Men aren’t as complex as you may think. With these tips, you can learn what your man wants, how to fulfill his emotional needs, and meet his unspoken wishes.
Do you often find yourself wondering “what do men want?” They seem to say they want one thing, but when they have it, they no longer want it. Like any creature, sometimes what we think we really want, once obtained, is not what we thought it would be.
That leads to disillusionment. The problem is women continually look to please that guy in their lives, and sometimes it feels like no matter what they do, it isn’t right. That leads to feelings of failure and frustration.
If you find yourself going back and forth in your relationship, chances are, his needs aren’t being fulfilled. This is an indicator to reassess how you are treating the man in your life to meet his needs.
In all honesty, men aren’t as complicated as we like to think they are. All of our over-analyzing actually made them more complex than in reality. If you didn’t know what men want, you will after reading this.
The psychology behind human needs
Everyone has basic needs in life: water, food, shelter, and air. But a relationship requires more than these basic needs to flourish. There are emotional needs that have to be met for people to feel valued and accepted in life.
Often, emotional needs are ones that we cannot provide for ourselves, therefore they are dependent on our partner. When these emotional dependency needs are met by both partners, their relationship grows into a healthy and communicative bond.
On the other hand, when these emotional needs are not met, one or both partners suffer from dissatisfaction which then leads to breakups.
These emotional dependency needs are:
1. Affection
Affection comes in many forms in a relationship. You can practice affection through intimate touch, sexual intimacy, or kind words and gestures. Couples who practice affection have a stronger bond and a closeness to one another.
2. Acceptance
When a partner feels accepted, they feel like they belong in your life and are comfortable and secure in your relationship.
The relationship becomes a safe place where both parties can express their wants and desires without judgment.
3. Significance
People need to feel significant in life. They need to feel like they are making a contribution to their relationship and that they are special and unique individuals. [Read: 55 romantic text messages for him & ways to make a guy feel loved]
This emotional need is why having space apart in a relationship is important—it shows that you can be significant as your own person when not spending every moment with your partner.
4. Security
Everyone needs to feel secure in life. Security provides a sense of trust, respect, support, and of course, physical secureness. [Read: 47 sweet ways to tell someone you love them with your words & actions]
What men want in a relationship
Men want all of their emotional needs to be fulfilled just as you do. Below are ways that you can meet his needs to fulfill what he wants.
So if you thought men only wanted fast cars, hot girls, and video games, well, think again. There’s more to a guy than just those stereotypes. [Read: 30 facts about guys that can help you read his mind]
1. Men want to be desired
At the end of the day, men and women are very similar. They both want to be desired. So, if you’re playing hard to get, that’s fine. But at some point, you’ll have to let that go and make him feel wanted.
Pamper him in ways that show you truly desire him. Find unexpected ways to show him you want him as much as he wants you.
This doesn’t have to be a grand gesture, but small ways like a sweet message or initiating physical *and sexual* intimacy. Let him know he’s worth it. [Read: How to show a guy you desire him & charm him while being a real tease]
2. Men want a partnership
He wants to know that you’re there for him in the long run. You should be more than his girlfriend or his wife—you should be his best friend and his partner. A partnership fulfills his human need for security by being with someone he can feel free to be himself around.
3. Men seek maturity from their partner
Sure, it can be fun to be immature and childish with your man from time to time. But immaturity is a huge turn-off when it is a woman’s base personality. He wants to know that you can be as mature and as level-headed as he is.
When asking yourself “what do men want?” assess your emotional maturity and see if it compliments his. Do you maturely handle arguments? Are you serious about your relationship the same way he is?
Men want someone they can relate to and discuss things with. They don’t want to be babysitters. [Read: 20 signs of emotional maturity & traits that reveal a mature mind]
4. Men want honesty
Like women, men want honesty in a relationship. He can’t stand being left to assume what’s going on in your head. No matter how much we like to think men are mind-readers, they really aren’t.
So, be honest and straightforward with him. Show him you trust him enough to be truthful, and he will do the same. Establishing trust in a relationship lets him know he is someone you can depend on and it makes him feel significant in your life.
5. Men want to be complimented
Honestly, who doesn’t like compliments? Compliments are a great way of showing how much you pay attention to the small details about him while growing his confidence.
We’re not advising showering him with compliments so much that it looks fake. But, every once in a while, compliment aspects about him that you love. His hair, his cologne, his dedication, his cooking, his interests; there are a million great things about him he would appreciate hearing praised.
And if he goes out of his way for you, be sure to praise him for it. Remind him of how great his qualities are and that you value him as a man. [Read: 25 real compliments for guys they’ll never ever forget]
6. Men want you to know how to touch them
While we’re on the topic of what do men want, it’s important to emphasize that he wants to be yours. With that being said, he wants you to know how to touch him.
Non-sexual affection is just as important as sexual affection. Of course, you should learn in what ways he likes to be turned on, but what about when you’re not having sex?
Does he like his neck kissed, his muscles grazed, big hugs, or when you brush your fingers through his hair?
By touching him in ways he likes, you reassure him that you know him well and you want him to feel good. When he makes you feel good, remember to reciprocate the affection toward him. [Read: 20 loving & romantic touches in a relationship to make you feel closer]
7. Men want you to be confident
If you are insecure, your relationship has already failed before it has begun. Men want confident women they can openly communicate with.
Not only do you need to be confident in yourself, but you need to be confident about him. You should be able to trust him and not feel as if you need to monitor his every action. Doing so shows him you trust him and respect his independence.
8. Men want to help you
Whether it’s opening a pickle jar, fixing your car, or being there for you during a hard period of your life, men want to help you. It means a lot to a man when he can provide for his partner in any way possible. He wants to be someone you can always depend on to take care of you *and vice versa*.
9. Men want to have fun
Men love to try new things, embrace their playful side, and let their guard down to enjoy life. Having fun and unwinding is important if you’re wondering what do men want. [Read: 18 ways to become more spontaneous in life]
Being spontaneous and putting down the to-do list shows a man you’re willing to live in the moment with him and are willing to prioritize having fun, even if it’s just for a little while.
Being adventurous is a way to show a man you trust him and are comfortable around him as well.
10. Men want to feel appreciated
Even if he doesn’t show it, he wants to feel appreciated. The key to learning how to show a man you appreciate him is by understanding his love language.
Once you know his love language, you can take actions that reaffirm how much you appreciate him. If he prefers acts of service, go out of your way to cater to him. If physical touch is his language of love, start imitating affectionate touches more often. Remind him of how amazing he is if words-of-affirmation is his love style.
Going the extra mile to meet his love language shows him you appreciate him and is sure to fulfill his emotional needs. [Read: 50 sweet, caring ways to make your man feel special, appreciated & loved]
11. Men want you to have a sense of humor
Sharing a sense of humor is a great way to bond with someone. By being able to share a laugh together, you can connect with him in a carefree, lighthearted, and vulnerable way.
Men love when you can let go and enjoy playful moments together. He will appreciate you feeling relaxed around him, and he will definitely appreciate you laughing at his jokes!
[Read: Playful banter – what it is, how to do it & secrets to keep the flirty talk going]
12. Men want you to be sexually confident
It is important for men to know you’re comfortable around them. He is your protector, your safe space. So, he wants you to feel confident and sexy embracing yourself intimately.
He doesn’t want you to feel like you have to hold back during sex.
This not only shows him that you desire him, but it makes him feel like he is someone you can trust to be your true self around, no matter how vulnerable. This is another form of security and protection that he provides.
He wants you to feel sexy because you are sexy! [Read: Bad girl traits every guy wants to see in his own girl]
13. Men want to feel like they are the man
Men want to feel like men. That means he wants to feel like he’s your man, not some booty call or the “maybe” guy. He wants to have security knowing that you are his, and he is yours.
In short, he wants to be the guy for you.
14. Men want to feel supported
Just like women, men can also struggle with confidence and self-esteem. Having a woman to support him in achieving his goals instills confidence in him and lets him know you’re rooting for him.
Encouraging a man to be the best he can be is an important factor in learning what do men want from women. It means a lot to a man when the woman in their life is their number one fan, and it encourages him to do his best when he knows you’re always cheering him on. [Read: Depressed boyfriend – 25 signs & ways to help him with love & support]
15. Men want you to get along with their friends
By being friendly with his guy friends, you demonstrate that you care about his social life and interests. He doesn’t want any drama, and he certainly doesn’t want you to act disinterested and on your phone the entire time you’re out as a group.
It means a lot to him that you can at the very least be civil around his friends. This simple action assures him that you respect his independence and social life outside of your relationship.
16. Men want you to be independent
Just as he has his own friends, you should also have your own. Maintaining your independence is an important aspect of a healthy relationship. You shouldn’t have to rely on your partner’s company to survive.
Having a life outside of your partner makes your relationship all the more interesting. He will want to hear about how your day went, and you’ll be eager to hear about his too.
A clingy relationship is rooted in insecurity and drains one or both members in a relationship, so don’t worry about having a life outside of your boyfriend. [Read: Spirited steps to be independent in a relationship & love better]
17. Men want to share interests with you
As we said, being independent in your relationship is great. However, another thing men want is to be able to share their interests with you. Listening to him talk about his hobbies and being excited with him about his passions is something he will take to heart.
Make an effort to show you care about his interests and it will fulfill his need for acceptance. If he likes a sport, the gym, biking, video game, whatever it is, ask to join him and it will mean the world to him.
18. Men want you to be adventurous in bed
Now, this doesn’t mean you have to be tied up and gagged, but men want you to feel safe enough with them to explore new things during sex.
They don’t want to be the ones always initiating sex, either. Break out of your comfort zone a little to chase him the way he chases you.
You can send him a sexy text, talk dirty, or surprise him in lingerie once in a while to let him know you desire him, too. [Read: Secret qualities men crave to see in their girl]
19. Men want to be cared for
Men want to be cared for physically and emotionally, the same as women. Whether it’s receiving a massage after a hard day’s work or having someone to talk to, small gestures to show you care will strengthen your bond and let him know you’re someone he can confide in to be there for him.
20. Men don’t want to be pressured to be perfect
Men already face pressure from society to “act like a man” and to get every little detail right. So, when you can forgive a man for not being perfect, it means a lot to him.
Everyone makes mistakes, men included. Reassure him that despite his mistakes, you are there for him and you’re a team. [Read: 87 secrets to being a really good girlfriend & leave him happily addicted to you!]
21. Men want a healthy amount of space
Space is good in a relationship. If you are smothering the man in your life, chances are he is feeling suffocated. Men are naturally independent, so practice giving him space away from you without feeling insecure or starting an argument over it.
Also, be mindful of his time. He needs to have time to himself to reconnect with his hobbies and friends. It doesn’t mean he likes you any less if he needs his own space. [Read: You-complete-me relationships – why space is healthy in a relationship]
22. Men want to be your hero
Men are always looking to impress you. Whether you’ve just met or you’ve been married for 30 years, the man in your life wants to feel like a hero to you.
This instinct to be a hero comes from men’s need to feel valued and resourceful. He wants to feel like he protects you so that he is deserving of your affection.
The simplest things can trigger a man’s hero instinct: asking for his help, challenging him to solve a problem, celebrating his successes, and boasting about him in front of others. These acts can make him feel needed and valued in life.
23. Men want peace
If men want one thing, it is peace. He doesn’t want to argue, fight, or engage in any drama. This is why so many men come off as non-confrontational. [Read: How to resolve conflict – the 15 best ways to cut out the drama]
24. Men want you to keep them grounded
A common misconception about men is that they want women to be submissive and always do what they say, but this couldn’t be further from the truth. Men appreciate it when you call them out in a firm but noncontrolling way.
He needs you to be honest and upfront with him because you keep him grounded.
So, stand up for yourself if you feel treated unfairly. It shows that you value yourself and are emotionally mature enough to handle disputes like an adult.
The last thing he wants is for you to repress your feelings until you can’t contain them and you inevitably explode. As stated earlier, men want honesty and partnership. Even when times are tough, he will appreciate you sticking it through with him. [Read: 42 secrets to communicate better in a relationship]
25. Men want to be your priority
This is especially true if you are in a relationship. Men don’t want to feel like they come second in your heart to a television show or your bestie. He wants to be your number one priority the way you are his.
Never stop putting in the effort to show him you care about him or that he isn’t as interesting as your phone *yes, we are saying put the phone down when he enters the room*. You should always be looking for ways to show him he is your number one.
26. Men want unconditional love
Like everyone, men want unconditional love. Despite his hardships or mistakes, he wants to know you’ll be there for him the way he is there for you.
Be someone he feels security in knowing that he can be himself to the fullest. Love him for his weirdness, for his quirks, and show him you accept and love him for who he is.
Learn to overlook the small things and put your judgment aside. Your relationship should feel like a breath of fresh air for both of you to be your true authentic selves. [Read: What is unconditional love really?]
What men don’t want in a relationship
Now that we’ve discussed what men want in relationships, it’s important to talk about the things he doesn’t want.
By default, if you avoid doing these things, you will be giving a guy exactly what he wants, whether he admits it or not. If he still isn’t happy, then it is all on him.
1. Don’t mother him
First and foremost, men do not want you to be their mother. Guys already have a mother. Whether they like her or not, they certainly don’t want to live with her again.
A guy likes to feel in control and powerful, so treating him like a two-year-old is not what he wants from the woman he loves. [Read: How to be a good girlfriend – things you HAVE to do]
2. Don’t meddle in every part of his life
Men like to keep some anonymity in the relationship. Not all guys are as self-disclosed as women. That leads to a lot of misunderstanding between the sexes. [Read: 18 secrets to get a man to open up, communicate & understand you]
If he keeps things from you, it feels like he isn’t honest or trustworthy, but he may just be trying to hold onto a little piece of himself for fear he is losing everything in the relationship.
This is why giving him enough space and privacy is important.
3. Don’t try to control him
No man likes to be led around by the nose or told what to do, just as women don’t like to either. It is important that he doesn’t feel boxed in or pressured to do things in the relationship for the sake of playing along.
This will only suffocate him and cause him to pull away. [Read: Controlling vs. caring – a thin line controlling people love to cross]
4. Don’t make every decision for him
Once in a while, men will appreciate it when you plan a weekend for them. But outside of thoughtful gestures and surprises, men like to make decisions for themselves.
If they say “I don’t care,” what they mean is “I don’t want to deal with it.” Those are two very separate things. When possible, try not to make decisions for him that he can make himself. [Read: 15 types of girlfriends who make a guy’s life a living hell
Men don’t want to be pressured into making decisions. This goes for relationship decisions, too. If you are sensing that a guy doesn’t want to commit to your relationship, move on. If he’s blown off the idea of being official, you can find someone who really wants to be with you, rather than a maybe.
5. Don’t try to change him
Although seemingly clueless, men are pretty intuitive creatures. Men don’t like when you try to change them.
Women have this need to shine their guys up and make them all polished, but that is not what they want. They want you to love them for who they are, their faults, and all, the same as you. [Read: 30 facts about guys that can help you read their mind]
6. Don’t set him up on play dates
No guy wants to hang out with your girlfriend’s boyfriend just because. We get it, it can be hard to find couple friends you both get along with, but men don’t like to be forced together if they don’t have much in common.
While you ladies are chatting it up, the guys check their watches and resent you for parading them around like children in need of pity friends.
7. Don’t bombard him with questions
Although we like to think men know the answer to everything, they really don’t. Not only is it annoying to ask questions you know he doesn’t have the answer to, but too many questions make men uncomfortable.
Holding your expectations of him too high can damage his self-esteem. Remember, he is only human just like you. He can’t know the answer to everything. And he certainly can’t read your mind if you don’t tell him what you’re thinking.
8. Don’t have a laundry list of all the things wrong
Just like you, men don’t want to hear about all the things that went wrong, all the ways they screwed up, or all of the things broken and needing to be fixed.
Try to be less critical of him and approach things he’s done wrong in a mature and thoughtful way. Although men are seen as tough and strong, they still deserve sensitivity and care from their partners.
9. Don’t embarrass him or tell people things about him
Even if it was hilarious that he fell over in the tub drunk last weekend, and you found him in his own pee, he doesn’t want you to tell the story to other people… especially when he is standing right there.
Instead of making him the butt of every joke, boast about how amazing of a man he is. Learn to respect his privacy the way he respects yours. [Read: Things you say or do that emasculate your man]
10. Don’t dress him
Only mothers dress their children, and as we’ve stated before, he doesn’t need you to be his mother. He is a grown damn man, so let him dress himself!
Give him space to let his individuality shine. As long as he is confident in what he wears, be happy for him. If you don’t love his quirky taste in fashion, then love him for looking like an idiot.
11. Don’t be passive-aggressive with him
There is no denying that you get passive-aggressive with him when you feel like your needs aren’t being met. We don’t blame you, being passive-aggressive feels good in the moment.
However, this tone only furthers both of you from your goal of understanding one another.
Men appreciate when you can be upfront and handle disputes like an adult. So, instead of texting him “K,” or being short-tempered with him, communicate how you’re feeling and what your needs are.
You would want him to do the same. [Read: How to stop being passive-aggressive & get out of the toxic state of mind]
12. Don’t assume he is a mind-reader
All men want their women to be happy. With that being said, when you are unhappy, he feels like it is his personal responsibility to fix it.
He doesn’t know how to help you if you don’t express how you feel. He isn’t a mind-reader, so talk your feelings through openly and honestly with him.
If you are unhappy with something he did, he will appreciate knowing how to better himself for you. If you’re upset by something totally irrelevant to your relationship, like work or a problem with a friend, it will make him feel good knowing he’s someone you can confide in.
13. Don’t ignore his interests
Men who love you will suffer through chick flicks and shopping sprees at the mall with you. However, just because he is willing to do things you want to do, don’t ignore his requests.
If he would rather do one of his hobbies, do it with him. Watching The Notebook is just as important as playing his favorite video game with him. Don’t neglect what he wants to do either.
14. Don’t go to guys’ night out
As we said earlier in the feature, it is important to have individuality and space in a relationship. With that being said, if you weren’t invited along to his guys’ night out, don’t go. And more importantly, don’t shame him for not inviting you.
He needs his space away to hang out with his friends just as much as you do. If it deeply upsets you, then try scheduling a time for both of you to hang out with friends together. But make sure he still has his time away from you to be with his friends.
[Read: Healthy relationships – 27 signs, qualities & what it looks like in real life]
15. Don’t assume he is always thinking something
Can you imagine? You are quiet, but there is nothing going on upstairs.
That doesn’t typically happen to women. If they are quiet, their heads are talking a mile a minute.
Stop worrying his silence means he is upset, angry, or thinking about how bad sex was. He really cannot think anything at all, strange but true.
16. Don’t dote over him
Unless sick, men don’t want you to be all up in their faces. It is okay to make a big deal of them once in a while, but continually sacrificing yourself for their needs makes them feel like they are taking advantage of you, and no one can feel good about taking advantage of someone else.
[Read: How to fix a broken relationship – 15 tips to make it last]
How to give a guy what he wants
Giving a man what he wants is all about understanding his individual needs in your relationship and in his life. Every man is different, and he will prioritize some emotional needs over others.
The three foundations for fulfilling a man’s emotional needs are:
1. Respect his boundaries
When you respect a man’s boundaries, you give him the privacy he needs. This shows that you trust him, you trust your relationship, and you don’t feel obligated to track his every movement. It also shows that he can trust you as well.
[Read: Why am I codependent? 37 reasons & signs you overstep boundaries in love]
2. Have clear communication
You should feel confident that you can have clear and thoughtful communication with the man in your life. Not only can you talk about the little things in life like work and hobbies, but you can communicate your emotional needs to each other without judgment.
You should both check up on each other to ensure you are having your needs met. Pay attention to how he is feeling just as he would do the same for you.
3. Explore new things together
When you explore new things together, you are growing together instead of apart. Go out of your way to learn a new skill together, schedule date nights, or get out of your comfort zone to do one of his hobbies with him.
By doing so, you show that you value him as a man and that you are excited about life together. [Read: What to look for in a guy – 20 things that matter beyond looks]
Men aren’t as complex as society thinks. If you want to know what they want, think about what you want, and likely they want the same thing. Men and women really aren’t so different from one another.
The post 49 Things Men Want in a Relationship & the Bad Traits that Push Guys Away! is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.
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