Getting Past Hookup Detachment

You’re hooking up with girls but it just feels so… empty. What’s the source of this hollowness? Have you outgrown hookups? Are women just too shallow? Actually… it’s something ELSE.

Once you’ve put the work in to climb from unsuccessful with women to more and more successful, a funny thing can happen.

It begins as elation at your success: you’re doing it! You’re picking up girls! You’re having one-night stands!

You feel pride, because you’ve finally made it. You’re living the lifestyle you saw on TV or in the movies and imagined yourself living, but that always used to seem so out-of-reach.

Then you pick up another girl. Then another.

Something starts to bother you. It’s that… you just don’t feel a connection to any of these girls.

They’re just strangers you talk to, say/do the right things with, then have meaningless sex you don’t even enjoy all that much with. Then they leave. Maybe you could see them again after… but you don’t much want to.

You start to feel sour about the whole thing. Perhaps you’re picking up the wrong girls. Perhaps picking up in general is not really the right fit for you. In the back of your head you realized you were hoping for magical connections and memorable experiences, but you’re just not getting that, and you wonder if maybe it’s even possible to get with women… maybe it isn’t.

What you’re experiencing is something we might call ‘hookup detachment’: you’re hooking up, but you just don’t feel connected to any of these girls.

So what do you do?