The world of dating can be frustrating. If you want to avoid dating stress, you need to learn how to stop texting first and let them do some of the work!
When you first meet someone, it’s all happiness and smiles. Staying up late just to talk to them is exciting, and on that first date, you can literally feel the electricity in the air. It’s an exhilarating time in a new relationship. But take our advice: you have to stop texting first!
Your excitement can make you get carried away with the texting, but overdoing it can actually cause more harm to your budding romance than good. Find out why and how you can resist the temptation to text them first by reading on.
[Read: Relationship timeline – 16 most common dating phases of a relationship]
Why always texting first sends the wrong message
Everyone’s been that person who always texts first at least once in their life. And although it’s a habit born from nothing but good intentions, it often won’t bring you anything good in return.
This behavior, although common, is actually problematic on many levels. It shows anyone you’re flirting with that they can just relax, and you’ll come running. It also tells them that you’re potentially desperate or a bit needy.
Not a good look, right? Thankfully you can learn from these mistakes. [Read: Woah there! Signs you’re coming on way too strong]
What will happen if you stop texting first
If you’re always the one picking up your phone to reach out first, stop yourself and ask why. Do you think that if you don’t text first then nothing will happen?
Well, have a look at all these things that will happen when you stop texting first, and you might see that it’s worth waiting for them to message you for once.
1. You’ll easily notice if they’re a good one or not
If you stop texting first and they don’t reply, there’s your answer—they’re not worth your time. By being a little more fluid with your texting, you can figure out if they’re a good one or just someone liable to play ghosting games with you when they become bored.
A healthy line of communication should be a mixture of them texting you first sometimes and you texting them first sometimes—equal!
Don’t devalue yourself by constantly chasing after someone who can’t even be bothered to say “good morning” or ask you how you are. [Read: Stop chasing him – why guys run and why you shouldn’t chase them
2. You don’t have to do the hard work all the time
By texting first all the time, you’re doing the hard work. You’re constantly thinking of something to say and always wondering what they’re doing and why they haven’t texted you. It’s exhausting.
Crushes and even full-blown relationships should not be this much hard work! So relax. Stop texting first for a while and see what happens.
With a bit of luck, your beau will figure it out and do their fair share of the work. [Read: Double texting – what it is, how to avoid it, and 15 must-follow rules]
3. You give yourself time to focus on yourself
When you first meet someone, it’s really easy to make your life all about them. You start to obsess about the smallest things and forget your friends, hobbies, and the things you used to enjoy.
It’s a massive pitfall that you need to avoid at all costs. By constantly checking your phone and always being the one to text first, you’re putting one foot on that slippery slope.
Relax and see what happens. In the meantime, focus on yourself and enjoy your time. [Read: Spirited steps to be independent in a relationship and love better]
4. You learn to enjoy dating rather than becoming stressed
Most people don’t enjoy dating and find it super stressful. You end up constantly checking your phone and thinking of things to text just to make contact.
It makes you cringe when you look back because it can make you look desperate.
By learning to stop texting first, you actually relax and start to enjoy the first flourishes of love. Honestly, it can be so much more enjoyable if you just lighten up and let it flow naturally.
5. They quickly realize they can’t take you for granted
If you’re always happy to do the hard work and text first, they’re not going to try very hard. It’s a natural human response. However, if you make them work a little, e.g., do their share of the texting, then they’re going to quickly see that you just won’t text either if they take you for granted.
It’s a far better picture that cultivates respect. That’s a much healthier and happier scenario, don’t you agree? [Read: How your self-respect in a relationship affects you and your love life]
6. They’ll appreciate your worth
When you’re not texting them, they’re thinking the same thing you’re thinking when you don’t get a text: What are they doing? Who are they with? Why aren’t they thinking about me?
It’s a classic power play.
Although dating shouldn’t include games, in all honesty, it does. Let them wonder what you’re up to!
It makes them appreciate you more and ensures that your own level of self-worth isn’t eroded by constantly wondering why they’re not texting you first. [Read: How to play mind games over text and make someone crazy about you]
7. You’ll actually have something to talk about
When you’re constantly texting first, it’s normally random things because eventually, you’ll run out of witty things to say!
When you wait a while and allow them to do a little of the work, you’ll actually notice that you have more things to talk about. Your communication will improve. In any relationship situation, everything should be equal. That includes communication.
8. You set your intentions and boundaries from the start
If you’re texting first all the time, why are they going to try? You’re showing them from the start that you’re happy to do all the leg work. They simply assume they can relax.
However, if you stop texting first and wait it out a while from the beginning, they’ll understand that you’re not someone they can be quite so lazy with. You avoid setting a dangerous precedent. [Read: 37 reasons, signs, and must-know rules when a guy stops texting you often]
9. The “power play” in your relationship will be equal
It’s true that the whole idea of there being any amount of power in a relationship is just ridiculous, but if you’re always texting first, they’re the ones with the power in their hands.
You’re literally allowing them to affect how you feel and make you wonder why they’re ghosting or ignoring you. However, if there is a fair amount of back-and-forth texting, everything is far more equal and much healthier as a result.
10. You’ll become more of a challenge in their eyes
Again, we’re back to playing games, but sometimes you have to resort to such tactics initially to show someone that you mean business.
When you stop texting first all the time, they’ll start to wonder what you’re doing, who you’re with, and what or who is taking up your time.
That kicks them into gear and makes them start to text you more often. It shouldn’t have to be this way, but unfortunately, that’s dating for you! [Read: 20 ways to make your man realize your worth in the relationship and value you]
11. A person who appreciates their own worth is far sexier
When you set your boundaries from the start and show that you’re not going to tolerate laziness and a lack of effort, you show that you know your own worth, as we’ve already established.
The thing is that a person who knows their own worth is instantly sexier and seen as more of a catch. You’re independent. You’re not going to stand for poor behavior. As a result, you’re super attractive in their eyes.
12. The texts are genuine
When you stop texting first and you share the responsibility equally, the texts are more genuine. If you’re always texting first and trying to get a reply, how can you be sure that they’d have texted you in the first place?
Maybe they wouldn’t have bothered texting at all. Because you’re forcing it, you don’t know whether they’re genuinely keen on you or not.
However, when you don’t text first all the time, the texts you get are because they thought of you. That’s worth far more. [Read: Texting anxiety – how to send & receive texts without freaking out]
13. You don’t come across as needy
If you’re coming across as a super independent, I-don’t-need-anybody boss, then it goes without saying that you won’t look needy. Not only is independence attractive, but so is non-neediness.
A needy or clingy partner is a major red flag that turns people off almost immediately. If they think that you’re needy in the early stages of the talking stage, they’ll only fear that you’ll become even clingier in an actual relationship.
So put the phone down and let them reach out to you first. You don’t want to look like a walking red flag now, do you? [Read: 45 big relationship red flags most people completely ignore early on]
14. You don’t look desperate
Sure, this is along the same vein as looking needy, but it’s worth mentioning. When you’re constantly chasing after someone instead of waiting for them to come to you, it can look a little bit desperate. [Read: What is a thirsty girl? 15 signs to tell if you are desperate and parched]
So, disappear for a while! Let a few hours or maybe even a day or so pass before reaching out to them. And if they message you, don’t jump to reply.
In these early days, you want to show them you have hobbies and interests and a life outside of them, and you’re not putting everything on hold just for them. If you look desperate, it can repel any potential partner away.
15. You save yourself from being ghosted
Ah, the dreaded ghosting. It’s happened to all of us, though that doesn’t make it any easier. But the thing is, a ghoster is only successful if their victim continues to try reaching out to them. So, if you’re dating someone and suddenly they seem to lose interest, let them go.
It’s not worth texting them over and over. If they were too much of a coward to end things with you politely and cordially, then that’s on them. Instead of chasing after a ghost, you should look forward to your next exciting date. [Read: Am I being ghosted? 25 signs you’re on the verge of being ghosted!]
16. They start to miss you
Ever heard the saying, “distance makes the heart grow fonder?” Well, it’s true! So use it to your advantage.
If you make yourself readily available 24/7, then you won’t give this person the chance to miss you. And if they don’t miss you, they won’t truly appreciate just how much they enjoy having you in their life.
So put some distance between you and them and see when they reach out to you. You’ll know that when they do, it’s because they miss you.
17. It kicks them into gear
Once again, if you make yourself available to them all the time, they won’t have to do anything. They’ll probably think to themselves, “Huh, this is a sweet deal,” and just sit back.
But you don’t want your date to relax in these early dating stages—you want them to always strive for the next stage up!
If you pull back on your texting, it’ll deliver that kick up the rear that’ll remind them not to be passive. You might notice their attention on you growing, and maybe more romantic gestures coming your way. That just tells you that they’re invested in doing the work to not lose you.
How do you actually stop yourself from texting first
You might be reading this and thinking, “Yeah, this sounds great!” But then, when a few hours have passed and you haven’t heard from this person, you’re fighting the urge to text them first.
Obviously, you want to be respected, valued, and chased after yourself. But, at the end of the day, you just really, really enjoy talking to this person.
The best way to stop yourself from being the designated first texter is to distract yourself when you feel the urge to text them. Go for a walk, pick up a hobby that maybe you’ve neglected lately, or spend some time with friends and family. [Read: Relationship anxiety – what it is, 44 signs, feelings, and ways to get over it]
We get that you want to talk to them, but if you’re here reading this feature, that means you’re falling into a trap of texting them first and letting them get away with not spending as much effort on you. So when you want to spend time on them, focus your time on yourself.
Prioritizing yourself and your self-care will not only improve your budding relationship, but it will improve the most important relationship of all—the one with yourself. [Read: Love yourself first – where people go wrong, 36 whys, and how to do this right]
It doesn’t mean you should NEVER text first!
We’re not championing you to stop communicating altogether and just wait for people to come to you. But we’re also not encouraging you to constantly be the person to always text others first.
What we’re saying is, there’s a healthy middle ground where you and the person you’re dating equally invest time in talking to each other.
You both reach out when you want to meet up, tell the other stories about your day, or just message them a heartfelt late-night text about how grateful you are to be getting to know them and having fun with them.
Doesn’t that sound so much nicer than stressing over someone who just doesn’t make the effort with you? So hold back on those first texts—just not all of the time!
[Read: Texting your crush – a step-by-step guide to doing it right]
Learning how to stop texting first isn’t easy. Sit on your hands, distract yourself, and try your best not to give in. It will work in your favor, and eventually, it will become easier.
The post Stop Texting First: 17 Secrets to Make Dating More Fun & Less Stressful is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.
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