How to Know When to Give Someone Space: Don’t Be THAT Person

Learning how to know when to give someone space can keep you from overwhelming someone that just needs some time.

When someone needs space from you, it doesn’t mean they don’t love you or are annoyed by you. Needing space is all about personality. But how to know when to give someone space can be learned!

Introverts, for instance, thrive off of alone time. Even though they adore their friends and family, too much time with others exhausts and overwhelms them.

And it can be hard for someone who needs space to vocalize that because they don’t want to risk hurting your feelings.

The good news is that you can figure out how to know when to give someone space. This will prevent you from becoming overbearing and allow your partner or whoever you’re concerned with to recharge.

[Read: How to give space and learn to breathe again]

Why someone may need space

Before you learn how to know when to give someone space, I want you to understand why space is so important. And not just that but, also that it isn’t a punishment.

Just because someone may need some time alone doesn’t mean they don’t want to be with you. I mean I want to be with my boyfriend 24/7, but I know I need my alone time.

I thrive off of being alone with my cats. Whether that means I am cleaning my house, watching The Bachelor, or just sitting in my towel and staring at the wall, that is the space I need to recharge and feel energized.

Some people need space to cool off after a fight, to think things out. Others just need that alone time to feel their best.

Learning when to give someone space isn’t about backing off or being less needy, it is about giving your partner what they need.

Understanding the need for space is so important. You will be more eager to offer someone space knowing they will feel better afterward. And you may even enjoy your alone time as well.

[Read: How to give someone space without losing them]

How to know when to give someone space

When your partner is craving some space, there is a good chance they are emitting some telltale signs that you are just overlooking. Because you may not need as much space as them, you likely miss the signs that they need space.

When someone shows these signs, time to give them space.

#1 When they get irritable. Irritability can be caused by stress, work, or hormones. If you notice that after three days together nonstop they always seem to be easily annoyed, it could be that they are craving some alone time.

They may not even realize it so they can’t tell you. But if you pick up on it, you can let them know you have work today so they can relax alone. Or you could let them know you’ve noticed that after so much time together they get short with you. You want to give them the space they need. [Read: 10 obvious hints your partner will give if they want their space]

#2 When you are having fights based on nothing. When your partner starts picking fights over something small, it could be that they’re pushing you away so that they can breathe a little easier.

This isn’t their way of breaking up with you. But when they get too overwhelmed because they are missing their space, it could lead to resentment.

#3 When they are overwhelmed. Whether it is family troubles, a high-pressure job, or anything else, not everyone is comforted by cuddling with their partner. Some people thrive on space on their own. If you comforted your partner or took them out on the town when they are overwhelmed and it backfired, let them be.

Let them know you’re hanging out with your friends for the evening, and they have the house to themselves. Maybe draw them a bath, order them their favorite dinner, and give them the night alone. [Read:  You-complete-me relationships and why you need your space]

#4 When they depend on you for everything. This is a partner that definitely needs their space but doesn’t know it. If your partner relies on you for comfort at all times and always needs you around, it could lead your relationship into an unhealthy place.

Give them a little nudge to take their own space by taking yours. Have a friend’s night once a month or pick up a hobby you do once a week so they have space to build their independence too.

#5 When they are too agreeable. Some people are non-confrontational and won’t start a fight when they need space, instead, they will go with the flow because it is easier. They don’t want to give you a hard time, so they will go along with whatever you say.

If you notice your partner biting their tongue and not speaking their mind, give them space to recharge so they can be their full self again. [Read: 14 signs you’re too clingy and overstepping boundaries]

#6 When they are physically agitated. You know how everyone waiting at the DMV is agitated? They are biting their nails, tapping their feet, or doing something else to release that frustration physically. Your partner may not start fights but must release their need for space somehow.

They might slam doors, be angry at the kids or pets, or lose their temper with service workers or household appliances. These things show that something is wrong. It could be that they need some space from you.

#7 When they ask for space. If your partner asks for space, give it to them. If they say, I need a minute, after an argument, don’t ask them how they are 10 minutes later. Take the night apart. Go see a movie so they can calm down. Don’t check in constantly.

Trust your partner. Space doesn’t mean cheating or even venting to friends. It just means space. [Read: How to love someone without smothering them]

#8 They disappear for hours. I don’t necessarily mean they disappear out of the house for hours without you knowing where they are, but they may be hard to reach sometimes. This can be a way for your partner to create their own space without mentioning it.

They may take hours to text back even though you know they’re just at work because they need that space.

#9 They make plans without you. Whether they make plans with their friends or alone, they might be dying for a little time to themselves, and that is fine. Remember in Knocked Up when Paul Rudd’s character went to the movies alone? It wasn’t that he didn’t love his wife, he just needed that time to himself. [Read: 18 critical signs of an unhealthy relationship]

How to give someone space

Knowing when to give someone space and actually doing it are two different things. You may know your partner needs their alone time. But you crave the attention and affection you get when you’re together.

I get it. It can be hard to be alone for some people. Some of us don’t like being alone with our own thoughts. We thrive off the energy of others.

If that is you, and your partner prefers alone time, you can still make it work. When your partner needs space, go out with your friends or pick up a hobby. Take your group time to have fun while your partner relaxes alone.

Couples are so pressured to spend all their time together, but time apart is healthy. To maintain a relationship, keeping hold of your individual lives like this is vital. If you spend too much time together it can cause codependency and unhealthy levels of attachment.

[Read: 15 signs of codependency to know if one of you is taking the other for granted]

You can easily learn how to know when to give someone space and do it without feeling lonely. Just pay attention to the signs, take a step back now and then, and give space for your love to grow.

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