No one deserves to be bullied. But if people walk all over you, then you need to learn how to stand up for yourself so you can stop the bullying for good.
If people walk all over you or exert their power over you, then you need to act. Always adopting the ‘Gandhi’ stance on situations won’t help you live a normal life and won’t help those people change their behavior.
[Read: 42 signs and ways to see manipulative behavior & stop being used by people]
The only way to stop other people from treating you badly is to plant your feet on the ground and start standing up for yourself.
Sure, this is easier said than done. Standing up for yourself can be quite a challenge if you’re used to letting others get their way at your expense. But once you’ve learned to make your first firm stand against someone, you’ll realize that being assertive is liberating and life-changing.
Why might you struggle to stand up for yourself?
First of all, if you struggle to stand up for yourself, just know that you’re not alone. Almost everyone wishes that they were more confident or assertive in some area of their life.
But with that said, that doesn’t mean you have to live your life under the foot of other people. [Read: 48 real secrets to change your life and find the right path when you’re lost]
But why might you struggle with standing up for yourself?
A common cause is how you grew up. If you had strict parents who punished or scolded you for speaking up, you’re likely going to grow up to be quiet, subservient, and bad at standing up for yourself.
The same is true if you had a lot of chores or responsibilities to handle from a young age, and you were told off if you couldn’t keep up with them.
Or, you might be struggling with low self-esteem. If you don’t naturally believe in yourself, then you won’t feel confident enough to stand up for yourself. After all, when you stand up for yourself, you’re potentially going to inflict conflict against someone that is trying to use you.
If you have low self-esteem, you might do what you can to avoid conflict. And so, you let people walk all over you. [Read: 10 signs of low self-esteem and 5 ways to increase it]
Regardless of what the cause is, it’s important that you know why you don’t naturally stand up for yourself. Why? Because knowing where or how your inability to stand up for yourself originates is powerful in helping you overcome your difficulties and finally stand up for yourself.
Why should you learn how to stand up for yourself?
The first question from someone who’s used to getting pushed over is, “why bother?” Why, indeed, if you’ve managed to survive this long with letting others walk over you? [Read: 28 self-improvement secrets to improve yourself & transform yourself into your best self]
Here are some reasons:
1. People will respect you
If you are one who is known to have a firm stand on something, people will recognize you as someone to respect.
They will learn that you are not one who can be easily swayed by mere intimidation or peer pressure, and so they will likely consider your point of view.
2. Standing for yourself develops character
Once you stand up against adversity, it gives you a different perspective about yourself and your personality. This also develops leadership qualities, public speaking abilities, and improves decision-making skills.
3. You’ll get what you want and deserve
Asking a bully to stop, disagreeing with a pushy boss, and asserting what you want are merely tipping the scales into your favor, as they should have been in the first place. [Read: Build your self-esteem – 35 funny things to tell yourself]
How to stand up for yourself
So those are all great reasons to speak your mind, but exactly how do you stand up for yourself? It’s easier for some people than others. But with these tips, you’ll become assertive in no time.
1. Practice when you can
We hate to say it, but once you finish reading this feature, you’re not going to unlock the secret to standing up for yourself and instantly become a brand new person.
It’s going to be a slow process from now on to unlock the self-sufficient, strong person you want to be. So, take baby steps to begin with. Practice the tips below every now and then until you feel more comfortable and confident to do them more often.
Eventually, it won’t be a purposeful decision to practice standing up for yourself but second nature.
2. Learn to say no
Most people experience difficulty saying no because they are people pleasers and don’t want to risk getting the disapproval of others. Well, you can’t please everybody, and you don’t have to at your expense.
Learning how to say no doesn’t only teach you how to stand up for yourself, but it also teaches you to adopt a higher moral standing against adversity.
Saying no is important in two scenarios: (1) if you don’t like or approve of something, or (2) if it is wrong and you are forced to do it.
3. Build up confidence
People can easily spot others who lack confidence, making them easy prey for coercion. If they see that you own your moves and decisions with confidence, they will learn to respect you. [Read: How self-respect affects you and your relationship]
People who have personal confidence won’t even need to say “no” or disagree with someone to make a stand, just their aura of confidence would be enough deterrent for them.
4. When arguing, appeal to intellect first, then to emotion next
People will sometimes try to talk you into something. Sometimes, you’ll try to argue back but they will suppress you with irrelevant arguments that you’ll just give in to in order to end the discussion. However, there is a way to turn the argument in your favor.
*Appealing to intellect – This is where you elaborate your point using logic. The goal is for them to understand your view as something positive and acceptable. Put in the facts and use appropriate language to match their understanding.
*Appealing to emotion – Once you’ve laid down the facts of your viewpoint, it is time to work through their mind and make them join your side. The trick is to use rhetoric that appeals to their empathy to make them embrace your idea as their own. [Read: Tips to fall in love with yourself and be a better YOU]
5. Be mindful of your physical appearance
Face value will always be the litmus test for whether people will try to walk over you. Therefore, it is prudent that you dress in a way that commands dignity and respect.
Mind your posture so that it exudes confidence, and avoid mannerisms that suggest awkwardness or indecisiveness. [Read: Body language moves to appear more confident]
6. Reconsider the language you use
When proposing an idea or disagreeing with one, you should use language that suggests confidence and decisiveness.
Instead of saying. “I think that they would probably disagree,” you should say the succinct “I disagree” phrase followed by your reasons why. Use ‘I” more often, and own your statement.
7. Don’t apologize if unneeded
Apologizing just for saying an idea or saying anything at all is a big “pushover” sign over your head.
One must never apologize for having an opinion, even if it is against the majority opinion – and especially if your opinion is sound. As mentioned, owning your ideas is a key aspect of standing up to people. [Read: How to be confident – Life hacks to transform yourself forever]
8. Attack the idea, not the person
When arguments happen, it is easy for a discussion to devolve into name-calling if the people involved get emotional.
However, even if you disagree with an idea, you must maintain your dignity and uphold a superior intellectual position by arguing against the idea – not the person.
An attack on the person *called an Ad Hominem* is a poor form of argument and does not solve anything at all.
9. Learn to speak out
This is a huge part of learning how to stand up for yourself. If something is making you uncomfortable, distressed, or offended, you should directly address it with the person involved, even if that person is someone of authority or close to you.
You should not be afraid of disapproval or of hurting their feelings if you call out their behavior. [Read: Low self-worth – tips to see yourself in a better light]
10. Always take the higher moral ground
Even if the person devolves into overt harassment, gossip, or verbal and physical threats, you should always maintain your composure and dignity against all these odds.
If their reaction is becoming a clear and present danger to your life or well-being, escalate the matter to a person of higher authority who can help you deal with them. Never stoop to their level and use the same tactics they’re using.
11. Consider how you could be giving too much
If you want to learn how to stand up for yourself, you need to really take a look at how much of yourself you’re currently giving out. You might not realize it, but you could be letting people take from you, walk all over you, and take you for granted.
Analyze your relationships and ask yourself if they’re fair, healthy, and encouraging. And as hard as it may be, be honest with yourself. [Read: Selfish people – 20 ways to spot and stop them from hurting you]
Scenarios when you should stand up for yourself
Now that you know how to start standing up for yourself, let’s look at some scenarios when you should stand up for yourself.
These should give you an idea of what areas of your life you are letting people take you for granted. Or, maybe it will give you ideas on scenarios when you can start practicing our tips on standing up for yourself.
*When someone is belittling you
*If someone is wasting your time
*In leadership positions at work
*When you’re exploring your passions
*When you need a break and can’t take on more work
*If you’re in an unhealthy relationship
*If you know something is not being done correctly
Final thoughts
So, know that you know how to stand up for yourself, start making the changes to live a better, more empowered, and more liberated life!
Practice standing up for yourself in smaller areas of your life. Soon, it won’t be practice, but second nature, and you’ll finally be getting the respect you deserve.
[Read: How to master positive self-talk and banish negativity]
It’s important for you to learn how to stand up for yourself. And it is a necessary life lesson one must take in order to mature. It is more fulfilling to take the better road of building confidence to stand up for what you want and believe in.
The post Stand Up For Yourself: Why It’s Hard & Steps to Get What You Want & Deserve is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.
0 comments:
Post a Comment