The way your parents raised you affects you more than you might think. Similarly, the relationship a girl has with her father. Do you have a daddy complex?
None of us can control the family we’re born or adopted into. Some of us are lucky to have good, loving parents. If that is you, then you might have a head start in life. But others have the unfortunate luck of having neglectful, abusive, or even absent parents.
Regardless of what kind of family you grew up in, your parents helped shape who you are. The dynamic between you and your family also helped shape what you expect from other people – particularly in romantic relationships.
If a woman has a bad relationship with her father, it can taint how she sees other men. This could drastically affect anyone who dreams of being a potential partner for her in the future.
It’s possible that you aren’t aware of the effects your parents have on you and your character. So let’s take a look at what kind of behavior from a father can make his child develop a father complex. Maybe you’ll find some useful tips to allow you to move past any sticking points in your life. [Read: Emotional attachment – signs your fierce feelings are unhealthy]
What is a father complex?
You might have heard of a father complex referred to as “daddy issues.” Basically, it’s an umbrella term for the effects of having a poor father as a child. These issues can affect any gender and can vary in severity, depending on the father and how he treated the child at the time. [Read: What are daddy issues? 19 signs to recognize a girl with this issue]
These problems then shape how the child sees the world and those around them, following them into their adult years. This can cause problems with forming attachments, abandonment issues, relationships, how they see the world, and their need for approval.
There are three attachment-type problems that may arise from having a father complex. These are:
1. Dismissive avoidant attachment style. Fear of being hurt and difficulty trusting others as a result.
2. Fearful avoidant attachment style. Often runs from challenges and intimacy, rather than facing them.
3. Anxious preoccupied attachment style. Being anxious much of the time and needing to be closer to a partner. This stems from a fear of abandonment, most likely because they were abandoned in childhood. [Read: Abandonment issues and how it affects your relationship]
Of course, there are varying degrees of severity and it could be that someone with a father complex is affected in a totally different way than another. That’s what makes this subject so complex – it all stems from what happened in childhood, how it made the child feel, how they understood it, and whether they dealt with it as they grew.
A good father can raise a strong, independent woman
Of course, we all have our self-esteem issues from time to time, but a good father can instill a sense of independence, confidence, and happiness into his daughter.
He can teach her what not to stand for and how to believe in herself. This doesn’t mean she’ll never face a challenge or struggle with problems, but it means she has a strong foundation on which to build.
A girl who has a strong and positive relationship with her father will always feel like she has a supporter on her side who will give her strength through hard times in life. [Read: Simple ways to be a better role model for the youth]
The father complex, for good or bad
A father complex can be a result of having a bad father, but it can also be a result of having a father who was too good! Yes, it’s possible. Some people develop a father complex from having great fathers because it makes it almost impossible for them to find someone who lives up to their ideals.
That’s what makes this subject so confusing. To lay it bare and help you understand whether you may have a father complex going on in your life, let’s look at the good and the bad side of a father complex. As is customary, let’s start with the negative first.
What happens if she has a bad father complex?
Let’s start by talking about the consequences of a woman who has a toxic father. If a woman had a father who was absent, neglectful, or otherwise abusive, then some of the following things might be a result – the father complex. [Read: Dating a girl with daddy issues – the full guide you must know first]
1. She dates older men
Think about it. If her father was not emotionally nurturing, then it’s no surprise that a woman may subconsciously like to date older men.
She might not think to herself, “My dad rejected me, so I need to find an older man who loves me just like my dad should have.” But many times, it naturally happens that way. She is looking for a “father figure” in a romantic sense.
2. She doesn’t trust men
Come on, if you were neglected by your father, you wouldn’t trust men either, right? Your dad is supposed to be the only man who loves you unconditionally. And if he doesn’t, then that is a huge part of a father complex.
If a woman’s trust was repeatedly broken by her father, she will always be wondering how the next man in her life is going to screw her over as well. [Read: How to get over trust issues in your relationship and move forward]
3. She has low self-esteem
If your dad didn’t show love towards you, then it might be difficult to feel good about yourself. That makes sense, right? Even if a mother loves her daughter to pieces, there is still a psychological and emotional rejection that stays with a daughter if her dad didn’t provide the same amount of love.
As a result, a woman might develop low self-esteem. She might not think much of herself because her father didn’t think much of her either.
4. She has a pattern of choosing men who don’t treat her well
You would think that the opposite would be true. Let’s say your parent abused you, wouldn’t you want to find someone who treats you well after the fact? Unfortunately, that’s usually not the case here.
A woman with a father complex will subconsciously be drawn to men who treat her like crap – just like her dad did. This is because poor treatment is familiar to her, even though she doesn’t like it. [Read: Father-daughter relationships and daddy issues it can lead to]
5. She’s jealous and needy
When you combine rejection, low self-esteem, trust issues, and mistreatment, it’s bound to result in jealousy and neediness. Going back to the theme of rejection, a woman may never believe that she is good enough for a man and that he will eventually find someone else better.
This mindset results in jealous and needy behavior. On some level, a woman with a father complex will expect men to leave her, so she will try everything in her power to try to prevent that. However, jealousy and neediness will often have the opposite effect.
6. She finds it very difficult to take a genuine compliment
Let’s say a woman with a father complex starts dating a nice man. He’s good to her, treats her well, and gives her compliments. Despite his affection, she may be uncomfortable because she’s not used to receiving positive attention.
This is because subconsciously, she feels like she’s not worthy of a man’s love or is deserving of being treated so well. So, she will try to reject that behavior in some way. [Read: The signs of low self-esteem and ways to increase it]
7. She has a pattern of promiscuity or substance abuse
A woman with a father complex might rely on having sex with a lot of men in order to feel valued. In addition, she may also turn to substance abuse as a poor coping mechanism for the trauma she has.
8. She has ongoing relationship problems
If a woman never saw her parents model a healthy relationship when growing up, she may also have relationship problems herself.
Additionally, because she never had a good relationship with her dad, she might not have learned how to have a healthy interaction with a man. And so, the cycle continues. [Read: How to date with trust issues and learn to trust people again]
What happens if she has a good father complex?
Believe it or not, having a father complex is not always negative. The term “father complex” actually just means one has a psychological state relating to their father.
So, even women who had loving fathers can develop a father complex. Let’s look at what happens when a woman has too good of a father complex.
1. She has high standards for men
A woman may have a wonderful dad, and that’s great! But, more often than not most of the men in her life will never live up to her standards. For example, a man might not be as emotionally available or as selfless as her dad.
As a result, a woman with a good father complex will almost always be disappointed in her romantic relationships. It might take her a long time to find a man who does measure up to her standards. [Read: Higher standards and why going low only leads to lousy relationships]
2. She relies on men too much
If a father catered to his daughter’s every need while growing up, or if she was a “daddy’s girl”, she may continue to expect men to take care of her all the time. This behavior would make her become too dependent on men and not develop a sense of independence that is unrelated to men.
While that may or may not be bad *depending on your interpretation*, relying on other people too much can be to your disadvantage. [Read: 30 traits that make any girl a feisty, independent girl with a dangerous streak]
3. She might expect men to pay for everything
If her daddy always opened his wallet every time she asked for something, well, she might expect every man to do the same. While it’s great to be chivalrous, there is a fine line between chivalry and having a woman take advantage of a man.
4. She wants to be the center of attention
If she was constantly cherished by her dad, a woman with a good father complex might expect to be adored and the center of attention when it comes to other men in her life. This could get old pretty quickly. [Read: Signs of attention-seeking behavior that masks their insecurity]
What can you do about a father complex?
It’s not easy to overcome a severe father complex, but it is possible. It requires a lot of exploration and learning to accept the past. This is the only way to overcome a father complex and stop it from shaping your future and your behavior in the present day.
Of course, there are varying degrees of a father complex and some may be easier to overcome than others. It might be much easier to overcome a father complex that developed from having a great father, as opposed to one that developed from having a toxic father.
This is a large subject and there are countless ways to approach it, depending on each individual case. To begin, here are a few steps to take when learning to overcome a father complex. [Read: Ways to overcome power struggles in a relationship]
1. Identify your behaviors and why
You can’t start to overcome a father complex until you identify how you behave and why. Perhaps keep a journal and document the way you feel and act. Writing down your thoughts and actions can give you some very useful information about things you do daily without realizing it.
2. Delve back into the past
Once you’ve identified your troublesome behaviors, you need to identify their potential causes. This may be a difficult exercise, but you need to delve back into the past.
Doing so can help you identify the experiences that have led you to where you are now. However, take caution as this may be something you’ll need the support of friends and family for.
3. Accept that the past doesn’t have to shape your future
You cannot control your parent’s actions. It’s also not your fault that they acted in such a way that made you feel unloved and less than yourself. The only way you can overcome a father complex is by accepting the past, forgiving, and moving on.
This doesn’t mean that you forgive your parents for hurting you or forgive them for any actions they took. It means you forgive the situation, forgive yourself, and let it go.
Forgiving and letting go doesn’t mean that you’re saying what happened was okay, because it wasn’t. However, forgiveness is key in moving on from anything in life. You also need to forgive yourself for anything you have done as a result of your father complex. [Read: How to forgive someone – 15 positive ways to unburden your mind]
4. Identify your triggers and work to reduce them
What are your triggers? What makes you act or feel a certain way? For instance, if your partner doesn’t call when they say they will, does that make you worry that they’re going to leave you? Or, if your partner tries to move a little too fast in the relationship, does that cause you to back away?
Identify the things that push you into a corner or cause you to feel a negative way. Then, work out how you can reduce or even eliminate those things from your life.
5. Communicate with your partner
Your partner may be clueless as to why you react in a certain way to specific situations. Why not open up and talk about your past?
Communicating with your partner will help them understand you far better and they can help you to overcome your triggers as a team. You’re not alone in this, let your partner help.
6. Seek help from a therapist
Some people with a father complex need professional help to overcome the deep-rooted hurt and issues. If that’s you, do not feel worried or ashamed – asking for help is the strongest thing you can do. It is also the bravest step you will ever take to get your life back on track and allow you to have strong and positive relationships with others.
[Read: 15 traits that make any girl a high maintenance woman]
As you can see, there are a lot of things that may be the result of having a father complex. Maybe you know someone who has one, or maybe you have one yourself. Now that you know how to spot it, hopefully you’ll be able to deal with it better or even overcome it.
The post The Daddy Complex: 18 Signs & Effects of a Good or Bad Father On a Girl is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.
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