Empathic Narcissist: What It Means, 15 Unique Traits & How to Cope with Them

Most people think that a narcissist is not capable of feeling or showing empathy. But have you heard of an empathic narcissist? They really do exist.

Empaths are good people and narcissists are bad people. Is that something you agree with? Well, enter the empathic narcissist, to completely destroy everything you think you know.

Total contradiction, but it’s something that actually does exist.

Are narcissists bad?

We demonize narcissists in this day and age, simply because we hear so much about them in a negative voice. 

It’s vital to point out that a real narcissist, one who actually has Narcissistic Personality Disorder, is someone with a real condition. That means that their narcissism is something they are unable to avoid without help.

However, those suffering from genuine NPD are few and far between. The other narcissists are just, well, cold and uncaring. [Read: How to start a new life and move on from the toxicity for good]

That might be unfair. If you’ve ever been in a relationship with a narcissist or been close to one, you’ll understand why most people agree that narcissists aren’t the greatest people to have in your life.

Simply a good versus bad situation?

The black-and-white description above is something a lot of people subscribe to. But we have to delve a little deeper than that. 

Surely not every narcissist on the planet is bad – it’s actually a personality disorder. You can’t label someone bad when they have a condition they can’t control, after all. [Read: Gray rock method – what it is, 23 secrets, and how to use it on a narcissist]

Similarly, just because someone has the ability to feel the emotions of someone else, it doesn’t automatically make them an earth angel, someone capable of healing and the like.

We’ve been hardwired into believing a good versus bad argument when it comes to empaths and narcissists. 

While being around a narcissist is definitely not a picnic, there is a grey area we all need to learn more about. [Read: How to set boundaries with a narcissist and weaken their hold over you]

The personality point 

You see, personalities are never cut and dried and can rarely be put into strict categories. 

Just because someone is empathic, i.e. they are quite sensitive and take on the emotions of other people as their own, it doesn’t mean that they aren’t capable of narcissistic behavior on occasion.

On the flip side, there are several different types of narcissists. We’re led to believe that narcissists are loud, proud, and strong. [Read: Narcissistic relationship – 36 signs, how it feels, patterns, and how to end it]

But there are many introverted and even shy narcissists out there. As you can see, personalities are difficult things to put into boxes.

So, what is an empathic narcissist?

An empathic narcissist identifies with both sides of the argument. They mostly believe that they’re a victim – a victim of feeling the emotions of other people. 

And they view it as a very negative thing in their lives. But they don’t show much in the way of sympathy or caring for the people around them. They are centered on themselves and the pain they feel. [Read: How to handle a relationship as an empath]

This isn’t all empaths at all. A genuine empath, an empathic empath is someone with a great sense of empathy and who really cares. 

This type of empath is open to feeling emotion. They’ve learned how to deal with it and manage it for themselves.

An empathic narcissist is therefore someone who doesn’t appreciate their empathic skills. They’re someone who actually resents them and doesn’t want to be open to emotions. [Read: Covert narcissist – what it is, 42 signs, and how to see the games they play]

This type of empath refuses to feel vulnerable emotionally and puts up a wall. As a result, they show very little in the way of caring for others and certainly no empathy toward others.

Confusing, right?

It’s best if we highlight a few traits you might notice in someone who is actually an empathic narcissist.

Common traits of an empathic narcissist 

It’s important to point out that every single person is different. [Read: Can a narcissist change? Why it’s hard and subtle signs they’ll change for you]

Don’t take the points below as a tick list and use them to diagnose whether someone is indeed an empathic narcissist or not. What you should do is use these signs as a guide and to inform your judgment.

We all display certain personality traits on occasion which aren’t really in keeping with our character. It doesn’t mean we have suddenly shifted to another type. Personality traits are fluid!

However, with that in mind, an empathic narcissist will usually show the following signs on a regular basis. [Read: 29 subtle signs to spot a narcissist and read NPD in a relationship]

1. A generally negative outlook

A narcissistic empath believes the world owes them a favor because of all of the feeling they have to do. This means their outlook is quite negative in general.

They’re more likely to err on the side of darkness in their thoughts than light. 

For instance, you might say “the weather is so nice today,” but they would turn that thought into “I’m so sick of it being hot.” [Read: How to deal with the Negative Nancy in your life]

2. Jumping from emotional lows to acting above others

Narcissistic empaths really don’t have their empathy in check. That means they can easily jump between feeling upset and hurt, acting the victim, to playing the role of being above everyone else. 

This victim and superior figure routine can be extremely exhausting for those around them.

3. An inability to handle criticism

A narcissist isn’t able to handle criticism, whether real or imagined, and neither is an empathic narcissist. They will quickly become down, upset, or annoyed by the slightest critical comment. [Read: Narcissistic supply – how to control a narcissist and cut their power]

4. The blame game

In the mind of an empathic narcissist, they are the victim. They have been handed an unfair deal by having to feel the emotions of others. 

As a result, they find it difficult to take responsibility for anything they say and do. Instead, they always blame the unfairness of life for whatever they do or don’t do.

5. Becoming engrossed in their own feelings

An empathic narcissist can become so bogged down with their own problems and emotions that they cannot see anyone else’s. [Read: How to spot manipulative people and stop playing the victim]

That’s quite ironic when you consider they feel the emotions of others. The lack of care towards other people, even when they’re aware of their emotions, is what makes them stand apart.

6. Playing the victim to control others

That victim mindset can be used to the advantage of an empathic narcissist. They use it to control other people, and manipulate them into doing things they may not want to or to stay in a situation they’re unhappy with.

7. “No one understands me” 

The empathic narcissist genuinely believes that their problems are more important and special than anyone else’s. [Read: Narcissist and empath – whey they’re a match made in dating hell]

Theirs should be dealt with first. They also believe that nobody could possibly understand their empathic problems because they are so unique.

8. Feeling under attack

An empathic narcissist doesn’t view their empathic gift as something special, they see it as a curse. 

They feel constantly under attack by the emotions of other people, the energies around them, and even nature. This leads to more victim-playing. [Read: Narcissistic rage – how to handle the angry backlash of a narcissist]

9. Feeling special and superior

The inherent definition of a narcissist is that they think they are better than everyone else and that the world revolves around them. They think they should be treated special and people should kiss their feet.

An empathic narcissist believes this even more so because they’re ‘bestowed’ with this ‘incredible gift’ of feeling other people’s emotions… while simultaneously not caring about them!

10. Passive-aggressive

Along with playing the victim, they are also passive-aggressive.

For example, they might avoid responsibility for tasks, procrastinate, miss deadlines, withhold information, or purposely underachieve even though they shouldn’t.

11. Self-martyrdom

They also pretend to be a martyr – someone who sacrifices something of great value for the sake of principle. But what they’re actually sacrificing, we’re not sure.

They choose this “suffering” in order to elicit sympathy, love, and admiration. It is also meant to evoke guilt. [Read: Martyr complex – what it is, 20 signs of martyrdom syndrome, and ways to fix it]

How to cope with an empathic narcissist 

If you feel like you have an empathic narcissist in your life, it might be difficult to deal with them. But there are some coping mechanisms you can try in order to make your life a little easier:

1. Practice objective communication

Many narcissists like to gaslight their victims. In other words, they try to make them question reality or their own sanity. They do this to have power over them and use them to their advantage.

But you have to prevent them from doing things like this to you. Instead, be objective in your communication.

Don’t allow them to weave their web of lies into a fantasy world that they expect you to believe in. Call them out. [Read: How to communicate better in a relationship and fix a lack of it]

2. Know what battles to pick

Everyone has battles with other people every day – it’s just human nature and inevitable. But if you try to fight every single battle that comes your way, it will become exhausting.

So, that’s why you need to learn to become a good judge of when you should and shouldn’t start a confrontation with an empathic narcissist. Sometimes it is helpful, but other times it might just backfire. And that won’t work to your advantage.

3. Allocate your “me-time” every day

When you are around an empathic narcissist, they can act as an energy vampire. They suck the life and positivity out of you quite often. And that is overly draining. [Read: Alone time – why you need it, how it helps, and how to make the most of it]

So, that’s why you have to get away from them as much as you can. Make sure you have some “me-time” as often as you can. It doesn’t matter if it’s a bubble bath or a walk around the neighborhood. Just get away when you can.

4. Seek professional help

Dealing with an empathetic narcissist is not an easy thing to do. If you feel like you have tried everything you can but you are still struggling, then you might want to consider seeking professional help if you can afford it.

A therapist or psychologist will listen to your problems and suggest solutions you can try.

If you are married or in a romantic relationship with a narcissist, you might want to try to get them to go to therapy with you, although they might resist. [Read: Relationship therapy – 25 clues to know if it’ll help your romance]

Final thoughts

These are some of the most common traits you will see in an empathic narcissist. Perhaps the most important is the fact that they simply don’t exhibit the same empathy towards other people that an empathic empath does. 

This type of empath cares about others. They might not appreciate being bombarded with overloading emotions, but they care regardless. [Read: Narcissistic sociopath – how they think, 31 signs, and ways to deal with them]

A narcissistic empath on the other hand feels burdened and doesn’t care about what they’re noticing about another person. 

In fact, they don’t really notice it, they simply see it as a distraction they’d rather brush off.

[Read: How to stop being a doormat and gain control of your life again]

A lack of empathy isn’t something you would normally associate with the empath phrase, but an empathic narcissist is quite a special breed. Now that you know how to spot an empathic narcissist and how to deal with one, good luck!

The post Empathic Narcissist: What It Means, 15 Unique Traits & How to Cope with Them is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.