Ghosting A Friend: The Only Reasons When It’s Okay to Ghost Them

Friendships have their ups and downs. But is ghosting a friend really the right way to end a friendship? Face the problem and talk about it instead. 

Friendships can be just as complicated as relationships. There are arguments, misunderstandings, and upsets from time to time. However, friendships are precious and it’s important to hold on to the good ones. If you do want to end a friendship for whatever reason, is there ever a good excuse for ghosting a friend and walking away without a word?

Although commonly used in dating, ghosting someone doesn’t have to mean breaking up and disappearing only in a sexual relationship.

Ghosting a friend means you literally break up with them in the harshest way possible. It isn’t a term you use when you just stop talking to a casual acquaintance.

Ghosting a friend means you go from full to zero with someone significant in your life. [Read: Bad friend – 25 types of friends you must unfriend from your life]

Wait, ghosting a friend sounds kind of brutal, right?

Yes, because it is. Ghosting involves cutting all ties with someone without any warning, explanation, or word at all. It means completely letting go of communication with one of your very best friends.

There aren’t many reasons why you would ghost a friend. It would have to be something pretty drastic to make you consider it and even then, surely it’s better to sit down and work things out? Even if you decide to part ways and end the friendship, at least do it in an adult and respectful way.

Ghosting is a devastating thing for the person on the receiving end. When you are close to someone, your absence may cause great distress in their lives, especially if you disappear without any explanation.

So, before you decide to do it to someone you love, think long and hard first. There is no turning back. [Read: What is Ghosting and how does it really affect you?]

The only reasons ghosting a friend MAY be warranted

We exaggerated the word ‘may’ there because there are really only a handful of reasons why it is appropriate, or fair, to ghost a friend.

Again, a very hurtful thing to do to someone’s psyche, just make sure you do it for a good reason. If you have a choice, it’s always better to talk to them or let them know you need to walk away.

NEVER ghost someone only because you’re too embarrassed or cowardly to actually let them know you feel hurt for sone reason. Grow up and talk it out, or slowly wean yourself away from a friendship if it’s hurting you.

Ghosting is an option, but it should never be used as an excuse to avoid a conversation.

Know, once done, there is likely no turning back or repairing the relationship. [Read: Got ghosted by someone? 10 clear signs and ways to deal with it]

Let’s look at a handful of reasons why it might be warranted to go full-on Casper the “Friendly” Ghost with a friend.

1. They cheated with your partner

A no-brainer. If someone cheats with your significant other, then there is no choice but to ghost them. It matters not why they did it, or if they were just “soulmates” and couldn’t help themselves. It isn’t just your boy/girlfriend’s fault that they got together. They’re both to blame.

Your friend broke the code and had an affair with someone you love, knowing how devastating it would be.

Instead of giving them the chance to apologize or explain, make it clear there is no forgiveness or explanation. Your friendship is no longer existent. [Read: 10 questions to ask before dumping a cheating partner]

2. They told your greatest secret

The type of secret they could tell that would be grounds for ghosting isn’t that you eat ice cream on Fridays when no one watches. The type of secret worthy of ghosting is if they tell people something so confidential that they promised to take it to the grave.

There is almost always room for forgiveness in a relationship if someone is sorry, but not if they told something about you that forever alters the way that you, and everyone else, sees you. If they betrayed you, it’s ghost time. [Read: Keeping secrets in a relationship – The must-know rules and exceptions]

3. Thy bashed you to other people

People are pretty predictable creatures. We all talk. If we want to be honest with ourselves, there isn’t a person alive who hasn’t said something nasty about a good friend in the heat of the moment or when in an argument with them, to another person.

But, if you find they continually say negative things about you and have nothing good to say, whether jealousy is a factor or not, it is time to let them go entirely. Make them a ghost from your past. [Read: One-sided friendship – 15 clear signs it’s time to cut them loose]

4. They have a relationship with your partner that is toxic

When you are good friends with someone, that doesn’t give them a license to get all chummy with your partner. Sure, we can all be friends. But, if you notice something more developing or even some flirting going on either way, then it might be time to cut ties and ghost.

That old saying about friends being tighter than sexual love is wrong. If they don’t respect your relationship with the person you love and keep boundaries, and it starts to affect your romantic relationship, cut them off.

Of course, perhaps talk about it with them first because maybe they aren’t aware of what they’re doing. But, if that doesn’t change anything, it’s time to pull a Ghostbusters on them.

5. Their friendship is toxic to you

Sometimes we become really close to people who are just not good for us. Some relationships become very co-dependent or abusive. If you are friends with a narcissist who continually breaks your heart, breaks plans when something better comes along, or robs you of your self-esteem, then it is time to say goodbye. [Read: How to tell if a friend is toxic & brings unhappiness to your life]

Narcissistic people don’t get it no matter how many times you explain it to them. Some friends are hurtful and continue to hurt you no matter what you say. That is when it is time to let go of the toxic relationship by cutting off it cold.

You can’t be close with a narcissistic personality, nor can you find a happy medium. In the end, if you let them back in, they will take advantage, take your heart, and leave you empty and bottomed out. [Read: Toxic people – 25 early warning signs to watch out for]

6. Every time you let them in, they hurt you

Let’s say you’re a people pleaser. Let’s also say that your friend messed up over and over. In that scenario, you might find it hard to break up with them but it might be time to just cut contact. Some of us are stronger than others. Some people never give up on a friend no matter how much they kick them.

But, the only way to save yourself is to cut the people who continually hurt you out of your life.

Sometimes even seeing their contact number pop up sends anxiety. It isn’t worth it.

You have other friends. And, if not, then you can make some. If all they do is hurt, it is time to ghost them. [Read: How to recognize a fake best friend before you get betrayed or hurt]

7. They have stolen something valuable from you

When a good friend has stolen something from you, then it is time to ghost them. Valuables don’t always come in the form of something physical. In general, if they steal anything from you that you can’t get back, like your trust, your love, or monetary items that meant something, then it is grounds for ghosting.

Hanging onto a bad friend isn’t going to bring whatever you lost back. It will only be a constant reminder of what is gone. Let them go and let yourself heal.

8. You can’t trust them

Whether it is talking behind your back, flirting with your boyfriend, or saying they’ll meet you at a bar and not showing up, if you can’t trust a trusted friend, then it is time to ghost friend them.

Trust is the cornerstone of any relationship, romantic or otherwise. Don’t stay friends with someone you wouldn’t turn your back on. It isn’t worth your time, your energy, or your anxiety. It is time to break it off and cut the cord. [Read: Be careful who you trust – 15 ways to recognize the backstabbers]

9. Their codependency causes you problems

There are times when close friends are way too needy. If their clinginess or possessiveness is causing a problem in your life, then you ghost them.

One of the hardest things to do is to hurt someone you are close to. But, if they hold on so tight they lose themselves and take you down with them, then it is time to move along for both of your sakes.

You can sink together, or cut them loose and regain your life. It really is that simple. [Read: 8 detailed ways to calmly deal with a jealous friend]

10. You just can’t forgive them

If they did something so egregious, no matter what it was, that you know in your heart you can never forgive them, holding onto the friendship isn’t doing either of you any favors.

Not only does it make it uncomfortable for you to be around one another, you probably experience a lot of anxiety over it. If you can’t forgive someone for what they did, then it is time to ghost them and move forward. [Read: What is a true friend? The 12 key characteristics of real friends]

Don’t tell someone you forgive them and then just keep them around to punish them. The kindest thing to do is just to let the friendship go and not make them grovel to get you back. Cut them off completely for you both.

Understand the consequences of ghosting a friend

For sure, there are some situations when ghosting a friend is the only open, but you need to be 100% sure. If you ghost someone and then regret it later, it’s likely that you can’t do anything to change it. There are few people who would be willing to forgive and forget a ghosting.

Perhaps the better option would be to sit down with this person and explain your problem with them. You don’t have to change your mind about ending the friendship but at least you know that you’ve gone about it the right way. Then, they can’t point the finger of blame at you for anything. [Read: How to break up with a friend – 5 respectful steps you must follow]

Friendships are precious but sometimes so-called friends turn into enemies. It could be the case that you think everyone in the metaphorical boat is rowing in the same direction, but if you look around, you’ll see someone drilling a hole in the bottom without your knowledge.

Basically, not everyone can be trusted. In the end, if you have to end a friendship, simply do it in a way that means you can hold your head up high afterwards.

[Read: Like ghosting? Prepare yourself for these 10 consequences]

Think through ghosting a friend before you put your plan into action. Once done, the fallout may be harsher than you saw coming and you don’t want to end up being sorry or regretting it.

Read: How to apologize for ghosting a friend and undo the damage you caused

Read: How to ghost someone when you’ve never ghosted anyone before

Read: Why being ghosted hursts so much and what you can do about it

The post Ghosting A Friend: The Only Reasons When It’s Okay to Ghost Them is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

How to Talk Dirty To a Guy & Arouse Him with the Sexiest Words

Dirty talk is sure to get your guy’s pulse throbbing, amongst other things! Learn how to talk dirty to a guy and have him salivating in no time. 

Most girls want to talk dirty with their boyfriends, but many of them just don’t know what to say. It’s not the most natural thing in the world, is it? However, you can learn how to talk dirty to a guy and have him in the palm of your hand much easier than you might think. It all comes down to confidence, practice, and a few tips.

The good news is that you don’t need to resort to porn star tactics to be effective. Talking dirty can be anything from telling your man how good it feels to full-on fantasy conversations.

There’s a level of comfort for everyone but you need to find a way that suits you best.

[Read: A step-by-step guide – How to dirty talk and turn your lover on like no one else can]

What is dirty talk?

Let’s bust a few myths here.

Like we’ve just said, dirty talk doesn’t have to be explicit lines peppered with words for genitals that make you blush. If you attempt to talk dirty in that way and you’re not comfortable, your man is going to cringe as well. He wants you to be comfortable too. In fact, he wants you to enjoy talking dirty just as much as he enjoys hearing it. [Read: Dirty talking in bed with your partner]

If you try and say a word that makes you feel awkward, it’s going to show on your face. So, find words that you’re good with. And, if you can’t think of any, find other words that don’t make you want to hide your face.

At the end of the day, however, dirty talk should be something you feel comfortable doing with your man because it makes you both feel good.

If it’s just not something you enjoy or look forward to, it might not be for you. But, don’t knock it until you’ve tried it!

So, what is dirty talk? It’s voicing your pleasure, your wants, desires, and telling your man how good he’s making you feel. When you break it down like that, it doesn’t seem so scary, does it?

[Read: 20 sexy examples to talk dirty to a guy over text and give him a hard-on in seconds!]

How to talk dirty to a guy

Talking dirty should come effortlessly, and it definitely will, when you understand what talking dirty is all about.

Learning to talk dirty can definitely make sex feel a lot better and a lot more sexually exciting too, even if you’ve been in a relationship with your man for a long time. [Read: How to talk dirty to a guy and sound really sexy]

The easiest way to start talking dirty when you’re having sex with your man is to just talk. If your thoughts are sexy, the words will always be dirty.

What you hear on a porn video isn’t dirty talk, it’s almost always just dirty. If your man likes that kind of talk, and you like it too, watch a few nudie videos and learn from it.

But if you really want to understand how to talk dirty with a guy and sound really sexy at the same time, just use these tips. [Read: The best tips on turning a guy on when he’s with you]

1. Speak your mind when you’re horny

While having sex, almost all the time, you’ll find that there are a lot of naughty things that pass through your head.

If you can think it, say it to your man. If you’re aroused, it’s definitely going to sound dirty.

3. What if was a casual one night stand?

Learning to talk dirty to a guy is all about indulging in an active imagination. What are the fantasies that arouse you?

Just imagine he was a sexy friend who you ended up having sex with when you were drunk. Or imagine he’s a hot guy you’re having a one night stand with. How would you feel? Wouldn’t sex feel awesome and your orgasms feel better if you were having sex with a stranger all of a sudden?

Imagine that and talk to him about it. [Read: Top 10 female sexual fantasies that are worth trying in real life]

3. Talk like you’re having an affair

How would it feel if both of you were having an amorous affair? The sexiest way to talk dirty to a guy is by fantasizing about passionate moments that are risqué.

Say something like “if I was having an affair with a guy like you, I’d get wet just watching you…” and add a few more sexy personal lines to your sexy stories.

4. Describe your dirty thoughts

Want to arouse a guy even before you get to the act in bed? Whisper what you’d do to him as soon as you get some time alone with him into his ears when he’s driving and on the way home.

As long as you go into all the intimate details, it’ll always be perfect dirty talk. [Read: 60 dirty and seductive things to say to turn a guy on]

5. Moan and let him know you like it

At times, you don’t need words to talk dirty to a guy. When you’re making love to your man, show your appreciation with wet gasps and moans.

As long as you gasp and go ‘aaah’ each time he thrusts you deep, it’ll give him the same horny boost as sexy talk. [Read: How to moan and look and sound way more sexy in bed]

6. It’s not always what you say

Say anything sexy, but whisper it in his ears softly and breathlessly. It’s not always what you say to him to turn him on, but how you say it that makes all the difference.

Don’t giggle or try to look sweet. Look sexy, feel confident with your own body and moves, and just drop a few sexy words while biting his ear. [Read: How to become a sexy seductress overnight]

7. Party favors

Talking dirty about a wild party is always a huge turn on. Parties are sexy and sweaty. While having sex, dirty talk to him about the sexy things you’d do to him if both of you were at a crowded club and everyone else was too busy to notice the dirty things you’re doing to him.

8. Don’t trash talk

Don’t trash talk unless you like it and so does your boyfriend or husband. For most guys, moaning unnecessarily or making extremely aroused facial expressions for no reason can be a sexual turn off.

It may work in the nudie movies. It doesn’t always work in real life unless your boyfriend looks at you like a sexy piece of meat.

When feelings are involved in bed, use your imagination and get him thinking. It’ll arouse your man more and create better dirty talking opportunities. [Read: 40 naughty, playful texts to keep things hot and horny]

9. Only use crude words if you’re both comfortable with them

Calling each other a bitch and a dog could excite a few *animal lovers*, not everyone else. If you like it, use it a couple of times and see if your man reciprocates by calling you something indecent in return.

If he doesn’t say anything or looks surprised, don’t worry about it and just switch to some other kind of dirty talk. [Read: 30 really dirty would-you-rather questions to turn your guy on]

10. Recall a sexy memory and talk about it

Can you recollect any sexy incidents that always turn both of you on? Perhaps, the time when you almost got caught, or the last time you gave him a road head?

Imagining and recreating a sexy memory like the first time you had sex with him or let him fondle your breasts, through dirty talk can be extremely arousing and connecting for both of you. [Read: Road head confessions of a good girl]

11. Just tell him how good things feel

The single best way to start with dirty talk is to just tell your guy that what he’s doing feels good. Then, you can try and direct him a little. Perhaps tell him to go deeper, harder, faster. You get the idea. He’ll love that you’re telling him what you want and like, plus it’s exactly the same as dirty talk!

12. Don’t just say “it feels nice”

Okay, dirty talk can be anything you want it to be, but it shouldn’t be boring. If you just say “oh it’s nice” it’s not really going to make your partner feel like you’re trying. Be a little more descriptive and just say exactly how it feels. Sure, it feels nice, but what else? Go for it! [Read: 10 sexy sweet-nothings to whisper to your man in bed]

13. Make sure you speak with confidence

You might not feel confident at first, and that’s fine. However, you need to try and believe in yourself as much as you can, and then the real confidence will come.

Look your partner in the eye and tell him how good it feels. Tell him what you want him to do to you and what you want to do to him. It’s the confidence that will turn him on.

14. Eye contact makes all the difference

We’ve just talked about speaking with confidence but remember eye contact. This is so vital. If you look your partner right in the eye when you’re talking and don’t shy away, he’s going to go crazy.

When learning how to talk dirty to a guy that’s one of the most important tips you need to remember. [Read: 16 sexy ways to go from eyes-closed sex to eyes wide open in bed]

15. Use your body language too

Bite your lip, lick your lips, play with your hair, run your hands over your body. Better still, run your hands over his body!

When you show with your body language that you’re turned on, then your words will mean so much more. Basically, he’ll know that you mean exactly what you’re saying.

Lines that make for good dirty talk

If you’re looking for a few examples on sexy and dirty things to say to your boyfriend or husband, just use your imagination and mix these few lines in!

1. You make me so wet

2. Your shoulders look so sexy [Read: 25 sexiest dirty talk lines to make anyone horny with your words]

3. Gosh, it feels so big!

4. I love the way you feel inside me

5. Ohh… don’t stop that!

6. This feels so good!

Can you see how easy it can be? [Read: How to be good at sex – 17 moves to become the hottest lay]

Lines that don’t always sound good while talking dirty

1. More, more, more! *trust us, he’s trying his best already!*

2. Is that all you got, big boy? *are you trying to emasculate him?*

3. Screaming *really, how many people actually enjoy screaming?*

4. F##k me… *seriously, what IS he doing to you?*

5. Do it harder… *You’ll make him feel like he’s inadequate unless you compliment him for it after a few seconds of harder thrusts* We mentioned earlier that you can look him in the eye and tell him you want it harder but it really depends how you say it!

6. Say something dirty to me / Call me a bitch *don’t ask him, just say it* [Read: How to make out with a guy like a sex goddess]

If you want to talk dirty to a guy, sound sexy, and arouse him all at once, always remember to compliment your man with your words or recreate a few sexy fantasies for him while talking dirty.

[Read: The beginners guide to having phone sex like a sexy sassy minx!]

Just use these tips on how to talk dirty to a guy and really, you just won’t go wrong. In fact, you’ll bring back the horny school kid in him each time you have sex and talk dirty to him!

The post How to Talk Dirty To a Guy & Arouse Him with the Sexiest Words is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

If You’re Regularly Asking Yourself, Am I a Bad Person: Read This

Do you often ask yourself, ‘am I a bad person’? Learn whether it’s really the case or if you simply need to work on a little self-improvement. 

When you’re constantly surrounded by negative events, it’s easy to start wondering, am I a bad person? If things seem to be falling apart for you at the moment, or you’re not spending as much time with those you care about as you normally would, repeat after us—you are NOT a bad person!

The world is strange and uncertain a lot of the time. It’s no wonder that many of us are feeling a little low or even anxious about what’s going to happen in life. That can cause you to feel indifferent about yourself and it can also end up being a self-fulfilling prophecy – If you expect bad things to happen, then happen they will!

[Read: 15 signs of a toxic person to recognize the bad ones in your life]

Why you might ask yourself, ‘am I a bad person’?

Look at the world we’re living in – it’s such an unfair, upside-down, backward place sometimes. Why can’t we all just be friends and get along? It makes you wonder, that’s for sure. Within all of this, mental health starts to suffer. [Read: What to do when you’re emotionally exhausted and just can’t deal]

When things go wrong, one thing after the other, it’s easy to assume it’s some kind of cosmic karma. But let us tell you something—we know countless wonderfully positive and kind people, and for some reason, nothing goes right for them either. They would never fall into the ‘bad person’ category, so it’s very likely to be the same situation for you.

Life can be like that sometimes.

Are a series of bad events connected?

Let me tell you a story. A year or so ago, a series of events left me wondering whether all the negative things in my life were connected. I questioned whether I was actually some kind of undercover narcissist, or whether I was actually being punished for something I’d done in a former life. [Read: How to stop feeling blue and break free from the comfort of misery]

I had a string of friendships that ended rather abruptly. My relationship went a little strange for a while. I had no energy and couldn’t focus on anything for long. I wondered whether all of this was somehow my fault. Was I a terrible person and a terrible friend? Was I really to blame for everything negative that went on around me?

It might sound drastic when you’re not in the situation, but when a series of negative events occur in your life, within a short time scale, it’s very easy to wonder why.

At the time, the only so-called ‘reasonable’ explanation is that it’s down to you. You then question, am I a bad person, and you come to the conclusion that you must be, somehow. [Read: Am I a bad friend? The bad friendship skills that push people away]

Of course, the chances of this actually being true are extremely remote. I now know that I was simply going through a rough patch. I can’t be blamed for the fact that a few friendships ended for no specific reason. Of course, I might have been to blame in some small way, but it was probably mutual and maybe those friendships had simply run their course.

Deep down, I know now that I’m a good person with a kind heart, and sometimes, a run of bad things just happen in life. What makes the difference is how you cope with it and how you bounce back. [Read: How to stop feeling sorry for yourself, end the pity party and break out]

What you should be asking yourself

If you often sit and ponder, am I a bad person, ask yourself these questions:

– Do you deliberately set out to hurt people?

– Do you think about only yourself and don’t care about anyone else?

– Before you do whatever it is you’re thinking of doing, do you think about the consequences of your actions? [Read: 10 Common mistakes that women make in relationships]

– When you know you might hurt someone, do you press on and do it anyway?

– Do you refuse to take accountability for anything you do?

Now, dear reader, we don’t know you personally, but the fact you’re sitting there and wondering if you’re a bad person tells us that the above points don’t apply to you. The reason? Because a truly bad person wouldn’t even care whether they were bad or not! They wouldn’t spend any time wondering about it. The fact that you are, means you’re actually good and kind at heart.

There are a million reasons why you might ask yourself this question, but the likelihood is that you’re simply affected by a circle of negativity around you. [Read: How to stop negative people from sapping your energy]

Take ownership of your mistakes and move on

However, that doesn’t mean that there isn’t something lingering in your past that is causing you a little upset right now. If this is the case, be brave and identify what it might be.

Own up to it yourself and question what you can do to make things better, if anything at all.

It could be that the ship has sailed and life has moved on, but you still feel a niggling amount of guilt at something you said or did in the past. If you want to apologize to someone for something that happened in the past, you can do so if you want to. However, it’s also just as wise to leave the past where it’s meant to be… behind you. [Read: How to let go of the past and be excited by the future]

Forgive yourself, vow to do better next time, don’t dwell on something you can’t change, and simply do your best to move on.

Nobody is perfect. Not even Beyonce.

We know, shocking right? [Read: How to become a better person by following these 9 golden rules]

Owning your mistakes

Mistakes make you stronger in the future. They teach you lessons to help you do better. I have a friend who used to be a terrible partner in the past. He’ll own up to it now if you ask him, and he’ll show remorse too. He used to gaslight, cheat, refuse to call back, he was a terrible partner. It’s no surprise that his relationships never lasted long.

Now, he sat down one day and asked himself, am I a bad person? He realized that yes, he had made mistakes, and yes, he needed to do better. But does all of this make him rotten at his core? No. The reason why? Because he realized his mistakes and vowed to change. [Read: Move on, learn how to forgive yourself for cheating and not telling]

Nowadays, he’s in a committed relationship with a lovely girl who he treats like the queen she deserves to be. Is he perfect now? Of course not, but nobody is. The point is, if you’ve done something bad in the past, as long as you acknowledge it, forgive yourself, apologize where necessary, and learn from it, how can you be bad?

If a series of negative events seem to be popping up around you, take heart in the fact that you’re not alone. None of this is your fault. The world is just pretty negative right now in general. However, that doesn’t mean YOU have to be negative. Focus on cultivating a positive mindset and see how different it makes you feel. [Read: How to deal with guilt & drop the baggage weighing you down]

Want to increase your karma points? How to be a better person

It never hurts to try and boost your karma points. Nobody is perfect in this world of ours and you might want to do a little self-improvement work on yourself. Good for you! In that case, you might be wondering how you can become a better person.

Remember, there’s nothing wrong with you as you are! We’ve already established that you’re probably not a bad person at all and maybe a few bad things have just happened at the same time. However, there are always things we can do to improve – we can all do better, after all! [Read: How to be a better person – 13 Ways to grow into a kind human]

1. Use your empathy skills

You have no idea what other people are going through. By walking a mile in their stones, metaphorically speaking, you can understand them much better. As a result, you can help them.

Use your empathy by trying to place yourself in the same situation as someone else. How would you react? Does that explain their behavior and words? With that information, what can you do to help them?

2. Learn how to listen and lend an ear

We all think we know how to listen, but how many actually do? Few! Active listening is about not only listening to the words and letting them float in and out of your brain, but looking out for other cues too.

Body language, speed of speech, facial expressions, hand gestures, tone of voice, whether they’re making eye contact or not. These are all things you need to pay attention to when learning how to listen. When you can really listen to someone, you can help them feel better. [Read: 10 ways to be a better listener in your relationship]

3. Do good deeds every day

Every day, make sure that you do one good deed. It doesn’t have to be anything earth-shattering; it can be as simple as holding the elevator doors as someone is rushing towards it.

Small and random acts of kindness might not seem like much to you, but you don’t know the impact they have on other people.

4. If you say you’re going to do something, do it

How many times in the past have you committed to something and then tried to wriggle out of it?

Maybe you’ve said you’ll do something for someone and then not done it. You’re asking am I a bad person and while these things don’t make you bad, they don’t make you good either!

If you say you’re going to do something, simply make sure that you do it. And first, don’t agree to anything you don’t have any intention of doing! [Read: 19 life quotes to motivate you to live a better life]

5. Think before you speak

It’s very easy to let your emotions get the better of you. Perhaps you say something in the heat of the moment and then regret it afterward.

If you want to learn how to be a good person, you can start by making sure that you take a second to think before you speak. That way, you’re not accidentally hurting someone with your words or tone, when you really don’t mean to.

6. Actively look for causes you can help

Again, you don’t have to move to another country and volunteer but you can research charities and causes that interest you and need your help. Then, work out how you can make a contribution, even if it’s small.

It’s not the size of the contribution that matters, it’s the fact that you helped in some way. [Read: How to be kind to yourself & others, and love life instead of hating it]

7. Never be afraid to apologize or admit your mistakes

A little earlier we talked about owning your mistakes, but a way to become a better person is to remember that sometimes an apology is needed.

Many people are scared to apologize or their pride won’t let them. If you do something wrong or hurt someone, whether you meant to or not, put your pride aside and apologize sincerely. Admit your mistakes and own them. We’re all human, after all!

If you’re willing to improve, you cannot be bad

The fact that you’re reading about how to be better after asking, am I a bad person, means that you want to change. Whether you need to or not, that’s never a bad thing. It also shows that you’re not bad after all – if you want to change, that means you recognize a need to do so and you admit that there may be a problem. [Read: How to improve yourself – 16 powerful secrets of self-improvement]

Remember, we’re all human and make mistakes sometimes. That doesn’t make you inherently bad. Simply own your past mistakes and be willing to work on yourself to improve over time. When you do that, the future can only be positive.

[Read: Why am I so unhappy? How these 8 changes will change you for good]

Regularly asking yourself, am I a bad person, is actually more common than you’d think! When surrounded by negative events, it’s easy to wonder whether you’re the one causing them. 

The post If You’re Regularly Asking Yourself, Am I a Bad Person: Read This is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

Is Drunk Sex Rape? How to Know If It Was Consensual or Not

We all know that consent is an important conversation to have. But, what if you’re wondering is drunk sex rape? What if you can’t remember saying ‘yes’?

I remember having one experience where I was so drunk, I woke up in some guy’s bed. Did I know who he was? Nope. Do I remember having sex? Very vaguely. So now that we all know this happened, would you constitute that as rape? This is a hard question to answer and something that can’t be answered objectively. So, is drunk sex rape? Does it fall into a grey category?

This might be a difficult conversation to have. After all, we know that consent is so important. When you’re drunk, you’re not really thinking in a way that can be considered sensible or, in some cases, safe. It depends on how much you’ve had to drink, and how in control you are of your thoughts and actions.

If you, or a friend, has had drunk sex and isn’t sure whether or not it was rape, this feature might be useful to you. [Read: What to do if you’re raped on a date]

What you need to know about drunk sex

Firstly, you need to know we’re not talking about being tipsy and having sex. We’re talking about being wasted as in you can’t walk a straight line nor can you talk without slurring your speech. We all know alcohol lowers our ability to make the right decisions, but if you’re borderline passed out from being drunk, can you really make a decision?

Not all drunk sex is rape. However, if you woke up this morning with a horrible feeling in your stomach and don’t remember saying yes or saying anything, then you most likely had sex without consent. When you break that down, it’s rape.

We’ve all been drunk, but there’s a line that you can’t cross. [Read: Date rape – Facts and signs of date rape]

Of course, you might question how drunk the other person was. Were they more aware of their actions than you? Did they know you were so drunk you couldn’t make a sensible decision for yourself but did it anyway? Those are pretty firm cases for rape. Whether they were drunk too or not, if you didn’t consent, it’s rape.

Important points to remember about a sensitive subject

Every case is different. Everyone will feel differently about it. But, it’s what you think and feel that’s important. [Read: True sex talk – Alcohol’s effects on sex and your libido]

1. If you can’t remember what happened, it doesn’t matter

Just because you don’t remember everything that happened, doesn’t mean it wasn’t rape. There are women who are drugged and raped. They don’t remember anything after drinking their spiked beverage. If you don’t remember what happened but you know you had sex, well, that doesn’t sound very consensual.

2. How do you feel?

When you had amazing, consensual sex, you know it. Your body feels good, you mentally feel good—you’re just overall in a positive state. [Read: How to express your feelings & get your point across the right way]

However, if you feel you’ve had non-consensual sex, you’d know. Your body may have indications of rape—bruises, vaginal pain, anal bruising, or bleeding. These are all signs of forced penetration. You know how you typically have sex, so if these signs appear, they’re not from normal sexual intercourse.

You might not have any physical signs, but if something in your gut doesn’t feel right, you have to listen to it.

3. Try to put the pieces of the puzzle together

If you think you’ve been raped, but you’re not sure whether or not you want to file a report, then try to put the pieces of the puzzle together. You want to do this relatively quickly because if you do file a report, you’ll need a physical exam for evidence. [Read: How to stop being angry: Free your mind and stop hurting yourself]

Call your friends who were with you that night and ask them what happened and how much you had to drink. Remember to record all this information down if you choose to report it.

4. Don’t blame yourself

Listen, we all get drunk from time to time. You should be able to get drunk without having to worry about whether you’ll get raped or not. This situation could have happened to anyone, not just you.

So, don’t blame yourself for what happened. The person who raped you should be held responsible for not having your consent.

However, if you’re not sure if you consented or not, the confusion becomes even more cloudy. None of that matters however, what matters is that you know the blame doesn’t sit on your lap. [Read: Male privilege – What it is and what it looks like in real life]

5. If you’re both drunk, it is still rape

Many people use the excuse, “oh, well, I was just as equally drunk as she was.” Being drunk isn’t a valid excuse to use to defend yourself from raping someone. If this person was also drunk but they were the one to initiate sexual intercourse, they’re held responsible.

6. If you’re drunk, you’re not fully conscious

When we talk about drunk sex, we’re not referring to when you had two beers and you’re giggly. When you’re drunk, you’re not fully conscious. Alcohol affects the way you communicate with people and how you make decisions.

So, regardless if you wanted to have sex with them earlier that day but now you’re unable to properly function because you’re drunk, this is still rape. [Read: Stealth sex – What it is & how to stop an asshole from stealthing]

7. Save any texts or evidence from that night

If you think you’ve been raped, you need to start collecting evidence. Look at your call log, look at your text messages, and save your underwear and clothing. There may be semen on your clothing that can be used to prove you were drunk sex raped.

If you’re lucky enough to have the drink you were drinking last night still with you, keep it. You need to build a case for yourself proving something did happen and you didn’t agree with it. [Read: Feeling defeated? How to overcome the things that keep you stuck]

8. Just because you didn’t say yes, doesn’t mean you said no

If you don’t remember saying yes, but you don’t remember saying no, is drunk sex rape? Yes! Just because you didn’t say anything, doesn’t mean you said yes.

In fact, you literally didn’t say anything. So, you didn’t give a thumbs up or thumbs down which means they shouldn’t touch you. Silence is not the green light to have sex.

9. Decide whether you want to file a report

Choose whether or not you want to file a police report. Some women do not and that’s their personal choice. Some women feel that this is a very personal and intimate matter and would rather just leave it be. While others want to file a report and place responsibility on the individual who did it.

If you do choose to file a police report, which of course, we recommend, then you need to be prepared. Though people may sympathize with you, many point the finger at you instead. But you can handle this – nobody has a right to judge you. [Read: Sense of self – 21 steps to raise it and feel like a million bucks]

10. If your friend has been raped but they’re in denial, don’t force it

If you have someone in your group of friends who thinks they’ve been raped, support them. Listen to their story and be there for them.

Now, if they don’t want to report it, you can’t force them to do it. It’s their choice whether or not they take this incident to the police. All you can do as a friend is support them and their decision. [Read: How to be a friend – The real art of true & meaningful friendships]

You have a right to feel what you feel

It’s easy to try and brush something like this under the carpet and try to forget about it. You might tell yourself that it doesn’t matter. Perhaps you might even blame yourself for having too much to drink. However you feel, you’re allowed to feel those emotions.

Of course, you shouldn’t blame yourself, but you need to address and work through any emotions or thoughts you feel.

Confide in a close friend and talk to them about what’s happened. It’s always better to talk about things than keep them bottled up. That’s even more important in a situation such as this.

Whether you choose to report the incident or lay it to rest, know that how you feel is your prerogative and nobody can tell you differently.

[Read: How to be confident – The 20 life hacks you need to implement]

Is drunk sex rape? Well, sometimes you have a great experience, but you can also have a very dark experience with drunk sex. Though we hope this never happens to you, if it does, remember it’s not your fault.

The post Is Drunk Sex Rape? How to Know If It Was Consensual or Not is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

Big vs Small Dick: 21 Best & Worst Qualities to Pick the Best Penis

Let’s settle the debate – big vs small dick, which is better? Or, are both equally as good in their own right as long as the man knows how to use it?

Be honest, which side are you on in the big vs small dick debate? Does size really matter to you, or are you more concerned with how a man uses whatever he’s packing?

If you were to ask anyone off the street what they’d prefer, they’d pick the big one without batting an eyelid. It’s what we’ve always been told, right, big equals better, hotter, and sexier? But is that really true? Or have we been fed a myth that’s now been accepted as the truth?

Big or small?

In truth, size does matter to a degree and anyone who says otherwise has a penis that’s malfunctioned more times than they care to count. A lot of men aren’t willing to admit that their size concerns them and that it’s one of the reasons why it’s difficult for them to satisfy the ladies.

We’re not just calling out the little guys here. Size can be an issue for every guy. Not because they are lacking or have too much, but because they don’t know how to use their penis in accordance with its size.

You might think that a big dick is the king, but that can hurt a woman if it’s used in the wrong way!

Size matters because you have to prepare for any eventuality that requires you to adjust. You have to know how, where, and when to move it. In order for you to know how to please someone using a penis of any size, you have to acknowledge that YOUR SIZE matters. [Read: Does size matter to women or is there more to it?]

The different kinds of penises and the sizes that matter

Before we go any further, we need to understand that every penis is different, just like every pair of breasts out there. You have the big ones, the small ones, the growers and the showers, the big heads and small heads, the ones that are hung downward like a horse and the ones that are short and stand almost upright, and so much more.

If you want to be able to tell the size of a man’s package just by looking at him, check out this feature on how to know if a guy has a big dick – 18 signs he’s clearly well-endowed to know more about that.

So the funny thing about penises is that it’s not easy to accurately define a big one. Do you take a man’s nationality or race into consideration, or would that be unfair?

But as we’re talking just about the size of a penis here, let’s stick to that for now. So what really makes a penis a big one in general? Is it just the length alone? Or is it the girth *circumferential thickness*? Or would it be both? To be honest, both kinda matter here.

A thin and long pencil dick would tickle, but it wouldn’t really get the job done, would it?

On the other one, a chode, which is what we call a fat cock that’s unusually short and thick would probably feel like fucking a toad! *okay, gross comparison, we get it!* [Read: The Chode + 16 pop culture sex terms you should know by now]

What makes a dick a big one or a small one?

Ideally, when you’re talking about a good dick, we’re talking about a perfect cock, we’re talking about one that’s fairly well endowed with a good length and reasonable thickness as well. [Read: The perfect cock – What makes a penis stand out from the rest?]

If a girl wraps her thumb and index finger around your penis to form a ring, and she can’t touch the two fingertips, that’s a very good sign you have a thick penis. With regard to the length, if you drop your pants, and you hear her gasp, well, you’re obviously packing a good one.

In terms of inches and real measurement, if you’re a man with a penis just over 5 inches, you can consider yourself the average. If you’re packing a couple of inches or more, good for your ego, and you now have a big dick. On the other hand, if you’re a couple of inches less than 5 inches, that’s considered a small penis.

Why is 3 inches the magic number for a small prick? Well, that’s because the first three inches of a woman’s vaginal canal is the mosts sensitive and give her the most pleasure, so if you can hit those spots, you’re still golden.

Porn and the anxiety it gives men and their penises

The problem with the whole comparison of a big vs small dick, starts with porn. Almost every guy you see in porn seems to be packing a little 10-inch python in his shorts. And that gives everyone in the real world a skewed image of just how big a big penis is, and what makes one an average one.

You need to remember that these actors in porn movies are picked specifically for their “hidden” talents. Just as women with huge boobs were once the preferred actors of mainstream porn, bigger penises have been preferred the same way. Bigger dicks just take up more screen space and look better in movies.

So the next time you drop your shorts in front of a woman, or you see a man drop his shorts in front of you, remember that porn is not the standard. And more importantly, what you imagine would be big may not always do the best job!

Big vs small dick – What size really matters?

The question people keep asking is this: Is bigger always better? Most people assume that it is, but if you’ve ever encountered a gargantuan appendage, you’ll know that sometimes size can be a problem either way.

Some guys with the most unassuming packages can actually get girls off more than the ones who have anaconda-level schlongs. The size that really matters – the one that every man and woman would find ideal – is the size of his brain.

Small or big, penis size won’t matter if a man doesn’t know how to make it work. It’s going to take a lot of experimenting, but the end result will more than make up for all the hard work you put in. [Read: What does she really think of your penis?]

The pros & cons of a small penis

There are upsides and downsides to both large and small penises. That’s why the whole big vs small dick debate has raged on for years. Let’s check out the pros and cons.

Cons of a small penis

Some of these cons may be obvious, but let’s reiterate them one by one.

1. Low self-esteem. This can be easily remedied when you accept your situation and maximize your other winning attributes, like your wit and humor. Treating your partner like a princess won’t hurt either. [Read: 10 signs of low self-esteem and 5 ways to increase it]

2. Can’t get it in. If it’s not going in, just let it go. Put something else in like a finger or a vibrator or maybe your tongue.

3. Not visually pleasing. All you need is full disclosure and a way to distract your partner from looking at it.

4. Less G-spot orgasms. That’s why there are clitoral orgasms. Fingers and toys can help with that as well. Where there’s a will, there’s a way. Unfortunately, with the big vs small dick debate, big wins on this point. [Read: How to hit the G-Spot and make her squirm with pleasure]

Pros of a small penis

Worry not, less endowed men! There’s always a silver lining to having a penis that’s smaller than average.

1. Overcompensation. But in a good way. Your partner will definitely appreciate the things you do to make up for the lack of length and girth.

2. Blowjobs are insane. The small size allows girls to go all out and do whatever the heck they want to with your penis. They love that they can comfortably get busy without choking or gagging. [Read: How to get a blowjob – 12 secret techniques to get her to enjoy it]

3. Backdoor possibilities. Most women complain that anal hurts. They’re more likely to experiment with this if their partner’s penis is small enough to snuggle comfortably in their butthole.

4. You can hone your oral pleasing skills. What else can you do? Most guys with small penises make more of an effort in learning to please a woman using their mouth and tongue. [Read: The best tips and tricks to give her oral sex like a pro]

5. Sex toys are now up for consideration. It’s easier to suggest the idea of toys when you have no other option. At least this time, the guys and girls won’t be shy about asking for it.

The pros & cons of a big penis

Just because you’ve got a big package, doesn’t mean you won’t have to worry about some of these problems.

Cons of big penis

1. Can’t get it in. And you thought only the little guys had this problem. Just because vaginas expand, it does not mean that there’s no limit. Women will say no, especially when trying to put it in if it already hurts. [Read: The biggest big dick problems you probably didn’t think about]

2. Internal injuries. A lot of situations with big penises can hurt women. They can bleed internally, develop infections, and even blood clots from bruising.

3. No deep throating. The least you can hope for when you’re hung as a horse is a few licks on your penis. If a girl can’t take it all in, there’s no point in pushing her to her limit. [Read: 16 ways to get her to give you head]

4. No anal. It’s difficult to even try when it already hurts to put it in a vagina. We can’t imagine the literal butthurt of trying to squeeze it in through a sphincter.

5. Condoms. There’s never any available ones for big guys. They make them, but they sure don’t stock them.

6. Complacency. Guys with big dicks think that their size is enough to please a woman. Many a woman will completely disagree. [Read: Well endowed – What it’s really like to sleep with a big dick]

Pros of a big penis

Of course, along with the cons are also the pros of being hung like a horse.

1. G-spot orgasms are more likely. If the guy knows how to elicit them, that is. Still, having a big penis will guarantee access to the big G.

2. Big penises are turn-ons. There’s something primal and arousing about seeing a really thick, long and hard penis. Looking at it might just even give your partner an orgasm.

3. Bragging rights. Having a big penis makes you more popular and attractive. Sorry, but it’s true. When it comes to big vs small dick, the bragging rights are all yours. [Read: Men with big balls – Pros, cons & what girls think of huge testicles]

4. Self-esteem levels are off-the-charts. Big penis equals big ego. Men know that having a big penis gives them an advantage over their peers in terms of sex and… um… sex.

5. Lots of options for positions. The fact is that you can work better around a bigger penis than a small one. There’s no risk of it slipping out, especially if it’s deep in there.

6. Big penises are fetish-friendly. Fetishes utilize different body parts and toys. There’s not much you can do with a small penis, but a big one is the perfect prop for any and all fetishes. [Read: How to tell if your girlfriend has had bigger without asking her]

Do you need to do something about your size?

Now that you know what’s good and what’s not, you can finally start to make some headway with your penile predicament.

Rather than pop bottles and bottles of supplements and splurging on the deadly penis pumps out there, or, God forbid, get a penis reduction surgery, you’re better off learning about how to please your woman the right way.

Now, you may be wondering if we’ve even considered the possibility of a micropenis and a ginormo-penis. Yes, we made that up. [Read: Weird penis – 10 freaky behaviors that are totally normal]

Most men with micropenises are not built for sex. A vagina is deep. Even the shallowest one is still too deep for micropenises. The best case scenario for a micropenis is that it can be rubbed on a clitoris. And guys, that’s totally okay! Any type of orgasm is still a win for most women.

Ginormo-penises, on the other hand, sound like the best thing ever. But in reality, it’s more than most women can actually handle. It can be painful and can even cause serious injuries when not handled properly. If you’re gentle enough and have a huge stock of lube, you’re good to go.

Big vs small dick, which is the winner?

Neither. They’re both as advantageous or problematic as the other.

You’re best skipping the body modifications, and just settle for pleasing a woman as best as you can using your wit, your character, your fingers, and your tongue. In the big vs small dick argument, both have their pros and cons.

Make peace with your nether regions and focus on more important matters!

[Read: How much does size really matter when it comes to penises?]

Size is not an illusion, but its importance is a state of mind in the big vs small dick debate. Some people think that size is non-negotiable, but there are 7 billion people out there. There’s bound to be someone whose vagina or butt is perfect for your penis.

The post Big vs Small Dick: 21 Best & Worst Qualities to Pick the Best Penis is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

How to Have Rough Sex & 15 Dirty Moves to Have the Sexiest Time Ever

Sometimes a little dirty, rough sex is all you need to boost your sex life. Learn how to have rough sex in the best way with a few rough sex ideas too. 

Rough sex is subjective. What’s rough to one person could be tame to another. If you’re seeing someone for a while, and they confess that they love rough sex, don’t just grin widely and assume you know what they expect you to do in bed. First, learn how to have rough sex and do a little research. There are plenty of rough sex ideas you can check out and find some middle ground you can both enjoy.

At the end of the day, rough sex isn’t always about swinging from the chandeliers, it’s about losing yourself in the passion that you’re creating together. And there are many ways to do that!

[Read: Aggressive sex – 14 wild ways to do it right if you like it rough]

What is rough sex?

Rough sex is the type of sex where you involve pain in the sexual act, to increase sexual pleasure. That doesn’t have to be a lot of pain, it can simply be enough of a twinge to make you feel alive!

It’s a sexual release where you can show off your brute strength and your lust at the same time.

Rough sex is not something most people talk about easily, but yet, it’s something all of us could enjoy if done the right way. [Read: The 7 sexiest types of sex you can ever have!]

If you’re not someone who’s into rough sex, bringing all that pain and aggression into something as romantic as lovemaking could sound alarming. But that’ll all change once you understand the little nuances of passionate rough sex.

Firstly, rough sex is best enjoyed with a partner you trust. Both of you know each other’s limitations and capabilities, and it’s easy to know where to draw the line. [Read: 13 untold sex secrets you really need to know]

The importance of a safe word

When learning how to have rough sex, you need to feel comfortable and confident. It’s easy to be a little timid at first or even nervous, but having a safe word will give you extra security. Basically, this is a word you agree on beforehand.

If one of you starts to feel out of control or uncomfortable, you say the safe word and everything stops. No questions asked.

That way, you know that you can explore the fun side of rough sex with the added knowledge that you can stop at any time you want to.

Of course, it’s important that both partners are very clear on what the safe word is, that you both have the same one, and you listen and act immediately. [Read: Meaning of safe words & how to use them when you’re playing rough]

The psychological thrill of rough sex

One of the sexier things about rough sex is how contagious it is in bed.

If you claw your lover’s back with your nails, the rage they experience will subconsciously force them to reciprocate your rough moves with their own, which can lead to a heightened sexual experience for both of you.

But rough sex isn’t for everyone, especially the ones who have had bad experiences with it. For the ones who enjoy it though, an occasional round of rough sex can increase the passion in a long-term relationship. [Read: The best ways to make long term sex feel like a sexy one night stand]

People who love rough sex get the sexual high, more from the pain they experience than the sexual pleasure they feel. It’s definitely not a bad thing though, because every once in a while, a change in routine in any relationship can make lovemaking a lot more sexy and alive. [Read: 30 dirty ways to spice up your sex life]

When you’re genuinely having rough sex, the urge to enhance the sexual sensation is so overwhelming that even penetration can’t satisfy you. You want to do more. It hurts but you like it, and that’s what makes the whole thing so passionate.

But rough sex isn’t for everyone and every stage of a relationship. Especially for a woman, she’d feel more comfortable indulging in it with someone she trusts and loves, and knows will not judge her *unless she’s having a one night stand with a really sexy guy she’s been waiting to get into bed with for a while*. [Read: 50 shades of dangerous sex – The right way to get risque]

Dominant and submissive rough sex

Rough sex is rough sex, but even when two people indulge in it, they can take on two different kinds of roles. One partner usually initiates the rough sex while the other partner experiences the physical pain and gets aroused by it.

If you’re more dominant in the relationship or in real life and have a career or a lifestyle where you’re not pushed around much, you may enjoy submissive rough sex more than other people. It’s your mind’s way of craving for a release from the responsibility and the control. The psychological release of control makes you enjoy your orgasm better. [Read: Blindfold sex – 15 sensual ways to use blindfolds in bed]

On the other hand, a lover who plays a submissive part in the relationship or in real life may get more pleasure by taking control in bed or by playing the dominant partner while having rough sex.

Rough sex doesn’t have to be a means to abuse each other or feel powerful. It can be used as a psychological release, just as long as you practice it in a controlled environment and swap dominant and submissive sides often, unless both of you prefer specific roles all the time. Think Fifty Shades of Grey if you’re struggling to picture it. [Read: The difference between making love and having sex and why you need them both]

Rough sex isn’t always kinky sex

While rough sex is a kind of kinky sex *unconventional*, it could just be a passionate tumble in the hay because both of you are extremely aroused.

Most kinds of kinky sex take some amount of planning and preparation, but rough sex almost never needs any planning, unless you plan to involve toys and other sexual paraphernalia.

Rough sex is sexual arousal beyond penetration, it’s the sexual arousal that’s brought about by aggression. Some couples end up having totally unplanned rough sex after an argument. All of that anger and annoyance is pumping through your veins and you need a release.

You can just jump into bed aggressively and rip each other’s clothes off, or you can choose to use a few rough sex ideas you just thought up to help release the rage! [Read: How to have the sexiest make up sex when you’re both angry with each other]

A rough sex tip for guys

Most girls like rough sex. Of course, not all the time! But every now and then, a good round of rough sex can make them feel alive.

Somehow, being dominated once in a while with aggression turns a girl on. There’s something about a man’s physical strength and animal-like aggression that can awe a girl and arouse her at the same time!

When you have rough sex with your girl, it shows off your confidence and your manly, wild side which can turn her on and rekindle the raw sexual desire in her. But how rough would she like it? Well, that’s something you need to talk to her about. [Read: How to satisfy a woman in bed and make sex more exciting for her]

Rough sex for the calm lover

If you’re someone who isn’t used to the idea of hurting a lover while making love *in a controlled environment*, the idea of rough sex may sound gross and appalling, even frightening. But you’d never know how powerful you feel or how sexually arousing the act can be until you try it. It comes down to research to add confidence.

Look into a few rough sex ideas that we’ve shared below, start with them, and modify them to something you’re happy with.

If you’re having rough sex for the first time, don’t let your awkwardness show. Start slow by kissing more aggressively and using your teeth to bite, but as you get more into the act, apply more pressure on your partner, either by using your hands or your pelvis. [Read: 10 kinky sex positions for a wild night every day of the week]

Run your hands through your lover’s hair and grip it firmly with your fingers while whispering something dirty or biting your lover’s neck. And when you feel comfortable enough, run your nails against your partner’s back, deeper with each confident thrust of your pelvis.

Somewhere along the way, you’ll start to feel the wild passion engulf you. Before you know it, you’ll be all roughed up and ready for a wild, rough time in bed! [Read: How to look a lot sexier naked using 15 real life tips]

15 easy rough sex ideas to try tonight!

Pain and pleasure release endorphins, a morphine-like chemical created in the body. If you learn to mix pain with sexual pleasure while having rough sex, you’d be able to experience more of the feel-good sensation instantly.

Here are the best rough sex ideas you can use in bed with your lover. But always remember to avoid getting carried away in the heat of the moment. And remember that safe word!

1. Scream and yell

Not all of us are sexual screamers. But when you get roughed up and shed your vocal inhibitions, you’ll feel more relaxed and carefree, which will make you wilder. [Read: How to moan and look and sound even more sexy in bed]

2. Nibble and bite

Using teeth is always a great way to bring out the animal in you when you’re in bed. Bite hard, but not hard enough to draw blood.

Focus on erogenous zones like the neck, the breasts, belly, inner thighs, and around the elbows and ankles.

3. Claw your lover

Scratch with your fingernails. Literally. Running a painful line with your fingernails against the soft skin of your lover’s back will send a sexy rush that can cause a lot of pain too.

But when you’re on a sexual high, all that pain will turn to sexual adrenalin! [Read: 13 clear signs to know she enjoys having sex with you]

4. Pull each other’s hair

Grab a handful of your lover’s hair just above the scalp at the back of the head, and tug at it. You won’t lose your grip and yet, the pain will feel more pleasurable than when you hold your lover by the lower ends of their hair. This is one of the easiest rough sex ideas to start with.

5. Aggressive movements

Pound each other like there’s no tomorrow. The aggressive to-and-fro movements will turn both of you on – just as long as both of you can hold on long enough. But remember, you’re dealing with fragile body parts here, so don’t get carried away and push too deep or too hard.

6. The burning slap

Slap each other across the face or the chest, or if you’re standing behind your partner who’s on all fours, slap their back or their butt. The searing pain will bring out the animal in your lover. There’s a reason why spanking is such a sexual bucket-list thing to try! [Read: The spanking guide – How and when to spank a bad, bad girl in bed]

7. Asphyxiation – But approach carefully

For many kinky lovers, cutting off the oxygen supply to the brain arouses them to an all-time high. But be very careful here, as you could end up hurting your lover while choking or throttling them. Instead of trying to choke your lover, just place your hands gently on your lover’s neck and massage it just until they feel your hand’s pressure.

Don’t try blocking the oxygen supply completely, you definitely should leave that to the professional kinky chokers who know what they’re doing. Another alternative is smothering the face, either by gently using your palms without too much force or by placing a porous pillow over your lover’s mouth.

This isn’t one of the rough sex ideas you should try as a beginner and it’s something that many people won’t feel comfortable with. However, it is part of the niche, so we’ll put it out there for you to explore should you want to as a couple. [Read: Strap in and kink out – Your guide to having submissive sex]

8. Abusive words

Ever heard the lines, “say my name!” or “call me a bitch!”? Well, many lovers adore getting called trashy names and hearing dirty abuses. If your lover’s into being called a whore, go ahead and indulge them. However, if your lover is someone who takes words to heart, perhaps avoid this one.

9. Fantasizing and role play

The words you choose play a big part in setting the mood for rough sex. Grab your partner by their hair as you lay on their side, and whisper something dirty about what you intend to do to them. Or pretend like both of you are two other people, like two strangers on a flight, or drunken strangers at a party.

If you have an active imagination, you’d get your lover in the mood even before doing anything else. It’s one of the best rough sex ideas to bring about a huge explosion of passion! [Read: Examples to fantasize and talk dirty in bed]

10. The gentle use of force

Forcing your partner to perform sexual acts can work quite well if both of you enjoy dominant and submissive roles. Force their head down on you, or hold your lover by their neck or hands and order them around in bed.

The ‘gentle’ use of force might sound like a contradiction but it’s gentle because it’s something you’ve both agreed to try. It’s not literal force. [Read: How to get him to go down on you more often without a push]

11. Give whips a try

If your fingernails aren’t painful enough, use short whips. They hurt more, and it’s a lot more dominating and insulting to be whipped.

12. Tie your lover up

Tie your lover’s hands and legs to the bedpost or hold their hands firmly with your own hands. The helplessness of the situation could turn both of you on. One of you will be in complete control of the other person. You could also use cuffs instead of ropes. [Read: 20 hot sex ideas to blow your lover’s mind in bed]

13. Spanking

Spanking is the poster-boy of rough sex. When someone thinks of rough sex, almost always they visualize a hard smack on a bare bottom. You know to smack, so go right ahead and smack them until they turn deep red.

14. Force yourself on your lover

But only if they want you to. If your partner gets aroused by the thought of being sexually overpowered by a stranger, talk dirty about a fantasy where your lover’s being forced into sexual submission by someone else. And as you visualize the scene, make sure your hands continue to play rough with your partner’s body. [Read: Top 10 sexual fantasies for girls]

15. Toys and gags

Rough toys and gags are not for the fainthearted. But if you want to take that road into rough sex, go right on. It may not be for everyone, but if you do enjoy extreme rough sex, perhaps BDSM is the way to go. [Read: How to plan a successful sexy toy party with your friends]

Incompatible partners and rough sex

Rough sex is all good and dandy as long as both of you are having fun. But are you in a relationship where only one partner enjoys rough sex while the other doesn’t?

Sometimes, a partner who feels emasculated or weak around you may use rough sex to feel more powerful. If your partner is using rough sex to feel dominant in a relationship, that’s not good for you or for the relationship.

Even while having sex, make sure both partners indulge in equal rough play, unless one of you intentionally likes to be submissive more often. It’s very important that both partners take control equally while having rough sex.

Another worry to keep in mind is the addiction. If you’re having rough sex the first few times, the idea may be intoxicating and arousing. But if one of you get addicted to it and don’t get turned on by the gentler kind of sex, cut down on the rough sex.

Wait until both of you can function sexually without having to resort to bruising or hurting each other. [Read: 10 dirty ways to get over a sexual dry spell and have better sex with your lover]

The negative side of rough sex – Don’t get carried away

Rough sex, just the way it sounds, is rough. You’re dealing with sensitive body parts here. Do remember to be gentle while playing in the hay. As they say, never do anything that you wouldn’t want to explain to the paramedics.

Uncontrolled rough sex can leave a guy broken and a girl bruised. Here are a few cautions you need to keep in mind.

1. Broken penis. If a girl sits down heavily or the guy aggressively penetrates deep, this is definitely possible. [Read: The most common sex positions that could leave you with a broken penis]

2. Penetrating too deep in a hurried motion can damage a girl’s cervix which can lead to bleeding or bruising.

3. It’s difficult to control ejaculation and orgasms while having rough sex. [Read: How to last longer during sex without any difficulty]

4. Your protection can get damaged while doing the rough nasty.

5. Tears in the vaginal walls due to aggressive rough sex.

If you notice any painful swellings or bleeding after rough sex, consult your doctor. Especially, if the symptoms last for more than a couple of days.

[Read: 10 fun sex games you can play with your boyfriend in bed]

Remember to communicate your desires

Rough sex is a lot of fun. It’s aggressive, wild, passionate, and steamy. But too much of a good thing always makes everything bad. Use rough sex to mix in with other kinds of kinky sex. [Read: Top 50 kinky sex ideas to make your relationship more sexually exciting!]

And if there’s something about rough sex you don’t like, or if a particular scenario in bed scares you, talk to your lover about it. Rough sex should be a passionate escape for both of you, not just for one selfish partner.

Have a safe word to know when to stop, so both of you know when things get out of hand while having rough sex. But as long as you keep these cautions in mind, go on out there and have the wildest rough sex ever!

[Read: Top 50 kinky sex ideas worth trying at least once in your lifetime]

Still wondering how to have rough sex? Well, use these rough sex ideas to get started, and you’ll definitely have a sexy, dirty, and wild time in bed with your lover!

The post How to Have Rough Sex & 15 Dirty Moves to Have the Sexiest Time Ever is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.