How to Talk to People in a Charming Way No Matter Who They Are

Some people just have a natural way with words. They know how to talk to people no matter who they are. The good news? You can learn to do just that!

There are some people out there who just have the knack when it comes to how to talk to people. They don’t feel uncomfortable, they exude confidence, and they apparently always know what to say. If you’re one of those people, well done, you!

Throughout my years, I have struggled with understanding how to talk to people without feeling embarrassment wash over me. What if I say the wrong thing or freeze and nothing comes out? What if I blush and can’t get my words out? You would think I was standing up in front of a room full of people and delivering a speech, not holding a simple conversation with one or two people! 

However, the more I’ve thought about this, the more I’ve realized that I’m not the only one. Many of my friends also admit that they struggle with knowing how to talk to people and that they often feel shy or worried when they have to speak to someone they’ve never met. 

If you’re an introvert, like me, you’ll know that answering the phone is not a joy. I much prefer to text! However, the good news is that you can learn how to talk to people without going through all of this drama, and it just takes a little work. 

[Read: How to be classy with 20 classy people traits that command respect]

What makes someone a good communicator?

What makes someone able to talk to people without feeling worried and without misunderstanding? Basically, it comes down to being a good communicator. A good communicator does the following things:

#1 Makes eye contact. Learning how to talk to people is made far easier when you’re able to make eye contact and show the other person that you’re engaged in the conversation. If your eyes are darting all over the place, you’re going to be uncomfortable and they’re going to notice it. 

#2 Listens – like, really listen. You might think that listening is just about hearing the words, but it’s actually about far more than that. When learning how to talk to people, you also need to listen. It’s an extremely underrated communication skill! [Read: How to listen and learn to speak clearly and be great at conversations]

#3 Doesn’t interrupt and allows the other person to speak. Interrupting is a huge no, no. The other person will become frustrated and the conversation won’t flow. Make sure that you give the other person enough time to say what they need to say, and don’t ‘butt in’ with what you think they want to say. 

#4 Picks up on body language and other non-verbal cues. Part of listening is also about watching for body language and reading it accurately. Learning how to talk to people means understanding how they’re feeling in reality; sometimes people tell you one thing, but mean another. Reading body language will let you unearth the truth. 

#5 Knows when to stop speaking. When you’re feeling nervous, it’s easy to overtalk. You’ll just keep going over the same thing and talking too much, causing the other person to become bored and start thinking about how they can end the conversation and make a run for it. Know when to stop! [Read: Are you an attention seeker and just can’t see it?]

#6 Disarms the other person with friendliness. A good communicator knows that a friendly attitude always wins out. Smile, make eye contact, nod along when the other person is speaking, and generally be empathetic and open-minded. This will help them to open up to you and allow you to communicate better. 

#7 Explains their point clearly and concisely. Get to the point. If you go on and on about something but never actually make the point you’re trying to make, you’re going to frustrate the other person and all of this could lead to misunderstanding. Whatever you need to say, say it, then let the conversation flow from there. [Read: How to talk to anyone and master the art of a real conversationalist]

#8 Asks questions. Learning how to talk to people is a two way thing, and it means helping the other person to communicate effectively too. Asking questions is a great way to do that. Avoid questions that are closed, e.g., they require ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answers, and instead opt for questions that require a bit more detail upon answering. 

#9 They’re completely themselves. A person who really knows how to talk to people appears so effortless because they’re comfortable within themselves. When you’re not being yourself, communication is ten times harder.

[Read: Sense of self – How to raise it and feel like a million bucks!] 

How to be likeable when you talk to people

Of course, it’s not only about knowing how to talk to people, because you want to be likeable too! Everyone does, it’s part of human nature. The good news is that being likeable when speaking to others is actually very easy to do and comes down to some basics. 

I’ve covered a lot of them in the last section, but all you really need to do is to avoid interrupting, let people speak, allow them to feel that you’re listening to them *nod along, make agreeable noises* and make sure that you make eye contact.

[Read: How to make people like you: 35 tips to charm absolutely anyone]

Now, when I say, ‘make eye contact’, I do not mean stare them out. That is not going to make anyone comfortable! Instead, make eye contact with them for a few seconds, look away for a couple of seconds, make it again, and continue that way. Simply avoid looking everywhere but at the other person because that can make you appear uninterested or as though they cannot trust you.

Finally, make sure you smile! A smile is extremely disarming and makes the other person feel at ease in your company. Again, don’t smile like a goon, just make sure that you smile at them and avoid frowning!

Tips to remember when talking to people 

Learning how to talk to people takes practice. You’re going to have a few false starts to begin with, but that’s okay! At least you’re trying, and that means you’re also making progress. To help you carry on in your journey, let’s look at a few tips you should try when you’re learning how to talk to people. 

#1 Use compliments. A great way to get a conversation going, or to keep one going, is to use compliments. “I really like your sweater”, or “that bag is really nice”, things like that. When you say something nice to someone, they automatically relax in your presence and that makes conversation easier on both sides. Of course, don’t throw compliment after compliment their way; just one is enough! Also learn how to respond to compliments and accept it without feeling awkward!

#2 Use open-ended questions. Avoid asking questions that only have “yes” or “no” as the answer. Questions are a great method for keeping a conversation going and takes the heat off you because you ask the question and await the answer.

This can often lead to a deeper conversation too. Something like “did you see the news this morning? What did you think about the headlines?”, “or have you seen this movie that came out this week yet? I want to know if it’s any good before I go”. [Read: 15 harmless questions to ask to get to know someone really well]

#3 Let them know you’re listening. Active listening means letting the other person know that you’re listening and taking in more than just their words.

Nod along to their words, make agreeable noises, such as “uh-huh”, “hmm”, “ah”, and watch their body language. This will tell you everything you need to know and let them know that you’re truly interested in what they have to say. Learning how to talk to people is as much about listening as actually talking. [Read: How to be charming and be liked by everyone you talk to]

#4 Keep your body language relaxed. Being able to read body language is one thing, but you should make sure that your own body language is relaxed too. Avoid crossing your arms over your body or your legs if you’re sitting. Make eye contact, avoid fidgeting, and keep your posture relaxed, without slouching or being too rigid. 

#5 Understand non-verbal and verbal cues. If a person is speaking fast, do you know what it means? If they’re mumbling, what does that tell you? What about lack of eye contact or facial expressions?

Take the time to understand verbal and non-verbal cues in order to better understand how the other person is feeling. Learning how to talk to people involves a lot of empathy, and that means appreciating how the other person is feeling. [Read: How to make an amazing first impression and impress everyone you meet]

#6 Don’t rush to fill a silence. Conversations rarely bat back and forth without a break. If you have a notable silence in a conversation, don’t panic and rush to fill it. This makes you appear unrelaxed and doesn’t help the conversation to begin flowing again.

Sometimes, a few seconds or a minute of silence is a good thing! Also, remember that the other person has a responsibility for the conversation flowing, as much as you do!

#7 If a silence becomes awkward, acknowledge it as so! However, if a silence goes on for longer than a minute or so and becomes awkward, the single best way to overcome it is to say something like, “so, this is a little awkward,” and laugh about it!

The other person is probably feeling exactly the same way and will instantly relax when you call it out. Awkward silences often happen when there is a lot of tension and this method will cut through that in an instant. [Read: How to be funny and make people love your company]

#8 Look for common ground. Learning how to talk to people also means knowing the go-to topics you can use to create a conversation starter. The weather is a good one, but looking for common ground that you both share will allow you to get a flow going. How can you find common ground? By asking questions!

#9 Don’t expect to get along with everyone. You can learn how to talk to people all you like, but understand that you’re not going to get along with everyone! Don’t feel pressured or as though you’ve somehow failed if a conversation doesn’t quite go as planned. Just see it as practice and move on to the next one. [Read: How to stop having negative thoughts that drag you down]

#10 Don’t finish sentences for other people. One of the most annoying things you can do when you’re speaking to another person is to either interrupt or finish sentences for them. You might think you’re helping them out, but you’re actually appearing overpowering or bossy. Let them speak!

#11 Just be yourself! Finally, the single best way to learn how to talk to people with ease is to be comfortable with who you are and accept yourself. I can’t stress how much easier conversations are when you’re not trying to impress other people or gain validation. 

Learning how to talk to people might seem like a terrifying prospect at first, but with these handy tips and plenty of practice, you’ll become an expert communicator in no time!

Here are a few other articles that would be great as a follow-up read to become an even better version of yourself! Check these out:

How to keep a conversation going with the opposite sex and make everyone interested in you

How to turn someone on while talking to them and make sparks fly

How to have sex appeal and catch everyone’s eye when you talk to them

The post How to Talk to People in a Charming Way No Matter Who They Are is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.