The Narcissistic Friend: 13 Haunting Signs You’re Stuck with One

Friendships are all about the give and take, but is your friend not reciprocating? Here are 13 clear and obvious signs you have a narcissistic friend.

We like to throw the word ‘narcissism’ around when describing people. Most of us don’t really know what it means when we say we have a narcissistic friend or partner.

Basically, narcissism is extreme self-centeredness. Let’s get one thing straight, not everyone who’s a little into themselves is narcissistic. There are some phases in life where we’re more selfish, but that doesn’t qualify someone as being a full-blown narcissist.

Like most things in life, narcissism ranges on a spectrum, with some more severe than others. For example, there are moments where you’d look at me and say, wow, she’s so selfish right now. And looking back at the situation, I would agree. But that doesn’t mean I have a narcissistic personality disorder. [Read: The 16 characteristics of a narcissist that give them away instantly]

How to tell if you have a narcissistic friend

Now, you may have a friend who you managed to figure out is a narcissist. It doesn’t mean they’re a bad person, but sometimes they act incredibly selfish while ignoring your interests. This may happen from time to time, and you won’t think much of it.

But if your friend is negatively impacting your life on a constant basis, then the odds are their narcissism is more severe than you thought. If you’re having these thoughts, you want to cut back on the relationship. But how can you tell you have a narcissistic friend? Well, you’re about to find out.

#1 They talk behind their friend’s backs. Listen, we all have those moments where we’re upset or angry about a friend and then talk to someone else about it. I’m not saying we never talk behind someone’s back, we do. But if your friend routinely trash-talks other people, spreading their personal information around, then that shows their lack of loyalty. [Read: Why narcissists do the selfish things they do]

#2 They show no empathy. You’ve never thought your friend understood you, and well, you’re right. They can’t understand because they lack empathy. Whatever good or bad day you’re having, they’re unable to relate. In their world, they’re without self-awareness. You’re not actually a person, rather, an object to be used and played with.

#3 They knock you down. If you’re doing well in life, don’t go to them to share the good news. Narcissists aren’t into hearing positive news about their friends unless it benefits them.

Otherwise, they’ll take your good news and spin it to knock you down, working on destroying your self-esteem. They can’t handle the fact someone is doing better than them. [Read: How to set boundaries with a narcissist and weaken their hold over you]

#4 It’s their way or the highway. There’s not much negotiating taking place when you have a narcissistic friend. With other people, you debate where you guys want to hang out or have a drink, but with a narcissistic friend, they call the shots. The worst part is they don’t really care how you feel about their decision.

#5 You’ve been gaslighted. You’ve gotten to the point where you’re second-guessing what you’ve said to them in the past. You’re not sure who to believe; your friend or yourself. Narcissistic people will try to spin their words, making you believe a conversation never happened, or they/you said something completely different. [Read: 14 signs a friend is gaslighting and playing mind games with you]

#6 They need special treatment. Needless to say, they’re entitled. Whether they deserve the best or not, in their eyes, they can’t have it any other way. Why? Because they believe they’re more special than everyone else. With a little effort, they expect the world to bow at their feet; unfortunately for them, that’s not reality. 

#7 You’re emotionally drained after hanging out with them. I had a friend like this. Spending an hour with her felt like an eternity. And though we shared some good times, further on into the friendship, I became emotionally drained. Friends are supposed to feed your spirit, not drain everything out of you.

#8 They need to be in control. You suggested grabbing a drink, but it’s at a bar they’ve never been to. This is dangerous territory for them; they must go into the unknown. In other words, it won’t happen. A narcissist needs to be in control of everything around them.

This is why they only go to places where they receive positive attention and know the people there. If they try something new, it’s on their terms. [Read: The 10 most obvious signs of a controlling person]

#9 They think they’re being generous. Ah, yes. They volunteered at a soup kitchen five years ago, and you still hear about how hard it was. Though we like to think narcissists are selfish, which they are, they don’t always act in the stereotypical selfish way. Some narcissists will do good deeds to improve their public image; giving off the impression they’re kind-hearted.

#10 They put you down. Whenever they get the chance, they’ll give you backhanded compliments, low-blows and jabs, just to make sure you stay in your place. Maybe you passed your exam, but they’ll tell you it was a fluke since you’re not that smart. These are small words, but they pack a punch.

#11 It’s never their fault. They could have slept with your partner, but it wasn’t their fault because you and your partner had a fight and it was dark outside, and they were scared, blah blah blah. Whatever they do, they’ll never, never take responsibility for their actions. Why would they? The moment they do, they lost the game, and are now seen as flawed.

#12 They don’t handle advice well. Why would they need advice? They’re the light in your life. If anything, you’re the one you who should take advice from them. If they used the advice you’ve given them against you, the odds are they’re more narcissistic than you thought. In their eyes, you’re jealous, and all you want is for them to fail. [Read: 10 scenarios when it’s okay to ghost a friend]

#13 They’re attention whores. Many people love attention. It doesn’t make them narcissistic. But if your friend has an exaggerated need for attention, it’s most likely paired with some of the signs above. Everyone must flood them with positive support and words, fueling their narcissism and validation even more. All this does is inflate their ego even more; is that even possible?

[Read: How to make your toxic friend walk away for good]

Now, have you seen many of these signs of a narcissistic friend in your life? What are you going to do with your friend? It’s time to make some tough decisions for your best interest.

The post The Narcissistic Friend: 13 Haunting Signs You’re Stuck with One is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.