Breakups are always difficult to get through, but you’re so much stronger than you think. So if you want to learn how to get over your ex, keep reading.
Knowing how to get over an ex will never be easy. Even if you’re mad at them, it will take time to move on. Most people just want to get it over with. You want to totally forget about your ex by finding someone new, obsessing over work, or even taking risks.
You may have dealt with a breakup previously, but that doesn’t make a new one any easier to handle. Generally, we almost always choose to sabotage ourselves in the pursuit of the quickest path to get over someone. And inevitably, not only do you have a harder time getting over an ex, but you also regret many of the things you did along the way!
This is a mistake a lot of people make when figuring out how to get over an ex… doing it quickly rather than healthily.
Quick results may seem helpful at the moment, but in the long run, they’re all ways to avoid your feelings rather than getting over them.
You need to know that getting over your ex doesn’t mean you wipe them from your memory. It means you find a way to appreciate the experience and move forward.
[Read: Breakup advice – The best ones you need to follow and the ones that’ll harm you]
Relationships end and fall apart
There are always things beyond our control, and one of those things is relationships. Even if a breakup is one of the last things we want to experience, we will still experience them. Especially when we’re in a bad relationship or with the wrong person, breakups are bound to occur.
We know you might have imagined things to turn out differently, but breakups are also a way to get us closer to the right person.
We will never learn the lessons we’re supposed to in love without breakups if we all end up with the first person we liked. That might be ideal, but it doesn’t help you grow and become better.
You should expect that you’ll encounter a few heartbreaks in this lifetime before you end up with the one meant for you. And until then, you just have to learn to accept that harsh truth and understand how to get over an ex in the healthiest way possible. [Read: How to move on from a break up without compromising your dignity]
How not to get over your ex – The mistakes many of us make
There are a lot of ways you can get over your ex without doing harm to your mental or emotional health. But, there are also a lot of ways to do so while wreaking havoc on yourself.
To get over your ex and keep your peace of mind, do not do these things.
1. Don’t go looking for love
You just had a breakup. Maybe it was two weeks ago, or maybe it’s been a year already. But if you’re still thinking of your ex fondly, you’re not really ready for love just yet.
Sure, some couples work out even though they met right after a breakup. But, if you aren’t over your ex yet, finding someone new will either feel wrong or push you right into their arms too soon. This can make you project all your issues with your ex onto this person and won’t help you get over your ex.
Now, if you want something strictly physical and know you can mentally strong enough to handle that, be our guest, as long as the other person is on the same page. [Read: Are you a serial monogamist? 15 very clear signs you definitely are one!]
2. Don’t try to be friends
There is nothing wrong with being friends with an ex, down the line. But if you aren’t yet over them, you should not be keeping in touch. This will only make things more difficult.
Without an actual end to grieve, the relationship won’t feel over. Being friends with your ex will sabotage your progress in understanding how to get over your ex.
So don’t try and be friends with them, especially if the pain and heartbreak are still fresh. Space and time will both do you a lot of good, and you can’t achieve that if you remain friends with them. [Read: The good and bad of being friends with your ex]
3. Stop avoiding your feelings
This may seem like the best thing to do when you’re hurting, but it prevents you from moving on. It numbs the pain or distracts you from it for a time. But if you never face the facts, you’ll cling to your ex even longer. This is another common way on how to get over your ex, but it’s far from healthy.
When you shut your feelings off, you’re also increasing the possibility of your emotions turning into repressed feelings. You need to come to terms with your feelings, and you can’t do that if you constantly subdue and avoid them.
As uncomfortable as it might feel, sit with your thoughts, and allow yourself to feel the pain. You need to confront it, and understand what you’re feeling if you need to overcome it. [Read: How to recognize the signs your ex is only pretending to be over you]
4. Don’t get overwhelmed with work
It can be good to throw yourself into work at a hard time, but if you do this, it prevents you from giving the breakup the attention it needs. And it stalls you right at the breakup stage.
It is good to stay busy. But instead of trying hard to ignore all thoughts of your ex, focus on the same thing from another perspective. Genuinely make the effort to improve yourself in some way. If you want to distract yourself with work, try working harder for a promotion. Pick up a new hobby. Work out. Keep yourself busy, but do it so you can see personal results and improvements in your life.
If there’s a central theme on what you shouldn’t do to get over your ex, it’s this – Don’t bury yourself with mindless activities with the sole intention of shutting off your feelings. [Read: How to get over someone when your heart refuses to]
5. Stay in contact
The last thing you should do is stay in contact with your ex if you want to learn how to get over your ex. Similar to being friends with them, you can’t keep torturing yourself by still talking to them. You’re prolonging your breakup process further, and it’s not helping you.
Cut off all contact with them, including deleting their number and blocking them from your socials. Don’t feel bad, you’re doing this for your own sanity and well-being! You will never be able to move on if you’re in touch with the person you want to forget. [Read: How to stop your ex from contacting you repeatedly]
6. Rebound *when you’re not ready*
We’ve all probably had a few rebounds immediately after a breakup – that’s normal. However, what’s destructive is when you rebound way too fast. For example, if you just broke up last night and are already having rebound sex with someone, you’re setting yourself up for a world of pain!
The whole point of rebound sex is to get under someone else to get over your ex. It works for some, and it doesn’t work for others. But no matter what, you’ll still have to wait until you’re emotionally stable before jumping into bed with someone else.
If you’re not mentally prepared for a rebound relationship *which may take at least a few weeks*, you may have great sex, but you’ll still feel hollow and used by another person. It’s just not worth the risk, not at least until you feel emotionally prepared for some fun with no strings attached. [Read: 13 rebound sex questions you need to ask yourself before you sleep with someone new]
7. Make impulsive decisions
Ah yes, we’ve all made pretty impulsive decisions when we’re going through a breakup and when we feel like our hearts are crushed and broken. It doesn’t matter how angry, devastated, or hurt you are over the breakup, just don’t make this mistake.
It’s not an excuse to trash their car, quit your job, or do something so reckless and out-of-character that you’ll likely regret it immediately. So save yourself from a lot of trouble and hold yourself back from making life-altering decisions when you’re hurt. [Read: 32 crazy things to do with friends: Life is short, live it up!]
8. Go down the self-destructive path
It’s so easy to shut off our emotions and go down the self-destructive path when we’re hurting from a breakup. But if you’re serious about learning how to get over your ex, try to clear your mind and calm down instead. You will regret destroying yourself just to cope with a breakup after you eventually heal from it.
As uncomfortable and painful as it feels, you really do need to feel your emotions to manage accordingly. This is the best way to get over your ex without destroying yourself in the process. [Read: How to stop self destructive behavior & change your life for good]
How to get over your ex in the healthiest way possible
Now that you know the worst things you can do when trying to figure out how to get over your ex, here are some helpful tips that can guide you towards a healthier recovery.
These are the things that will take you from stalking their profile while crying into a tub of ice cream to being a relatively happy single person in the fastest and healthiest way possible.
1. Take a social media detox
This will help you avoid seeing your ex and all the other seemingly happy couples. We would recommend hiding your ex from your feed or even blocking them. We know it seems harsh, but it will benefit you the most. The more of a clean break you make, the better.
Any lingering posts or reminders can inhibit your ability to look forward instead of back. So stop stalking your ex and becoming more obsessed with them than you already are. We know everything hurts, but spending hours on their socials won’t help. [Read: How to take a social media detox and wean yourself off social media for a while]
2. Do things alone
This sounds sad, but it will help you. All the things you did together as a couple, do them alone. We’re not saying you should get used to it because you’ll be alone forever. Instead, what we’re saying is that you should readjust your routine. The sooner you do this, the more you will feel comfortable with this newness.
This helps you learn how to be alone and feel more independent, especially after you just got out of a relationship with them. When you spend time by yourself, you allow yourself to adjust to a life without them. [Read: What to do after a breakup and start to feel like yourself again]
3. Break the cycle
Whether you’ve broken up and gotten back together before or not, take steps to prevent any chances of an on-off relationship. Breaking up is rarely a mistake, so stick to your guns. Delete their number. Talk to a friend instead whenever you’re feeling weak and want to message your ex.
Find ways of breaking the cycle of reliving the good days. Remember that you broke up for a reason, so hold on to that reason when you want to contact them again. Be strong enough to break the cycle altogether. [Read: On-off relationships and all the reasons why you should never be in one]
4. Make plans
Making firm plans for the future without your ex will remind you of what you have ahead of you. Make plans to go out with friends. Make vacation plans. Knowing you are doing things and moving forward without them will help you stop thinking about them.
A focused plan gives you so much to hope and live for, despite enduring a breakup.
5. Focus on what you deserve
We know this sounds cheesy, but we’re serious. Right now, if you’re struggling to get over your ex instead of focusing on what you miss, focus on what you deserve. That could be as specific or as general as being happy. This isn’t you be entitled; this is you trying to survive a breakup.
So if you want to learn how to get over your ex, remember what you deserve. You deserve to be in a thriving and happy relationship, but you also deserve to be happy again, even without them. [Read: Why we accept the love we think we deserve]
6. Let go of the fantasy
Live and think in reality. When you go through a breakup, you constantly think about all the plans you made with them. Maybe you were supposed to get married or live together. You think about what your life could’ve been with them. Instead, you’re forced to accept the reality that those things are not going to happen, at least not with your ex.
You have to live in and bind yourself to what is happening. Maybe you have to find a place of your own. Maybe you have to get back into the dating scene. Whatever it is, accept the outcome and keep moving forward.
You can’t keep holding on to this idea in your head you wanted to be your reality. Sometimes, things don’t work out, and that’s okay. [Read: The definitive signs your ex really doesn’t want you back]
7. Appreciate it
This is the final step and it could take you a while to come to terms with it. But once you can tick this off your steps in learning how to get over an ex, you are truly over your ex!
When you go weeks or even months without thinking about them, you’re doing well. And if they cross your mind, you should be able to appreciate what that relationship brought you. Maybe you have some good memories from when you traveled with them. Maybe they taught you how to stand up for yourself. Or maybe the breakup pushed you in the right direction.
Whatever it is, you should be able to appreciate that time for what it was. Once you can do this, you are completely over your ex. The moment you stop being bitter over them is when you’ve learned how to get over your ex. [Read: How to get over a broken heart and heal yourself completely]
8. Give yourself time
They say time heals all wounds, and there’s no bigger truth. You need to give yourself all the time you need to move on and heal from everything that hurt you. If you want to learn how to get over your ex, don’t try and rush the process.
It can take months or as much as a year to move on from your ex, depending on the person and how much they meant to you. And if this person was someone you imagined to be with for life, allow yourself the time you need to grieve the loss and get over them.
9. Learn from the lesson
Every relationship leaves a lesson, so if you want to move on healthily, learn from the lessons it left in your life and imprinted in your heart. If you don’t learn from it, you can’t appreciate everything you’ve been through in your relationship.
If you want to stop being angry and bitter towards your ex, reflect on the lessons and learn from them. Don’t ignore them, as this is how you’ll grow to become more mature and a better partner in your next relationship.
[Read: 12 things about love you’ll only learn from experience]
So, how to get over your ex?
Getting over your ex might feel like an impossible task right now, but you’ll eventually get through it. And with some strength and determination, you can prove to yourself that you’re stronger than your heartbreak.
And most importantly, you’ll learn to adjust to a life and a future without your ex in the picture.
Following these steps on how to get over your ex may seem scary right now. But you have to do this for yourself, and for your future. There is nothing to be gained by living in the past. But when you focus on your future, you’ll see that a whole world of new possibilities await you.
The post How to Get Over An Ex: 17 Steps to Heal ASAP in the Healthiest Way is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.
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