If you are putting your life on hold for someone, then you are probably being too available. Here’s how to know if you are, and what you can do about it.
Nobody likes someone who is too available. Where’s the fun in that? No matter how much you want to spend time with your partner, being too available for your partner can have its downfalls. *especially if they don’t do the same for you!*
The pitfalls of availability in a relationship
If you are being too available in a relationship, you may seem needy, like you don’t have a life of your own—which may put you at risk of being taken for granted. The old strategy of “playing hard to get” comes into effect a little bit when it comes to availability; less is usually more.
The chase is part of human nature. Everybody loves the act of trying to “get” someone. If they know they’ve already got you hooked and can have you whenever they please, the interest goes away fairly quickly.
Many people have been there. Some people even forget about their friends the second they start dating someone because they just want to spend all of their time with their newest flame. And, well… that definitely doesn’t work out for very long!
After a while, some people figure out that they are just too available for the people they are dating. They always say yes when their new partner wants to do something, and that leads to them being taken advantage of. It also encourages the new partner to place high expectations on your time.
Ultimately, those relationships don’t work out very often. [Read: 16 reasons why you’re always taken for granted by the ones you love]
So how do you know if you’re being too available for your partner?
Usually, this isn’t very hard to discover, because there are a LOT of signs that you’re being way too available. Take it from us: read these signs and change them ASAP—if you want to make something work.
1. “Yes” frequents your vocabulary
If you’re constantly saying yes to everything your new squeeze asks or wants to do, then you’re too available.
Don’t you have your own plans? Don’t you just want to curl up on the couch and watch a movie, instead of going to some lame car show?
2. You immediately reply to any call or text
Umm… you’re in the shower. You should not be texting back if you’re in the shower. This is a big sign that you’re being too available in the relationship.
It’s okay to reply right away if you’re not busy with anything, but if you’re in the middle of getting your teeth cleaned at the dentist and have to spit on your hygienist in order to communicate, you’ve got issues. [Read: Putting too much effort in a relationship – Whare to draw the line]
3. You apologize for missing texts/calls
The second you see a missed call because you were in a meeting or even just taking a quick nap, do you call back and immediately start apologizing and explaining yourself?
Honestly, this sounds more desperate than you being nice!
Instead, say a quick, “Oh sorry, what did you need?” It makes you much more mysterious and actually makes it seem like you have a life outside of your significant other. [Read: 20 signs you’re a people pleaser and just don’t know it]
4. You initiate most of the conversations
Texting him multiple times a day and chatting about his day seems not only too available but slightly desperate as well.
If you’re busy with your own life—as you should be—then you shouldn’t have time to text 50 times a day.
5. You accept last minute dates
It’s Friday night at 4 PM, and he calls *which you pick up on the first ring, of course,* and asks if you want to do dinner at 6.
Even though you already threw in a pizza and had prepared to lie on the couch *in PJs, stuffing your face* you excitedly say, “Of course,” turn off the oven, and head straight to the shower. This is certainly a sign that you’re being way too available to your partner. [Read: How to focus on yourself in a relationship and avoid losing yourself]
6. You let them reschedule last minute
On the other hand, perhaps it’s 6 PM and you’re freshly showered but get a text saying something “came up.” Now you’re left to change BACK into your PJs and try to down a half-cooked pizza.
Yeah, it’s no fun, but you graciously reply back *immediately, we may add*, “No biggie!” and get on with your boring night. Letting your significant other reschedule things at the last minute without fuss doesn’t mean you’re “understanding.”
It means you’re being too available and don’t mind the random shift in plans. Let him know his canceled plans are off-putting; you are not a doormat. [Read: Am I texting too much? 16 signs they think you’re a clingy texter]
7. You cancel plans with your friends when they want to do something
Some people are extremely guilty of this one, but it’s inexcusable. When you cancel plans you’ve made with your friends just because your partner wants to do lunch, it’s a sure sign you’re too available. Telling them no every once in a while is okay. In fact, it’s a good thing!
8. You don’t make plans with your friends in the hopes that they’ll want to do something
Once again, many people are ridiculously guilty of this.
If you get invited out on a Saturday night and say no just because you’re thinking your significant other MIGHT be able to do something, then you’re too available in the worst possible way: you’re passively waiting for someone who isn’t necessarily interested.
9. Whenever he asks, you tell him you’re not busy—even though you are swamped with work and a new hobby
Or maybe you always tell him you’re not busy so he’ll ask to do something. Although this isn’t actually being too available, you are pretending to be—which is just as bad. [Read: The LovePanky dating girl code all girls need to know]
10. Your friends tell you that you’re being too available
Listen to those friends, please! Because they’re probably the friends you keep ditching to go hang out with your new special someone.
If a friend is telling you that you’re being too available in the relationship *aka: ditching them or not making plans with them at all* then that’s a surefire sign that you really are too available.
11. You frequently ask to spend time together
When you ask him every day to go to dinner or on a date, he’s going to realize that you don’t do much outside of spending time with him.
Let him ask you—and then say no sometimes. Always having time available and wanting to fill that time with him is a definite sign that you have too much time available. [Read: How to stop being so needy – Why people get clingy and 32 ways to fix it ASAP]
12. You plan your life around the possibility of him being present
“Should I join that new yoga studio down the street? Hmmm… if I do, then I won’t be able to do dinners with *insert name* three days a week…”
So you don’t join because, just maybe, you’ll be busy with your special someone. Not joining in on activities because you might be spending your time with him means that you’re making yourself far too available—and unnecessarily so.
13. People ask if you ever spend time apart
Because it seems like everything you ever do *which, of course, isn’t much; you need to have an open schedule for your fella after all* is with your significant other.
People are curious about your other hobbies and goals… but you can’t seem to answer fully without leaving him out of the equation. [Read: Am I codependent? 14 signs you’re clingy and overstepping boundaries]
Why being too available is a bad thing
We know that you probably think that being too available is no big deal. If you like someone a lot, then why not see them as much as you can, right? Well, not so fast. There are a lot of disadvantages to being too available to someone. [Read: The big signs you’re simping and how to change your needy behavior]
1. You seem needy
No one likes someone who is needy. Believe it or not, people like “the chase.” When they have to work hard to get your attention, then it matters more to them. They think you are more of a “prize” because they “caught” you.
But when you are too available and don’t make them put in any effort to see you, then they get bored because it’s not challenging – and you seem needy. [Read: Why do men like a chase and how to use this in your favor]
2. You teach them to have bad behavior
If you ask what they’re doing this weekend *hinting around and going on a date,* and they reply with “I’m not sure yet, I’ll let you know,” then that means they are not making you a priority.
You are lower down on their list because they don’t secure dates with you ahead of time. So, don’t ever accept a date the night before – and especially not the day of. Tell them you have a busy life, so they need to fit into your schedule. [Read: New relationship boundaries – 12 lines all couples must draw early on]
3. It looks like you have low self-esteem
When someone is too available, it makes them look like they don’t have respect for themselves. They are so willing to just take any crumbs the other person throws at them, and that is not what people with high self-esteem do.
In contrast, people who feel good about themselves draw the boundaries and make people abide by them by not being too available. They respect themselves enough to say “no” once in a while.
4. They will take advantage of you
You don’t want to be a doormat, do you? If you always give in to other people when they want to hang out, then you are letting them use your time the way they want to.
And as a result, that might lead to them taking advantage of you in other ways too. They see you as too “easy,” so they might walk all over you if you let them. [Read: 20 worrying signs you’re being taken advantage of in a relationship]
5. They may not respect you
If you are too available for someone, they might not respect you. They might think you have no life, no friends, and nothing else going on in your life.
In fact, they will probably figure out that you are putting everything else on hold just to go out with them. That’s not something that a lot of people will respect.
What to do if you’re being too available for your partner
So, now that you know that there are a lot of disadvantages to being too available, what can you do to change it? Here are some tips.
1. Don’t accept dates at the last minute
As we said earlier, this makes you look desperate. It says that you have either an empty calendar or that you purposely reserved time for them before they even asked.
So, make it clear to them that you need at least a few days’ notice before they can see you. [Read: How to set personal boundaries and guide other people to respect them]
2. Don’t text or call back right away
Yes, we know that you are dying to text or call back right away. But again, that looks needy and desperate. The other person might think you are just sitting around doing nothing other than waiting for them to contact you.
This is not a good image to have. So, resist your urge to communicate with them immediately. You have a life outside of them, so live it!
3. Re-engage with your friends
If you are one of those people who abandons their friends when they have a new significant other, then stop doing that.
Call your friends up and go out and do things you used to do before when you were single. Get your life back a little, and don’t let this one person dictate your every waking moment.
4. Work on your self-esteem
If you are too available, then you should look at your self-esteem. Think about why you act this way. Are you afraid that if you turn down an invitation to hang out with this person that they will forget about you?
They won’t. In fact, they’ll be more interested in seeing you if you aren’t being so available for them all the time. So, work on your self-esteem so you don’t feel desperate for seeing this person. [Read: How to date when you have low self-esteem and find true happiness]
5. Turn down dates if you’re busy
Hey, you do have a life, right? So, make other plans, and if this person asks you out at the last minute, turn them down!
You need to train them that they can’t do that to you. Your life should be balanced, and if you’re spending so much time waiting for them to ask you out, then you aren’t very balanced.
[Read: The really big reasons why loving someone too much kills their love for you]
Spending time with your significant other is always wonderful, but when you’re being too available, it can actually have the opposite effect; you will not only seem desperate, but uninteresting and bland. The chase is part of the fun, so give your partner something to run after.
The post 23 Needy Signs & Ways to Stop Being Too Available for Your Partner is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.
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