Do you feel stuck in your relationship? If so, then you need to learn how to move forward in a relationship – or if you should. Here’s what you should do.
Relationships are almost like a game of cat and mouse. Of course, it’s never a great idea to knowingly play games with someone you care about, but when you look at how a relationship actually works and the way it plays out in general, it’s a game of ‘you give a little,’ ‘I give a little.’ Then, you sit there and worry about who’s going to move next or how to move forward in a relationship.
‘Confusing,’ that’s the word we’re looking for!
As confusing as relationships can be, they’re also wonderful and fulfilling. However, you should be certain that the person you’re with wants the same things as you, and you also must be sure that they’re actually the person you want to have a future with in the first place.
[Read: The 20 non-negotiables you shouldn’t compromise on in a relationship]
Why do relationships get stuck?
At the beginning of most relationships, both people are happy and in love. They feel like their love will last forever and they’ll always feel that way. But many times, relationships get stuck. Why does this happen? Here are some reasons.
1. Stagnation
Think of the difference between a swiftly flowing river and a pond with growing moss on top of it. Those are very opposite. The river is full of life and moving forward. And the pond is just sitting there going nowhere, growing moss on top.
That is how some relationships go. They start out like a river, but they turn into a pond. In order for your relationship to keep moving forward as a river does, you have to put in effort every day. You can’t take each other for granted or get lazy.
2. Infidelity or cheating
In most couples, the assumption is that they are exclusive and monogamous. Sure, there are some types of couples who have open relationships, but most don’t.
So, if there was betrayal by one or both partners, that can cause a huge stall in the relationship moving forward. [Read: How to rebuild trust after cheating – 11 things the cheater MUST do]
When someone is cheated on, it creates all sorts of negative emotions. They will be angry, resentful, and sad. It will even take a toll on their self-esteem and make them wonder “why they aren’t good enough” for their partner.
3. One of you is hurt
Hurt feelings can occur for any reason in a relationship. It doesn’t have to be cheating, as we just discussed.
People can get hurt by being ignored, abused, or emotionally distant. These feelings can get in the way of two people moving forward.
4. One of you has been lying
Sadly, a lot of people lie. Whether it’s a little white lie or a huge lie, it happens a lot. But when it gets to the point when one or both people are so suspicious of each other that they start snooping through their phones and personal items to find the truth, then that can damage any relationship. [Read: Lying in a relationship – 15 steps to confront a lie and heal the love]
Even if the lying isn’t a huge betrayal, it’s still bad. For example, if one person repeatedly says they will do something but they don’t, the other person will see that as a lie. Resentment will build up over time.
5. You two had a big fight
Whenever you’re in a relationship, there will be conflict. It’s just inevitable when two people are together because you will never agree on everything. Conflict isn’t inherently bad, but it just depends on how you handle it.
So if your “fighting style” is toxic, then that will not move a relationship forward. You can’t yell, scream, and all names and expect the relationship to be healthy. Whether it was one big fight or a series of regular fights, it will stagnate your relationship. [Read: How to stop fighting in a relationship and 16 steps to really talk]
6. You’re in a long-distance relationship
It’s hard enough to be in a relationship when you see each other all the time. Every couple has problems that they need to deal with. And you would think that if the two of you don’t see each other all the time you would appreciate each other more.
But that’s not always the case. When people are far apart from each other, it can cause misunderstandings and loss of trust. Plus, there is the temptation from other people because you have free time to spend with others who are not your partner. [Read: Long distance relationship – 46 LDR tips to make it work and not screw up]
How to move forward in a relationship in all the right ways
If you want to learn how to move forward in a relationship, take some time for yourself. Know what you want in your own mind, and then the rest is a little easier.
However, moving forward doesn’t always have to mean the big stuff, like moving in together, getting married, meeting family, or even having children.
It can be anything that basically starts your relationship ticking along rather than being stuck, going nowhere. [Read: How to fix a relationship that’s falling apart and rebuild it again]
Everyone has a different situation. Whatever your current ‘moving forward’ definition is, let’s look at all the ways you can learn how to move forward in a relationship to wherever your destination may be.
1. Know what you want first of all
Before you put the moving forward plan into action, first think about what you want. You cannot do anything until you know this for yourself.
Do you really want to meet this person’s parents? What will that mean to you? Do you want to move in with this person? Is that really all that important to you? What will it change?
Identify what you want out of a relationship, then start putting together a plan to figure out whether it’s what your beau wants too. [Read: The sure signs you’re ready for a relationship or totally not ready]
2. Remember, they’re not a mind reader
It’s amazing the number of people who simply expect others to know what they’re thinking. None of us are mind readers!
Communication is vital in any relationship, whether it’s a new one, an established one, or a relationship that turned into marriage long ago.
You should be comfortable with talking about what you want, making suggestions, and asking questions. If you don’t feel comfortable talking about these things with your partner, then learning how to move forward in a relationship is useless! [Read: How to open up to people and learn to be vulnerable]
3. Focus on experiences together
Experiences help to create a stronger bond. They make memories. If you’re attempting to move your relationship to the next level, whatever you deem that to be, focus on having these new experiences together.
By doing that, you’re opening up a new amount of potential. It could lead to some pretty unexpected and wonderful places! Of course, the last point of communication also still stands. Mix these two points together and see some success! [Read: 18 ways you can fall slowly in love like you’re in a fairytale]
4. Put in the effort
You can’t expect your partner to do all the doing, you should do some of it too! Make sure that your relationship isn’t one-sided. You both should suggest new places to go, things to do, date night locations, etc.
You should also be sure that you’re pulling your weight in terms of communication. If you want to move a relationship forward, you have to put in the effort and spend enough time with your partner in order to reach the point you want to reach.
5. Stop taking your relationship for granted
The number of people who do this is huge. It’s one of the biggest relationship killers out there. It’s easy to become comfortable but that easily means you’re stuck.
How do you know that your partner isn’t desperately trying to wave a flag at you, to get you to see that they want to move forward, but you’re far too short-sighted to see it? You’re too busy taking them for granted.
As before, put in the effort, but be honest with yourself. Make sure there’s nothing you need to put right before you start to try and move things to the next level. [Read: How to make sure one person isn’t being taken for granted in your relationship]
6. Ask yourself if you’re truly happy
Is there anything in your relationship that is a huge bug-bear? Is there anything that you’re not happy with? Before you sit down and talk about what the next level is, you need to fix it.
If you don’t, the problem is just going to snowball into something bigger, almost like an avalanche.
Fix things, be honest, communicate, talk about things openly, and then see where you end up. Seriously, the biggest thing here, and the most important thing when learning how to move forward in a relationship, all comes down to the ability to be open and honest with each other. [Read: 18 steps to take to tell your partner you’re unhappy]
7. Don’t second guess what they want
You might think you know, but how can you be sure? Have you talked about it? Are you just guessing? Maybe they say something because they think it’s what you want to hear.
By simply guessing and then letting those guesses guide where your relationship goes, you might be heading in a totally wrong direction.
8. Don’t rush things
You might want to move things. However, going too fast can easily scare some people off. Wait a while, let things settle, enjoy where you are then assess how you feel after a few months.
If you jump into a new relationship and suddenly demand to meet their parents, you’re just going to freak them out. You’ll see the end of the union before it’s even begun!
We totally understand that the beginning part of a relationship is full of anxiety and stress because you want to know that you’re not wasting your time. You also need to just go with it and enjoy things. If you focus too much on ‘where is this going,’ you’re just going to end up regretting it. [Read: 13 relationship mistakes new couples make all the time]
9. Initiate a conversation about the future
The best way to find out what your partner wants is to initiate a conversation that talks about the future in ‘one day’ terms.
For instance, drop casually into the conversation that ‘one day’ you’d love to have a bigger house. Make sure that you reference them in the dream you’re describing, so they know that you see them as a part of it.
Then, encourage them to do the same. These conversations help to carve out a clearer picture. [Read: 12 key moments in a relationship that predict your future together]
10. Work on your conflict styles
There are several different ways people handle conflict. The ways are: avoiding, competing, compromising, collaborating, and accommodating.
It’s never good to avoid conflict all the time, and it’s not good to give in to your partner either *by accommodating troo much*.
Competing is the worst kind because you see each other as “enemies” and both of you need to “win” the argument.
Instead, you need to see yourselves as a team. You have to work together to come up with solutions that work for both of you.
11. Take responsibility for your actions
Everyone says and does things that accidentally hurt other people or their relationships. So, it’s okay to explain your actions, but don’t make any excuse. Tell your partner why you did what you did, but don’t blame your partner for your behavior. [Read: How to stop being toxic – 19 steps to not be bitter or blame others]
You and you alone are the only person responsible for your behavior. The same is true for your partner too. But it can’t just be one person taking responsibility for their behavior. Both people have to do it in order for your relationship to move forward.
12. Give sincere apologies
If one or both of you did something that hurt the other person, then you will have to tell your partner that you are sorry and you have regrets.
But, here’s the catch. It has to be genuine. Simply saying “I’m sorry” doesn’t cut it. When you are truly sorry, you follow up your apology with a change in your behavior.
If you are only apologizing because you think it will make your partner feel better, then don’t do it.
You can say something like “I’m truly sorry for what I said to you when I was angry the other day. You didn’t deserve that, and I know it hurt your feelings. I feel really bad about it.” [Read: 28 heartfelt ways to say you’re sorry and apologize to someone you love]
13. Be a good listener
Sometimes, people are so caught up in their own feelings that they don’t listen to what the other person has to say. But you both have to listen to one another genuinely. Don’t interrupt your partner, and let them talk for as long as they need to.
Remember, they might have more to say than you do if you are the one who hurt them. They may need the time to explain the depth of the hurt that you caused. You can help the process by asking questions such as, “Can you tell me more about that?” It will make them feel like you are really hearing what they are saying.
14. Acknowledge their feelings and have empathy
Having empathy is acknowledging another person’s point of view and seeing a situation from their perspective. You also need to validate them and tell them that you understand why they feel that way. This shows your partner that you care about how they feel. [Read: How to show empathy and learn to understand someone else’s feelings]
You both should do this. Let your partner know that it’s okay for them to feel the way they do. You can say something like, “I can see why you’re upset. I never thought about it from your perspective before.”
15. Figure out how to make things right
Assuming both of you need to make changes in the relationship to move it forward, you need to sit down together and figure out what needs to be done to make things right between the two of you again.
If you both have already apologized and talked about what has happened, ask what you both should do now.
You might need some time to think about it and come up with a solution. For example, you might promise that you both will be open and honest about everything moving forward. Or, you can make sure that you prioritize them more in your life. [Read: 22 signs to see a troubled relationship and the best ways to fix it ASAP]
16. Take some time apart if needed
This might sound counterintuitive, but sometimes people need to take some space for each other to put things into perspective. If something big happened between the two of you, then you can’t expect to move forward right away. One or both of you might need space.
Make a decision as to how much time away from each other would be helpful. Once you decide, make sure you don’t reach out until the time frame ends. You both should take time individually to reflect on the relationship as a whole. [Read: Time apart in a relationship – 21 signs, reasons and ways to bring it up]
17. Express appreciation for each other
You need to tell your partner how much they mean to you. Sadly, most people eventually take each other for granted, and they don’t tell their partner how much they appreciate them. You need to find ways to show each other that you care. [Read: 16 ways to show appreciation for someone you love]
Also, think about your actions at all moments. Are your actions and words helping or hurting the relationship? Is it showing your partner that you love and appreciate them, or is it having the opposite effect?
18. Reflect on mistakes
In order to move a relationship forward, you have to know how you got to where you are. And then, you need to take steps to prevent it from happening again. So, think about what led up to the condition of your relationship. What mistakes were made by both of you?
We’re all human, but that doesn’t mean that we can’t change and become better. If you aren’t sure why you behaved the way you did, then you need to reflect on it.
For example, if you blow up at your partner when you’re under stress at your job, then try to reduce your workload if you can. [Read: How to stop making the same mistakes in a relationship and learn]
19. Learn your lessons
Just because one or both of you have messed up in this relationship, that doesn’t mean you can’t learn a good life lesson or two. But you have to want to turn the mistake into a lesson. Turn it into a teaching moment for yourself and your partner.
For example, if you neglected your partner for other people, you might have learned just how much time and care a romantic relationship needs. Or, if you accuse your partner of doing things that they don’t do, you can learn that you have trust issues that you need to work on.
20. Go to counseling
If you feel like you can’t move your relationship forward by yourselves. Then try to speak to a couple’s counselor if you can. A trained professional will help you work through your problems together. [Read: Relationship therapy – 25 clues to tell if it will help your romance]
It always helps to talk about your relationship with an unbiased third person. They will help you develop coping skills so you don’t repeat past mistakes. You might even want to try individual therapy too, so you both can work on yourselves.
21. Accept the outcome – whatever it is
BUT understand that if you’re on different pages, the relationship doesn’t have a future.
We hate to end on a negative! But if you’re trying to learn how to move forward in a relationship with someone who simply doesn’t want the same things as you, you’re heading for heartache.
You shouldn’t push down the things you truly want in life just because the person you’re with doesn’t want them. They shouldn’t do the same for you either. [Read: How to get through a breakup – 30 ways to get you back on track]
For instance, if you want to go traveling and your partner doesn’t, can you live with not fulfilling your dream? If your partner wants children and you don’t, you can’t force yourself to want something which doesn’t fit into your vision or what is comfortable to you.
How to decide if you want to move forward or let go
It’s not always easy to know whether or not you should move forward with your relationship or let it go. So, if you still struggling with what to do, here are some things to consider.
1. Do you have trust and respect?
Do you still have trust and respect in your relationship? If you don’t have it, then it is not stable and it’s going nowhere. If you can’t trust your partner or they can’t trust you, it’s a sign of an unhealthy relationship, and it won’t last long. [Read: How to trust again and give someone your heart when you’re scared]
2. Do you feel stuck?
If you’re daydreaming about a life without your partner and you find that you feel happier, then that’s a bad sign.
Ask yourself if you feel like you are still in love with your partner or are hoping they will change. If you’re always feeling negative feelings toward them, then that’s a huge red flag.
3. Do you feel like your relationship is one-sided?
If you feel like you are the one who is doing all the work in the relationship, then that’s not good. A relationship should be a balance of give-and-take, not one person always giving and the other always taking.
When you are putting in all the effort, then that’s a sign you should stop doing that. [Read: 30 signs of a one-sided relationship and how to fix it before it ends]
4. Do you have the same values and interests?
Ask yourself if you have the same values, goals, and interests. Do you want different things in life?
If the answer is “yes,” then you are not a good match. Your values should be compatible. If they are not, then you might think about leaving the relationship.
5. Are you the best version of yourself with your partner?
Do you like the person you are when you are with them? You really need to be honest with yourself.
You need to like who you are. But if they bring out the worst in you, then that is not healthy. They should be having a positive influence over who you are and how you feel, not a negative one.
[Read: 50 secrets and early signs of a good relationship]
Learning how to move forward in a relationship relies heavily upon communication and the willingness to try new things. It may not always be easy, but it can be done. You just need to figure out whether it’s worth it or not.
The post 32 Steps to Move Forward in a Relationship If You’re Lost & Confused is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.
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