Do Women Vet Men's Attractiveness Based on Their Approach?

A reader doubts why women wait for men to approach them. Is it really because they judge men’s approaches? Or are they just too scared to approach first?

Commenting on my article on girls not wanting you to move slow, a reader took issue with my claim that women vet men based on their approaches.

In particular, he argued that a woman saying she was attracted to a man who made a confident approach was a face-saving lie. The truth, he claimed, was that women simply do not approach men “out of fear and ego.”

Throughout the animal kingdom, among mammals, birds, reptiles, amphibians, fish, insects, and just about every class of animal there is, females await the male approach, and use it to evaluate the male as a prospective mate. They do this because male mate value is difficult to assess, and the male’s success at the courtship ritual – of which the approach is a vital element – is a powerful indicator of the male’s reproductive quality.

An attractive male approach excites the female, and begins the reproductive process. An unattractive male approach dampens the female’s interest, and shuts down reproduction.

But, could human females be an exception to this?

Might they, unlike the females of almost every other species, actually NOT use the male approach to assess, and instead simply not approach males themselves out of ego and fear?