They say that trust is like glass. Once broken, it’s hard to fix. So if you want to learn how to trust again, we’ve got some pieces of advice for you.
Learning how to trust again is quite possibly the hardest thing you’ll ever learn. When you’ve been betrayed in some way, it’s hard to rebuild that trust, no matter how much you love them. There’s always the belief that someone will break your trust again.
If you’ve been hurt recently, it can feel like someone has taken something exceptional from you. But truthfully, what they have taken is your naivety and your faith in love.
There are two ways to go about a broken heart.
No matter what the cause, you can choose to package it up and, like a broken toe, favor it by keeping it wrapped up so tightly that nothing can harm it again.
Or, you can help your heart to mend again and strengthen it by looking at the experience objectively, seeing it for what it was, and mentally making a vow to proceed with caution next time and make sure your trust is always earned.
[Read: How to get over trust issues in your relationship and move forward]
Why should you learn how to trust again?
As much as you believe you’re scarred for life and can never love again, that’s not the best way to face life. You need to learn to trust someone again, because not everyone will hurt you.
Yes, that betrayal and deception hurt you badly, but that doesn’t define every experience you’re going to have. You can use that pain to destroy you, or use it as a learning opportunity towards a better life.
When you love, there will always be the possibility of getting hurt. Of course, that doesn’t mean people will keep betraying your trust and turning on you. But you also can’t dwell on what has already happened.
All you can do is find a way to learn how to trust someone again so that when the next person comes, you’re able to take a leap of faith again.
If you want to forgive the same person who hurt you, and are wondering how to trust someone again and give them another chance, here are two features we’d recommend you read instead of this one – How to forgive someone – 15 positive ways to unburden your mind and should you give someone a second chance or should it be truly over?
How to trust again: The steps you need to learn
The funny thing about learning how to trust again is that until someone betrays it, it’s so naturally easy to give.
Once stung, however, it becomes more difficult with each new insult. Here are the steps you can take to help you move on from a hurtful situation and learn to give your trust to someone new.
[Read: How to love again after being hurt by the one you love]
1. Recognize that you are still alive and kicking
Nothing is more emotionally scarring than someone who doesn’t live up to your trust. But in the end, you have to take stock and see that no matter how hard it was to get through being cheated on, lied to, or talked about behind your back, you are still alive and kicking.
That old saying, “That which doesn’t kill us makes us stronger,” is real. Before you say that you’ll never trust someone else again, you still have so much life and future ahead of you.
So you can only learn how to trust again when you remember you’re still alive. You still have so much time to trust someone else again. [Read: How to be happy in life and live life to the fullest]
2. Moving on is the best revenge
Right now, you may be thinking about ways to get back at the person who betrayed your trust. Often, we think about how we can make someone feel the way they have made us feel. We try to find a way to get inside their heads and do to them what they’ve done to us.
But the best revenge is moving on and being happy.
We assure you, you’ll end up feeling worse than you initially did when you seek revenge. Because really, it won’t change the facts. All it does is build more anger and resentment in your heart, which isn’t healthy.
Even if someone discarded you, cheated on you, or did something really awful, showing them that you are stronger than you appear, have more integrity than they do, and that you will be better off without them is the best way to find it within yourself to move forward and trust again. [Read: How to move on and deal with a breakup with a smile]
3. Don’t give of yourself as freely next time
When we’re naive, it’s easy for people to betray us. Take this as a learning opportunity and be wiser the next time around. This doesn’t mean you should never open up at all; that’s not what we’re implying. Instead, if you want to learn how to trust again, don’t give all of you to the next person immediately.
When someone mistreats us, we like to feel as if we were utterly powerless in the situation.
Seeing it as someone else’s fault rather than ourselves absolves us of any guilt or responsibility in our own pain. Likely, your intuition told you there was something wrong long before you found out what they were doing to betray your trust.
When you do find someone to love again, make sure that they are worthy of your trust. Don’t ever ignore the red flags, even if your gut instinct tells you something is clearly off. [Read: 34 very big relationship red flags most people overlook early on]
4. Think about all the things you gain from trusting
There are many people in your life whom you have trusted. Don’t let one person determine how you maneuver through the rest of your life. Even if it was a bad situation, using that one experience to determine everything that will ever happen after negates all the love and support that you have from other people in your life.
Everyone, and we mean everyone, will get hurt a couple of times while alive.
You can’t let one bad relationship overpower all the lovely ones that have graced or that will grace your life. Your past does not dictate your present, no matter what. But it will define you if you keep holding on to that experience. [Read: 18 foundations of a relationship that separate the good & the bad]
5. Stop blaming yourself
Okay, this is a crucial one. If you want to learn how to trust again, self-blame is not the way to go.
You won’t achieve anything if you keep taking the weight of the blame. If you believe that you are a good person and can find someone who will return your love in the same manner, you will be open to finding love again.
[Read: How self-respect affects you and your relationship]If, on the other hand, you think that you had some part to play in getting hurt, then you will see it as potentially happening again. You didn’t do anything to deserve what you got, and if you open your heart up again to someone more deserving, it’ll be less likely to happen again.
You will never learn to trust again if you keep blaming yourself and thinking everything that happened to you was entirely your fault. [Read: How to love yourself – The 23 best ways to find self-love and happiness]
6. It’s okay that things change
Often, we wish for just one second that the world would stop spinning. What’s good today has the potential to go wrong tomorrow. The good news is that what is hurtful at the moment will be less so in a couple of days and will only get better from there.
Wanting to return to the past to sort out what happened, stop the situation from coming to fruition, or freezing the good in time just isn’t possible. We move from one relationship to another throughout our lives. That is not a bad thing.
Sometimes, you have to learn to let go and recognize that everything changes, both good and bad, and that is okay. Change might seem scary, but it’s part of life. It’s often what you need to learn how to trust again. [Read: 12 steps to change your life and find happiness]
7. Be honest about what happened
When you do decide to love again, the best way to enter into a new relationship is to be open and honest about what you have been through.
Sure, maybe this isn’t first date chatter, but when things begin to get a little more intimate, it’s a good idea to let them know what has happened in your past.
If you don’t explain to them what perspective you are coming from, they may misread your trepidation or read your need to keep yourself closed off as something lacking in them. You don’t need to be transparent right away, but you’re going to have to tell them at some point.
This is always a scary part of a new relationship, but it’s necessary to build any type of connection with someone. Remember, your new relationship has nothing to do with your old one, so don’t take it out on them.
If you take things slowly and are open and honest about your battle wounds, and if they are willing to slow things down and take it one step at a time, you can build trust back together. [Read: Pistanthrophobia and your deep fear of trusting someone]
8. Take a look at the big picture
You might not see it now, but there’s always a bigger picture. Think about why someone was able to hurt you. Being in love with someone or giving yourself wholly to another human being is what we were all put here to do.
But if you choose to keep yourself hidden from the world and not trust anyone to come into your life or heart, you will be sacrificing the feeling of love and the connection you can have with someone else.
Love and relationships are a matter of a leap of faith. If you never take that leap, you won’t get anywhere. [Read: Moving on! 9 upbeat songs to get over your lost love]
9. Embrace vulnerability
Vulnerability is one of your best traits. When we put ourselves out there and show that we are vulnerable, we think we are taking needless risks, but this isn’t true. And this won’t help if you want to learn how to trust again.
If you want to live a good life, you have to mess things up a little. Putting up walls to hide behind may sound like a good idea, but those walls don’t care if you have good or bad feelings. Sometimes, you could be your own worst enemy, and staying isolated won’t help you in any way. And sometimes, showing love to others is the only way to free yourself and give meaning to your life.
How do you show love? By choosing to put your heart into someone else’s hands.
Be honest with someone close to you, like a family member or friend. Whether you know it or not, you trust them implicitly. The fact that they open up to you and you open up to them shows trust in an authentic way, and it reinforces the idea in your head that trusting people is a good thing. [Read: What does it mean to be vulnerable? 15 ways you can open up more]
10. Allow time to grieve
Do you have to go through the whole process of grieving after someone has hurt you? Yes, of course! That’s normal.
You are sad because you miss the time you had with that person. You’re sorry about the person you thought you knew but who turned out to be someone else. You are sad about the past and the future you thought you would have with them.
Grieving usually goes through these five stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally, acceptance. These are the typical stages. Make sure you don’t fight through these stages because they are all natural and essential. [Read: 5 stages of grief in divorce and everything else in between]
11. Don’t label yourself as “The Victim”
It’s effortless to feel bad for yourself after you get hurt. Do your best to finish it up quickly, even if you need to stay in bed for days and eat ice cream and cry when you watch sad love stories on TV.
Let go of the pain of being betrayed, and don’t let it get the better of you if you want to learn how to trust again. If you only focus on blaming the person who caused the problem, you become the person who is the victim. Even though they might have hurt you and broken your trust, you’re not to blame for that!
You aren’t theirs. You are not the person who was hurt. You are not a victim, and you are not a victim of anything. As long as you let it, the “victim mentality” can spread to every part of your life. It can make you lose your self-confidence and self-worth, and that can make you feel bad about yourself.
When the person is no longer in your life, do you want to give them that kind of power over you? Could you make an effort to get through it?
Yes, you can get through it. You have more control over your life than you think, even though you don’t think so. Give yourself a break. [Read: Playing victim – 13 signs & reasons why it makes your life way worse]
12. Consider the future possibilities
Yes, you were indeed head over heels in love with the last person. It’s clear, though, that fate has other plans for you. It may be difficult for you to consider right now, but there is someone out there that is clearly a better match for your needs.
Think about who you will meet and how you will get to know each other in the future. There may have been a breakup for another relationship to start. In your mind, think about all of the firsts that are coming up: the moment you see someone for the first time, the first words you say, the first butterflies, the first kiss, the first time you realize how in love you are.
Get excited about these firsts.
Excitement will make you want to live in the moment and let other people get close to you. You may miss out on an amazing person if you don’t trust them again. [Read: 12 life questions to help you visualize your future]
13. Tell your story
It will happen one day, but when you find the right person and you feel ready to trust them, make sure you tell them about your past experience and your fear of heartbreak.
During the start of a new relationship, it’s good to be honest with each other. You may also find that the person you’re meeting has the same fears and stories as you do. At times, it can be hard to learn how to trust again and be vulnerable after a lot of pain. You think it’s better to stay alone with the only person you can really trust *yourself*.
However, relationships and human connections are important to have a good life.
We wouldn’t be able to enjoy the good times if we didn’t have to go through hard times first. So it’s best to choose to stay open and trust even after you’ve been hurt and betrayed.
[Read: Love advice: 10 lessons your own experiences can teach you]
Remember, there is no such thing as a perfect relationship. But if you’ve been dumped, cheated on, lied to, or taken advantage of, it’s not uncommon to feel like the only way to never feel that way again is to close yourself off.
Unfortunately, the heart wants what the heart wants. And it’s far better for you to learn to trust again, instead of learning to push people away.
Learning how to trust again will give you the chance to experience the beautiful and extraordinary feeling of love again. As easy as it is to build walls and keep everyone out, it won’t compare to the joy and bliss of learning to trust someone else again.
The post How to Trust Again & Give Someone Your Heart When You’re Scared is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.
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