Narcissistic Victim Syndrome: How to Find Your Way Out of the Mess

We know a lot about Narcissistic Personality Disorder, but little about the damaging effects of narcissistic victim syndrome. Here’s what you need to know.

Most of us are happy-go-lucky types. We see the best in people as much as we can, we forgive, we forget, we show empathy, and we try and understand how others are feeling. We also happen to suffer most with narcissistic victim syndrome.

That’s most of us. One set of people who certainly aren’t narcissists.

A person with true Narcissistic Personality Disorder, or NPD, is someone who shows a distinct lack of empathy. Now, I should point out that they don’t do this because they feel like it, they do it because they are not capable of showing empathy. They don’t love or feel in the same way as everyone else. They’re basically self-involved, self-absorbed, and extremely selfish individuals.

[Read: What types of narcissism should you be on the lookout for?]

Is it possible for a healthy relationship?

It is not possible to have a healthy and happy relationship with a narcissist. At some point you will have to leave because the treatment is too much to bear. If you stick around and do your best to try and see their good side *whenever they try and show you their fake good side, that is*, you’re probably going to find yourself even more damaged by your efforts.

In this case, you simply need to give up. You’ve done all you can. There is no good side to be seen.

I know how hard this can be. I was in a relationship with a narcissist. I understand from personal experience how difficult it is to accept the truth and walk away. They will show you a fake charm that keeps you right where they want you, just enough to stop you from leaving. When they’re pretty sure you’re not going anywhere, they go back to their old ways, only to keep this charm offensive on a cycle, just in case you start to get any smart ideas about leaving again.

At the end of the day, it’s abuse.

[Read: 16 subtle signs a narcissist is clearly abusing you]

The narcissistic victim syndrome

Anyone who has been in a relationship with a narcissist and come out the other side will show some signs of what they’ve been through. If the experience was thankfully mild, they may simply be able to shrug it off after a while. It will probably impact their future relationships. However, some are not that lucky. Some people develop what is known as narcissistic victim syndrome.

Why do we know so little about narcissistic victim syndrome?

We focus so much on the narcissist that there is a whole personality disorder dedicated to them, but the innocent people emotionally damaged by being around them have little background information on the condition which may be pushed upon them.

More studies are being done into the effects of narcissism on the people who care for a narcissist, but as of yet, there is little background evidence. The good news, medical professionals and psychologists know it’s a real thing and there are treatment options available for anyone who has been emotionally and psychologically damaged after leaving a relationship with a narcissist.

For the most part, this is counseling, to work through the events and pains, gaining closure. However, future relationships are likely to be tricky, especially at first.

[Read: Gas lighting: 16 signs your lover is messing with your mind]

How it can impact your future

Narcissistic victim syndrome encompasses the emotional damage and symptoms displayed by someone affected by a narcissist. This can be a lack of trust, flashbacks, a total lack of confidence, anxiety, debilitating fear, confusion, and a general feeling that they don’t trust their own mind.

You see, one of the main tactics used by narcissists is manipulation, most commonly via gaslighting. This makes the victim question their own sanity. [Read: Narcissist and empath and why they’re a match made in dating hell]

For instance, the narcissist might agree to meet you after work and go out for dinner. They say they’re going to treat you to a dinner at your favorite restaurant after a long week at work. You get excited about it, looking forward to the end of the day. You go to the restaurant and wait outside, just as you had arranged, only they don’t turn up.

Then, you call them and they have no recollection of arranging to meet you there, and use language which makes you question your own sanity. Did you make it up in your own mind? Are you going crazy? Why would you think you’d made plans when you haven’t?

It’s a clever tactic, and the narcissist is likely to laugh at you and pull you down, berate you for being stupid and making something up. The thing is, you didn’t make it up. You’re not going crazy, they did arrange it, and now they’re manipulating you and using cruel tactics to pull your confidence down to the gutter so they can control you and keep you where they want you. [Read: 15 ways a pathological liar hurts and confuses you with their lies]

Can you see how manipulative and negative a narcissist’s ways can be? Can you understand how damaging the effects of narcissistic victim syndrome can turn out to be as a result of all of this?

When this happens over the long term it can cause severe emotional and psychological damage. You will become isolated from your friends and family, and even though they probably try and warn you about what’s going on, you’re so connected and almost addicted to the good *yet fake* side of your narcissist that you can’t understand why they would say such things.

In addition, the narcissist will likely feed you a fake rhetoric about how your friends and family don’t take you seriously, how they think you’re stupid or crazy. This will pull you further away from those you can trust and into their grip.

[Read: How to set boundaries with a narcissist and weaken their hold over you]

When does the end arrive?

So, when does it end? How does it end? Is it even possible to get away?

Yes, and I’m proof of that, alongside millions of others. Despite that, it’s not easy.

There will come a time when something clicks. You might read something in a magazine about narcissism and every point will resonate. Perhaps it will be this article that makes that lightbulb go off. Then, it will almost be like someone has pulled back the curtains and the light floods in. Something will be screaming at you inside about what’s going on, telling you that you’re not crazy. [Read: How to quickly recognize narcissistic traits in a relationship]

However, that’s just the start. As you try to get away, the narcissist is likely to figure it out and turn on the charm again, just to keep you where they want you. Don’t listen. You’re not wrong and you’re not crazy. Be brave and take the step to change your life.

For those who make that step, living with narcissistic victim syndrome after can be hard. Thankfully there is help. Now you are aware, and you have a future to look forward to. It’s simply going to take some time and work to overcome the trauma you’ve been through. The time is worth it if it allows you to heal.

[Read: How to handle a narcissist without losing yourself]

Narcissistic victim syndrome is something we’re learning about as more and more victims of this type of abuse find the strength to walk away and look towards the light of the future.

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