What Makes a Good Friend: 15 Traits We Desperately Seek in a Friend

What makes a good friend to you? Everyone’s idea is a little different but there are some standard traits that add up to top friendship status.

Everyone needs friendship in their lives. A good friend will carry you through the hard times and be by your side throughout it all. Most of us think we’re the best friend possible, but do you really know what makes a good friend?

You don’t have to have a huge squad of friends to feel blessed in the friendship department.

It’s true that quality is far more important than quantity. If you only have one or two really good friends, consider yourself very lucky indeed. There are far too many people out there who call themselves good friends but they’re actually super-toxic. Understanding the traits to look for in a friend helps you avoid those people like the plague.

Of course, you’re probably already thinking of a few no-brainer entries on the list of what makes a good friend. Some of them you might not actually think of first hand.

For example, a true friend isn’t afraid to be honest with you at all times, whether you like their opinion or not. Sometimes tough love is a true pillar of friendship.

[Read: Good friends are like stars – 18 ways to build lasting friendships]

Why is friendship so important?

So, why is friendship so important in the first place? Basically, we all need friends to be happy, supported, and healthy. Without friends, you’d be pretty lonely, and loneliness is a slippery slope to go down.

Friends help you to remember what is important in life. They lift you up when you’re struggling and they tell you what you need to hear, not only what you think you want to hear.

A day with a true friend can take you out of a perpetual funk and remind you of why it’s so important to smile. Basically, without friends in your life, you’ll become pretty miserable.

But, it’s equally as important to know that you need to look for quality and not numbers. You don’t need people stabbing you in the back when you’re not looking. By understanding what makes a good friend, you can attract more of the good ones in your life and know when to avoid the ones who simply try to act a certain way.

[Read: Bad friends – 25 kinds of friends you MUST unfriend from your life]

What makes a good friend? The most important signs to look out for

To help you figure out what makes a good friend to better your own friendship skills, let’s check out the main aspects of true friendship. How many can you tick off from the get-go?

1. The ability to make you laugh, no matter how you feel

A true friend is someone who puts a smile on your face to take your mind from any heartache or negativity you might be feeling. Of course, they also know exactly what to say or do to raise that smile. They know you inside out.

It takes compassion and empathy to recognize when a friend is in need, and it takes strength of character to be able to hold them up and make them smile.

Is this something you do on a regular basis? If not, work out their sense of humor hotspots, and use them wisely, when required. [Read: How to be a good friend by following the ideal BFF code]

2. Selflessness when you need them the most

What makes a good friend different from all the rest lies in their ability to be there for you when required. Of course, this doesn’t mean they should always drop absolutely everything to be at your doorstep whenever you have a bad day. But it does mean that when you really need them in the hard times, they’re there for you, whether in person or on the end of a phone.

How many times in the recent past have you been selfless with your friends in need? Most of us find it easy to have too much on our own plates. Sometimes a friend in need is someone you need to be there for, above all else. [Read: How to stop being selfish – 20 ways to stop hurting and using others]

3. They do their best to understand you

We’re all different. For instance, you may have a friend that is a very different personality from you. Despite that, you do your best to understand them and love them for their differences. That’s what makes a good friend.

If we were all the same, life would be very boring indeed. By allowing ourselves to see different character traits and accept and appreciate them, we learn to become better friends and more accepting of people in general.

4. They love to hep you celebrate your successes

A friend who will be by your side through good and bad is a true godsend. Of course, we all highlight the fact a true friend is there when things aren’t going well, but what about when things are wonderful?

Most people disappear at these times, either through jealousy or because they simply don’t care. It’s sad, but true.

On the other hand, what makes a good friend is the ability to genuinely want to celebrate your successes with you. They take just as much joy in you succeeding, as you do! [Read: What is a best friend? 15 signs you’ll never find someone better]

5. The ability to really listen

We all think we’re good listeners. Most of us aren’t.

If you find yourself drifting off when someone is explaining something to you, thinking about what you’re going to make for dinner, or something else entirely, you’re probably part of the majority. What makes a good friend is really about the ability to listen, not only to words but also to the things not being said.

They will be able to read your body language and put together what you’re saying with the things they’re noticing. As a result, they know how you’re really feeling. They’ll offer advice and guidance based on that.

Take the time to notice the body language of the person speaking to you, their tone, and speed of voice, and put it all together. By doing this, you can be there for someone who needs you, even if they don’t admit that they do. [Read: How to be more empathetic and 16 ways to make anyone feel instantly understood]

6. They have your back, whether you’re there or not

Let’s be honest, we live in rather bitchy times. There aren’t many friends who will have your back whether you’re with them or not. If they hear someone talking badly about you when you’re not around, would they go over and back you up? Probably not.

What makes a good friend quite literally amazing is the ability to stick up for you through thick and thin.

You’re their lobster, to quote a Friends episode, but in a strictly friendship-based way. This is a friend you should keep in your life no matter what. [Read: 50 nice things to say to your friend to brighten their day]

7. Loyalty in the face of adversity

Humans are selfish. We all are. That means that sometimes we find it hard to put the best interests of others before our own. Of course, sometimes you should put your own interests first, but not always. A friend who is loyal to you and sticks by you is precious.

What about being loyal in the face of adversity?

Would they put their own needs before yours all the time? This is something to think about, and something for you to explore in terms of what you would do for your own friends. [Read: Why flaky friends are the worst kind of friends you can ever have]

8. Valuing the friendship above all else

What makes a good friend? Understanding the value of friendship from the get-go. How important is friendship in your life? Do you lean on it and cherish it, or do you simply assume it will be there regardless of what life throws at you?

A true friend is someone who values your friendship and understands the importance you bring to their life.

Examine how you feel about the friendships in your life. Do you feel you could live without them? If so, maybe they’re not as special as you think they are, or maybe it’s your take on what friendship is, which needs a slight adjustment. [Read: The real art of true and meaningful relationships]

9. Honesty, whether you want to hear it or not

A true friend will tell you the truth, whether you want to hear it or not. This is tough love, something we all need occasionally.

Maybe you have a burning crush on someone, but your friend is warning you off. You might wonder if they’re trying to rain on your parade? If your friend then sits you down and tells you that this person doesn’t like you that way and they know it for a fact, they’re doing it because they care.

They’re attempting to stop you from making a fool of yourself or putting yourself in an embarrassing situation. You might not like it, but it’s for your own good. Your friend knows this. [Read: Being brutally honest – 13 scenarios when it’s an obligation]

10. They support you and encourage you to do better

A true friend will always be your biggest cheerleader. They’ll push you to do things even when you don’t believe in yourself and they’ll give you the strength you need to keep going.

They won’t stand for any “but I can’t do it” nonsense, they’ll tell you straight that you can!

11. You can trust them completely

You know that if you tell your friend anything, it won’t go any further. It will remain between the two of you forever.

They aren’t going to share your secrets or do anything which compromises your trust. You can trust them completely and it’s a wonderful feeling to have. [Read: Be careful who you trust – 15 ways to recognize the backstabbers]

12. They don’t let arguments fester

A good friend won’t let an argument between the two of you go on for too long. Of course, you’re going to argue sometimes, it’s normal, but it won’t turn into a major problem.

Instead, you talk it over and get through it. Or, you just laugh about it – more likely!

13. Spending time with them makes you feel good

When you spend time with a good friend, they raise you up and make you feel happy. The bond you have between you is a true feel-good factor and it helps you to overcome anything that life throws at you. You know you have a good friend when you can sit in silence and still feel comfortable. [Read: How to have fun with friends – 40 ways to beat boredom]

14. You can simply be yourself around them

When you’re around someone who is a close friend, you can just be yourself. You don’t feel the need to be someone you’re not or act a different way. You’re both just who you are and you know that you’re accepted and happy.

You feel calm and centered when you’re with them and it allows you to open up and talk about anything, knowing that you’ll never be judged.

15. They don’t expect too much from you

A good friend will never ask for too much. They’ll never push you to do something that you’re truly not happy or comfortable with either.

If someone does this, know that they’re just not a good friend and they don’t know you at all. When you’re in the company of a good friend, they’ll challenge you, for sure, but they’ll never make you feel awkward or uncomfortable. [Read: How to tell if a friend is toxic and brings unhappiness to your life]

Good friends are like stars …

You’ve no doubt heard the saying about good friends being like stars. Basically, it means that you don’t need to be around them all the time to know that they’re there. That’s often the case with the busy lives we lead these days.

When you have a good friend in your life, you know that you can pick up the phone and it will be like you’ve never spent any time apart.

That’s how you know you’ve got a true friend in your life. [Read: Real friends v fake friends – 21 ways to instantly tell them apart]

If you need to constantly be around each other and demand too much, that’s not a good sign. A good friendship feels comfortable and warm. Of course, you have to put the work in because it’s a relationship at the end of the day, but you don’t need to work so hard. You have each other’s backs and you know one another inside out. If there’s a problem, you talk through it and fix it. There’s no need to stress or push anything.

So how many of these friends do you have in your life? And more importantly, can you see yourself as this friend? After all, you can’t expect to get a true friendship if you’re not giving your friend the same in return!

[Read: The 15 qualities that set a good friend apart from the average ones]

What makes a good friend isn’t all about squads and the ability to look great on a joint selfie. It’s about valuing what friendship is at its very core: loyalty, compassion, empathy, and honesty.

The post What Makes a Good Friend: 15 Traits We Desperately Seek in a Friend is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.