Reverse Psychology: What It Is, How It Works, 26 Signs & Secrets to Use It

It’s frustrating when you can’t get people to do what you want them to do. So, sometimes you can try to use reverse psychology to your advantage. 

Sometimes the direct approach just doesn’t work. You ask someone to do something, and they either forget or just don’t do it. Frustrating, right? Well, have you considered how to use reverse psychology to your advantage?

It is a very effective way to get people to do what you want without actually having to come out and ask. Sure, it’s a little sneaky and underhanded, but as long as what you’re asking for isn’t hurting anyone, where’s the harm?

What is reverse psychology? 

Reverse psychology is a strategy that is used to persuade someone to do something by pretending that you want them to do the opposite. The goal of it is to encourage the person to do what you actually want them to do. 

It is also known as “strategic self-anticonformity.” 

The theory behind reverse psychology is that when you push for the person to do the opposite of what you want, they will choose to “self-rebel” against what you are asking them to do.

And thus, you get the behavior that you wanted from them in the first place. [Read: Gray rock method – what it is, 23 secrets, and how to use it on a narcissist]

For example, if a wife wants her husband to cook dinner one night, she might tell him that she knows he doesn’t want to and wouldn’t have the time to do it anyway. As a result, her husband might do it just to prove her wrong.

It can be seen as a form of manipulation or simply a way of managing someone’s difficult and defiant behavior.

Usually, the person who is having reverse psychology used on them is unaware of what is happening and doesn’t know the other person’s true motives. [Read: How ignoring someone for attention works and how to do it]

The temptation to rebel 

Reverse psychology works because, as we said, humans like to rebel against what we’re supposed to do.

If you’re told not to open a box, you’ll open it or be extremely tempted to do so. 

You want to know why you shouldn’t open it. Also, part of you feels drawn to that box because it’s somehow taboo, it’s off-limits.

You can use reverse psychology in any situation because it always taps into that human desire to rebel. 

It’s the side of us that wants to be a little bit naughty, that doesn’t want to do as we’re told, and wants to push the boundaries. You can use that to get what you want or get someone to do what you want. [Read: Am I a manipulative person? How to look at yourself and know]

Is it okay to manipulate people using reverse psychology?

Remember that this isn’t a tactic you should use for negative reasons. Only ever use reverse psychology for light-hearted things. Otherwise, you run the risk of becoming a manipulator. Nobody wants to be one of those. [Read: Proven strategies you can use to manipulate people instantly]

So, if you want someone to run an errand, want someone to be on time, or your partner to cook dinner because you can’t be bothered, these are all valid reasons for using reverse psychology. 

You’re basically making them think that what you’ve suggested was actually their idea all along. Of course, that’s not the truth, you’ve just played with their mind a little! [Read: The burning question – Why are people mean to nice people]

But if you use it too often to control someone’s actions, perhaps on a regular basis or get them to do things that they don’t really want to do but feel guilty if they don’t, stop and ask yourself what your motivation is.

Reverse psychology is often used by narcissists. Narcissists use it as a form of manipulation and control. [Read: Controlling people – 32 common traits, signs, and ways to deal with them]

However, it doesn’t have to be this way when used with positive reasons in mind. You’re not being manipulative by simply getting your child to clean their room or a friend to be on time for a change!

Impact of reverse psychology

Reverse psychology not only has its advantages but disadvantages as well. 

One good thing is that it can be a way to get people to do things that are in their best interest. [Read: Psychological manipulation – how it works, 37 tactics, signs, and ways to deal]

For example, if you’re trying to get your children to develop positive or healthy habits, then that is a good reason to use it. Or if someone is rebelling against social norms, it can encourage them to have more socially acceptable behavior.

However, you using this kind of persuasion on people can make them feel like they cannot trust you. They will feel like you manipulated them and could become resentful.

It’s also not a good option if you’re dealing with someone who has low self-esteem. They often don’t even trust themselves or their own judgment, so they are more likely to listen to other people’s opinions than their own. [Read: Dating someone with low self-esteem – what it’s like for both of you]

Signs of reverse psychology

Whether you are suspicious that someone is using reverse psychology on you, or you want to know how to do it correctly, here are some signs that it’s happening.

1. A person might make overly negative comments that seem to be designed to garner a reaction

This might happen if a parent is frustrated that their child is getting bad grades. [Read: Proven secrets to manipulate people and convince them to do something]

So, they might tell the child that they are lazy or not smart enough to get higher grades. They are secretly hoping it will motivate the child to do better in school.

2. You feel like someone wants you to do something, but they won’t make a direct request

This could happen if a spouse goes around complaining about how messy the house is. Then they also complain about never having the time to do it.

So, they are hoping the other person will get the hint and do it themselves without them having to ask.

3. They keep harping on the same idea to the point that you find yourself wanting to do the opposite

Maybe someone is wanting to go partying and drinking all the time.

And the other person usually likes doing it, but when it becomes too much, then they feel like they want to stop because it’s just too much. [Read: Duper’s delight – how to read the signs and avoid getting manipulated]

4. They have more to gain if you do the opposite of what they are suggesting

Let’s say a parent has a hard time getting their child to clean up their room. The more they ask, the less they do it.

So, the parent could actually say that they should leave their room the way they want to – dirty. But it’s obvious that the parent has nothing to gain from this.

5. The choice they are arguing in favor of isn’t consistent with their past choices

If someone consistently makes chore lists for their family members and then announces that they’re going to stop doing it, that could be reverse psychology too.

They are hoping their family will feel guilty for not doing their chores when they don’t have a list.

How to use reverse psychology without being found out

Reverse psychology isn’t difficult. In fact, the concept is pretty easy to follow.

Basically, you want a person to do something, e.g. arrive on time, do a task for you, but if you ask them to do it, you’re quite sure that it won’t happen. [Read: How to make someone feel guilty and understand the pain they caused you]

So, you use reverse psychology to trick them in the nicest possible way. You do this by telling them to do the opposite, relying upon the most basic human behavior – rebellion.

Here are some reverse psychology strategies you can use:

1. Discourage the desired behavior

“You shouldn’t do that.” So, if a parent wants a child to go to college, they might discourage them from doing it for a variety of reasons. [Read: How to manipulate men – the art of getting a guy to do what you want]

2. Forbid the desired behavior

“Don’t do that.” If a person wants their partner to apply for a promotion or a better job, they might tell them not to because it would be too much responsibility. 

3. Suggest that the person couldn’t do the desired behavior

“I bet you couldn’t do that anyway.” Maybe a parent wants their child to run for president of the student council. But then they suggest that they can’t do it because it would be “too much for them.”

4. Down talk the desired behavior

“I would never pick that.” If a wife wants her husband to wear nicer clothes, then she might talk down other men who wear a certain kind of dress shirt or tie. [Read: Lazy people – 50 wily ways they manipulate others to work for them]

5. Compare the desired behavior unfavorably to something else

“You should do this because it’s so much better than that.” Maybe a person wants their spouse to open up a business.

Then, they would say that they should stay at their job because it’s so much better than being an entrepreneur.

Tips for using reverse psychology 

If there’s someone in your life who is stubborn and you think you want or need to use reverse psychology on them, then you can learn to do it. Here are some tips:

1. Only use this tactic sparingly

You can’t use it all the time. If you do, it will eventually become obvious and you will out yourself. When that happens, it will never work again. So, use it only when you absolutely need to. [Read: The psychological facts about relationships everyone should know]

2. Don’t use reverse psychology to manipulate people

Reverse psychology shouldn’t be used to harm or manipulate people to your own advantage. You should be ethical when you use it. Only use it if you think that it will not only help you but the other person too.

3. Know when to use it best, usually with someone who tends to be argumentative or contrarian

Reverse psychology works best on people who are stubborn, argumentative, or like to go against popular opinions.

Not that it doesn’t work on other people too, but average people probably won’t give you as much pushback as someone like that. 

4. Remind the other person that they have a choice

Not only do you not want to use reverse psychology on someone to manipulate them to your advantage, but you also want to stress that you aren’t forcing a decision on them. [Read: Sneaky people – 20 subtle signs and what defines sneaky behavior in someone]

That way, they will make the choice out of their own free will.

5. Don’t argue too hard for the thing you don’t actually want

You might make the mistake of thinking that the harder you argue for the “opposite” of what you want, the more you will be successful. But it doesn’t always work that way. They’ll either figure you out or it will backfire on you.

6. Be willing to suffer the consequences if the other person makes what you think is the wrong choice

Speaking of backfire, it might not always go the way you want it to go. [Read: 42 signs and ways to see manipulative behavior and stop being used by people]

If the person catches on to you, they might do what you don’t want them to do just to spite you. Or, if they believe you, then the outcome could still be not the one you want.

7. Consider other, more honest options that can lead to better communication

Sure, reverse psychology seems like a great tool to get what you want out of someone. However, it’s not the best strategy to use on a regular basis or long term. So, try to work on your communication skills together with the other person.

The meaning of reverse psychology in relationships

While reverse psychology can work to your advantage sometimes, that doesn’t mean that it won’t have an impact on your relationships. Here’s how:

1. It means that your relationship is based on dishonesty

In essence, reverse psychology is lying. You’re telling someone something the opposite of what you really think, feel, and want. And what is that? Lying. Sure, it might not seem like it is, but be honest with yourself – it is.

2. It doesn’t build trust

Because reverse psychology is lying, it doesn’t lead to building trust. If the other person catches on that you use it on them, then they won’t know when you’re telling the truth or lying. [Read: 20 BIG-but-subtle signs and gestures to tell if someone is lying to your face]

And relationships that aren’t built on trust don’t last very long.

3. It can backfire in a highly destructive way

If the other person realizes that you are using reverse psychology on them, they can become resentful. It’s not exactly fair to them.

Plus, even if they don’t catch on, they might actually end up doing and becoming what you were trying to prevent.

4. It’s not viable long-term

As we said earlier, if you’re going to use it, then you have to use reverse psychology sparingly. You can’t do it all the time. [Read: Toxic relationship – what it is, 107 signs, causes, and types of love that hurts you]

Therefore, it’s not a viable strategy to use all the time as a relationship goes on. So, it can’t be used long-term.

5. You can lose sight of who you are

Because reverse psychology is based on deception, you might find yourself becoming deceptive in other ways too. It could spill over into other parts of your personality.

If that happens, you could lose sight of who you are, and that is never good.

6. It can become addictive

If you have used reverse psychology and it’s been successful in the past, you might want to use it all the time. [Read: Emotional masochist – 24 signs you’re addicted to pain and drama]

Anything in life can become addictive, and manipulating people is no different. So, you’ll have to keep your eye on yourself regarding this too.

7. You don’t grow as a person

A better thing to do than using reverse psychology is to choose the right people to have in your life, and hopefully, you won’t have to use it on them. And you also aren’t learning new and better ways to communicate. So, you don’t grow as a person.

Potential pitfalls

As you might have guessed by now, there are some pitfalls to using reverse psychology, so use it with caution. Here are some things to consider. [Read: Being sneaky in a relationship – is it really such a bad thing?]

1. Damage to your relationships

People in your life could figure you out and know that you are intentionally trying to manipulate them. And it will eventually destroy the trust they had in you.

They will constantly wonder if your motives are good or bad, and they might not trust anything you say.

And because of this, they will probably feel like they can never truly know who you are as a person and what you really want. This can eventually destroy a relationship over time. [Read: Trust issues in a relationship – 22 whys and ways to get over it together]

2. The potential to backfire

When you use reverse psychology on someone who is a people-pleaser and doesn’t want to disappoint anyone, then it has the potential to backfire. They might actually do the opposite of what you want because they think it’s what you actually want.

If this happens, then you’ll either have to confess that you were trying to manipulate them or try to figure out why you changed your mind. Either way, it will be awkward and can have the potential to hurt your relationship.

[Read: How to stand up for yourself and get what you want and deserve]

Learning how to use reverse psychology isn’t difficult. But know the limits. Don’t use it too often, and only ever use it for things that create a greater good.

The post Reverse Psychology: What It Is, How It Works, 26 Signs & Secrets to Use It is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.