Has your partner or someone else ever made you feel like you’re crazy? If so, you might need to know some common gaslighting phrases to know for sure.
Relationships aren’t always easy. And it doesn’t matter what type of relationship it is – it could be your parents, friends, or a significant other. Sometimes these relationships can turn toxic, and the other person can use gaslighting phrases on you, and you might not even know it.
You may or may not have heard of the term “gaslighting,” so let’s start out by defining exactly what it is.
What is gaslighting?
The term “gaslighting” was derived from the name of a 1938 play and 1944 movie, Gaslight. In the film, the husband manipulates his wife into thinking she’s crazy.
In a nutshell, gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse. It’s also a method to gain control over another person.
It works by breaking down the other person’s trust in themselves and increasing how much they trust or depend on the abusive person. And they use a lot of gaslighting phrases to do it. [Read: Pistanthrophobia – why you fear trusting people, 16 signs, and ways to overcome it]
When the abuser gaslights their victim, it causes the victim to question their own memories, sanity, and perception of reality. This makes them feel anxious, confused, and as if they can’t even trust themselves.
Usually, gaslighting begins slowly. First, the abusive person gains the victim’s trust by appearing to be a good person. In this phase, there isn’t any abusive behavior. But then the abuser suggests things like the other person is forgetful, unreliable, or even mentally ill.
Because of this, the victim questions if their partner is right. The more this happens. The more the abuser gains control. The victim feels unable to trust themselves or even make any decisions. [Read: 10 decisions you should never let your partner make for you]
The must-know gaslighting techniques
There are many different ways that an abuser can gaslight their victims. So, let’s take a look at some of their devious techniques before we look at the gaslighting phrases.
1. Denial and contradiction
If the victim reminds the abuser of something they said or did in the past, they will vehemently deny it and pretend like they just made it up. They could also say things that are very contradictory to each other as well.
2. Withholding information
As the saying goes, “information is power.” In other words, if someone has important information but doesn’t share it with others, it gives them power over them. So, gaslighters might withhold any kind of information to be in control. [Read: Controlling people – 32 common traits, signs, and ways to deal with them]
3. Diverting blame
A person who gaslights others never takes responsibility for their actions. Instead, it’s always someone else’s fault – even if it’s not. They will always blame others for things, and can’t self-reflect and hold themselves accountable.
4. Minimizing feelings
Their feelings are always more important than others’, and they also minimize and downplay when others have emotions. They might belittle or make fun of others for expressing their feelings in order to make them feel small.
5. Creating doubt and confusion
When someone is experiencing confusion and doubt, they are much easier to control.
Someone who gaslights knows this, and so they use different techniques on purpose in order to throw other people off balance with a lot of different gaslighting phrases. [Read: Overcoming self-doubt – 26 signs & best ways to stop doubting yourself]
6. Using sarcasm and mockery
Sarcasm can be fun in the right situation when you are just joking around. But that’s not how an abuser uses it.
They use sarcasm to be mean and tear other people down. They also like to mock the behaviors of others in order to ruin their self-esteem.
7. Controlling and monitoring behavior
Gaslighters are very controlling. They will have a microscope over their victim and monitor their every move.
If the victim allows it, they will control everything from when you can leave the house, who you can talk to, and what to eat.
8. Isolating the victim
Another very effective tactic that abusers use is the isolation of their victims.
They have to do it because if the victim tells other people what the abuser is doing to them, they might talk some sense into them and convince them to end the relationship. [Read: Narcissistic abuse – What it is, types, 58 signs and ways they hurt and break you]
9. Gaslighting through “gaslighting the gaslighter”
When people are guilty of doing something, it’s not uncommon for them to accuse other people of doing exactly what they’re doing. So, they might actually accuse their victim of gaslighting them when it’s not true!
10. Exploiting vulnerabilities
Everyone has insecurities – it’s just normal human nature. And most normal people try to make people feel good about themselves.
But a gaslighter does the opposite. They find someone’s vulnerabilities and exploit them on purpose.
11. Making unrealistic demands
Because an abuser is controlling, they obviously make demands on their victim. They might make absurd, unrealistic demands of other people, such as cutting out all their loved ones from their life and never seeing them again. That is toxic and dangerous. [Read: 36 secrets to hurt a narcissist and make them feel miserable for using you]
12. Invalidating experiences and emotions
Everyone goes through hard times, and when they do, it’s nice to be comforted by your loved ones.
But not only does a gaslighter not comfort the victim, they actually seek to tell them that their experiences are stupid or wrong. As a result, they completely invalidate their emotions.
13. Playing the victim
Even though the abuser has the power in a relationship, they still act like they’re a victim.
The purpose of this is to gain more control through guilt and psychological manipulation. They try to turn the tables and make the victim feel like the abuser themselves. [Read: Narcissistic victim syndrome – what it is and how to escape the mess]
14. Gaslighting by proxy
Gaslighting by proxy occurs when someone else backs them up. Sometimes it’s very subtle. They might say something like, “I’ve never seen him/her do anything like that.” Then, the victim feels completely unsupported, alone, and is left doubting their perceptions once again.
15. Projecting insecurities onto the victim
As we said previously, everyone has insecurities. It might not seem like an abuser has them because they seem so confident and in control.
But the reason they have to act like that is because of their own insecurities. But they project them onto their victims.
Gaslighting phrases and examples
If you think you might be a victim of gaslighting, then in order to get out of the situation, you need to know some of the phrases and examples. Once you recognize it, then you can stand up for yourself. Here are some to look for. [Read: 23 Secrets to stand up for yourself in a relationship and know your true worth]
The gaslighting phrases that undermine your perception and reality
1. “You’re imagining things.”
2. “That never happened.”
3. “You’re just being too sensitive.”
4. “You’re crazy.”
5. “You must have dreamt that.”
6. “You’re just being paranoid.”
7. “You’re overanalyzing everything.”
8. “I know you better than you know yourself.”
9. “You’re always making things up.”
[Read: Pathological liar – what causes it and 55 signs and ways to help them change]
10. “You’re just looking for attention.”
11. “You’re too emotional to see things clearly.”
12. “You’re just being dramatic.”
13. “You’re too sensitive for your own good.”
14. “You’re blowing things out of proportion.”
15. “You’re just making a big deal out of nothing.”
[Read: Narcissistic abuse – what it is, types, 58 signs and ways they hurt and break you]
Gaslighting phrases that discredit emotions and experiences
1. “You’re overreacting.”
2. “You’re too emotional.”
3. “It’s all in your head.”
4. “You’re just being dramatic.”
5. “You’re always making everything about yourself.”
6. “You’re just trying to play the victim.”
7. “Nobody else feels that way, it’s just you.”
8. “You’re just being too sensitive.”
[Read: 61 Signs you’re dating a narcissist and the best ways to help them change]
9. “You’re just looking for reasons to be upset.”
10. “You’re just being irrational.”
11. “You’re too emotional to have a rational opinion.”
12. “You’re too weak to handle this.”
13. “You’re just being difficult on purpose.”
14. “You’re too needy for attention.”
15. “You’re just trying to manipulate me with your emotions.”
[Read: 46 Secrets to deal with a narcissist, break them, and handle their petty games]
Gaslighting phrases to shift blame and responsibility
1. “You’re the one at fault.”
2. “You made me do it.”
3. “You’re the problem in this relationship.”
4. “If you didn’t do ___, I wouldn’t have to react this way.”
5. “You always ruin everything.”
6. “You’re the reason I’m unhappy.”
7. “You’re just trying to sabotage us.”
8. “You’re the one who started this argument.”
[Read: How to resolve conflict – the 15 best ways to cut out the drama]
9. “You’re the one who needs to change.”
10. “You’re just too difficult to be around.”
11. “You’re the reason things never work out.”
12. “You’re the one who can’t handle criticism.”
13. “You’re too sensitive to handle the truth.”
14. “You’re just trying to control me.”
15. “You’re the one who pushed me to this point.”
[Read: Emotional abuse – what it is, and 39 signs this relationship is breaking you]
Gaslighting phrases that create doubt and confusion
1. “You’re just remembering it wrong.”
2. “I never said that.”
3. “You’re crazy.”
4. “You’re just trying to manipulate me.”
5. “You must have misunderstood me.”
6. “You’re just being paranoid.”
7. “You’re twisting my words.”
8. “You’re just making things up to cause problems.”
[Read: 73 Red flag narcissism signs and traits of a narcissist to read them like a book]
9. “You’re the one who’s confused, not me.”
10. “You’re too irrational to understand the truth.”
11. “You’re just trying to start an argument.”
12. “You’re too sensitive to handle the reality.”
13. “You’re just misinterpreting everything I say.”
14. “You’re the one who’s delusional.”
15. “You’re just trying to make me look bad.”
[Read: Toxic relationship – what it is, 107 signs, causes, and types of love that hurt you]
The effects of gaslighting
Obviously, gaslighting is very damaging to most people because it is so toxic. But what are the effects on the victims? Let’s take a look. [Read: Gaslighting – what it is, how it works, and 33 signs to spot it ASAP]
1. Loss of self-confidence
A lot of people lack high self-confidence, which is unfortunate. And many people who are victims of gaslighting have naturally low self-esteem. But when they are gaslighted, their self-confidence plummets even more. The abuser tries to break down anything good that they feel about themselves.
2. Increased self-doubt
Along with low self-esteem comes self-doubt – even before someone gets into an abusive relationship.
But once the abuse starts, the victim’s self-doubt gets even worse. They might even start to think that they are actually going insane and need help.
3. Emotional instability
When people are in uncertain situations, they frequently become emotional. Gaslighters create uncertainty and confusion by using a lot of different gaslighting phrases. [Read: Emotionally stable – how to find your zone of perfect calmness]
As a result, victims might go from feeling very depressed to having frequent crying episodes. There might even be some good emotions sprinkled in there, which is even more confusing for them too.
4. Isolation
Because the gaslighter doesn’t want their victim to have contact with other people, they isolate them. And sometimes, even the victim themselves might even self-isolate because they are embarrassed by the kind of relationship they are in.
5. Cognitive dissonance
A victim might fundamentally see themselves as an honest and good person, but when the abuser makes them feel like a low-life, then they will experience cognitive dissonance. [Read: Hoovering – what it is, how narcissists use it, and how to avoid falling for it]
In other words, there is a mental contradiction between one thought or feeling *“I’m a good person”* and the other *”I’m a bad person”*.
6. Loss of trust
Even if the victim was a trusting person before this relationship, over time, they will eventually lose the ability to trust their abuser.
They might even stop trusting people altogether. And even worse, they will; probably stop trusting themselves and their own judgment.
7. Self-blame
When someone is being gaslighted, sometimes they think that they are to blame for it. The gaslighter doesn’t take any personal responsibility, and just projects blame on the other person.
Eventually, the victim will internalize it and blame themselves too. [Read: Low self-worth – 5 steps to see yourself in a better light]
8. Diminished decision-making abilities
The abuser wants the victim to always feel off-kilter. Because of that, their ability to see things objectively and make decisions for themselves is slowly eroded.
Therefore, they have to rely on their abuser to make the decisions for them, which is exactly what the abuser wants.
9. Increased dependency
The abuser doesn’t want the victim to be independent and do things on their own and think for themselves, because then they wouldn’t have enough control. So, they make sure that the victim is increasingly dependent on them and no one else – not even themselves.
10. Emotional exhaustion
As you can imagine, being in an abusive relationship where there are a lot of gaslighting phrases is nothing but a negative, wild roller coaster of emotions. [Read: Emotional roller coaster – the signs, causes, and ways to end this relationship]
And while roller coasters can be fun *the literal kind*, emotional ones are not. This leads to extreme emotional exhaustion for the victim.
11. Development of anxiety and depression
Because there is nothing but negativity going on when there is gaslighting present, it can lead to some deep levels of anxiety or depression. The victim is always anxious and worried about what the abuser will do to them next.
12. Sense of powerlessness
When someone has control over you, the most obvious reaction is that you feel powerless.
So, if gaslighting occurs on a regular basis, the victim might feel like they will never be able to get control of the situation, relationship, the other person, or even their sense of reality. [Read: Narcissistic supply – how to control a narcissist and cut their power]
13. Difficulty in setting boundaries
Many victims lack personal boundaries, and that’s why they because abused by other people. But even so, as the abuse and gaslighting go on, they have even more difficulty setting boundaries.
Eventually, they have no personal boundaries at all because the abuser has broken down them all.
14. Physical symptoms and health issues
A toxic relationship leads to an immense amount of emotional stress. And emotional stress is toxic to the body.
In fact, stress is one of the biggest contributors to health problems. So, the victim might start having a lot of negative physical symptoms as a result of the gaslighting.
15. Loss of identity
Being pushed around, bullied, and constantly being made to question their sanity, a victim might actually lose the sense of who they are completely.
This loss of identity is not only unhealthy – it’s actually dangerous to not know who you are anymore. [Read: 25 honest, self-reflection questions to recognize the real YOU inside]
Why is it important to recognize gaslighting phrases?
If you feel like you are being gaslighted by someone, it’s important to be able to recognize it so you can stop it. Remember, you are being taught to question your sanity and reality itself, so you need to end the abuse as soon as you can. Here’s why.
1. Self-protection
Abuse comes in many forms. You don’t have to be physically abused to know that you’re a victim. Gaslighting is a form of emotional and psychological abuse.
So, just as you need to protect yourself from being physically harmed, you should also protect yourself from being harmed by gaslighting. [Read: Self-centered people – 40 signs and ways to change yourself or deal with one]
2. Maintaining mental well-being
Everyone wants to be happy. And everyone deserves to be happy. But when you are in a toxic relationship, you aren’t happy.
So, that’s why you need to recognize the gaslighting and get out of the relationship as soon as you can. Your mental well-being depends on it.
3. Validation of experiences
As we mentioned earlier, an abuser will invalidate your experiences, thoughts, and emotions with a lot of different gaslighting phrases.
You will begin to think that you have lost a sense of reality. But when you stop the gaslighting, you will be able to validate your experiences once again.
4. Empowerment
Gaslighters take away the personal power of their victims. As a result, they have no control over their lives at all – or at least to a very large extent.
So, when you recognize and stop the gaslighting, the person feels more empowered and proud of themselves for standing up to the abuse. [Read: 55 secrets and self-love habits to build confidence and realize your worth]
5. Building self-esteem
Because abuse just constantly chips away at your self-esteem little by little, the victim will end up feeling awful about themselves. And that is no way to live.
But when they stand up to the gaslighter and set personal boundaries *or even end the relationship*, they will feel much better about themselves.
6. Healthy relationships
When there is a power dynamic of the abuser/victim, the relationship can’t be anything but toxic and potentially even dangerous.
So, the victim must learn how to stand up for themselves, build their self-esteem, and learn how to have healthy relationships. [Read: 38 signs and traits of a happy, healthy relationship and what it should look like]
7. Improved communication
Good communication skills are vital to a healthy relationship. Just communicating alone isn’t enough. After all, yelling, screaming, and name-calling is communication, but it’s not healthy communication. Stating your need and pointing out the gaslighting will help improve communication overall.
8. Strengthening boundaries
Everyone has to have personal boundaries. If they don’t, then they become a doormat and other people just walk all over them and take advantage of them.
But when you stand up to abuse, you strengthen your boundaries. Not only does it make you happier, but you also respect yourself more. [Read: 23 secrets to set personal boundaries and guide others to respect them]
9. Trust in one’s intuition
Because gaslighting eventually wears down a person’s sense of reality and decision-making skills, standing up to the gaslighting helps individuals trust their gut instincts and intuition.
They eventually see reality more objectively and don’t feel like they are crazy anymore.
10. Avoiding self-blame
When a gaslighter projects blame onto their victims, they turn to self-blame. But when you know the signs of gaslighting, the victim no longer sees themselves as the person to blame.
Instead, they see their behavior more objectively, and they avoid self-blame.
11. Promoting emotional intelligence
Emotional intelligence is the ability to monitor and regulate your emotions. But it also means that you can read other people’s behaviors and emotions and adjust yours accordingly.
As a result of recognizing and stopping the gaslighting, you will become much more emotionally intelligent. [Read: Social cues – what it is, 22 universal behaviors, and how to respond to them]
12. Preventing long-term damage
The longer a person stays in a toxic, abusive relationship, the more damage it will do to their psyche – and maybe even their physical body too.
So, getting yourself out of the negative power dynamic will save the victim a lot of mental health issues later on in their life.
13. Nurturing self-trust
Gaslighters make sure that their victims question reality, so eventually, they don’t trust themselves anymore.
But when the victim calls out the gaslighting behavior, they can eventually trust themselves again because they see things from an objective point of view.
14. Encouraging healthy self-expression
An abuser doesn’t want their victim to stand up for themselves. In fact, they just want to silence them, and they don’t allow them to express themselves.
But when the victim starts to voice their concerns, they will continue to develop healthy self-expression which will be an asset to them for the rest of their lives. [Read: Stand up for yourself – why it’s hard and steps to get what you want and deserve]
15. Breaking the cycle
Bullies will just keep on bullying their victims until they say “no” and break the cycle. They’ll get away with as much as they can until someone puts a stop to it. So, by learning these gaslighting phrases, the victim can break the cycle once and for all.
Ways to cope with gaslighting
Now that you know some of the words and phrases that go along with gaslighting, you need to know how to cope with it. Here’s how.
1. Recognizing the signs
Obviously, this is the first step. You can’t change what you don’t recognize, so you have to know the signs. If you have to, print out this feature and study it.
Carry it around with you so you don’t forget any of these signs. Show them to your abuser so you can call them out on the gaslighting when it occurs. [Read: 20 Traits and signs of a toxic boyfriend that predict a painful relationship]
2. Seeking support from trusted individuals
Even if the abuser has isolated you from friends and family, it’s important to turn back to them and seek support from them – or anyone else you trust.
If you can seek out a therapist, then that is definitely another way you can overcome the emotional and psychological damage that the gaslighter did to you.
3. Setting boundaries and asserting oneself
There is no way that an abuser will stop abusing you if you don’t assert yourself and set personal boundaries.
It’s not always easy to do at first, but the more you do it, the better you will become at it. Don’t let the gaslighter make you back down either. Stand your ground and be firm. [Read: How to set boundaries with a narcissist and weaken their hold over you]
4. Building self-esteem and self-confidence
Do things that will build your self-esteem and self-confidence. Spend time with people who genuinely love you, read self-help books, and do anything that will make you feel good about yourself.
Once you build your self-esteem back up, you will no longer tolerate abusive behavior.
[Read: How to build self-esteem and love life with these simple life changes]
Gaslighting is a form of abuse, and it needs to be stopped for your own mental health, well-being, and happiness. Now that you know the gaslighting phrases and examples to look for, you can put an end to it. After all, you owe it to yourself and your future!
The post 105 Most Common Gaslighting Phrases, Techniques & Signs to Recognize Them is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.
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