It’s never a fun situation to be in when your boyfriend talks to his ex often. Why does he do it and what can you do? Here is everything you need to know.
Almost all the time, exes have a way of squirming into a new relationship and messing it up. Now we can’t really tell if it’s intentional or not. But if you’re in a new relationship and your boyfriend talks to his ex, then you have some thinking to do.
If you’re dating a guy who’s still in touch with his ex, it’s time to get wary.
And if you’re dating a guy who has long conversations with his ex every other day, you’re better off walking out on him.
[Read: How to get a guy to forget his ex and date you instead]
Does your boyfriend talk to his ex?
Are you upset with your boyfriend for staying in touch with his ex-girlfriend? Now don’t assume you’re being hard on him.
You have every right to get annoyed if your man’s spending hours over the phone with his ex.
As much as your boyfriend may convince you otherwise, there’s just no reason why exes have to stay friends or keep in touch with each other often.
They broke up because of their incompatibilities as lovers, so what’s the point in staying friends anymore?
Perhaps, your boyfriend or his ex is having second thoughts about their breakup. Or now that the guy’s all serious with you, his ex has started to realize just how special and wonderful he really is. It doesn’t matter what the reason is, but exes being friends is never good news for the new partner.
Here’s something to know – almost all the time, exes stay friends only when they see secret benefits in staying friends. [Read: Can you be friends with an ex after a breakup?]
What’s his excuse for keeping in touch with her?
There’s no clean excuse for exes to be friends unless they’re still bound by kids or are working together in the same place. Or unless they’re still using each other as friends with benefits now and then.
Have you ever asked your boyfriend why he even stays in touch with his ex-girlfriend? Does he say he values her as a friend or does he like her for the person she is?
No, there are no excuses. If he thinks she’s so great, why on earth would he have broken up with her? Truth be told, your boyfriend is in your arms now, but he may still have a soft spot for his ex.
Wouldn’t you feel attached to your ex too if you spoke over the phone every other day? And now that you’re dating someone else and are off-limits, your ex may start to like you a lot more too. [Read: 6 big reasons to stop cyber stalking your guy’s ex]
The real reasons your boyfriend talks to his ex
He *or you* can justify his behavior all you want, but let’s face it – if your boyfriend still talks to his ex, none of the reasons can be good.
So, regardless of his excuses, here are some of the real reasons he may be talking to her.
1. He’s still in love with her
In your heart, you know there is a possibility that this is true. Maybe she broke up with him, and it shattered his heart into pieces. So, he’s having a hard time letting go.
Even if it’s just on a subconscious level, he might be thinking that if he keeps talking to her that she will change her mind and want him back.
2. He has regrets
Maybe he did something wrong like cheating on her or just simply neglecting her. And as he looks back on the relationship, he might have regrets.
So, in his mind, maybe talking to her will help relieve some of his guilt. He might be trying to be the “nice guy” by checking in to make sure she is alright after the breakup. [Read: Is your partner still in some kind of relationship with their ex?]
3. He’s not in love with you
We hate to tell you this, but if he was madly in love with you, then he wouldn’t have a need to talk to any other girls – even his ex.
Maybe you are a rebound for him, depending on how long ago they broke up. No one wants to be a rebound, but you have to own up to the fact that you might be. Think long and hard about this one. [Read: 16 signs you’re just a rebound girl your boyfriend is using to get over someone he loved]
4. He can’t let go
If he was together with his ex for a long time, then it might just be a habit talking with her.
As they say “old habits are hard to break.” Whether he’s still emotionally attached, or it’s just something to do, he can’t let her go for some reason. Either way, you don’t deserve that.
5. He thinks it’s harmless
It could be that he really doesn’t have feelings for her anymore, so he thinks it’s no big deal that he still talks to her.
Maybe he wasn’t really that into her before, or they were friends before they dated. He could just see her as a friend. It sounds far-fetched, but it could actually be the truth.
6. She keeps in touch with him and he doesn’t say no
He might not really care about her anymore at all, but she does about him. If so, maybe she is being the clingy one by keeping in touch with him.
He could feel bad for her and not want to hurt her feelings by going no contact. This is kind of a lame excuse, especially if he knows that it bothers you that he still talks to her.
Would he ever cheat on you with his ex-girlfriend?
This is the biggest worry that most girls have to deal with when their boyfriend stays in touch with an ex. After all, they’ve already shared a physical relationship. All they need is a tiny emotional spark to take the plunge into an affair.
If your boyfriend’s very friendly with his ex, yes, he may have an affair with her. Both of them are already sexually attracted to each other and have had sex already. And now that he’s unavailable and in your arms, his ex-girlfriend may find him a lot more appealing and desiarble. [Read: How to make a guy jealous and get his attention]
Does he ever say that he doesn’t want to keep in touch with his ex, but his ex-girlfriend is the one who calls all the time? He’s obviously lying to you.
Does he ever say she still needs him for emotional support? He obviously has some physical things in mind.
If your boyfriend wants to stay friends with his ex even when you tell him that it bothers you, it’s obvious that he wants the cake and wants to eat it too.
Is it ever okay to keep in touch with an ex?
If your boyfriend and his ex have shared a relationship where the love and excitement slowly frizzled away, or if they’re completely platonic towards each other, it may be acceptable.
If your boyfriend thinks nothing of his ex, he should have no problems meeting his ex with you in his arms. Meet his ex a few times and see if you like the person. If you can’t sense any sexual tension or awkwardness in the air, perhaps they’ve turned into good friends after all. [Read: The right way to become friends with an ex]
The warning signs when your boyfriend talks with his ex
Do you ever feel like something’s not right about the way your boyfriend behaves around his ex? Here are all the warning signs to help you know if there’s something fishy going on between your boyfriend and his ex.
1. He doesn’t like it when you read texts from his ex on his cell phone
At times, he even deletes his texts as soon as he reads them. This is a huge red flag.
If he didn’t have anything to hide, then of course he would let you read his texts or overhear their phone conversations. When someone hides something, you know they are up to no good.
2. He walks out of the room when he gets a call from her
Does your boyfriend become fiercely protective about his space when she calls him? Does he expect you to give him his quiet space until he finishes the conversation?
Yeah, that’s not a good sign. If he isn’t willing to talk to her out loud right in front of you, then there is a reason he doesn’t want to hear your conversation.
3. He behaves very awkwardly when he’s around you and bumps into her or gets her phone call
If they are just friends, there shouldn’t be any awkwardness, should there? If they were just friends now, then he shouldn’t be nervous or awkward.
People’s non verbal behavior tells you everything you need to know, so watch his body language.
4. You’ve heard that his ex badmouths you
But your boyfriend doesn’t express his opinion to you even when you confront him. Or at times, he may even take his ex’s side or protect her by saying his ex’s feelings towards you are instinctive or neutral.
This is unacceptable, so you need to put a stop to this. [Read: 15 signs of lack of respect in a relationship that you can’t ignore]
5. His friends still speak about his ex like she’s got feelings for him
And they pull your boyfriend’s leg with his ex now and then, like there’s something you don’t know about his ex. You know his friends know him very well, right?
So, if they’re teasing him, then it must be the truth. Especially if they’re doing it in front of you. That’s definitely not cool of them, but it sends you a very strong message.
6. He meets her now and then
But he never invites you along. And at times, he may not tell you about it until the last minute, or he may even pretend like he just bumped into her and decided to have lunch together.
This is very suspicious, and you should put your foot down on this behavior. It’s never okay to meet another woman when he’s dating you.
7. Your man gets angry when you tell him that you don’t like him talking to his ex
And he doesn’t like it at all when you ask him questions about the kind of relationship he shares with his ex or what he talks about with her. He says you’re interrogating him when you ask questions about her.
The reason why your boyfriend talks to his ex and then gets defensive is that he knows he is guilty of something. Innocent people don’t mind being questioned, but guilty people do.
8. His ex-girlfriend tries to take his attention away from you when you’re around them
She behaves more like his girlfriend and tries to behave in an overly friendly manner with him. This means she is jealous of you and sees you as a competitor.
And you really should never be in competition with a guy’s ex, because you are the one dating him now. But she still sees him as her “property” if she is acting like this. [Read: Does your boyfriend have a very flirty gal pal?]
9. He’s lied to you about meeting her or speaking with her
Has your boyfriend ever lied to you about meeting his ex or have you ever caught him talking to her or spending time with her?
Well, if he has, that is a huge red flag. There would be no reason to lie about it if he wasn’t doing anything wrong. So, you should call him out on this and make him explain the truth.
10. He says he doesn’t want to keep in touch, but she needs him
This is the biggest lie you could ever hear. If he dislikes her, he could always walk away. The fact that he behaves as if she needs him makes it obvious that he needs her too.
If your boyfriend can’t avoid his ex, he definitely has unfinished business with her, whatever it may be. [Read: 20 sure signs he’s dating someone else along with you]
What you should do about it?
Sometimes, it’s okay for two ex-lovers to be friends. But good friends? That’s definitely not okay.
The warning signs above can help you see if your boyfriend and his ex’s relationship is something that could threaten your future together. And if you genuinely believe your boyfriend’s ex is interfering with your relationship with your man, here’s what you need to do.
1. If it really bothers you, tell him about it
If you’ve taken time to get comfortable with their relationship, but still have a hard time coming to terms with the confusing love triangle, tell your boyfriend that you’re not comfortable with the close proximity he shares with his ex.
2. Be wary
If you have a doubt, it usually means something’s not right. A woman’s instinct can go into overdrive at times, but almost always, it reveals the truth.
Do you feel like your boyfriend and his ex are doing something behind your back? Big chances are, they probably are. [Read: How to know if he’s cheating on you with another woman behind your back]
3. Try to get along
A boyfriend and ex’s relationship is complex. Perhaps, there are genuine reasons for their closeness. Try to understand their relationship with an open mind and see if you can get along.
You just need to examine yourself to see if perhaps you are being unreasonable with your expectations. You might not be, but if you are, own up to it and try to get along.
4. Give him an ultimatum
It’s you or his ex – you have to give him an ultimatum. If nothing else works out, ask him to make a choice between you and his ex.
If he truly cares about you, he’ll definitely leave his ex for you. Even if he hesitates one moment, he definitely has feelings for his ex. [Read: Stages of love in a man’s mind and how they fall in love]
5. Decide about the relationship
Now all said and done, it’s still you that has to make the final decision. Your boyfriend talks to his ex and hangs out with her now and then.
Can you trust a guy like that? Do you want to be with a guy like that? Don’t you think your boyfriend’s being selfish and unconcerned about your feelings? [Read: Is he really the one for you? How to know if a guy is a perfect match for you]
Even if he decides to leave his ex for good, do you still want to be with such a guy who was being so insensitive to your feelings?
Make up your mind once and for all and decide about the relationship with your boyfriend and the direction its heading.
[Read: Should I break up with my boyfriend? 23 signs it’s clearly time to end things]
Speaking to an ex and hanging out with her often is never ever good, though there can be a few rare exceptions. So, does your boyfriend talk to his ex often? Do something about it, especially if it bothers you!
The post Your Boyfriend Still Talks to Your Ex? 21 Warning Signs You MUST Know is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.
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