It can be uncomfortable when someone likes you but you don’t feel the same way about them. So, you need to learn how to friendzone someone the right way.
Gosh, how to friendzone someone! This is a concept that has long frustrated lovesick friends. The friendzone is the situation when there is a friendship but one person has unreciprocated romantic feelings.
This is something most people shudder at the thought of, so putting someone in this position naturally makes you feel guilty. You want to maintain a friendship with this person who likes you, just not anything more than that.
You are completely valid in your feelings. Just because someone is a friend to you, it does not mean you owe them anything. You don’t owe them a date or even a chance.
The friendzone sounds like a rejection, but honestly, your friendship is not a punishment. Instead of thinking of the friendzone as a consolation prize, think of it as the simple truth.
[Read: Strictly platonic and why we shouldn’t use the term friendzone anymore]
Should you friendzone someone?
Often, the friendzone seems better than the no-zone. You may want to offer friendship as opposed to nothing. It can seem like a softer blow to someone’s ego if you tell them you like them, but just not that way.
It is always better to leave them with something, right? Wrong.
A friendship is not required. Just because you had a nice time on a date with someone but didn’t have feelings for them doesn’t mean you owe them friendship. Just because a friend likes you more than a friend doesn’t mean you need to give them a chance.
[Read: How to reject someone nicely and make sure you don’t lead them on]
The friendzone is not something you hand out to anyone. You don’t need to be friends with everyone you’ve rejected. It simply isn’t necessary.
It can be hard for someone that likes you to see you in a platonic way. They could pine over you without space. They could grow jealous if you date someone else. And it can become awkward for everyone involved.
Just because the friendzone might make you feel less guilty about rejecting someone doesn’t mean it is the right thing to do for you or them. The friendzone can give some people false hope. If you still want them in your life in some capacity, it may give them the idea that they just have to try harder.
Honestly, the friendzone is a tricky place. Although it has a negative connotation, it can be a great place for a friendship to eventually flourish. But, the friendzone is only a safe and happy place if the person you are friendzoning deserves your friendship and wants it.
[Read: How to tell someone you don’t like them without being mean or rude]
Friendzoning someone you’re dating or slept with already
Before we get to the different ways to friendzone someone whom you have no intention of dating, let’s just talk about this tricky zone of friendzones.
So you’re dating someone casually, or you’ve hooked up and slept with someone. Some time passes, and you realize you’re not into them romantically, and would prefer to stay friends. What then? Is that a breakup? Or is that slipping back into the friendzone with them?
In today’s day and age, it definitely is not a breakup. Friends sleep with each other often, hook up accidentally, and even give casual dating a test now and then. [Read: Friendly sex? 20 hushed signs your friend wants to have sex with you]
If it doesn’t work out, or if you’d rather stay friends, you have every right to explain your feelings to them. Unless you both have had the relationship talk, or have already decided to date each other, it’s not a breakup. You can follow the same rules and steps we’ve shared below to friendzone someone you’ve slept with or are currently casually dating.
How to friendzone someone the right way
If you have a friend that likes you and you want to officially friendzone them or someone that likes you romantically that you just like platonically, you’ll have to know how to friendzone someone.
If they deserve your friendship and want it, here’s what you can do to know how to friendzone someone the right way.
1. Be honest
Being straightforward, maybe even blunt, is often necessary. Someone that likes you can have a hard time taking a hint, especially if they have hope.
Don’t beat around the bush or subtly make it clear you’re not interested in anything more than friendship.
Yes, it will be awkward, but it is always best to rip the bandage off. Just come right out and let them know you aren’t interested in anything more than friendship and hope they still want to be friends. You can leave it there. You don’t owe them anything else. [Read: How to be just friends with a guy when he clearly wants more]
Of course, if you’re feeling awkward about putting someone in the friendzone in person, you can easily friendzone them over text as well. It’s not your fault they liked you, so if having this discussion in person makes you uncomfortable, a quick text will get the same message across.
2. Do not give false hope
Even when you don’t like someone as more than a friend, it can be hard to pull back the banter or chemistry you have. Just offering them a compliment or teasing them could be perceived as hope.
Your intention matters, but if it isn’t clear, it won’t make a difference. Don’t say anything like “maybe one day” or “you can be my backup.” Not only is that cruel but offers false hope.
3. Let them get over you
Give them space. You may like this person and want them around as a friend but if you just rejected them, give them time to get over you before picking up where you left off.
It can be hard and even feel like you’re losing a friend if you were close or spending a lot of time together, but respect their feelings. Give them the time they need if you really want to be friends.
4. Be respectful
Be respectful when you friendzone someone… as long as they are. Be respectful of their feelings. Don’t laugh it off or tell them they’re crazy for liking you. Let them know you’re flattered but not interested.
But, if they give you a hard time, you do not have to remain polite. If they say they did this or that for you, so the least you can do is get a drink with them, you do not!
A friendship is a friendship. No matter what happened before, there are no checks and balances between friends. [Read: Opposite sex friendships – 24 rules, boundaries and where we go wrong]
5. Hang out in groups
If being alone together, even in public, is making things weird for them or both of you, hang out in groups. It will limit any chance of uncomfortable moments. Try to reignite what made you friends in the first place.
If you were casually dating before friend-zoning them, include them in group activities that involve everyone, not partners.
6. Don’t use them
When you have a friend that likes you, it can be easy to give in to that attention. You know they’ll drop anything for you so calling them when you need a shoulder to cry on makes sense but it is not fair.
If you don’t like them as more than a friend don’t expect them to treat you as more than a friend either. Don’t expect them to do anything for you that you wouldn’t do for them. [Read: Romantic hug vs friendly hug – How to instantly tell the difference]
7. Don’t talk all day
Whether you send each other funny memes or complain about work all day, try to cut back. Constant talking, especially when you’re friend-zoning someone can make things complicated.
Of course, you want to keep things as normal as possible, but carrying on the same dynamic you had when they liked you won’t change anything.
8. Remind them
If they slip up and start making a move or even saying something you think is over the line, remind them. Let them know you were serious and still feel the same way and don’t want more than friendship.
Never blame yourself for their behavior. Give them one extra chance to get on board with the friendzone.
9. Encourage them to get back out there
If you are at a point where you feel comfortable encouraging them to get out there and date, do so. You can help them set up a dating profile or even introduce them to someone.
Don’t be too pushy, but letting them know that you support them dating, and moving forward is good. [Read: How to be a good friend and the traits to look for – 49 friend codes to follow]
10. Let them go
If they can’t seem to get on board with being in the friendzone, it won’t work. Even if you hate to lose their friendship, feelings can’t be willed away. You may have to let go of the idea of the friendzone with this person.
11. Don’t be too available to them
You might be an extrovert who likes socializing and staying busy. But there are sometimes when the options are slim.
So, make sure you don’t hang out with this person just because you have nothing else to do. Don’t be too available, and turn them down sometimes for getting together. If you don’t, they will think you have feelings for them as well.
12. Take your time to respond to texts or calls
When we really like someone, we have eager behaviors. And one of those eager behaviors is quickly responding to texts or phone calls. This gives the impression of high interest.
So, do the opposite to put someone in the friendzone. Take hours to reply to texts or calls. Don’t be rude about it, but you will give them a hint by the fact that you are taking your time. [Read: Texting etiquette and flirting – 26 rules guys and girls must follow]
13. Tell them that you don’t think you’re a good match
Maybe they are being direct about liking you and pursuing you pretty hard. If that’s true, then you might just need to come right out and tell them that you don’t think you are a good match.
You don’t have to go into details unless you want to. Simply saying “we’re not a match” is direct enough for them to understand that you’re not interested.
14. Hint around as much as you can
If you hate being direct because you don’t like hurting people’s feelings, then you can take the hinting route.
You can say how picky you are when it comes to dating – that hardly anyone measures up to your standards. Saying something like this will hopefully get across the message if they are tuning in enough to see the hints you are dropping to put them in the friendzone.
15. Describe your “ideal type” in front of them
Let’s say the person who likes you is a guy who is 5’9”, skinny, and has blonde hair. You can describe the type of guy you like in a manner that is clearly not him.
For example, “Oh, I love guys who are over 6’4” with dark hair and big muscles!” He will clearly know that description does NOT fit him. [Read: See a friendship and not fireworks? How to friend zone a guy]
16. Refer to them as a sibling
If you are pretty good friends with this person, then you can say things like “You’re like a brother/sister to me!”
That’s a nice thing to say because it implies that you like them a lot even if you want to put this special someone in the friendzone. On the other hand, it also lets them know that you are not thinking of them in a romantic or sexual way.
17. Talk to them about other people you like
If you have a crush on someone at work, tell them all about it. Describe the person and all the interactions you have with them.
Ask them for advice on how you can get this person to like you. By talking about your interest in other people, you are pretty clearly stating that your interest does not lie in them. [Read: How to be friends with someone you love without losing your mind]
18. Use the word “friend” a lot
When you say things to them like, “You’re such a great friend!” or “I’m so happy that we’re friends” you are overemphasizing that they are your friend – and nothing more.
They may be a little clueless and not pick up on it. But then again, maybe they will. It’s worth trying! [Read: How to tell someone you don’t like them – 13 methods of rejection]
19. Watch your body language
Body language is very important. In fact, almost 90% of the meaning of a message is contained in the nonverbal part. So, don’t sit too close to them, touch them, or give too much eye contact.
You want your body language to tell them that you don’t want to be close to them. Hopefully, they’ll notice and know that you don’t like them.
20. Don’t flirt with them
Some people are just natural flirts. Heck, some guys who are flirts will even flirt with old ladies without knowing it! So, if you’re that person, stop flirting.
Be aware of your behavior and when it can come across as being romantically interested in them. You might just think that you’re being friendly, but they might see it as an attempt to get their attention and interest. [Reda: Friendly vs flirty – 22 signs to tell if someone is flirting with you]
21. Try to set them up with your friends
If they are single, talk about all of your other single friends if you want to put someone in the friendzone. Tell them how much you think they would get along with your friend Jane or John.
Directly tell them that you want to set them up on a blind date. When you do that, it will be obvious that you don’t want to date them and you are trying to push them off on your other friends.
[Read: How to deal with a platonic heartbreak]
Learning how to friendzone someone isn’t always easy, but it can work out. Start with these steps, and soon enough, this person will understand that you’re definitely not interested in anything more than friendship with them.
The post 21 Ways to Friendzone Someone Without Hurting Or Leading Them On is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.
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