You’ve hit the 4 month mark and you’re loving spending time with you new beau. But what does a 4 month relationship actually mean? Is it official yet?
These days, we’re all so keen to put labels on everything. We want to know what it means and we want to be able to shout about it. But, many things can’t be labeled. Take relationships, for example. Every relationship is totally different from the next. So, if you’ve got a 4 month relationship and you’re wondering whether it’s different from a 3 month deal or even a 6 month union, you’ve got your work cut out!
There are many so-called rules to relationships that it’s no wonder we’re all confused.
The other issue is that at around 4 months, you’re kind of over the honeymoon ‘just met’ part and you might be starting to move toward something a little deeper. But, that’s not the same for everyone!
Some couples are still firmly in the honeymoon phase after 7 months! [Read: Is your relationship moving too fast? How to pinpoint your perfect speed]
Why do we need relationship labels?
In those first few months of dating someone, you’re on cloud nine, loving every second and can’t get enough of one another. But there’s another side of it too. You’re confused. You’re oh-so confused!
What does it all mean? What exactly are you? Are you in a relationship or are you still dating? There are so many questions!
The good news is that you’re not alone. This is all part and parcel of being with another person. You’re going through something that millions of people have gone through before or will go through in the time to come. There is simply no hard and fast answer to give you.
But, we should think about why we need labels in the first place. What do they give us exactly? For sure, labels give you clarity and help you to know where you stand.
But, if you’re wanting to put a label on it so that you can shout about it on social media, perhaps you need to reassess your motivation! [Read: Talking vs Dating – How to tell them apart and know your exact status]
It’s normal to have questions in a 4 month relationship
Every single relationship or dating situation on the planet is different. That’s what makes love so complicated yet wonderful.
We wish we had some wonderful words of wisdom to impart upon you and take away all your questions. Seriously, all you can do is look at your own situation and judge it from there.
The best way? Go by your gut feeling. [Read: 13 relationship mistakes new couples make all the time]
Most people start to question a 4 month relationship. The reason is that you’re past the first flurry of dates, things might *or might not* have become physical, and you might have met friends and possibly even family members. Of course, other relationships might not have arrived at any of those so-called milestones.
The best advice? Never compare your relationship to anyone else’s!
Your 4 month relationship might be much further on than your friends’, or it might be a little further behind. There is no solid point you should be at after 4 months of regularly dating each other. But, you should have a good sense of whether you want the relationship to continue or not. [Read: Banish these hugely false dating myths from your mind forever]
What to expect from a 4 month relationship
While true that every 4 month relationship is totally different, there are a few signs you should watch for. You don’t want to be stuck in a situation that doesn’t seem to be moving at all.
If you’re keen to take the relationship toward something more serious and your partner doesn’t, you probably won’t want to invest any more than the 4 months you’ve already put forward. Who can blame you?
Remember, never compare and never have rules about where you should be at a certain timeframe, but after 4 months of dating or seeing each other, whatever you want to call it, there are some averages you might want to look for. [Read: How to read the signs your casual relationship is getting serious]
1. The L word
Most couples have usually uttered the L word around the 3 month mark. If you haven’t said it or your partner hasn’t, don’t panic! Everyone moves at a different pace where this big milestone is concerned, and you have no idea what their dating past really looked like.
If they were in an abusive relationship in the past, they may take much longer to feel comfortable saying the L word. It might also be that they’re unsure for other reasons, or they’re worried about your reaction.
So, while none of this answers your questions firmly, it does give you something to look towards as to where the relationship is potentially going. [Read: The first “I love you” – How to say it and get it right]
2. There still won’t be a huge amount of comfort
Additionally, a 4 month relationship probably won’t be super-comfortable just yet. You might be a little more open and feel completely fine cracking jokes that you wouldn’t have attempted to try in the first or second month. But a 4 month relationship means you’re still on your best behavior.
Most relationships don’t move into completely comfortable territory, i.e. you let them see you without your hair done and you’re quite happy to share your bodily functions, until around the sixth month or even later.
So, the changes of just letting it all hang out, quite literally, by the fourth month, are pretty slim. [Read: Relationship Timeline – The 15 phases every relationship goes through]
3. You will probably have met their friends
It’s likely that a 4 month relationship means that you know their friends pretty well by this point. You’ve probably socialized with them a couple of times and you might even know some of their girlfriends too.
That’s a good sign because it means that your partner is comfortable letting you into their life and incorporating you into their social world.
This doesn’t mean that you’re going to be super-best friends with their circle, but you’ll be familiar and possibly even friendly. Sometimes, friends tend to hold back a little until they know that the person their friend is dating will be around over the long-term. [Read: Win ’em over – How to get your boyfriend’s friends to like you]
4. You may or may not have met the family yet
Some people have met family members by this point and others haven’t. Remember, this is a huge milestone and many people aren’t comfortable with who they’re dating meeting their folks until they’re extremely exclusive and established as a couple.
So, when it comes to meeting the family, you shouldn’t judge your relationship based on someone else’s because it doesn’t mean you’re failing in any way. You’re just moving at your own pace.
It could also be that your partner doesn’t have the best relationship with their family and the whole situation is complicated. Again, you may or may not be that aware of their family situation. They might not want to share details because they’re embarrassed or it’s simply too complicated to get into.
All will become clear as the relationship progresses. [Read: 7 clear signs it’s the right time to meet the parents]
5. You will be seeing each other regularly
For sure, a 4 month relationship means that you’re seeing each other regularly, at least a few times per week. There might even be plans to go on vacations or breaks together.
It doesn’t mean you’ve actually been on them yet, but there are loose plans for things to do in the near future. Even talking about it is a good sign because it shows that there is a thought to do it together.
6. You may stay over at each other’s houses
Again, this depends on the situation. If your partner is still living with their parents, it could be difficult for you to stay over!
But, if you’re both living in your own places then there is the likelihood that at 4 months, you’ll probably be staying over regularly. That doesn’t necessarily mean that you have a sexual relationship, because that’s a personal thing for all couples to choose, but you don’t have to have sex to stay over at someone’s house! [Read: What to do if she’s sleeping over for the first time]
7. You have a sense of whether you want to continue or not
We mentioned this earlier but it’s important to point it out again. Basically, at the 4 month mark, you should really have a sense of whether you want the relationship to carry on and grow, or whether you’re not too sure about it. If at 4 months you’re still on the fence, that’s a pretty solid sign that you’re not really into it.
While 4 months isn’t a make-or-break situation, it is that kind of timeframe where you know this person pretty well and you have a general idea of what you want to happen, or not. [Read: How to have a good relationship that gets better with every day]
8. The relationship is progressing, even if it’s slowly
Put simply, there should be some sign that the relationship is moving forward in some way. And, you should be having a lot of fun.
If you can’t remember the last time you laughed together, at this point, the relationship is in trouble! Everything should be fun right now, even if you have questions about what it all means. [Read: 34 relationship red flags most couple don’t focus on early on in the relationship]
9. You might still be in the honeymoon phase
We mentioned earlier that some couples stay in the ripping each other’s clothes off honeymoon phase for longer. That’s true, but at around 4 months you’re probably on the cusp of still being in it, versus just coming out of it.
If you are having a physical relationship, at 4 months you’re probably still at it like rabbits. Enjoy it! While it won’t last forever at the same rate, you can keep this wonderful time in your mind and keep recreating it as your relationship progresses even further. [Read: Love vs lust – 21 signs to know exactly what you’re feeling for each other]
What should you call a 4 month relationship?
Ah, the big question!
Are you in a relationship at this point yet?
I would say that officially you are, but it might not have been spoken or confirmed. If you’re spending a lot of time with someone on a regular basis and it’s lasted for 4 months and moving forward, you’re more than just friends. You can’t really call it dating. [Read: Talking to someone about your relationship: The DTR made easy]
If you’ve said the “L” word, you have proof it’s a relationship. If you haven’t said ‘I love you’ to each other, after this amount of time it’s definitely akin to it, if not already there.
Not everyone feels the need to sit down and have a conversation about what something actually is. It’s true that not everyone feels the need to put a label on it.
If you need that, by all means after this amount of time, have a chat to find out where your partner is, but it’s not always necessary. Sometimes you simply have to watch someone’s actions and what they do for you to know.
However, if your partner seems quite uncomfortable or even shifty about what to call the 4 month relationship, consider it a slight red flag. That’s not to say it’s a huge problem, because you don’t always know someone’s history. However, you should start to wonder why they’re not so sure after this amount of time. [Read: How to Define Your Relationship without feeling awkward]
4 months should mean it’s going somewhere
Let’s be honest, 4 months is a considerable chunk of time. If you’re not sure about someone by that point, how much longer is it going to take?
Sure, it’s normal to not know what your real feelings are, i.e. do you love them yet, but you should at least understand that you want the relationship to carry on and develop, or you aren’t ready for something more serious.
Of course, it’s not all about them, it’s about how you feel too.
How do you feel about your partner? Do you see this 4 month relationship carrying on and going somewhere else? Do you feel happy with them and want to see where it goes?
There should be no pressure at this point, but you should have a general idea of whether or not you want it to carry on, or whether it’s probably going to start to fizzle out.
[Read: 80 dating questions to ask for a couple getting serious]
A 4 month relationship is at a pivotal point. Understanding what you want and whether you see yourself getting it with this person will allow you to avoid potentially wasting more of your time.
The post 4 Month Relationship: What Should You Expect When You Hit This Mark? is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.
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