Dating an Independent Woman: 28 Expectations & Other Must-Knows

Is dating an independent woman hard, or does it just require a little extra thought? In reality, it’s nothing more than you should be doing anyway! 

Does your girlfriend make a fuss every time you do something for her? Is she the type who doesn’t like it when you play the dominant male in a relationship? She’s not being bitchy – she’s just independent. That means you need to do some research and learn about dating an independent woman. Otherwise, you might be getting it completely wrong.

With equal pay and women’s rights at the forefront of the news, more and more women are becoming independent and strong – ready to fight for what they believe in.

Now, this would usually be a good thing, however, there are men out there who just can’t come to terms with this new era and have trouble dating an independent woman.

The strong, independent, I-don’t-need-a-man-to-make-me-happy women. Now even though some women are very forthcoming with this attitude, there are some who worry that this specific personality trait might be the reason we’re still single.

[Read: How to treat a woman right – 21 ways to make her want to stay with you over anyone else]

Who is an independent woman?

An independent woman is someone who knows what she wants, and never relies on anyone to finish the job for her. She is a formidable person who doesn’t allow the men in her life to take over her decisions. She’s tough, but that’s only because she knows it’s the only way she can make a mark in this world.

She won’t settle for being carried if she can crawl or use her teeth to get to the finish line. She sounds scary, but she’s just a regular girl who wants to actively participate in her journey to become an independent woman in a man’s world.

Still, that doesn’t mean that she’s not open to being in a committed relationship. She just wants someone who will give her space, while she does her thing and still be there for her whenever she feels vulnerable.

This woman will love you fiercely with all her heart, but she will never let you walk all over it. [Read: 26 qualities of a good woman every good must must always look for]

You just can’t go wrong with dating an independent woman

Some guys look at a woman in charge as a threat and are intimidated by them. We can’t tell you how frustrating it is to be a woman who supports herself, takes care of all her own needs, and handles her own life struggles, yet comes across men who are intimidated by her because of all those qualities.

If you face the decision of dating an independent woman but aren’t sure if you’re the type of guy who can handle it, these reasons to date a strong, independent woman might convince you otherwise. And who knows – maybe this is exactly the type of woman you need in your life.

If you face the decision of dating an independent woman but aren’t sure if you’re the type of guy who can handle it, these reasons to date a strong, independent woman might convince you otherwise.

And who knows – maybe this is exactly the type of woman you need in your life. [Read: The feisty girl and 30 personality traits that make her so scarily sexy]

1. She’s in it because she wants to be – not because she needs you

Some women who aren’t as independent are with a guy because she relies on him to make her happy or support her.

When you date an independent woman, you don’t worry about that because we support ourselves. We’re with you because we want to be and that’s all.

2. She is perfectly fine on her own

We know how to be alone and happy. The upside to this is that you won’t have to worry about whether or not you’re around enough or anything of that matter. You rest easy knowing that we know how to be happy on our own but choose to be happy with you. [Read: 12 ways to tell someone to give you a bit of space]

3. She knows how to have her own life

Independent women have hobbies, interests, work, and their own friends. This means we have a life of our own, outside of our relationships.

We spend time doing what we want without you being there – just as much as we like to spend time with you. When dating an independent woman, you need to know this fact.

4. And, she wants you to have your own too

Independent women don’t just want you to have your own life outside of the relationship with her. We also expect you to have your own stuff going on day after day.

We don’t expect you to drop everything once you have a girlfriend to focus your life purely on us. [Read: How to be independent even when you’re in a relationship]

5. She’s confident in herself

If she’s a fierce, strong, independent woman, then she’s confident as hell. You don’t have to sit and worry if you’re telling her she’s pretty every day – even though we still like that. We know we’re awesome. It’s not your job to make sure our self-esteem stays high.

6. Her problems are hers

We don’t come home and dump all our problems on you and expect that you’ll come up with a solution to fix it.

That’s a lot of pressure on a boyfriend and we understand that our problems are ours to fix – not yours. We may ask for your advice or input every now and then, but in the end, it’s our issue to deal with.

7. She’s your equal partner

Independent women recognize equality much more than others. We don’t expect you to handle all the fixer-upper jobs around the house, and we don’t want you to expect that we’ll only take care of the cleaning.

We live in equal harmony with our significant others. Everything we do is fair. [Read: The 13 characteristics of a healthy relationship]

8. She understands your societal pressures

Men aren’t the only ones who have pressure to act a certain way in a relationship. You may have to be ‘the man’ and act tough and take care of the rugged things in life, but we get it.

We understand the pressure to fit into a certain role in a relationship because we most certainly don’t fit the mold.

9. She doesn’t want to rush into marriage or kids

Independent women have a tendency to want to substantiate their career before giving into marriage and having kids. This means we’re really not in a hurry to get there if we’re not satisfied in our careers yet.

This takes the pressure off you immensely because you don’t have to think about all of that stuff so soon. Unlike dating women who are more into ‘traditional’ relationships. [Read: 18 qualities of a good man that sets him apart from the lesser men]

10. She appreciates your sensitive side much more

So you like to cook, clean, write poetry, and maybe you cry during sad movies. We’re not going to judge any of that.

In fact, with us being so independent and tough, we appreciate those qualities in you much more. We don’t need you to be the rock in the relationship because we’re self-sufficient enough to be our own rock.

11. She’s not needy – at all

In fact, we’re practically the opposite of needy. We love it when you update us on your day, tell us how beautiful you think we are, and are there for us when we need you, but we do not need these things.

We don’t need you to talk to us 24/7. In fact, that would annoy us. [Read: How to deal with a needy girlfriend and help her feel secure again]

12. She can handle your parents

And we can handle them with class and grace. Even if your parents are the strict type to make their dislikes known and may even offend us from time to time, just know dating an independent woman, we hold our own and maintain our respect from them.

13. She’ll be able to hold her own with your friends

Just like with your parents, we can handle your friends. You can bring us around them and we can joke and laugh with them just like you. You’ll never need to babysit us and stick right by our side if we go out with your friends.

14. She knows how to take a joke with ease

Having a sense of humor and knowing when to take a joke is something most independent women have in common. We don’t take things too literally when it comes to jokes.

Most of this has to do with our self-confidence. So you can joke and tease all you want and know that it won’t offend us.

15. You’ll never have to guess how she’s feeling

Gone are the days of trying to decipher what ‘fine’ means. Independent women will tell you how they’re feeling.

We have nothing to hide and don’t feel the need to act in a manner that suggests we’re mad when we can outright say so. We’ll tell you when you made us mad, hurt us, or even if we’re just in a bad mood that day. [Read: 14 spirited steps to stay independent in a relationship and love better]

What to do when you’re dating a fiercely independent woman

Once you manage to win an independent woman’s affection, you should never let your guard down. She will watch you like a hawk and scrutinize your ability to handle the relationship.

She wants to succeed in being a good girlfriend, but it’s your job to be the best boyfriend for her as well. Here’s how you go about dating an independent woman successfully. [Read: 13 relationship mistakes new couples make all the time]

1. Take her seriously

An independent woman always wants to be taken seriously. She has invested her whole life into making people acknowledge her ability to perform excellently whether it’s at home, at work or even in school.

If you ever undermine her or doubt her abilities, she will take it as an insult. [Read: 21 things you do that will make her adore you]

2. Take note of her beliefs and principles

As an independent person, it’s understandable that she has developed certain ideas and beliefs that she has adhered to. You don’t have to bow down to her whims, but you should always acknowledge that she sees things differently or that she is used to a certain way of doing things.

If you want her to understand your own beliefs and principles, explain them to her. Don’t just assume that she will go along with how you approach things in life. [Read: The issues that plague the mind of women in a relationship]

3. Ask her about what she wants

Before you can establish a relationship with someone as independent as this woman, you have to ask her about her needs and wants. By acknowledging these things, you will know how to handle your relationship based on what she has planned for herself.

4. Talk about what you both want

Don’t forget that you are a part of this relationship too. Just because she wants certain things, does not mean that you want the same things.

The best thing you can do is talk about your plans and goals so that you can arrive at a compromise. This way, you can also find out whether you are both willing to give each other some leeway in the relationship.

5. Let her in on decision-making

Whether it’s picking a restaurant or a home you want to live in, do not base your decision on whether you think she will like it. Even if she does, she will not appreciate you making the decision for her.

As endearing as it sounds to hear that you know her so well, there is a slight chance that she might not agree. If that happens, you can expect her to be very unhappy about it. [Read: How to make your girlfriend incredibly happy and feel like the luckiest girl ever]

6. Do not make life-altering decisions without her

She will not appreciate the fact that you made a decision without considering her in the matter. Even the trivial things could get blown out of proportion if you manage to disregard her input in any matter.

It’s not because she will be difficult about the situation. Being independent means a lot to her, and letting other people control her actions destabilizes her control over her situation.

7. Do not let her take the reins all the time

Just because the woman you love is fiercely independent, it does not mean that you should always go by her rules. She is independent and she wants to prioritize her needs without making anyone else accountable for her actions.

By choosing to be in a relationship, she should do her best to adjust to the situation. She must not prioritize her needs above yours – you should prioritize your needs together. [Read: How to compromise in a relationship and not feel like you lost out]

8. Never play the boyfriend card

When worse comes to worst, you might be tempted to use the boyfriend card. You might hear yourself saying, “You’re my girlfriend. You’re supposed to…”

It’s true that when a person agrees to be in a relationship, there are some expectations that need to be met. However, you don’t have to state the obvious or try and belittle her in any way. That’s not how you go about dating an independent woman.

Not only is it condescending, but it also sends the wrong message by implying that being in a relationship requires a person to “play” a role. Tell your partner about what you need. It is up to her to decide whether she can provide it or not. Her role as your girlfriend wouldn’t be up for debate in that situation. [Read: What’s a misogynist? 22 that instantly reveal a sexist, disrespectful man]

9. Be just as independent

If you are in love with a fiercely independent woman, you should not compliment her by being overly dependent. Her independence requires you to give her space sometimes.

When that happens, you are not obligated to wait for her until she has had enough time for herself. You should do your own thing and not worry about whether or not she’s going to call you later. She will probably admire you for not needing to be coddled all the time. [Read: I’m a clingy boyfriend dating an independent girl!]

10. Let her pay for what she wants to pay for

When she invites you out for dinner or when she suggests that you go on a trip together, do not try to pay the whole bill. Offering to do so would be the polite way to go, but you can’t insist on it when she declines.

If you do it over her head, it will just piss her off because the point of her inviting you is that she wanted to do something for you. By taking that away from her, you are not just undermining her independence – you are also throwing a thoughtful gesture back in her face.

11. Do not bargain for her time

If you want to spend time with your partner, don’t pay for it with gifts or a promise of a favor. Your partner will think that you’re bribing her, and she’ll take it as a slight against her intelligence.

If you want to spend time with her, ask her for it. Think that she is being unfair to you? Tell her how you feel. If she doesn’t care, then maybe your time is better spent with someone else who does. [Read: 25 biggest deal breakers for women every man must avoid]

12. Do not invite yourself over

Never, ever invite yourself over to her place, when you two are not serious yet. An independent woman wants some semblance of control over her life.

If she thinks that her personal space is being violated, she will not hesitate to call you out on it. When things progress between you two, discuss the specifics of what you can do now that you are in a serious relationship.

13. Give her gifts that she cannot appraise

They say independent women are iffy about getting random and expensive gifts, but that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t give her any, if you want to show your affections that way. They just don’t feel comfortable about being showered with opulence.

If they can appraise what you gave them, they won’t hesitate to return the sentiment with the same amount of effort, just so that they can feel comfortable about you giving them something so expensive.

If she can’t appraise the gift – i.e. an heirloom, an experience, something that cannot be replaced – she won’t make a fuss about it.

Dating an independent woman will teach you about yourself

There are many challenges to dating an independent woman but at the end of the day, it’s a journey worth taking. This is a woman who knows her worth, isn’t going to take any rubbish from you, and wants you, but doesn’t need you. All of this is positive. 

You’ll also realize a lot about yourself through dating this woman. She’ll teach you about the joy of life and the strength you need to make it through. So, not only will you spend time with a wonderful woman, but you’ll also gain a lot from it too. 

[Read: 23 things girls wish guys knew about a girl’s mind]

The list is not relegated to dating an independent woman only. You should make an effort to make any woman feel like she can carry herself in every situation. While in a relationship, you and your partner can be separately independent. However, don’t forget that you can also depend on each other whenever you need to.

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