Sexual Anorexia: What It Means, 19 Signs, Risks & Safe Ways to Treat It

Do you often avoid sex or emotional intimacy? That could be a symptom of sexual anorexia. Find out more in this feature!

Based on the eating disorder, anorexia, we can interpret the term “sexual anorexia” to mean a lack of sexual activity. In more accurate terms, sexual anorexia is a compulsive avoidance of sexual nourishment and intimacy.

This is something that affects countless people, and many may be unaware that this term applies to them. It can be extremely damaging to our emotional state and our relationships. Because whether we want to admit it or not, we all need an emotional connection with another individual to feel entirely fulfilled.

For many people, this includes sexual intercourse. For those suffering from sexual anorexia, they fear sexual relationships due to experiences they had in their lives. They always avoid sexual intimacy. [Read: Fear of sex – understanding genophobia and ways to get over it]

If this sounds like you, you might be wondering how to handle sexual anorexia. This helpful guide will explain the symptoms, signs, and treatment options for sexual anorexia to help you understand yourself better.

Understanding sexual anorexia

Before we look at the signs and symptoms of sexual anorexia, we first need to understand it. You can learn a lot about sexual anorexia by comparing it with another, similar condition: sex addiction.

We’ll compare sex addiction with sexual anorexia, find out who’s at risk, and try to outline the causes of the condition.

Sex addiction vs. sexual anorexia

First, let’s compare sexual anorexia to sex addiction. These two conditions have a lot in common but sit at opposite ends of the same spectrum.

Sex addiction is about binging, whereas sexual anorexia is about restriction. In short, one overdoes it on sex, whilst the other avoids it at all costs. [Read: Relationship addiction – are you a serial dater who loves love?]

Sex addicts are obsessed with getting sex. When somebody addicted to sex has an episode and acts out, they may go on a bender. They’ll have risky, potentially dangerous sex in an attempt to get the most exciting experiences possible. They’re experiencing an uncontrollable level of sexual need.

Comparatively, when somebody struggling with sexual anorexia has an “episode,” they starve themselves of intimacy and feel as though they’re unworthy of love or affection. They also fear rejection, avoiding specific situations where sex – or even any kind of intimacy – might arise.

With both conditions, you’ll suffer from an obsession with sex. Whether you’re constantly thinking about doing it, or about avoiding it, sex is on your mind all the time. Also, you’ll feel completely powerless to control these thoughts and behaviors.

Who is at risk?

Anyone can suffer from this disorder, but there are some factors that make it more likely. These include sexual abuse, hormone imbalances, body dysmorphia, childbirth, and excessive use of pornography. If you have any of these problems in your history, you’re much more at risk of suffering.

1. Sexual abuse can put you at risk of sexual anorexia

The feeling of violation can linger long after the abuse stops, creating isolation from intimate partners. The thought of physical touch frightens these people because they fear it may trigger their past experience with sexual abuse.

If this is something you relate to, there are resources for you to receive help and begin the healing process. [Read: Sexually abusive relationship – subtle signs you’re being abused]

2. People who have body dysmorphia will suffer from sexual anorexia

Body dysmorphia is a psychological disorder that gives you a warped image of yourself. Someone with this problem will isolate themselves because they obsess over a specific feature of their body, and how it may be perceived by other people.

They might feel as though they’re fat when in reality they’re smaller than average. This develops into a thought that constantly cycles through their minds. Those obsessive thoughts can easily overlap with hang-ups around sex, and lead to sexual anorexia.

3. Porn addiction can contribute to sexual anorexia

A study of 28,000 Italian men concluded that men who viewed high amounts of pornography at a young age became desensitized to it and uninterested in real-life sexual situations.

If you overdose on porn, this can lead to you becoming uninterested in real sex, and avoiding it. [Read: How to stop watching porn and signs you’re addicted to it already]

4. People in happy relationships can develop sexual anorexia, too

Lastly, it’s important to remember that you can even experience sexual anorexia in the middle of a long-term relationship. You or your partner might make attempts to avoid any romantic connection because they do not want to be intimate.

Once again, it is important to be patient. Understand that this is the result of something that happened in their lives, either recently or in their childhood. Knowing what causes their disordered thoughts is the first step in helping them overcome sexual anorexia.

Do people with sexual anorexia ever have sex?

It’s important to note some individuals may cycle between sexual addiction and sexual anorexia, depending on their circumstances. It does not have to be one or the other. You can suffer from both ends of the sexual disorder spectrum at different times.

So, in short, people with sexual anorexia do have sex. Sometimes, they even have too much sex. As we mentioned above, sexual anorexia causes you to obsessively think about sex, so you’ll constantly have it on your mind. This makes it a major part of your life.

If you are someone who suffers from sexual anorexia, you might not suffer from problems having sex in every sexual encounter you have. This doesn’t make your sexual anorexia any less real.

You don’t have to be experiencing symptoms all the time for your issues to be valid. Even if you’ve only had one episode, you can still consider yourself sexually anorexic and seek treatment. [Read: When you love but don’t want to be loved in return]

Signs of sexual anorexia

So, now you have a little more of an understanding of the causes, symptoms, and ideas behind sexual anorexia. But what are the signs that you or your partner are suffering?

There are a wide range of subtle and obvious signs that’ll let you know if you’re dealing with this disorder – let’s go through them now. If they sound familiar, it’s time to seek help.

1. Compulsive avoidance of sex and intimate relationships

This is the number one biggest sign of sexual anorexia. The whole basis of the disorder is compulsive avoidance of sex and intimate relationships. Somebody with sexual anorexia will avoid having sex or even getting into a relationship. Not because they want to, but because they feel *compelled* to.

Compulsively avoiding sex can cause sufferers to become angry, upset, or even violent when somebody approaches them in a sexual way. They’ll deliberately push others away, and keep themselves socially isolated.

2. An ongoing fear of sex

If somebody’s constantly avoiding sex, they might think they’re just asexual. However, the difference between an asexual and somebody with sexual anorexia is an ongoing fear of sex.

People with this disorder won’t just avoid sex, they’ll be afraid of it. Sex is a nightmare scenario for them, and they’ll see it as something dangerous.

3. Avoidance of all things linked to sex

A person with sexual anorexia will avoid all things linked to sex. That includes erotic stories, romance movies, sex scenes on TV, or even revealing clothes.

Anything even remotely sexual will be disgusting to them. If somebody deliberately makes sure that they have a sexless life, they might be denying themselves sex as an anorexic.

Somebody with sexual anorexia might even avoid the opposite gender, as they see them as connected with sex. [Read: Gynophobia, the fear of women – why some men have it and how to overcome it]

4. Viewing sexuality in a judgmental manner

Sexual anorexics will often view sexuality in a judgmental manner, and judge others who enjoy it. As part of their disorder, they feel that they can’t allow themselves to enjoy sex. So, they give it a low moral value and see those that do enjoy it as lesser.

Sometimes, having overly judgmental parents can cause this attitude toward sexuality. If a child is constantly told that sex is bad and dirty – and that people who do it are morally wrong – they’re more likely to avoid sex in adulthood and judge sexual people.

5. Fantasizing about sexually unavailable partners

There’s nothing wrong with dreaming about somebody you’ll never have. However, sexual anorexics sometimes fantasize about sexually unavailable partners as a tactic to avoid sex. If they only ever think about sex with somebody unattainable, then they never have to act it out.

Sometimes, this can also be a way to hide or cover up their disorder in front of others. An impossible crush makes it look like a sexual anorexic person is interested in sex, but doesn’t actually make them engage with it on a real-life level.

These crushes can also be a way for them to punish themselves. Remember, sexual anorexia can come from a feeling that you aren’t good enough to have nice things like sex, or that you don’t deserve it.

A fantasy, unattainable partner just proves to them that they can’t have what they want, and acts as a form of self-harm. [Read: 20 downright strange but true phobias about love]

6. Social and emotional anorexia

On the most basic level, anorexia is a disorder of obsession and denial. The person suffering from it can’t stop thinking about their fixation *such as food or sex* but doesn’t allow themselves to have it. People with sexual anorexia often have similar behaviors in other areas, such as social or emotional anorexia.

This means they keep themselves isolated from all other people so they never get the social interaction they desperately want. They also avoid emotional interaction and won’t even allow themselves a friendly hug, or the option to cry. This is all part of the cycle of obsession and denial.

7. Low-self esteem

Part of the reason why people with sexual anorexia deny themselves sex is low self-esteem. They believe they aren’t worthy of being loved or experiencing pleasurable feelings. If somebody is suffering from sexual anorexia, they will almost always have low self-esteem.

Sometimes, however, low self-esteem can come across as narcissistic because of their constant self-deprecation.

However, their self-obsession is masking deep feelings of inadequacy and worthlessness. [Read: Malignant narcissists – 48 scary traits, causes, and what makes them so bad]

8. Perfectionism

People with any kind of anorexia can be very uptight and controlled – sexual anorexia is no different. A person with sexual anorexia will often be a perfectionist in all areas of their life. This is part of a need to maintain a sense of control.

Denying yourself sex takes a huge amount of willpower and psychological effort, and you can’t afford to slip. So, perfectionism and a controlling attitude are part of the sexual anorexic’s attempt to maintain their sexless lifestyle. All people have a sex drive, and they have to work hard to control it.

9. Addictive personality

Is someone who struggles with sexual anorexia an addictive personality? Do they have problems giving up smoking? Can they never have just one drink? Or, have they suffered from a gaming addiction in the past?

Addiction can put someone at a higher risk of sexual anorexia, as it means they have issues with control. Even things we don’t often think of as addictive behaviors – such as overspending or being a workaholic – are signs that somebody has issues knowing when to stop.

Remember, sexual anorexia and sex addiction are on the same spectrum. So if somebody can go overboard on things, they are also likely to excessively hold themselves back. [Read: Skin hunger – the human need for touch and why it matters]

10. Mental illness

Sexual anorexia is a form of mental illness. However, most mental illnesses don’t come along by themselves. Issues like depression, anxiety, OCD, and anorexia will cluster together, and most people who suffer from one will also suffer from others.

So, if somebody is clinically depressed or anxious, that can be a sign of a sexual problem. If their anxiety and depression often circle fear or avoidance of sex, that’s a tell-tale sign of sexual anorexia.

11. Unresolved trauma

Sexual anorexia can arise as a coping mechanism for unresolved trauma. People with sexual anorexia will use denial of sex and emotional intimacy as a way to deal with their underlying issues. [Read: Being sex positive – how to change your attitude to sex for the better]

This is especially true if their trauma was related to sex and relationships. Childhood abuse, domestic violence, or experiences of sexual harassment and rape can make people avoid sex out of fear, and a need to protect themselves. They worry that sex or emotional intimacy will take them back to a place of pain.

12. Compulsive use of pornography

This can be a combination of addictive behavior and a trauma response.

Firstly, being exposed to pornography too young can be very traumatic, children can’t understand that not all sex is as violent and intense as hardcore porn. When those kids grow up, they can become sex-avoidant because their image of sex is warped.

Also, pornography and masturbation can make you more desensitized to sexual feelings. If you become addicted, you can lose sensation and feel less pleasure from being stimulated. Instead, sex becomes wrapped up with feelings of guilt and shame. Over time, this can make some people avoid sex altogether.

13. Body image disorders

Everybody has worries about their body. However, body image disorders are more than just thinking your butt looks fat in a pair of jeans.

If you have a body image disorder, you will see yourself as uglier, fatter, or more misshapen than you really are – and connect that to your value as a person.

As we’ve said before, low self-esteem is a big part of sexual anorexia. If you have body dysmorphia, you will have incredibly low self-esteem, which can lead you to avoid love and sex.

What are the treatments?

Most of the time, it’s impossible to get over this condition alone. So don’t be afraid to seek help. Reaching out doesn’t mean you’re weak – it takes strength and bravery to acknowledge you have a problem.

Just as it is true with any mental health issue, be patient with somebody who suffers from sexual anorexia. It is important to remember: they didn’t choose to be this way. It is a deep psychological issue to be addressed by properly trained professionals.

Consistent therapy is the best option, but there are different kinds that suit different needs.

If you think you or your partner might be a sufferer, here are the available treatments. [Read: Emotional baggage – how to help someone put it down and find freedom]

1. See a psychologist

As previously stated, therapy is the number one solution to any sort of mental health disorder/issue. You should not be afraid to seek help, because it is the only way to truly heal.

At some point in our lives, we all need to reach out for help. We cannot conquer all of our demons on our own, and we need assistance sometimes. We should not be ashamed of admitting this.

There are even medications that a psychologist can prescribe to assist in the healing process. However, medications like antidepressants cannot be the only solution.

The underlying issues need to be discussed between you and a qualified therapist. Meds basically act as a Band-Aid fix, they alleviate the depression symptoms so you can start to untangle the deeper problems.

2. Find a relationship/sex therapist

If you are in a long-term relationship, discuss this issue with your partner. Not only is it important for them to know and understand what you go through, but it is also important for you to explain how you feel to your partner.

For them to fully understand your circumstances, they need to be told. A relationship therapist can help you work through this together. [Read: 19 reasons why we’re afraid to open up to people & steps to overcome it]

A relationship/sex therapist is specifically qualified to help people with sexual problems. No matter how embarrassing you find your condition, they won’t ever make you feel judged. They’re specially trained to talk openly about sex. So, if you feel embarrassed talking to a regular doctor or therapist, seek out a sex therapist.

The bottom line

If you think you may be suffering from sexual anorexia, reach out to your doctor and ask for assistance.

Your mental health is just as, if not more, important than your physical health. If you are not mentally healthy, you cannot possibly be physically healthy. You need to take care of your mind and body. That begins with being honest with yourself and your loved ones.

[Read: Understand erotophobia and the various fears of sexual intimacy]

Sexual anorexia affects many people, who may not even be aware that they have it. If you avoid intimacy and feel uncomfortable receiving or giving affection, seek assistance in the healing process. It’s never too late to get help!

The post Sexual Anorexia: What It Means, 19 Signs, Risks & Safe Ways to Treat It is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.