you might meet or forget.

By focusing on yourself, you’re nurturing the most important relationship of them all – the one you have with yourself.

11. Turn your attention to your other goals

Instead of thinking about your one-sided love, think about that promotion. Think about remodeling your kitchen or making a new recipe every week.

Set goals for yourself outside of a failed romance. Not only will this distract you, but it will also boost your confidence every time you achieve a goal. [Read: 18 ways to have high self-esteem and start winning at life]

12. Work on your confidence

Remind yourself that you are worthy. You are awesome. Just because this one person doesn’t share your feelings doesn’t make you any less amazing.

We are not right for everyone and everyone is not right for us. Do things that bring you confidence. Dress up just for you. Buy yourself a new lipstick or a pair of jeans. Celebrate yourself.

13. Know that you deserve to be loved back

Drill this into your brain – you deserve someone to love you as much as you love them. You do not want to put your effort into one-sided love. Know that you deserve the same appreciation and care that you give out.

This is not about what you think you want, but what relationships are formed on. You want a healthy and happy relationship and deserve one. One-sided love is not that. [Read: How to lose feelings for someone and let go of the might have beens]

14. Don’t try to change yourself when overcoming one-sided love

Do not alter who you are to meet someone else’s expectations. Sure, you can always better yourself, but don’t change your personality, style, or beliefs to be with someone.

Love is when you can be yourself around someone and they love you for it, not in spite of it or because you try to please them. Remember that this one-sided love is not better or more important than finding someone that loves you for you. [Read: How to get out of a toxic relationship with your dignity intact]

15. Rethink what you’re looking for

And what you are attracted to, for that matter. You might think you have a type, but every time you date within your type, what happens? It doesn’t work out? It’s time to think about what you actually find attractive and perhaps date outside of your regular type.

Rethink what you go after. Jump out of your comfort zone and date other types of people. You never know who is on the horizon.

You can’t free yourself from the grips of one-sided love unless you make an effort to change things. These steps will help you but don’t assume that it’s going to happen overnight.

Give it time and allow yourself the chance to heal slowly. [Read: Dating expectations – Type A versus type B personalities]

Life on the other side of one-sided love is always better

One-sided love is no different to a breakup of sorts. You’re breaking up with the idea of something in many ways and that can be just as painful.

Allow yourself to overcome your negative emotions and heal from the hurt. Once you start to see a change on the horizon, know that your dating future can only be better.

[Read: 14 powerful ways to unlove someone in no time]

One-sided love is no fun. What makes love so amazing is both people in it together. But if you think you have one-sided love and see these signs, you can get out of it. Start by making that decision, and use these steps.

The post What Is One-Sided Love? 20 Ways to Cope When You’re Not Loved Back is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

20 Healthy Expectations in a Relationship that Define a Good Love Life

We all have some expectations in a relationship – what are yours? Understand the key healthy relationship expectations and look forward to a great union! 

There are no strict rules to relationships. For the most part, we bumble along and deal with whatever comes up at the time. However, is that the best way to move forward? Will you move forward at all? You see, you need to have at least some expectations in a relationship in order to be treated in the way you want to be. That doesn’t mean expecting to be treated like royalty, but a basic amount of respect is key. Understanding the healthy relationship expectations you should have will solve the problem.

If you go into a relationship with no expectations, you won’t be treated with respect. Instead, you’ll be shocked when your partner does something nice for your birthday. In reality, this is what they should be doing.

So, it’s not about lowering your standards, you just need healthy expectations and boundaries.

[Read: 19 unrealistic expectations in love we want to believe but shouldn’t]

Why should you have expectations in a relationship?

You might think that it’s better to go into a relationship expecting nothing. That way, everything is a surprise. The problem is, not all surprises are the good kind. You might end up being disappointed and hurt time and time again, simply because you didn’t understand what you were getting yourself into.

Relationship expectations are the standards you set for yourself in a relationship. It’s about how you want to be treated, what you will and won’t tolerate, and what you want out of the whole thing. Do you want to work towards something serious or do you want something casual?

You need these healthy expectations in a relationship because here’s the reality – if you don’t have certain standards for the people you date, where’s your self-respect? [Read: Should you lower your expectations to find love?]

This is your life and you should know what you want. It’s true that people tell you not to judge others and to expect nothing so that you won’t get hurt, but that’s serious crap.

You should have healthy relationship expectations, that way, you choose a partner who respects and appreciates you. This isn’t about predicting the future and handing your partner a set of rules, it’s about knowing what you want and what you won’t deal or put up with with. There’s nothing wrong with that. [Read: How to respect yourself – 14 secrets of self-worth and self-belief]

20 basic but important healthy relationship expectations you need to have to be happy in love

Everyone will have different expectations but there are some that everyone should have if they want to embark on a healthy and enriching relationship.

Not every relationship you have will go the distance – that’s just the way love goes. However, you may be lucky enough to meet the one you want to spend the rest of your life with very early on.

Perhaps you don’t even want to meet someone for a serious relationship yet, and you want to keep things casual. All of that is fine and valid. But, you need to have healthy expectations in a relationship so you can enjoy every experience and not come out of it feeling scarred and as though you never want to date again.

Here are some healthy relationship expectations everyone should have. [Read: What does a healthy relationship look like?]

1. Know the difference between needs and desires

This is what most of us get confused about which is why we try not to expect anything. But there’s a clear difference between your needs and desires. You should have expectations which fulfill your needs. These are things that are necessary for living a healthy life.

For example, a need could be that your partner doesn’t have an addiction issue or that they’re faithful. A desire is something you’d like to have but isn’t essential for your life such as an expensive car or money. [Read: The signs of a healthy relationship you should always look for]

2. Sex is not absolutely necessary as one of the expectations in a relationship

Now, this doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t be having sex. For most relationships, sex plays a crucial role in the relationship because it creates intimacy.

However, a healthy relationship expectation doesn’t mean you need to have sex on a daily basis.

When we go into a relationship, sometimes we assume that regular sex is a part of the package, but it’s not. A healthy relationship is where both people respect each other’s sexual needs. You might go a few days without sex and that’s fine. But, if you’re having it every day and you’re both super-happy about it, good for you! [Read: How often do you need to have sex for a healthy relationship?]

3. Your partner will screw up occasionally – and so will you – One of the key expectations in a relationship

When we’re with someone, we sometimes assume that they always know how we feel or what we want in that specific moment. However, a healthy relationship consists of communication and expressing needs and desires.

Your partner can’t read your mind and though they may know you pretty well, they’re not you. A healthy relationship realizes that and understands that no one is a mind reader.

Sometimes your partner may screw up and hurt you without meaning to. As long as it’s not a terrible mistake, such as cheating, you can work through it and communicate what hurt you and why you won’t tolerate it. But, know that you’re not perfect yourself and there will also be times when you screw up too. [Read: How to apologize and say sorry to a lover]

4. Knowing and accepting each other’s flaws

If you’re new in a relationship, right now everything may feel fine and dandy, but let’s be honest, we’re all flawed. Yes, that means you as well. But this isn’t about hiding your flaws from your partner.

Eventually, they’re going to show. A healthy expectation is knowing that your partner is flawed and you accept their flaws for what they are. You don’t try to mold them into something else or change fundamental parts of who they are.

5. Accepting responsibility

No one likes admitting that they screwed up, but have you ever been in a relationship where your partner blames you for everything? Did that feel good? Did that feel healthy?

Of course, it didn’t feel good. But that’s obviously a reason why you’re not with them anymore. See, a healthy relationship will have its ups and downs, but both people take responsibility for their actions and can admit and apologize for their mistakes. [Read: 15 signs of a healthy relationship you should always look for]

6. Communication is always key

This is not only a healthy relationship expectation, but it’s a crucial one to have. You need to be able to communicate with your partner in a safe, open, and honest environment. If not, well, your relationship isn’t going to last.

This is something you need to have in any relationship. Can you imagine not being able to talk to your partner about your feelings? If that’s the case, what’s the point of having a partner?

7. Promises can be broken occasionally

We’ve all watched so many chick flicks that most of us have that narrative stuck in our heads. Put simply, that isn’t healthy for anyone. First of all, it makes the guy have to act like prince charming, and secondly, it gives women the idea that we need to have a happily ever after.

Here’s the thing, we’re all human. So, sure, you may have made your partner a promise to go running every day with them but now you’re bored of it. It’s perfectly fine to break that promise because you’re not actually hurting anyone.

However, know that it’s not every promise that can be broken. If you promise your partner something very important to them, or vice versa, you should understand the gravity of that situation and never break the promise you made. [Read: Why you need to get off your white horse and save yourself first]

8. Priorities change throughout life

When we enter a relationship, at least during the honeymoon phase, we’re usually the highest priority on our partner’s list. Naturally, this will change with time. Of course, you will always be a priority and if you feel that you’re less important than a football game, well, then you need to evaluate your relationship.

However, you and your partner have obligations and relationships outside of your own, so, from time to time, your priorities will shift. Knowing and understanding that they’ll shift from time to time is a healthy expectation to have.

Of course, that doesn’t mean you can allow your partner to take you for granted or always put you last. If that’s the case, you need to have a whole other conversation. [Read: The right priority in your relationship – How to find & focus on it]

9. You support one another – one of the important relationship expectations

This is a healthy and needed expectation to have for your relationship. You should always feel that your partner is supportive of your decisions and you should support theirs.

Even if they don’t agree with the choice you’re making, they’re by your side while you make it *unless it’s illegal*. You shouldn’t feel that you’re going through something alone when you have a partner. If that’s the case, then you’re better off single. [Read: 15 rules to be a good partner in the relationship]

10. We all learn through making mistakes

We all make mistakes, but what’s important is if we learn from them. This is a healthy expectation to have. Imagine being with someone who continues to make the same mistake over and over again? Of course, it’ll take a couple times for them to get it right, but you want them to understand and learn from their mistakes.

If not, then you’re doomed to circle around the same old conflict again and again. It’ll drive you insane.

11. You both need alone time

Some people become upset when they’re not around their partner every day and night. Now, we completely understand this feeling, however, it’s normal to want some time on your own to do things by yourself.

Your partner may not want to go to the gym but you want to, so go alone. Emotional dependency isn’t a sign of a strong relationship. The sign of a healthy relationship is when both partners enjoy doing things together and apart. It’s about balance. [Read: How to stop the codependency for a healthy relationship]

12. If you have expectations in a relationship, know that you can laugh together

If you can’t laugh with your partner, then why are you with them? A healthy relationship expectation is being able to sit down, watch a movie, and laugh with your partner. This is the person who brings joy and love into your life. Laughing shows that you are connected. If you can’t laugh together, how will you be able to cry together?

13. They’ll always have your back

A healthy expectation in a relationship is that your partner will always have your back. If someone is talking behind you, they’ll stick up for you. If you need someone to back you up, they’re there.

You’re a team and that means always being there for one another when you need someone in your corner. Of course, you have to do the same for them too! [Read: 10 signs your partner is truly supportive of your goals]

14. You will go through hard times

If you’re going into a relationship expecting everything to be perfectly happy and roses all the time, you’re deluded. Relationships are hard. Sometimes you’ll butt heads and the conflict will go on for days. But, you communicate and work it out because the love you have for one another is more important than what you’re fighting about.

Don’t expect everything to be perfect all time and understand that sometimes things will be tough. But, know that you’ll get through it and the tough times won’t last forever.

15. You can agree to disagree

For sure, your partner should have your back and always be on your side, but that doesn’t mean you have to agree with each other all the time.

You might have totally different political views, you might believe something completely different, or your opinions might clash. None of that matters if you can agree to disagree and respect the other person’s view. [Read: Are relationship fights normal? 15 signs you’re fighting too often]

We’re all unique and different and that’s the wonderful thing about being human. If you expect that you’re going to agree all the time, you’re in for a shock. Never start to clone yourself into your partner so that you nod along with everything they say, and don’t expect them to do the same for you.

It’s true that you need to agree on some important things, such as whether you want children or not, but not everything. Remain yourselves and live in harmony instead. It’ll make for a much more enriching and fulfilling relationship. 

16. Loyalty and zero cheating

Unless you’ve sat down and decided that you’re going to have an open relationship, there should be no cheating going on. For sure, if you’re in a casual relationship, that’s a different scenario. But a monogamous relationship shouldn’t feature one or both partners going off and having relations with other people unless it’s been agreed as fine beforehand.

Loyalty and monogamy are healthy relationship boundaries that should be discussed and followed by both partners. [Read: What is cheating in a relationship? The truth most people ignore]

17. You can trust one another

You should 100% expect to be able to trust your partner come what may. If you don’t trust one another, the relationship is going to break down pretty quickly.

Trust is so important. Far too many people assume that love is the glue that holds two people together, and in a huge way it is, but trust and respect are also parts of that. Without trust, your relationship is going to be a miserable experience and you’ll always be looking over your shoulder. Do you really want that?

18. You always tell the truth

If you catch someone in a lie just once, it is enough to make you question every single thing they’ve told you. After all, if they can lie about that, they can lie about anything, right? Of course, it might sound a bit of an overreaction but one lie can erode away at trust in an instant. 

A very healthy relationship expectation to have is that you can rely upon them to tell you the truth always. Lies should not feature in your union.

Of course, that always means that you do the same – even a white lie can be damaging if you’re caught in it. Trust is so easily broken. [Read: Why do people lie in relationships? 10 reasons why we fib]

19. The relationship should be equal

We don’t live in the dark ages anymore. A relationship should be equal regardless of how much money one partner makes, gender, or any other thing that might have once got in the way. You should definitely expect to be an equal partner in the relationship and you should treat each other as such.

Without that, you’re going to start to feel lacking in confidence and overwhelmed by your partner. And vice versa. Equality is a baseline expectation and it’s more than healthy. 

20. Spending quality time together

It’s so easy to become overwhelmed with work, studying, family life, and everything else that gets in the way. But you should make time for one another and never cancel on dates unless something extremely serious has got in the way.

Making time for one another is a vital part of any relationship. If your partner is always off with their friends and rarely gives you much time, that’s a problem. If when you’re out together they’re always chatting on their phone, that’s a huge issue that also signals a lack of respect. [Read: 33 awesome date ideas every couple should try]

Remember, sometimes we all mess up and that means a relationship expectation might not be met. However, as long as the mistake is recognized, apologized for, and not repeated, you can overcome it with communication and sticking together as a team. 

[Read: 30 must-follow relationship rules for healthy love]

See? Healthy relationship expectations aren’t necessarily a bad thing. Know what you want in a relationship and that way, your needs are covered.

The post 20 Healthy Expectations in a Relationship that Define a Good Love Life is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

How to Understand Women: 12 Truths Behind How They Think & Behave

Think you know how to understand women? Think again. Women are complex and if you want to understand the lady in your life, you need to think like a woman. 

We hear it all the time, “women are so complicated.” But, we actually think that men enjoy thinking that women are complicated because they like drama. Sure, some women are complicated, but, so are some men. If you’re finding yourself having issues learning how to understand women, that’s because you’re thinking like a man.

In order to know how to understand women, you need to tap into your feminine side, your emotional side. We’re human beings, so we’re all emotional, however, men tend to suppress their feelings as opposed to women.

What you need to do is embrace that side of you and that way, you’ll learn how to understand women. [Read: Mars and venus? 13 obvious gender differences in communication]

Are women really all that different?

You could argue that we’re all human beings, so how can we really be that different from one another? Well, that’s true but for some unknown reason, men and women are very different species.

Not everyone agrees with this viewpoint, but overall, men tend to be more logic-driven, while women tend to be more emotionally-driven. This isn’t the case for all women, of course. But, the majority of women tend to be more intuitive and empathetic, compared to men who often take things as they see them and don’t dig too deeply into issues.

If you want to learn how to understand women, you have to start seeing things through the eyes of a woman. Women experience life very differently from men, just as men have their own experiences.

By seeing things outside of your own view, you can perhaps understand things a little better, from a whole new perspective as well. [Read: What do women want in a man? The 14 things women actually want]

12 keys to learning how to understand women

While women may be different from men, we’re not as complicated as you think! Really, we’re not. So if you just remember these things, you’ll learn how to understand women and be a lot happier in the process. [Read: Girly things – What your girlfriend is really gossiping about]

1. Men and women think differently

It’s just the way it is. Men and women process information differently, that’s all there is to it. It’s not that women are crazy, it’s just that we see things differently in comparison to you.

That’s just something you’ll have to accept, especially if you want to know how to understand women. Don’t question it, just know it and work with it.

2. All women are different

We’re human beings, so naturally, everyone reacts differently to all situations. If you have a sibling, you may be very close, but you’re different in your own right. You may be the same gender, however, react completely the opposite to stress.

Some women will talk about their issues out loud, others like to be alone to process them. It really depends on the person. [Read: 23 things girls wish guys knew about a girl’s mind]

3. Women don’t compartmentalize

Men can have a crappy day at work, come home, and still enjoy the evening with their families. However, women are a bit different. If we have a bad day at work, we take it home with us.

We’re emotionally connected, and so for us to simply “get over” an issue isn’t as easy as it is for you. So, if your girlfriend had a fight with her mom and she’s been on edge ever since, she’s having difficulty processing it.

Most women tend to only be totally happy when there is harmony in life, i.e. nothing major going on that’s causing her to worry or overthink.

4. Watch her actions

When we’re pissed off, we’re less likely to tell you and more likely to show you. Yes, we should probably be more verbal in that department, but for some reason, we feel the need for you guys to figure it out on your own.

So, if you want to get ahead, watch her actions – she won’t be able to hide it. [Read: How to comfort a girl – 15 thoughtful ways to do it right]

5. Ask her how she feels

Many men just simply ignore this, and it’s not because you guys don’t care, it’s just that you think differently. You guys need to connect to your emotional side if you want to know how to understand women.

So, ask her how she feels, and she’ll tell you. Not only will you connect with her, but you’ll also be able to understand her emotional and mental state by asking her this simple question. [Read: 10 ways to be a better listener in your relationship]

6. Don’t try to problem-solve right away

When a guy listens to a woman’s problems, the first thing he does is bring out his problem-solving skills. Women don’t mind men trying to problem-solve, however, sometimes we just need someone to listen.

So, instead of trying to solve the issue right away, listen to her issue and ask her how she feels. Then, you can problem-solve.

7. She speaks the truth when angry

If your girlfriend, wife, boss, or mother is pissed off at you, listen to what they’re telling you. You probably don’t want to, but that’s when they’ll tell you how they really feel. Maybe she feels unappreciated, overworked, or ignored. She’ll tell you and you just need to listen. [Read: Why you should tell the truth even when it hurts and why it matters]

8. We don’t mean to bring up the past

We really don’t. Okay, sometimes we use it as a tool to piss you guys off, but for the most part, we don’t mean it. If it comes up in an argument, it’s because the memory came back to us, and it bothers us.

But for the most part, we use the past to make a connection to what’s bothering us now. [Read: The serious face – 21 things you do that really hurts her feelings]

9. Be patient

You know that men and women are different, so that’s done. But to actually know how to understand women, you’re going to have to be patient. We’re not complicated, but we are different than men, so this will take time for you to learn and understand.

Believe us, you’re going to say the wrong things at the wrong time, but with time, you’ll figure it out.

10. Are you actually understanding her when she speaks?

If you want to understand a woman, you need to first see if you’re actually understanding her when she speaks.

Are you understanding why she’s upset about you not doing the dishes, or why she’s stressed at work? If you’re having difficulty, try putting yourself in her shoes, and connecting with her emotions. Also, ask her to explain if you’re not comprehending. [Read: 33 signs and qualities that make a really great boyfriend]

11. Know that our feelings usually pass

You may not think it, but our feelings do pass. Sure, we were mad at you, but we’re not going to hold onto it for days and days. Not to say that some women don’t like to hold grudges, but there are men out there who do the same. No feeling is permanent.

12. She just wants to be appreciated

Know that underneath it all, she really just wants to be appreciated. She wants you to see what you do for her and be grateful. She wants to know that you’re happy she’s in your life. Also, she wants to know that you notice the small things she does for you. A ‘thank you’ once in a while really will help you out. [Read: How to make your girlfriend happy and feel like the luckiest girl ever]

Now you know how to understand women, it’s time to practice

To learn how to understand women, you need to change the way you think. That’s not going to happen overnight. You need to practice! You can start now. Simply try and tune into your emotional side a little more and put yourself in her shoes. 

The more you practice, the easier you’ll find it to understand the special ladies in your life. 

[Read: What do girls find attractive? 15 things all girls find appealing]

If you want to learn how to understand women, all you have to do is pay attention. See? We’re not as intense as you think!

The post How to Understand Women: 12 Truths Behind How They Think & Behave is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

56 Romantic Questions to Ask Your Boyfriend & Feel Instantly Closer

Do you want to bring some romance into your relationship? The best way to start is by talking. Here are the best romantic questions to ask your boyfriend. 

Questions are great in a relationship, it helps you get to know your partner and the other way around as well. But what kind of benefit do you see from using any kind of romantic questions to ask your boyfriend?

Honestly, everyone loves romance! And when you’re in a relationship, new or old, it always feels nice to know you’re loved and desired, and all your feelings are reciprocated by the one you love.

But bringing up the topic of romance isn’t easy, especially when being overly romantic is considered cheesy by many people. So how do you bring intimacy and romance into your daily life without relying on gestures?

Well, sometimes, all you need are a few perfect questions. And we have the best romantic questions to ask your boyfriend that’ll make him feel loved up and mushy, and you’ll feel the same way as well!

It’s not easy keeping the spark alive, which is why you need to come up with different ways to engage with your partner. And these romantic questions to ask your boyfriend are a great place to start. 

[Read: How to be a good girlfriend – 27 ways to make your guy love you more]

What kind of romantic questions work best?

When it comes to anything romantic, there are two directions to go that would work perfectly. One, talk about your past together, where you talk about your memories as an individual and as a couple. And two, you talk about the future, the one you both see together.

As long as you focus on these two aspects when you’re looking for romantic questions to ask your boyfriend, every single one of your conversations can take a romantic and lovey twist effortlessly!

[Read: What is pillow talk? How to use it right and perfect your romance]

But how are you going to do that? Well, luckily, it’s not too hard. You just need to ask your partner the right questions. This is why we have these perfect, romantic questions to ask your boyfriend.

All you need to do is set the scene. Dim the lights, put on some romantic music, crack open a bottle of wine, light some candles, and pick the questions you want to ask him. Make a fun night out of it and connect on a deeper level with your partner.

[Read: 30 flirty and fun questions to ask your boyfriend and learn his secrets]

When to ask your boyfriend romantic questions?

Before you check out these romantic questions to ask your boyfriend, you’re probably wondering when is a good time to even ask these questions.

Of course, there isn’t a specific point in time when you need to ask these questions, but some moments are better than others.

If your boyfriend had a stressful day at work or school, perhaps asking him romantic questions isn’t the right time. You want to ask him when he’s in a good mood. If not, he may not answer them the way he would otherwise, or pay much attention to the questions.

If you want, you can start by answering one of the questions yourself and see how he replies. Oh, and make sure you answer them as well! You want to have a conversation, not an interview!

[Read: 30 serious but important questions to ask your boyfriend to form a deep bond with him]

Why is asking romantic questions important for love?

Do you know your partner? Like do you really know your partner? Yes, you probably know what they’re like on a day-to-day basis, but mostly you don’t know their past experiences and what goes on in their head.

Most of us only ask our partner, “how are you?” or “how was your day?”, but there’s more to your boyfriend than that. You don’t want to know only how they are, you also want to know who they are on the deepest level. It’s crucial to ask these questions to get to know your boyfriend and understand him in a way you haven’t before.

How to ask your boyfriend romantic questions

While you want to connect with your partner, the goal isn’t to ask as many questions as possible. The point is to get to know him. Ask your boyfriend a question, let him answer, and then answer it as well. Most likely, this question will bring up a discussion and that’s what you want.

Through this, you learn more and more about your partner. The goal isn’t to ask as many questions as possible, it’s to connect over the questions you do ask. So, get ready to open up and be vulnerable together. Some questions may be uncomfortable, but answering them will bring you closer together.

Should you text these questions or ask them in person?

Texts are great, and they’re a fun way to ask these questions. It takes the stress off both of you, and there’s no pressure to answer immediately. But if you’re comfortable asking these questions in person, they’d work a lot better too. You won’t just get a one-sentence reply but you can make a whole conversation out of a single question, and that will bring both of you closer and feel more loved as well.

So text your boyfriend these romantic questions if you’d like, but if you have a choice, ask them in person when you’re both just hanging out on a lazy evening.

[Read: 25 topics to talk about or text your boyfriend to bring you two closer]

The best romantic questions to ask your boyfriend

It’s bonding time! Here are some of the easiest but most insightful romantic questions to ask your boyfriend.

Go through the list and pick the questions that you feel would connect with the two of you. And if you’re not sure which ones to pick, randomly select them—just have fun with it!

1. What do you think about the idea of marriage?

[Read: What is the right age to get married?]

2. Where would you like to go on our next vacation?

3. What’s the number one thing you look for in a partner?

4. What’s something important you’ve learned from other couples?

5. What’s your favorite love song?

6. What did you think of me when you first saw me?

7. Do you want children? If so, how many do you want?

8. What’s a mistake you’ve made in past relationships that you don’t want to repeat?

9. What’s your favorite sexual position?

[Read: Sex positions guys love – 12 easy moves that will make your guy keep coming back for more]

10. If we were marooned on a deserted island, what three things do you think we should take?

11. What’s the most romantic place you’ve ever been to?

12. Do you remember our first kiss / first date? What do you remember most about that moment?

13. Have you ever had your heart broken?

14. What do you think you’ll do when you retire?

15. What are you the most grateful for in your life?

16. What are your relationship deal breakers?

[Read: 17 biggest relationship deal breakers to watch out for]

17. If you could live inside the world of a TV show, which show would it be?

18. What was your first sexual experience like? What did you think after?

19. What’s your dream for us?

20. Do you think we met each other at the right time in our lives?

21. What’s a lesson you learned from each of your past relationships?

22. If I die, how soon would you date someone else? *of course, this is meant to be funny, so just give him your blessing to date someone within a week!*

23. What’s your favorite fragrance?

24. What did you expect from a partner when you first gave dating a real thought?

25. What kind of music puts you in a sexy mood?

[Read: 60 sexy and dirty things to say to your guy + the art of dirty talk]

26. How would you want to be aroused if I were a complete stranger you hooked up with?

27. If you could define your perfect life, how would you define it?

28. How would you want me to approach you and help you if you were in a bad mood?

29. What is the one thing that scares you the most in life?

30. What’s your favorite thing about me?

31. What’s the one accomplishment you’re most proud of?

32. What did you think of me when you first saw me?

33. What do you like most about our sex life?

34. How can we improve our sex life?

35. If we could travel together with an unlimited budget, where would we go?

[Read: 10 types of vacations that create romance and bring you closer]

36. If there was something you could change about yourself to be a better partner, what would it be?

37. If you have no choice but to change something about me, what would you change?

38. What’s the best present you’ve ever been given?

39. What does friendship mean to you? What do you value the most in friendship?

40. What are your biggest sexual fantasies?

[Read: The top 50 kinky sexual fantasies that are worth trying at least once in your life]

41. Have you ever cheated or been cheated on?

42. How can we make our relationship even better?

43. What is the weirdest reason you’ve ever broken up with someone?

44. Can you tell me a secret you haven’t ever told me or anyone else until now?

45. Do you think a relationship can come back from cheating?

[Read: Is it possible to regain trust after cheating?]

46. Who do you owe for turning out to be the guy you are today?

47. What physical action or gesture do you find romantic?

48. What would you do if you could be a woman for a day?

49. Who was your first kiss? Where was it?

50. What relationship cliché do you think is true?

51. What is the most important trait of a good relationship?

[Read: What to look for in a relationship – 23 traits of the perfect romance]

52. Do you think I compromise for you enough? Or do you think I can sometimes be a bit selfish?

53. Do you feel respected in the relationship?

54. How can I help you feel like a better person?

55. Do I make enough time for you every week?

56. What is your definition of a perfect date?

[Read: 10 rom-com cliches that never work out in real life]

Give these romantic questions a try, and remember to take his answers lightly. Most guys worry their girlfriend may get offended by some of the answers, so guys usually try to avoid answering too many questions in one go.

But if you show him that you’re not offended nor are you trying to put him in a spot, your boyfriend will only open up and feel more at ease when it comes to talking about his feelings and sharing his thoughts with you.

[Read: 150+ personal questions to ask a guy and get him to open up to you]

You have the right questions, now all you need to do is ask them! Enjoy these romantic questions to ask your boyfriend and get to know each other on a deeper level.

The post 56 Romantic Questions to Ask Your Boyfriend & Feel Instantly Closer is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

Is Watching Porn Cheating? NO But It Can Make or Break Your Sex Life

What do you think, is watching porn cheating? Or, is it simply a little harmless fun that helps you get in the mood? Let’s explore a little deeper. 

Let’s be honest, many men watch porn. However, many women do too. When you don’t watch it too often or use it to develop unrealistic expectations, it can form a part of a healthy sex life. However, many people ask the question, is watching porn cheating?

If you walked in on your boyfriend enjoying himself while watching a porn flick, how would you feel? Would you find it a turn-on, or would you feel somehow betrayed?

After all, if someone is watching porn, they usually don’t know the person on the screen personally, nor are they doing anything with them, are they? They’re simply turned on by the action that’s going on.

Also, if you regularly watch porn yourself, do you feel like you’re cheating on your partner? Or, do you wish that you could share your enjoyment of porn with them?

There’s so much to talk about when it comes to porn and the cheating dilemma, so let’s answer the question first, and get to the details.

[Read: Understanding what micro-cheating is and the unintentional signs you’re doing it]

Is watching porn cheating? The honest truth

Let’s answer this right away before we weigh in on both sides of the issue.

Watching porn is NOT cheating. But it is a BETRAYAL towards your partner. It will hurt your partner. And it will make them think less of themselves.

So while porn isn’t really cheating, it is something that can cause your partner’s self-esteem to plummet, and they’d always wonder if they’re good enough for you. And this, in turn, will affect your relationship negatively, and may even cause a breakup.

So there, we’ve said it. Is porn cheating? No. But can it destroy your relationship? Yes, probably, if you don’t do it right. On the contrary, can it help your relationship too? Yes! And we’ll get to more on this in a bit, so you can understand every single aspect of watching porn.

[Read: 17 of the best naughty sex ideas to spice up your sex life overnight]

Why do people watch porn?

It’s obvious, isn’t it? Whether most of us want to admit it or not, watching one, two *or sometimes more* people getting down and dirty is a bit of a turn-on. It’s that taboo of watching something you’re not supposed to and that makes it even hotter.

There are two reasons why we watch porn:

1. To see sexy naked people

Let’s be honest, when we watch porn, it’s mostly to see naked people in different states of arousal and orgasms *at least for men*. Men and women watch porn because they get aroused watching attractive people undressing and playing with themselves, or with others.

Also, if you’re wondering, is watching porn cheating, this is the biggest reason that causes a rift between two people in a relationship. If you’re watching porn because you find a particular porn star sexually arousing, and your partner knows about this, as “cool” as they are with you watching porn, it could bother them or make them feel insecure.

2. To arouse yourself while watching the scenario

While most men enjoy watching naked women *which is why you’ll see so many guys searching for nude celebrity videos*, almost all men and women do enjoy watching scenes that they have never acted out in real life – role play, threesomes, fantasies, you name it.

There’s a porn clip for every kind of dirty thought you can ever imagine, and if you can’t act it out, you can at least see someone else doing it, and use it as an escape.

It’s kind of like watching a superhero movie, you can never be one in real life, so the least you can do is watch someone else play a superhero in a movie and enoy it!

[Read: The top 50 sex ideas and fantasies that are worth trying at least once in your life]

Porn is pleasurable and fun, in moderation

There are very few people who can honestly say that watching someone have sex on screen doesn’t give them a bit of pleasurable tingle. So, that’s the main reason why people choose to watch porn. [Read: Happy sex life – What a good sex life should look like in real life]

However, it can also be that someone watches too much porn because they’ve become addicted. The thrill you get when watching porn, or the naughty secret of watching something you’re “not supposed to” can be addictive to some. If it gets to that point, for sure, there’s a problem that needs addressing.

Porn isn’t realistic. That’s something else we need to remember. In reality, sex is not as polished as you see on screen.

Porn doesn’t feature odd noises and weird sex faces. That’s why watching too much porn can lead to an unrealistic view of what real sex is like. However, if you only watch it occasionally and enjoy it, where’s the harm? [Read: How to spice up your sex life in 30 sexy ways]

When does porn prompt the same pain as cheating in a relationship?

While watching porn isn’t really cheating, there are some circumstances where it definitely does feel like cheating. At least, your partner would feel that way.

1. When you prefer specific actors

Watching porn isn’t cheating, but if you prefer watching the same actors to arouse yourself or to masturbate to, is it just random anymore?

You’re obviously aroused by a particular person and their naked body. So this isn’t just mindless porn anymore, it’s a sexual crush on someone *even if you probably can’t have sex with them in real life*.

2. When you pay for porn

Some people consider paying for porn to be similar to paying someone to sleep with you. When you pay for porn, it’s not the case of you just watching something casually.

When you pay for it, it becomes an integral part of your lifestyle because you probably spend at least some time everyday using porn to satisfy yourself sexually.

3. You watch people on cams

Cam girls *and guys* are a grey area. And this is extremely close to cheating as well. If you’re interacting with nude people on cams and tipping them to perform sexual actions, you’re creating a sexual interaction. It’s no more about watching someone nude, you’re talking to them and they’re performing specific actions especially for you. [Read: Danger – What to do if you’re suddenly sexually attracted to a friend?]

4. You pay for a subscription like OnlyFans

OnlyFans may be a rage now, and this is as close as porn can come to the typical girl next door from the same neighborhood fantasy, to real life.

If you’re paying to watch acquaintances and people you know personally on their OnlyFans accounts, is that not cheating? You’re obviously sexually attracted to them in real life, and if you could, you probably would meet them in real life and have sex with them as well. [Read: How to stop being attracted to a friend and feel normal again]

5. You follow the actors on social media

It’s one thing to watch porn, but if you follow these actors on social media to keep track of their lives, it isn’t just porn anymore. It’s a crush, and in all probability, you’re sexually attracted to the person and want to know everything you can about them and their lives.

Would you cheat if you could with your fantasy crush?

What’s worse about all of the above scenarios is that you’re probably hiding it from your partner. And when you do this, chances are, you’re cheating, even if only in your mind.

Let’s be honest, when you watch specific Instagram models, cam girls, or porn stars, you’re not having sex with them. But you are deeply sexually aroused by them. You’re not having sex with them, but if you could do it in real life, you’d probably jump at the chance!

If your partner knew about this, they would definitely feel betrayed, or hurt. If you know your partner felt the same way you do about some other person, and that sexy someone makes your partner incredibly horny, you’d feel betrayed as well.

So is porn cheating? Not really, even if you’re thinking of cheating, or you’re fantasizing about cheating with your favorite actors or cam girls, you’re not doing it in person. So it’s not cheating.

BUT you would cheat if you could. And that is some kind of betrayal. Because if you did have the chance to meet this sexual crush of yours in real life *because you were incredibly desirable, rich and famous* and they threw themselves at you, could you hold yourself back?

[Read: What is cheating in a relationship? The honest truth most people ignore]

Porn can bring out our deepest insecurities

Let’s assume you watch porn. And let’s assume you’re in a healthy relationship, and your partner knows you watch porn. What if your favorite kind of porn were “busty girls” or “big dicks”? And now, what if your girl had small breasts? Or what if your guy had a small penis?

You love your partner, and are probably very sexually attracted to them. But if your porn preferences were completely opposite to what your partner is endowed with in real life, chances are, your partner would feel incredibly insecure about their own bodies.

Really, if you like their small boobs, why are you looking for big boobs online? Porn is bad enough with sexy actors and their perfect nude bodies and perfectly bleached crevices, but specific preferences *that your partner isn’t endowed with in real life* can make anyone feel even more insecure about their own bodies.

So again, is watching porn cheating? No. But however subtle you are about your porn preferences, chances are, you will make your partner feel insecure about themselves. [Read: Do you have an insecure girlfriend? 30 signs and ways to help her]

How would you feel about your partner watching porn?

On one hand, you might be sad to find out your partner watches porn. On the other hand, you might be pretty pragmatic about it and understand that maybe it’s just a bit of naughty fun for them. So, is watching porn cheating?

Of course, your answer may be different from our answer, but it’s important to see the different perspectives surrounding this problem. [Read: 10 good reasons why women should watch porn]

When it comes to cheating, everyone has a pretty clear definition of what it is in real life. But how we interact with people has changed. Cheating is defined as when a person in a relationship has sex or emotionally engages with someone outside of their relationship.

It sounds pretty straightforward. But what if the “other” person is a video recording of two people having sex, or a sexy nude person on a cam? Now, this is when things get tricky. [Read: Relationship rules – The 30 must know tips to live your best love life]

Here’s the honest truth, when it comes to cheating, though we have a definition of it, it’s different for everyone. Some people feel that their partner flirting with someone else is cheating. For someone else, it’s a kiss, or it could be when their partner becomes emotionally attached to someone else.

Cheating comes in different forms. Some people can accept their partner physically having sex with someone else, but an emotional attachment crosses the line. It depends on the person’s boundaries.

Can you stop your partner from watching porn?

This is the crazy part. Unlike stopping your partner from cheating on you with your hot neighbor, it’s almost impossible to “stop” anyone from watching porn. It’s so accessible, and it’s everywhere!

You can watch it in bed, at work, on your phone when you’re taking a shower or in the loo, while waiting for the bus or sitting in a cab, literally anywhere! And all you have to do is delete your browser history. It’s that simple.

And even if your partner were to avoid porn sites in every way just to stay “mentally loyal” to you, what about social media? Are you going to ban social media from your partner’s life as well? Instagram, TikTok and other social media apps are getting really naughty as well, and you may not see a sexy person’s naughty bits on a social media feed, but it’s enough to feel like porn!

Men vs women and how they feel about their partner watching porn

Men and women usually view porn in a totally different light. Most men are completely okay if their girlfriend or wife watches porn. They may even get aroused by it, and want to join in.

On the other hand, women usually feel more insecure and are more offended when they find out their husband or boyfriend are watching porn behind their back.

And that just makes watching porn and drawing the line for cheating all the more confusing!

Remember, porn isn’t real but it can still hurt

Porn or some variation of it is here to stay. And as jealous as you may feel about it when you catch your partner pinching and zooming into some hot person’s Insta photo, it’s not real life.

When someone cheats on their partner with another person, that’s real. It physically happened. But porn isn’t real. Both male and female porn actors are paid to perform sexual acts together on screen.And the whole intention of porn is to arouse the viewer.

Porn is designed to create an over-the-top and unrealistic sexual experience for viewers, even if it’s interactive. [Read: These alternatives to porn will help you get hot and wet without it]

Watching porn isn’t cheating. Of course, if your partner awkwardly discovers you watching porn, it’ll be uncomfortable and possibly make them feel insecure, but, it’s not cheating in the traditional sense.

Your partner will probably wonder why they can’t sexually satisfy you and may think that you’re going to cheat on them in the future. But watching porn isn’t cheating as long as you haven’t actually done anything physically or engaged emotionally with the person you’re watching on screen.

But, porn can be a problem in a relationship

If you’re watching porn as a substitute for sex with your partner, then this is a huge warning of something greater happening in your future. If you prefer masturbation over real sex with your partner, that’s a cause for worry as well.

Look at why you’re going to porn for sexual satisfaction instead of choosing sexual intimacy with your partner. This doesn’t mean you’re cheating, but it’s an opening to you overstepping your boundaries in the future. [Read: 5 signs you’re addicted and 15 ways to get over porn ASAP]

Has your relationship suffered because you watch porn? Porn can become a huge problem if you keep it a secret, or if it interferes with your real sex life. Once you have kept something a secret, this creates distrust in the relationship, as your partner wonders what else you’re hiding.

It’s also important to remember that when in a relationship, we all have different sexual needs. And sometimes, our partners aren’t able to provide those needs to us.

For example, maybe you have a specific fantasy that your partner doesn’t want to engage in. Watching porn can offer you the experience without cheating on your partner.

Maybe your partner is sick or not feeling sexual, which is completely fine. But you can still have solo-sex with yourself. Porn can provide you with variety during masturbation, and spice up your solo-sex. [Read: Why do men watch porn? The answer may not be what you think]

Social media and porn and letting your partner know about it

Your partner may not see eye to eye with you on this, and that’s okay. But it’s important you sit down with them and explain why you watch porn. If you’re not open and honest with them, that’s when the problems occur.

Of course, with all the easy access we have to porn these days, even on your phone, it would be silly if you have to report to them every single time you open a porn site to pleasure yourself. And that would be an awkward conversation have as well! “Honey, I’m going to take a shower, and I’ll be watching porn for a few minutes in the loo because I’m bored!” somehow doesn’t sound very nice, does it?

Think of it like social media, you use it, your partner knows you use it, and you don’t deny using it. But there are a few things you wouldn’t dream of doing on social media at the risk of hurting your partner – like commenting something sexual to a random sexy person, flirting with someone, or trying to have an online affair, and the like.

And just as you’ve learned to behave on social media, the same rules should apply to porn as well. Don’t cross the line, and if your partner ever feels like porn is getting in the way of your real sex life, perhaps it’s time for a porn sites detox, just as you would do with social media. [Read: Social media addiction – 16 alarming symptoms and how to break out]

Don’t keep porn a secret

Don’t keep your porn a secret; let your partner know what you’re doing and why you’re doing it. It may help them have a better understanding of your needs.

If your partner isn’t used to watching porn, why don’t you introduce it to them? Many couples watch porn together as foreplay often.

Not to mention, it’s a great way to discover each other’s fantasy and turn-ons. Who knows, maybe you will incorporate what you see in porn into your own sex lives. [Read: Porn for couples and how it could save your relationship]

Instead of watching it alone and hiding porn as a dirty little secret, explore it together with your partner. Once you’re both comfortable with the idea of porn, and feel secure enough to not feel threatened by it, you’ll see that porn can be a really fun part of your sexual arsenal to keep you both aroused and sexually satisfied in bed, for years to come.

The last step – Decide if porn is cheating together as a couple

Porn isn’t cheating. What causes the problems is when you hide your behavior from your partner, or if porn affects your sex life negatively. That’s when feelings of insecurity and distrust arise, which leads to feelings of betrayal.

So, talk to your partner about porn and share your feelings with them. Who knows what they’ll say. Maybe they’ll want to join in with you on the fantasy. [Read: 25 very common porn myths that people still believe]

So what’s the easiest way to fix this? Watch it together. And before you type “big boobs” or “big dick” when your partner is sitting next to you, try to be empathetic. Take turns to pick specific scenarios, or if you believe your partner is particularly insecure about porn, allow them to pick something to watch together.

You need to remember that the biggest cause of feeling betrayed while watching porn is INSECURITY. If you make your partner feel insecure when you watch porn, either by watching something that triggers their insecurity *looking at specific body types they don’t have* or if you can’t have sex with your partner because you’ve had an orgasm watching porn already and just can’t get it up for round two, those are the scenarios when porn can seriously affect your relationship.

So talk about it, watch porn together, and explore sex as a couple. The more your partner learns to trust you, and the more you help them feel secure when you watch porn, the happier both of you will be.

And porn, that’ll just be one more funny, naughty thing you both indulge in, that doesn’t affect your relationship negatively in any way!

[Read: The 15 best female friendly pron sites that are tingingly exciting]

So is watching porn cheating? It’s a tricky situation, but it’s not really classed as cheating. As long as you remember the suggestions on betrayal and insecurity, why not just have a conversation about it with your partner and explore it together?

The post Is Watching Porn Cheating? NO But It Can Make or Break Your Sex Life is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.