Act Like You Belong and You Can Go Anywhere

You can walk and talk your way into places by acting like you should be there. People pay more attention to behavior than you think – & less to credentials.

Once, many years ago, just a few years into my seduction career, I was in Singapore with a couple of friends and entered a nightclub. It was one of the higher end clubs in town.

One of my friends, a local, wanted to move into the VIP-only area. The girls there were much hotter, he said. The only problem was the narrow stairway into it had two large bouncers keeping guard – and the two were frequently stopping people entering to inspect whether they were in fact members or not.

“Just walk in with your chin way up like you’re a celebrity and are used to walking in there,” my friend said. “No one will stop you.” So my other friend and I marched in with him, heads held high, doing our best to look like modern royalty, and sure enough, a moment later we were picking up on girls in the VIP. They were indeed hotter (and friendlier) there.

Not long after that, I crashed a private party at a San Diego nightclub, rolling right past the bouncer checking names at the door, by walking up behind a couple whose names he’d just checked and acting as if I was probably with them. Since then, I have often toured through roped-off or doorman-guarded areas of nightclubs just by walking proudly in, chest held high, either ignoring the bouncers or, at other times, giving them a confident nod. Sometimes while in these areas I have looked out and watched numerous other people get stopped trying to enter as I’ve privately marveled at how I sauntered right in.

I’ve entered closed-off areas of venues, restricted beaches (though be careful with these; they can be restricted due to hazardous conditions), and even establishments that have closed down for the night just by walking right in like I’m supposed to be there.

Today we’re going to talk about walking right into places you’re not supposed to be.

Situationship: Why People Like It, 51 Signs, Rules & Ways to Tell If It’s For You

When you’re more than friends but less than committed partners, what are you? Let’s dive into what a situationship is and how to navigate through one.

Have you ever found yourself stuck in a love-like scenario where commitment seems as far away as your dreams of becoming a rockstar astronaut? Welcome to the world of situationships, where commitment hides behind a bush, and clear relationship boundaries are as mythical as unicorns wearing sunglasses.

A situationship is a romantic connection marinated in ambiguity. It’s like dating, but the GPS is broken, and you’re not entirely sure where you’re headed.

It’s the “we’re just talking” phase that lasts longer than your free trial of a streaming service. [Read: What are we? How to get your crush to label your relationship]

What is a situationship?

A “situationship” might sound like a word your autocorrect stubbornly refuses to recognize, but in reality, it’s a term that holds a significant place in modern dating.

A situationship is essentially a romantic connection that’s sprinkled with commitment phobia. It’s like dating but without the labels, rules, or Facebook relationship status updates.

Think of a situationship as being in relationship limbo – you’re more than friends but not quite in an official relationship. There are feelings, fun, and some late-night text messages, but nobody dares utter the “R” word *relationship, that is!*. [Read: What is commitment in a relationship & how to know if you have it?]

The difference between situationship and a defined relationship

A defined relationship is like having a seat reserved at a fancy restaurant because you know what you’re getting. A situationship is the opposite. It’s like a food truck adventure, exciting and flavorful, but you’re not entirely sure what’s on the menu.

In a defined relationship, there are clearly stated boundaries, expectations, commitment, and usually involves introducing each other to friends and family.

Whereas in a situationship, there are ambiguous boundaries, uncertainty in commitment, and your friends may or may not know that “Sam from the gym” is more than just a workout buddy.

By opening the door to the world of situationships, you can understand an idea that’s both relevant and reflective of the complex nature of modern love. It’s romance with a twist, or perhaps a pizza without clear toppings. Either way, it’s something many can relate to, especially in the confusing waters of modern dating.

Why people get into a situationship

Situationships are like the Wild West of romantic entanglements – full of thrill, uncertainty, and the occasional tumbleweed rolling through your love life. The reasons for this arrangement vary as much as people’s opinions on pineapple on pizza.

Whether driven by fear, flexibility, or healing, understanding the underlying psychology of our desire to get into a situationship paints a vivid picture of why situationships are both alluring and confusing.

1. Avoidance of commitment – attachment theory

Some folks approach commitment like a cat approaching a bath – with sheer terror. Attachment theory, brought to life by John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth, can explain this. People with an avoidant attachment style might find the ambiguity of a situationship more comfortable.

Why? Because diving into the commitment pool means vulnerability, trust, and potentially showing someone where you hide your secret stash of chocolate. A situationship is like saying, “I like you, but let’s not put a label on this.” [Read: Fear of commitment – 47 signs, whys & ways to get over your phobia]

2. Desire for flexibility – self-determination theory

Deci & Ryan’s self-determination theory is all about autonomy, competence, and relatedness. Some may find situationships appealing due to the flexibility they offer.

No defined rules mean you can still have the last piece of cake without sharing *and we’re not just talking about dessert*.

A situationship allows for autonomy, giving space to explore other aspects of life without feeling tied down. It’s like having your cake and eating it too, without anyone judging how much frosting you’re consuming.

3. Fear of rejection or vulnerability – social cognitive theory

Social cognitive theory, a darling of Albert Bandura, emphasizes how thoughts, behaviors, and social environment interact. A situationship might appeal to those who fear rejection or vulnerability. They can enjoy the connection without risking a full plunge into deeper emotional waters.

Think of it as holding hands without interlocking fingers. You’re connected but not entirely intertwined, and you can easily let go if things get too “feely.” [Read: Fear of rejection – 56 signs, causes & ways to overcome and get over it]

4. Fear of missing out – analysis paralysis

The modern dating scene is like a buffet – so many choices that it’s paralyzing. This is analysis paralysis, an inability to make a decision due to overthinking its possible outcomes.

A situationship might stem from the fear of settling down with one option and missing out on others. It’s the romantic version of staring at 31 flavors of ice cream and being unable to pick just one.

5. Healing or transition phase – Maslow’s safety need

A situationship might serve as a healing or transitional phase post a breakup or significant life change. This need is fundamental for some to ensure personal security in Maslow’s theory of hierarchy needs. It’s the emotional equivalent of a cozy blanket, comforting but not necessarily permanent.

So whether you’re in a situationship, considering one, or just here for the relationship giggles, remember: It’s complicated, but many people seem to enjoy the confusion!

The biggest signs you’re in a situationship

Situationships are like relationship Sudoku – challenging, confusing, but strangely captivating. Recognizing these signs is the first step toward understanding what you’re in *or out* of. 

Remember, it might be complicated, but so is assembling a 1000-piece puzzle of a clear blue sky, and people still attempt that!

These signs might just be the missing puzzle pieces you’ve been looking for to determine whether you’re in a situationship.

1. Ambiguity in expectations

If your romantic connection feels like trying to read a book in a foggy room, welcome to a situationship! Ambiguity in expectations means you’re not quite sure if you’re dating, just friends, or somewhere in between.

It’s like Relationship Jeopardy, where every answer comes in the form of a question. The uncertainty principle isn’t just for quantum physics! [Read: Uncertainty in a relationship – the hidden and unexpected dangers]

2. Lack of long-term planning

In a defined relationship, you might plan vacations or discuss moving in together. In a situationship, planning next weekend feels as monumental as a space mission.

Why? Because long-term planning requires commitment and a shared vision. Here, the future is as hazy as a weather forecast in a British summer.

3. Emotional ambivalence

Welcome to the psychological rollercoaster! Leon Festinger’s theory of cognitive dissonance highlights the mental discomfort experienced when holding two conflicting beliefs.

In a situationship, you might feel both affection and detachment simultaneously. It’s like wanting to hug a porcupine – emotionally perplexing!

4. No “plus one” invitations

If weddings and work parties find you flying solo while your “kind-of-sort-of-maybe” partner is mysteriously absent, you might be in a situationship.

The “plus one” remains elusive, like a perfectly ripe avocado. [Read: Are we dating? 22 cute signs you’re more than just friends or a hookup]

5. Avoidance of serious topics

Serious conversations in a situationship are often as rare as a pleasant discussion about politics at the dinner table.

Avoiding real talk about feelings, commitment, or the future can be a sign of a situationship. Freud might describe this as a defense mechanism – a romantic version of “hear no evil, see no evil.”

6. Inconsistent communication patterns

One day you’re texting like keyboard warriors, and the next, it’s radio silence. Inconsistent communication could be a sign of a situationship, where the connection is as stable as Wi-Fi in a remote cabin. [Read: Am I being ghosted? 25 signs you’re on the verge of being ghosted!]

7. Vague social media interaction

If your relationship status with this person is as clear as a mud pie, and social media interactions are limited to the occasional “like,” you might be in a situationship. No posts or tags here, digital ambiguity reigns supreme.

8. Lack of emotional security

Just as Bowlby’s attachment theory describes secure and insecure attachments in relationships, a lack of emotional security could signify a situationship. It’s a connection with emotional training wheels: they’re there, but you’re not quite ready to ride freely.

9. Physical connection overshadowing emotional bonding

In a situationship, you may find that physical intimacy takes the spotlight, while emotional connection waits in the wings. It’s like having a burger without the fries—a little satisfying but not quite a whole meal. [Read: Am I emotionally unavailable? 32 signs you are & the fastest ways to fix it]

10. No introduction to family or close friends

Meeting the family or inner friend circle is a relationship milestone. If you’re kept at arm’s length from these connections, you might be in a situationship. It’s the social equivalent of being stuck in the acquaintance zone.

11. Undefined boundaries

Are boundaries in your connection as clear as a foggy windowpane? An understanding of the boundary theory can shed light on this, as the lack of clarity about what’s acceptable and what’s off-limits may indicate a situationship. Think of it as a dance where no one knows the steps. [Read: 23 secrets to set personal boundaries & guide others to respect them]

12. Emphasis on convenience over connection

If meetings and conversations are more about convenience than fostering a deeper connection, you might be in a situationship. It’s like a pop-up restaurant—there when you need it but not a permanent fixture.

13. The “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy

Situationships might include an unspoken rule about not discussing other romantic interests. It’s a “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy that keeps things casual, like wearing flip-flops to a semi-formal event.

14. Constant uncertainty about status

If your relationship status is as changeable as fashion trends, you might be in a situationship. Constant uncertainty can keep you on your toes. [Read: Dating vs. relationship – 16 clear signs to know your status right now!]

15. No shared responsibilities or obligations

Partners in committed relationships often share responsibilities, from pets to Netflix subscriptions. In a situationship, shared obligations are as rare as a cat enjoying a bath.

Neither of you feels obligated to dedicate your life to your relationship nor are you responsible for each other emotionally.

16. Limited vulnerability

Brene Brown’s insights into vulnerability show that true connection requires opening up. A situationship might involve limited vulnerability, like wearing a raincoat on a sunny day—always prepared for emotional showers. [Read: How to be vulnerable in a relationship, open up & 28 secrets to grow closer]

Situationships are the modern romantic labyrinth, filled with twists, turns, and tantalizing mysteries. And these signs are like breadcrumbs on your trail. So whether you’re looking for a situationship or trying to avoid one, understanding these signs can help you either way!

The must-know rules you must follow in a situationship

Here’s something to remember – a situationship is like a temporary tattoo – intriguing, fun, and not meant to last forever *unless you both decide to make it permanent with some relationship ink*. But while it’s there, these rules make sure it looks good, feels good, and doesn’t leave an awkward mark when it fades.

1. Communication

In a situationship, communication needs to be as clear as a tropical sea. It’s essential to speak up about what you want and what you don’t, because assuming is risky business. No one wants to be the one left standing without a chair when the relationship music stops.

By understanding each other’s wants and needs, you avoid wandering blindly through the maze of mixed signals. [Read: 42 secrets to communicate better in a relationship & ways to fix a lack of it]

2. Boundaries

Boundaries in a situationship are like setting up fences in a vast, open field. Sure, you can wander aimlessly, but it helps to know where not to tread. It’s about establishing what’s okay and what’s not. A boundary isn’t a wall, it’s a guideline.

Explicitly define the “do’s” and “don’ts.” Whether it’s about public affection, talking about the future, or posting couple selfies *are you even a couple?*, make it clear. [Read: Boundaries in a relationship – 43 healthy dating rules you MUST set early on]

3. Emotional intelligence

Emotional intelligence *EI* is the soft, squishy core of human connection. Daniel Goleman’s work tells us that EI involves self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skills. It’s like having a Swiss Army Knife for emotions.

In a situationship, EI is about recognizing and managing your feelings and those of your “not-quite-partner-but-more-than-friend.” It’s the art of feeling without getting too “feely” and managing emotions without suppressing them.

If you want to handle a situation right, embrace emotional regulation. Recognize when jealousy, attachment, or other emotions creep in, and have a conversation about them. It’s like tending a garden, you need to recognize the weeds to pluck them.

4. Respect each other’s time and space

A situationship is often marked by spontaneity, but respecting each other’s time and space is vital. It’s like a dance, you need to give your partner room to move without stepping on their toes.

Make plans in advance when possible, and don’t assume constant availability. Your situationship shouldn’t be a pop quiz, some notice is courteous. [Read: How to show respect in a relationship and love each other better]

5. Regularly assess your feelings and intentions

Feelings in a situationship can change like weather patterns, so regular assessments are crucial. Think of it as relationship climate monitoring.

Have a periodic “state of the situationship” chat. No need to roll out a red carpet, but make sure you’re both still enjoying the ride.

6. Don’t ignore red flags

If you start to notice actions or feelings that don’t align with your understanding of the situationship, don’t overlook them. Red flags are not decorative accessories, they’re signals for attention.

Address red flags as they arise. It’s easier to reroute early than to reverse after going down a long and winding relationship road. [Read: 45 big relationship red flags most couples completely ignore early]

7. Maintain friendships outside the situationship

While enjoying your situationship, don’t forget to nourish friendships outside of it. Your other friends are the emotional pit stop in your situationship race. Make time for friends as you would in any other relationship. Balance is key, like not putting all your romantic eggs in one ambiguous basket.

8. Avoid unrealistic expectations

If expectations in a situationship soar higher than a rom-com finale, disappointment may follow. Keep expectations grounded, or you might find yourself in a rom-anticlimax.

Discuss and understand what you both want. A situationship isn’t a “fill-in-the-blanks” relationship. Clarity can prevent potential heartaches. [Read: 20 healthy expectations in a relationship]

9. Recognize when it’s time to move on

Situationships, like seasonal fashion, might have an expiration date. Recognizing when it’s time to move on is essential.

If the situationship isn’t fulfilling or becomes emotionally draining, it’s time to talk about parting ways. Think of it as closing a captivating but finished book.

Situationships may seem like a free-spirited hookup, but they come with their own set of rules and regulations. Following these rules can help make the situationship a rewarding experience rather than a puzzling pain in the ass. [Read: 42 red flags & signs it’s time to end your relationship & move on for good]

How to know if a situationship is for you

Knowing if a situationship is for you is like choosing the right pair of shoes for an occasion. It requires understanding your style, comfort, and the nature of the event.

By considering these questions, you’ll be well-equipped to dance through the intriguing world of situationships without stepping on any emotional toes.

1. Do your physical needs align with a situationship?

A situationship might appeal to those seeking physical intimacy without the emotional commitment. It’s important to reflect on your own needs and desires in this aspect. Is this alignment temporary or a long-term preference? Being clear on this will guide you in making the right relationship choices.

2. Are social connections enough without intense bonding?

Casual connections might be fulfilling for some, but others may crave a deeper bond. Consider your own social fulfillment needs. Do you feel satisfied with surface-level connections, or do you seek a more profound emotional connection with someone?

3. Is emotional fulfillment achieved or neglected?

Evaluate how a situationship impacts your emotional well-being. Does it meet your emotional needs, or does it leave you yearning for more?

Assessing this can guide you in determining whether a situationship is a nourishing or draining experience for you. [Read: 33 emotional needs in a relationship, signs it’s unmet & how to meet them]

4. Is flexibility more appealing than exclusivity?

Some individuals prefer the open and flexible nature of a situationship, while others seek exclusivity and defined boundaries. Reflect on what appeals to you more. How do you feel about sharing your partner with others, and how does this align with your relationship goals?

5. Does your lifestyle allow for commitment?

Your current life stage might influence your readiness for commitment. Are you focused on career, education, or personal growth? Consider how a committed relationship would fit into your life, or if a situationship is more suitable for now. [Read: Committed relationship – 59 signs & ways to show your commitment]

6. Are you healing from past relationships?

A situationship might be a gentle way to heal or a hindrance to emotional recovery. Reflect on your emotional state. Are you seeking solace in casual connections, or do you need time and space to heal fully? [Read: Rebound relationship – what it is, 43 signs you’re in it & the must-know rules]

7. Can you comfortably handle uncertainty?

The ambiguous nature of a situationship can be unsettling for some. Evaluate your comfort level with uncertainty. Are you okay with undefined roles and responsibilities, or do you prefer clarity and stability in a relationship?

8. Are you able to separate feelings?

Managing feelings within a situationship can be complex. Reflect on your ability to separate casual connections from deeper emotional attachments. Can you engage on a physical level without becoming emotionally attached, or do you naturally seek deeper connections?

9. Does a situationship align with long-term goals?

Consider how a situationship aligns or diverges from your long-term relationship goals. Is it a stepping stone or a stumbling block? Aligning your relationship choices with your long-term vision ensures that you are on the right path. [Read: 17 signs of a supportive partner who encourages you & your goals]

10. Are you emotionally resilient enough for a situationship?

A situationship can be an emotional roller coaster. Assess your emotional resilience. Can you handle the ups and downs, or would a more stable relationship be more conducive to your well-being?

11. Is the situationship compatible with your values?

Reflecting on your core values helps in determining if a situationship is right for you. Does it align with what you hold dear, or is there a conflict that might lead to discomfort or dissatisfaction?

12. Can you clearly communicate and adhere to boundaries?

In a situationship, clear communication of boundaries is essential. Assess your ability to set, articulate, and adhere to boundaries. Are you clear on what is acceptable to you and able to communicate it effectively? [Read: Taking it slow in a relationship – how should you do it?]

13. Is there mutual respect in the situationship?

Mutual respect is crucial in any relationship, including a situationship. Reflect on whether there is genuine respect in your situationship and how it impacts the overall dynamics.

14. Do you recognize and address red flags?

Recognizing and responding to red flags is vital. Consider your awareness and ability to address warning signs. Are you alert to potential issues, and do you take action, or are you inclined to overlook them? [Read: Subtle changes in your partner that are red flags]

Tips on getting out of a situationship

Learning how to transition out of a situationship is like navigating a complex maze. But having a map can make the process less daunting, more intentional, and even enriching.

Whether it’s embracing mindfulness or executing a light-hearted exit, these strategies can make the journey out of a situationship a growth-filled experience.

1. Self-reflection

Spend time understanding your feelings and needs. Why are you in this situationship, and what do you want from a relationship?

Mindfulness can help you become more aware of your emotions and reactions, enabling you to make conscious choices rather than reacting impulsively.

Other tools like journaling or professional counseling can facilitate this process, helping you understand why the situationship is no longer serving you.

2. Open and honest dialogue

Engage in empathetic and non-judgmental communication, inspired by Carl Rogers’ principles on barriers and gateways to communication.

Share your feelings, thoughts, and intentions openly with your partner, ensuring that both parties understand each other’s perspectives. And remember that listening is as crucial as speaking. Giving your partner space to express themselves can facilitate a smooth transition.

3. Strategies for transitioning out of a situationship

Define what is acceptable and what is not, and ensure both parties adhere to these rules. If both parties agree to move into a committed relationship or part ways, having a plan helps make the transition smoother.

Therapists or counselors can provide personalized strategies and support, especially if emotions are running high. [Read: 60 must-knows to end a relationship on good terms & not leave it messy]

4. How to break up with a situationship without breaking a sweat

Be straightforward but gentle in expressing your decision to end the situationship. You can use humor where appropriate to ease tension. Remember, it’s not a tragic breakup – it’s a transition.

Celebrate the experience for what it was, without unnecessary drama. A situationship is often a learning experience rather than a failure.

5. Ensure emotional well-being post-situationship

Continue mindfulness or introspective practices to ensure a healthy emotional transition. Engage in activities that you enjoy and surround yourself with supportive friends or family. And most importantly, don’t rush into another relationship or situationship. Take the time to heal, learn, and grow.

6. Evaluate and learn from the experience

Reflect on what you’ve learned from the situationship. What worked? What didn’t? How will you do things differently next time? Use the experience as a growth opportunity, recognizing the insights and strengths you’ve gained.

7. Set future relationship goals

It’s important that you clearly define what you want from future relationships. What are your non-negotiables? What are your desires?

Setting clear goals will guide you in making wiser relationship choices in the future, avoiding unnecessary confusion or heartache. [Read: 59 relationship lessons & honest love advice only experience can teach you]

Exploring and experiencing a situationship

Every individual, including you, has unique needs, desires, and life circumstances. Situationships aren’t a one-size-fits-all approach, nor are they inherently bad or harmful.

For some, they might be the perfect fit for where they are in life. Just as there are many shades of love, there are many forms of relationships. Situationships can offer you a chance to explore, learn, and grow, even if they don’t fit the traditional mold.

As long as you’re honest with yourself and your partner about what you want and need, a situationship can be a joyful and enriching experience. [Read: 26 different types of relationships to predict your romantic life & future]

Emphasizing the importance of seeing situationships without rose-tinted glasses doesn’t mean viewing them negatively. It means approaching them with open eyes and an open heart.

Understanding what a situationship means to you and being conscious of your needs and boundaries can lead to a satisfying and happy experience.

You are the artist of your love life, painting with a palette that includes every shade of connection. Whether it’s a fleeting sketch or a detailed masterpiece, each has its beauty and value. [Read: 35 relationship facts & hacks that’ll change the way you date & see love!]

Think of your relationship journey as a garden. Whether you’re planting seeds for a future relationship, nurturing a committed connection, or enjoying the wildflowers of a situationship, each has its season and its charm. So grab your gardening gloves and rejoice in the diverse landscape of love.

You have the freedom to choose your path wisely, without societal pressure or judgment. After all, it’s the variety, the unexpected blossoms, and even the occasional weed that makes the garden of life so enchanting. 

[Read: 50 secrets & early signs of a good relationship that make a great one]

When deciding whether a situationship is right for you, what matters is not the label but the authenticity, connection, and fulfillment. Listen to your needs and follow the direction that best suits you – defined relationship or not. 

The post Situationship: Why People Like It, 51 Signs, Rules & Ways to Tell If It’s For You is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

Are You Just READING or Are You APPLYING?

Reading and watching material is great for the added tactics and perspectives. But if you truly want success in anything, you must apply yourself at it.

I got an email the other day from a former reader who claims he’s going to stop reading Girls Chase after years of readership because it’s been “extremely negative” for him and nothing he’s read here has “stood out to him.”

I’ve received thousands of emails and messages from men over the years who’ve told me how this site has transformed their lives. I know of what kinds of results guys get when they apply the material. I have also seen guys all across the spectrum, from guys who achieved just okay results, to guys who struggled to get anywhere – and I have seen the patterns among them, too.

When I browsed the email from this unhappy former reader, I saw all the familiar patterns I see among the guys who fail to get results. Namely, he spoke a lot about reading the website, and nothing at all about applying the material.

He did not mention number of women approached, or whether he’s done any approaching at all. He didn’t discuss his experiences deep diving, chase framing, using VAC or SAC, or his encounters during day game or night game (or even online). He didn’t mention owning any of the products (which are designed to streamline and target the learning process) or participating on the forum (which is designed to provide community support).

The entirety of his email was “I read a bunch for years, I didn’t get anything out of it, I’m not reading anymore.” Now, WHY exactly you would read something for years that you got nothing out of, I cannot say (personally, if I’m not getting something out of reading something, I drop that something in about 15 minutes maximum… but maybe that’s just me?).

Regardless, I think it’s worth stressing, just for other readers in a similar boat, the point that if you aren’t applying what you’re reading, you’re probably getting very little of the value out of it has to offer.

You must APPLY what you read to benefit from it.

Vacation Sex: 30 Secrets & Checklist to Have a Naughty, Wild Time in Paradise

Are things going stale in the bedroom? Break away from the routines that rule your everyday life and book a much-needed sex vacation with your sweetheart!

The U.S. Travel Association released a statement saying that couples who take regular trips together report increased satisfaction and romance. Whether you want to take the findings seriously or not, there is really no harm in taking a vacation for sex with your sweetheart to reignite the flames of passion.

The depressing thing about real life is that we are so busy that we barely have time to pay attention to the important things in life. Work, chores, children—these stressors get in the way of having time for just you and your partner.

Time off from the real world is desperately needed sometimes. What better way to amp up your love life than by indulging in a sexy couple’s retreat? You will be surprised at how much a vacation focused on sex can benefit your love life. [Read: 32 fun ideas to build and grow intimacy in a relationship and feel more loved]

Planning a trip away is not as difficult as you think. Whether you keep it local or head off to an exotic destination, go somewhere that will offer you peace, tranquility, and a lot of sex!

Benefits of going on a romantic sex vacation

If you’re wondering exactly why a sex vacation would be good for your relationship, here are the top 10 benefits it will give you.

1. Refresh your sex life

The whole point of taking a sex vacation is to indulge in a myriad of sexual activities with your partner. There is no denying that most long-term couples complain of having a sex life that dwindles to nonexistence after a couple of years.

Take the chance to act and feel like teens again on this sexual escapade. Experiment with positions, costumes, toys, body parts, locations, and anything else you can think of. You will love this refreshing spin on your conventional sex life.

2. Rediscover each other

This applies to rediscovering your partner, both mentally and physically. Savor every moment you have with your loved one, whether getting it on between the sheets or enjoying cheerful banter over a candlelight dinner.

Spending time together somewhere new will be sure to invigorate the dullness of a long-term relationship, hence the importance of taking a holiday that focuses on the two of you. [Read: Spark in a relationship – 20 reasons why it’s gone and how to bring it back]

3. Better communication

Years together have probably taught you all that you need to know about each other and there is nothing new left to discover. More often than not, there is no need to put into words how you feel as your partner will find it second nature to just know.

As sweet as this is, you need to start speaking up and communicating more. Taking a sexual holiday together will give you the chance to do just that.

Improve your communication by speaking more, touching more, and playing more. [Read: 50 best relationship topics and things to talk about in a relationship]

4. A new adventure together

A sex vacation is certainly an adventure to be thoroughly enjoyed and devoured with your partner. By partaking in this delightful sexual escapade, you are chalking up points for your personal sexual history book.

Doing this new and fun activity together will give you and your loved one the chance to relive the much-yearned-for days of your youth when you were madly and passionately in love with each other.

5. Quality time alone

The daily grind is not a recipe for passion and sexual intrigue.

Early mornings, bad traffic, loud bosses, stressful projects, whiny kids, and a messy home are not delicious ingredients for a sexed-up time. You need to spend some time away from it all if you want to rejuvenate your relationship with your partner.

[Read: How to reduce stress – 17 fastest hacks to a calmer and happier life]

By focusing on rebuilding intimacy, you will recreate the closeness that you felt with your partner during the early stages of the relationship where sex, great conversation, and excitement dominated everything. You will be surprised at how important quality time alone is for a couple.

6. Heighten your senses

When you remove all the icky bits that make reality what it is, you are left with a refreshing calmness unlike any other.

Breathe in the crisp mountain air of the Alps, explore the underwater world from your water chalet in the Maldives, and swim naked under the stars in your private Balinese pool.

Your senses will be heightened tenfold when you have nothing else to worry about except for you and your partner having a good time together.

This will increase your libido and ensure that you have a smooth sailing sex-fueled trip together. [Read: Use your senses to make your lovemaking sexier]

7. Relaxed atmosphere

A sexual vacation will give both of you the chance to bask in a relaxed atmosphere, allowing both of you to set aside differences while focusing on each other and having a good time.

Most of the time, couples tend to leave petty disagreements and fights behind the moment they arrive at their dream holiday destination.

Everyone knows that there is really no point in ruining a trip that you have already splurged thousands on, so both of you will have fun even if it is by default.

8. Focus on ‘us’

The whole point of taking a sex vacation is so you can flirt with your significant other. Shower your loved one with a hundred percent of your attention during your beautiful holiday together.

You will connect not just on a physical level, but on a mental and spiritual one as well. This will allow both of you to focus on ‘us.’ [Read: 31 communication exercises & games for couples and secrets to feel closer]

9. Positive change

When you swap your negative and stressful environment out for one that is calm and positive, it will affect every aspect of your life including your relationship with your partner.

And when you are in a calm and beautiful place with nothing on your mind but connecting with your loved one, you will feel more open and in tune with each other. This invites positivity that will follow you all the way home. [Read: 45 secrets to be more positive and fill your mind with positive emotions 24/7]

10. Revitalize playtime

The final benefit to heading off on a sex vacation with your partner is that the trip will undoubtedly revitalize playtime.

You no longer have to keep it down so you don’t wake the kids. No more fearing that you’ll get semen on the sheets. And no more making love on your boring, squeaky bed.

You’ll finally have the chance to rejuvenate playtime and give it a brand-new look and feel. This is perfect for couples who are so caught up in daily life that they forget to keep things romantic and sexual with their partner. [Read: 19 foreplay sex games for couples to get naughty and horny in minutes]

A few considerations for choosing your destination

Not all vacation spots are ideal for a sex vacation. Some places have too many distractions, while others don’t really have the right mood in place.

Here are the things you should keep in mind when making your pick. [Read: 44 fun honeymoon ideas & destinations to create romantic memories for life]

1. Avoid busy spots

Don’t leave your bustling hometown of Chicago to spend your sex vacation in New York. Beach and mountain vacations are perfect for a couple’s retreat as they will offer both of you the chance to focus on each other and not be distracted by all the exhausting shopping and mandatory sightseeing that comes with a big-city vacation.

2. Ensure that the place is NOT child-friendly

Stay away from the myriad of chain hotel options and opt for sexy boutique hotels instead. There are many beautiful resorts peppered around the world that reserve vast sections of the hotel for guests with no kids.

Some don’t even allow children under the age of 12 on the premises. Even if you have to pay a little more, just go for it. You don’t want your sexy beach time ruined by a bunch of wailing kids. [Read: Most romantic vacation spots for couples]

3. Inform the resort beforehand

For that added touch of romance, call the resort up once you have made a booking and inform them that you are on your second honeymoon.

Most top-notch places will romanticize the trip to include rose petals in the tub, a bottle of welcome champagne, and other lovely details that will be sure to give your sex vacation a nudge in the right direction.

4. Remember to leave the kids at home!

The last thing you want is to have to deal with a couple of hungry and cranky 4-year-olds whilst nursing a raging hangover from the three bottles of pink champagne you polished off in the tub together last night. Once you have all that in the bag, kick back and enjoy your sex-fueled trip.

Vacation sex tips to have a wild time

Now that you’ve chosen the perfect location and considered the benefits of vacation sex, it’s time to get into the good stuff.

Vacation sex is valuable time spent with your partner, so here are a few tips to make the best of your spicy getaway together:

1. Take your time

Vacations are a lot more than sex. You might spend your day on sightseeing tours or walking the city for hours. So if you’ve been busy all day, give yourself time to rest before having vacation sex.

Be realistic with how you’re feeling and don’t rush into vacation sex if you’re exhausted from the day’s adventure. Being burnt out and jumping straight into sex can decrease the quality of the experience.

And at the same time…

2. Have sex whenever the mood strikes

The best part about getaways with your partner is that it’s an opportunity to live with a flexible schedule and do what you want, whenever you want.

You should definitely take advantage of this when it comes to sex! If you’re feeling steamy, take a detour from your adventure and go at it. After all, why not? [Read: 46 sizzling sex life secrets to spice up your bedroom & leave you horny 24/7]

3. Avoid sunburns

If your sexy getaway location includes a lot of sun, don’t forget to apply a generous amount of sunscreen!

There is nothing that kills vacation sex on the beach like having painful and sensitive skin. Not to mention, your acrobatics in bed might be cut short if you or your partner are unable to even touch each other!

4. Turn your electronics off

There is nothing that kills the mood faster than worrying about work emails or texts from your parents. So turn off your phone, laptop, work phone, or whatever electronics you have.

Or better yet, keep them stored in another room. Don’t let your devices interrupt your time with your partner.

5. Bring your toys

Just because you’re leaving your responsibilities at home doesn’t mean you have to leave your toys there too! Sex toys are a great way for partners to explore new things about each other and really turn up the heat.

Plus, if you know that you *or your partner* use vibrators to climax, why would you leave that gem at home? Just make sure you’re bringing toys that can pass through an airport security check! [Read: 15 common types of sex toys all singles and couples must know about]

6. Get reacquainted with your body

Our busy lives often make us put our physical and emotional health last on the priority list. But with the stress of life behind you, vacations are the best way to become in tune with your mind and body again. So, use the opportunity to really give yourself some love.

Masturbation has so many health benefits that you might have missed out on while your mind was busy at home.

So before you jump into vacation sex with your partner, give yourself a little attention, too. Get reacquainted with your body, your favorite erogenous zones, and relearn where and how you like to be touched.

7. Remember the lube

Your lube may be stored in your nightstand at home, but not at your hotel! So don’t forget to plan ahead of time for your lubrication needs.

Not only does lube protect your skin from any painful friction, but it also makes for a slippery and fun time. [Read: How to use lube to liven up your sex life instantly]

8. Try new, playful moves

A sex vacation is the perfect time to try out new things in bed that you’ve never done before. Maybe your getaway location makes for the perfect roleplay session. Or maybe you’ve always wanted to have sex outdoors.

Whatever it may be, try new and playful moods to spice up your sex vacation. It’s a time to let go and be free from whatever life you left at home. And remember to take advantage of *all* of the hotel room furniture.

9. Don’t count how many times you’ve done it

There isn’t a minimum or maximum amount of times you can have vacation sex. Sure, it is a great opportunity to have a lot of sex, but setting a certain expectation will only make it harder to have sex.

So, don’t count how many times you do it. Counting will only pressure you and your partner to have more or less sex, which will surely kill the mood. [Read: Average time for sex – how long should sex last vs. how long we really last]

10. Manage your expectations

A retreat with your partner where you can have all the sex you want… Now that sounds like a dream! But it isn’t a dream, it’s reality. And in reality, things can get in the way.

Manage your expectations so you don’t put too much pressure on yourself or your partner if things take a turn.

Sunburns, hangovers, UTIs, even just plain exhaustion—many realistic things might happen on your sex vacation that you should be prepared for. If you have less sex than you imagined, talk to your partner calmly and be empathetic.

11. Plan for unsexy things

Medication, contraceptives, sanitary products, these are all things you should prepare for before your trip.

Although these items may be readily available to you in your town or country, that might not be the case when you travel to a new destination.

12. Let yourself go

Vacations are the perfect place to have sex because the stressors from your home life don’t vacation with you. So take advantage of this relaxing environment and really let your stress go.

Make the most of the moment you have to be alone with your partner. It’s just you and them, nothing else. Allow yourself to be the version of yourself that you want to be.

There is no judgment, no work, no kids, no stress—just you and your partner! [Read: 29 best sex secrets to have better sex & enjoy it more every single time!]

Vacation sex positions that are a must-try

Vacations are a great way to try new things in bed if your sex life has become a little stale.

The naturally relaxing atmosphere will inspire you and your partner to experiment with new things. Here are a few playful positions for you to try on your vacation.

1. Face-off

This position is usually done in a chair, on a sofa, or whatever seating options are available in your hotel room. The penetrating partner sits down while the receiving partner sits on their lap and straddles them.

This position is great for face-to-face contact, but can also be switched up by facing away. [Read: 17 most intimate sex positions & tips to feel romantic while making love]

2. Standing

Indoors, outdoors, against a wall, or while holding onto a balcony railing, the standing position is great for vacation sex because it’s very versatile.

Simply stand with your feet hip-width apart and have the penetrating partner enter the receiving partner while offering physical support. The receiving partner can even wrap their leg around the waist of the penetrating partner for support.

3. Doggy-style

Have the receiving partner on their hands and knees while the penetrating partner enters them from behind on their feet or knees.

This can be done on almost any hotel furniture so give it a shot. Even take advantage of your hotel room mirrors and try doggy-style in front of one!

If this is your first time introducing toys to the mix, doggy-style is a great position to try it in. Have him wear a vibrating cock ring, or use a vibrator on her from behind *or she can hold it on herself if she wishes*. [Read: Ways to make doggy style your favorite sex position]

4. Sex in the water

If you’ve been dying to try sex in a bathtub, pool, or the ocean, then a sex vacation is the perfect time to do it. However, you will need to take measures to ensure that there aren’t people around and that you have the right kind of lube.

Water is not lube. In fact, water washes away your natural lubrication and makes sex even more difficult.

This is why having a water-resistant lubricant, like silicone-based lube, is important. Once you have the right kind of privacy and lube, sex in the water is limitless.

[Read: Sex on the beach – the couple’s guide to have naughty, kinky fun by the water]

Sex vacations are an intimate experience that will bring you and your partner closer, spiritually and physically. Make the most of your vacation by following these tips and by letting yourself have fun!

The post Vacation Sex: 30 Secrets & Checklist to Have a Naughty, Wild Time in Paradise is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

Uncertainty in a Relationship: What It Feels Like, Causes & 32 Ways to Fix It

Most people don’t like the feeling of uncertainty, especially when they’re in a relationship. So, if you’re feeling that way, here are some tips for you.

Uncertainty could mean that you’re not sure where the relationship is going *or if there’s a relationship at all*. It could mean that you’re not sure if you really want the person you’re with to be your life partner, or if you just want casual companionship. 

It could also mean that a person loves you very much, but they are still married. Actually, if we allow ourselves to list down all the uncertainties that could possibly spring from relationships, we’d be writing a book thicker than the Bible.

[Read: Casual relationship – 80 casual dating tips and rules to not get hurt or attached]

What does relationship uncertainty mean? 

When you are uncertain about your relationship, that means that you have mixed feelings about it. 

One part of you might feel like the relationship is pretty good and you have a connection to your partner. But the other part of you might not be sure that they are really in love with you or want to be with you long-term. Or you might be the one feeling that way about them.

One or both of you is probably questioning whether the relationship is right for you or whether you are really happy.

You also might be worrying about where the relationship is going in the future. Will it last? Do you really care enough about each other?

Uncertainty can also be a form of insecurity about the relationship. It could be that you feel like your partner is going to cheat and/or break up with you. [Read: Should we break up? 35 signs it’s over and past the point of no return]

The uncertainty you feel can make you feel obsessive and cause you to overthink and analyze everything about your significant other. You think that doing this will give you more control over the relationship, but really it’s only causing it harm.

What causes uncertainty in relationships?

Uncertainty in relationships is a natural instinct that kicks in when we feel like we have to protect ourselves.

But some people are so worried that their relationship will end, even when there are no signs that it will, that they hold on to too much anxiety.

But what causes that build-up of anxiety? There are several causes of relationship uncertainty, including:

1. You perceive that your partner just isn’t supportive of you

A healthy relationship consists of two people who love and support each other at all times. It requires good communication and a strong foundation of trust and friendship. 

So, if you think that your partner is dismissive of your wants, needs, and problems in life, then it leads to uncertainty about whether or not that person is the right one. [Read: 17 signs of a supportive partner who encourages you and your goals]

A good relationship is a partnership, not a one-way street.

2. Your partner behaves in ways that you don’t like

While it’s impossible to find a partner who is “perfect” and never does anything that annoys you, it shouldn’t be overwhelming. We all have our quirks that might irritate our partners, but that’s normal.

However, if you find that you spend more time focusing on what you don’t like about your partner and very little time focusing on what you do, then that is not a good sign. [Read: Lazy boyfriend – 20 signs, why guys get lazy in love, and how to help him change]

It’s bound to make you uncertain about your relationship.

3. There may be key differences between you and your partner

Of course, no one is exactly like you. Not even identical twins are exactly alike even if they look like it. So, you will never find someone that isn’t different than you.

However, if your differences are very obvious and they make you incompatible, that can make you uncertain if the love is meant to be. [Read: Relationship with a polar opposite – 26 truths and must-knows to make it work]

It could be anything from the homebody-social butterfly, or liberal-conservative, different religions, or any other worldview, that can make a relationship feel unstable.

4. You may have issues, such as unrealistic expectations, that you bring to the table

There might not be anything wrong with your partner, but it could be that your expectations are too high and unrealistic. If that’s the case, then you should look within yourself and do some self-reflection. 

For example, it’s not reasonable for your partner to be a mind reader or your slave. [Read: 20 healthy expectations in a relationship that define a good love life]

Sure, it’s nice when your partner knows you well enough to anticipate your wants and needs, but not everyone has that ability. 

And it’s nice if they give you massages and other nice things for you, but you can’t expect them to sacrifice their own needs for you all the time.

5. You have different attachment styles

Everyone forms bonds with people in different ways. Experts suggest that there are four main attachment styles: secure, avoidant, fearful-avoidant, and anxious. You can get an idea of what each attachment style is based on according to their titles.

When two people’s attachment styles don’t line up, and they don’t do anything about it, that can cause serious problems. For example, someone with an insecure attachment style, who fears abandonment, is going to be made to feel very uncertain in a relationship with someone with an avoidant attachment style, who runs away from intimacy.

Relationship uncertainty and its dangers

Uncertainty in a relationship doesn’t mean that the person is wrong for you. If you gauge the potential of a relationship based on certainty, you wouldn’t ever get past the dating stage. 

After all, every dating person is not only getting to know their dates, they’re also getting to know themselves and the relationship in the process. [Read: Feeling unloved – 51 ways we feel less loved and how to feel love again]

However, uncertainty becomes unhealthy when it has been going on for a long time *e.g. more than a year* and both parties are not talking about it, or doing anything to push the relationship forward. 

You might say, “Well, it’s better than nothing. I have nothing to lose, anyway.” But the fact is, you have a lot to lose. Here are some of the reasons it’s dangerous to stay in a relationship full of uncertainty. [Read: Walking on eggshells in your relationship? 18 signs and how to fix it]

1. Uncertainty can be a huge blow to your self-esteem

If you’re unhappy with your relationship, you might start blaming and feeling sorry for yourself. You will start asking yourself questions like, “Do I not deserve to feel secure?” or “Am I not good enough to be in a stable relationship?”

These questions will haunt you and crush your self-esteem. Unless you manage your expectations and do something about your relationship, these toxic thoughts will push you into a downward spiral. 

You will start to believe you are not deserving of the kind of love that you want, so you will likely just accept whatever is tossed your way. [Read: Signs of low self-esteem and the ways to increase it]

You might not be aware of it, but you are slowly falling into a trap—a trap that is firmly established your low self-esteem… which is very hard to cure.

2. Zero accountability

If you are not certain about your status as a couple, or you have not talked about your roles and limitations, then it’s easy for you both to reject accountability for the other’s well-being. 

So, if rules are not put in place, neither of you will accept responsibility for the other’s life and happiness. [Check out: 250 fun, deep relationship questions for couples to feel closer and more loved]

If you are going through a rough time, should you demand that your partner visit you, so you’ll share your troubles, or would that be too much? If you lost your job, can you expect the other person to pay for your bills? 

A lack of certainty in a relationship is beneficial only to the one who wants a carefree life. They get to enjoy the good times, but bail during the bad.

You can’t demand the big stuff and this will become painfully apparent in desperate times. What if you wind up pregnant—then what happens? [Read: 61 signs you’re dating a narcissist and the best ways to help them change]

3. Realizing that you don’t love the person, after all

Some of us find hard-to-get, unpredictable people exhausting rather than exciting. They might be hot one minute, then extremely cold the next. Initially, this behavior might drive us crazy—but we love it! Right? 

As a result, we embark on a mission to make them fall head-over-heels in love with us. We play their game, because we’re in love with the chase.

What’s dangerous about this is that once all the chasing and drama ends, we might not like the person, after all. [Read: 33 honest questions to ask before marriage to know if you’re a good match]

If the uncertainty is prolonged, the chase will be prolonged, too, thus delaying the time we get to know the person on a deeper level. Imagine realizing this after your wedding! That would be one big, expensive, life-changing “oops” for you.

4. The chance of meeting the right person is greatly minimized

Even though you have plenty of uncertainties in your relationship, you don’t want to date other people. [Read: Best dating apps for a relationship – 18 hottest apps to try in 2023]

You are still hopeful that things will turn out right, and it’s against your principles to see other people while you’re with someone—no matter how shaky your relationship is.

This limits your chances of meeting other eligible life partners because you are unapproachable, you will likely turn down other dates, and you won’t present yourself as a single person. 

Imagine the regret you will feel if you say no to a person you truly adore, just to stick to an uncertain relationship that will eventually end. [Read: Real soulmates – what it is, how it works, 59 signs and secrets to find yours]

5. Chronic stress

Being in an uncertain relationship makes us feel lonely, tired, and just generally unhappy. Sure, you laugh a lot and enjoy each other’s company, but if you have uncertainties in your relationship that have not been addressed, you will find yourself conflicted. 

You enjoy each other, but the fact that he still hasn’t proposed keeps you up at night. You get giddy reading her sweet poems for you, but when you see her talking to her ex, you feel the need to punch a wall. [Read: Love-hate relationship – what it is, the big signs, types, and how to overcome it]

Having uncertainty in a relationship can make you emotionally stressed and unstable. There are times you’ll even start to question your sanity. No kidding! 

If you feel insecure in your relationship for more than a year, it will greatly affect your body, as well as your mind.

6. Your life plans become uncertain

You want a wedding, three kids, and a nice beach house, but your partner cringes every time you talk about it. [Read: 38 small changes to better your love life and improve the relationship tenfold]

We all have plans before we meet our significant others, but when they become part of our lives, we accommodate them fully… to the point that we tweak our life plans.

We integrate our life plans with their life plans because, of course, we want to be with them in the future. 

This “integration” affects us in every aspect of our lives, from the kind of career we try to build, to the kinds of shows we watch on TV. [Read: 21 secret signs of a bad relationship that signal a bad future ahead]

However, if the relationship is uncertain, our life plans become uncertain, too. And isn’t that just tiring?

7. One day, you will realize you just wasted a decade waiting

We’re not getting any younger, yet we believe things will turn out fine. 

Optimism and unconditional love are wonderful traits, but if you find yourself waiting for a very long time for things to happen, things to change, or things to finally settle, maybe it’s time to be selfish. [Read: What is true love? 58 signs and ways to tell if what you’re feeling is real]

Yes, you read that right. Tell your lover or partner what you really want. Ask if you’re on the same page. You have to get your answers and be level-headed in dealing with it. 

If you still feel uncertain in your relationship, even after you’ve talked things through, ask yourself if you’re willing to wait even longer. Bear in mind that there’s still no guarantee, even if you choose to wait.

We can’t be fully certain of how things will turn out in our relationships. But if uncertainty is caused by the other person and affects us greatly, then it’s important to do something about it.

However, you have to use a timeline that’s fair for both parties. [Read: Soul connection – what it means, 8 types, and 16 signs to find and recognize it]

How to cope with uncertainty in relationships

Having uncertainty in your relationship is never a good feeling. So how do you cope with it? Here are some tips you can use:

1. Communicate clearly

Most people are not taught not to communicate properly. In fact, many of us picked up bad communication skills from our parents. But that doesn’t mean that you can’t learn to be a good communicator now.

You have to clearly, calmly, and rationally tell your partner your needs, wants, desires, and thoughts. [Read: 42 secrets to communicate better in a relationship and ways to fix a lack of it]

And you need to ask them the same. Both of you need to have empathy for each other and see situations from their point of view—not just your own.

2. Give up your need for control

Some people have naturally controlling personalities, and others don’t have any need for control. But most people like to control situations and relationships at least to some degree. 

But when you have a deep need to control your partner’s actions and thoughts or the direction of the relationship, it just won’t work. [Read: Controlling relationship – 42 signs and ways to love without bullying]

The only thing you can control is yourself. You can try to control other things like your partner, but it will only backfire on you and push them away.

3. Get in touch with your feelings

If you want to work through your uncertain relationship, then you will have to do some self-reflection and get in touch with your feelings. Some people are good at this, while others don’t know what they are feeling or why they are feeling it.

But in order to make your relationship stronger, you need to communicate your feelings to your partner. And if you don’t even know what they are, then it’s impossible to do that. So, it all starts with you. [Read: 25 honest, self-reflection questions to recognize the real YOU inside]

4. Avoid criticising your partner

It’s so easy—and sometimes even instinctual—to criticize your partner for the things that they do that annoy you. But even if you think that is going to help them change, it won’t. In fact, it will just make them defensive.

Do you like it when your partner criticizes you? Of course, you don’t. No one likes being criticized by anyone. And while sometimes criticism can be helpful if it’s delivered in the right way, it usually creates a negative climate for a relationship.

5. Get more involved with your partner

After people have been together for a while, they get kind of lazy. In the beginning of a relationship, people are on their best behavior and are constantly trying to “woo” the other person. [Read: Bored in a relationship – 78 signs, reasons, and ways to make it fun ASAP]

But then they turn into their true self eventually. 

So, make sure you stay plugged into your partner and stay involved. Don’t just ignore them when they’re around by being on your phone, watching TV, or playing video games. Actually have some deep conversations so you can stay connected.

6. Try to learn your partner’s love language

According to Dr. Gary Chapman in his book, The Five Love Languages, people give and receive love in one of five different ways: acts of service, words of affirmation, giving gifts, quality time, and touch. A person might give love one way and want to receive it another.

If your partner’s love language is acts of service *doing nice things for you* but yours is words of affirmation *hearing “I love you” and compliments, etc.* these don’t match up very well. After you learn each other’s love languages, you can understand each other better.

7. Practice self-care

Maybe you feel so uncertain about your relationship that you focus all of your energy on your partner or trying to fix things.

In fact, it’s likely that you might have even turned into a people-pleaser or a doormat and your partner is taking advantage of you.

But in a healthy relationship, you have to take care of yourself too. In order to love someone else fully, you have to love yourself first. So, it’s important for you to practice self-care so that you can get in touch with your own needs and desires.

8. Let go of high expectations

Some expectations of other people are healthy and necessary, and others are just flat-out unrealistic. [Read: 19 unrealistic expectations in love we want to believe but shouldn’t]

For example, expecting your partner to treat you with respect and love is realistic and should be expected. But expecting them to be perfect and just like you aren’t.

Realistic expectations emerge out of self-love in the form of personal boundaries. But unrealistic expectations emerge out of a bit of narcissism and a need for control. So, let go of your high expectations if you want to deal with your relationship uncertainty. 

9. Evaluate where the feelings of uncertainty are coming from

Uncertainty comes in many forms. It could be that you feel uncertain of your partner’s feelings for you. Or you’re uncertain about your feelings for your partner. [Read: Abandonment issues – what it is, causes, types, 34 signs, and how it hurts you]

Or maybe you’re uncertain about your compatibility or if your values or visions of the future line up. Where are these feelings of uncertainty coming from? Are they coming from your traumatic past? Is it that you keep choosing the same kind of partner? 

10. Accept that not all relationships work

When people get into a relationship, they don’t usually think that it’s going to end. They hope it will last forever.

But let’s face it—not all relationships do last forever. In fact, most probably don’t. And that’s okay. [Read: How to break up with someone who loves you and not hurt them more]

Not all relationships are meant to last. Sometimes you just learn what you want and don’t want next time, and hopefully, you’ll grow as a person too.

11. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket

There are a lot of people who would rather be in an uncertain or unhealthy relationship rather than being single and alone. And because of that, they just keep hanging on when perhaps they should let go.

Remember, there are a lot of fish in the sea. This person you’re with right now might not be the right one for you. [Read: Should you try online dating? The guide to see if it’s right for you]

So, don’t put all your eggs in their basket. It might be time to break up if you’re that uncertain and explore dating other people.

12. Address your fears

You need to figure out what fears are underlying your uncertainty. For example, if you fear that your partner has a low sex drive and that eventually they will lead the two of you into a sexless relationship, then you should be honest with yourself—and them.

Where are these fears coming from? How can you best share these fears with your partner? [Read: Breakup anxiety – how to deal with it and overcome your biggest fears]

Fears aren’t necessarily bad. But you do need to identify what they are so you can work through them. You can’t change what you don’t recognize and acknowledge.

13. Be more generous with your partner

Selfishness is toxic to relationships. When you are selfish, you ignore your partner’s needs and desires. And in the long run, that will make them resentful and it could lead to the end of the relationship. 

So, you need to be more generous—in all ways. [Read: Selfless love – 18 traits that sets it apart from selfish love]

Be more generous with spending time with them, giving them gifts, or doing nice things like giving them a massage. The more generous you are, the more they will respond the same way to you.

14. Turn to someone for support 

When you have feelings of uncertainty in your relationship, it’s difficult to deal with them alone. So, talk to a trusted friend or family member to help you sort through your feelings and help you figure out if they are valid.

A person who is on the outside of your relationship will be able to be more objective than you are. [Read: True friendship – 37 real friend traits and what it takes to be a good one]

And once you figure out exactly what you feel, then your friend can help you figure out a plan and where to go from there.

15. Consider if your feelings are red flags

Some feelings stem from the past and have nothing to do with your partner. For example, if you’re uneasy because you think they will cheat, it might just be because your ex cheated on you. It’s not fair to put that fear on your current partner.

But your feelings could very well be red flags too. Is your partner a narcissist? Abusive?

If they aren’t treating you with respect in any way, then it is a red flag. So, you need to figure out what a red flag is to you and what isn’t.

How do you deal with uncertainty in a relationship?

Finally, you need to know how to deal with—you need to actively work to get rid of uncertainty in your relationship. Here are some things you can do.

1. Share your fears

It’s never good to keep your fears to yourself. It makes you feel alone and disconnected from your partner. [Read: Insecure attachment – what it is, types, 23 signs, and how it affects your life]

So, it’s important to get them out and share them. You might want to share them first with a trusted friend or family member. That way you can sort through them.

But ideally, you should also share them with your partner. There is no way to work through the uncertainty if you just keep it to yourself. Share how you’re feeling and ask how your partner feels too. Try to find a solution to your uncertainty so you can move forward.

2. Give without getting

As we mentioned earlier, it’s important to not be selfish in a relationship. You have to be a giver as well as a receiver. If you do nothing but take from your partner and never give back, they will grow resentful. [Read: Self-centered people – 40 signs and ways to change yourself or deal with one]

So, make sure you do this. However, don’t do it because you are trying to get something in return. Sure, your partner should naturally want to give back to you. But you shouldn’t expect it all the time. Sometimes it’s good to be selfless.

3. Choose trust

Trust is the foundation of all relationships. Without it, the relationship will crumble. Trust is like the foundation of a house—it should be solid like concrete instead of quicksand.

But sometimes trust is a deliberate choice. If your partner hasn’t given you any reason to not trust them, then why wouldn’t you? The lack of trust—especially if it’s unwarranted—will just erode the relationship. [Read: Trust issues in a relationship – 22 whys and ways to get over it together]

4. Never punish

There are probably a lot of reasons why you feel uncertain about your relationship. And one of the big reasons is that there is something about your partner that you don’t like or that isn’t meeting your expectations.

You might have the instinct to criticize and punish them. [Read: Silent treatment abuse – how it’s used and 40 signs and ways to respond to it]

Maybe that’s how you saw your parents deal with their relationship, but it’s not healthy. Punishment doesn’t really rehabilitate people, it just degrades them and makes them feel bad. 

5. Live consciously

Most people live life unconsciously. In other words, they go through life without knowing why think or act the way they do. That’s because they never do any self-reflection and look at themselves deeply.

So, you need to live more consciously. Why do you do what you do? And why do you say what you say? Why do you choose the romantic partners that you do? You should have these thoughts in your head at all times, and when you do, you’ll make better decisions.

[Read: Stagnant relationship – 36 standstill signs, why, and how to make it progress]

It’s unfair to force the other person to define the relationship, but it’s equally unfair to keep you waiting. Don’t dwell in relationship uncertainty—discuss your relationship and where it is heading as soon as you comfortably can.

The post Uncertainty in a Relationship: What It Feels Like, Causes & 32 Ways to Fix It is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

Nude Photos Got Leaked?! A Guide on Damage Control & the Next Sane Steps

So your nudes have been leaked. It’s a nightmare, but you can still bounce back. Here’s how to recover when your privates become public.

It seems like a new celebrity sexting scandal pops up every week, with racy photos leaking all over the Internet. As a society, we seem to shrug off these unfortunate celebrity nude scandals as something crazy or self-indulgent happening in Hollywood. But what if your nudes got leaked?

If it happens to an average Joe like you, it can destroy your privacy. Plus, it can spark family turmoil, bullying, trust issues, and even suicides.

Sexting trends mean people send nudes without properly understanding sexting privacy… or how to cope with a breach.

If a disgusting hacker or a douchebag ex has leaked your nudes, don’t despair. You can rise above anything, so don’t give this jerk the satisfaction of ruining your life over one little blip.

This feature will show you what to do if your nudes leak, and how to recover. After all, this isn’t your fault, and YOU shouldn’t feel embarrassed for THEIR actions.

[Read: 35 super confident ways to be a bitch, own it, and take charge of your life]

How to bounce back after your nudes got leaked

Right now, it may seem like your world is crashing down all around you. But there are ways to do damage control if your naked pictures leak on the internet.

If you follow these steps, you can take back your power from the person who betrayed your trust. But always remember: this isn’t your fault.

You shared your nudes under the assumption that no one else would see them. If somebody betrays your privacy, that’s their crime. The only thing you’re responsible for right now is protecting yourself, and healing.

So, let’s break down the most important things you should do to bounce back after your nudes leak. [Read: Psychopath – how to recognize them, types, and 39 ways to cope]

1. Take a breath and reflect

First, breathe. Take some time to think: you are not to blame. Our society has a tendency, especially with women, to play the blame game.

If a woman suffers assault, people ask what she was wearing. If her nude photos leak, they say she deserved it for putting her photos out there in the first place. However, they’re totally wrong.

Of course, it’s true that the best way to avoid having a nude scandal is not taking nudes. But the fact is that a huge number of people send naked photos or suggestive texts in a relationship, with no consequences.

They trust the recipient, and that trust isn’t broken. So why are you being slut-shamed just because you’ve been betrayed? [Read: Narcissistic abuse – what it is, types, and 58 signs a narcissist is abusing you]

We are all human, and we all do things we regret. Should you suffer for taking nudes? No! Does your sexting mean that you’re a slut, and deserve to lose your dignity? Never! The one who leaked your photos is to blame, not you.

2. Tell your parents

Alright, so it’s never fun to tell our parents when we’ve done something admittedly stupid or embarrassing.

But this awkwardness skyrockets whenever it has anything to do with sexuality. When her nudes leaked, Jennifer Lawrence said she’d rather lose her Hunger Games fees than call her dad and tell him about her leak. It’s never an easy thing to do.

However, it’s always in your best interest to tell your parents and the authorities. If you can’t face your parents, tell trusted teachers, a counselor, or the police what has happened.

Not only might they be able to do something to right the situation, but they’ll also offer comfort and support during an emotionally trying time in your life.

[Read: The guilt free ways to handle guilt trippers in your life]

3. Surround yourself with people you trust

As we’ve said, surrounding yourself with trusted friends and family can only help you right now. While it may be a little embarrassing at first, leaning on your support system will help you gain a bit of stability after seeing your nude photos in public.

After all, everybody makes mistakes. There have been too many bullying and sexting-related suicides for you to keep yourself hidden away from the world.

Be a warrior. Be a survivor! Surround yourself with the people who love and understand you, and screw the rest.

4. Keep records of everything

Keep any evidence you have of the perpetrator or the website where you’ve seen the photos. If you have text messages from the person who leaked the photos, take a screen cap.

If you have e-mails from perpetrators about the photos, keep them. Also, print screens from the website where your nudes are hosted, and keep them.

Continue to keep all evidence of the ordeal. This will help the police greatly, especially if you decide to lawyer up. [Read: How to stop a creepy ex from contacting you repeatedly]

5. Seek online removal

If you know the jackass who leaked your photo, start out by sending a cease-and-desist e-mail. This should outline a settlement agreement, wherein they remove your content and are restrained from being near you in the future. Have your lawyer help you with the wording if you have pursued official legal action.

This letter should also include a copyright assignment. This means you own that nudie pic, and if they don’t take it down, they’re in big trouble. Also, affirm that you can fine them big bucks if they break your agreement.

In turn, if your nudes leaked through social media, you have even more options. You can also petition the site that hosts your images to take them down.

If your images are on a platform like Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook, you can request that they be removed. Hell, even Pornhub lets you take things down if you don’t consent!

6. Tell the police and find a lawyer

While you may just want to close your eyes and wait for your ordeal to fade away, the best plan of action is to tell the police and find a lawyer.

Both parties will be able to help you get your photo taken down. Plus, you may even get to prosecute the perv who is currently making your life difficult.

[Read: Date rape – facts, signs, and what you must do ASAP]

File a police report, hand over copies of all your records to them, and ask them about enforcing criminal action against the perp.

Also, find a lawyer. With the media scandal surrounding leaked nudes, there’s bound to be a lawyer out there who’s familiar with the ins and outs of your case.

7. If you can’t get the photos taken down…

If the website moderator is being a total dick and won’t take down your name or dirty photos, then the best thing you can do is pay close attention to your Google ranking. Your Google rank is the order in which the search results of your name *or whatever particular subject* will come up.

Push your scandalous photos to the seedy underbelly of Google’s back pages by paying close attention to your social media.

Update anything that links to your name regularly, including your Google+, LinkedIn, or Facebook page.

Another great suggestion would be to start *and regularly update* a series of blogs under your name. This will mean there will be tons of positive search results coming up under your name before people find those undesirable pages. [Read: How to be less critical – 15 reasons why you judge and how to stop it]

8. Everything will blow over

It may not feel like it, especially if you are in high school or college, but everything blows over eventually.

Fortunately for you, there’s always someone doing something bigger and badder than any embarrassing thing that has happened to you. Things will get better, and everything must pass.

While scars of the ordeal may pop up now and then, the public side of the event will likely blow over within a month or two.

Social media is always up and ready to report the next ridiculous thing happening in your town. The huge amount of internet noise will just drown this out.

9. Speak out about it

If you want to grab the bull by the horns, then be proactive about your situation. Alright, it happened. And it sucks. But try to use your newfound sexting experience to help another person avoid the problem in the future.

There are programs in place for people to speak out at high schools and colleges about the dangers of bullying and sexting.

If you can help another person avoid going through the pain that you went through, then at least something positive came from your unfortunate situation. [Read: The things to know before stripping for your webcam]

10. Know your rights

Even if you choose to take nudes, you have a right to choose who sees them. When you sent your nudes to your partner, fling, or even your Tinder one-night-stand, you consented for them to see them.

Anybody else seeing them is an infringement of your right to privacy, and a crime in many countries.

So-called “revenge porn” laws protect individuals from leaks in the USA, UK, Germany, France, Australia, Malta, Israel, Canada, Japan, and the Philippines. [Read: Revenge sex – My own experience and everything I learned from it]

Other countries also have legal protections you can take advantage of and bring your leaker to justice. So do your research, and know your rights.

11. Touch base with the people who have them

Is the leaker the only person who had access to your nudes before they got out? If anybody currently has copies of your images, get in contact with them.

It’s important that you know the status and location of all your images to make sure this doesn’t happen again.

This includes anybody who knows the passwords to your accounts or has access to your computer or phone.

Let them know what’s happened, and see if you can convince them to delete the images or return them to you. Chances are, if they’re not a total asshole or someone you have beef with, they’ll understand and oblige.

[Read: Why people are rude and mean to nice people and ways to deal with them]

12. Revisit your privacy settings

Have you ever changed your social media privacy settings? A surprising number of people have never opened that “settings” tab, or made any attempt to limit who sees their profile images.

Most sites give you the ability to choose who has access to your profile; this allows you to limit how much creeps and leakers can find about you online.

For example, Facebook allows you to limit access to your profile to select groups—anyone, friends, or friends of friends. You’ll feel safer if you limit strangers’ access as much as possible, at least until you’re back on your feet.

13. Remember—it’s NOT your fault

We’ve said it once, and we’ll say it again—this is NOT your fault. Sexting is not an excuse for slut-shaming, and this doesn’t change anything about you as a person.

You’re just somebody who’s had their trust broken and betrayed, so all you deserve right now is love and compassion.

If people are judgemental or unkind to you, we’ve got one important piece of advice: f*** them! They don’t deserve your time and attention. You have to focus everything on yourself right now, and your healing journey, so don’t waste it on losers who don’t understand.

[Read: Male privilege – what it is and what it looks like in real life]

Why revenge is never the answer

We know you’re angry right now. Your life has been ripped into tiny little pieces, and you’re working hard to put them back together. That’s enough to make anybody vengeful.

So, if you want to take revenge on the jerk who leaked your photo, go for it! But ONLY if you do so in a legal way. Getting revenge by doing the same to them is only going to hurt you.

Here’s why revenge is never EVER the answer:

1. Men are less ridiculed for sexual misdeeds

For whatever reason, society expects women to be angelic creatures, and slut-shames them whenever they break out of this mold.

Meanwhile, men are congratulated for their sexual exploits. Who hasn’t heard a guy with lots of dates getting called a “stud” or a “player”, whilst girls are branded “whores”?

This double standard will only backfire on women trying to get revenge on their ex-boyfriends out of court. Leaking your ex’s nudes might only get him compliments or applause instead of humiliation, so don’t waste your time and energy. It’ll only make you angrier, on top of your existing hurt.

[Read: 30 mean ways your boyfriend could hurt you emotionally and how to react]

2. If you’re hoping his dick pic will spread – it won’t

Again, if you’re a woman trying to get back on an ex-boyfriend, it won’t work. Dick pics don’t spread across the internet that fast, or that widely. Not at the rate a leaked nude of a woman would, anyway.

Because porn and revenge websites are largely looked at by males, the odds of them wanting to spread around that “dirty man-slut dick pic” are pretty low. So don’t risk committing a crime in the hope that you’ll send your ex viral.

If your ex is a girl, you still shouldn’t consider leaking her nudes as revenge. It might be even harder for her to contain the spread of her nudes than it was for you.

So remember: you’re the good person here. Don’t stoop to their level, and definitely don’t do worse. [Read: Unsolicited penis pics – Why guys send dick selfies and how to deal with them]

3. It’s low, and you’re way better than that

We just said it! You now know how violating it feels to have your goods shown to strangers across the internet. So don’t be that kind of person.

Do things the right, and legal, way. Also, you could have legal action taken against you if you react—and that would totally suck. Although your life seems bad now, it would get much, much worse if you got into legal trouble—and that’s permanent.

Instead, focus on yourself. Take advice from this famous quote: “the best revenge is to live well.” Get your own back on your leaker by becoming the best version of yourself, and putting them to shame.

[Read: How and why to get revenge on your ex – 20 healthy and effed up ways!]

Keep your head held high, even if scandalous photos of you have been leaked. It’s hard to have your privacy stripped from you, but you’re a survivor. Being proactive will help you own the situation and will only make you stronger in the end.

The post Nude Photos Got Leaked?! A Guide on Damage Control & the Next Sane Steps is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.