Security & Trust in Long-Term Relationships

People must feel secure in their relationships to stay in them. As relationship trust crumbles, security erodes, and people take steps to guard themselves.

In my four-part relationship model, GISS, the first ‘S’ stands for ‘security.’ Security, as I use it for relationships, means a few things:

• Trust that you are who you seem to be.

• Trust that you can be relied upon for what’s required.

• Trust that no outside forces or events can upend the relationship.

The reason I don’t simply call it ‘trust’ is because all these kinds of trust together create a feeling that the relationship is secure. Yet in the absence of this trust, or as the trust erodes, a sense of insecurity prevails.

How secure should you aim to make your relationships? Many men strive to give their women a sense of total security – greater security, in truth, than they can realistically deliver.

It’s a chaotic world out there, full of uncertainty and unknowns. Just as your woman seeks security in her relationship with you, you bear the responsibility of deciding how strong a sense of security you will give her… and whether you can live up to the impression you allow her to have.