If you’ve never heard of a cupioromantic, you’re not alone. But if you’re curious about this romantic orientation, here’s everything you need to know.
Back in the day – many decades ago – most people only knew about sexual orientation. And they probably only knew about heterosexuals and homosexuals – maybe not even bisexuals. But now we know that romantic orientation is a thing too. So, have you ever heard of a cupioromantic?
The list of sexual and romantic orientations seems to keep growing as we learn more. And sometimes it’s difficult for people to understand all of the different ways that people can be when it comes to romantic and sexual relationships.
So, in this feature, we’re going to talk about what a cupioromantic person is like, so you can figure out whether you are one yourself – or maybe your partner is.
Cupioromantic and reading between sexual and romantic orientation
In order to fully understand cupioromanticism, we first need to understand the difference between sexual orientation and romantic orientation. [Read: Romantic orientation – the most common ones all of us must know]
A person can have the same sexual and romantic orientation, but they’re not the same thing.
Sexual orientation dictates who you are sexually attracted to, whereas romantic orientation focuses on who you feel romantically attracted to. For example, the most common sexual orientations are heterosexual, homosexual, and bisexual.
But for romantic orientation, you can be heteroromantic or biromantic. [Read: Heteroromantic orientation – what it is, the different types, and must-know facts]
So, a person could be heteroromantic *romantic attraction to the opposite sex*, but homosexual *sexual attraction to the same sex*.
The definition of cupioromantic
In psychological terms, “Cupioromantic” refers to an orientation where an individual lacks romantic attraction but still possesses a strong desire to engage in a romantic relationship.
This differs from aromanticism, where there is usually no desire for a romantic relationship alongside the absence of romantic attraction.
The concept is part of the broader discussion within psychology and queer studies surrounding the Romantic Orientation Spectrum. It highlights the complexity and diversity of human emotional experience, challenging binary categorizations of romantic attraction.
Although the term is relatively new and still gaining academic traction, it adds nuance to our understanding of human emotions and orientations.
It’s a subject that intersects with studies on asexuality, emotional attachment, and human relational desire. While you may not find “cupioromantic” specifically mentioned in traditional psychology textbooks, the underlying themes are consistent with established psychological theories, such as Attachment Theory, which discusses the variety and complexity of human relationships.
All said and done, a cupioromantic person has a desire for some aspects of a romantic relationship, but they don’t experience much romantic attraction – if any at all. For now, it’s considered to be a part of the umbrella term aromantic, which is when someone feels little to no romantic attraction for other people. [Read: Aromantic – what it means, how it works, and 28 must-knows about their love life]
Signs you may be cupioromantic
Now that you know the difference between sexual and romantic orientation and also the definition of cupioromanticism, let’s take a look at the signs that you might be cupioromantic yourself.
1. You don’t experience romantic attraction to people
As we said in the last section, a cupioromantic person doesn’t experience romantic attraction. In other words, you don’t experience an emotional response toward other people. There is no yearning or desire to be in a relationship with them.
2. You have a strong desire to engage in a romantic relationship
While you don’t experience romantic attraction to others, you still have a desire to be in a romantic relationship. [Read: 26 Different types of relationships to predict your romantic life and future]
Everyone has their own individual reasons for this, but you don’t feel romantic feelings toward your romantic partners.
3. You value the companionship and emotional closeness that comes with a romantic relationship
The reason you desire to be in a romantic relationship is that you like having someone as a constant companion, much like you would feel for a friend.
You don’t usually feel romantically attracted to your friends, but you do like their company.
4. You may imagine yourself in romantic situations without specific people in mind
Because you want to have a romantic relationship, you might find yourself daydreaming about what it’s like to be in one. [Read: 40 Romantic movie quotes about love and relationships]
However, since you don’t have any feelings of infatuation or crushes, there isn’t any particular person who is the object of these images.
5. You enjoy romantic media, books, movies, and songs
Just like anyone, you enjoy romantic movies, books, and songs. You might not feel these feelings yourself, but you do like to see, read, and hear about others who are engaged in romantic relationships.
6. You don’t find yourself developing romantic feelings or crushes
Most people find that they get infatuated and have crushes on other people from a young age. [Read: 16 Psychological facts about crushes to decode what you’re feeling]
But you don’t experience this yourself. You might not even understand what that means or why people feel that way about other people.
7. You may feel confused about why you don’t experience a romantic attraction as others do
While you know you don’t feel romantic attraction, you probably don’t know why you don’t. You look around and see other people fall in love, and you wonder why you don’t do that too.
8. You may have previously identified as aromantic, but still have a longing for romantic relationships
Sometimes labeling yourself and your feelings regarding romance is difficult.
So, you might have thought you were aromantic, but now you are reassessing that because you probably have a desire for a romantic relationship. [Read: Aromantic asexual – what it is, and traits and challenges of this sexual identity]
9. You may feel the need to try out romantic relationships even though you don’t experience romantic attraction
You might have just accepted the fact that you don’t have an attraction to people in a romantic way. [Read: What does sexual attraction feel like? 15 hot signs to recognize it]
And there’s nothing wrong with that. But you still want to try to be in romantic relationships regardless of whether or not you have attraction.
10. You might feel different from your peers when discussing relationships and romance
When you’re out with friends, you might feel left out of conversations when they talk about their boyfriends or girlfriends. You might not be able to identify with how they feel in their relationships because you don’t feel the same way.
11. You can deeply care about someone without romantic feelings
You probably have noticed that most people in romantic relationships have different feelings than you. [Read: Emotional connection – 38 signs, secrets, and ways to build a real bond]
But you can care very deeply about someone you’re in a romantic relationship with but feel more platonically about them.
12. You can form deep and meaningful relationships based on shared interests, respect, and caring, not romance
Just as most people can form deep, non-romantic bonds with their friends, you can do that too. But in romantic relationships, you still base your connections on things like shared interests or some other non-romantic ways.
13. You feel comfortable with platonic intimacy
Not only do you feel comfortable with platonic intimacy, but it’s also pretty much the only thing you can identify with. [Read: Platonic relationship – what it is and 42 friendship rules to avoid sexual drama]
For you, the lines between platonic feelings and romantic feelings are very blurry because they are one and the same for you.
14. You may have felt ‘broken’ or ‘confused’ because of societal expectations around romantic attraction
When you were growing up, you might have felt a lot different than most of your peers when it came to romantic attraction. It was very confusing for you because what you felt and what you observed others feeling was very different.
15. You have a desire for the security and stability offered by a romantic relationship without the need for romantic feelings
The idea of a committed relationship or even marriage appeals to you, but mostly because it would make you feel secure and stable. [Read: Platonic marriage – what it is, and why it’s okay to marry and live and just friends]
Your desire for that kind of relationship isn’t based on butterflies in your stomach or being deeply in love.
Misconceptions about cupioromanticism
As with anything in life, there are also a lot of misconceptions about cupioromanticism. So, here are some of them so you can get a clearer understanding of what it is and what it isn’t.
1.Cupioromantics are just afraid of commitment
Sure, there are commitment-phobes in the world, and plenty of them. [Read: Fear of commitment – 47 signs, whys, and ways to get over your phobia]
But cupioromantics aren’t necessarily one of them. They can commit to a romantic relationship, they just don’t necessarily have the starry-eyed, in-love feeling toward the person they are committed to.
2. Cupioromanticism is synonymous with being aromantic
The term aromantic is an umbrella idea that refers to people who don’t feel romantic attraction toward others and don’t desire romantic relationships. But a cupioromantic is someone who desires a romantic relationship but doesn’t feel romantic feelings.
3. Cupioromantics can’t have meaningful relationships
Just because someone doesn’t experience romantic attraction or feelings toward others doesn’t mean that they can’t connect and form deep bonds. [Read: 38 Signs and traits of a happy, healthy relationship and what it should look like]
Cupioromantics can have very meaningful relationships with other people.
4. Cupioromantics are “attention-seeking”
Some people might not understand not being able to feel romantic feelings. And because of that, they might think that a cupioromantic is “faking it” to get attention. But that’s not true. Their feelings *or lack thereof* are very real.
5. Cupioromanticism is a choice or phase
Just as some people accuse gay people of making their sexual preference a “choice” or a “lifestyle,” some people think the same thing of cupioromantics. [Read: Biromantic – what it means and how to read between biromantic vs. bisexual]
But it’s not their choice, and it’s certainly not a phase or something they will “grow out of.”
6. Cupioromantics are incapable of love
They are no different than other people – they are human. And almost all humans have the desire to love and be loved. Cupioromantics are certainly capable of feeling and giving love. They just don’t have romantic feelings.
7. Everyone is cupioromantic to some extent
This is definitely not true. It may feel like it’s true to some people, but many people in the world experience romantic feelings. In fact, there are probably more people who do feel them than not. [Read: Panromantic asexual – what it is, 23 signs, FAQs and ways to recognize them]
8. Cupioromanticism is a result of past trauma
Some people might think that the inability to feel romantic emotions might be because the person experienced some sort of trauma in their childhood. But that’s not necessarily true. It’s just how some people are built, and there’s nothing wrong or traumatic about it.
9. Cupioromantic people are just confused or have not met the right person yet
If someone’s child seems to be struggling with the ability to feel romantic feelings for other people, they might just think that they haven’t met the right person yet. Or they’re just struggling to find their true identity. But that’s not necessarily true either.
10. Cupioromantics are emotionally distant or cold
Most people associate romantic feelings with physical and emotional affection. And while this is true, that doesn’t mean that cupioromantics are cold or distant. They have feelings, just not ones of the romantic kind. [Read: What does it mean to be emotionally unavailable? 19 signs & fixes]
11. Cupioromanticism is related to mental health issues
Just because someone isn’t “mainstream” and is a bit different than the average person doesn’t mean that there is something wrong with them. They don’t necessarily have some sort of mental health problem, and it may not have anything to do with their mental health at all.
12. Cupioromanticism can be ‘cured’ or ‘changed’
Just like heterosexual or homosexual people can’t be ‘changed’ or ‘cured,’ neither can cupioromantics. They are who they are – there is nothing wrong with them. There’s nothing that they need to change at all.
13. Cupioromantics can’t have successful, long-term relationships
The final misconception is that cupioromantics can’t have successful, long-term relationships.
Romantic feelings are not a prerequisite for a happy, healthy relationship. They can have strong bonds that endure the test of time just like anyone else. [Read: 30 Ways to get to know someone, open up to them, and create a genuine bond]
Cupioromantic vs. aromantic
As we mentioned earlier, aromantic is an umbrella term that cupioromantic falls under. But here are some more specific ways that the two kinds of people differ.
1. Cupioromantics desire a romantic relationship despite lacking romantic attraction; aromantics don’t desire or pursue romantic relationships
Like most people, cupioromantics like the idea of being in a romantic relationship. They might dream of and desire to get married and live happily ever after. Aromantics don’t have this desire.
2. Cupioromantics may imagine themselves in romantic situations, aromantics generally do not
A cupioromantic might have a friend or acquaintance that they can see dating or even marrying. They think about what it would be like to be with certain people, but aromantics don’t do this. [Read: 69 Best & most romantic movies that are must-watch in 2023]
3. Cupioromantics may engage in romantic relationships out of a desire for companionship, while aromantics typically do not
Because cupioromantics really like having deep connections with other people, they desire to have companionship, which can be in the form of a romantic relationship.
Aromantic people are perfectly fine with their platonic friendships and relationships.
4. Cupioromantics can enjoy the structure and stability of a romantic relationship, aromantics might prefer platonic relationships
As we just said, aromantic people are more comfortable with their platonic friendships for companionship. They have no desire for romance. Cupioromantics like romance, but don’t feel the feelings that go with it.
5. Cupioromantics might feel a disconnect when it comes to societal expectations of romantic attraction, aromantics may not feel this conflict
Because cupioromantics want a romantic relationship but don’t feel romantic attraction, they might feel inner turmoil about it. [Read: 14 Signs of social anxiety that hold you back and how to overcome it]
They feel strange because they don’t meet societal expectations. But aromantics just probably don’t care at all.
Cupioromantics may be more prone to feeling ‘broken’ due to the dissonance between the desire for romantic relationships and lack of romantic attraction, while aromantics might feel more at ease with their lack of interest in romance.
6. Cupioromantics may seek to fulfill their desire for romantic relationships through deep platonic relationships, while aromantics may not have this desire
Cupioromantics do have a desire for romantic relationships, but they might not always feel like that void is filled. [Read: Platonic crush – what it means, 22 signs, pros, cons, and what to do about it]
So, they might try to connect deeply with another person in a platonic way. But aromantics aren’t really concerned about filling this void.
7. Cupioromantics might find it difficult to explain their identity due to its seemingly contradictory nature, while aromantics might face different challenges in explaining their identity
A lot of people probably don’t understand cupioromantics because they want a romantic relationship but don’t feel romantic attraction. That’s foreign for a lot of people. This might make them feel awkward. But aromantics might have even more issues that others don’t understand.
8. Cupioromantics might enjoy romantic media, while aromantics may not feel the same connection
You might catch a cupioromantic watching a romantic comedy or a classic love story movie, but aromantics aren’t really as interested in them. That’s because aromantics just don’t relate to having romantic relationships at all. [Read: 20 of the most romantic seasonal winter movies]
9. Cupioromantics might try to make romantic relationships work despite their lack of romantic attraction, while aromantics might not feel the need to try
Most people in the world desire to have a romantic relationship – and that includes cupioromantics. And even though they may not even understand why they don’t feel romantic attraction, they still want these kinds of relationships to work. But aromantics don’t really care at all.
How cupioromantics navigate romantic relationships
Just because cupioromantics don’t feel romantic attraction doesn’t mean that they don’t have romantic relationships. But you might wonder how they navigate them when they are in that type of relationships, so here’s how.
1. They may pursue relationships out of a desire for companionship
While most people are driven into romantic relationships by a desire for sex and romantic feelings, cupioromantics might just want to have a companion. [Read: 46 Tips, rules, and relationship tips for women to have a great love life]
They can still feel deeply connected to their romantic partner without having those romantic feelings.
2. They may use open and honest communication about their identity from the beginning
Cupioromantics might be a little self-conscious about their romantic orientation, so they might want to be upfront about it in the beginning. It’s better to be 100% honest in any relationship, but it’s especially important for cupioromantics.
After all, it’s only fair to their romantic partner to let them know what they are getting into regarding the relationship and feelings involved. [Read: How to be vulnerable in a relationship, open up, and 28 secrets to grow closer]
3. They may struggle with the lack of romantic feelings in a relationship
A cupioromantic may or may not know that they don’t experience romantic feelings like everyone else.
So, they might struggle to figure it out, especially in the beginning. They might even be confused as to why they’re not feeling what they think they should be feeling.
4. They might form deep platonic bonds in their relationships
When we think of romantic relationships, we think of things like “soul mates” or some other concept that implies deep, loving bonds. [Read: Real soul mates – what it is, how it works, 59 secrets and signs to find yours]
But just because a bond isn’t based on romantic feelings doesn’t mean that it’s any less precious and important.
5. They may need to consistently explain their identity and feelings to their partner
As you can imagine, if someone who is a cupioromantic is in a romantic relationship with someone who isn’t oriented that way, their partner might feel rejected. They might not understand why they don’t have romantic feelings toward them and take it personally.
6. They might need to navigate societal expectations and norms in their relationships
We live in a world where there are a lot of societal rules and cultural norms. [Read: What is a normal relationship supposed to be like? The real truth]
Many people just fit naturally into them and follow them easily. But cupioromantics don’t, so they have to figure out how to navigate around them in order to be themselves.
7. They may strive for a balance between their desires and their lack of romantic attraction
It’s not always easy being a cupioromantic, and so it’s sometimes a struggle to find balance. Yes, they desire romantic relationships, but they still don’t feel that romantic attraction. So, it’s tricky for them to find a nice balance when they are in a relationship.
8. They might face challenges in fulfilling the romantic needs of their partners
As we said earlier, if their partner is more “mainstream” and does feel romantic feelings for them, they might feel rejected. [Read: What turns a girl on? 65 emotional & sexual moves to arouse & seduce her]
Their partner might even take it personally and think that they’re not really unable to feel romantic feelings, but rather, they just don’t feel that way about them.
9. They may rely on emotional intimacy over romantic intimacy
Because they don’t have feelings of romantic intimacy, they might be likely to build emotional bonds in different ways. The romantic part of the relationship isn’t really of importance to them, but they do like feeling close to people in other ways.
10. They might have to tackle misunderstandings and misconceptions about their identity
Unfortunately, people of different romantic and sexual orientations other than heterosexual might face some tough judgments by other people. [Read: Sapiosexual – what it means, 41 signs & ways to attract them with intelligence]
Whether or not they are judgments or are just misunderstandings, it’s sometimes difficult for a cupioromantic to explain themselves to other people.
Tips for cupioromantic people in maintaining healthy relationships
If you think you are a cupioromantic, you are not alone. So, you don’t have to be worried about how to handle a healthy relationship. All you need to do is follow these steps.
1. Be open and honest about your identity from the beginning
Try to be empathetic and see your romantic orientation from other people’s perspectives – especially your partner’s. [Read: Panromantic asexual – what it is, 23 signs, FAQs and ways to recognize them]
You would want to know if they were different than you, right? So, just be open and honest upfront right from the start. They will appreciate you for it.
2. Communicate your needs and boundaries clearly
Your partner might not understand how you feel and what you experience in romantic relationships. So, you just need to help them see what you need and what your boundaries are. Don’t assume that they already know, because they most likely don’t.
3. Seek understanding and acceptance from your partner
Being a cupioromantic might just be normal to you, but it might not be to your partner. [Read: 37 Rules to be a good partner in a relationship and better your love life]
As we said earlier, they might take it personally if you don’t explain it to them. But let them know that their acceptance and understanding are important to you.
4. Create a relationship dynamic that caters to your needs
Your partner might have romantic attraction to you, even if you don’t feel the same way toward them. So, don’t just put their needs before your own. Sure, their needs are important too. But try to create a relationship dynamic that also fits your needs as well.
5. Enjoy the companionship and emotional closeness
As you already know, being in a romantic relationship isn’t just about romantic attraction. [Read: Emotional attachment – how it works and 34 signs you’re getting attached and close]
It’s also about having an emotional bond and having someone to enjoy life with. So, focus on those things and not your lack of attraction to your partner.
6. Don’t feel pressured to conform to societal expectations of romantic relationships
Most people want to feel and be perceived as “normal” by societal standards. So, you might feel like you’re not because you’re a cupioromantic.
But there is nothing wrong with you! Don’t feel bad about yourself or pressured to be like everyone else. Love yourself for who you are. [Read: How to respect yourself – 37 secrets of self-respect, self-belief, and self-love]
7. Seek counseling or support groups if needed
If you’re struggling with being a person who doesn’t feel romantic attraction, that’s okay. But maybe it would help to talk to a counselor or even find other cupioromantics to talk to. It’s always easier to work through things with help from others.
8. Be patient with yourself and your partner
It’s not easy for anyone to work through any aspect of their identity. We’re all different, and we all need to be patient and love ourselves – including you.
But you also need to be patient with your partner if they are struggling with the fact that you don’t feel romantic attraction toward them. [Read: 42 Secrets to communicate better in a relationship and how to fix a lack of it]
9. Reinforce the importance of emotional over romantic intimacy
Most people in the world are so conditioned to think that romantic bonds and intimacy are the most important. But try to explain to your partner how important an emotional connection is too. Ultimately, that’s the most important thing in a relationship.
10. Be confident and comfortable in your identity
Remember, everyone is different than other people in some way. No one is exactly alike, so don’t feel like you have to conform to other people’s or society’s expectations. Love yourself, be confident, and be comfortable with who you are.
How partners can understand and support cupioromantic individuals
If you’re reading this because your partner is a cupioromantic and you’re not, you can try to understand them and not take it personally. Here are some things to keep in mind. [Read: 250 Fun, deep relationship questions for couples to feel closer and more loved]
1. Understand that being cupioromantic is not a choice or phase
Some people think that a person chooses not to feel romantic feelings or that it’s just a phase that they’re going through. But it’s not.
Your partner was just born this way, just like you were born the way you were. There’s nothing wrong with them, it’s just how they were made.
2. Be open to learning about the cupioromantic experience
Your partner might be self-conscious about being cupioromantic and not feeling romantic feelings toward you. So, let them know that you are open to learning more about their experiences and how they view the world, and their connections to other people.
3. Respect their feelings and identity
You might have never been in a relationship with a cupioromantic before, so you might not understand their identity and feelings. [Read: How to stop being rude to your partner and treat them with respect]
But don’t try to change them because it won’t work. Just respect them and the fact that they simply don’t have romantic feelings toward anyone.
4. Don’t pressure them into experiencing romantic attraction
As we just said, you can’t change your partner. They are who they are. So don’t even try. Pressuring them to feel romantic attraction for you won’t work. If you can’t accept the fact that they don’t feel it, then maybe this isn’t the right partner for you.
5. Be open-minded and patient
It’s easy to be judgmental or even to take their lack of feelings toward you personally. [Read: How to be less critical – 15 reasons why you judge and how to stop it]
But don’t forget to always have an open mind if you love this person. Be patient with them, especially if they aren’t comfortable with their romantic orientation either.
6. Prioritize communication to understand their needs and boundaries
Communication is essential to a healthy relationship.
It’s important even in a partnership when both people can feel romantic attraction, but it’s even more so when you are in a relationship with a cupioromantic. So, keep the lines of communication open and try to understand their boundaries and needs.
7. Don’t minimize or invalidate their experiences
Even if you feel hurt because they don’t feel romantic attraction toward you, don’t make them feel bad about it. [Read: How to be nice – 20 easy tips to make everyone love being around you]
It’s not like they’re doing this on purpose to hurt you. So, don’t invalidate, make fun of, or minimize their lack of ability to feel romantic attraction.
8. Respect their need for emotional closeness over romantic intimacy
It’s important to remember that just because they don’t feel romantic intimacy for you doesn’t mean they don’t want to have a deep emotional connection. If you think about it, that’s just as good if not better than the romantic attraction.
9. Be supportive of their journey and struggles
You should have empathy for your partner. It’s probably not easy for them to be “different” from others in society. [Read: Socially awkward? 16 little hacks to loosen up and live life]
They might feel bad that they don’t have that kind of attraction for you. So, support them on their journey and try to help them with their struggles.
10. Seek advice from support groups or counseling if needed
If you – or both of you – are having a difficult time with your partner being cupioromantic, then there is help out there. It helps to find a therapist to talk to or even other people in relationships with a person who doesn’t feel romantic attraction to other people.
[Read: Relationship therapy – 25 clues to know if it’ll help your romance]
Now that you know all about cupioromantics, do you think you are one? Or maybe your partner is one? Either way, it’s important to embrace it and nurture the emotional bond that is present in your relationship.
The post Cupioromantic: 30 Signs & Secrets to Unveil this Romantic Orientation & Thrive is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.
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