Phubbing: What It Is, 18 Reasons Why We Phub & Ways to Stop It ASAP

Phubbing. Have you heard of this word? If you haven’t, you probably know what it is. Either you have done it to other people or have had it done to you.

Curious yet? Well, let’s start by talking about what phubbing actually is.

What is phubbing?

“Phubbing” is a funny-sounding word, and many people still may not have heard of it. So, let’s start by defining what exactly this term means.

Just a little bit of history here – the term was invented in May of 2012 by an Australian advertising agency. They felt the need to create a word that described the growing phenomenon of people ignoring friends in favor of using their phones when they are face-to-face.

In other words, you are “snubbing” the person(s) you are with because you are choosing to be on your phone instead. As I said earlier, the word is actually a combination of “phone” and “snubbing.”

Pretty much everyone does it these days, so what’s wrong with it? Hey, it’s just become a social norm. Well, yes, yes, it has.

But just because it’s a social norm, does that make it okay? Or good? Or helpful? There are tons of social norms that do not make our lives better. [Read: 24 truthful signs your friend doesn’t respect you or care enough]

No one likes being phubbed and yet so many do it

Many people don’t like it. And because of that, there was even a “Stop Phubbing” campaign that was developed not too long after the term was created, because it had become a real problem in relationships.

Regardless of whether you had ever heard of phubbing before, you are probably very familiar with the behavior. Whether it is you who are guilty of it – or other people you know – I’m sure you know all too well what phubbing is.

Studies have shown that around 32% of people “phub” others on a daily basis. Now, you might be thinking, “So what? What’s the big deal? Everyone does it!” Well, in some ways you are right. It has become a common cultural behavior. But does that make it good? Or right?

Some of the same studies have found that phubbing is not good for people’s mental health. I mean think about it. When someone “phubs” you, does it make you feel good? Do you feel liked or loved by that person? Probably not – because they are essentially ignoring you. And that never makes anyone feel good.

The key here is awareness. I’m not saying that all people who engage in phubbing are bad human beings. They are probably perfectly nice people. However, the problem is that they don’t know that their behavior has a negative effect on other people. [Read: The raw psychological effects of being ignored by someone you love]

Why do we phub people?

Since smartphones came out in 2007, the world has changed in so many ways. Not only do we, quite literally, have a small computer in our pocket, but it has also changed how we interact socially as well.

One of the side effects of having a smartphone with you all the time is the ability to multi-task – and not in a positive way. In social settings, having your phone in front of you at all times acts as something that can “seduce” you at any moment. It’s always a temptation to look at it.

Whether the reason is a good one – such as looking up the history of something that you are talking with a friend about or whether it’s to scroll through social media when you should be talking, it’s difficult for a lot of people to resist looking at their phones.

Sometimes phubbing happens just because your mind is wanting to go in a million different directions, or you want to stay up on the latest on social media. But there are some other serious reasons that people may engage in phubbing as well.

Some studies suggest that people who are depressed or have social anxiety are more likely to phub their friends. [Read: Social anxiety or shyness – How to decipher what exactly you feel when you’re talking to someone]

The main reasons behind phubbing

One potential reason for phubbing is that people have gotten more used to interacting with others from behind a screen instead of in person. In other words, it has become safer for them to phub someone, and has also become a bad habit.

Other reasons for phubbing could include certain personality characteristics. People who tend to be selfish and/or have narcissistic tendencies are more likely to phub other people.

Why would they do this? Because they are only thinking of themselves. They don’t think about how their behavior is making other people feel. Instead, all they care about is the fact that their needs and desires are getting fulfilled at the moment. They either don’t think about – or don’t care – how their behavior makes other people feel. [Read: Why do narcissists ignore texts and do the selfish things they do]

How does phubbing affect a relationship?

Negative behaviors that are only occasional don’t always have a long-lasting bad effect on relationships. However, if the behaviors continue and become chronic, then relationships can fall apart. It’s for this reason that we all really need to be very aware of our behaviors and how they can affect other people.

Phubbing might not be the only thing that can damage a relationship, but it is probably the symptom of larger problems.

For example, as I mentioned above, a person who is guilty of phubbing on a regular basis might be very self-oriented and not other-oriented. In other words, they only think about themselves, and not other people.

As you can imagine, if this becomes a constant theme in a relationship, the person who is less selfish will grow increasingly resentful. And as a result, it could damage or even end your relationship. [Read: Are you selfish in the relationship? 19 ways you could be a user without realizing it]

Even if phubbing is only occasional, it always sends this message: “My phone *or what is on my phone* is more important than you. I would rather interact with an inanimate object than engage with you. You are insignificant to me.”

And that is a bad message to send.

[Read: Why do people always ignore me? 20 possible reasons you need to think about]

Why phubbing is bad

Most people are not conscious of their behavior, and more importantly, the consequences of phubbing. So, it’s most likely that if you are guilty of phubbing, you might not have given it any thought as to why it’s bad. So, let’s take a look at this list, and then you’ll find out why.

1. It is rude

Let’s say you are out with a friend for dinner. You haven’t seen each other for a while, and you have a lot to catch up on. But instead of listening to you – and I mean really listening – they have their phone on the table and look at it every time it goes off.

And, on top of that, they don’t even apologize and say, “Oh gosh, I’m so sorry, but I need to respond to this text/take this call because it’s super important. Then I’ll put it away.”

Instead, they just expect you to sit there and wait patiently until they are done texting or talking to whoever is on the other end of their phone. How does that make you feel?

Well, it should make you feel like crap. Because what they’re really saying with that phubbing behavior is, “You don’t matter to me as much as the other person on my phone.” It’s just plain rude. [Read: Am I a bad friend? The bad friendship skills that push people away]

2. It shows that you have no empathy

So, in the above scenario *which happens all the time*, you may or may not even be annoyed with them. Maybe you’re so guilty of phubbing too that you don’t even notice it. But you should. Because it’s not thinking about the other person.

Hey, if they are spending time with you in person, it’s usually because they want to be with you and talk to YOU. And if you’re ignoring them, then you are not seeing it from their point of view, which is the definition of empathy. Have some respect and empathy for the person you’re with and stop phubbing. Is your Instagram feed so much more important than the person sitting in front of you? [Read: How to be more empathetic and 16 steps to make anyone feel heard and understood]

3. It shows you value technology over people

You might not even be talking to someone else at the other end of your phone. You might just be surfing the internet or mindlessly scrolling through Facebook.

Either way, the outcome is the same – you are not paying attention to the person you’re with. You’re valuing technology more than the person who has graced you with their presence.

4. You lose your social skills

If you don’t use it, you lose it. We all know that’s true of a lot of things like, say, your muscles. The more you work out, the bigger they get.

The same is true of anything – even social skills. The more you resort to “communicating” through technology and not face-to-face, the worse you’ll get at it. [Read: How to communicate in a relationship – 16 steps to a way better love]

5. No one likes it

I know, I know, many people will say they really don’t care and that it’s just normal for someone to be phubbing.

But come on, people! Be honest. Do you like to be ignored by other people? I know I don’t! I deserve people’s attention and respect. And so, I expect it from them.

I have literally stopped hanging out with some friends because of their phubbing habits. It’s awful.

6. It disconnects people

How do you expect to have good, quality relationships with people if you don’t really connect with them face-to-face? You can’t. It will only lead to more and more disconnection from our fellow human beings.

You can’t have a great relationship with someone when you spend 99% of your time on the phone when you’re together. You just can’t. [Read: Selfish people – 20 ways to spot and stop them from hurting you]

7. It decreases relationship satisfaction

Whether it’s a friendship, romance, or marriage, there is evidence that phubbing makes people less happy in their relationships. It makes sense, doesn’t it? Relationships are supposed to be built on love and respect. And phubbing conveys none of that.

Because phubbing means you are giving less attention to the person you are with, this automatically makes people more upset with the people in their lives – regardless of the type of relationship.

8. It lowers the quality of your interactions with people

Back in the “old days” *before the emergence of the internet and cell phones*, people didn’t have a phubbing problem. If they were together with another person, there was no choice but to talk and interact with them, because there were no competing distractions.

Think about all the great conversations you might be missing out on if you are always phubbing other people. You could get to know them better, or talk about interesting topics and have a great debate! This isn’t possible when all you are doing is looking at your phone. [Read: How to hold a conversation and make people love talking to you]

How to stop phubbing

I hope by now that you are at least a little horrified by reading this. Whether you’re the one guilty of constant phubbing, or you’re surrounded by people who do it, you *and they* can stop.

It just takes a little effort. So here are some tips for how to stop phubbing.

1. When you’re with someone – anyone – keep your phone in your purse or pocket

I know it will probably be hard for you to do this if you have the habit of keeping it out 24/7. But really, it’s not that difficult. Just don’t take it out! Period. Simple. End of story. You can do it. I know you can!

2. Never, ever have your phone nearby during meal times

Let’s say you have a family or roommates that you eat with. Don’t bring your phone to the table.

Leave it in your bedroom or somewhere else. Have everyone in the house do it so that you are all phone-free and won’t be tempted to engage in phubbing. [Read: Selfishness in relationships – 15 tips to do the right thing]

3. Have self-control

I know it’s difficult to break habits. Anyone who has tried to lose weight and work out more knows that! But anything – even phubbing – can be stopped. But it all starts with you. You just have to monitor your behavior and stop yourself.

4. Hold yourself accountable

This goes hand in hand with having self-control. You need to develop an awareness of how and when *and how often* you use your phone when you’re with other people. You have to be conscious of your habits, and hold yourself accountable for your actions.

5. Have others hold you accountable

If you’re not so good at holding yourself accountable, then enlist the help of your friends and family. Tell them you’re trying to stop phubbing, and that they should too. It should be a team effort.

If everyone stops phubbing, then it won’t be tempting to look at your phone like it would otherwise, because you’re all in it together. [Read: How to change your life – 12 easy hacks for a dramatic life shift]

6. Have consequences when you are phubbing

You can either make your own personal consequences, or you can create some between you and your friends.

For example, you could make an agreement that every time you *or one of your friends* phubs the other person, then you have to pay for the next meal in a restaurant. Or you could make yourselves put a dollar in a jar every time you do it. Get creative! [Read: 15 cellphone rules every couple should follow to build trust]

7. Create a zone where no phones are allowed

If you have “no-phone zones,” then you and the people you are with will not be tempted to phub. Instead, it will just be understood that when you are in these zones, phones are off-limits. This could be at the dinner table, in the car, or at a restaurant – wherever you all agree upon.

8. Talk to others about how phubbing makes you feel

Many times, most people don’t communicate with each other about their feelings. They may just assume that others automatically know what they are feeling, so they don’t talk about it.

But it’s important to have a conversation with other people and tell them how phubbing makes you feel. Then, you can all come to an agreement and make a plan to stop doing it.

9. Turn off notifications on your phone *or silence it*

It’s very tempting to reach for your phone every time you hear a text come in, or a notification of a message on social media. Of course, it makes you curious, or even excited, to hear that someone is thinking of you and sent you a message.

But what about the person in front of you face-to-face? Turning off notifications or putting your phone on silence will help you stop phubbing.

[Read: 12 signs you’re the selfish one in your relationship]

I know that phubbing has become the norm, but it doesn’t have to be. Don’t you think it’s time that you be the better person and start modeling good behavior for others? Trust me, it will be worth it.

The post Phubbing: What It Is, 18 Reasons Why We Phub & Ways to Stop It ASAP is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

New Love: Should You Say “I Love You” First or Wait to Hear It?

A new romance is always exciting and fun. But when should you say I love you first? After all, timing is everything, or you could sabotage what you have.

Should you say “I love you” first in your relationship? Saying “I love you” for the first time in a new relationship seems like such a big deal.

It takes your relationship to a whole new level. After all, “love” isn’t just a word you throw out there. The word carries a lot of weight.

We don’t want to freak you out even more than you already are, but that is just the way it is. When you’re saying you love someone, you’re implying that you’re way past the infatuation or even admiration phase. You love them, and this word alone is a heavy one.

This is why the timing of when should you say I love you first holds a lot of importance. But this doesn’t go for all relationships.

There are some long-term relationships and even marriages that don’t even remember who said I love you first. So is it really that important? Well, that’s what you’ve yet to find out in this feature. 

[Read: When to say “I love you” for the first time in a new relationship]

Why are you scared to say “I love you” first?

We’re guessing the reason you came searching for this feature is that you want to say “I love you” for the first time but are nervous. And we totally get it. There is so much stigma when it comes to being the first person in the relationship to admit your feelings. It is a vulnerable thing to do.

You worry about being too intense, or they won’t say it back.

You worry you’ll scare them off or ruin the moment or freak them out.

It is scary. You might tell yourself that whoever says it first is the most invested. You might think that saying it first makes you weak. Or you might fear that not hearing it back could end things.

We get all of that. Those fears are all valid, but they are also entirely irrational. There is nothing logical about love. Saying I love you first doesn’t mean you’re the weaker one in the relationship or that you’re more clingy and invested.

It’s just a matter of saying what you truly feel. After all, when is love ever led by logic? Wondering should you say I love you first or wait to hear it isn’t a mathematical problem. You just say it because your heart is telling you to. [Read: 18 emotions you shouldn’t feel in a healthy relationship]

Should you say “I love you” first?

Our answer to this will almost always be yes. If you know you love this person, tell them. Forget about all those fears and say how you feel.

We know your mind races over the what-ifs now, but you don’t want to be asking yourself, “what if I just told them how I felt?” There is no right or wrong way to say “I love you” first.

We would avoid it right before or after sex for the obvious reasons, but other than that, if you feel it, say it. Love is about the matters of the heart so really, there is no right or wrong answer here.

What works for someone else might not work for you. If your gut *and obviously, heart* is telling you to tell them those three words, why not?

You can blurt it out while they’re doing the dishes. Plan a romantic dinner to say it or wake up next to them in the morning and say it. You can ease into it with a little speech or blurt it out. [Read: The first “I love you” – How to say it and get it right]

There is no way to know what their reaction will be. They could say “thank you,” “I know,” “I love you too,” or nothing. They may need some time to get to the same place as you, or maybe they were just as scared as you were and were waiting for you to say it.

Why saying “I love you” is scary

There isn’t any reason for us to warn you against saying “I love you” first. Maybe you know your partner isn’t there yet. That is okay. Let them know you are risking your vulnerability because you want them to know how you feel and are ready to hear it from them whenever they’re ready.

Perhaps you are terrified of not hearing it back right away. If that is the case, you’ll be struggling with that for a long time. Even if your partner were to say it first, your confidence in your feelings would continue to waiver. [Read: How to deal with saying you love someone and not hearing it back]

Protecting yourself from that outcome only puts off the inevitable and grows resentment. So, if you are bursting to say “I love you,” just say it. Living in fear of telling your partner how you feel is unhealthy and could start a pattern.

If you are scared to tell them something amazing like, “I love you” how will you tell them the inevitable bad news like you crashed the car or clogged the toilet?

Not saying “I love you” because you don’t want to be the first to say it adds an element of competition into your relationship where it doesn’t belong. [Read: These healthy relationship expectations define a good love life]

Saying “I love you” and being vulnerable

Okay, here’s the thing. Some people genuinely believe that being the first to say these three words means you’re softer, weaker, or clingier. In this case, these people don’t really know what love is.

When you love someone, as long as you’re convinced that what you feel is real, then you should scream it to the world and tell it to the person you love. As the saying goes – it’s much better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

Saying I love you first doesn’t mean you’ve lost, but it’s a sign you have so much courage within you. You’re fearless enough to confess your love for someone, even with the uncertainty that they might feel a range of emotions upon hearing you say those words. Because why not, when that’s how you really feel? [Read: When should you say “I love you” for the first time?]

Does it matter who says “I love you” first?

Just so you know, it really doesn’t matter who says “I love you” first. It doesn’t mean one person cares more or less. It doesn’t mean one person has more power or is stronger.

Believing in these outdated and pretty sexist ideas of saying “I love you” first removes equality from a relationship. Being scared of showing too many feelings starts the relationship wrong. [Read: 10 reasons why saying ‘I love you’ too soon sucks]

If we follow these “rules” then anyone saying “I love you” at any point would be a bad idea. Women are often told by society that if they say it first, they are losing the power in the relationship. Then if they do and don’t hear it back, they will feel crazy and anxious.

The thing is, all of this is just our fear brought on by TV, movies, and society. In reality, it is your relationship. If you can’t hold back those three little words, then don’t.

Of all the happy couples who made a big deal of saying “I love you” first and those that didn’t, they say now that it didn’t matter who said it first or second but just the fact that they both said and meant it.

So, should you say I love you first?

There’s no logical reason in the book why you shouldn’t say those three words first.

Love is an extraordinary and magical feeling, and you shouldn’t be pretending you don’t feel something you clearly do. Saying I love you first doesn’t make you weaker or more clingy. It just makes you real. [Read: Heartfelt signs the times is right to say “I love you”]

The sneaky tips to make them say “I love you” first

When you and your partner dance around the words “I love you” but never really say them, it seems that you and your partner have reached the dreaded block in your relationship.

If you’ve reached this stage where you know you love your partner, but you don’t feel like saying “I love you” first, you need to remember that you *and perhaps, your partner too* are probably being immature and egoistic.

In all probability, this may even be an ego tussle or a power game in the relationship, which isn’t good. [Read: What is a shit test and why do women use this with men?]

It’s a weird ego game to play, but if you know that you love your partner and they love you, and the only thing that’s stopping either of you from saying “I love you” first is the awkwardness of it all, then perhaps, it’s time to get a bit sneaky!

Discover how to get them to confess their feelings for you with a bit of elegance and a splash of science. And hopefully then, both of you can get past this immature stage and move on to something more real. [Read: 13 signs he’s waiting to say “I love you” but is holding himself back]

1. Limit the words “like” and other L-words

As your partner stares into your eyes, he says, “I really, really like you.” You can playfully brush them off and say, “Oh, that’s nice. I really like pepperoni pizza.” Then, with a suggestive wink, you can let them know that “like” is a word that doesn’t have a lot of meaning. So you’re making fun of it by saying it should only be used for things that are simple and easy to say.

It’s possible that they’ll figure out that you want them to use a word that’s a little more heartfelt. Like, ahem, “love,” don’t you think? [Read: Is he saying “I love you” too soon? 15 signs he doesn’t mean it]

2. Make them spill the beans with your sexy moves!

“I love you!” is what anyone will say after having a great time in the bedroom. If you want your partner to say it out, use amazing sex in your favor!

It will send them so high up on cloud nine that not only will they drop some L-bombs but they’ll also promise to do more housework, agree never to leave the toilet seat up again, and pay more attention to you during Sunday Night Football. Yes, sex does have that effect!

But here’s something to remember. Saying “I love you” during or immediately after sex can be insulting, because it shows they need an orgasm to express their love. But if you already know they love you, and you love them, it’s acceptable to use sex as an excuse to overcome the awkwardness of saying “I love you” for the first time.

Once it’s out, both of you would feel a lot more comfortable saying “I love you” to each other thereon. [Read: How to read the signs your guy honestly means it when he says “I love you”]

3. A slip of the lips follows self-disclosure

There’s something very appealing about open, honest, and transparent people. When someone we care about is willing to share personal information with us, it makes us more likely to share our feelings.

So, to get them to say the L-word, tell them something personal and secretive about yourself that will give them a complete picture of who you are.

You can talk about your fears, worries, and how you’ve had to deal with things in the past. It would help if you also talked about things that will stimulate their mind and tickle their brain.

Then, over a glass of wine, look into their eyes and ask what makes them tick or what happiness means to them. You’ll get them to say “I love you” sooner than you think if you dig through their heart, mind, and soul. [Read: How to get a guy to open up and share more with you]

4. Hypnotize them while they’re asleep

This is a weird trick that apparently works. According to neuroscientists at Northwestern University in Chicago, humans can learn new things while they sleep!

Several other studies suggest that you can even pick up a new language while you’re dozing. As they sleep, why not nudge them to eventually spill the beans by planting a minor “bug” in his ear?

Wait until your partner is alseep, and whisper sweet nothings into their ear, like, “I will communicate my emotions to [insert your name].” We know this sounds crazy but hey, they’ll definitely get the hint with this, right?

What’s the worst that can happen? They immediately wake up and hear you say “I love you!” It’s a win-win however you see it! They’d realize you were feeling shy to say it, and they may even find it cute. [Read: 25 signs he really loves you even if he doesn’t say it out loud]

5. Saturate their mind with symbols of love

When they’re with you, flood their head with images and sounds that inspire feelings of affection. To attract their interest, wear a shade of red on a date. Play a romantic comedy like Love Actually, or Crazy, Stupid, Love playing in the background. You can try the same with music as well.

If your partner asks you something, use words like “I’d love to!” or “I’d be happy to!” to stress on the L-word. Take them to places where they can relive their happiest moments. Make a heart-shaped serving dish for them when they come over to eat.

Finally, show them how much you love them by meeting their unmet emotional needs. Having their favorite fast-food order ready for them at the dinner table after a hard day at work may be a great way to show them how much they mean to you. These are all ways to connect yourself to the feelings of love. They’ll be saying “I love you” in no time flat!

6. Play a smart pictionary game with your partner

Pictionary is one of the most popular games in the world, and for a good reason. As you help your partner identify a specific word or phrase, you get to show off your fantastic sketching talents in this entertaining two-person game.

It would be an incredible idea to draw an eye, a heart, and a guy pointing towards another player at some time throughout the game. Watch them obliviously yell, “I love you!” while energized by the game’s momentum. Respond by jokingly saying, “Haha! You said it first!”

[Read: 15 relationship games for couples to feel more connected]

Now, of course, several girls have been conditioned to believe that they should never say “I love you” first. But as we said earlier, that’s just sexist. Just go on out there, and express yourself. Why resort to games when you can just be honest instead?

So, with all of this, should you say “I love you” first? Hell, yes! Wear your heart on your sleeve, and don’t be afraid to tell them you love them. 

The post New Love: Should You Say “I Love You” First or Wait to Hear It? is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

16 Lessons to Recover from a Breakup One Day at a Time & Move Ahead

Breakups will always feel like the worst as the love of your life is suddenly gone. So if you want to learn how to recover from a breakup, keep reading.

We hate to quote the cliche that time heals all wounds, but it is true… at least partly. Time does have a lot to do with it, but there are plenty of things you can do to learn how to recover from a breakup as well.

When you go through a rough breakup, it can feel like the pain will last forever, no matter the circumstances.

You can’t even see a time in the future where you will be okay. But it is there, and it will come.

There’s nothing we can say that will change the facts of what already happened or how painful it feels, but we can tell you how to recover from a breakup.

Your mindset and desire to recover from a breakup is what will get you there. As much as time helps, without the desire to move forward, you could get stuck in the aftermath of a breakup for a long time, too long.

[Read: 10 stages of a breakup and how to get through each of them]

Why you need to learn how to recover from a breakup

Whether you are coming off of a fresh breakup, anticipating one, or are single, learning how to recover from a breakup will only do you good. If you learn how to recover from a breakup now, you will take what you learned with you forever. It can help you now, in two months, or even two or ten years from now.

These are the lessons you should never forget.

After all, if you let the breakup destroy you or even stop you from falling in love again, that’s not good. We know that it can be tempting to just cry about your feelings all the time and complain about how much you miss them, but breakups happen for a reason.

Going through something as painful as a breakup and coming out the other side stonier is something you will always carry with you. If you manage to learn from the lessons the breakup is teaching you and recover from it, this experience is guaranteed to make you stronger. [Read: How to get through a breakup – 30 ways to get you back on track]

Why do relationships have to end?

We’ve all watched romance movies and fairytales that convince us love lasts forever. So every relationship we enter, we want that to be our end game.

However, the cards aren’t always in our favor. Sometimes, relationships end and fall apart. There are things out of control, and life can happen, which can cause the end of a relationship.

Maybe you’re the wrong person for one another, maybe something is lacking, or maybe one of you wasn’t ready to commit. Even as you never wanted a breakup to happen, it occurred anyway and now you’re left to deal with the aftermath.

So learning how to recover from a breakup is a necessary part of the process if you don’t want this heartbreak to define you.

Honestly, you might have trouble seeing it now, but you’ll fall in love again – multiple times after this breakup. You will love and get hurt repeatedly throughout your life. That’s what life is all about. [Read: 20 valid reasons to break up with someone]

How to recover from a breakup and face your future with happiness

When a breakup is fresh, the wound from it is still raw. You are in shock and can’t even imagine recovering. That is fine and totally normal. You need that time to grieve, but it cannot last forever.

Recovering from a breakup comes in stages. Deal with all the feelings as they erupt and continue to live your life.

Your relationship ended, your life didn’t.

1. Cry

Let out the bad stuff. You know how before you redecorate a room, you need to get rid of the bad stuff that no longer brings you joy? Well, you do the same right now.

Cry out all those tears. Think of it as purging the sadness, the anger, the shock. Let it all out. Stuff your face with junk food. Stay in bed all day. Let yourself have that time.

You have been hurt and lost something, and you deserve it. Don’t repress the pain and heartbreak you’ve been feeling.

You have to sit with your emotions if you want to know how to recover from a breakup, no matter how uncomfortable it might feel. But, just don’t let this phase last too long. [Read: The right way to survive the first 168 hours after a break up]

2. Vent

It’s always therapeutic to vent and rant your problems to someone you trust. Whether it’s a best friend, sibling, or even a co-worker, you shouldn’t hold everything inside. Talk about the breakup. Vent about your ex. Share your shock and how you feel betrayed.

That is what your friends are there for. Have some wine, order a pizza, and just dish. They are there to support you when you’re down and help lift you up once you’re ready.

We promise you; you’ll feel instantly better once you vent about your ex. Finally being able to let that out will be a big relief. [Read: How long does it take to get over someone – The exact timeline to forget old love]

3. Purge

We know we said the crying was purging, but that was emotional purging. Now we’re talking about purging stuff. Get rid of your ex’s toothbrush, their sweatshirt, anything that negatively reminds you of them can go.

Their belongings and stuff no longer have a purpose in your life, so get rid of them in whatever manner you want. It is up to you whether or not to return it to them, but keep it away from your healing space. On the same wavelength, you should probably also mute or block them from your socials.

Social media is the biggest culprit when you have a hard time moving on from an ex, so blocking them avoids any tendency to stalk them or even talk to them! You can even do something less drastic like muting them if you’re not comfortable with blocking them. [Read: Should I block my ex? 17 signs and clues to help you decide what’s best for you] 

4. Refresh

Give yourself a boost. Do something for yourself. Go shopping, go to the spa, have a weekend away with your friends.

Pamper yourself. That means something different for all of us, but do something you enjoy. Maybe that is something your ex didn’t approve of, or maybe it is something you just never got around to.

Whatever it is, do it. As cliche as it sounds, the best way to learn how to recover from a breakup is to prioritize yourself and focus on self-love. So do something that allows you to shift the focus from your ex to yourself. You can even get a haircut or go blonde if you want to!

[Read: How to heal after you’ve been hurt by someone you loved]

5. Look on the bright side

We know this is hard to do when you’re trying to learn how to recover from a breakup, but it will help. Rationalizing and looking at your situation pragmatically can actually help.

At first, the practicalness of it all will make you roll your eyes. Your emotions are often much more powerful than facts.

But if you continue to remind yourself of the positive aspects of this breakup, those thoughts will influence your feelings in time. Make a pro list of the breakup. Maybe you don’t have to deal with your ex’s annoying friends. Maybe you can watch your favorite show without complaints.

Your relationship was not perfect, no matter how much you are dwelling on the good and missing it right now. Think about what you always complained about.

If your mind can’t go there, talk to a close friend that you vent to. They will be more than happy to remind you that there are benefits to this breakup. [Read: How to be more positive – 24 steps to a dramatic and happy life shift]

6. Keep busy

This is one of the most helpful ways to recover from a breakup. Taking time off of work and moping around the house will not do you any favors. After all, when you are not preoccupied with something, your mind will return to the breakup.

You have to stay productive to avoid thinking of your ex and being consumed by missing them.

Otherwise, you’ll go back to square one, where you won’t want to get out of bed because you miss them *a lot*. Whether that is work, cleaning the house, doing your taxes, or even binge-watching the show everyone has been telling you to watch – just stay busy.

Before you know it, you’ll go weeks without your ex even coming across your mind. [Read: How to forget an ex for good – 19 proven ways to move on happily]

7. Do something for others

Now, you have already done something for yourself. But, doing something for others will make you feel even better. It will also give you perspective. Whether you help your neighbor move furniture, pay for the person behind you at the coffee shop, or donate to charity, this is a great way to use your breakup energy for something good.

When you’re focused on doing something nice for others, it puts your mind off your ex *at least for a while* and onto others. It’s a selfless act that helps you recover from a breakup.

Breakups can give us a surge of energy in many situations that are used for pettiness or revenge. But instead, focus that rage or sadness on a more positive outlet. [Read: Pay it forward – 20 positive ways to create a chain of goodwill]

8. Write it down

Journaling is one of the most therapeutic things in the world that many people overlook, and this goes for even learning how to recover from a breakup. When you write all your pain and difficult feelings down on paper, it puts things in perspective and encourages you to let go of the burden you’ve been holding inside.

Write down all of your feelings, no matter how ridiculous or pathetic you think they are. And then burn it, shred it, toss it out. Getting it all out and getting rid of it can be so cathartic.

If that isn’t enough for you, try therapy. It sounds like a lot if you aren’t used to it, but having a professional ask all the right questions and guide you in the right direction is invaluable.

9. Enjoy yourself

You are single. Instead of dwelling on the negatives of that, enjoy the benefits. You have freedom and independence that you didn’t have before. You can pick up and go on a weekend trip.

You can go on dates for fun, not for the future. Instead of seeing your heartbreak as the biggest disastrous event of your life, focus on the fact that you have freedom again.

You get to do the things you want to do again without anyone controlling you or telling you how to live your life. Enjoy this time. You can learn a lot about yourself. [Read: How to be happy being single and explore the freedom of singledom]

10. Analyze

Once the sting of the initial breakup is gone, you should be able to look back on that relationship and how it ended and learn something. Appreciate that time in your life for what it taught you. Breakups are a significant learning opportunity, only if you actually apply the lessons in them.

If you want to learn how to recover from a breakup, analyze the relationship you had, why it ended, and other significant lessons it taught you. You’re guaranteed to learn a thing or two just by reflecting and analyzing.

Think about what you want in the future and what you don’t. How can you change your behavior in the future based on what happened here? [Read: 15 very important lessons you can learn from your own breakups]

11. Let go

Once you can take positive lessons from that breakup and move forward, you know how to recover from a breakup. People we were close to once will always have a place in our hearts and memories. But, the pain of a breakup does not have to sour you forever.

At some point when you’re ready, you need to stop holding a grudge and just let it go. Accept the breakup had to happen so both of you can move forward into better relationships – ones you’re really meant to find.

But you can’t do that if you’re stuck on the wrong person, right? So let go. [Read: Letting go of someone you love – minus the bitterness]

12. Talk to supportive people

Your friends and relatives can help, but make sure you know what they can and can’t do. You might decide that professional help from therapists might be more appropriate and valuable, and they might be able to give you a more neutral and long-term view.

If a relationship is broken, they can also point out deeper patterns of behavior or thinking that the relationship may be a sign of. This way, future relationships will be healthier and happier. [Read: How to help your ex get over you, move on and find peace]

13. Sleep, eat, exercise

This is the time when it’s most important to stay on top of your regular cycle, even if you’re attempting to throw everything out your window. If you can, try to stay as close to your normal sleep and eating schedule as possible, and try to release your extra anger or energy in the gym instead.

If you can at least attempt to go through the motions, you’ll speed up the healing process and get the answer to your concerns about how to recover from a breakup. It may be hard at first, but it will help. [Read: 30 inspirational tips on how to get motivated to exercise]

14. Set up firm boundaries

People who break up often end up in an on-again, off-again, confusing relationship that almost always worsens their heartache. Many people think they should not talk to their ex about things that haven’t been worked out, but this doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do this. If you’d like, you can talk to them and seek closure. Sometimes, reconciliation may be in the cards as well. [Read: The most important rules to get back with an ex and protect your heart]

But as much as you can, you should try to stay away from that person after a breakup. It’s not very different from going through drug detox: There is a challenging withdrawal period, but it’s the only way of moving forward and recovering. [Read: The 20 best questions to ask your ex after a breakup to find true closure]

15. Read books about breakups

The silent words on a page have the ability to be relaxing in a manner that nothing else can match. It also aids in the recovery of parts of your brain that may have been shut down or stressed as a result of your emotions.

Eager to learn the tips on how to recover from a breakup? Start by reading books about breakups in a relationship and see how it will change you. [Read: The 15 best books to read after a breakup and begin your healing]

It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken, by Greg Behrendt, is a straightforward self-help book on ending a relationship. It may help you regain control of your thoughts, and will help you speed your healing process.

16. Meet new people

It is normal for a person to need between three to six months of recovery before they are ready to begin dating again after a divorce or separation. If one wants to restore one’s feeling of self-worth, it is most useful to approach the situation from this perspective.

The most important factor in establishing a successful recovery is to go forward at a gradual and systematic speed throughout the process. [Read: How to meet new people – 16 exciting ways to find a new crowd]

How to recover from a breakup

All said and done, recovering from a breakup is easier said than done.

It takes a lot of acceptance, patience, self-love, and most importantly, trial-and-error.

You won’t heal from your heartbreak overnight but eventually, there will come the day you won’t miss them as much anymore.

[Read: How long does it take to get over a breakup? The real timeline]

Hopefully, these tips have helped you gain insight into how to recover from a breakup. It won’t bend easy process, but it’ll make you stronger. And soon, you’ll be a lot happier too!

The post 16 Lessons to Recover from a Breakup One Day at a Time & Move Ahead is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

How to Trust Again & Give Someone Your Heart When You’re Scared

They say that trust is like glass. Once broken, it’s hard to fix. So if you want to learn how to trust again, we’ve got some pieces of advice for you.

Learning how to trust again is quite possibly the hardest thing you’ll ever learn. When you’ve been betrayed in some way, it’s hard to rebuild that trust, no matter how much you love them. There’s always the belief that someone will break your trust again.

If you’ve been hurt recently, it can feel like someone has taken something exceptional from you. But truthfully, what they have taken is your naivety and your faith in love.

There are two ways to go about a broken heart.

No matter what the cause, you can choose to package it up and, like a broken toe, favor it by keeping it wrapped up so tightly that nothing can harm it again.

Or, you can help your heart to mend again and strengthen it by looking at the experience objectively, seeing it for what it was, and mentally making a vow to proceed with caution next time and make sure your trust is always earned.

[Read: How to get over trust issues in your relationship and move forward]

Why should you learn how to trust again?

As much as you believe you’re scarred for life and can never love again, that’s not the best way to face life. You need to learn to trust someone again, because not everyone will hurt you.

Yes, that betrayal and deception hurt you badly, but that doesn’t define every experience you’re going to have. You can use that pain to destroy you, or use it as a learning opportunity towards a better life.

When you love, there will always be the possibility of getting hurt. Of course, that doesn’t mean people will keep betraying your trust and turning on you. But you also can’t dwell on what has already happened.

All you can do is find a way to learn how to trust someone again so that when the next person comes, you’re able to take a leap of faith again.

If you want to forgive the same person who hurt you, and are wondering how to trust someone again and give them another chance, here are two features we’d recommend you read instead of this one – How to forgive someone – 15 positive ways to unburden your mind and should you give someone a second chance or should it be truly over?

How to trust again: The steps you need to learn

The funny thing about learning how to trust again is that until someone betrays it, it’s so naturally easy to give.

Once stung, however, it becomes more difficult with each new insult. Here are the steps you can take to help you move on from a hurtful situation and learn to give your trust to someone new.

[Read: How to love again after being hurt by the one you love]

1. Recognize that you are still alive and kicking

Nothing is more emotionally scarring than someone who doesn’t live up to your trust. But in the end, you have to take stock and see that no matter how hard it was to get through being cheated on, lied to, or talked about behind your back, you are still alive and kicking.

That old saying, “That which doesn’t kill us makes us stronger,” is real. Before you say that you’ll never trust someone else again, you still have so much life and future ahead of you.

So you can only learn how to trust again when you remember you’re still alive. You still have so much time to trust someone else again. [Read: How to be happy in life and live life to the fullest]

2. Moving on is the best revenge

Right now, you may be thinking about ways to get back at the person who betrayed your trust. Often, we think about how we can make someone feel the way they have made us feel. We try to find a way to get inside their heads and do to them what they’ve done to us.

But the best revenge is moving on and being happy.

We assure you, you’ll end up feeling worse than you initially did when you seek revenge. Because really, it won’t change the facts. All it does is build more anger and resentment in your heart, which isn’t healthy.

Even if someone discarded you, cheated on you, or did something really awful, showing them that you are stronger than you appear, have more integrity than they do, and that you will be better off without them is the best way to find it within yourself to move forward and trust again. [Read: How to move on and deal with a breakup with a smile]

3. Don’t give of yourself as freely next time

When we’re naive, it’s easy for people to betray us. Take this as a learning opportunity and be wiser the next time around. This doesn’t mean you should never open up at all; that’s not what we’re implying. Instead, if you want to learn how to trust again, don’t give all of you to the next person immediately.

When someone mistreats us, we like to feel as if we were utterly powerless in the situation.

Seeing it as someone else’s fault rather than ourselves absolves us of any guilt or responsibility in our own pain. Likely, your intuition told you there was something wrong long before you found out what they were doing to betray your trust.

When you do find someone to love again, make sure that they are worthy of your trust. Don’t ever ignore the red flags, even if your gut instinct tells you something is clearly off. [Read: 34 very big relationship red flags most people overlook early on]

4. Think about all the things you gain from trusting

There are many people in your life whom you have trusted. Don’t let one person determine how you maneuver through the rest of your life. Even if it was a bad situation, using that one experience to determine everything that will ever happen after negates all the love and support that you have from other people in your life.

Everyone, and we mean everyone, will get hurt a couple of times while alive.

You can’t let one bad relationship overpower all the lovely ones that have graced or that will grace your life. Your past does not dictate your present, no matter what. But it will define you if you keep holding on to that experience. [Read: 18 foundations of a relationship that separate the good & the bad]

5. Stop blaming yourself

Okay, this is a crucial one. If you want to learn how to trust again, self-blame is not the way to go.

You won’t achieve anything if you keep taking the weight of the blame. If you believe that you are a good person and can find someone who will return your love in the same manner, you will be open to finding love again.

[Read: How self-respect affects you and your relationship]

If, on the other hand, you think that you had some part to play in getting hurt, then you will see it as potentially happening again. You didn’t do anything to deserve what you got, and if you open your heart up again to someone more deserving, it’ll be less likely to happen again.

You will never learn to trust again if you keep blaming yourself and thinking everything that happened to you was entirely your fault. [Read: How to love yourself – The 23 best ways to find self-love and happiness]

6. It’s okay that things change

Often, we wish for just one second that the world would stop spinning. What’s good today has the potential to go wrong tomorrow. The good news is that what is hurtful at the moment will be less so in a couple of days and will only get better from there.

Wanting to return to the past to sort out what happened, stop the situation from coming to fruition, or freezing the good in time just isn’t possible. We move from one relationship to another throughout our lives. That is not a bad thing.

Sometimes, you have to learn to let go and recognize that everything changes, both good and bad, and that is okay. Change might seem scary, but it’s part of life. It’s often what you need to learn how to trust again. [Read: 12 steps to change your life and find happiness]

7. Be honest about what happened

When you do decide to love again, the best way to enter into a new relationship is to be open and honest about what you have been through.

Sure, maybe this isn’t first date chatter, but when things begin to get a little more intimate, it’s a good idea to let them know what has happened in your past.

If you don’t explain to them what perspective you are coming from, they may misread your trepidation or read your need to keep yourself closed off as something lacking in them. You don’t need to be transparent right away, but you’re going to have to tell them at some point.

This is always a scary part of a new relationship, but it’s necessary to build any type of connection with someone. Remember, your new relationship has nothing to do with your old one, so don’t take it out on them.

If you take things slowly and are open and honest about your battle wounds, and if they are willing to slow things down and take it one step at a time, you can build trust back together. [Read: Pistanthrophobia and your deep fear of trusting someone]

8. Take a look at the big picture

You might not see it now, but there’s always a bigger picture. Think about why someone was able to hurt you. Being in love with someone or giving yourself wholly to another human being is what we were all put here to do.

But if you choose to keep yourself hidden from the world and not trust anyone to come into your life or heart, you will be sacrificing the feeling of love and the connection you can have with someone else.

Love and relationships are a matter of a leap of faith. If you never take that leap, you won’t get anywhere. [Read: Moving on! 9 upbeat songs to get over your lost love]

9. Embrace vulnerability

Vulnerability is one of your best traits. When we put ourselves out there and show that we are vulnerable, we think we are taking needless risks, but this isn’t true. And this won’t help if you want to learn how to trust again. 

If you want to live a good life, you have to mess things up a little. Putting up walls to hide behind may sound like a good idea, but those walls don’t care if you have good or bad feelings. Sometimes, you could be your own worst enemy, and staying isolated won’t help you in any way. And sometimes, showing love to others is the only way to free yourself and give meaning to your life.

How do you show love? By choosing to put your heart into someone else’s hands.

Be honest with someone close to you, like a family member or friend. Whether you know it or not, you trust them implicitly. The fact that they open up to you and you open up to them shows trust in an authentic way, and it reinforces the idea in your head that trusting people is a good thing. [Read: What does it mean to be vulnerable? 15 ways you can open up more]

10. Allow time to grieve

Do you have to go through the whole process of grieving after someone has hurt you? Yes, of course! That’s normal.

You are sad because you miss the time you had with that person. You’re sorry about the person you thought you knew but who turned out to be someone else. You are sad about the past and the future you thought you would have with them.

Grieving usually goes through these five stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally, acceptance. These are the typical stages. Make sure you don’t fight through these stages because they are all natural and essential. [Read: 5 stages of grief in divorce and everything else in between]

11. Don’t label yourself as “The Victim”

It’s effortless to feel bad for yourself after you get hurt. Do your best to finish it up quickly, even if you need to stay in bed for days and eat ice cream and cry when you watch sad love stories on TV.

Let go of the pain of being betrayed, and don’t let it get the better of you if you want to learn how to trust again. If you only focus on blaming the person who caused the problem, you become the person who is the victim. Even though they might have hurt you and broken your trust, you’re not to blame for that!

You aren’t theirs. You are not the person who was hurt. You are not a victim, and you are not a victim of anything. As long as you let it, the “victim mentality” can spread to every part of your life. It can make you lose your self-confidence and self-worth, and that can make you feel bad about yourself.

When the person is no longer in your life, do you want to give them that kind of power over you? Could you make an effort to get through it?

Yes, you can get through it. You have more control over your life than you think, even though you don’t think so. Give yourself a break. [Read: Playing victim – 13 signs & reasons why it makes your life way worse]

12. Consider the future possibilities

Yes, you were indeed head over heels in love with the last person. It’s clear, though, that fate has other plans for you. It may be difficult for you to consider right now, but there is someone out there that is clearly a better match for your needs.

Think about who you will meet and how you will get to know each other in the future. There may have been a breakup for another relationship to start. In your mind, think about all of the firsts that are coming up: the moment you see someone for the first time, the first words you say, the first butterflies, the first kiss, the first time you realize how in love you are.

Get excited about these firsts.

Excitement will make you want to live in the moment and let other people get close to you. You may miss out on an amazing person if you don’t trust them again. [Read: 12 life questions to help you visualize your future]

13. Tell your story

It will happen one day, but when you find the right person and you feel ready to trust them, make sure you tell them about your past experience and your fear of heartbreak.

During the start of a new relationship, it’s good to be honest with each other. You may also find that the person you’re meeting has the same fears and stories as you do. At times, it can be hard to learn how to trust again and be vulnerable after a lot of pain. You think it’s better to stay alone with the only person you can really trust *yourself*.

However, relationships and human connections are important to have a good life.

We wouldn’t be able to enjoy the good times if we didn’t have to go through hard times first. So it’s best to choose to stay open and trust even after you’ve been hurt and betrayed.

[Read: Love advice: 10 lessons your own experiences can teach you]

Remember, there is no such thing as a perfect relationship. But if you’ve been dumped, cheated on, lied to, or taken advantage of, it’s not uncommon to feel like the only way to never feel that way again is to close yourself off.

Unfortunately, the heart wants what the heart wants. And it’s far better for you to learn to trust again, instead of learning to push people away.

Learning how to trust again will give you the chance to experience the beautiful and extraordinary feeling of love again. As easy as it is to build walls and keep everyone out, it won’t compare to the joy and bliss of learning to trust someone else again.

The post How to Trust Again & Give Someone Your Heart When You’re Scared is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

How to Be Fearless: 18 Ways to Set Aside Fear & Live Like a Champion

The definition of fearless isn’t having no fears, but conquering them. So learning how to be fearless will make you the kick-ass person you aspire to be!

Everyone believes fearless people have no fear. Well, that’s wrong. Everyone, no matter how fearless they may appear, experiences fear. People with courage and bravery have the same fears as you, but they push through them. They learned how to be fearless and overcome daily fears.

If you’re truly fearless, you’re probably a sociopath because everyone is scared of something! As much as everyone dreams of having no fears, it’s impossible to live a life without them.

So you see, being fearless doesn’t mean you never have fears, but it’s your ability to conquer them or how you’re able to push past your fear.

Maybe it’s being afraid of heights, but you ride that roller coaster anyway. Or it’s being scared of love, but you let yourself fall for them. That’s fearless. 

[Read: How to be mature – 25 ways to grow up and face life like an adult]

What does being fearless mean?

When you’re fearless, you face your fears head-on. Even if the thought of facing them seems scary or frightening, you go for it anyway. Being fearless doesn’t mean you’re never afraid, or nothing stops you in your tracks.

If anything, you have so many fears, but you use them to make yourself ever braver and more courageous. Fearlessness is not and will never be the absence of your fear, but it’s your ability to push through every single one of them.

When you’re consumed with the fear of tomorrow, do you dwell on that fear, or do you choose to hold on to hope? When you’re afraid of getting your heart broken, do you never fall in love, or do you take a leap of faith anyway?

When you’re worried that a meeting will end in disaster, do you run away from it or do it anyway? It takes a lot of resilience and bravery to be fearless. [Read: How to build confidence – 11 powerful changes to alter your life]

How to be fearless

So, when it comes to being fearless, it’s all about your state of mind. And once you’ve conquered one fear, there’s going to be another. That’s just life.

The point is, you’re able to grapple with this emotion and use a method that works for you in turning your fear into something conquerable. We all have something. We’re all scared of something, but we can all overcome it and learn how to be fearless. Here are a few steps that can guide you along the right path, and help you face your fears like a champion!

1. Be aware of your fears

What is it that really makes you fearful? If you don’t know what it is, then you won’t be able to overcome it. So, sit down and really think about this. For many people, living in fear is a normal way of life, and they don’t even realize it.

So, don’t assume you can overcome this over a cup of coffee. Write your fears down and really self-reflect. Really think about your fears and don’t hold back. Even if it’s a small fear *of answering the phone when someone calls!*, you still need to write them down. [Read: How to improve yourself – 16 powerful secrets of self-improvement]

2. Look at what fuels your fears

This part isn’t going to be fun, it means you must look at your life and what’s caused your fears. Is it because your father abandoned you as a child? Is it because you didn’t graduate college?

Just because you feel fear, it doesn’t mean something negative will happen to you.

It could simply be because of a past situation that left you traumatized. Remember, everyone fears something. It’s not easy analyzing your triggers, but it’s a necessary part of the process to learn how to be fearless. [Read: How to let go of fear and live in peace]

3. Work on your confidence

Being fearless actually has a lot to do with confidence. You need to be empowered with your self-worth and confidence to become fearless. You’re scared because you don’t want a situation to repeat itself, you think you’ll fail, etc.

But this is all linked to your mental state and how you don’t think you’ll be able to conquer what is ahead of you. This is when you start looking at how you see yourself. [Read: How to build self-confidence – 16 ways to realize you’re worth it]

4. Prepare for failure

Ah, yes. This is easier said than done but there is something in particular you fear happening, which is why your fear is holding you back. But you’re not perfect, and you never will be. Here’s the thing, fearless people do not see “failure” as a failure.

They see it as an opportunity to grow and learn from their mistakes. We all mess up at some point; we’re human. What you need to do is prepare yourself for those moments when you make a mistake, that’s it. [Read: Feeling like a failure? 14 ways to find your will & change your mindset]

5. Ask for help

If you’re fearless, you know when to ask for help.

Being fearless isn’t about doing things on your own without anyone – that’s just being arrogant. We all need help at some point, and fearless people see help as something valuable.

This is what makes them stronger – when they see their need for emotional, mental, or physical help, they ask for it. Many people suck at asking for help, which is why they never learn how to be fearless. But asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness but strength. It’s time you realized that.

6. They see the future

Hey, the future they see may not turn out exactly like that, but they visualize where they want to be in life. They may not make it to that point, but the point is, they head in that direction.

They know who they want to be in the future and what they want to do. If you’re serious about learning how to be fearless, you need to be capable of seeing the future. Have a vision and know what you want to achieve in life. [Read: Why aiming high in life always leads to great results]

7. They reflect

Self-reflection is probably one of the hardest things to achieve, but it’s necessary if you want to learn how to be fearless. When stressed out, they’re not freaking out and panicking. They take some time to breathe and reflect on what’s going on.

As a fearless person, they take the time to put things into perspective in order to recognize that their fear isn’t as big as they thought.

You need to be capable of adjusting and changing your perspective to be fearless. Realize that maybe the perspective you’re holding onto is the wrong one. [Read: 10 Self-reflective questions to help stay true to yourself]

8. Be realistic in the worst-case scenarios

When scared, we don’t think clearly. In fact, we tend to blow up the situation. But fearless people take a step back and reevaluate the situation they’re in. What is really the worst-case scenario?

If you screw up your speech at work, what will happen? People will giggle, talk about it at the water cooler that day, and live their lives.

Even when it’s easy to panic and be irrational when your fear is consuming you, try your best to think logically. Fearless people know how to keep calm even amidst pressure.

9. Reward yourself

If you overcome a fear, no matter the size, reward yourself. No shit, overcoming a fear is a lot of mental and emotional work, so you need to pat yourself on your back and reward yourself for what you overcame.

Not everyone does that, but you did. It takes a lot of courage and strength to overcome your fear, so be proud of yourself! No matter how small, this is worthy of an accomplishment. [Read: How to confront and overcome your excuses to be lazy]

10. Let go of the past

This is probably one of the hardest things to do in learning how to be fearless. Letting go of the past is something we all struggle with as we tend to dwell on it. But if you want to be fearless, let go of the things that created this fear. Holding onto past fears only keeps you stuck in the past.

Let’s face it, no matter how hard you hold on to the past, you can never change what already happened. So just let it all go. [Read: How to let go of the past and be excited by the future]

11. Fear isn’t an enemy

Many people see fear as something that torments them, but this isn’t the right way to look at fear. Fearless people do not see fear as a burden but rather as an ally. Think about it, fear makes you evaluate situations around you that are in some way intense.

You need to think about why you feel this fear and if it’s rational. Make your fear your friend rather than a target. Try to see what your fear is trying to tell you, instead of constantly running away from it.

12. Make mistakes

We all make ourselves look like fools from time to time, but this shouldn’t scare you though. You’re not the only one who makes mistakes. So, embrace the moments where you may look like an idiot. It’s going to happen. Someone will laugh at you, but this is normal. You’re going to make mistakes, don’t take yourself so seriously.

Remember what we said about failure? Don’t be afraid to mess up and even embarrass yourself because that’s part of life! Embrace even the raw and awkward moments because that’s the only way you’ll learn how to be fearless. [Read: The 20 life-hacks you need to grow your confidence]

13. Talk about your fears

Like we said before, everyone is fearful of something. But no one wants to talk about it, which is really sad. Instead, we all act like we have no fears or personal issues, but everyone is terrified in reality. Talk about your fears with someone you trust, your family or friends.

You’ll see how fearful everyone else is around you. Also, talking about it reduces the burden of your fears.

You should never be dwelling on your fears alone, you know? Talk to someone you trust. Trust us; you’ll feel better afterward. [Read: How to step out and live your life to the fullest]

14. Be willing to look stupid

As soon as you’re willing to put yourself through the emotional pain of messing up, you’ll lose more fear than you ever thought possible. Everybody who has ever done something good has made mistakes at least once, and everyone who has ever been good at something also made mistakes at least once.

You don’t learn how to be fearless by worrying about how stupid you’ll look to others. It takes more than that! Some people might even risk their lives to try something new and still end up as the laughing stock in their group.

Well, guess what? They don’t give a damn what other people think because all that matters is that they tried their best, no matter what. [Read: Fear of failure and why you shouldn’t be afraid to fail]

15. Embrace the struggle

Most of us don’t want to do hard things because they make us feel like we’ve failed, and that scares us.

However, the proverb “no pain, no gain” remains true. To learn how to be fearless and improve our skills, we need to struggle. So we should embrace it. We will eventually overcome our fears if we continue to fight. [Read: 8 small ways to deal with big changes in your life]

16. Put things in perspective

Take a step back and put your negative thoughts into perspective. This is a fantastic way for being fearless: How about taking action and asking yourself: why are you frightened of anything?

Even though you are stressed out about something, life continues on its own without your participation. The importance of keeping this in mind should not be underestimated at any point in time. [Read: How to control your emotions and become the pinnacle of restraint]

17. Adopt a mindset of gratitude

When you feel afraid, try to be grateful instead. During the pandemic, we have had a lot of problems. It’s horrifying. However, it’s better to be thankful for waking up and spending another day with your loved ones than to freak out and be angry.

Yes, we know that times are tough right now and that people are giving up more and more with each passing day. Want to learn how to be fearless? Keep going, and don’t forget to show gratitude *to God, some powerful energy, or just yourself*, no matter how big or small the blessing is. [Read: How to be grateful – 20 authentic ways to appreciate and express it]

18. Communicate and share your struggles with someone

How often do we keep the bad in because we don’t want to be judged by other people? Remember that it helps to share because you will learn that many people feel the same way.

They will also have their own stories to tell. Is there something that you are afraid of? A friend can help you focus on what you want in life and where your fears stem from.

[Read: Do you feel like a failure? 14 ways to find your will and change your mindset]

How to be fearless and brave

It takes a lot of guts not to let your fears define you. Remember that no matter how scary your fears might seem, your life is on the other side of that fear.

Being fearless means that despite the many fears you have, you still manage to push through each one of them.

Now that you know what you need to do and how to be fearless, take some of these tips and put them to the test. Eventually, you’re going to live a fearless and courageous life!

The post How to Be Fearless: 18 Ways to Set Aside Fear & Live Like a Champion is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.