Girls' Dates & Exes Are Never as Perfect as You Imagine

Girls will giddily talk up the guys they are (or were) going out with. Yet the actual man is never quite as impressive as the picture girls paint…

Several weeks ago a reader named Jason H. asked the following on my article about the reasons for there being so many single people:

Have you any advise in seeing things from the women's POV and feeling how women feel attracted differently from us men?

I've been reading Girlschase long enough to know that women and men at a GUT level are attracted to and prioritize different things.

The men part I GET at a deep gut/intuitive level when I read the articles. "I'm like yeah that makes sense!". Of course we prioritise youth and beauty. But I experience a cognitive dissonance to some extent when I read about what women prioritise with sexual attraction - because I don't FEEL the same way they do about dominance, humor, confidence & competence. These things don't turn me on at a gut level.

So I'm fighting the part of me that feels women prioritise - looks, height,muscles at low body fat or popularity. Dating apps (I'm not on it) but of men who are on it are competing with the only factor that's assessed on it -looks. So when I hear a female friend say I matched with a 6ft4 guy who is into martial arts he sounds like fun - it irritates me because I'm like well 'I'm pretty sure they value these other traits more' but they match a good looking guy or very tall guy and they are excited to meet him.

I want to be attractive enough so that women feel this same way more instantly. I've had good success by improving fundamentals and bedding women. The difference is it takes me longer to flip attraction triggers. I want it happening quicker and more passively.
I've come to realise is women have various attraction triggers and it's more complex than men.
- A tall man can trigger their attraction switch - which then can be built on
- A popular guy who is preselected can trigger their attraction switch (has happened to me several times)
- Dominance, humour, competence and confidence etc all can trigger it.

What I've come to realise is that men need a BUY-IN. So an average looking guy at average height needs to have excellence in SOME form that women value: showing competence at something they value fitness/sport/music/art or dominance/humour/popularity - whatever it is

Following your article on Tao of Steve I've focused on becoming excellent fitness/physique wise which has led to more attention from women: more stares, smiles,comments which is all positive. While working on fundamentals across the board.

Back to my original question.

I know these things are true. Even objectively I see women with men similar to themselves but less physically attractive.

Yet I'm struggling to overcome this part of me that's obsessed with thinking women's no.1 priority is this. All it takes is a face value comment from a woman saying they like tall guys, or that guy is easy on the eyes/amazing body. Yet I don't hear comments about that guy is so funny he turns me on. Or that guy is sexy (while also not referring to a handsome/tall/ripped guy).

How do I overcome this insecurity/cognitive dissonance?
How am I able to understand or FEEL what women feel at a gut level about attraction without PROJECTING my own feelings?

I really like the concept of talking about understanding female attraction at a gut level.

However, Jason H. brings up another point here, which I think is more important to address FIRST:

Namely, how people work to present an image of themselves as successful by playing up how awesome their dates and lovers are… and how if you aren’t careful you can get totally suckered by it!

Everybody does this… but girls do it more. Girls are the masters at it. Girls will tell you constantly how picky they are, how excellent their ex-boyfriends were, how refined their taste is. And the illusion will hold! … right up until you actually meet the guys these girls are going with (and say to yourself “Huh?!”).

So before we talk about understanding female attraction at an intuitive, gut level (which I still would like to talk about), FIRST let’s make sure we understand this equally important concept, that the way women describe their standards and the men in their lives and the way those men actually are tend to be two very different things.