How to Tell if a Girl Is Gay by the Way She Behaves Around You

You’re not sure if your crush is vibing you. It could be a variety of reasons, one being she’s a lesbian. But do you know how to tell if a girl is gay?

This is probably one of the most common questions people ask me. They all want to know how to tell if a girl is gay. Listen, at the end of the day, you can’t really tell someone’s sexuality.

No one has “I’m gay” or “I’m straight” written on their foreheads. Sexuality is quite private for many people. Of course, some people give stronger hints of their sexuality, but it’s not always easy to spot.

When I was in high school and university, I was a tomboy. I dressed in sweat pants and always had my hair in a messy ponytail. Did it confuse a lot of people? Of course, it did. Many people assumed I was either a lesbian or bisexual. [Read: The common stereotypes around lesbian women]

How to tell if a girl is gay

So, it’s important to not always go by stereotypical characteristics. At the same time, sometimes stereotypes can help us label someone. If you want to figure out whether a girl is gay or not, *though you can never really know unless she tells you or you ask* there are some attributes you can use to help you out.

I guess you’d call this “gaydar.” Whether you’re a woman or man, here are some ways to figure out how to tell if a girl is gay.

Lez figure it out.

#1 Ask her nicely. I’m emphasizing the word ‘nicely.’ You can’t just walk up to someone and ask them, “are you a lesbian?” First of all, it’s offensive, and secondly, you’re not going to get an answer. But if you ask in a polite manner, she may tell you if you’re a woman. Now, if you’re a man, she may not be so willing. [Read: Why we all need to get on board with sex positivism]

#2 Trust your instincts. If you’re a woman and there’s another woman smiling at you and giving you an eye, she’s probably trying to see whether or not you’re into women. And at that moment, you’ll have an instinctual feeling of what’s going on. If your gut is telling you that she’s interested in you, you’re probably right. And this goes for any sexuality and any person. Follow your gut.

#3 Don’t go by the nails. So many people will look at a girl’s nails to see whether or not she’s a lesbian. Listen, I have short nails, and I’m not a lesbian. Now, there are many lesbians who don’t have long nails because of sex. But then there are other lesbians that do.

So, be wary when using the whole “short nails” sexuality test. [Read: The list of sexualities and what you need to know about each orientation]

#4 She hints it in conversation. Some people try to give you hints through their conversation with you. Maybe she tells you the neighborhood she lives in which is known as an LGBTQ area of town or name drops the last partner she had which happens to be a girl. By talking to her, you’ll be able to find out more information.

#5 Eye contact. We often overlook the subtle clues such as eye contact. But in this case, eye contact is a huge way to tell someone’s sexuality. If she’s staring at you just a little bit longer than normal, she may be checking you out. Most of our communication with other people is done non-verbally. Before even speaking to them, you can get the clues you need through their actions.

#6 How she acts around men. When a straight woman is around an attractive guy, you’ll see her behavior change. She may smile more, laugh, and flirt with him. But if she’s a lesbian, she’s not interested in attracting him. She won’t try to impress him or flirt with him. Why? Because she doesn’t want to go home with him. 

#7 She’s dated girls in the past. I don’t know your relationship to her, but if you both have mutual friends, I would do a little research. If they’ve told you she’s dated women in the past, it could mean she’s either bisexual or a lesbian. Either way, she’s interested in women. Dating history is a great way to figure out who they are into.

#8 The way she dresses. This one is tricky because there are tomboy-like lesbians, femme lesbians, and others who don’t have a distinct style. Of course, the stereotype is lesbians have short hair and dress very masculine. For some, this is how they look. So, you can use this as a way to identify one type of lesbian. But, don’t group lesbians under one umbrella. [Read: 15 ridiculous lesbian myths that you probably still believe]

#9 Where she hangs out. Again, you don’t want to generalize. Many straight women hang out at LGBTQ-bars and clubs. They enjoy the atmosphere and people, yet, they’re straight. But, there’s a higher chance the women in a LGBTQ bar or club are either bisexual or lesbian. So, if you happen to be in an LGBTQ bar and a woman is eyeing you, chances are she’s into you.

#10 She touches you. Women, in general, are more touchy than men. So, this one can be tricky as straight women can hug, touch, and kiss other women without a sexual motive. But, if you notice she’s touching you in more intimate places, fixes your hair, or tries to cuddle you, there’s a higher chance she’s into you. [Read: Lesbian love – what it’s really like to love a woman]

#11 She mentions her queer experiences. Remember, just because a woman has had a sexual experience with another woman, it doesn’t mean she’s a lesbian. But if she’s constantly bringing it up to you, and talking about the experience, she may be subtly suggesting something. Your instinct will tell you what’s going on.

[Read: Is she a lesbian? 6 clear signs to know for sure]

When it comes to understanding how to tell if a girl is gay, there’s no real way to know unless the girl tells you or you ask. If you really want the answer, one of those things must happen.

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