Want to know how to get a girl back after you screwed up? Follow these 21 steps to the tee, and you will win her back within the next couple of weeks!
Okay, so you screwed up! You ended the relationship and now you want to know how to get a girl back and win her over again. OR you got a bit too hasty while pursuing or dating a girl, and she now thinks you’re weird and wants nothing to do with you.
Perhaps, it happened a few weeks ago. Or it’s been way longer and you assumed wrongly that you wouldn’t even care about her. And now, this awesome girl you lost may even have started dating another guy or become cold towards you.
Now, understanding how to get a girl back in these circumstances requires a lot of work on your part, but it’s not impossible. You just have to work twice as hard. Why? Well, you know that phrase, “once bitten twice shy”? Yeah, she knows that phrase as well!
You lost her, and chances are, she doesn’t want you anymore. So if you have to get her interested the second time around, you need more than just sweet words and gestures, you need her to see you again as a high value guy who’s worth getting a second chance.
[Read: Sexual market value and the 5 biggest factors that increase a guy’s SMV in a girl’s eyes]
Getting a girl back – The two scenarios
Now there are two reasons why you’d want to know how to get a girl back. One, it’s a girl you like and you screwed up while pursuing her, and now you lost her because she doesn’t seem interested anymore. She probably even thinks you’re creepy!
Or secondly, it’s a girl you were casually dating, or she was your girlfriend. You both broke up for some reason, and now you regret that stupid decision.
Fair enough, as much as it sucks, regret comes to us all sometimes. But thankfully though, winning a girl back is possible with the right steps, it just takes some effort and lots of patience.
And honestly, if you follow these steps, you should have a very fair chance of winning her back and getting her to fall in love with you. Of course, unless you did something despicable like cheating on her, in which case, the uphill climb would only get that much harder.
Before we go ahead, if this is a girl you’ve already dated, read on below for all the steps. But if it’s a girl you didn’t date yet and only pursued, and ended up getting rejected, use this guide on how to get a girl who turned you down to like you again. Winning over a girl you haven’t dated yet is very different from winning back a girl you dated and broke up with.
So let’s go onward with learning how to win a girl back!
Why do you want this girl back?
This is something you need to think about before you go any further.
This is the time for some self-reflection. WHY do you want to win her back? You guys dated, and it’s all over now. Can’t you just date some other girl? And if you truly did love her, why did you let your relationship go to shit before you decided she’s the one you need, and probably love?
Maybe you broke up with her and regretted it, maybe you thought ending things was for the best but it really wasn’t, or maybe you just realized too late that she’s the love of your life.
Sometimes, when things end, it’s best to just let go. Chances are, there’s something better waiting for you. BUT if you’re certain she’s the one, or you know for sure that you screwed up and you want to fix it back, that’s a good sign. [Read: 20 signs your ex really wants you back and can’t stop thinking of you]
If you want to win a girl back, it should never be for some silly reason like “I’m bored…” or “she was sooo good in bed!” The effort isn’t worth it, you’ll have bad karma, and most importantly, you’re just wasting time pursuing a girl who may be able to see through your shitty intentions of using her.
There are many genuine reasons why you’d want her back, but just because you got to that realization doesn’t mean she’d feel the same way too. You lost her. And she’s probably over you. So if you want to win a girl back, it’s back to square one all over again. And you have to be prepared to put in some serious work to impress a girl who’s given up on you.
[Read: How to get your ex-girlfriend back – 14 steps to win back her love]
Can you really get a girl back?
You might think that girls are complicated creatures, but they’re pretty simple to understand. If you know all the right strings to pull, then you know exactly how to get a girl back. It doesn’t take a lot of strategies to do this right, but it’s all a matter of giving her space and being as genuine as possible.
The one thing you should avoid is engaging in any form of manipulative mind games to win back – that’s not something you want to risk. Anyone can see through manipulation, and it would backfire instead of working for you.
Remember, manipulation only works when you’re in control of the situation or the person.
So if she’s walked out of your life, chances are, she’s okay with living without you already. She doesn’t need you right now, and that means she is unmanipulatable! So stick with being genuine and completely avoid any kind of game playing.
Instead, wear your heart on your sleeve, and express yourself very clearly instead. It’s corny, but if you love her with everything you’ve got wholeheartedly, that’s when she’ll see your purest intentions.
[Read: How to get your ex back and convince her it’s the right thing to do!]
How to get a girl back and get her to fall for you all over again
It’s not the end of the world just because this girl you like doesn’t like you back *anymore*. The worst thing that could happen is nothing. But if you express yourself the right way, you could win her back and life would be a bed of roses all over again!
Follow these steps one by one without skipping any steps in between, and if all goes well, you and your ex-girlfriend should be back together and dating within the next few weeks!
1. Be sure that you want this
So many people think they want a girl back, put in all the effort to get them back, only to realize they didn’t want that person to begin with. If you want to know how to get a girl back, put your ego aside and figure out why you really want her.
Are you just lonely? Maybe you can’t deal with being alone? Or do you genuinely, from the bottom of your heart, love her? Because if you’re not sure, you’re investing all this time and effort into something you’ll eventually regret.
And the poor girl, what about her? She doesn’t deserve to be hurt again all because you’re selfish and didn’t think through what you really want.[Read: When is it best for you to stop loving someone and move on]
2. Where did you go wrong? Can it be fixed?
So where did you go wrong? Did you ask a girl out and she said no? Did you get bored with the relationship, and decide to end things, only to later realize you’re hollow and empty without her?
Whatever the reasons, this is the most important thing you need to focus on at this point in time. Remember, she still probably thinks you’re a great guy IF not for the issues that separated both of you. If you want to give the relationship a real shot, you need to fix that part of yourself up even before you ask her for a second chance.
If you don’t know why the relationship ended, you’re probably not going to get her back. Reflect back and think about why she left you or why you decided to break it off. Maybe you didn’t spend enough time together, you took her for granted, or there was something significant she wanted you to change.
Look back and see what it was, then be better. Don’t do it for her, but do it for yourself. Know the reason because it’s going to come up in conversation, and it’s the key to whether or not she takes you back. [Read: How to be a good boyfriend – 33 traits that will make you the best ever]
3. Express yourself clearly if you want to get the girl back
This is something you must do, but only if this girl is your ex-girlfriend or you both dated for a while. You’re probably feeling a bit vulnerable right now, so this is a good time to let her know how you feel.
You could text her and tell her you’d like to meet her *because you have something you’d like to talk about*. This is a great way to get all those feelings out there. But there’s a chance she may not be interested.
What’s even better is to text her when you’re feeling really vulnerable and miss her. She can read your text whenever she feels like it, and because she doesn’t have to respond to you immediately, she’d be more open to empathizing and understanding your perspective, instead of putting up a wall. [Read: How to apologize to a girl when you know you completely screwed up]
4. Don’t pick a fight
This is where most guys go wrong while trying to understand how to get a girl back. They let their egos get in the way!
When you text a girl and tell her you’re sorry, or that you’re an idiot for letting her get away, remember to keep your cool. It’s one thing to be vulnerable or sorry, but it’s a totally different story if you’re going to get pissed with her because she accuses you of something in her response.
Remember, you’re the one crawling back to her because you’re the one that made the mistake. So don’t let your ego get in the way.
If she accuses you of something that you think is unfair, it’s completely okay to explain yourself calmly. But it gives you no right to get into a war of words with her. Even if she is angry that you’re trying to reconnect after so long *and she has every right to be angry!* stay calm and listen to her instead of trying to win the argument. [Read: The biggest signs your ex-girlfriend doesn’t want you back and will not date you again]
5. Apologize
If you did something to contribute to the breakup, apologize. You both probably did things that affected the relationship, and it’s time you admitted those faults to each other. Saying sorry is one of the ways on how to get a girl back that doesn’t involve pride or arrogance.
It’s an act of surrender when you show her that you care more about her than your ego.
Saying sorry also acts as a closure for everything that’s happened in the past so you could both move forward, if you choose to. When you apologize to a girl, or anyone really, it lets them know that you’re sorry, and more importantly, that you feel bad about something you did. And that, truly, allows anyone to open up and be vulnerable in turn with you. [Read: How to apologize to a lover you want to win back again]
6. Invest the time
Getting a girl back isn’t going to be as easy as taking her to a movie or buying her some chocolates. You must invest the time into her, and the relationship that’s hanging by a thread. This is one of the most important ways on how to win a girl back.
Prove to her that you can sacrifice your interests and focus on her so she can really see how much she means to you.
7. Be worthy of her *and some more*
Get your life back in order, as soon as you possibly can. If you’ve stopped working out, hit the gym. If you’ve been a mess and haven’t focused on work, now is the time to start prioritizing building a life instead of messing around.
This also holds good for investing time to better yourself, whether that’s finding a job, working out, or just doing something good with your life. Prove to her that you’re deserving of her – that’s how you get a girl back.
Remember, she has to see you, like you, and admire you for who you are now if there has to be any chance of changing her mind. [Read: 16 signs your ex still wants you back in her life]
8. She will doubt your intentions when you try to win her over again
She already knows that you’re trying to get her back, so whatever you do, in the back of her head, you’re doing this only because you want her back.
Even if you’re genuine, she would be wary. And she’s going to be wary for a while, and that’s her right. You didn’t care enough to be with her when you were together, and now, she wants to be really sure this relationship is worth a second shot.
If you buy her flowers, or write her a poem, or even behave more affectionately, she may love the gesture, but she’ll always wonder if you’re faking it or if you’ll hurt her again.
Be genuine with your intentions and your words. If you do something nice for her, do it because you actually want to make her happy. But don’t fake it because she’d be able to see through your actions, and that would only push her further away from you. [Read: How to prove you love someone – 15 honest things every lover must do]
9. Should you pursue her if she’s dating someone else?
If she’s with someone else, your odds of getting back with her are going to be way smaller, if not impossible.
But what should you do here? If you truly care about her, and you see that she’s happy, the right thing to do is to let her be. You had your shot, you broke her heart, and now that she’s happy, you shouldn’t have any right to steal her happiness away.
On the other hand, if she’s just started dating someone, or if she’s single, it’s now or never for you. Of course, you want her and you believe she would be happier with you. And if that’s the case, you can go ahead and pursue her all over again. But remember, subtlety is key here. She knows you’re pursuing her already the minute you texted her, so take it easy, and for now, all you need to do is stay connected. [Read: How to get a girl with a boyfriend to like you and pick you over him]
10. Don’t suffocate her while trying to get a girl back
If you want to know how to get a girl back, suffocating her is the last thing you should do. Literally, just let her breathe. Don’t bombard her with texts and phone calls, just take it easy there. Give her some space, she needs time to think about what’s happening between you and her.
She needs to process her feelings without her judgment being clouded by your presence. The fact you had a relationship means she still somehow cares about you. This is why you need to give her space – to just think and process it all.
11. Balancing space and connection
No, don’t send her funny memes just yet. Don’t call her late at night because you’re bored. And don’t behave like everything’s lovey, fine and dandy between you two.
If you behave like she’s your girl while talking over the phone with her, or start taking her easy in any way, she’ll believe you don’t respect her. That would only infuriate her, or leave her way more annoyed! [Read: How to treat a woman right – 21 things you MUST do if you want her to stay with you]
12. Be there for her
If you tell her you’ll text her, make sure you text her. If you know she got a promotion at work, make sure you congratulate her. If she needs any help moving or fixing something, let her know you’re always around to help. If you can order in some food for her, do that if she’d be okay with it.
Give her all the space she needs, but when you both do text each other or speak over the phone, let her know and see that you’re always there for her. If you get this right, this is where she’d start to feel warmer towards you and want you back in her life again.
13. But go slow with the emotions
You may really like her, but don’t overwhelm her with your feelings right away!
No, you don’t need to be indifferent and cold, you’ll push her away completely with this. But if you want to know how to win a girl back, go slow with your emotions. Don’t go all out right away and wear your heart on your sleeves.
Don’t dive in headfirst without caution – you’ll scare her! Take it gradually and take it one step at a time. If you were degrading or uninterested in the relationship previously, don’t flip and go a complete 180 by being extra-lovey just to win her.
This looks extremely fake and forced, and she may dislike you even more instead of wanting you back! You know you should straighten up, but do it gradually, and most importantly, be sincere. [Read: Why slow and steady is the only way to go when getting back together with your ex]
13. She needs to need you
She knows you miss her. But if you want to know how to get a girl back, you need to make her miss you. This is literally the most important thing you need to remember.
You can tell her you love her or that you need her, or beg and cry, but none of that will work. You can’t think from your perspective if you want to win her back. You need to think from hers!
She doesn’t need to see how much you need her. She needs to need you.
14. Let her see you’re holding back your love
If you want to win a girl back, you need to hold your overflowing emotions back, and she needs to see that.
So text her in moderation, maybe a text or two a day if she reciprocates. She may not text you first for several days or even a week or two, and that’s okay. Stay connected with her, and let her know you miss her. But don’t overdo it. Let her see the desire in you, let her know that you would hug her and kiss her and make love to her if only you could, but hold back and stay respectful.
You need to shower her with love, but always let her see that you’re holding back your emotions and gestures.
When you talk to her over the phone, let her realize you don’t want to hang up the phone *you can take a deep breath and pause for a few seconds before you say bye*.
When you text her, let her know *type something long, delete it again, and just send the words “miss you… so much* that you have so much to say but you’re holding back your words and thoughts.
Honestly, if you really do love her, all of this should come naturally. So just let her see that you love her and miss her, but you’re trying your best to hold everything back because you don’t want to scare her away. [Read: 300+ very romantic text messages for her that’ll make any girl melt instantly]
15. She needs to see you and admire you
This is important. If you want to know how to win a girl back, you should know that you need to be fancied by her all over again.
She liked you, and then decided not to like you anymore. Of course, she may still miss you. But you need to ask yourself if there’s something more you can do to convince her to give you a second shot and see you from a fresh perspective.
You need to show her that you’re in control of your life, and that you can balance your career, your social life, your health, and everything else that’s important to you. Go out and meet your friends, share a few pictures on social media, work out, dress up, and look great. If you want to get a girl back, it all starts with appearing desirable in her eyes again! [Read: How to make a girl want you, desire you and obsess over you!]
16. Get back to the basics of getting a girl back
You screwed up, so if you think you’re going to get laid after buying her flowers, you’re delusional. Start back from the start and woo her all over again. Why? Because you don’t deserve anything more than that. You need to let yourself go through everything you went through before in courting her – you may even have to try harder.
Trust and respect are both the foundation of a relationship and the fact that your relationship ended means either one or both have been lost. You need to let her trust you again, which means earning back that trust. [Read: The 13 strong foundations of a relationship you need to focus on to impress her]
17. You don’t have to make her jealous
You can try to make her jealous if you want, but, why though? If she has genuine feelings for you, why would you want to play games and leave her feeling anxious? If you truly want to know how to win a girl back, you need to help her see your best side all over again, not make her jealous just to trigger her anxiety or fear of losing you!
Her feelings for you didn’t disappear, they’re right there. Also, if there was any type of jealousy or envy involved in the first place which led to you both falling apart, making her feel the same way is the last thing you should ever try!
18. See her in person
She may not want to meet you again, at least not initially. But over a week or two, she may reconsider seeing you in person again. And when that does happen, try to rebuild the connection and the relationship you lost after the breakup if you want to know how to win a girl back.
It’s different being with her in person than just texting her, calling her, or chatting her over on social media. Hang out with her, go for a coffee, whatever it is, just make sure you see each other face to face.
19. Don’t get grabby and touchy
Yes, you’re aching to hold her in your arms again. BUT now is not the time. You’ve just rebuilt the fragile bond and convinced her to meet you again. So take it slow, there is no need to rush at all.
Don’t behave like you’re her long-term boyfriend by trying to grab her hand as soon as you both sit down. Treat her with respect, give her the space she deserves. But stare deeply into her eyes as you talk to her, and let your eyes express your love and desire for her.
Wait for her to make a move to touch you, or at least sit closer to you. Remember, it’s all about desirability again. If you don’t pounce on her already, she’d wonder why you aren’t touching her yet, and that would in turn make her desire you even more. [Read: How to respect a girl in the relationship and love her better]
20. Talk to her honestly if you want to get her back
They’ll be a moment where you two talk about the relationship, what happened, and where it all went wrong. Take your chance to be honest with her. You can’t learn how to get a girl back with lies and manipulation – relationships don’t work that way.
You need to earn her trust, so be honest with her. If you bullshit her in this moment, you won’t get her back. Ever.
21. Relax and process everything
Yes, you’re hanging out with her again. That’s a good thing. So you really shouldn’t let your anxiety or frustration show. If you’re not comfortable and relaxed, she’ll notice and the whole situation comes out forced. You don’t want that, you want it to run smoothly and actually last. [Read: How to communicate in a relationship – 16 steps to a better love]
When she expresses her opinions, listen to her without trying to cut her off or justify something. And when you tell her how much you miss her and want to get back with her, be honest and focus on winning her back, not winning brownie points over an argument!
After she meets you, talks to you, and goes back to her place, you want her to have an upbeat and positive impression of you, rather than a negative one. You don’t want her to remember exactly why the relationship ended in the first place, so just relax and breathe. Don’t overthink everything! [Read: The 21 atypical secrets you need to know to impress a girl the second time around]
So how to win a girl back?
You can win a girl back by avoiding silly mind games and just being genuine and sincere with your intentions. Show her how much you love her and give her time to process everything.
If you truly do love her, and are sincere, she will see it and big chances are, she will fall back in love with you all over again!
[Read: Understanding a girl’s perspective – Should I give my ex-boyfriend another chance?]
Now you know every single step you need to understand about how to get a girl back. It’s time to apply these steps in winning her over, and see where it takes you. With the right kind of patience, dedication, and love, she should be in your arms again, very soon.
The post How to Get a Girl Back: 21 Steps to Win Her Over After Screwing Up is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.
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