How to Make Your Girlfriend Feel Better & Not Talk Down to Her

Girls get upset for all sorts of reasons, but you can learn how to make your girlfriend feel better without talking down to her.

Whether your girlfriend is upset with you, her job, or really anything else, you can learn how to make your girlfriend feel better. It may not always be easy, but it will always be worth it. Cheering up your girlfriend is part of your boyfriend duties. If she feels bad for any reason, it is always good to try your best to make her feel better.

The reason this is easier said than done is that boyfriends often don’t understand why their girlfriend is upset in the first place. If she is upset about something and you go straight into making her feel better without knowing what’s truly wrong, you could make it a lot worse.

Learning how to make your girlfriend feel better starts with knowing why she isn’t feeling well in the first place.

[Read: 13 powerful yet small gestures that show love and care in the biggest ways]

Why is your girlfriend feeling bad?

The biggest part of learning how to make your girlfriend feel better is knowing why she is upset in the first place. Then you can help at the source, just listen, or do something specific to her needs. I’ve known plenty of guys that would go straight to flowers or candy when their girlfriend was upset but didn’t know why. They pulled something generic hoping it would fit the situation without the care and attention it deserved.

This can work for small things like not complimenting her new haircut, but if she’s actually upset, these small and empty gestures won’t do much good.

If you notice your girlfriend isn’t quite herself, ask her what’s wrong. Don’t just ask because you think she wants to vent, ask because you care and hate seeing her upset because it hurts you too, not because it is annoying to deal with.

[Read: Here’s your guide for how to make your girlfriend feel special]

When she is talking listen, really listen. Pay attention to what she is saying. What happened? Why did it upset her? Don’t look at the situation from a different point of view. Don’t tell her how you would handle it unless she asks. Just listen and try to understand.

Actually hearing her out and being there without being active about it is the best thing you can do. It will mean more than going out and beating someone up for her any day.

How to make your girlfriend feel better

Once you know why she is upset, you can learn how to make your girlfriend feel better. Maybe you have an idea of what might do it, which is great. But, if not, simply ask her. It seems so obvious, but most guys will do nothing before taking a risk and doing the wrong thing. If you’re unsure of what she needs or wants in this situation, simply ask her. She will tell you.

Until then, here are some tips on how to make your girlfriend feel better.

#1 Let her be upset.  Sometimes you can’t fix things. Sometimes the best way to make your girlfriend feel better is to let her feel bad. Let her just be sad, angry, or upset. You can’t force someone out of their feelings. You may have an urge to cheer her up, but sometimes we just need to feel all the feelings. [Read: 23 foolproof relationship tips for men that’ll transform your love life]

#2 Give her space. It is common for guys to want space when they’re upset, but the same goes for some women. If your girlfriend just wants some space to cool off or let out her tears, give her that. Don’t keep calling or texting to see if she’s better or forgave you.

Let her have her time to be upset. Ask her to reach out when she is ready to and she will. This way you don’t have to worry too much.

#3 Do not gaslight her. Her feelings are valid even if you disagree. So many times when a girl is upset, guys will say that’s silly or crazy. This is gaslighting. It invalidates her feelings in order to calm her down.

What your girlfriend needs to feel better is someone to listen to her and acknowledge her feelings, not make her feel like she is crazy. [Read: Playing games in your relationship? When it’s okay and when it’s NOT]

#4 Plan a night she’ll love. Don’t take her out on the town, but plan time with things that make her happy. Order her favorite takeout. Put on her favorite movie. Give her a night that is all about her.  You know she would do the same for you if the tables were turned.

#5 Cuddle her. Physical touch can do more good than all the talking in the world sometimes. Again, it depends on why she is upset, but if it is something you can’t really talk through just cuddle her. Give her a hug and let her curl up. I once cried to a guy about a family member being sick. No matter how much I talked about it, it wasn’t getting better. He just hugged me as I cried, and I felt so much better. [Read: 15 thoughtful moves to comfort a girl in all the right ways]

#6 Let her vent. Let her get it all out. Ask her what happened or how she’s feeling or why she’s feeling that way. Let her rant. Don’t offer advice or a fix-it. Just let her get it all out. That may be all she needs.

#7 Spoil her. Just do everything for her. She will appreciate it. She will know she’s loved. I’m not saying you should spend tons or do a lot, but just going out and buying her favorite candy or drawing her a bath will cheer her up.

#8 Tell her you understand and agree it sucks. Sometimes we just need to hear that it sucks. We know it does, but having someone agree and say, “that sucks,” can be such a relief. It validates our feelings and reminds us that we have every right to feel this way. [Read: How to show empathy and learn to share someone’s feelings]

#9 Ask her if she wants help.  Most of the time when she’s upset and wants to feel better, she just wants a shoulder, not advice. But, if you feel so inclined, ask her before offering.

#10 Make her laugh. You’ve heard it before, but laughter is the best medicine. But don’t make light of her situation! Making her laugh is always a way to distract her. Watch No Strings Attached with Ashton Kutcher and Natalie Portman. There is a scene where she is struggling with her period, and he makes her a hilarious CD full of songs that are related to periods. This is the sort of thoughtfulness girls want.

[Read: Wondering how to be a good boyfriend? These 10 traits make the biggest difference]

Learning how to make your girlfriend feel better doesn’t have to be a mind game. As long as you care, you will figure it out.

The post How to Make Your Girlfriend Feel Better & Not Talk Down to Her is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.