Have you ever wondered, “Why do men lie?” It’s not that women don’t lie, but you’ve no doubt met a man who tells a few questionable so-called “truths!”
Have you ever sat there and thought to yourself, probably in a state of confusion and frustration, “Why do men lie?” Let’s not assume that women never lie because they do, but it’s often for different reasons and in different ways. But most of us have found ourselves faced with a guy who simply can’t help but spin the truth a little.
In relationships, in particular, you’ll find harmless little white lies, but are they really that harmless? After all, isn’t a lie still a lie either way?
It’s important to remember that men and women communicate, love, and behave very differently from one another in many aspects. If you want to overcome challenges and make sure your relationship stays on track, it’s important to know those differences. [Read: Mars and Venus? Obvious gender differences in communication]
Sometimes lying can be good
Before we go on, we should point out that not all lies are bad, of course. Sure, lying about what you do for a living or whether or not you have kids could be grounds for ending the relationship, but lying about whether or not they look good in a specific pair of jeans is completely harmless.
Sometimes you have to lie to your significant other for the good of the relationship. You can’t always tell them when the food they made is terrible or that they’re gaining weight and you don’t like it.
The most common things men lie about
Men might not know that women know this, but they lie frequently. Although some lies may be unique and random, there are some things that men lie about often.
1. Their dating history and sexual experiences
A lot of men lie about their prior dating history. Most specifically, their sexual experiences. In our society, men are praised for being experienced, so men will often inflate the number of people they’ve been with to impress someone new. [Read: How to tell if he’s lying to you without asking him or confronting him]
2. Small and insignificant things
Men often lie about things many people would see as pointless. What do you get out of lying in these situations? Distance. A man who may be hesitant about committing to a relationship will lie about things like where they are, their plans, or who they’re with.
Even if they’re not cheating, they will lie to keep some distance between themselves and whoever they’re dating. Then, knowing that they lied and got away with it is a secret they have that keeps them from being fully committed. [Read: Is he a commitment-phobe? 20 ways to tell for sure]
3. Attraction to others
When a man tells you he doesn’t find a lingerie model attractive or claims that he wasn’t checking out a woman that walked by, they are often lying.
This isn’t because they think they are doing something wrong by finding others attractive, but because they’ve learned through experience and society that telling your partner about those attractions does not go down well.
4. Their mistakes
Like many people, men struggle to admit their mistakes. Even if they are aware and have learned from them, admitting them takes guts and trust that they may not have.
If a man cheats on an ex, they will likely lie about that to someone new because they don’t want to be considered a cheater. They don’t want that mistake or a poor choice in their past to define them. [Read: Relationship mistakes new couples make all the time]
5. Their fears
Society says that men should be brave and strong. A man who discusses his fears and openly worries wouldn’t be seen as manly.
Although this is highly toxic, men often lie to cover up their stress, fears, or worries. This could be anything from their fear of rejection to their own internal struggle for worthiness. [Read: When does a man matureemotionally and the signs he’s grown a real pair]
6. Their feelings
Most guys aren’t so great at talking about how they feel. Rather than open up and do that, they lie about what’s going on inside instead. It’s a form of self-preservation to avoid any awkward conversations that may make them feel even more uncomfortable.
7. Their sexual performance and fantasies
Most guys stretch the truth when it comes to their sexual performance. This is often when they’re bragging about what they got up to the night before! In addition, men often lie about their fantasies, too.
This is often down to the fear of judgment or the fear that people might laugh if they find out that they have a hot desire to try x, y, and z. [Read: Male sexual fantasies – 16 top dirty desires every guy has in mind]
8. Their mental state
This is an issue in society that really needs to be faced. Far too many people are quietly struggling with mental health issues because they’re worried about speaking out. Some men feel that if they admit that they’re struggling, it will make them weak.
It doesn’t! Admitting that you need help is the strongest thing you can do. Unfortunately, mental health is still one of the most common things guys lie about.
9. Their anger
Some men might tell you they’re not angry about something when, in fact, they’re seething inside. This is because they’re trying to push down their rage or forget about whatever it is that’s caused it.
Dealing with anger at its source is important because it has a nasty habit of building up and causing an even bigger problem otherwise.
As you can see, when asking, “Why do men lie?” it’s not always because they want to hurt you. Sometimes, it’s because they’re trying to avoid a problem. [Read: How to stop being angry – free your mind and stop hurting yourself]
10. The fact that they need you
Some men simply won’t admit that they need women in their lives. If only they could see that admitting it would make those women super-happy!
Men are allegedly supposed to be ultra-masculine and need nobody aside from themselves, but we all know this isn’t the truth. Regardless, guys will often avoid admitting this very real fact.
11. Their income
Society tends to judge people based on how much money they earn, so if a guy is earning less than wonderful amounts, he might feel pushed to inflate that number a little.
It could also be that he simply wants to brag and make out that he’s earning far more than he really is to attract someone. [Read: How to talk about money with your partner without fighting about it]
12. Their female friends
If a guy is in a relationship and still has some female friends, he might lie about them to his partner to stop her from feeling uncomfortable.
Of course, if nothing is going on, she would have nothing to feel uncomfortable about anyway, but he doesn’t see it that way.
Lying about female friends can often cause more harm than good because it breeds suspicion.
13. Being busy
We all lie about our schedule from time to time, usually to get out of something we don’t want to do. But it’s definitely something guys are guilty of doing very often!
14. Where they were
Guys often lie about where they are because they don’t want to admit the truth. It might not be that he was up to no good, but he might worry that you would think he was if he opened up completely. [Read: Why do people lie in relationships? Common reasons why we fib]
Why do men lie?
We have established that men lie, but why? Well, it’s probably for the same reasons that most people lie. But there are some unique reasons that seem to be more true for men.
1. To avoid conflict
This is the biggest reason men lie, especially to their partners. They claim that they’re lying to protect you, but in reality, it’s to protect themselves.
Let’s say that your boyfriend was flirting with a female coworker, and she didn’t know he was in a relationship. He won’t come home and tell you because he knows you’ll be upset, and he wants to prevent that. He doesn’t want to hurt you. At the same time, however, he doesn’t want your pain to impact him.
He knows that if he tells you the truth, you’ll be mad, but you’ll move on. While you’re mad, though, he will have to deal with that. What he doesn’t see is that if you were to find out from someone else, the hurt would be much deeper and longer lasting because he lied.
By not seeing this fact, he is worrying more about avoiding conflict than not hurting you. [Read: Do men have feelings? Why they act like they don’t care]
2. To impress
A man will lie about his income, his ability to lift weights, or his level of honesty to impress you. If he makes a mistake, he will lie about it because he doesn’t want to ruin your perception of him.
Essentially, he is preserving the vision you have of him as a good and honorable guy and doesn’t want to risk tainting that with truths that may be unflattering. [Read: How to impress your crush – 25 tips to steal their heart effortlessly]
3. To have sex
We hate to say this because it is crass, but it’s so true. Men do lie to get you into bed. As much as some men may like to believe this is false, it isn’t.
A man will claim he wants to get to know you, cook you dinner, or watch a movie when his true motive is to make a move and have it met with equal interest. No, not all men do this. Some really do want to get to know you and bond with you.
It can be hard to work out which side of the coin the truth lies on. [Read: 15 things immature men do and why you need to avoid them]
4. To get what they want
A guy who wants to stay home and watch the game with his buddies won’t tell you that because they foresee you being upset.
Instead, he will lie and say that you deserve a spa day with your friends. This may not be a blatant lie because you surely do deserve it, but he uses this to manipulate you into leaving so that he can get what he wants.
5. Because they feel ashamed
A guy may feel ashamed of something, and rather than open up and talk about it, he will lie to cover his tracks.
It’s a form of self-preservation, and it means he’s trying to keep your ideal vision of him intact. It really depends on what he’s feeling ashamed about as to whether or not this can be considered semi-honorable.
Is he lying because he feels ashamed of cheating on you? In that case – not good! Is he lying because he doesn’t want you to think that he’s somehow less of a man because he cried about his work situation the night before? [Read: Guilty conscience – what it is and 21 emotional signs of guilt people feel]
Can you see the difference?
6. To protect you
In some cases, men lie to protect you because they don’t want you to get hurt. Again, it depends on what they’re trying to protect you from. It’s also better to allow you to decide whether you want to be protected rather than just assume that you can’t handle whatever it is.
However, many men still believe that they need to be the strong ones in the relationship and stop anything hurting or upsetting their partner. [Read: Key differences – protective boyfriend or controlling boyfriend?]
What helps when handling lying men?
If you have a guy in your life whom you often catch lying, how should you handle it? Follow these steps to unravel his mistruths and hopefully make him see that telling the truth is a much better option.
1. Don’t acknowledge his lies at first
Sometimes the best thing to do when someone lies to you is just to ignore it. If you start to notice that he’s always full of rubbish and spewing out lie after lie, just ignore him. Don’t even mention anything.
In fact, don’t even talk to him when he starts telling you lie after lie. Most people tend to just give up and stop their behavior when they’re ignored. This is especially true for liars if they sense that you’re not buying into anything they’re saying. [Read: Ways to ignore people who ruin a perfectly good day]
2. Challenge his lies
If ignoring his lies just isn’t working for you, another way to get him to stop his lying is to challenge him. Ask him questions about the lies, and get some details.
Chances are, he’ll realize that you know he’s lying. He won’t be able to come up with anything to back up the lies. If you keep pushing and try to get more out of him, he’ll stop lying to you because he won’t always want to think up that much information.
3. Blatantly call him out on his lies
Sometimes, even challenging him isn’t enough to make a guy give up on his lying behavior. If that’s the case for you, simply call him out on his lies. Blatantly say that you know he’s lying.
Not only will this probably stun him because he’s not used to people calling him out on his lies, but he’ll also realize that he won’t get anything past you and stop the lies. Even a compulsive liar won’t want their mistruths to be uncovered. [Read: Avoid them like the plague – 16 types of guys not to date]
4. Explain that you don’t appreciate being lied to
This can be a hard thing to do when a guy gets defensive about lying. He might deny lying at all, even if you have proof.
The best thing to do is just explain that you don’t appreciate being lied to and that it’s not how you like to live your life. If they care about you in any way, they’ll acknowledge your feelings and ease up on the lies.
5. Don’t play into his lies
Don’t encourage him when he lies. Always know the truth, and don’t stray from that, no matter how convincing their lies seem to be. The truth is that you’ll be able to tell a truth from one of his lies.
Don’t be the person to dramatically react when he lies because that’s what makes him want to keep lying. Ignoring it and not questioning it is the best way to go about dealing with a guy that’s always full of lies. [Read: What makes someone a player?]
6. Try to understand why he lies
We know it can be really frustrating trying to figure out why this person who is supposed to care about you keeps lying, but there’s a reason for it.
Some people need to lie in order to make themselves feel worthy of your affection, and some lie because they’re just not confident in who they are, so they make up stories to sound better. The bottom line is that guys aren’t full of it just to be mean. Try and understand what it is they’re trying to prove. [Read: Types of guys to avoid dating]
7. Work on helping him with his problem
Don’t just talk about why he’s so full of lies, but actually work to help him with his problem.
If he sees that you’re willing to look past his insecurities, he’ll stop lying to you. In fact, he may even listen to you when you want to help him with his problem.
8. Try to trust him
Trusting someone that’s always lying is not an easy thing to do. But if you’ve followed all of the above advice and know that he’s working on being better, trust him.
When he sees that you trust him despite what he’s done in the past, he’ll realize you actually care about him. This lessens the likelihood that he’ll lie to you again. [Read: How to trust your boyfriend – questions to help you decide]
9. Make sure he knows that he doesn’t need to lie to impress you
The bottom line is that a lot of guys are full of it when they want to impress you. They make up these elaborate stories in order to look better in your eyes.
But if you do know that he’s full of lies, just explain to him that he doesn’t have to do anything to impress you because you already like him. Knowing this gives him less of a reason to lie, and it’ll be that much easier to deal with him. [Read: 25 signs and qualities that make a great boyfriend]
Either way, a lie is a lie
Dealing with a guy who is lying to you is difficult, but it’s important to explain why honesty is so important to you and that you are more disappointed in the fact that he lied than what he lied about. Try to explain that his not trusting you enough to tell you the truth has now broken your trust in him.
You both need to move forward by working on building honesty, no matter how difficult it may be to face or admit something. By being calm and having a mature discussion about your feelings, you are showing him that he is in a safe place with you so he can be honest without fear of outrage.
[Read: How to face relationship challenges and overcome them as a couple]
So, why do men lie? It’s not because they’re selfish snakes but because they’re human and imperfect.
The post Why Do Men Lie?! 29 Common Lies All Guys Say + Best Ways to Confront Him is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.
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